"Here you are, two grilled lamprey skewers."
"Ah, thank you, dear."
Another shift at the stall comes to a close as the last customer is served. Good timing, I was about to wear myself thin, I should treat myself when I get back.
"By the by, that boy doesn't come here anymore don't he?"
"Ah-um, well…" I stop in my tracks at the mention of him.
"You two had a falling out?"
"Y-Yes, something like that."
"A real shame, he sure was a sight for sore eyes, fufu~"
"R-Right…"
"Mystia! Can you come here a second?" A voice calls over from the stall, one I'm grateful for.
"Coming!" I answer and rush back behind the stall with Kyouko. "So, what's-"
"Are you okay?" She interrupts me, a hint of concern in her eyes.
"Fine? Of course I'm fine."
"You're putting on a brave face again."
I pause momentarily, and feel a sudden warmth in my chest. "Really, I'm fine. Thank you for caring." I lean forward and wrap my arms around Kyouko.
"...You say you're fine, yet you're shaking." I feel her hug me back.
"I'm fine, because I have you, Kyouko. I just…need a little more time."
"So you say. Alright, I believe you." I feel a comforting pat on my back before we separate. "Now, these dishes won't do themselves, give me a hand, will you?"
"Heh, you got it."
For a moment, my heart felt a bit lighter.
…
I walked with Kyouko back to Myouren Temple. As we trekked down a familiar trail however, the conversation from earlier weighed on my mind. It was the same trail I used to walk with Okane after all.
"...Seems things have gone back to normal here" I muse, causing Kyouko to look over at me strangely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks me.
"Not as many humans going about around here."
"Ah, right." Kyouko replies dismissively, but sounds as if she had more to say. I wait for her to continue as we walked, but no more came from her.
"Did…did I-"
"You didn't, Mystia. You're...you're not to blame here."
"But I-"
"There were whispers of what you did here and there, yes, but…I think it wasn't going to last long to begin with."
"That shrine maiden…Reimu, she came after all of you for it at Myouren Temple didn't she? After news of what I did spread."
"She did, but it didn't stop everyone from trying again. There's still some people sneaking out of the village, in fact. This would have happened whether you…bit him or not. And if not you, then…someone else might have done the same thing."
"I see…"
I really have no control over anything do I?
"Mystia, I know what you're thinking about, but please just let it all go. You didn't choose to be like this. And even if you can't accept yourself and change…I will always be your friend."
Tears threatened to flow from my eyes, but I held them back. "Thank you, Kyouko." I tell her through a pained smile. She smiles too and nods back at me.
"Mhm. I'm always here for you."
For a moment, it was easier to breathe.
The sun shined through the blinds into my home. I would have found its warm rays soothing were it not for the pounding headache I had. I sit up in bed and held a hand to my head, I suppose I went a bit overboard with the sake last night. I drag myself out of bed and over to my kitchen to get something to eat, and I was greeted with a terrible sight.
My kitchen was an utter mess.
I felt the last bit of energy I had in me leave in a deep sigh. I'd have to clean this up myself. Just me.
Only me.
My home felt emptier without him.
Enough, I'll just go on a short flight around the trail, the weather seems nice today. But when I turned to head back to my room to get dressed, I heard a loud knocking from my door. That's strange, I don't recall Kyouko telling me she'd be over for rehearsal today.
"I'll be there in a minute!" I shout to whomever may be at my door, and rush over to my room. Not long after I said that, the knocking came back again in an even more aggressive manner. This further agitates me to no end, what's their problem? I hastily make myself presentable, before running back to my front door. The knocking had ceased, but my irritation hadn't. I swing the door open and shout "WHAT'S YOUR-"
My blood ran cold and I stopped myself from saying anything more. I did not recognize who this woman at my door was, but what I did recognize was how she was dressed. She was a youkai exterminator.
"Oh-! Um-" I stumble over my own words, unable to even say anything coherent.
"Mystia Lorelei, I take it?" She greets me in an aloof manner.
"Yes, that's me. W-Why do you ask?"
"I wish to speak with you for a moment, may I come in?"
I hesitate. For what purpose did she seek me out? I've never seen her in my life, she's one of the countless exterminators from the village for all I know. Is this whole 'talk' a ruse to get rid of me?
"Well?" Her patience was running thin.
"O-Of course, come inside." I don't exactly have much of a choice here.
I step aside and she walks past me inside. I lead her further inside, she seemed to scrutinize every detail in my home while I did, it didn't help that it was messier than usual. It's like she's trying to find every reason to condemn me. We reach my kitchen, and she takes a quick scan of the room.
"Sorry for the mess, I um…had a rough night." I awkwardly tell her, she doesn't bat an eye and follows in after me. She sits herself down at the table and I take the seat across from her.
"I'll get straight to the point, do you know Yasushi Okane?" She immediately questions.
"Yes…I know him." No use in lying at this point.
I could tell she was trying to maintain a calm facade, but I sensed a shift in her expression, enough to confirm she resented me. "Elaborate" she asks sternly.
"I met him by chance a few years back. I was out on the trail at night and he ran into me."
"Then?"
"I…took him to my home."
She leans forward with crossed arms and narrowed eyes, seems she's given up on masking her emotions. "There's more to this isn't there?"
"...I planned to simply eat him, he was a clueless outsider with no connection to the human village, he was essentially free prey. But something stopped me."
"That being?"
"He reminded me of someone I once knew."
"Something so trivial?"
I grit my teeth. It was so much more than just a trivial matter, but if I let myself lash out at her about it I'll probably end up telling what happened to Hiroshi. She would have grounds to exterminate me on that alone. "Yes, an idle affair." I calmly state.
"So you claim." She leans back in her seat, still maintaining her glare. It was clear she didn't believe me.
"Regardless, I took him to my home and kept him there with me for a while."
"So you abducted him out of the blue?"
"That's…one way to put it." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
"Not even trying to deny it?" Her words dug into me as her glare grew stronger.
"It's not as if I mistreated him, and I planned to let him go eventually from the start."
"You still stripped him of his freedom, and had full control over him. Even if you treated him well, there's still a clear power imbalance between you two. There's no way that relationship was healthy."
"I know that!" I snapped back at her, leaning forward onto the table. I soon realized she was likely trying to provoke me, and settled myself. "Are…you expecting some sort of apology from me?"
"...In a sense." A wave of guilt came across her eyes, one that I couldn't make sense of.
"Even if I apologized, what then? I don't expect you to understand even half of it. Why do you care so much about this to begin with?"
Fury, then grief welled up in her expression. "Because you hurt him. You hurt my husband."
"Your…husband?" A memory briefly flashes in my mind, the ring on his finger, and the words he said to me that day.
I've already moved on.
A hysteric chuckle erupts from my lungs as I connect the dots. "I see…so you're the one he ended up with." A torrent of emotions flow through me, I've no idea how to take in all this. "What a sick joke. He married a youkai exterminator of all people…did he hate me that much?"
Just as I was about to lose myself in these emotions, her voice cuts through all the noise.
"He doesn't hate you." She states firmly.
"Are you trying to comfort me?" I retort back at her. She shakes her head.
"I'm simply stating the truth." From within her robes she takes out an envelope and slides it on the table over to me. I take it into my hands, and glance back at her. "This should convince you."
I cautiously open the envelope and begin to read its contents. I could feel my eyes dampen as I did.
Dear Mystia,
It's too late to say anything to you at this point, and the chances you even read this are next to none, but in the off chance that you do, I want you to know this.
I forgive you.
I couldn't bring myself to say it to you that day, and nothing I say now can remedy that. I was afraid, of you, and how I felt. I couldn't look past what you were, what your nature was. But despite everything, one thing became certain, and I kept coming to the same conclusion.
I loved you.
Even now, after cutting you off like that all too long ago, I still feel it deep down. I should have told you back then, we might have even been able to live out our days happily together. But that's no longer possible. So I have one last selfish request to ask of you, if you would ever listen to me in this life.
Live on.
Put all of this behind you, and forgive yourself. I wouldn't be able to rest well knowing that this would eat away at you till the end. And when I'm long gone, and you think of me, I want you to look back on those memories we shared, and smile.
That's all, and…
Goodbye.
The tears wouldn't stop. They fell onto the letter in my hands and washed away the ink. I place the letter down on the table in front of me and stare at it. The piercing glare of the woman across from me could no longer be felt.
"...Truth be told, I do understand at least a fraction of how you feel." She says, her tone remorseful. I glance up at her in bewilderment, and she continues. "I too, had exploited him when he was most vulnerable."
"You…what?"
"That day, when he was found half-dead and taken to Eientei, I had visited him. He looked as if he had given up on living. The doctor deemed him unable to take care of himself properly in that state, so I had offered to take him in, to which he had no say in the matter. I looked after him, and acted as his sole emotional support as recovered. But when he began to be like his old self again…" She paused and shifted in her seat, guilt filling her expression. "...I grew possessive over him."
"How so?"
"I forbade him from leaving my home, telling him it was for his sake, and he trusted me. He trusted me…and I lied straight to his face."
"...Why?"
"Because I loved him, I wanted him to myself. So I forced him to become dependent on me, hoping he would return my affection for him one day. But when he did, I knew deep down that it wasn't completely genuine. I knew deep down, he still loved you, even to this day…I could tell he didn't feel satisfied with our marriage." She looked at me with a bitter smile. "I forced him to love me, and in doing so…I hurt him like you have."
I didn't know how to feel. I felt angry that she had done such a thing to Okane, but I wasn't much better in that regard, considering I made an attempt on his life. Yet I also understood her sentiment, and couldn't help but sympathize with her.
"Say, you never gave me your name." I asked her.
"Atsuko." She answered.
"Atsuko, promise me something, will you?"
"Within reason."
"...Keep taking care of Okane for me. Bring him the happiness I couldn't."
"Hah, I already intend on doing that."
"So we finally agree on something then."
"That's all?"
"Yes, now please leave."
It looked as if she had more to say, but she held her tongue. "Fine then, I have nothing else to say to you either." She gets up out of her seat, and begins to leave, before turning back to me one last time. "Just know this, if anything like this happens again, I'll find you and exterminate you myself." She then exits back through the front door.
Once more, I'm left alone. But this time, I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my mind.
I felt comfortable being myself again, if only briefly.
And so, to nobody, I spoke the words to finally close off this chapter of my life.
"Goodbye, Okane."