Irwin was very confused as to who had just broken into his hospital room. At least about the robot girl. He definitely remembered Dib, though.
"Dib? Are you...Gaz's brother?" he got out.
"That's right. And I need to talk to you." Dib answered as Jenny joined them.
"I just finished welding the locks on the door. That should keep everyone out for the time being." she said as she withdrew her welding torch back into her finger before glaring at Irwin.
"W-What do you want, yo?!" Irwin asked. Normally, he wouldn't be afraid of answering a few questions, but the angry glares they were giving him, coupled with the fact that he was in no condition to fight back, was making him very nervous.
"Like I said, I have some questions for you." Dib repeated.
"About what?" Irwin asked before wincing. "Don't expect long answers. It hurts to move my jaw."
"Then we'll be quick. I want to ask you about an alien named Zim." Dib began.
Suddenly, a dark aura became visible around Irwin's body, his eyes taking on a dangerous glint.
"That insufferable, woman-stealing parasite?!" he growled while Dib and Jenny tensed up at the change. "When I get out of here, I'm going to make that little green shit wish he was never born! I'll hound him to the ends of the Earth! I'll reach down his throat and tear his organs out! I'll-ahahaoooowwwww!" he suddenly yelped, his aura gone. "That hurt!"
"What the heck was that?" Jenny asked.
"Sorry. I'm part mummy and vampire. I got powers." Irwin answered.
"Wait. You are? You do?!" Dib asked in rising excitement.
"Focus, Dib! We're here to ask about your sister's date with Mandy!" Jenny reminded him.
"Right, right! Sorry!" Dib said as he tried to calm down. "I have questions about their date."
"What date? Mandy didn't go on a date with Gaz. She was on a date with that little bastard, Zim." Irwin said in anger.
"A date...ZIM WAS HERE?!" Dib yelled before Jenny slapped her hands over his mouth.
"Keep it down! The guards will hear you!" she whispered. When he finally stopped moving, she removed her hands and looked at Irwin. "So Zim was on a date with Mandy?"
"Yeah. And it was horrible!" Irwin answered, looking like he was about to break into tears. "All the things that he did! He rubbed sunscreen on her butt! He used her lap as a chair and her breasts as a pillow!"
"He did?!" Jenny asked with wide eyes before they narrowed. "It's bad enough that he's here to take over the Earth, but touching a woman like that is-"
"It should've been me who got to touch her and do all those things!" he cried. Jenny just stared before giving him a blank look.
"And there goes my sympathy for you." she muttered.
"So that thing Billy said about you trying to kill Gaz was indeed a lie, huh?" Dib asked.
"I didn't try to kill your sister. I tried to kill Zim for stealing Mandy away from me!" Irwin confessed.
"Really? I've been trying for years!" Dib exclaimed. "How'd you try?!"
"You hate him too?" Irwin asked before smiling. "Well, I poisoned his meal at the fanciest restaurant in town." he explained with pride before frowning. "It would've worked, but Mandy saw through it and stopped him from eating."
"Shoot! So close!" Dib grumbled.
"So how did you end up like this? Did Zim beat you up?" Jenny asked.
"Actually, Zim and Mandy beat me to a pulp." Irwin answered before sighing. "I was so close. So close to finally having Mandy in my arms! If that little alien hadn't of shown up that day, Mandy would've had no choice but to be my girlfriend!"
"What?!" Dib and Jenny yelped.
"What do you mean she wouldn't have had a choice?!" Jenny asked.
"Hold on a second! You know Zim's an alien?!" Dib asked.
"I had my suspicions, but they were proven when he and Mandy took turns hurting me. Humans don't have spider legged backpacks or clawed fingers that can pierce skin." Irwin answered before looking up in thought. "Well, not unless they're sideshows in a circus."
"And nobody thought that was out of the ordinary?!" Dib nearly yelled, earning a smack to the back of his head from Jenny.
"I said keep it down!" she reminded him.
"Everyone ran off in terror of Mandy so they wouldn't get caught by her wrath. Plus, this is Endsville. Weird shit happens all the time here, yo. An alien appearing? Not the strangest thing anyone here will see."
"Why would they run from Mandy?" Jenny asked. Both men just sloooowly turned their gazes to her.
"Be afraid...Be very afraid." they said in unison.
"Uh...okay?" Jenny answered in confusion before shaking her head. "Back to my other question. What do you mean Mandy wouldn't have had a choice but to be your girlfriend?"
"She signed a contract that she made that said if she didn't get a boyfriend within ten years of signing it, she'd legally become my girlfriend. She even had a lawyer present to authenticate it and everything." Irwin answered. "Grim even put a little magic in it so that it would force Mandy to obey the contract and be my girlfriend." His face scrunched up in anger and sorrow as he continued. "But two minutes before the deadline, she suddenly comes out and says that Zim is her boyfriend! I refuse to believe it!"
"That's weird." Jenny said.
"Yeah. Why would Zim agree to something like this?" Dib asked.
"Not that. I mean why didn't Mandy go to any other guy in the city if she wanted to get out of the contract?" Jenny asked.
"She did, but I stopped them from being with her. Mandy is my girlfriend, and I refuse to let anyone else get close to her!" Irwin snapped.
"What about Zim?" Dib asked. "Why did he agree to this?"
"Because Mandy's a goddess in human form. A vision of beauty that any man would want, even if they're not from earth." Irwin said in a wistful tone. "Oh, Mandy. How could you be so blind to go with that little freak and not me, your true love?"
The more she heard, the less Jenny liked being around Irwin. Still, she needed to know more about Zim to combat him later on.
"I don't know much about your love life, but Mandy may need help if she's with Zim. No way that little guy has anything good planned for her." said Dib.
"I know that!" Irwin growled before he started to tear up.
"Irwin? You okay?" Jenny asked.
"No. I'm not." he sniffled. "All that I've told you so far is nothing compared to the horrors I saw Zim inflict on Mandy."
"What did that rotten alien do to her?!" Dib demanded.
"He...He...I can't say it!" Irwin sobbed before looking at a disc that lay on the table nearby.
"What?" Dib asked before he saw the disc and picked it up. "What is this?"
"It's a recording of Zim taking everything from me." Irwin cried. "They keep playing it at random times to torment me for causing damages to the hospital the first time I broke out."
"I'll see if Tak's ship can play it." Dib said before Jenny took it from him.
"Allow me." she said before a compartment on her body opened, allowing her to insert the disc. A moment later, a TV screen popped out from her chest cavity, allowing the room's occupants to watch.
"Hello, Irwin."
And the first thing they saw was Mandy in sexy pink lingerie.
"Whoa." Jenny muttered as she and the other two blushed. None of them said anything as they continued to watch Mandy pose as she gave Irwin a heartfelt, and hate filled, rejection before Zim entered the picture. The moment Zim's dick appeared, Irwin started to writhe in his full body cast.
"Turn it off! Turn it off already!" he yelled, which Jenny quickly complied. After regaining his composure, Irwin looked back at them. "See what I mean?"
"I...I don't believe it." Dib said while shaking his head.
"You saw the video! What's not to believe, yo?!" Irwin cried.
"I mean it's not possible! Irkens have no genitalia! They can't have sex!" Dib explained.
"Then what the heck was that thing that Zim rammed into Mandy?!" Irwin yelled.
"I don't know, but I need to find out!" Dib declared.
"And I need to rip that dick of his off and shove it up his...what's wrong with your friend?" Irwin suddenly asked.
"Huh?" Dib replied before looking at Jenny. The robot girl was just standing there with wide, dilated eyes and a deep blush spreading across her face. "Jenny? JENNY!"
"WHA?!" she screamed before she saw them. "Oh...hi?" she said.
"Hey, you hear something?" a voice outside the door asked, making the three jump.
"Yeah. I did." another said before the door handle jiggled. "I can't get the door open!"
"Oh man! We gotta go!" Jenny yelped in a panic before she went to the window. "One second!" she said before she quickly cut the glass, pulled out the same section before and flew out. "Come on, Dib! We need to-" she began before she heard a crash. She looked back in to see the door had been busted down, then looked at the ground to see Dib pushing a bed-ridden Irwin at full speed away from the hospital. She gasped before she dropped the glass and flew towards them, flying alongside them as Dib ran as fast as he could. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"Zim's up to something big! We'll need all the help we can get!" Dib answered.
"Hey! Slow down!" Irwin yelped before his body bounced a few times. "And watch for the speed bumps, yo!"
"Have you lost it?! He's a fugitive that tried to kill someone!" Jenny angrily stated.
"He tried to kill Zim, a rotten alien that's bent on taking over the world! It's why I'm willing to look past what he's done for the moment!" Dib answered as they arrived in front of Tak's ship.
"Oh great. You're back. And who's this weirdo?" Tak's ship drawled.
"He's with us. Open up so we can get out of here!" Dib answered.
"You're kidding, right? I can't fit both of you here. I can barely fit you and that fat head of yours as is!" Tak's ship snapped.
"We'll make it work! Open up!" Dib ordered.
"I said no! Unless one of you can shrink in size, you won't fit!" Tak's ship said in refusal.
"Is that all? Hang on." Irwin said before scrunching his eyes closed. A moment later, he changed into smoke, leaving nothing but an empty body cask behind.
"Irwin! What happened?!" Jenny yelped.
"I'm in here, yo!" Irwin's voice came from the body cast. Dib blinked before reaching inside and digging around. He then pulled an injured bat Irwin out. "Told you. I'm part vampire." he said as he laid in dibs hands, his wings and body looking heavily damaged. "Small enough?"
"...I have so many questions." Dib whispered.
"I think they went this way!" a voice yelled.
"Uh oh! We're out of time! We gotta go!" Jenny told them. Dib nodded before he entered a now compliant Tak's ship before they all took to the skies.
"That was too close." Dib sighed in relief before putting Tak's ship on autopilot, then looked down at Irwin. "Okay, Irwin. I still have some more questions for you."
"About what? I told you all I know about Zim and how much I hate him." Irwin answered.
"I know that. I just have some questions about my sister, Gaz." Dib answered. "Why was she here, and did she come in contact with Zim?"
"I don't know why she was here, but she was leaving in the same oversized vehicle Zim and Mandy left in for their date." Irwin answered.
"WHAT?! WHY WOULD SHE LEAVE WITH HIM?!" Dib yelled.
"Remind me. Who was it that said that Gaz was Zim's top beta tester at his video game company?" Tak's ship asked.
"She is?" Jenny asked.
"She is. Why does that matter?" Dib asked.
"You said that Gaz and Mandy are friends. And if Zim's meeting Mandy, who's the CEO of a toy company, then maybe it's a business trip. They could be discussing toy ideas." Tak's ship suggested.
"Yeah right! The video I saw didn't sound like a business negotiation!" Irwin huffed before looking at the control panel. "By the way, is this ship talking?"
"You just noticed? And what video?" Tak's ship asked.
"It seems that Mandy and Zim left a video of Mandy telling Irwin she'll never be his before they...fucked." Jenny finished, her blush coming back.
"Are you serious?!" Tak's ship asked. "But Irkens don't have genitalia!"
"That's what I said! None of this is making sense!" Dib yelled. "I need to find out what is going on!"
"Yeah. Especially since it's now actually feasible for Zim to fuck your sister." Tak's ship stated, making Dib spaz before he passed, his head falling on top of Irwin.
"GET YOUR FAT HEAD OFF ME, YO!" Irwin yelled, making Dib groan as he got up.
"What happened? I blacked out." Dib slurred.
"You smacked your head onto me when this ship said something Zim fucking Gaz-"
"GRK!" Dib gurgled before smacking his head onto Irwin again.
"OH COME ON!" Irwin yelled while Tak's ship laughed.
"Maybe you should stop saying that?" Jenny suggested as Dib woke up again.
"What were we talking about?" Dib asked while he rubbed his head.
"Uh...something about finding out where Zim went!" Jenny blurted out.
"Right!...But I have no idea where he could be now." Dib sagged in defeat.
"I might have an idea." Tak's ship said. "I used your laptop while you were gone and searched for anything about Zim. I found this." she said before pulling up a video blog of a certain goth chick.
"Hey, everyone! This is Parker Needler in Assimilation." came Parker's image as she recorded herself. "Just letting you all know I'm moving to some unknown place with my friend, Wednesday Addams." She panned the camera over to Wednesday, who merely looked at the screen with disinterest.
"Hello." was all she said before Parker brought the camera back to her.
"Don't know how long it'll be until my next post, so don't expect anything for a while. Right now, though, the whole town here is wrapping up a send off party her parents threw for her." She then slowly panned over the crowd that was having fun before coming back to herself. "That's it for today everyone. I'll see you another day...bye."
"Who was that?" Jenny asked.
"I can't quite remember, but I do know Wednesday Addams." Dib answered. "She and her family are a group of really strange people that live in Assimilation, New Jersey. She's one of Gaz's friends."
"Why does this matter?" Jenny asked.
"Pause the video when she shows the crowd." Tak's ship answered. Dib did so and brought up the part of the video showing the crowd. "Look in the background, at the little figure flying in the distance."
Dib looked and saw what she was talking about. He zoomed in on the picture and narrowed his eyes before they shot open when he finally saw an image of Zim being flown around by a flying Gir.
"ZIM!" Dib yelled.
"And Mandy too!" Irwin yelped when he saw Mandy standing next to Mindy amongst the crowd of party people.
"So they were in this town recently?" Jenny asked.
"Yeah. This post is a few days old, so there's no telling if they're still there or not." Tak's ship answered.
"It's the best lead we've got. Let's go to Assimilation!" Dib ordered.
"Wait a second, yo! I need some stuff from my house if I'm gonna be traveling!" Irwin yelped.
"Fine. But only the essentials." Dib huffed. "Where do you live?"
Irwin's mummy mother, human father and Grandmama were quietly reading in the living room before Irwin slammed the door open and quickly limped inside, catching their attention.
"What the-?! Irwin?! What are you doing here?!" his father asked in shock.
"Can't talk! Gotta pack!" Irwin answered before going into his room. His mother began to grunt while looking at Irwin's door.
"I know you're happy to see him, but what he's done is inexcusable." Irwin's father said before looking at Irwin's door. "Son, you get out of that room and turn yourself in, or I'm calling the police!"
"Can't dad! Gotta save Mandy from herself!" Irwin answered as he limped out of his room, a suitcase in one hand and what looked like a second Mandy under his other arm. He was about to head out the door before his Grandmama stepped in the way.
"Now you wait right there, young man! Where do you think you're going?!" she asked.
"I'm going with my new friends to save Mandy from that little jerk, Zim." Irwin answered as he pointed at Jenny and Dib, who were standing in the doorway of his home.
"Uh...hello?" Jenny greeted with a nervous smile and wave. They all looked at them before Grandmama Tanya sighed and turned back to Irwin
"Irwin, when will you get it through your thick skull that that girl just ain't into you?" she asked.
"It's not my fault! That little green jerk, Zim, must've brainwashed her! She was two minutes away from officially being my girlfriend!" Irwin whined.
"If she really loved you, you wouldn't have any need for a magically infused contract." his grandmother told him. "Now you need to go back to the hospital to rest before your trial. And get rid of that Mandy pillow of yours! It's disgusting what you've done to it!"
"What he's done to it?" Jenny parroted before looking at it. Her eyes widened before her whole body shuddered in revulsion at the sight of the three holes it had in it. "That's not right."
"We are not taking that!" Dib snapped.
"I ain't leaving without it!" Irwin snapped back.
"Don't raise your voice in this house young man!" Grandmama snapped.
"Grandma, I need to get Mandy back, by force if I have to! And I'm also gonna kill that fucking bastard, Zim! Now move your wrinkly ass already!" he ordered before his lips were seized in a vicegrip.
Both Irwin's parents trembled before they leapt behind the couch.
"Oh no no no no! You did not just do that! I know you did not just talk to me like that!" Grandmama said as she yanked on his lips. "Foul language?! Making a woman yours by force?! Wanting to murder?! And talking back to me?!" she listed off before slapping him so hard he smashed into the wall before falling down to the ground. "Boy, I am gonna teach you a lesson in respecting a woman's rejections and respecting yo Grandmama!" she declared before she stomped over to his shivering form.
"NO! WAIT! I'M SORRY, GRANDMAMA!" Irwin pleaded.
"Oh you gonna be sorry!" she promised. Jenny and Dib just watched before Irwin began to scream. They took that as their cue to run outside and shut the door so as to not get caught up in Tanya's warpath.
"Okay, I vote we leave Irwin here and just find Zim ourselves." Jenny said as the sounds of furniture breaking and Irwin crying in pain was heard from inside the house.
"As much of a horrible creep that he is, we need his help in fighting against Zim." Dib countered.
"Seriously?! You still want his help?!" Jenny asked in utter disbelief.
"Only until Zim is dead and the Earth his saved. After that, you can throw Irwin straight to the cops." Dib finished. Jenny groaned before relenting.
"Fine. I'll tolerate his presence until then." she said before a lamp table was thrown out the window, allowing the whole neighborhood to hear Irwin's Grandmama whoop his ass. "Get him after his grandma's done with him?"
"Yeah." Dib nodded.
"OW! AH! NO! I'M SORRY! PLEASE, STOP! OUCH! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!"