Chapter 2: Rhino punch
Araragi groaned, and threw his hands up to his face, digging them into his eyes, and pulling down his eyelids. "Aaaaagh, not only did she know where we are, she had a working phone and could tell us how to get home!"
"You should have got to the point of getting directions instead of idly flirting with her fantasies of being stolen away by you" Shinobu said still standing opposed to him, staring down the other direction of the street.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean-" she said, turning to face him and stamping her foot down, "-It was obvious that we were lost, and that we had just come out for food. You shouldn't have supported her wild fantasy that we were here with the purpose of kidnapping her and just demanded directions from the start."
"Supported her fantasy? I was making sure she didn't get the wrong idea so she didn't slash my tongue out, or call the police and put us in jail!"
"She wasn't going to do either of those things!"
/ Like hell she wouldn't! /
"And it's not like either of those things would affect two vampiric beings. You're being a silly child!"
/ Once again, look who the horse is calling a horse! /
"You don't even deserve that ramen" she said. Stepping closer the little vampire snatched the bag away from Araragi's unsuspecting hand. Face switching from that of a defensive angry scowl to that of one of hurt dismay he mishappenly cried out. "Oi, my ramen!"
/ NOW SHE'S CROSSED THE LINE! /
Araragi leapt on the little vampire and grappled with outstretched arms to try to retrieve the pilfered ramen. "Gimmie back my special spicy tonkatsu ramen you thieving dwarf!"
The dwarf put up a valiant fight, keeping the bag behind her with one arm, and keeping Araragi at bay with her other and her small body.
"You…. don't…. deserve it!" She said through gritted teeth
/ meanwhile the sound of someone dashing at high speeds could be heard from the street /
Araragi succeeded in clamping one of his hands down on the wrist of the other hand that held his ramen. Pressing his body against Shinobu's he forced the little vampire to pull in the clamped hand to ensure that he did not topple her over. When she did this Araragi seized his chance and swiftly grabbed hold of the bag with his other arm which had come within range.
/ *clunk* *clunk* *clunk* *clunk* *clunk* /
Araragi yanked back on the ramen, but Shinobu held tight on the handle. For a good moment they sat pulling tug of war on the singular box of noodles. Finally, the small plastic bag, who had been giving the biggest fight of all of them, finally tore under the weight of their combined forces.
/ *clunk* *clunk* *clunk* /
/ *snap!* /
Araragi yelled out as he fell back and watched in wide eyed horror as his delicate package of ramen was lifted high into the air.
/ And then it got worse! /
Midair, to his horror he looked to his right and found further devastation.
Immediately, only a foot and a half in front of his face, moving way too fast for him to possibly avoid, was the sweat drenched athletic mesh tank top of Suruga Kanbaru. Apparently she didn't notice Araragi and his horrified look because she kept her eye level staring straight ahead of her, at a height well above Araragi's current position.
/ She didn't even notice him right in front of her /
/ Assuredly a sign of her steely determination to reach her destination /
Araragi only had just enough time to close his eyes and turn his head before kanbaru's right knee connected with the right side of his face, smashing him with the force of a mutant elephant boxer.
Araragi spun once in the air, maybe twice, before making contact with the ground landing in a broken heap. Meanwhile Kanbaru, stumbled on her feet for a distance, but never fell over.
/ She apparently had the endurance of an elephant as well as the force /
She grabbed the wall for support, and looked down at the broken heap that was Araragi, crying aloud, "Ahhhh Araragi-San. What are are you doing interrupting my late evening jog? Are you mad at me? Did I do something to make you angry? Sore nan deska?
The pain was too intense for Araragi to speak for a couple of moments. He just rolled around in complete agony clutching at his face.
Finally, the pain came to less of a degree of pain to where he could talk.
"Surruuugaaa" came Araragi's voice out of the pile of pain stricken flesh and bones. "Have you no thought of things that might suddenly by in front of you?" He said, pushing her question to the wayside.
Suruga shifted her weight to center and considering the question seriously, put a hand to her small chin.
"I suppose I don't." She raised an eyebrow and her gaze wandered wondering up to the sky above. "But that doesn't even sound completely logical. I couldn't expect something out of every corner that I've passed." Her gaze returned to araragi currently struggling with trembling limbs to lift his upper half off of the pavement. "How could I? I was running too fast. Besides, why would I do that in any case?"
"Because OTHERWISE there are victims like ME that get their FACE smashed in by the knee of trampling RHINOCEROSES!" He said lifting his head trembling under weak pinion elbows.
Suruga flashed a face of utter horror as if the remark came as a cold slap.
"Are you calling me a rhinoceros? My skin isn't so thick that I could possibly be such a creature"
"Well that's what you felt like when your rock hard knee-bone connected to my jaw!" He said before he collapsed to the ground,
/ He spent to much energy venting his victimized rage /
and after a few moments of rolling around, regained enough strength and vitality to stand himself back up.
"What are you dashing at the speed of a small motor vehicle down the sidewalk of some random street for anyway?" He said rubbing the greatly sore side of his face that was red as a apple. "Nanda? Why were you going so fast?" He questioned through heaving breathing.
"Ohhhh hahaha, No reason in particular, I was just on my evening jog" She said laughing over-enthusiastically and throwing her hand behind her head.
Araragi gave her a face like he just risen out of a freshly dug grave as the risen dead.
/ which he kind've felt like right now /
"And you just so happen take your evening runs running at a full 30 mph sprint?"
She got wide eyed and laughed another nervous laugh, "Yes, of course, hahahaha, why wouldn't I run at full speed if I wanted to get any better? Hahaha. Honestly, just the fact that you would have that doubting tone in your voice is crazy Araragi really!"
/ She really was chasing Senjou /
"Is that so?" Araragi said, with his unconvinced zombie face.
"I have to get in shape, for the baskets ball tournament that is coming up"
It was at this point that Araragi just so happened to roll his eyes and look down with his gaze just to chance upon his ramen, laying broken open on the pavement, the contents of which were spilled and strewn about. That's when the few moments before the massive strike to the noggin came back to him.
/ a ghastly scream tears through the evening air /
"MY RAMEN!"
He ran over to the small postcard bucket of noodles and cradled it in his trembling arms eyes wet with emotion. "Nandeeeee!" He shouted at the sky.
/ He had gotten into an argument with a midget about enforcing his will /
/ the conflict that arose, ended with him the victor still /
/ But then also lead to him being assaulted with a knee bone with the force of some great african beast /
/ and the overall victim of it all was his noodles /
/ and he was now distraught with grief /
~ A Sonnet of noodle tragedy ~
"I was wondering when you were going to notice it laying there. It's been on the ground for a whole 5 minutes. I was hoping you might step on it." Shinobu said from the street corner, with a healthy grin on her face and a bright shade of satisfaction in her eyes.
Araragi shot an angry tear filled glare at her but said nothing.
/ She was an evil little vampire, he was sure of it /
/ And then there was an eruption of joy and the scuttling of feet /
"Oshino-San!" Kanbaru shouted and gave a scream of glee rushing over to the small girl, "i didn't see you standing there in the corner. You are with Araragi? Why didn't you say something before!"
"I -" she started to say, but Kanbaru continued on excitedly, "You look so cute in that sun hat and that white summer dress, and those sandals are so kawaii with your tiny little feet you look absolutely adorable! I could just eat you up!"
/ "The shoe is on the other foot now, vampire - said the inner thoughts of a distraught boy secretly listening despite his overwhelming grief, and silently hoping she would eat the little straw-haired demon /
"Yes, thank you, I -" shinobu started once again, but once again Kanbaru continued on.
"What are you doing with kouyomi-kun. You guys sure do spend a lot of time together. But oh, I never really get the chance to talk to you! HOW is that?! It must be Koyoumi's fault"
/ Kouyomis hair twitched a move to the right along with his left eyebrow /
"Is kouyomi really a slave trader and he has captured you with the intents of making you work for him so he can afford stay at home, eat ramen, and read magazines of women in perverse poses all day?"
/ his hair twitched back to the left, and his eyebrow twitched alittle more /
"Actually that- "
Suruga overrode her once more, "is that why you guys are out here? For him to get more ramen, and force you to look for menial jobs for money that he will inevitably take anyways?!"
/ the Bamboo that broke the pandas back! /
Araragi exploded into angry airs, mouth flying open so wide to yell, that the two girls wondered if it might fly off, "WHAT KINDVE INSINUATIONS ARE YOU MAKING ABOUT ME OVER THERE YOU CRAZY GIRL! That girl is NOT my slave! And we were NOT out looking for jobs for her! I was getting RAMEN! But it was NOT so I could go back home and look at girl magazines!"
Kanbaru stood in stunned silence with her mouth agape, apparently being too surprised at the retort to say anything else.
"Partially true," Shinobu said, giving Araragi the type of look that says, *I know what you do when nobodies watching*.
Kanbaru broke the tension with a more hearty and full laugh than she had given before, sweeping her hand back to the back of her head and leaning back in a stretch. "Hahahaha I'm sorry Araragi Senpai, I didn't mean to upset you" She said waving a hand making light,
"I know you're not a terrible person, you would never do something like that! I'm sure you got the ramen for perfectly good reasons, probably hunger, mostly."
She took a look at the street sign, and then looked back at Araragi who had sullenly returned to the sidewalk.
"But why are you in this area of town? From what I understand you and the fire sisters live nowhere near here?"
Araragi, turned his head to the left as of to deflect the stinging blow of the question to his pride. "We're lost." He thickly mumbled "We've been wandering in circles for the past half hour, and my phone isn't working so I can't call a taxi, or even use the gps to find my way."
"Oh I see I see" kanbaru said. Taking a quick glance at the street sign she smiled widely "I know where we are! And I could tell you how to get back to your place too. Or at least get you close enough to where you could get your own self back"
"Really? That would be great! There's still a small chance I could get back in time to catch my show!" He said excitedly, "Where do I go?"
Kanbaru shielded her eyes from the glare of the setting sun with a hand, and with her visor scanned the town around them like a lighthouse looking over a pier. After swiveling back and forth on her hips a few times she pointed with lightning fast speed at something in the distance, "You see that Mai Merody billboard over there on the distance, the one right by the bus stop"
"The one where she's waving with a basket of yellow flowers her hand?"
"That's the one"
"Hi, hi, I do. I see it"
"If you look 1/4 of an inch left, and two inches up you will see another bus stop."
"Hi, I see it"
"go down that street, and take a right when you get to a gas station," she gestured with her hand folding it to making a right angle, "and then go all the way up that till you get to a grocery store take a left" she gestured again switching her hand to the left, "three streets down you should find Redwood lane".
Araragi's eyes got big and his face brightened considerably, "Ooouuu, I know redwood lane! Oshino-San lives off of that road."
"Oh, is that so?" Kanbaru said putting her hand to her mouth. "Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding your way from there on" She said with a wide grin.
Araragi was overwhelmed with emotion.
/ most of it being relief, but a good other part of it being excitement at the thought of being able to catch his show, study for his test, and the slight possibility of finding his special spicy tonkatsu ramen at the grocery store /
He seized kanbaru's one hand with both hands and shook it enthusiastically. "arigato gozaimasu kanbaru-San, I honestly can't thank you enough!"
"Hahaha It's no problem Araragi-Senpai," she said laughing, throwing her other hand again to the back of her head, "it's the least I could do for you".
"Well you've really done me a favor, I owe you one for sure. Senjougahara came by just a second ago.."
/ Her eyes became wide /
"..and she was no help at all, I thought I was going to be stranded out here with this demon of mine forever!"
/ Breathing became heavy /
"Nani? Senjougahara came by here?" Kanbaru exclaimed, eyes wildly darting back and forth across Araragi's face as if searching for an answer that might suddenly appear in text on his face.
"Ohhh Yeh, just a second ago, she-"
"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?! I needed to talk to her. Which way did she go?!" She demanded.
Araragi's hand flashed out, pointing in the other direction of the direction that Suruga had just pointed. "Kanojo wa sono hōkō ni itta"('She went in that direction').
No sooner than Araragi had pronounced the "n" in sono, Kanbaru had pivoted, quite rapidly, squatted down into a racing squat; and without another word he said or heard, launched off at the speed of a rocket.
"Ooooi, look at her go." Araragi said nonchalantly, shielding his eyes from the glaring evening sun and watching her disappear beyond sight. He was still not so unimpressed with her speed despite his tone. "Kanbaru must really love that girl a whole lot to put so much energy into just talking to her"
"That girl has too much energy," Shinobu said, with judgmental half moon lowered eyes, "makes me think maybe I should visit her some night in her sleep and drain her of some of it".
"If I ever find out you did that, I will never buy you a donut for as long as you live"
/ Meaning no donuts ever again /
She gave a disapproving chide "*tsch*" She said, "as if you would ever find out".
Araragi started on down the road, ignoring the comment, "Cmon, we need to make it back to the house by sundown if I'm going to be to catch my show." And without another word they made their way towards the mai melody billboard: And the bus stop 1/4 of an inch left, and two inches up from that.
*"Thanks Suruga"* Araragi thought to himself. *Thanks a lot.*