Chapter 1 - Some Days It's Hard to See

Plot: Right after Shmi sends Anakin to the Jedi, she's suddenly transported over thirty years into the future, onto the bridge of the Executor when Vader is searching for Luke. Vader isn't terribly keen on his mother knowing who he's become, but Shmi figures out fast he's a slave, and she's going to do whatever she can to help him, whether he's her long-lost son or not.

Author's Note: This is a gift for Shidelhau on ao3. :)

I feel like some of Vader's thoughts are kinda weird because I honestly don't think I'm that good at writing him, at least not older him, but hey I tried. Hopefully, this is at least somewhat what you were hoping for.

~ Tirana Sorki

"Will I ever see you again?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

"I think so... Yes, I guess."

"Then we will see each other again. Now be brave, and don't look back, don't look back."

Those last moments Shmi had with her son have haunted her ceaselessly since the moment she watched him leave with the Jedi, to a better life. It's only been days, and every time she comes home at night, everywhere she looks, she's expecting to see Anakin there, but he's gone.

Gone to a better life, to something she could never have, and no matter how much it hurts every second, how much it feels like the only light her life ever had was just ripped away, she'll always be happy for him, glad that he's gone to something better. No matter how many nights all she can do is stare up at the empty ceiling of their hut, unable to stop – and not even trying to – the tears that come.

She misses him so much. She hardly remembers her own parents anymore, with how long ago she lost them. Anakin coming was... entirely unexpected and she'll never understand how it happened, but he was a gift that she treasured every moment she had him. Even if every second she remembers him is an agony in and of itself. But it's still the only happy time of her life that she truly has to remember.

But he's free, and that's what matters most. And maybe one day, he really will come back to free them.

Even if way in her heart, Shmi silently doubts that day is actually going to come. She gave up hoping for freedom years ago. It doesn't feel like something that ever could happen, not realistically. She knows how life is, the hardest side of it, and how likely it truly is that anyone escapes from this.

Anakin said they would see each other again and she knows his instincts are special, something that she can trust to happen. But still, their goodbye felt final. It was a certain feeling of finality, just like when she watched her father sold years ago, knowing there was a chance they could see each other again logically, but in her heart, she knew it was over.

It's the same way she feels now, even if she thinks they'll see each other again, just once. She doesn't really know what that will mean, though.

It's long dark now, another night entirely alone in their hut that Shmi goes to sit in Anakin's now empty room, and just... stay there for a while. Soaking in whatever is left of him. Half his mess he left behind and she hasn't touched it. Doesn't want to. She wants to keep all of it, even if that won't be realistic forever.

All she wants is to be with Anakin, and it's with that yearning in mind that she starts to doze off, even while sitting up. She's always exhausted, and this time it's to the point that she's only half aware of the slight shift in energy around her, the way the air is growing steadily more staticky before something surges around her.

Shmi jolts fully awake, halfway to her feet as the world around her is suddenly being re-written. It all happens so fast that she hardly has time to register it while it's happening, but suddenly, instead of being in Anakin's room on Tatooine, she's... standing somewhere else entirely?

She's seen inside of ships in space before, like when they were taken to Tatooine, and she's on one right now. She's standing on the bridge of a ship, and it must be enormous, because the ceiling towers far over her, and on either side of the bridge she's standing on, it drops down to a level below, where people are working at various controls.

Large viewports cover the wall in front of her, revealing the gaping emptiness of the space beyond.

Well, mostly emptiness because she can see other ships flying around far beyond, and asteroids far in the distance.

But the person who catches her attention most of all is the black, armored figure with a long cape standing at the front of the bridge. He turns sharply to face her, the mask expressionless but she doesn't need to see his face to be able to tell that he's staring at her, frozen.

It's not like she has any more of an idea what just happened. Her first thought would be that she's dreaming, but whatever kind of ship this is, isn't something she's ever seen before. She couldn't be imagining it so vividly.

This is real, and she has absolutely no idea how she got here. But Anakin's appearance in her life made even less sense than this, so she's maybe not quite as taken aback as she should be.

Except that she still has a bomb inside of her and if Watto realizes she's missing, that could be very bad. Seeing people explode and die in front of her is commonplace, but that doesn't mean she's no longer sensitive to it, that she doesn't care. That doesn't mean she didn't constantly fear that it could happen to Anakin one day, or to her and that she'd leave him entirely alone. Though, she shouldn't be able to be way out of range in the first place, so...

First off, she needs to figure out where she is, no matter how uncomfortable she's feeling at approaching any of these people. It must be the... Republic military? Or something.

People she doubts she can trust and is very wary about getting any form of attention from but considering that everyone on board is gaping at her in total confusion like she just appeared from thin air, that... is presumably what just happened, and they'll probably have no more of an idea what's going on than she does.

"Where is this?" Shmi asks, looking around, her voice feeling much too loud in the mostly quiet room of frozen people.

Most everyone's gazes dart between her and the armored figure, which she takes to mean he must be in control.

His respirator cycles several times, almost long enough that she thinks she isn't going to get an answer before he takes a step towards her. "You are on board the Executor," he replies, voice strangely mechanical.

That... is quite the name, and it only makes her more wary about what kind of people these are. "Are you... Republic?" Shmi guesses.

Why is everyone staring at her like she just sprouted horns?

He pauses again. "No. We will... speak elsewhere." The helmet turns to look at their audience. "Return to your stations," he orders, and everyone scrambles to get back to work, though they throw a few more curious glances in her direction as she follows the armored figure out the doors at the far end of the bridge.

The hallway is grey and lifeless, with no signs of life. They're alone out here. Though being around only one person is far more comfortable than stuck in an entire room of people who aren't slaves like her. (Especially men.)

"How are you here?" the cyborg asks, something confused and shocked in his voice at once, even if the tone is hard to interpret through the vocoder.

Does he know her? That could be either good or very bad, depending on who he is. "I don't know," Shmi replies, "I was – I just appeared here. I can't explain what happened."

"The Republic exists no longer," he answers, finally, "It has been over twenty years since it fell."

Shmi's blood runs cold. "What?" she asks, faintly. That doesn't make any sense.

"You are... from the past. You should not be here."

What?! For a panicked second, she had wondered that, but still none of this makes sense. How is the Republic gone? Not that she knows much about it, but as far as she's known, it's existed for almost a thousand years. Not that that's her top concern right now, because if she suddenly got transported over twenty years into the future, that means –

Force.

Anakin.

Where is he? What's been happening to him? What's – "Do you know me?" she asks, momentarily staving off on the most important questions.

He's quiet for an almost agonizingly long pause. "Once."

So he did know her. She can't think of who he could be – any slave she once met, or even... But somehow, her first thought isn't really that he's a slaver. "Who are you?"

"Vader."

The name draws up blanks. "I don't remember," she admits. He probably wasn't a cyborg when she knew him. It was also over twenty years ago. Wait. If she's in the future, has she even met him from the time she's from? How does that even work?

Vader twitches slightly, saying nothing.

"I don't understand how this happened. I wasn't... doing anything when it did." She has to get back to the past, to find Anakin. How will he ever see heragain if she isn't there?

"The disturbance in the Force was great," Vader replies, "I have seen nothing like this before."

The Force.

That means – Her hope flares, instantly. "Are you a Jedi?"

"No." The reply is curt, and it feels like it's carrying a million layers of... something she can't make sense of.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble," she begins, uncertain how to approach this because you can't just ask people for things, most of the time. Not without them expecting something in return. At least not unless they're also slaves, and she doesn't know these people at all, even if something about Vader feels familiar in a way she can't place. "Could you have someone bring me to the Jedi on Coruscant when you have time? They might have an answer to what happened."

Or so she can hope, but either way, Anakin should be there. And he'd be over thirty by now. Moments ago, he was just a little child. She can't even imagine it. It hurts in some cutting way she can't even describe, to miss so many years of his life even if she expected it, but at least she might have the chance to see him again.

Vader pauses again. "The Jedi are gone," he replies, "They betrayed the Republic, and most were destroyed, before the Empire formed."

... What?

That doesn't make sense. How could the Jedi be gone? And what does that mean for Anakin? These people must be part of the Empire, whatever helped destroy the Jedi. What happened to her son?!

He can't be – No, she refuses to believe that he's gone. He can't be. She can't accept that. She can't. If anyone could survive whatever happened, her Ani could. But she can't even – she can't bring herself to ask what happened to him. Vader might not even know.

But this leaves her floundering entirely, with no idea what to do now. Someone's told her what to do her entire life. There was never a question of what to do next. It always revolved around what her master wanted and Anakin, and she... doesn't have either right now.

"So long as you remain here, you will have a room and whatever you require," Vader says, almost as though reading her unasked questions. If he has the Force, maybe he can.

"I don't mean to trouble you –"

"It is no trouble. There is nowhere else safer for you," he replies, with a surprising amount of firmness. She doesn't know what to make of that.

"... Thank you," Shmi offers, scrambling for something to say. That attitude is strange and confusing. She doesn't know what to make of it.

"I will have a room prepared for your stay immediately. You may move wherever you desire on the ship. I will not allow anyone to trouble you."

... This is getting even stranger with each passing moment. But she really does want that private room right now. She needs a moment – more like many moments – to process everything that just happened.

**w**

Vader has never been so confused in his life. He can't stop reaching out with the Force, touching Shmi's presence to make sure that she's really real and somehow, she is. Somehow, Anakin's mother was transported here from the past, and he has no idea what to think of that.

For years now, he's grieved her loss. It was then he swore that he would never be too weak again. That he promised himself whatever it took, he would be enough to save people and he – he still failed, and he destroyed so much, and he –

What would she think of him now if she knew who he was? He's not her Anakin though, not truly. Anakin died years ago. The shadow that Vader is now is everything his mother would have disapproved of, and he can't even – he can't imagine facing whatever he would if she knew who he was.

Even if he can't truly imagine his mother ever... turning against him. Not her, even if everyone else he ever knew did. That doesn't stop the all-out, overwhelming shame that's drowning him as he sits alone in his meditation pod, struggling to gain some semblance of control over his raging emotions.

Except, he doesn't even have time for that, before Piett comes to inform him that Sidious is calling.

Whatever happens, he cannot allow Sidious to hear any word of this, any more than he can let his master know what he's pursuing Luke for. He should be on the Falcon, the ship they're chasing right now.

First, he finds out he has a son, and then his mother is brought back from the past, from the dead. He doesn't know what to even make of that, except that it's awakening a long-dead hope inside of him that – that he may not have to spend the rest of his life entirely alone. (Provided Luke or Shmi even want to look at him, once they know what he is. It's not as if he would deserve any less. He betrayed everything Shmi taught him, too.)

Banishing those thoughts from mind as much as he can, Vader heads to the room where Sidious' hologram is already waiting.

"There is a great disturbance in the Force," Sidious rasps, once Vader is kneeling in front of him.

He doesn't mean Shmi – No, it's probably Luke he means. Not that that's much better. "I have felt it," he acknowledges, obediently.

"We have a new enemy. The young rebel who destroyed the Death Star. I have no doubt this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker."

How does Sidious know that? He shouldn't – Vader never let that information slip to anyone. "How is that possible?" He wants to know that for multiple reasons because it shouldn't be possible.

If Sidious knows what he's thinking, it's as impossible to tell as ever. "Search your feelings, Lord Vader. You know it to be true. He could destroy us."

Vader already knows what Sidious is going to demand next, and he can't – he can't hurt him, no matter if he's their enemy. He's still Vader's child. "He is just a boy. Obi-Wan can no longer help him."

"The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi."

It's a risk, but he has to ask, to play this just right. "If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally."

"Yes," Sidious muses, but Vader doesn't feel any true relief at the agreement. There's always so much more to his master's words, and he doesn't know how much he's seeing, this time. "He would be a great asset. Can it be done?"

"He will join us or die, my master," Vader promises, unwilling to let his mind drift past any falseness in those words. (Though death would be better, than leaving Luke in Sidious' hands if he won't Fall.)

"Very well," Sidious agrees, studying him for a long pause, "And there has been another, more recent disturbance as though the fabric of the Force itself was torn apart."

He knows? Vader tries to tamp down on his instant surge of fear. Probably, all trained Force sensitives across the galaxy felt a disturbance that massive. "I have sensed it," he acknowledges.

"It is centered close to you. Have you discovered what caused this?"

"No, my master," he answers, carefully. It's true to a point. He has no idea what brought Shmi here.

"Discover it. And find the boy," Sidious orders, before the hologram flickers off, leaving Vader feeling even more unsettled than he was before.

If he can get to Luke, maybe –

If Sidious is genuinely afraid Luke can overthrow him, that must mean there's a genuine chance that he can. That maybe this is the chance Vader never realized he was waiting for, because he gave up hope for any freedom from Sidious long ago. (After Jabi'im and Malachor.)

And with his mother here too, perhaps this truly is what he's been waiting for. Perhaps it's even a sign from the Force that it's the right time to make a move.

Maybe he could even appoint his mother as Empress in Sidious' stead. She may know nothing of politics, but she would be the kind of leader the galaxy needs. Her and Luke both, and Vader can... enforce their will, as he always has with his master.

But first, he needs to find Luke.

And he's becoming steadily less impressed with the men's hopeless incompetence in tracking a ship, especially when they lose all traces of it entirely.

He might've lashed out once when Captain Needa comes to tell him the report in person, that they just lost Luke entirely, but something holds him back.

He can't shake that overwhelming, smothering guilt and shame that have been keeping him just as heavily in the Dark Side as he has been this entire time, but the thought of harming anyone – no matter how deserving – when Shmi is right on board stops him cold.

He... can't, and so he drops it, despite his growing frustration and desperation – and the wild panic at the knowledge that if he isn't fast enough, he might lose Luke and who knows what Sidious will do to Luke if he gets to him first. Not to mention that this is Vader's only chance at anything other than his master – and grimly settles back to wait for any further reports from the bounty hunters he called in.

**w**

Even some hours later, Shmi is still in shock over what happened. Though way inside, she can't help wondering if she ever would have seen Anakin again anyway, even if not for the time travel. Maybe this is the only chance she'd have at seeing him again – not that she has any idea where to start looking. Perhaps she should bring up the topic with Vader, as afraid as she is about hearing the answer.

Leaving her surprisingly nice quarters – she's never had any space this big before – she tries to make her way through the ship halls back to the bridge. Yes, she's been given permission to move freely but it's still making her increasingly uncomfortable because she doesn't really know how far that invitation extends. She doesn't want to push it and outwear her strange welcome. If she didn't want answers so much, she'd be tempted to just wait in her room entirely until Vader came by again.

Assuming he would. She doesn't really know if her presence here is a burden to him, something he doesn't really want, even if he was being very cordial about it. It's not like she has anything to offer him if she isn't – if she's free here. Is she? He certainly hasn't implied otherwise, but it's something she can't truly fathom.

Though there's something oddly familiar about him that she can't place.

Several people pause in halls to shoot glances at her, but one of them in particular catches her attention. He's an officer based on his uniform, and the way he's looking at her is distinctly unsettling.

There's something calculating, assessing, that she's seen on slavers before. He says nothing to her, though, so she picks up the pace, moving more quickly through the halls, though she's beginning to feel more and more lost.

Until she runs right into one of the people she remembers seeing previously on the bridge.

"May I assist you in any way, ma'am?" he asks, almost awkwardly.

"I don't mean to trouble you," she assures, "Is... Vader available?"

His expression twitches slightly. She can practically see the million questions spinning around his head, probably wondering who she is and what's with her and Vader. She's wondering that, too. "I will let him know you're asking for him."

Shmi opts to return to her room to wait after that, because it's far more comfortable to stay there than wander around the ship, risking getting in people's way. Hopefully, Vader won't be annoyed at her calling him out here, though she... doesn't really think so. It's an instinctive thing to expect anyway when she doesn't know if she's dealing with another slave or not.

It's not long before he shows up though, lingering in the doorway almost as though he's also uncomfortable. "You asked for me?" he inquires.

She's heard people address him as 'Lord' but he doesn't talk to her as though he's in control of something. Or of her. It doesn't make sense, unless...

"If it's not a problem," she begins.

"It is not," he answers, with a strange amount of fierceness, "If you ever desire my presence or... something from me, ask."

... She definitely doesn't need to worry about him being one of those freeborns. That level of generosity borders on something more like servitude, and... She'd wonder if he was a slave if everyone on the ship didn't seem to be under him. "When you told me about what happened to the Jedi earlier, do you know what happened to... Anakin Skywalker?" She practically holds her breath, waiting.

Vader twitches again. "He is... lost," the cyborg answers, haltingly, "But his son lives."

What?!

Anakin had a child?!

But he's gone, dead. Unless Vader has wrong information. The wave of grief is sharp and cutting, nearly overwhelming, even if a part of her still stubbornly disbelieves it. Years ago, she spoke to one of the... elders on Nal Hutta, after Anakin's birth, questioning how it could've happened. She was told Anakin could stay with her and help the slaves or he could leave and help the galaxy – and he left, and she can't believe he's gone unless he's already fulfilled his dreams. And it's far too young for him to be dead. (Or maybe, this is just her desperately clinging to a hope she already knows will be shattered.)

Focusing on the rest of what Vader said instead is easier. "He had a son?"

"Yes. Luke Skywalker. I am searching for him now."

"Why? Where is he?" She has a grandchild, and that – Maybe she can at least find him. Force, she can't imagine her little Ani being a father already.

"A rebellion is ripping apart all peace and order in the galaxy. He has been... misled into joining it, but I will find him."

That explains why they seemed to be pursuing ships when they first appeared. But fighting her grandson? That – she has no idea what he's like, but he must have a lot of Anakin in him, and would he fight against the Empire needlessly? After Tatooine, she's not overly fond of that term even if Jabba didn't really have a real government. She... doesn't really know what to make of this, so she'll refrain from judging the situation at all until she has more information. "What do you want with him?"

"I will convince him to join us and teach him the Dark Side. Together, he and I will be strong enough to overthrow the Emperor, and you and Luke may rule the galaxy alongside each other in his stead."

Wait, wait – What?! Vader's asking her to rule the galaxy. He's not joking, either. She can't even believe the direction this conversation is taking. And why would he want to have her and Luke in charge, if he could just take that power himself? Something isn't adding up here because it clearly means he doesn't want that position? Which is odd if he's trying to overthrow the Emperor in the first place.

"You don't want to... rule?" she asks because she certainly doesn't. She wouldn't even know what that would entail.

"No. I have... no experience in that regard. I will enforce order for you, as I have for the Emperor." He sounds hopeful, desperate even, despite the otherwise tonelessness of his voice.

And suddenly she has the very distinct feeling that he is a slave. Like some of the majordomos on Tatooine who are nearly always slaves, too. That they have people under their command doesn't make them any less slaves. Often, they tend to be the most broken of all and suddenly the way he's been acting towards her makes so much sense.

Except for the part where he seems to want her to be in charge of him.

"I don't have any experience in that regard," she says, opting to address that point first. "Does Luke?"

"I... do not know but I find it unlikely," he replies, "But you can learn."

He's definitely desperate for some reason. "Why do you want to overthrow the Emperor?" Maybe she's right about her speculation that the Empire isn't so good, if it has such a strong rebellion against it.

"He is... harming the galaxy, instead of bringing order as he promised."

Something about the tone feels far more personal than just that, but it pretty much confirms Shmi's suspicions. "Why do you want Luke, in particular, to help you?"

Vader hesitates. "The Emperor fears his power. He would not, if Luke did not have the potential to defeat him."

"You work closely under the Emperor?"

Another pause. "Yes."

She considers an actually sensitive way to ask what she's wondering. Likely, he won't want to confirm it, anyway. "You're not happy under him," she states, more than asks. That much is obvious.

Vader shifts, hesitantly momentarily. "He is... often harsh."

Just like she suspected. "If you need my help to free yourself, you will have it," she promises, softly, "If I could speak to Luke –" She's sure he would agree, too.

He twitches again. "I am not a slave," he objects.

He doesn't sound like he believes his own words. Shmi doesn't believe him, either.

But she knows that he needs her help, whoever exactly he is, and she's going to give it. And maybe along the way, she can find her grandson, and... hope to confirm that Anakin is actually still alive. Even if she knows she shouldn't cling to such futile hope, but often, all they've ever had is hope. Maybe she gave up on hoping for herself, but she never stopped hoping for something better for Anakin.

"I'll still help you," she replies,

Vader doesn't reply. He doesn't seem sure how to.

But she's glad she finally has some direction on what to do next. She'll worry about after – and the whole thing about being made Empress, which is admittedly terrifying – later, when it becomes a problem. It's more than enough already that she's never been free before and she's still trying to figure out what that means and how to handle it.

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