A/N: I am alive despite the overwhelming evidence otherwise.

It was a lot of walking. Any delusions of excitement that Sakura had had were quickly fading as they ambled from one town to the next in search of Tsunade.

Sasuke was furious at the slow pace. He'd resorted to working through the seals as they moved through the trees. Occasionally his hand would cramp and he'd be left wringing his hands out with a terrifying scowl etched into the features Sakura had once found handsome.

Naruto was glaring at the leaf in his palm, trying to figure out how to cycle his chakra into it so that it would stick to his hand. He had dropped it 36 times already as he unsuccessfully tried to complete the task he'd been given.

Sakura, upon seeing the two, hadn't been sure of what she was meant to do. She didn't have any edgy ninja training practices. So she started reviewing the last text books she remembered reading. In her mind's eye, they appeared to hover. One was green, the other pink, and another brown. The green book had been math related, discussing speed and angles as related to different ninja tools. The pink book talked at length about animals and hunting and how to properly skin a rabbit. She remembered her mother joking that the pink was to make the appearance of such gruesome tasks more bearable. Brown had been an older book, about the origin of chakra and the nature of it. That would have to do for now as it reminded her the least of unpleasant losses.

She imagined the page as they trudged along and she remembered that chakra could be used not just to stick to trees or to other surfaces, but to warm the body up or even to cool it down if necessary.

There was a mention of suppressing chakra on one of the pages. She realized she'd never even thought about trying to do that. She wondered about how to do that.

"How much further, Ero-Sennin?" Naruto whined. Sakura glanced at him and saw that face was red from frustration. The leaf was now stuck to his hand, and he was flinging his hand back and forth trying to separate it. It was almost funny.

"Ah… long enough that we might as well eat some lunch."

The group stepped off the main road, traveling on a little bit. When they came upon a log to sit on, Naruto immediately plopped down on it. Sasuke remained standing, his motions jerky as he reached into his pack to find his ration bar.

"Mind yourselves, I'll be back in a moment. I'm off to wash my feet," Jiraiya said with a sneaky grin. "No peeking!"

Sakura wrinkled her nose in distaste. "What does that even mean? Why would I watch him wash his feet?"

Naruto giggled and held up a hand to his mouth like he was sharing a secret, though his volume was its usual shout-to-talk decibel. "He's peeing, Sakura-Chan!"

"Urk, gross." Sakura groused, dropping down on the log next to Naruto. She folded her arms across herself, pulling her knees up into her chest. She wondered if she could pull all her chakra into herself the way she pulled her limbs in.

It felt like pulling a blanket off of a bed, the weight of the blanket increasing as it came off of the bed and into her hand. Her chakra wanted to move and return to her limbs but she trapped it under her will, clamping down on it. She scraped it towards her center, like a child digging in sand.

As her chakra clumped together, it felt easier to contain it. She kept pushing and grinding the energy together, clenching it down until she simply couldn't get it any smaller. It felt strange, as though something had clicked and was holding her chakra in place. She smiled slightly, wondering how close she was to actually hiding her chakra.

There was a crashing sound, and Sakura let go of her chakra as her concentration slipped. Jiraiya was standing there amongst the bushes, breathing heavily like a madman. He was holding back the shrubbery and his eyes were a bit wild in contrast the rest of his manufactured pretense of calm.

"Is— is something wrong," Sakura asked, rising quickly to her feet.

"You—" Jiraiya tilted his head to the side as he considered her. Sakura squirmed uncomfortable under his gaze, misinterpreting the intensity as anger. He used his right hand to adjust his red vest. "Do it again."

Sasuke and Naruto both stared at her in confusion. Sakura glanced at them with wide eyes, then down at her hands. She stood, locking her fingers together as she concentrated.

It was a little bit easier this time, now that she knew there was an end in sight to the crushing down of her chakra. When she crushed it into nothingness again, burying it down until it felt properly tucked away, Jiraiya let out a soft grunt.

He walked toward her slowly, his agape mouth slowly curving up into a smile. "How… Do you know what you're doing?"

She shook her head no, inwardly relieved with the softer expression that he presented. It felt like holding her breath, to hold the chakra in this way. She wondered how long she could keep it that way.

"Your chakra is completely suppressed right now." Jiraiya touched his fingers to her forehead, like he was checking to make sure she was there. "You've done this before?"

Sakura shook her head 'no,' again. "N-never." She felt her hold on the chakra wobbling.

"It's a stealth technique, used mostly by assassins and intelligence agents. It requires incredible chakra control."

Her shoulders sagged with the weight of knowledge and the technique fell apart. She'd never killed anyone before. "Does this mean I have to learn how to be an assassin now?"

"No. But I'll keep that in mind. Here— Naruto, start this water boiling. We need to make lunch," instructed Jiraiya. "You— take this. Chanel some chakra into it."

Sakura pushed chakra into the paper, frowning when it immediately crumbled into dust. "Sensei, I think I broke it…"

Jiraiya laughed boisterously, throwing his head back in amusement. Grief rung out like a stricken gong in her chest as she imagined her own father's rowdy laugh.

"No, girl, it means you have earth natured chakra."

"Oi, I want to know what my type is!" Naruto squawked, blowing furiously on the fire so he could join their conversation.

"You're wind, why do you think I had you working on that silly leaf exercise?" Jiraiya ruffled Naruto's hair and then sucked in some air, breathing down in a great huff. The chakra-infused air supercharged the flames and the fire burst forth immediately.

Sasuke was still pouting as he chewed his ration bar. "I'm fire. I have to be— I'm an Uchiha."

"Not necessarily." Jiraiya fished out another paper. "Try it."

Sasuke funneled chakra into the paper, surprised when it crinkled up. "Well. What does that mean?"

"Lightning!"

"Hn." A quiet fury spread across his features and he twisted away from the group to fiddle with his backpack.

"Ero-Sennin, please! I just wanna see what happens."

Jiraiya sighed dramatically and handed a paper over to Naruto. He forced a bunch of chakra into the paper. It split into two rather dramatically and the pieces flew out of his hands.

Naruto froze in embarrassment for a moment before snatching the two halves up.

"This should be fun… you each have different types. Which means your fighting styles will be very different. You'll be best suited to stop comparing yourselves to each other immediately and determine how to best compliment one another."

The water was almost ready to boil. Jiraiya pulled out a scroll, then shoved his hand into it somehow. Sakura crept closer, confused by the way his hand disappeared into the scroll. How did that work?

His hand returned with a small pack that zipped up on the side. He sprinkled some things into the water— she realized they were seasonings. Then the water changed colours and he added some noodles and dried vegetables.

"Alright kids. I want you to start thinking about the different ways that your affinities will work together in combat scenarios. Sakura— use your new skill to go get us a rabbit. Naruto, you can use your Kage Bunshin to track down some fresh vegetables for us. Sasuke— when they return you're going to cut it all up and cook it."

"Hn." Sasuke stared at his hands. "How do I do what she did?"

"Prepare to practice for a year or two, first. Then get familiar with moving your chakra around. Don't be surprised if you aren't good at it. Now go set up your cooking station."

"If I had known it was going to take this long, I might have packed a bit more clothing," Sakura complained. She was currently picking leaves out of her hair.

They'd been out in the wilderness, wandering from town to town for a week now. It hadn't been that long, but Sakura distinctly missed the goofy presence of her sensei. Jiraiya wasn't bad but he was no Kakashi.

"Sakura-chan, we haven't even been gone two weeks yet! Just you wait. It's going to be so much fun— we're going to be so smelly and sweaty and strong!" Naruto cheered at merely the idea of living out his childhood dream of being a traveling ninja. He was so enraptured that he raised his fists over his head with a whoop of joy, crushing the water balloon that he was clutching. Water rained down over him and he immediately froze.

Sasuke glared at the boy, the same quiet fury that had been present for days bubbling over. He chucked a small branch at Naruto, satisfaction blooming inside of him when it connected with Naruto's head.

"Ouch, you bastard! What's the big idea? You're supposed to be my friend, not throw shit at me!"

"We're not friends, idiot. Just teammates."

"You guys fight more like a married couple, if you ask me," quipped Sakura, cycling her chakra through her body as Jiraiya had instructed her.

Both boys looked at her with fury in their eyes. Laughter tumbled from her lips, catching her by surprise. When had she last laughed?

"You're gonna pay for that one, Sakura-chan!" Naruto roared. He threw the remnants of the water balloon on the ground and lurched after her.

Sakura shrieked with joy and took to the trees again. She'd been cycling her chakra through her body while going up and down the trees to build up her reserves. She flitted between the trees, using the strength of her legs to catapult herself from one tree to another so she wasn't having to run as much.

Naruto, in his anger, was doing well to keep up with her. Sasuke was hot on her trail as well, irritation rippling off of him like steam. Jiraiya stood in the clearing below, happy to see them acting like normal kids for once.

Eventually they caught up to her, but by then they had forgotten about their anger and endorphins were coursing through their veins. They slumped down on a branch together, far above the clearing below.

Naruto was next to her, his lean body pressed up against in her way that felt distinctly unromantic. Weeks ago she'd have punched him for trying to be close to her but now it just felt natural. Not sweet, not romantic, just normal. Sasuke was on the other side of them, leaning against Naruto with one knee pulled in close to prop his arm on. It felt nice to just sit together like this, watching the wind catch in the trees. She didn't even mind that they were all a little sweaty.

"I haven't laughed like that in a long time," she murmured. Naruto peeped at her from under his long fringe, hiding his small smile. It was unlike the big, brash ones he always had in public. It felt shy— like if she noticed he was worried to be punished. She supposed she had always punished him whenever he tried to take up space in her life. The weight of regret that she felt in that moment was too heavy to put into words and so she said nothing.

Sasuke sighed in a quick huff and she and Naruto both looked at him with confusion. "I didn't laugh for months."

Sakura's face scrunched together as she deliberated his words. She wasn't sure what he meant at that moment, why he'd chosen to say that particular thing. Had she not grieved enough? Should she resolve to grieve more?

She looked inwards at the part of her that truly cared what Sasuke had to say and considered slaughtering it. For now, she resolved to shove it down, deeper inside of herself like a seed into soil.

"It's better than crying," Naruto said with a surprising amount of resolve. It was too easy to forget that he understood pain because he was always smiling.

Sakura smiled then, wry humorless. Crying was something she longed to never do again. She said as much, no emotion to color her voice.

"You know, we're all orphans now. Isn't that kind of pathetic?" Her laugh was hollow this time.

"Eh, Sakura-chan, we were having a beautiful moment; don't be all sad now," whined Naruto. He tugged on his lower lip, pulling it down until he looked like a fish on a hook. "Besides, I'm not pathetic, I'm gonna be Hokage."

"Yeah, well I'll have to be one of your advisors since you're an absolute moron," intoned Sasuke, flinging a little piece of bark at the squirrel that dared to snoop around the branch they were all perched on.

"Hmm," Sakura hummed to herself. "I don't know what I'll be. I'm not really good at much of anything."

Naruto chuckled wildly at that. "Nuh-uh! Didn't you hear what Pervy-sage said? You could totally be my bodyguard. You can be my top ANBU! Kill anyone who tries to get close to me or opposes my agenda of awesomeness."

Sakura laughed again— for real this time— at the idea of being a silent killer. "I think Sasuke is the strongest and most likely to be your silent killer. I'd make a better advisor. But we'll see. Let's all get strong and make sure nothing ever happens again to the village the way it just did."

Naruto whooped like an idiot and all the birds next to them scattered out of the trees in avian panic. "Promise! I'm never gonna run away and I'm never gonna go back on my word. That's my ninja and I'm standing by it."

Sasuke was quiet, his eyes thoughtful. "I haven't decided what kind of ninja I want to be. I haven't really thought past…"

He blinked and mashed his lips together, feeling overexposed and vulnerable.

"I haven't either. I thought I knew what I wanted and then I… Sasuke, I'd help you. I'm not much help now, but I would help you. What else am I here for? Your family was murdered, mine was just… they just died." Sakura felt shy— unlike all the other times when she'd given Sasuke opportunity to reject her, it had been purely romantic. This felt more important, more personal.

"We'd both help you, bastard. We'll all get stronger and—"

The sharp squall of a crow interrupted Naruto, and he stopped short. The eyes flashed red in the darkness of the canopy and the blonde shuddered in disgust. "Eww! Stupid scary bird."

He chucked a kunai at the bird, but it easily flitted around the blade and flew down and away from them. The trio sat there quietly. Sasuke and Sakura were both considering their futures and how they wanted to live them out. What it would mean to live and choose a way of life. Sakura had never thought about offering Sasuke any sort of help that didn't end up with her as his wife in the end. Sasuke had never considered that anyone would ever genuinely help him before— that anyone even could.

Naruto had known all along that he would give his life for either of them, if the moment ever came for it. He was just hoping that they would someday feel even a shred of that same love for him.

"I'm not going back, Jiraiya. You think just because you showed up with a bunch of kids I'm going to suddenly feel maternal and come back?" Tsunade sneered at him, slopping her sake into her mouth with a big gulp. "I'm leaving."

"Hime! They needed someone to watch them, I didn't bring them for you."

"What's that supposed to mean? They're ninja, you fool. Tools for the old man to do war with."

The kids exchanged looks and Jiraiya sighed. "Tsunade, you don't mean that. Stop saying things just to scare them. Come back. Besides… Sensei is…"

"He's what? Old and desperate? Yeah, that's reading loud and clear."

Sakura watched closely. Tsunade had said she was leaving but she was actively pouring herself another saucerful of the rice wine.

"He's dead, Tsunade."

Her face softened, but only for a moment before harshness smoothly replaced it. "About time, I suppose. He couldn't live forever."

The dark haired girl next to the Slug Sannin was stiff, her shoulders drawn up half-way. Tense.

"Tsunade… Someone has to replace him. You're the obvious choice between the two of us. You understand the political garbage and it's in your blood. It's only fair that one of us picks up the slack when it's… It was Orochimaru that killed him."

She glares at him. "Tsunade, Tsunade, Tsunade. It's like you think saying my name over and over again will somehow make me remember what it was like when we were on the same team. Don't manipulate me Jiraiya. You think I don't know what you're doing? You can't just show up with this team like this, talking about how we're a team when we're not. We haven't been on the same team for the better part of two decades. Everyone I care about is dead."

Sakura ducked her head, embarrassed for Jiraiya. Tsunade was vicious and she wondered if the two had ever had a romantic history. How could a team end up like this?

"If you three want to be ninja, you'd better be ready to see the ones you love die. I've lost everything for Konoha. Stupid will of fire. All the people I love and now they want my life, too. What's left of it, anyway."

Naruto was practically itching to yell at her, but he sat on his hands and dug his nails into his thighs to keep from speaking.

"That old man should have started finding a replacement for the hat a long time ago. It's not my fault that the fourth—"

"Enough!" Naruto looked shocked for a moment that he'd spoken, but then he doubled down. "Stop it! You're just old and bitter. What is left of your life anyway? All you do is gamble and run from town to town. What kind of life is that? Sakura-chan just lost everyone in her family from that stupid invasion and she's here trying to fetch you. You have no idea what we've been through! But what good are you to the village, you big fat phony? You may as well just lay down and die already!"

Tsunade grabbed him by the scruff of his jacket, lifting him out of his chair. Sakura was struck by her strength and Sasuke had to repress a smirk at how minuscule Naruto looked, flailing in her arms. She squirmed uncomfortably at having been made an example of to the legendary Sannin herself.

"I have died a thousand times, don't lecture me on suffering. I wrote that book. I ought to crush you, you little worm." Tsunade was shaking. "What do you know? What could you possibly know what it's like?"

Sakura thought that each of them might really know quite a bit about that, though she didn't say anything. She'd never pondered much about Naruto being an orphan until she became one herself.

Naruto grabbed her hand and tried to wrench himself free. "I oughta to kick your ass, old lady! Can you honestly tell me you're happy out here?"

She flung him into the wall. "The only thing that will make me happy is embarrassing you in front of your friends! Don't push me, you insipid little shit."

Naruto rubbed at his neck in exasperation. "Bite me, grandma. I'm gonna become Hokage someday— we don't even need someone like you."

She froze for a moment, then shrieked in frustration. She grabbed him by the collar again and started dragging him outside.

"Tsunade, please don't kill him. He's quite valuable to me," drawled Jiraiya, sauntering after them as she dragged Naruto outside.

"Great, I'll just pulverize him and then heal him and you can pay off my debts for being so generous and kind," seethed Tsunade. She whipped Naruto's entire body up over her head and then slammed him down into the ground. The air crushed out of him and he wheezed.

Before he could recover, she flung him up into the air. She was intending to follow him and then kick him back down into the earth. His fingers formed the ram seal before she could and a multitude of Naruto's appeared in the air, all of them tumbling and grabbing at the air.

Sakura and Sasuke were stumbling out of the little inn about this time, shocked to see the cloud of Naruto's falling from the sky. Jiraiya was staring up at it with a resigned expression on his face.

"One finger! It's all I need!" Tsunade declared, her feet touching back down onto the earth again.

Jiraiya rubbed his face wearily. "She's gonna kill him…"

The dark haired woman stepped forward and tilted her head to the side. "I think it's going pretty well, actually."

"Hn, thanks kid."

A/N: I have more! I just had to cut it here because this felt like the most sensible place. I start straight to work on finishing the next chapter and put it out ASAP. Sorry I am such a slow updater. Life is really busy and I've had a lot of family die this year. This is probably how I'm going to choose to process these things. Since 2020, there's been a lot of death around me and it's probably why my ficus have been so centered on this.

I promise this isn't supposed to be the gloomiest of fics, even though it will be dealing with harder topics.