I stood frozen at the top of the stairs when Edward found me.
"You don't have to do this, Love," he said again.
Down below, the last large group of customers emptied onto the street with bags of books and cups of tea.
Edward would not allow me near the crowds from the grand opening, nor would he let me near the weekend swarms. His sister Esme came into town to help him out while his fiancée was too ill. At first, I was irritated. The whole point was for me to get integrated into society again. But, when Edward held out his hand for me to join him, I hesitated, Jasper's words ringing in my ears.
Nearly two months had passed, and I had yet to enter the fray.
It was a Monday evening. From what I could tell, there were eight people spread evenly throughout the store. Two of those eight had been in since the afternoon, lounging on our plush sofas. Whether they were simply lost in their books or lingering to catch a glimpse of the elusive fiancée, I did not know. Three were in the attic, studying. The others were browsing our carefully curated selection.
"I want to do this."
I wanted to live this life with Edward, and it needed to begin already. I had been a vampire for almost six years with almost no progress. Edward claimed I was stronger, but I needed something tangible. A test I could receive a good grade on.
Edward took my hand and together we walked down the steps. My acute ears picked up the excited whispers as we passed. Edward led me all the way to the front desk and sat me on the stool in front of the cash register. I would say he was hamming it up, but the customers were eating it up. Judging by the quirk of his lips, I knew he was having fun. Now that the love of his life was no longer human and constantly hunted for sport and there were no moral obligations impeding upon our relationship and the threat of another suitor stealing my heart was long gone, he could enjoy a bit of drama.
He kissed my forehead, then my cheek. Edward looked particularly dashing in this bookshop owner persona of his. To help age his face, he wore a pair of round, gold-wired glasses. They only made him more handsome—I didn't believe such a thing was even possible. He sauntered away, looking perfectly in place in the bookshop with his button-down, slacks, and colorful socks.
A quiet cough made me realize I had been staring at Edward for too long. I was glad I could no longer blush because I would have been bright red when I noticed the line of people at the register. A group of three students, it seemed. Each with wide eyes of wonder and bewilderment.
I ducked my head. A knee-jerk reaction after a lifetime of plainness and self-doubt. It took a few seconds to remember that they stared because I was beautiful. Not because they deemed me unworthy of Edward's affection.
"Did you find everything you needed?" I asked, trying my best not to smile too widely. Edward warned me about that. Their jaws dropped simultaneously at the beauty of my high, alluring voice.
It took the girl at the front of the line a moment too long to compose herself. "Yes," she croaked. "I did."
I ignored the growling voice in my head that told me her weakness to my beauty would make her an easy target. I forced myself to look into her eyes—to see the person within. Try as I might, the sound of wet, pulsing blood filled my ears. The pounding of her heart and the pulsing of her blood was so loud, I barely heard myself say, "I'm so glad. When we opened, I was nervous the selection wouldn't be broad enough."
"It's a perfect selection," the girl in the back said, hugging her book to her chest like a lifesaver. She was bigger than the others—which meant she would be the slowest. Not that it mattered. The fastest, fittest person on earth could not outrun me. Still, I wondered if her luscious, larger body contained more blood. It certainly made her more appealing.
I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed a thick mouthful of venom. Drawing from the years of training for these moments, I opened my eyes and immediately sought hers.
Humanize, humanize, humanize.
She wore a high-fashion, vintage-inspired sort of outfit. Alice would probably love it, but I had no opinions on fashion. Her lips were red, and her blue eyes were enhanced with a chic, black line. Something Rosalie could appreciate but I could care less about. Finally, I found the book in her hand. I read the first line of the blurb on the back.
Mr. Darcy Vampyre.
A book so perfectly tailored to my preferences, I laughed out loud the first time I saw it.
She was an Austen fan. And a vampire fan. Surely, I couldn't rid the world of someone with such exemplary taste. We needed more hopeless romantics.
As the Cullens promised, humanizing her helped significantly. My smile felt more genuine as I thanked her for the compliment. To make up for my initial hunting instincts against her, I took extra time to talk to her about her book selection, then—because of the subject matter—her romantic life. Three boys at college were subtly vying for her affection, and she was choosing which one she wanted.
"And you're engaged to..." she clamped her lips shut, realizing too late that she wasn't supposed to know that. She could have only acquired that information from town gossip. Especially since my left ring finger remained suspiciously bare.
"Edward," I smiled. It was going to be fun to tell our story to this girl. It felt like I was giving her a gift. People all over town would flock to her for the fresh gossip. I twirled a strand of my silken hair around my finger, wondering if I should keep it boring so that people wouldn't talk about us or create a real sob story. "We're high school sweethearts."
"Aw," she cooed, "How long have you been together?"
"Almost eight years. There was some on-again, off-again in the beginning. I say that, but it stayed very much on in my head," I laughed.
She joined in with my laughter. Then, she blushed.
The monster within howled.
How did Edward enjoy my blushes? How did he not rip my head off upon witnessing the first rush of blood to my cheeks?
"Edward," I gasped.
Her eyes widened as she took a tentative step back. My hunter's instincts flared at such a pathetic sign of weakness. The sweet flavor of her fear coupled with the tempting scent of her blood. I craved it.
Edward's sweet honey-orange scent shifted the air. "Hey, hey, hey." To the human eye, it looked like he gently wrapped his arm around me to give me support, but only I could feel the iron grasp of his hold.
"Remember to breathe…" he said in a low, soothing voice. A reminder to do the opposite.
I cut off the air to my lungs. The rush of wooziness in my head had nothing to do with the lack of air. I gripped the desk, repeating to myself over and over again that she liked Jane Austin. She liked my store. If I gave her the opportunity, we could be friends.
"Sorry," he smiled at the girl. I turned and tucked my face into his armpit before I could see the girl's blush inevitably deepen.
"It's okay." The words were high and tight.
With one arm around me, Edward finished the checkout process I was unable to complete. He tucked a sticker with a bee and another with a sprig of lavender into the book and handed it to her. "Have a great night."
"Thank you." After a long, indecisive pause, "Feel better."
Edward held me until the sound of windchimes announced her departure.
"I'm going to go home," I whispered into the fabric of his shirt.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
"If you insist." He released his grip on me. "Go through the back."
Tail tucked between my legs, I did as I was told. The back office was right behind the counter. I spent the last several weeks hidden in this room, acclimating myself to the warm, delicious scent of human blood. It was sleek and stylish—the total opposite of the shop out front. Reminiscent of Edward's room in the Fork's house, complete with a gold rug and Barcelona Bench. The state-of-the-art computer hummed on his glass-top desk. I usually rolled my eyes every time I stepped into this room but couldn't find it in me to be incredulous of Edward's opulence. Instead, my fingers traced affectionately along the glass rim. I loved everything about him, down to his ridiculous taste in furniture.
"I love you." Edward's whispered words brushed past my ear as gently as a breeze.
I loved him, too. So, so much. So much, it made all this suffering and failure tolerable.
Edward once said the pain he felt around my blood was the price he felt he needed to pay to be with me. Throughout our early relationship, he withstood fire and brimstone for the kisses I eagerly sought. I always found it unfair, that he should work so hard for so little. Even after I dug deep and discovered the depth of his feelings for me, I saw the injustice. He paid while I received.
I finally had my own price to pay. I would struggle through this life and the heartbreaking failure that came with it tenfold if it meant that I could stay with Edward.
I didn't return to our cottage, instead, I went to the main house where I knew Esme would be alone for a few more hours. There was so little I could truthfully share with her about my time as a vampire, but this small failure was something I could. She was in her sunroom, sketching patterns on a large canvas.
"How was it today, Pet?"
I had already broken one of Esme's delicate couches by collapsing on it, so I remained in the doorway, hugging my arms to my chest.
"I wanted to kill someone."
She stiffened for a moment. Her arm was around my waist in the next, guiding me into the studio. She ran her fingers through my hair, "Try not to phrase it like that. I know in my heart you would never want to kill anyone. 'There was nearly a lapse in my control'. Doesn't that sound more accurate?"
I nodded into her hair like a needy toddler nearing the end of their tantrum.
"I am, however, glad that you understand the gravity of our situation. A lapse in control is a serious matter," she sighed, contemplatively. "It's a tough line to walk: to give ourselves the grace we deserve while remaining aware that our mistakes are a matter of life and death. It's something you will find, in time."
Even to an immortal, the thought of waiting was intolerable.
"Let's talk about all the things you did right. You removed yourself from a precarious situation. You listened to your strengths and your weaknesses. You were comfortable sharing with me." She rubbed her hand on my shoulder. "You have a lot to be proud of."
Again, I only nodded. The accomplishments rang hollow. Like a human earning a ribbon for not gnawing off their own hand.
Because I could think of nothing honest to say, we lapsed into silence. Esme let me remain at her side as she drew, with my arms around her waist and my cheek against her shoulder. As a small child, I would often sit beside Renee and watch her craft. I would look down at my own clumsy hands and wish I could use them with ease and grace. Much of my life had turned upside down since then, but this small aspect remained the same. I stared in awe as Esme handled the wooden pencil, knowing it would be sawdust in my clumsy grip.
Soft strums of a guitar wafted into the room, courtesy of Edward's newest instrument. The subtle signal that he was home. Esme tightened her arm around my waist and let go so we could meet Edward in the living room. She outdid herself with her new house. There was glass, but instead of the floor-to-ceiling windows in the last house, the walls were overtaken by tall, arched windows, decorated with intricate, floral trim. The trim continued up and around the ceiling. We stepped off the light walnut herringbone flooring onto the plush, white carpet. We sat on the low, velvet green sofa, opposite the grand, marble fireplace. Two long paintings hung on either side, depicting the landscape of Forks, with its rich, green mosses and dense pine trees.
Edward's gentle strumming continued as he spoke, "I hope you told Bella she would not have hurt that girl. Or anyone else, for that matter."
His unshakable faith in me would have been nice if it weren't built on a bed of my own lies. As it was, it filled me with guilt whenever Edward spoke of how proud he was of me. I reached for the object at the center of the coffee table before Esme could answer out loud. Edward would hear her unfiltered thoughts, and I didn't want to deal with any more honeyed words that night. "Esme, is this new?"
"It is! One of Rose's pieces. Isn't it pretty?" I turned the vessel in my hands. "I'm going to the flower farm a few towns away to buy bouquets for this and a few other vases tomorrow. Would you like to come?"
"She has a shift tomorrow," Edward reminded her, playfully. "She's desperately needed at the shop."
"I believe the owner of your fine establishment can dictate where assets are most valuable. And this lovely asset is most valuable at the flower farm."
"True, but as a wise and wonderful owner, you delegated tedious, day-to-day responsibilities to the manager, including essential employees. So, I believe I have the final say."
"Bella, would you like to replace Edward as manager of La Bella Libra?"
"I would."
Esme turned back to challenge her son, "Now what are you going to do?"
Defeated, Edward muttered an oath under his breath. All three of us laughed.
Laughter caught in Esme's throat at the familiar sound of Carlisle's shoes on the footpath outside. Delighted, she hopped up from the sofa to greet him at the door, like she always did. Like a schoolgirl preparing to see her first crush, Esme adjusted her collar and fluffed her hair. Edward and I shared a smile.
When he turned to face Edward and me, his handsome face was somber. Carlisle pulled a letter out of his briefcase. From their reactions, Esme and Edward already knew what it meant. Even with my enhanced vision, it looked like a regular, old letter to me.
"It's from Aro."
My breath caught in my lungs as I pictured the ancient vampire's face in my mind. A long line along my stomach burned, where I was cut and left in the snow for dead, to force Edward to turn me. Most of my human memories were a faded blur, but I could recall the night I had been turned like it was yesterday.
Edward was at my side in an instant. The disjointed thrum of the guitar hitting the floor echoed in the back of my mind, overpowered by howling winds from a night long ago. I gripped Edward's hand with both of mine, forcing myself to stay in the present moment. To push away the pain that felt too real.
"We have nothing to worry about," Esme began, still clutching onto Carlisle's garments. "He won't be interested in her."
"But his eyes will always fall on Alice," Edward thought out loud.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Esme continued. "He's most likely informing us that he will be in the area with the hope that Carlisle will see him."
Edward's hand guided my head down to rest on his shoulder. I lifted it back up, blinking hard. I spent too much time in the Cullen household out of the loop for the sake of my safety. I grit my teeth against the dredges of agony and straightened my spine.
"Perhaps I will take him up on the offer this time around," Carlisle said, "Smooth down ruffled feathers."
Esme pursed her lips but said nothing.
Carlisle opened the letter. Simultaneously, his and Edward's features fell. They shared a long, aggravating look before they opened their silent conversation to the rest of us.
"He cannot possibly have this hold over you," Carlisle said, his expression closer to anger than I'd ever seen.
"There is a good chance that he does," Edward said, meekly. He pushed his hair away from his forehead. "It was a challenging evening."
Carlisle held up the letter. "According to this, there is a verbal agreement between you two that he can call upon you thrice and you cannot refuse."
"That might be correct."
Carlisle crushed the letter in his fist. "Might?"
"Dear…" Esme started, but Carlisle ignored her. His golden eyes were fixed upon his son. They glowed not from anger, but with fear. His son had pledged loyalty to a vicious vampire elite. One that could ask him to do anything, including betraying his own morals.
"They were going to let her die," Edward whispered, his voice barely audible. "I would have agreed to anything."
He would have. We were lucky Aro didn't ask Edward to join his forces then and there. From what I experienced in Volterra, Aro wasn't an idiot. He knew better than to force Edward or Alice's hands, and risk their retribution and Carlisle's. He had to play the long game. And he had the time.
One of those three favors held a trap.
"I will go with you," Carlisle declared. His tone left no room for argument. "I will make it clear that whatever you do, I will bear the burden as well."
Esme sucked a sharp breath through her nose. I bit back a vicious retort. Our protests would fall on deaf ears.
"When do we leave?"
"As soon as we are able."
"Two weeks?" Edward proposed.
"That would be an appropriate amount of time to put in my two weeks."
"You're going to quit?" Esme asked.
"I don't know how long this endeavor will take, whatever it is." Carlisle smoothed his shirt. "The hospital will always hire me back."
Silence as thick and tangible as fog settled over the room.
Edward was going to leave. I was never myself when we were apart. Could I hold the monster back without him? Or would it seep into the empty parts Edward always took with him and overpower me?
Esme and Carlisle nearly forgotten, Edward and I reached for one another. The dark forest rushed past in a blur of changing leaves and smudges of light from lingering fireflies.
On any other night, Edward would switch on his record player, and I would light candles around the room. There was no place for pageantry that evening. We both knew where this was going. Knew that our time together was coming to an end, no matter how brief.
My fingers found the fabric of his shirt and I pulled him into me. His mouth opened on mine, his tongue sliding over my bottom lips, and he came low, kissing me more deeply. His fingers moved down the length of me until he had a tight hold on the waist of my jeans. Then he was walking us back, pushing me up and onto the piano bench without breaking his mouth from mine. The air around us was already on fire, but I could now feel it inside of me.
He moved between my legs, scooting me close enough so that he could press against me, and a helpless sound broke in my chest. His hands went to my hair, unraveling it down my back. There wasn't a storm-churned sea of thoughts in my head. There was only this—the way his skin felt under my palms as I undressed him. The searing wake his mouth left on my throat—despite his cold skin. The way it hurt just a little when he touched me, because I always ached for more.
He pulled my legs up around him, and he groaned as we came together. My chest rose and fell beneath his, and he stilled for a moment, his breaths slowing as his forehead rested against mine.
"I love you," he breathed.
My hands found his hips, holding him to me. I could feel him, not just inside of me. I could feel him in every cell of my body.
In the pitch black, when our panting subsided and the air stilled, Edward placed his hand over my dead heart. "We will get through this," he promised. Though we had no clue what loomed over his head, I trusted him. Edward would fight heaven and hell to return to my side, no matter the cost.
Who I didn't trust was the vampire Edward could return home to.