Fish Cake

by Sword-Vamp

When Team 7 is confronted with a Road-Poneglyph and a little surprise left by a previous user of the Paw Paw Fruit, they are forced into an adventure that just doesn't compare to any mission they ever had to face. A story in which the Elemental Nations are just another humongous Island on the grand Line, and extreme isolation is caused by the surrounding watercurrents.

3. Chapter 3 - Jerks no Jutsu

Disclaimer

I do not own Naruto and I do not own One Piece. That honor lies with their creators: Masashi Kishimoto and Eiichiro Oda

Many thanks again to Lapin de Lune for beta reading my very first own fanfiction!

Chapter Three: Jerks no Jutsu

***with the crew***

All seemed well on this beautiful day. The Going Merry was drifting through tranquil green waters, under an idyllic blue sky. Perfect little clouds adorned the blue expanse, inviting all who cared to a round of cloud-watching. Not far from the caravel, there was the cutest little island with a single palm tree growing right beside a quaint yellow hut. A clothing line with drying laundry spanned between the palm tree and a wooden pole. On top of that, a reclining beach chair was waiting for somebody to enjoy the tranquillity.

In the face of such serenity, why was it then that this calm was far from an adequate descriptor for the passengers of said caravel?

"There was a whale… I know there was a whale… please tell me there was a whale!" Sakura was about to lose her mind. There was only so much a civilian-born teen could take before going completely bonkers. Her teammates were leaving her behind, so she threw herself into her studies and after quite some grovelling, was even accepted as a disciple to Senju Tsunade of the legendary Sannin. Nonetheless, the genin was still far from becoming a seasoned shinobi, who could face death itself with nerves of steel. Instead, there was something close to breaking inside that pink-haired brain of hers.

"You are quite right, little miss, there was indeed a whale, and it did swallow us." Sanji's kind words did the trick. His assurance that Sakura didn't go completely around the bend, gave her enough perspective to calm herself down, even if just a little.

"That's not the sky. It's paint." whispered Sasuke to his panicking teammate. Admittedly, the realism on the artificial horizon was quite impressive, but Sasuke's sharingan easily revealed the truth. Sakura's eyes widened for a second before she took in her long-time crush. His muscles were coiled and one hand was ready to pull a kunai from his pouch. Sasuke was given command by Kakashi, and even though this was the first time he was given such responsibility, he was trying to keep a level head… without much success.

Sakura only just started her medical training, but Sasuke's example spurted her to also fulfil her role. She crouched down to her Sensei and started giving him a very basic check-up. She wouldn't dare to attempt the mystical palm technique, considering that so far, the pinkette hadn't even managed to successfully reanimate a wounded fish. Add to that her current state of mind, and she was more likely to cause damage than help her Sensei.

What little she could gleam from Kakashi's bodily reactions, there were no life-threatening injuries to be found. Once Sakura was sure that she wouldn't harm him, she lifted Kakashi's upper body up and dragged him to the wall beside a door that led into the caravel, by wrapping her arms around his torso and locking her hands together on the Jonin's flak jacket.

Sanji, always ready to demonstrate his chivalry, took a step towards Sakura, wanting to help. His offer died a quick death in his throat when the angry-looking boy stepped between them and instead of helping his friend, he slowly walked backwards, ready to attack the swirly-browed cook if he dared to come any closer.

Nami saw the whole spectacle and decided to stop Sanji from making a scene. Especially because his help was not only unwanted, but also unneeded, as the girl proved by positioning her Sensei against the outer ship wall.

"What's up with the house and the island?"

"Should be an illusion." came the swordsman's reply.

'what's wrong with these people? How are they staying so calm? I can't see any chakra in their bodies, which means they must be civilians. So why do I get the feeling that the blonde and the green-haired one pose a serious threat?'

The Uchihas' eyes indeed granted their clan some almost mythical abilities. First and foremost a perfect eyesight and the ability to see chakra while automaticly memorizing everything in the user's field of vision. What Sasuke wasn't aware of, is that his eyes were seeing much more than his conscious mind realized. Right now, the two tomoes in each eye were recognizing a bunch of red flags that caused his instincts to shout at him 'DO NOT ENGAGE'.

In a more sensible world, there would have been time for the teens to properly digest their surroundings and cope with them. However, this wasn't a sensible world. This was the Grand Line. A place where reason went to die, and that was a giant lilac squid, easily four times the size of their ship that just popped out of the water and ogled them like a particularly delicious meal.

Sasuke got ready to give the command to grab Kakashi and run, but the sight of the suit wearer and sword fighter crouching into battle stances stopped him. Finally, his mind caught up to what his eyes were telling him all along. There was no arrogance reflected in their eyes. Only the calm confidence of a seasoned fighter, at least high chunin level or even stronger. It was only a small relief to the Uchiha's baffled mind, that the other two pirates were acting appropriately, meaning that they were screaming their heads off.

The day that Sasuke's observations could be put to the test was fast approaching, but it wasn't today. Instead, three deathly harpoons shot out of the hut entrance and pierced the squid from behind. The dead cephalopod keeled over backwards and was reeled towards the island.

"Looks like there are humans here after all," stated Zoro with a slight grin.

"Hopefully only humans." Sanji put his head down as if he wasn't about to go toe to toe with a monster that could have easily smashed the Going Merry to bits.

Nami sobbed from the ground: "That's enough… I wanna go home."

"Luffy is also missing. Are we done for?" accompanied Usopp the navigator in her song of despair.

A gasp escaped Nami: "You're right! Where is he?!"

A man stepped out of the house. An old guy, that might have been from the third Hokage's generation. Sasuke first thought that there was some kind of machine reeling in the beast, but while half hidden in the shadows, the old guy was actually pulling the three thick ropes with his bare hands.

"Huh, a flower?!" came Sanji's shout when the guy finally stepped out of the shadows. And true enough at the border between the bald skin on the top of his head and shaggy white hair around the sides, there was a crown of wide flower petals that seemed to grow from the old man's skull.

"This gramps just killed a royal squid all on his own…" came Nami's incredulous observation.

"Yeah, but…" Sanji puffed on his cigarette when he asked a far more important question: "… was he just fishing or did he intend to save us?"

There was no place for light-heartedness in the man's visage, of that Sakura was sure. Hardened by a life on the sea. This was a serious moment, and without their Sensei here to help, she couldn't know if they were going to survive a clash with such a powerful individual.

Step by step the flower person walked along his island's shore, never taking his eyes off the pirate ship. Everybody followed his path and took the opportunity to truly take him in. He had a white goaty, split in the middle as if some animal took a bite from it. His wide shoulders and thick arms were covered by a pink short-sleeved shirt, which did nothing to reduce his threatening aura.

His vicious glare started to send shivers down Sakura's spine, freezing even the pirates in place who were ready to take on the now-identified royal squid. A final step and what was about to take on the form of a grim reaper in the girl's head turned around, took a seat on a reclining beach chair and started reading a newspaper as if they weren't even there.

"SAY SOMETHING YOU ASSHOLE!" The previously charming blonde guy made Sakura jump a little, a very much demonesque visage accompanying his exclamation.

As if only now acknowledging the presence of a pirate crew, the Kraken killer stopped reading his paper to take a short look at the Going Merry, as one would a squirrel that happened to run through their garden.

"Just come at me, if you wanna fight!" shouted the previously whimpering long nose, while preparing to shoot their canon that somehow made its way on deck, without Sakura realising.

Now that caused a reaction. The old man's eyes widened as almost visible tension reclaimed the atmosphere. Everybody was holding their breath in anticipation of his reaction.

"You better don't do that, or someone is going to die." The assurance of death was the challenge Sasuke was waiting for. This person was to be treated as hostile, just like everybody else surrounding them. The canon was a good idea, but such a warning was enough to take away the long nose's spirit as he shrieked in terror.

Meanwhile, the swordsman and the suit guy tensed their bodies, ready to jump into action in the face of their own fear. "Ou really…?" Sanji said with a level voice, but there was a slight tremble that betrayed him. "And who would that be?"

"Me." came his immediate response.

"YOU?!" screamed the swirly-browed cook and a pink-haired genin in perfect synchronicity, causing Sasuke's ears to ring for a moment as the harpy cry happened right beside his head.

Zoro finally calmed down. He was ready for battle from the moment these strange people crashed into their ship, but with the adult out of commission and this flower guy probably not going to attack them, he took a deep breath and assessed the situation. The kids were scared. The boy tried to hide it behind an angry visage, while his hand seemed ready to pull something out of a pouch that was bound around one of his legs. Inside it he heard the unmistakable sound of sharp metal objects rubbing against each other, so some kind of knives. Luffy was nowhere to be seen, but in Zoro's mind, the mere possibility of their captain not finding his way back to them was preposterous. In the meantime, he should try to take control of the situation.

"Come on, calm down," Zoro stated with a hand on Sanji's shoulder.

"This asshole thinks we're stupid, damn old…" In his anger, Sanji was close to biting through his cigarette, but Zoro stepped passed him to take some of the heat.

"Hey gramps! Where are we, and who are you?"

Again, a serious atmosphere surrounded the passengers, the still dead kraken reminding them of this guy's capabilities.

"When you ask people questions, isn't it polite to introduce yourself first?"

"Hm? Ou, yea right… I'm sorry. My name is Roronoa…"

"I'm Crocus. I'm the lighthouse keeper of the Twin Cape. I am 71 years old and a Gemini. My blood type is AB…"

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" This time it was Zoro who needed to be kept in check.

"You want to know where we are?" asked Crocus the newly insulted swordsman. "You cheeky brats. Even though you are disturbing my private vacation home".

Everybody heard the whistle of a sharp object flying through the air, right before a kunai embedded itself into the palm tree behind Crocus' head.

'Not bad… not bad at all' Zoro was impressed by the kids throwing skills. With basically no time wasted on aiming, he was able to pull a sizeable knife from his pocket and accurately throw it without the help of additional tools, at a distance that other kids his age would have trouble throwing a normal ball. Also, that thing had still enough force behind it to sink deep into the tree.

And his eyes are red again. They look similar to their teacher's left one, but he seems to switch them between red and black instead of covering them up. A Devil fruit maybe? No, it's impossible for two people to have the same devil fruit. And that missing kid, the blond one. It was pretty hectic but I know what I saw. He created physical duplicates of himself to save his teacher. That had to be a devil fruit power. Then again, that teacher of theirs controlled water. A devil fruit that makes you control water would be really strange, considering the effect water has on devil fruit users.'

"I'm losing my patience, old man. You will tell us what we need to know, or you will regret it!" Sasuke's voice promised pain as a familiar burning sensation flared up on his shoulder. The Heaven's Curse mark feasted on hatred as delicious as that.

"Hey hey kid, don't worry." Sanji tried his luck again. "Everything is gonna be alright. Your friend is with our captain and until we find them, you will be safe with us."

But Sasuke was not so easily persuaded. Of course, his emotions weren't quite his own right now. Any kid would panic after what they went through, and even trained child soldiers would have to deal with a mild emotional imbalance at the very least. Add a parasitical seal on his shoulder that was meant to cause exactly such an imbalance and Sasuke's reaction became quite understandable.

"Tse,… screw you swirly brow." At those words, a wide grin sprang on Zoro's face.

"We are leaving, and that guy can tell us how to get out of here."

Sanji was now grinding his teeth. Normally this kid would have deserved an ass whooping that would leave him in tears at the thought of using a toilet, but the pinkette got in his way.

"Sasuke… try to breathe. You are not yourself right now." With one hand on the enraged teen's cheek and a meaningful glance to his shoulder, Sakura managed to successfully calm her temporary squad leader down.

The kid took a deep breath and actually closed his eyes for a second before getting a grip on his anger.

Crocus watched the spectacle with mild interest. You didn't live right by the entrance to the Grand Line without suffering multiple death threats a week. Those rookies who tried to pick a fight with him were one of the very few sources of enjoyment in the old geezer's life. Those who could pose an actual threat to the old medic either didn't care about him or happily shared a drink before going on their way. Still, being threatened by a kid entering this death trap called an ocean, was indeed a rarity. The only kids you met on the Grand Line, were the ones born on the islands you came across… that is, if one doesn't count those baring that disgusting brand on their back, or the two whippersnappers that were with his own former crew.

'That was quite a throw. And his body language… the little shrimp was ready to leap towards me. So throwing knives is just an opener, not a speciality. Not bad at all…'

"Tse, better listen to the girl, if you know what's good for you, shrimp. What is it you 'need' to know? Just look around. Does this look like a mouse stomach to you?"

Once Sasuke got a grip on himself, he started looking around again. The burning sensation on his shoulder receded, as the evil sealing script that Kakashi left there did his job to suppress Orochimaru's curse seal. He already knew that what the others thought was the sky, was in fact a scarily realistic painting. However, after taking another look with his activated eyes, he saw even more. Past the paint, he saw slight rhythmic movement inside the walls. Almost as if there was a pulse.

"S-S-So we were actually swallowed by that whale… but that's not how a whale stomach is supposed to look like!" Usopps wondered while gazing at what, to him, still seemed like a beautiful ocean sky.

"Wait, what is gonna happen to us? I don't want to be digested!" exclaimed the anxious navigator. There was no way she could take much more of this.

Tensions spiked again as Crocus focused his penetrating glare back on them. Like a sea king laying in wait for his prey to…

"ENOUGH WITH THIS CRAP?!" came the crew's enraged shouts at the flower man's display.

"Ever heard of a repeating joke?" Crocus was obviously highly amused by playing on their nerves like they were strings on a violin.

"Tse, the dobe would like this fossil…" muttered Sasuke under his breath, but Sakura heard him, as was shown by her trying to hide a few giggles behind her hand.

"IT WAS A JOKE?!"

"The exit is back there by the way." the Uchiha's red eyes followed the geezer's finger until they came to a stop on a huge two-winged metal door, big enough for the caravel to easily fit through, and then some. There was even a ladder that reached to a human-sized door, inside the door, most likely connecting to a pathway. Said eyes now gained a very recognizable twitch, that had never been present without a certain blond loud mouth present. How did he miss that?!

"That's the exit? But why is there a door inside a whale? And why is it in the middle of the sky?"

"Excuse me, Ms Pirate?" Nami turned to the timid pinkette. This was the first time the girl addressed somebody other than her companions.

"That isn't actually the sky. It is just painted on. If you take a closer look, you will see that the clouds and seagulls aren't actually moving."

"It's a picture! The entire sky is painted on the inside of the whale's stomach!" at the long nose's realization, Sasuke couldn't help to produce a loud clapping sound by smashing his hand against his forehead. To him it was all clear, he even saw the little signatures beneath every single bird, so he might be excused for the opinion that he finally found a person with more air between his ears than Naruto.

"Call it a doctor's playfulness."

"YOU DAMN JERK! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" The sniper's eyes almost popped out, while screaming. Sakura read quite a number of medical texts since she started her apprenticeship, but she sure wasn't ready to fix something like that. Luckily the green-haired guy intervened.

"Hey, don't let him rile you up. Nami, there's an exit. Let's get out of here."

"Yea, ok… whoa!" The ocean started churning in the middle of Nami's approval and green waves splashed against Merry with abandon.

"Hey look! It's not an island, it's a ship, completely made of metal!"

"Yes of course! The ocean is actually stomach acid!" exclaimed the long nose in fascination, with Sanji not far behind: "Wooden ships would probably dissolve if they stayed in here too long."

"Hey, what's going on!?" Usopp shouted to the annoying jokester.

"The whale… Laboon started hitting his head against the Red Line."

Sakura and Sasuke secured their Sensei's prone body and listened to the straw hats discussing the horrible scars they remembered on the titan's head. The pinkette still felt its wails in her bones.

"… it's suffering!" Again, she addressed the only other woman on board.

"Yes, you're right… maybe he's trying to kill it from the inside."

"What an evil way to kill somebody…"

"We don't have time for this!" Usopp cowered a little at Sasuke's angry interruption. Of course, the slightly psychotic undertones his curse mark caused were absent now, but it was enough to make the older teen take a step back.

"He's right. Now that we figured out what's going on, let's get out of here. If we aren't fast, we'll be digested." Zoro's calm command found even the cook's approval.

"This whale hunt doesn't concern us. It's not our job to save the whale."

Sasuke was so used to Naruto trying to convince them of saving any number of random people beyond their mission, that he had to swallow his arguments against saving the animal when he heard their responses, accompanied by shock waves that were caused by… Laboon trying to fight a mountain.

"… now, let's hurry."

"The old guy jumped in!" and sure enough, all passengers watched Namis shout as Crocus swam through the stomach acid that was about to swallow their ship as if he was making some leisurely rounds in a swimming pool.

***with Luffy and Naruto***

Flashback

"My head hurts, dattebayo!"

"What the hell? Why does this whale have a door and a tunnel?"

Naruto and Luffy found themselves in a completely metal-clad corridor. There were wooden support beams and, haphazardly bolted metal plates bolted between bigger plates, probably to repair some kind of damage, and even electrical lamps with levers hanging from the ceiling.

In perfect synchronicity, the stupid pair's eyes flashed into glowing stars.

"IT'S A CYBORG WHALE!" "… DATTEBAYO!"

"Wait, if we are inside the whale, then we can find our friends! Are you with me, Datelby?"

"Huh? Sure, let's find our friends. But what's a datubi?"

"No idea? I thought it was your name, and you said it all the time because you liked it so much."

"What are you talking about? I never said datable in my life, dattebayo!"

"THERE, you said it again! Are you stupid or something?"

"Hey! I'm not stupid! You are stupid!"

"You take that back! I'm super smart. I'm not the one shouting stupid things!"

"No, but at least I'm not wearing a stupid straw hat, dattebayo!"

"Don't you dare say something against my hat! It is the coolest hat in the whole world!"

"The Hokage's hat is much cooler than that ratty old thing!"

That took the wind out of Luffy's sails. Sometimes, the attention span of a common house cat could be an advantage.

"Huh? What's a Hokage?"

A huge grin spread over the genin's face.

"The Hokage is the strongest Ninja of Konohagakure no sato, the village hidden in the leaves. Granny Tsunade is the fifth Hokage right now, but one day I will take that hat from her. I will be the greatest one there ever was, dattebayo!" obviously every word was accompanied by wild gesticulations.

"Whoooooaaaa, so you really are a ninja? And becoming this Hoki guy, that's your dream?"

Naruto wanted to shout in rage again, that it was Hokage and not Hoki guy. But there was something more behind that question. It was as if he was being judged by something much greater. There was just such honesty in the pirate's tone, and his smile was neither patronising nor condescending. He was genuinely curious!

"You bet. It's a promise, and I never go back on my promise. That's my ninja way, dattebayo!"

"Haha, that's great!" The raven-haired teen offered Naruto his hand. "I am Monkey D. Luffy, and I will become king of the pirates."

Luffy didn't shout. He didn't promise it as a goal to be accomplished. He just stated a fact, with absolute certainty, and a smile that would one day make gods tremble. It didn't compare to Naruto's almost petulant shouts of becoming the leader of the hidden leaf village. He could have sworn that the pirate's words were accompanied by a strong sea breeze, even though there wasn't the slightest air current in this stuffy corridor.

After gazing at the offered appendage for a few seconds, still flabbergasted by the utter lack of ridicule, he took the offered appendage and introduced himself: "My name is Uzumaki Naruto."

"Oh cool! Fish Cake is a much better name than dittelba."

"IT'S NOT NARUTO LIKE FISH CAKE, IT'S NARUTO LIKE MAELSTROM, DATTEBAYO!"

"Hmm… that's a really tough word… Nah, Fish Cake is much easier, shishishishishi!"

Present

'This is one creepy tunnel' thought Naruto. They started walking quite some time ago, but all they found was more tunnel… inside a whale.

A heavy groan reverberated through the endless hallway, right before it turned upside down.

"Whoa, hey! The floor is moving!"

First against the side, then the ceiling, and against the floor again. Luffy and Naruto were thrown around like pinballs. The rapid movements shot them through the tunnel at breakneck speeds, until they came out into an even bigger tunnel, with a channel running through it. They landed on a walkway beside the water but got only a short reprieve. The floor tilted again and threw them down the wide corridor towards a large metal door, where they smashed into two R.P.I.s (randomly positioned individuals), before being ejected through a human-sized metal door, INSIDE the bigger one.

***back with everybody***

Crocus came out of the acid and started to quickly climb the ladder up to the door door (no typo).

Meanwhile, Nami, who somewhere along the chaos had started clinging to the younger girl, not realizing that the only thing that stopped Sasuke from slitting her throat open was a click of Zoro's swords and an intense glance towards the angry teen, wondered for a second where the old guy went to.

The short spike in killing intent came to an abrupt halt as four screaming people shot out of the door door and flew right into the acidic lake.

"LUFFY!" "NARUTO!" "DOBE!"

Naruto was already surrounded by green when he got his bearings. He was about to follow the two strangers up to the surface when he noticed somebody missing. Where was Luffy? Left, right, front, behind, and even over him, the pirate was nowhere to be seen.

'That only leaves' and there he was, a human silhouette, disappearing into murky green depths. As fast as he could, Naruto followed the strangely stiff pirate captain and pulled him up with him.

On his last smidgeon of oxygen, they broke through the surface and Luffy finally started moving again. The problem was, that he still didn't do anything to support his own weight, instead, he just clung to Naruto.

"Damn, can you at least try to move your legs a little?!"

"Shishishishi, sorry, but I can't swim at all."

Slowly Naruto managed to concentrate enough chakra into his feet to pull himself to the surface, making it look like an actual platform. It was tougher than usual, considering that he had one hand firmly around Luffy's arm, and the waves were still churning quite a bit, even though they calmed down considerably since they arrived in…where were they… was that the sky… no wait, what did he say?!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T SWIM?! HOW DOES A PIRATE NOT KNOW HOW TO SWIM, DATTEBAYO?! YOU LIVE ON WATER, DAMMIT!"

This new wave of baffled rage gave Naruto enough energy to swing Luffy on his back. Once he was out of the water… since when is sea water green by the way… and it stang his eyes much more than it should… Luffy started moving again, securing himself safely on the young ninja's back.

"Never said I don't know how to swim, shishishishi. I said I can't swim. But hey, you can walk on water? You get more awesome by the second! Why don't you join…"

"Luffy! Over here!" came Zoro's interruption.

"Ou, there's my crew! Hold on tight!"

"Huh? What am I supposed to hold on to? I'm carrying you!"

And for the second time today, Naruto saw Luffy's arm shoot forward until he grabbed the railing.

"Whoa, how did you HOLYFUCKINGHELLINAFUCKSBASKETYOUSHITFUCKING…" and again, the jinjuriky crashed at highly unhealthy speeds into a hard surface.

A final wale went through the stomach and the waves finally calmed down to a manageable degree.

"Oooooouch, that huuuuurt." Naruto's head was still spinning when he tried to get to his feet. Back on the sheep-headed caravel, he spotted Luffy's crew and his teammates standing protectively over their Sensei. On top of that, he got a good look at the people they ram into. One was a lanky orange-haired guy, in a flamboyant green suit with an actual crown on his head and strange swirly tattoos on his cheeks, that almost looked like the number nine. The other had her shiny blue hair tightly bound in a high ponytail, that reached to her hips. She was wearing a rather form-fitting striped corset, a bejewelled belt, and a pair of rather short… well, shorts. All of that is topped with a fur-lined green jacket.

'They look really strange' thought the blond with whisker marks on his cheeks, while wearing his bright orange jumpsuit and blue sandals.

He guessed that one of Luffy's friends fished them out of the water, as they were all surrounding them. The captain was sitting behind the duo on the railing as if he didn't just escape a wet death, and the others took positions in a loose circle around them. All except the blond one that is, who was crouched down with hearts in his eyes. In front of them, Naruto saw two bazookas that were almost as tall as himself.

"Alright, we saved you for now, but who are you?" threatened the only crew member who was able to pull off a threatening aura.

"Mr. 9, they are pirates." whispered the woman loud enough for everybody to hear.

"I know Ms. Wednesday, but I'm sure they'll understand if we explain ourselves." As the guy now identified as Mr. 9 shared his assumption, Naruto saw the guy in the suit… the pirate guy in the black suit, not the crown guy in the green one… get closer and closer to an obviously uncomfortable Ms. Wednesday.

"Psh, I hate perverts, dattebayo. Hey swirly, take a look at this!"

"Huh?" muttered Sanji as he turned his head to the petulant voice.

Sexy Jutsu!

In a puff of smoke, the cook was confronted with a vision of Eden. A voluptuous naked girl with long blonde pig tales was posing her divine body for him, her modesty only protected by strategically placed clouds as part of the transformation. With a wink and a kiss sent through the air, Naruto's highly dangerous technique took effect as a fountain of blood shot out of the pervert's nose and left him out of commission. When the swordsman and the navigator also turned their heads around to see what took out their friend, they were met with the innocent grin of Konoha's number one prankster and already disappearing clouds around him.

"Shishishi, you totally took out Sanji." Luffy commented, obviously not bothered in the slightest by Naruto's display. The ninja himself was rather pleased with the pirate captain's reaction. He didn't spend much time with Luffy, but he kind of liked the guy, and he really wasn't a fan of perverts.

Naruto was about to join the crew to learn more about what was happening when he heard his teammates calling him over to them.

"Dobe, get your ass over here." banish the thought of Sasuke addressing him in an even slightly respectful manner.

"What's up, Teme?" Naruto grumbled with his hands in his pockets as he approached the other genin.

"How did you get in here Naruto?" Sakura inquired and so the members of team 7 started to exchange their stories while the Straw Hats dealt with their unwanted passengers… the other ones.

"You scumbags are still here?!"

Crocus got everyone's attention when he returned, by shouting from the alleviated door door.

"Don't make me tell you again! As long as I live, I will never let you hurt Laboon!"

"Who's the geezer?" asked Luffy as Ms. Wednesday and Mr. 9 got to their feet with cocky smiles and weapons ready to fire.

"Even if you say that, we can't just leave." giggled the bluenette.

"It is our mission to take out the whale. This time we won't allow you to interfere in our hunt!" added her pompous friend. "We will open another blow hole through his stomach! Let's go, baby!"

"Roger!"

With a loud bang, two cannonballs fired from their bazookas and flew into the sky. Crocus started running the second he heard their weapons, jumped between the projectiles and the stomach wall, and suffered the explosion caused by their impact with his body.

"The old guy jumped right into their flight path!" Usopp marvelled at the blatant show of heroism.

"Seriously?! He's actually protecting the whale?!" despite Sanji's earlier comments, Crocus' heroic act left him in awe, while Luffy watched the spectacle in wonder.

Meanwhile, Ms. Wednesday and Mr. 9 laughed at the old man's attempt to protect Laboon.

"Hiiiiihihihihi, your resistance is futile, old man!"

"If you want to protect the whale so much, just try it! We will turn him into food for our town!"

Both their voices gained a rather punchable quality as Luffy listened to the woman's fake laughter. Soon her companion joined in, as if they just heard the most hilarious non-hilarious joke at a dinner party.

"Hahahahahaaaa" "Hihihihihiiii" scrunch, came the sound of two fists violently smashing their heads together by a straw hat-wearing pirate with a noticeably absent smile.

"…Luffy?" asked Usopp his captain.

"I just felt like… punching them."

"Bwahahahahahaha! You saw that, Sakura?! That was awesome!" Naruto shouted in approval.

Crocus had already resurfaced from the depths of Laboon's stomach. He saw how the captain took out these scumbags, knowing his position in the crew as soon as he laid eyes on the straw hat. A rather familiar straw hat, that was passed down to another kid by his own former captain. 'Well, Captain Roger. Looks like your crown found its way back here. It is quite some time since Shanks told me about the boy he left it with.'

He swam towards the Merry and climbed up its side without any difficulty.

"IT'S A WATER ZOMBIE!" screamed the long nose when Crocus jumped over the railing, his body showing a remarkable lack of damage.

"Takes more to take me out than some whipper snappers like those." he was tempted to give the freshly bound and knocked out duo a kick, when he laid his eyes on the kids on board, or more precisely, who they were guarding. Behind the broody knife thrower, lay a man with wild silver hair, in a completely unfamiliar uniform.

"What's up with this guy?" he asked in a no-nonsense tone.

"What is it to you?" Crocus was sure the kid, was ready to defend this man. The girl also took a protective position right behind the boy, while the blonde one that arrived with the crew's captain, seemed to be ready to attack him from the sides. This was quite an astonishing display of applied battle tactics for kids so young. Shanks and Buggy would have been hard-pressed to show this level of training when they were this age… or even today. Crocus, however, had no interest in further antagonizing them. Especially after the Straw Hats took care of these idiots.

"I'm a doctor. If there's something wrong with your friend, you should let me have a look."

Sasuke tried to analyse the situation. His first instinct was to kill this guy and be done with it, but Kakashi put him in charge of the team's and his own safety. Even though he was hailed as a prodigy and genius, that was just a level of trust the teen wasn't used to. 'OK, get a grip of yourself. One thing after another. Sakura is behind me; she will have our backs if anything goes south. The dobe is keeping his distance, but he's ready to summon an army if needed. Damn, I don't know if Kakashi needs a doctor or not. After Zabuza, he just slept it off. But back then he didn't take a soldier pill right after exhausting himself. What the hell am I supposed to do…'

"Sasuke?" Sakura interrupted his spiral. Instead of answering, he slightly turned his head to give her a nod, indicating that he was listening without taking his eyes off of the potential threat.

"I think we should let him have a look. I might not be far enough in my training to treat Sensei myself, but I think I can spot if he tries something."

"Don't worry." Luffy walked up beside Crocus and put a hand on the old man's shoulder.

"If he hurts your friend, we will hurt him."

"Tse, captain's orders I guess." A klick indicated Zoro's thumb slightly pushing a sword out of its sheath.

"Yeah, don't get in my way when I need to kick this fossil overboard moss-head." Sanji found his way back to the land of the living after Naruto's hard takedown and lit a cigarette in readiness for a fight.

Sasuke's skills in cold reading weren't comparable at all to those of a Hyuga. But his eyes gave him a slight edge in that regard. Enough to tell him, that for some unfathomable reason, none of the people he saw, meant them any harm. Not even the guy he threw a kunai at.

"Ok. But I'm watching you."

"Shishishishi, don't worry pink eye. I'll make sure you guys are safe."

"BWAHAHAHAHA, HE CALLED YOU PINK EYE, TEME!"

Sasuke was about to threaten the pirate's entire ancestry for that remark when he turned around to Naruto and said: "Hm? Did I say something funny Fish Cake?"

"Pfffff…." and immediately the Uchiha had his hand clamped over his mouth at that absolute gold nugget of an insult. 'How did I never think of that? He basically breathes ramen!'

"If you are quite finished now, I have a patient that requires my attention."

Without waiting for permission, Crocus passed Sasuke and took a knee beside his unconscious Sensei. Sakura watched every single touch as the doctor checked Kakashi's pulse and opened the not-covered eyelid for a second.

"Hmm….he seems stable for now. I have my equipment outside at the lighthouse. I don't see the need for any emergency procedures, so I'll take a closer look when we get there."

"Thank you, sir."

"Huh. Been quite some time somebody called me sir, little girl. My patients, however, tend to call me all sorts of other things." Crocus tried to hide the blush on his cheeks, from being addressed in a respectful manner (without much success), before just changing the subject.

"So, why did you help me out, rookie?"

"Hm? I didn't. I just wanted to punch them." At this moment, it was quite easy to distinguish the unbound passengers, from the actual crew. While everybody else was looking at Luffy in bafflement, the straw hat pirates didn't question their captain's statement at all.

Being used to weird individuals, Crocus was the first to recover. "OK then, follow my ship. I'll show you the way out."

While the crew manoeuvred their ship close enough to the island ship… or is it ship island…. Nami asked the old man about the identities of the two pompous whale hunters. He explained to them, that they came from a small town on an island nearby and had it out for Laboon because his body could easily feed them up till two or three years.

The Merry slowly followed Crocus through the sky gate and into the long channel. Meanwhile, he further explained, that with Laboon's size, the only way to treat the wounds he got from repeatedly fighting the biggest Mountain in the world, was from the inside, which led smoothly into why he was looking after the whale in the first place.

If Kakashi was awake, he would have stayed on high alert, only faking his interest to be ready to react if one of these strangers were to attack his team. The rest of Team 7 however, consisted of kids. Trained child soldiers they might be, but you can't expect a group of 13-year-olds not to be enraptured by Laboon's tragic tale.

"Quite some time ago, when a crew of kind-hearted pirates came down the Reverse Mountain".

"Tse."

"You have something to add, kiddo?" Crocus asked the spiteful boy.

"Yeah, I do. Kind-hearted pirates? How is that supposed to work? Pirates are pillagers and murderers." He stated with all the tact of an exploding tag shoved up somebody's ass.

Sakura immediately got ready to defend herself from the expected backlash, but instead, she was met with chuckles all around.

"Hehehe, I can't blame you for thinking that. For a lot of people flying the Jolly Roger, that is certainly true. Maybe even for most." There was no anger in Crocus' voice as he agreed with the last Uchiha. If anything, there was a touch of sadness hidden in his words.

"But those aren't real Pirates." Exclaimed Luffy with absolute certainty. "Jerks like that are just fakers! True pirates travel the seas with their friends to follow their dreams and go on awesome adventures!"

"Damn right, dattebayo!" The whole crew and Naruto, who was getting far too friendly with these people for Sasuke's liking, agreed to that.

"Well, where was I? Right… so this crew came down the mountain. Strangely enough, they had a baby island whale with them. As big as a pony, he was back then. Followed their ship into the Grand Line, as if it was a game. Island whales only live in the West Blue, you see. There was no way back for the little bugger. Their ship got damaged, so they had to stay at the twin capes for a while until they made the necessary repairs.

We got quite familiar with each other. They were good folk, I tell ya. So, the captain asked me to look after Laboon until they got back. Two or three years and they would have sailed around the globe to meet Laboon again, he said… well, that was about 50 years ago."

The last tidbit caused a gasp to go through Crocus' avid audience.

"After a while, Laboon started to scream at the Red Line. The captain promised him, they would come down the very same mountain again, so to him, there is no doubt: The mountain is keeping him from his friends, so it is his enemy. Every day he fights it. Every day he rams his head into the cliffs, and every day, his injuries grow worse."

"But where are they, old man? Why did those pirates leave their friend here?!" Naruto couldn't understand. No way in hell would he ever leave his friends. How could they?!

"Kid..." Sanji caught Naruto's attention, a freshly lit cigarette in his mouth. His mood was as morose as everybody else's.

"This is the Grand Line. The most dangerous ocean in the world. Those pirates… might have left the Grand Line, without caring about Laboon. But it's more likely that they simply died before making it."

Naruto cast his eyes to the ground at that possibility.

"We're here!" announced Crocus, as if he didn't just rip out the boy's heart to perform a tango on it.

Another ship-sized gate appeared while they were listening to Laboon's story. Far nimbler than he had any right to be, the old man jumped to another ladder that led to a small platform, with a mechanism to supposedly open up their way into the outside world. And indeed, the doors started to move. Sunshine flooded the tunnel, and a few moments later, the Going Merry was sailing the oceans again, under a real blue sky.

***chapter end***

Author's Note:

Aaaaand that's a wrap. Thank you so much you amazing people that decided to give Fish Cake a try and even follow it. I'll do my best to provide you with some nice entertainment.

Chapter 3 endet up longer then 1 and 2 combined xD. I got to say, I have a new level of appreciation for Oda thinking he could finish One Piece in only a year. It's like, I know where I want the chapter to end, but there's just so much stuff happening. But hey, we finally left the glory that is Laboon's intestins.

I tell ya, there is soooo much stuff I want to do in this story. I can't wait to get to Little Garden!

Well, I hoped you liked it! Feel free to leave a respectful review and make sure that you receive a notification when I update the story. I heard there are sometimes problems with receiving notifications.

Bye bye, and until next time!