Here lies Haruno Sakura - Patron Saint of lost causes.
- Dawn -
Kakashi runs up the mountainside, Naruto burning chakra at his heels. They'd seen the flickering flash bomb sun. They'd seen it sputter out and die.
Then, a tidal wave of chakra explodes from the epicenter, sending him careening back into a tree. His head cracks violently off branches, then dirt. He inhales dust and hacks up his lungs.
Spit coats the inside of his mask. He regains his senses, belly to the earth.
Beside him, Naruto's hands scramble at his shoulders, hauling him back up to his feet.
"Kakashi-" He wails, but he doesn't need to say more. They both know the same thing in the same moment.
Dread in an iron battering ram ricocheting bullets around his gut. He knows that chakra like he knows his own.
….It was Sakura's.
….was.
He doesn't wait for Naruto to confirm. They lurch into a run, and then into a dead sprint. They race each other in a blind panic, angling for the clearing just up ahead. They explode from the tree line, weapons raised.
They arrive in time to hear Shikamaru scream. He's rocking a body back and forth in his arms.
But's it's someone else's body, not Sakura's. It has to be someone else's. It Has To Be-
But Kakashi only has to take one step forward to recognize what his body is telling him. His ankles roll weak with every step. His mouth runs dry, but not from their run. His arms swing like rice bags, leaden at his side. Beside him…Naruto can't move at all. Everything that use to glow about his student flickers out and dies in an instant.
No. No.
But…Kakashi is the adult in the clearing. He…he has take over when no one else can. It's…his fucking job.
He needs to mobilize his one student, even as he looses the other.
"G-…Go get Ino." He cobbles together the words like orphan puzzle pieces, trying to get the edges to match. "Get her here, fast as you can."
But Naruto remains frozen. His face is comatose, eyes unseeing. He's not in his body, he's somewhere else. He's retreated inward like Kakashi wants to.
He swallows hard, hating himself. He punches Naruto across the face, forcefully dispelling the shadow clone. Farther down the mountain, he hears a cacophony of screams. All of Naruto's clones cry out at once. They know now what must be done.
Soon, Naruto will find Ino. Soon, they will come back with help.
Stepping farther into the clearing, he imbeds Naruto's flying Raijin sai into the scorched ground. Naruto will be able to teleport Ino here. For…for all the good that it will do.
Because…he knows in his heart that Sakura is dead. She's not just dead, she's missing. Absent. He can't feel her presence anywhere-
He'd told Tsunade to send her off on her own. He'd trusted Sakura and… he'd killed her.
Like he'd killed Rin. Obito. Minato. Hiruzen.
Somewhere inside him, he pulls out a pen. He adds Sakura's name to his infinite list.
He staggers the final distance to Shikamaru's side, grateful for his fucking mask. He wishes he could pull it farther up his face. He longs to burry his shame and to hide his grief. His knees hit the ground and he just…sits there.
She'd asked him to try, but he hadn't tried enough. He'd tried, but it had been too little too late. He'd held himself back that last little bit and now…
What he would give.
What he would give for another chance to try.
What he would give to have not failed her, over and over and over again….
She looks so frail in Shikamaru's arms. It looks…wrong. Sakura was never frail, not to him. Even when she thought she was weak, even when she thought she was a mess…she'd still been stronger than he'd ever been. She'd worn her heart like a lighthouse on her sleeve, no matter how many times it hurt her.
Her tender, sentimental heart.
Her powerful, tiny, fragile heart.
…Her heart.
…Her Heart.
"…Let go, Shikamaru." He says. His words are a paper whisper, so thin you could bend light through it.
But Shikamaru is inconsolable. He sobs in agony and he begs in grief. His words are scattered wayward things that slur together and roll apart. He buries his face into Sakura's neck, strangling her with love she can not feel.
"Shikamaru, Let Go." He says louder, his grip becomes a vice on the boys weak wrists.
"DONT-" He yells, but Kakashi yells louder.
"Let Her Go! Give me room to work!"
Because in his chest, his heart is an animal. It snarls and scrambles up his throat. It wants to crawl from his body and into hers. And god damnit, he's about to try, because Kakashi has a stupid hail mary idea. A brilliant, glorious, impossible idea-
It manifests inside him, all at once.
'Just…try.'
"Lay her flat, hurry! Get her back to the ground!" Kakashi barks orders and Shikamaru follows. He obeys the demand of Kakashi's insistence, even if his brain doesn't register the words.
Kakashi rubs his palms together, electricity spiderwebbing across his fingertips. He's never fucking done this before. He's only ever used his lightning to take a life, never once to try and save one. Oh god, what if he hurts her more?! But he has to do something, he has to-
He doesn't think about the details. He just puts his hands against her ribs and her chest, slipping his palms between shirt and skin. He knows exactly where to put them. The scars on his own ribs draw him a map. He mirrors those scars now, blessing Sakura's stubbornness. Her hands reach out to him from the past, telling him where they need to go now.
He starts a little at a time, gradually building it up the voltage. Sakura's body jumps, and then jumps again. But her lips are still blue. Oh God, what is he doing?! He counts to thirty. He measures time.
"Pinch her nose and blow into her mouth twice-"
Shikamaru seems to finally understand. He puts his lips to hers, breathing life. Again Kakashi shocks to a count of thirty. "Blow, again!" And they go on like that.
Shikamaru is her air. Kakashi is her pulse.
Beat by beat, breath by breath, they work together in terrified tandem. Somehow, between their incompetent efforts, they pump Sakura's fragile, titan heart.
-It isn't working. Why isn't it working?!
Kakashi puts his ear down to her chest. He listens for the pulse he doesn't find. What was he doing wrong? What was he doing?!
He lingers in the silence for an eternity. He sits up, ready to shock again.
And because nothing else has worked so far, he adds his prayers to every jolt of electricity.
Everything he has, he offer up to god. Everything else, he offers down to death.
Kakashi doesn't promise to be a perfect person, or to never fail her again. He doesn't try to bargain with foreign deities or spirits in the afterlife. Instead, he makes a bargain to the only deity he believes in.
He makes a deal with her.
Shock. 2, 3, 4…
He promises to go to every doctors visit she fucking schedules for him. He'll show up even if there's needles involved and he'll only be a little late.
Shock. 8, 9, 10…
He promises to teach her all his best taijutsu, and to only complain internally when Naruto makes them eat ramen for breakfast.
Shock. 13, 14, 15…
He promises to let her be his teacher for once, because after this he needs to learn some god damn medical basics. He'll go to all her hospital lectures and take all his damn vitamins and-
His chakra jolts too hard in his panic. Lightning cracks a sharp whip over her body.
Sakura takes an audible, gasping breath. Green eyes fly open wide in panic. Her hands fist hard into his jacket collar, pulling herself up to stabilize herself.
"Kakashi!?" She yells, her voice two octaves too high.
Her heart pumps wildly beneath his palms.
Alive. Alive. Alive. Alive.
And then...Nothing.
There is nothing in his ears.
His face is numb and his hands are dead and he's absolutely smelling toast. Toast and O-zone, that's all there is. Everything else is just…echoes.
Someone is hauling his shoulders back, but he hears nothing of the chaos around him. He watches a blonde ponytail hover above Sakura, green medical chakra pooling over her heart.
"I've got her! Give me room to work!" Ino yells. She isn't asking, she's telling.
Kakashi looks up at whoever is holding him.
He stares in a drunk daze up at a trembling Shikamaru. The boy looks like he's just seen a ghost. Kakashi's body shakes like he's seen one too. He can't tell which of them is holding up the other up, but Kakashi feels like his legs are gone below the knees.
"You did it." Shikamaru says. "How…did you know what to do?"
Kakashi doesn't know how he remembers. He just remembers being stuck in that stupid hospital, all those miserable months ago. He hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings at the time, but maybe something inside him had been watching.
He swallows back terror. He corrals his confusion. "I just… tried."
They stare at each other, eyes unblinking. Were both of them hyperventilating or was it just Kakashi?
Then, Shikamaru pulls him into a suffocating hug.
"You showed up." He says, choking on his words. "T-…Thank god for you."
Oh.
Oh.
This…was shock.
As a rule, Kakashi doesn't hug. But…in this case, he decides to make an exception.
"I'm glad you're okay." He croaks out, exhausted. He's drained in a way he's never been before. He returns Shikamaru's embrace in the awkward, manly way he's only ever been able to do with Naruto. He pats the kid roughly on the back, a bit too obvious in his disorientation.
Together, they look back to where Ino is yelling at Sakura, reality finding purchase within his disbelief.
Kakashi can't…believe what he's just done. He'd stood himself between Sakura and death. Finally he's been there when it mattered.
Sakura was safe. She was alive.
He'd…won.
"I need to sit down." He says to Shikamaru. The boy seems hesitant to let him go, but he leaves Kakashi after some reassurance.
He watches Shikamaru get tackled by Naruto, then by Choji and some redheaded girl. He recognizes Shikamaru's shaking for what it is- the after tremors of a soldier pill. Poor kid's going to be in a world of pain once the side effects wears off. He'll be lucky to be able to move at all…
"Come get me if you need anything." Shikamaru calls to him, pointing to where he plans to sit down. His knee looks like a water balloon. It buckles beneath him as he hobbles away.
Kakashi nods, but doesn't intend to come find anybody. When no one is watching, he wanders over to the edge of the clearing. He sits down on the first rock he finds.
He waits until he knows he's alone, then takes a predatory breath.
Then he buries his face deep into his hands and he fucking sobs.
He sobs for Rin. He mourns Obito. He forgives himself for Minato. He remembers Hiruzen.
He lets out 15 years worth of pent of grief for the people he hadn't been able to save. He lets out one snot filled, embarrassed laugh for the one beautiful life he finally had. He sits there for seconds and he sits there for days. The night around him transforms into color.
Finally, he looks up from his salt wet hands, taking in the dawn of a bright new world.
Where the fuck was Sasuke? That boy was next.