December 2016
Outside the building, the streets were filled with tourists and shoppers looking at the Christmas light displays whilst they worked their way through the crowds to carry on with their Christmas shopping. Mary sighed as she leaned back in her chair, watching through the window of her office as people walked, wishing that she could just take a break and join them.
She felt relieve in her back as she lounged, having been sat up straight since nine that morning. It was nearing eleven now and she had sent Edna on her break early ten minutes ago. It was just her in the office as Matthew had headed out early for a job interview with someone that she had connected him with for a legal position.
She heard the door open and close quickly and smiled as Anna popped into her office and sat opposite her.
"I thought I'd bring you a coffee." Anna said brightly, holding up a medium-sized paper bag.
"Thank you." Mary smiled.
As Anna handed her a coffee cup, Mary glanced over at Matthew's empty office across the hallway and her thoughts drifted. It was only for a moment, there was nothing that she was particularly thinking about, but long enough for Anna to form an amused smirk on her face.
"What?" Mary asked slightly defensive.
"You. Looking over at Matthew's office like a lovestruck teenager." Anna chuckled.
"I wasn't."
Anna nodded conspiratorially and took a sip of her coffee.
"Are you going to tell him or are you going to make things official with Tony?" Anna asked.
Mary rolled her eyes.
It had been weeks since Tony had told her of his intentions towards her and what he wanted. She still hadn't given an answer and Tony hadn't pushed her on it. But in truth, she had hesitations about whether Tony was right for her. He was pleasant, polite, kind to her, he made her laugh, and she enjoyed his conversation. She liked him and believed he was thoughtful. He had helped her that night all those months ago when they had to cancel bookings for Downton tours.
But there was still something missing from allowing her to make up her mind.
"There's something missing which is stopping me from making a decision about Tony." Mary admitted.
"What is it?" Anna asked.
"I don't know how compatible we are. The time we spend together is nice, we get on so well. He's a nice man and I like him. But we haven't…you know…"
Anna smiled sympathetically.
"You haven't gone further than heavy petting and snogging?" she asked.
Mary shook her head and shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she sipped her coffee…more here…
"Every time we…you know…Tony says he doesn't want to rush me…that he wants to be respectful…"
Anna rolled her eyes.
"Well…do you want to sleep with him?" her friend asked.
"I think it's the only way to know that we're compatible completely. I don't want to be in a relationship where we get on well in public but behind closed doors things are a disaster. It doesn't bode well for the future." Mary replied.
"I suppose that's a rational approach to a relationship. But you should only really sleep with him if you're attracted to him." Anna cautioned.
"I am, don't worry." Mary smiled.
Just as the two women shared a giggle, they saw Matthew enter his office hurriedly with a look of annoyance etched on his face. Mary and Anna exchanged a look of curiosity as to why Matthew looked annoyed. Just before Mary could ask him, he stood in the doorway of his office, staring at her.
"How did the interview go?" she asked.
"Fine. I can take over now." Matthew replied curtly.
Mary frowned, wondering why he was being short with her. She glanced at Anna who was shifting uncomfortably in her seat and rose from her seat.
"I'm meeting Rosamund for lunch; do you want me to bring you anything back?" Mary asked politely.
"No, thank you."
Anna rose from her seat and threw her empty coffee cup into Mary's wastebin. Mary pulled on her coat and picked up her bag, looking at Matthew through the entire process.
"Nice to see you, Matthew." Anna said, waving as she and Mary walked out of the office.
Matthew didn't reply, he simply went back into his office and started typing at his computer. As Mary and Anna stepped out on to the busy street, the two best friends looked at each with the same odd expression on their faces, both thinking the same thing.
"What was his problem?" Anna asked curiously.
"I don't know. Maybe his interview didn't go the way he had hoped?" Mary suggested.
"Or…he overheard our conversation…" Anna guessed.
Mary rolled her eyes.
"What if he did and it bothered him?" Anna asked.
"Anna…"
"It's a possibility." Her friend teased.
Mary didn't want to admit that Matthew being annoyed at her discussing her relationship with Tony was a possibility. Admitting it was a possibility would open a can of worms that she was trying hard not to open. She needed to accept that Matthew and Lavinia were marrying in the next year, that her ex was moving on with his life and she had to do the same.
"I must go; Rosamund is meeting me in five minutes. I hope you enjoy your day with John." Mary smiled.
"Bye Mary."
The two friends parted ways and Mary walked down the street until she reached a little café that she and Rosamund sometimes met at for a light lunch. She saw that her aunt was sat at a small table in the back. She walked through the dining area and took the empty seat opposite Rosamund.
"Hello dear." Rosamund greeted.
"Hello."
As Mary sat, a waitress came to take their order. Rosamund started to fill Mary in about her latest endeavours and Mary filled her aunt in on the ongoing event planning that she was doing with Matthew. After they had finished, both ladies left the café and started to walk back in the direction of the office. As they walked, they spotted Lavinia ahead of them with a man. A man with dark blue eyes and greying hair.
"That's Sir Richard Carlisle!" Rosamund said loudly.
"So?"
"He owns a newspaper group and rather influential. I've met him a few times at some dinner parties. He's trying to make connections amongst the nobility."
As Mary and Rosamund walked closer to Sir Richard and Lavinia, it became evident that the conversation between Lavinia and Sir Richard wasn't a pleasant one. Sir Richard looked calm yet determined, speaking to Lavinia quietly whilst the redhead looked frightened, an expression that only deepened when Sir Richard grasped Lavinia's upper arm.
"I'm simply reminding you that-"
"Sir Richard! How nice to see you again." Rosamund greeted loudly.
The man let go of Lavinia hurriedly and turned to Mary and Rosamund, etching a smile on his face.
"Lady Rosamund, how lovely. How are you?" Sir Richard greeted.
"Well, thank you. Lavinia." Rosamund said, turning her attention to the redhead.
Mary watched as Lavinia muttered her goodbyes, saying something about being late back from her lunch break. As Mary tuned out of the conversation that her aunt was having with an old acquaintance, she pondered over just what had been said between the newspaper mogul and Lavinia.
Whatever it was, it was bad.
Saying her goodbyes to her aunt, Mary returned to the office.
oOo
It was a little after three that afternoon when Mary sent Edna home early, having finished most of the work for the day, with only a few emails left to reply to. As she headed out of her office and into the reception area, she noticed the door opening and in stepped Lavinia.
"Lavinia, hello. Matthew has just popped out." Mary smiled.
The redhead nodded stiffly.
"How are things here with the two of you? Matthew says you're working hard." Lavinia stated.
"We are. It's a busy time of year for the estate. We host a lot of Christmas events. Sleigh rides in the snow, Santa's grotto, carol singing. We host events up until Christmas eve, so I appreciate Matthew's help." Mary replied.
"Sounds magical."
"It is. We've been doing the events for as long as I can remember."
There was an awkward pause as Lavinia sat opposite her. Unlike the last time that Mary had had an unexpected visit and conversation with Lavinia in her office, this time the woman seemed uneasy.
"Mary…I wanted to explain…my connection to Sir Richard Carlisle…" Lavinia muttered.
"You don't need to explain anything to me." Mary assured her.
"But I do. I wasn't expecting to run into you and your aunt the other day and what you saw must have looked strange." Lavinia sighed.
"It's not my business."
Lavinia shook her head.
"No. But I feel like I must clear some things up…"
Mary said nothing as she watched Lavinia shift uncomfortably in her seat. The redhead looked nervous; her eyes were watering as if she were trying to hold back the tears.
"I haven't told Matthew because I'm so ashamed…"
"Ashamed about what?"
"In 2009, my father lost some money to Sir Richard. I'm not entirely sure of the details between them, my father won't discuss it. But Sir Richard collects his debts and ruins you if you don't pay up. My father would've lost everything…the firm, his property, his money, and Sir Richard implied that he would even ruin me and my future. My father was desperate, and I've never seen him hit that low."
Mary nodded, trying to understand what she was being told. She had only met Sir Richard Carlisle a few times and he wasn't a man that she wanted to be acquainted with. The impression he had left her with was that he was a powerful, ambitious man who was ruthless in both his personal life and the business world.
"So, I went to Sir Richard and asked him if there was any way that he would give my father a solution or more time…something to help him out and not bankrupt him…and Sir Richard…"
Lavinia's breath caught and a few stray tears streamed down her face, her eyes filled with guilt and regret.
"Sir Richard told me that he knew my uncle was a junior minister in Cabinet. He told me that he had research into government and expenses and wanted more information…and if I got him concrete evidence to back up his research…he would forgive my father's debts…" Lavinia sighed.
Mary's face softened and her heart sank for Lavinia. She could see just how much family meant to the redhead and just how much she loved her father to save him from ruin at Sir Richard's hands.
"I'm so sorry…but why would Sir Richard just drop a debt? I don't know how much your father owed…but I imagine it was a lot…" Mary muttered.
Lavinia sniffed and wiped the tears away.
"I don't know how much it was in the end; I just know it would've cost my father everything he had. I questioned Sir Richard why he would just forgive the debt…he said that with proof of MPs using taxpayer funds to fund their lifestyles…he would sell more papers and make more profit than what my father owed him." Lavinia stated.
"Right." Mary nodded.
Another silence passed between them, only this time it was of understanding rather than awkwardness. Both women looked at each other, Lavinia feeling relief and Mary feeling sympathy.
"I suppose you'll tell Matthew…" Lavinia sighed.
"No." Mary replied.
Lavinia's expression changed from defeat to surprise.
"Why?"
Mary smiled reassuringly. In truth, Rosamund was encouraging her to spill everything they had witnessed to Matthew, along with the rumours that Rosamund had relayed to Mary weeks ago about Lavinia's involvement in the 2009 parliamentary expenses scandal. But Mary felt it wasn't her place. If she told Matthew, it would be seen as her attempt to come between Matthew and Lavinia, with the goal of breaking them up. As much as she knew that she was confused about her feelings for Matthew, she did know that she wanted him to be happy.
"I think it should come from you, if you choose to tell him." Mary stated.
"Do you think I should tell him?" Lavinia asked.
She hadn't been expected to be asked that question. As Mary took a pause, she thought over what Lavinia was asking of her. Was it her place to advise Lavinia the best course of action? Was it her place to tell Lavinia what she should or shouldn't do?
Ultimately, no, it wasn't her place.
If she told Lavinia what to do or what not to do, it would still be seen as involving herself in a relationship that had nothing to do with her.
"Lavinia…it's not my place to tell you what to do-"
"What would you do if it were you in my place?" Lavinia interrupted.
Mary exhaled heavily, starting to feel a little frustrated as her heart paced quicker. She took a breath and tried to push her annoyance, trying to remember that Lavinia had come to her for a reason and was asking for help or advice.
"If it were me…I would tell him the truth...just because if it were me, I would feel as if I had caught him with a lie…" Mary sighed.
Lavinia blinked but said nothing. But Mary could tell by the look on the redhead's face that she was processing what she had been told. Just before Lavinia could reply, Matthew entered the office, returning from running his errand.
"Lavinia, darling, are you okay?" Matthew asked.
"Yes…I just needed to talk with Mary…" Lavinia mumbled.
"Oh? Is everything alright?"
Mary nodded and gave a polite smile.
"Yes. Why don't you two head home and start your weekend? I'll finish up here." She suggested.
"Don't you have plans?" Lavinia asked.
"I do. But I'm not in a rush to start them." Mary replied.
As Matthew placed his arm around Lavinia, Mary met his gaze and frowned, unable to read the expression on Matthew's face.
"Have a nice weekend with Tony." He said quietly.
With that, Mary watched the engaged couple walk out of the door.
oOo
On the following Monday after her weekend with Tony, Mary knocked on the door of Anna's flat equipped with a bottle of wine. When her best friend opened the door and showed her in, she felt a sense of relief where she could let out everything that she had held together all weekend. She followed her best friend into the living room, taking a seat on the sofa as she took her coat off.
"Looks like you had a troubled weekend?" Anna asked.
"I wouldn't call it troubled, more clarifying." Mary replied.
"Oh?"
Mary opened the wine as Anna crossed her flat to the tiny kitchen to get some wine glasses. As Mary popped open the lid, she took a glass from Anna and started to pour.
"I spent the entire weekend with Tony."
"Lucky Tony. So, how was it clarifying?" Anna asked.
Mary handed the now full glass to her best friend and started to pour some wine into the other, taking a few moments to think of how to word just how she had made her decision on Tony.
Their weekend had been filled with talking, laughter, kissing and eventually, they'd had sex. The morning after, she'd woken up to Tony discussing their future together. He had told her that he wanted to marry her as soon as he could, how he would expect her to quit her job and go travelling with him before they continued helping his parents reform and repair his ancestral home. How they would have a bunch of kids and be happy.
She had once been proposed to and failed to give an answer because she had been told she was too young to be tied down with a husband. Her break-up with Matthew had been hard and she regretted not clarifying why she was mumbling about them being so young. She had known that she wanted to be Matthew's wife in the future, she loved him enough to envision that future with him, but she had felt that twenty was too young when they both had a lot to get through with their education and future employment prospects. If she had explained herself or been allowed to explain, she may have been married now at twenty-four. She might have been pregnant with hers and Matthew's first child.
Her past relationships had been disastrous. Kemal was merely a distraction from her heartache, he had provided her with a taste of rough sex and good times that involved partying and drinking at exclusive clubs that she didn't usually frequent. With Henry, her relationship had been great. She truly cared for Henry, she knew that if circumstances had allowed, she could've fallen in love with him. But Henry raced cars for a living, he travelled across the world for his job, and she was stuck in a tiny office in London working a 9-5 job managing her ancestral family estate. She spent her weekends hosting events at Downton or having a personal life. Eventually, long distance had taken its toll on her relationship with Henry.
And now, literally right after she and Tony had taken the next step, her future was being determined for her. Tony was discussing marriage after weeks of casually seeing each other.
Clearing her throat, Mary placed the wine bottle on the coffee table and shuffled to get comfortable on Anna's sofa. She turned to her best friend and smiled sadly.
"Tony and I aren't compatible long term." She stated.
Anna frowned.
"Why?"
"Well, we…eventually had sex and…"
Anna nodded sympathetically.
"It wasn't great, was it?" her friend sighed.
"It was fine…I mean not the best I've ever had…" Mary muttered.
"I don't need to know the ins and outs of what happened. But, you did…erm…"
Mary shook her head.
"It's not just that. The morning after, I woke up and he was talking about how he wanted to marry me as soon as possible because he loved me. That he wanted me to quit my job and go travelling before coming home and helping him restore his family seat. How many kids we'll eventually end up with." She complained.
"You've only been seeing him a short while." Anna scoffed.
"I know. I do like him, he's so nice. But he wants this large family and marriage soon. I'm not sure if that's what I want." Mary sighed.
Anna took a swig of her wine and swallowed quickly.
"Okay so Tony is pushing his foot on the accelerator, and you want to hit the brakes. Just what is it you want from a relationship Mary?" Anna asked curiously.
"Don't get me wrong, in the future I would like marriage and children. Maybe two or three at most. But I want someone who will make me happy and consider what I want. It's almost like Tony has completely changed now I've slept with him. What I want is to be heard and listened to. I want someone who will argue with me on all the important things but still consider my point of view. Not someone who just makes all the decisions and tells me how my life will be." Mary replied.
"Have you talked to Tony about this?"
Mary shook her head.
"Not yet, but I plan to."
Anna nodded and took another swig from her wine glass before placing it down on the table.
"I think you need to. Whatever it is you decide, you need to be honest with him."
"I agree," Mary added, "I can't be with Tony if he's deciding what my life will look like. I like deciding my own fate."
Anna smiled sympathetically and the two women drank their wine, put on the TV and caught up watching the soaps.