Anakin didn't say anything as he opened the door of their quarters.
He didn't have to.
Ahsoka knew what he was thinking purely based on his stance and the expression on his face.
She couldn't feel him through the Force. Anakin had his shields up so tight that she couldn't even touch them.
He only did that if he was hurt or full of rage. He'd once explained that it was to protect her from feeling the onslaught of his own amplified emotions.
He wasn't injured this time, he was just angry.
Only hours ago, Ahsoka's ship landed on Coruscant after her experience with Lux Bonteri and the Death Watch on Carlac.
She'd gone to the Halls of Healing first. Her broken skin was now covered in bacta patches and her filthy, tattered clothes had been replaced with the standard white shirt and long trousers that the Healers gave out.
After her trip to the Halls, Ahsoka had to speak to the Council. They weren't exactly pleased with her, but their punishments seemed mild compared to their usual sentences. She was grounded to the Temple for the next fortnight and had to help in youngling classes.
Those consequences were tolerable. She was feeling slightly more apprehensive about what her Master would have to say about her little vacation.
Anakin stood to the side, pointing towards the couch.
Resisting a sigh, Ahsoka walked over to it.
She should've expected it. That specific piece of furniture was usually where all of his lectures took place.
His glare burned into her skin as she let her heavy body fall onto the sofa, hiding a wince as her sore back touched the cushions.
Anakin stalked towards her, his features even more menacing in the dim light.
He came to a halt in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest and his feet shoulder-width apart.
Ahsoka swallowed, unsure if she should attempt to apologise or just keep her mouth shut until he addressed her first.
Both were risky options.
It was painful to meet his eyes, but Ahsoka knew that he was especially patronising about eye contact during these types of conversations.
"Did medical clear you?"
She blinked, surprised at his choice of opening statement.
"Y-Yeah," she rubbed her sweaty palms on her white trousers, feeling somewhat vulnerable without her typical uniform on.
"What were your injuries?"
Maybe she had overthought this. Maybe he wasn't as mad as she thought he would be. Maybe he was just worried, and not angry.
"Some lacerations on my legs," she said, remembering the initial sting as the ice and rocks scraped against her flesh. The cold had quickly made it go numb. "And cable burns on my stomach and back. Only one bruised rib."
"Cable burns?" He repeated, a question.
She nodded once.
"Explain."
The edge in his voice was a natural warning. She wouldn't be able to lie to him- he would know if she was telling him the truth or not.
"When the Death Watch realised I was a Jedi, that was how they took me back to camp."
Anakin was a smart man. He could identify strategic errors faster than any Admiral or tactical droid. He had aced his Knighthood exams, despite his claims that he wasn't book-smart.
So it didn't take long for him to connect the dots.
"They dragged you to their camp."
Another nod.
She could practically see the cogs turning in his head, registering how far she'd been pulled along the ground, through the sharp rocks and ice.
The extent of the pain hadn't kicked in until she was headed back to Coruscant. It must've been the adrenaline masking the pain.
"When I heard from the Council that you were on Carlac, I thought I'd be arranging your funeral tonight."
Ahsoka stared at her Master, shock stealing her breath for a moment. His expression was entirely serious.
"I even pulled out the box from the bottom of your wardrobe," Anakin continued. "The one with the purple dress in it that you said you would want to be cremated in, but I wasn't sure if I'd even get a body back."
Ahsoka knew the dress he was talking about. Padmé had bought it for her with the intention of it being worn to fancy dinners and galas, but Ahsoka had decided it would be saved in the instance that she died during the war.
Discussing her wishes with Anakin had been a rather difficult conversation, but he didn't protest her decision. He informed her of his wishes to have his ashes scattered between Tatooine and Naboo, two planets that meant a lot to him.
"Come on, Master," she said, her voice watery from held-back tears, "You didn't underestimate me that much, did you?"
Anakin's expression darkened impossibly further, "Do you even realise how lucky you are that we're having this conversation right now?"
She wasn't willing to admit that she thought he was being a bit dramatic.
Sure, the Death Watch were a widely feared terrorist group, but it was no different than the countless other times she'd been captured and separated from him.
"103."
She frowned, "What?"
"103." He repeated, "That's the estimated number of Jedi killed by the Death Watch."
The conversation between herself and Lux replayed in her mind. She warned him that the terrorists were murderers, sworn to destroy the Jedi.
And yet, she didn't realise it was that many.
"They burn Jedi alive at stakes, Ahsoka," Anakin continued, "They cut off limbs and leave the amputated bodies to bleed out and starve. I've seen pictures of faces melted off with acid. They torture Jedi purely for satisfaction, they don't even ask for information."
Ahsoka swallowed hard. It was always difficult to understand that some people across the galaxy hated Jedi so much that they targeted them. Now Anakin was providing her with the evidence.
"And don't think they wouldn't turn an execution into a performance." He said sternly, "I've seen the footage of their little shows- the victims are hardly recognisable by the end."
Suddenly, his earlier admittance about his uncertainty regarding whether the Death Watch would return her body made sense.
Anakin wasn't afraid that they might kill her; he was afraid of what they might do to her first.
He didn't know if they were going to butcher her limbs off like they'd done with their other victims, or if they would melt her skin or burn her in a bonfire. He didn't know if he would have to attempt to identify her if there was even anything left.
Ahsoka's eyes felt blurred, but she resisted the urge to break down. She didn't want to face Anakin's judgement.
"But I bet Bonteri didn't make them sound so bad, huh?" Anakin said, his tone slightly mocking before becoming serious again. "You weren't supposed to go after him, Ahsoka. Why did you abandon your post?"
Because Padmé told her too.
She didn't say that to Anakin.
Padmé's instructions to follow Lux weren't orders. Had Ahsoka not wanted to risk her life, or even suggested that they tried to help him in the first place, then the Senator wouldn't have forced her.
"I want an answer." Anakin reminded her, his patience wavering.
Ahsoka licked her lips, blinking away the tears that remained.
"I felt the need to protect him."
It wasn't a lie.
Even when she woke up on Carlac, her first thought was about Lux's safety rather than her own. She could've run before the Death Watch even realised she was a Jedi, but she didn't.
"To protect him?" Anakin repeated, "Ahsoka, the bastard didn't want your protection!"
She couldn't help but jump when his voice raised to a shout.
It wasn't unheard of for the two Jedi to find themselves screaming at each other. Usually, it happened in the hangar after stressful missions. Only once had they got into a screaming match during a mission which resulted in Rex having to mediate the situation.
They hadn't shouted at each other in a long time.
Anakin wasn't finished either.
"Did you think he gave two kriffs about you?" He shouted, gesturing with his arms, "Do you think myself, or even Rex, would put you into a situation like that and expect you to protect us?"
No, she wanted to say. They cared for her too greatly to even consider it.
She opened her mouth, "I- I wasn't supposed to be there."
"I know that." Anakin snapped, "But if Lux wasn't such an idiot, he would've found a way to keep you away from the Death Watch in the first place. He should've known that taking you there was dangerous. Hell, he should've known that going there himself was a death wish!"
The insult directed towards Lux had anger running through Ahsoka's veins, and she stood up suddenly.
"He's not an idiot, Master!" She shouted, ignoring the flare of pain through her body from forcing herself upright. She was pretty sure it tugged the dressings loose on the cable burns that wrapped around her back.
"Really?" Anakin raised an eyebrow, "I beg to differ."
"He didn't know who they were, he thought they would help him." She replied, feeling a tear drop onto her cheek despite her attempts to prevent herself from crying, "He just wanted justice for his mother- he didn't mean any harm!"
Anakin scoffed, "Look at yourself! Lux didn't even have the decency to treat your wounds before he deserted you! What if you weren't able to pilot the ship in your condition? What if you were ambushed by pirates?"
"Then I would've called you for backup," she retaliated, her anger growing. She was aware that she was trying to fight fire with fire. "That's what you're here for!"
Her Master shook his head, "You should've called me the second you woke up on Carlac, after Lux tased you!"
Ahsoka paused, swiping at a stray tear, "How did you-" It clicked, "Well, tell R2 I said thanks for spying and snitching on me."
"Hey!" Anakin pointed at her, "Without R2, you'd be dead right now."
"Yeah, sure," she sneered back, "You fitted him with a SOS beacon and you're having a go at me for not calling you sooner. Seriously, Master?"
"Seriously, Ahsoka?" He mocked her, "You're really going to have an attitude with me? You're on very thin ice right now!"
"What are you going to do?" She argued, "The Council already grounded me!"
"I don't think two weeks is long enough for you to reflect on your actions," he replied, "A month might do the trick."
She was pretty sure her eyes were bulging out of her head.
A fortnight of staying in the Temple, she could manage, but a month? She would surely die of boredom.
The threat was enough for Ahsoka to keep her mouth shut. Anakin was very clearly irritated, and reacting would only make it worse. She didn't know if he was bluffing, but she wasn't willing to take the chance.
"I see that's got you behaving," Anakin muttered, crossing his arms over his chest again. "We'll finish this conversation tomorrow. Go to your room."
Ahsoka hated it when he spoke to her like she was his inferior. It didn't even feel like Anakin at that moment, he was just General Skywalker.
She bit down hard on her tongue as she turned and walked away. She didn't like the feeling of defeat after an argument like this. It made her feel small and pathetic.
"You'll be spending the day in meditation tomorrow," Anakin said as she was reaching her room. "I expect you to be up at 0500."
She shook her head, mumbling under her breath, "You've got to be kidding."
She knew it was a mistake as soon as the words left her lips.
"Do you want to repeat that?" Anakin asked sternly.
She'd already stuck her foot in this mess. It couldn't get much worse.
Ahsoka glanced over her shoulder and spoke louder, "I said: you've got to be kidding."
"Do I look like I'm joking?" Anakin demanded, "Any more attitude from you, and you won't even be training whilst you're grounded. Do you understand?"
"Yeah," she replied lazily, opening her bedroom door.
He was still glaring at her, "Yes, what?"
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she corrected herself and stepped inside her room, "Yes, Master."
/
/
Ahsoka sucked in a breath, attempting to dispel the pain in the Force as she pulled the final sticky corner of her dressing away from her inflamed skin.
The Healers said she wouldn't need to change the dressings until the next evening, but suddenly standing up during her argument with Anakin had caused one bacta patch to come loose.
Ahsoka put the used dressing on the counter in the fresher, precariously twisting the top half of her body to better see the wound in the mirror.
Three stripes marked her skin, stretching from her ribcage to her spine. She had her shirt tucked under her chin, serving another difficulty as she attempted to survey the damage.
The cables had dug into her flesh, causing wounds that went deep into her skin. Ahsoka winced again, gently touching the bruising around the wounds.
It probably looked a lot worse than it was, but the pain was enough to make her pull her hand away.
Sighing, Ahsoka dropped her shirt back into place and looked at her medkit that was spread out over the counter. She only had the basics for field medicine, none of her bacta patches would even be big enough to cover the wounds without potentially getting stuck to one.
She dreaded having to remove it later.
She rubbed her hands up her face. Ahsoka knew that Anakin had a better-stocked medkit than she did, but she didn't want to bother him right now.
There was no telling if he was still angry with her, and she didn't want to risk another argument breaking out.
She still hadn't recovered from the last one.
She'd spent a long time sitting on the edge of her bed, wondering if Anakin would come to talk to her or not. When she heard his bedroom door close, she gave up hope and tried to sleep instead.
The pain of lying down quickly diminished that option.
Lifting the hem on her shirt again, Ahsoka tried to figure out how to keep the wound clean and covered with her limited supplies. She had a full role of physio tape that Zyme had given her for growing pains, but she would never hear the end of it if Zyme found out she had stuck physio tape over an open wound.
The sound of a knock on her fresher door made Ahsoka startle. She quickly turned and then immediately felt pain burn down her side.
"Y-Yeah?" She stuttered, attempting to pack up her medkit and shove it out of sight.
"I'm just returning that box," Anakin said through the door, his voice hoarse. "I've put it back in your wardrobe."
Her dress.
She still hadn't quite gotten over the fact that he'd been so scared for her life that he got it out.
"Thank you," she said.
"Are you getting ready for bed?" Anakin asked, apparently still there. "We should talk."
Ahsoka swallowed. The screaming arguments were one thing, but the inevitable conversations that followed were another.
Honestly, she'd rather he yelled at her than try to explain what she had done wrong in a patronising manner.
"I'll be there in a minute," she replied- because refusal wasn't an option.
Ahsoka paused, knowing she couldn't go and see him with her wound left open like this.
She rested her forehead against the fresher door.
"Master."
There was a silence for a moment. Ahsoka suddenly felt like a very young child, asking for Master Plo to help her settle in the crèche in the first months of her coming to the Temple.
The crèche Masters had allowed him to stay at nighttime for a while, but eventually they said she needed to learn how to self-soothe. The first few nights that Master Plo had to leave before she was asleep were filled with tears and feelings of abandonment.
Funnily enough, the way she felt as she waited for Anakin to reply was almost the same way she felt while waiting for Master Plo to return.
"What do you need?"
His response was gentle, not snappy. As if he'd been expecting it.
Relief gathered in her chest like a swarm of buzzing insects. She quickly released the feeling into the Force before she melted into a puddle of gooey emotions.
"I don't have any large bacta patches," she said, already dreading the onslaught of questions she was about to be flooded with.
Only they never came.
"I'll be right back." Anakin said, and then his Force-signature moved away from the door.
Ahsoka blinked, feeling stupidly emotional yet again. She felt like she wanted to burst into tears and have Anakin rock her to sleep. She wanted to go back in time and make up some excuse to not take Padmé to those negotiations.
Ahsoka sniffed, wiping at her eyes before tears could fall down her cheeks. She stepped away from the door and slumped onto the closed toilet lid.
She couldn't quite pinpoint the exact emotion that she was feeling. Partially, it was regret for what she had done, followed closely by anger that she had allowed it to happen.
Objectively, Ahsoka knew that Lux had to take a large slice of the blame, but it was she who allowed the Death Watch to murder so many natives.
She felt the same way about the damn kiss that Lux imposed on her. Sure, he had borderline assaulted her, but she should've been more in tune with their surroundings to sense Pre Vizsla's approach. She also could've pushed Lux away, but that would've only led to suspicion about who she was claiming to be.
And how did it end?
Lux was Force-knows-where, and Ahsoka was miserable. She was taking the blame for his master plan to revenge his mother's death, whilst he galivanted around the galaxy.
The most prominent emotion wasn't anger or regret; it was shame.
Shame that she hadn't even regarded how Anakin felt about her being held captive by the Death Watch. Shame that he'd thought he might have to identify her body. Shame that she hadn't called him the second she woke up on Carlac.
Another light knock on the door startled her from her thoughts, followed by Anakin's voice, "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," she breathed, though she made no effort to stand, feeling too overwhelmed to even move.
She heard the lock click as he opened it, and found herself mildly surprised that he'd asked for her permission beforehand.
The door opened. Anakin had a frown on his face, though his eyes looked tired.
"Oh, Snips," he entered, placing his own medkit on the counter before kneeling in front of her. She looked at the floor, embarrassment rippling through her.
A flesh hand was pressed against her cheek, and she automatically leaned into his palm. With the pad of his thumb, rough from years of using a lightsaber, he gently brushed away her tears.
She put her hand over his, squeezing it gently but refusing to lift her gaze.
"I'm sorry for worrying you," she croaked out.
She heard him take a deep breath, though he didn't make an actual response. In her mind, that suggested he hadn't forgiven her.
She shifted on the hard toilet seat, a grimace passing over her features as she accidentally twinged her side.
Anakin sighed, standing up. "I need to take a look at that. Hang on."
With ease, Anakin slipped his arms around her lower back and under her legs. She was quickly lifted off the toilet and deposited onto the equally hard counter. She risked a glance in the mirror and was met with her own tear-stained face.
"Show me," Anakin said softly, placing his kit on her lap and opening it.
Ahsoka slowly lifted her shirt to display the injury. She watched through the mirror as Anakin immediately found the wound, and his sharp intake of breath was almost silent.
She waited as he washed his hands with hot water and soap, his eyes never leaving the three deep wounds on her side.
"How long do the Healers think it will take for them to heal?" Anakin asked, drying his hands before looking through his kit for a suitable bacta patch.
"A week or so," she mumbled, lifting her arm out of the way so he could get better access to the injury.
"And the other cable burns," Anakin continued, his eyes finally lifting to meet hers, "Are they this bad as well?"
She shook her head, "No, these are the worst ones."
Anakin held her gaze for a moment longer, likely determining if she was telling the truth, before focusing on applying the bacta patch. Ahsoka slowly breathed through the pain of having him press against the wound, even though he was being gentle.
"I'm sorry for shouting at you earlier," Anakin said, smoothing out the corners of the bacta patch.
"I shouted at you too," she mumbled back, keeping her eyes lowered as he tended to her.
"I started it," he said firmly, "You didn't need to know all the details about the Death Watch's victims."
"Maybe I did," she suggested.
Anakin scoffed, "I could've given you a week's rest before the lecture anyway."
She managed a smile in his direction, "It wouldn't have had the same impact by then."
Anakin didn't reply. His hand was laid gently over the bacta patch that was now sealed to her skin. She almost asked what he was doing, and then she saw his eyes close.
Almost immediately, she could feel the Force working internally. He was healing her, aiding the damaged skin to repair itself and taking the edge off the sharp pain.
Anakin didn't do this often. He strongly encouraged her to only use the Force to heal if it was a life-or-death situation. The few times he'd done it for her, she was either bleeding out or had a broken bone without any access to painkillers.
It was taxing on the provider. Even Anakin, with his strong connection to the Force, could become worn out by healing. The fact that he was willing to tire himself, for her, meant a lot.
Eventually, Anakin's eyes opened and he drew his hand away. Ahsoka could already feel the effect of the healing. When she moved, the pain was no longer breathtaking. It was tolerable, potentially even ignorable.
"You didn't have to do that," she said quietly, looking up at Anakin.
The newfound exhaustion was evident on his face, though he shrugged and brushed her off. "Don't mention it."
Ahsoka pressed her lips together, "I am sorry for worrying you."
"I know," he offered her a small smile, zipping up his medkit. "You don't have to wake up early tomorrow. You could use the rest."
She tried to hide her relief, "Thanks."
He pointed her with a glare, but there was no temper behind it. "But the day after, I expect you to be up at 0700. I'm not letting you get out of that meditation."
Ahsoka attempted to tease him, disliking how solemn they were acting, "Did it ever work when Obi-Wan set you meditation punishments?"
"Not really," he chuckled, "but it meant he didn't have to worry about me sneaking off if we were sitting in the same room together."
She gave him a confused look, "You're going to meditate with me?"
"Of course." He frowned, "Did you think I'd make you do it alone?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, "You seemed quite… done with me."
Anakin sighed, taking her shoulders in his hands so she had to face him.
"Ahsoka, I will never be done with you." He told her firmly.
"You might have seriously misjudged a very dangerous situation, and failed to follow the Jedi procedures for being in such a situation, but nobody can tell you that you weren't a complete badass for escaping the Death Watch, even whilst lugging a dead weight of a human being behind you."
She opened her mouth to chaste his insult at Lux, but he cut her off, "I didn't call him an idiot."
Her shoulders slumped, and Ahsoka smiled, "He might be a bit of an idiot."
His words were reassuring, even if she still felt some shame for getting herself in that situation.
"Do you forgive me?" Ahsoka asked carefully, "For ending up on Carlac?"
"It was hardly your fault, was it?" Anakin squeezed her shoulders, "But, yes, I forgive you. Prove to me that you've learnt from your mistakes by not risking your life for any more politicians unless I've explicitly told you to, and we're good."
It felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest.
"Now," he said, "Do you forgive me for shouting?"
"Yeah," she assured him, "I knew it wasn't directed at me."
"That doesn't matter," Anakin leaned down slightly so they were eye to eye. "I shouted at you after you'd returned from a hostage situation. I let my emotions get out of control, especially my fear, and I took that out on you. For that, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she assured him, clutching his elbows. "Honestly, Master, you made me see a different side to it."
Anakin smiled, seemingly reassured that he hadn't damaged their relationship. Ahsoka was just relieved they had been able to resolve this before it spiralled into days of silent treatment or petty remarks.
"You should go to bed," he murmured, standing up straight and packing up his medkit. "I'm here all day tomorrow. I'm sure we can find something to do to pass the time, maybe play Guardian Quest?"
Ahsoka was fond of the board game that Obi-Wan had bought them a few months ago. It had taken them a while to get the hang of it, but it made a change from watching the HoloNet.
"I'd like that," she said, "You better get some sleep too, instead of working on droids all night."
"I didn't exactly sleep well whilst you were MIA," Anakin admitted, making her feel slightly guilty.
Humming, Ahsoka lifted her arms towards him, "Tuck me in?"
Anakin rolled his eyes, "Now, you're milking it."
Regardless, he slipped his arms around her back and under her legs, just like he'd done before. His Force-healing was proving effective, as being held didn't hurt at all.
As he lifted her, he let out a dramatic groan of pain, causing her to playfully slap at his chest.
"You're not that old," she scoffed as he carried her out of the fresher.
"I'm not even old," he retorted, using the Force to pull back the covers on her bed. "I bet Lux can't lift his own body weight."
"It's probably a good thing I didn't bring him back to Coruscant," Ahsoka muttered as Anakin lowered her onto the mattress. "His likelihood of surviving your interrogation would've been lower than his chances of surviving the Death Watch."
"Interrogation is a strong word," Anakin pulled the sheets up to her chin, "I prefer enforced questioning. Now, get some shut-eye."
He crouched down to kiss her forehead, and where Lux's lips felt seared onto her lips, the gesture from Anakin made her feel fuzzy inside. It made her feel safe.
"Goodnight, Master," Ahsoka closed her eyes, feeling as though sleep wasn't going to run away from her like it had earlier.
"Goodnight, Snips," he flipped off her lights, "Sleep well."