Our sixteenth birthday had come and gone, as did Christmas and the New Year season soon after. Six full months had flown by and the order had nearly finished a grueling year at Hogwarts.
In that time we'd all grown noticeably stronger.
The Jade Rabbits trained with Niime and her Yaga cousin, developed more of the nightclub in Paris and continued to build up the ASP label. Al had released a few more hit singles while at school and introduced his new band to the public under the name of the order itself.
Max played base, Al and I were on guitar and vocals, Lily played the keyboard and Izanagi, much to everyone's surprise had taken up the drums. Louis ran the stage production and his sister the overall label. Al's fans weren't thrilled at first over the idea, but after a few songs as a band they got used to it. It wasn't until Al and I had written an EP to be released during the winter holiday that the group really took off the way Al had as a solo artist.
Hermione and Ron were naturally furious over our growing public profile while Al's dad wasn't too thrilled with the notoriety either. Surprisingly Ginny and my Father were rather 'chill' with the attention. Of course they never once allowed us to slack on our studies despite how much time our music endeavors consumed.
In the intervening six months the spanish wizarding revolt had become a full blown civil war. It grew progressively more difficult from that point to disguise the appearance of the conflict towards the muggles. To make matters worse, Spain had become somewhat of a proxy fight, the French pouring resources into the Tercios faction and the British ministry supporting the standing progressive government in Spain.
It was beneath this backdrop of private success and international termoil that our fifth year of schooling neared its end…
Victoire POV
I held up a stethoscope to my younger cousin's pearlescent skin, asking him for the fifth time to breathe in deeply. He sat shirtless on the stiff fabric of a hospital wing bed, his emerald eyes darting away from me each time they'd caught me staring. I pulled the stethoscope away from him and tried taking his pulse instead.
"What exactly are you doing to yourself Al?"
"Boss to you I think. Although I'm not sure what you mean..." He returned haughtily.
I raised an eyebrow at him the way our nan might.
"I'm not just your cousin or the order's medic… i'm your doctor… I can tell you're doing something to yourself magically… I want to know what. When was the last time you slept?"
"Last night…"
"For how long?" I demanded, feeling the erratic fluttering of his heart beat.
"Forty five minutes…"
"Are you joking? And how much the night before?"
"Maybe… a half an hour…" He returned guiltily.
"The one prior to that?"
"Maybe twenty minutes…"
"Does Scorpius know you're using some kind of font magic to… well... do whatever it is you're doing to yourself?"
I watched as tears sprang to his eyes then, a kind of defeat and exhaustion descending upon him. Could he really have hidden this from his siamese twin?
"Tell me Allie. Like I said, i'm your bloody doctor. I need to know."
"He doesn't know... and nor will you tell him. In fact, as your prince, I forbid you from speaking a word of this to anyone." He commanded imperiously. I felt the pendant around my neck glow hot as a rare order bound me to obey the young boy without question.
"Damn you Al… alright… speak then… my prince."
"So… I may be… borrowing… some of the life-force available to me… from the tail end of my… well existence… I'm using it to train and compose and plan and learn… just… basically a lot faster."
Shock and horror filled me as the implication of my sweet cousins words sunk in.
"Borrowing from the end of your life… so… shortening it? You mean… for… us? For the order? Or for Scorpius?" I demanded enraged. "Who allowed you to do this? Who would fathom accepting your sacrifice if they knew this had been the price? Didn't you already burn off a year or more for our benedictions? Your heart and lungs are a mess. You may be healing yourself faster than the damage can accumulate… but there will be a repercussion someday. There always is. The signs are showing."
"Yes… and as you so eloquently put it… that price will be paid at the end of my life… I've nothing to worry about for decades still… at least not if my calculations are correct."
"Sod that! Tell that same line to Scor and see what he has to say about it. What would Lilly or Alex or Louis say? Or any of the others for that matter? You're spitting in our face by risking your own health."
"It is for you all that I'm doing this…"
"For us? You're our leader? We need our leader, imbécile."
"What kind of leader would I be if i didn't do absolutely everything in my power to protect my own."
"I don't know, a NOT dead one maybe?"
He rolled his eyes at me obnoxiously.
"Does he know you're in love with him then? Clearly there's some love magic at play here… does your best friend know about any of this? Will he forgive you do you think? When he realizes you made him out to be an utter fool."
Emerald eyes flashed suddenly molten red, like glowing rubies in the gloom. A cold energy began to seep from the boys skin as the room grew cold and dark in the wake of his magic. It felt like a dementor had suddenly wandered into the hospital wing, it's haunting veil trailing whisplike across my skin..
"I don't plan to ever die Vicky… so I can burn as much of my old age as I wish… I'm this close to freezing my aging completely… What harm can befall me if I achieve what I believe I can? I can burn ninety-nine percent of my existence away... as long as I don't age, I won't die."
"There's always a cost! You are damaging yourself! For our sake! It's to you we've all pledged our loyalty… you shouldn't be…"
"Protecting you all? Growing up so fast? Working so hard? Burning my own life force? Have I stumbled into some alternate universe where Victoire Weasley is head of the order instead of me? I think not, beautiful cousin mine. I think not. Now I suggest you get back to your actual job. You've done impeccable work on all fronts up until now. I need you to continue that work as the opening of The Jade Fortress draws near."
"Damn you sometimes Al. At least tell me someone else in the order knows about this? Give me that small reassurance. Please, you're my family too. Rosie? or Lou?"
He paused and sighed, doing up the buttons on his shirt as he rose to look into a standing mirror. once the shirt had been closed he ran a hand through his hair, rearranging the strands more to his liking.
"Raven is… aware of my nightly activities… and the… toll… they take on me… You may speak to him about my health should anything become more severe. Until then, not a word to anyone else."
"There you are Al. How's the patient Doc?" A familiar voice queried as the curtains were drawn open along their rails. Scorpius Malfoy had always had such a perfected control over his emotions. The only time I ever saw that mask falter was around my cousin. Scor beamed a kind of boyish excitement as soon as he caught sight of the beautiful brunet, his smile a radiant and handsome thing to watch.
"Fit as a fiddle. Right Vic?" Al replied, turning to beam back at Scorpius.
"Did I ask you anything twit? I think i'll wait to hear it from the professional's mouth, thank you very much." The young Malfoy heir demanded, moving instinctively to tie the green tie around Al's neck when he'd noticed it remained undone.
"Just as boss man says. Fit as the devil's fiddle…" I lied, the spellwork of my oath compelling me to answer as I had. My lips had danced in a slave like obeisance, controlled by the order's magic.
"See, I told you. Now what was so important that you couldn't wait for me to get back to the dorms?"
"Rose says the Muramasa's have located the tome of Fate. It is in one of the imperial shrines near Kyoto."
"That's fantastic news! You'll have a second tome now for yourself."
"You mean if i don't get erased in my attempt at reading it…"
Al waived a hand in the air dismissively although we both knew Al was feigning his courage. He was terrified of the idea that the tome might damage his best friend. Everyone in the order knew that.
"Yes, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now let's hear what Rose has to say. See you later cousin Vicky. Thanks for the check up."
I nodded and turned to clean up the testing kits i'd used to examine the boy, listening to their cute banter as they retreated towards the exit. 'How can anyone not think those two are an item?' I wondered to myself.
APOV
"Oh by the way, I completely forgot to ask. Where were you last night? I woke up to use the loo and you were gone."
"Oh… I couldn't sleep… so I took a little wander around the grounds."
"You should have woken me. I'd have been more than happy to come with you. We used to love sneaking out of the castle when we were little."
"You've been tired lately. I didn't want to disturb you…"
"Sometimes I don't wonder if you're a little too considerate to be a Slytherin. I wouldn't hesitate to wake you If i had trouble sleeping."
I grew quiet as we walked, fixing my gaze at the tops of my feet.
Should I try and get it over with now? Let's test how he'd take it…
"Scor? Out of curiosity... you wouldn't be… mad… if you found out I'd been keeping things from you, would you? For a good reason I mean." I asked nervously, almost wincing as the words tumbled from my mouth.
He continued to walk alongside me but grew quiet for a good long while. The cobblestones came and went beside the sounds of rowdy students and the occasional screech of a mail owl.
"Depends… We talking a secret girlfriend here? Or something more serious? Like that comment you made months ago about benedictions blooming? I'm still waiting for an explanation about that one..."
This time I grew quiet, fidgeting slightly with the rings on my finger. I clasped my left forearm with my right hand, a sheepish gesture that betrayed my nervousness to anyone perceptive enough to notice.
I took a deep breath and led him into an empty charms classroom, readying myself for a fight. I closed the door and locked it, moving to hop myself up onto a desk. I leaned backwards, putting my weight gracefully onto my hands as I looked up at the ceiling. I watched the little floating leaf shaped fan blades spin magically in a clockwise dance, Professor Flitwick's charm propelling the elegant pieces round and round. Anything to avoid looking at Scor.
"Rip off the bandaid Al. Lets get this over with." He ordered, coming to stand right in front of me.
"Right… so I knew our order was comprised of already extremely talented magic users… but … well… felt that they would need to be truly exceptional to survive the coming conflicts…"
"What did you do Al? Spit it out."
"I used Love magic to plant benedictions into their… well their souls… unique gifts that would mature and blossom with them. Reflections of their… inner selves. Mostly the energy came from within them… but the seeds did require some fuel from me too... "
"Like Rory's sudden talent with ice… Max's rare affinity with metal manipulation. That sort of thing?"
"Could be that exactly… Mr know it all..."
"That's extraordinarily powerful magic. Didn't your grandmother have to sacrifice her life to bless your father with a shield from killing curses? Are you saying… are you saying there was some kind of price for that?" He demanded so quietly I could barely hear him.
I nodded guiltily, breaking eye contact with him.
"What KIND of price?"
"Ok so don't get mad Scor… here's the part where it's YOUR turn to stay calm."
"Fucking spit it out, you absolute tit."
"The price was a few years of my life… off the tail end of it anyway… It's not like i'll age faster or anything like that…"
I looked back up at him and then… confusion. My vision was suddenly locked on a mannequin standing over at the far right side of the room. My left cheek was burning where he'd struck me. My whole head had shifted at the force of the blow. I turned back to him slowly, anger, guilt, and fear bubbling inside me. He raised his hand to slap me again but before the blow could land, his appendage froze several inches away from my face. I had stalled his momentum, wandlessly, wordlessly, without any movement of my hands. Only a flick of my eyes had been required.
"Do not… hit me again… Scor." I ordered gruffly. He drew back for a third time and struck me, bypassing my attempt to stall the movement as I had done before.
I tried to jump up from the desk but he pulled me off balance before I could. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and spun me towards the wall of the chamber. I was suddenly forced back, thrust up against the rough stones with such force that I had the wind knocked out of me.
"Who do you think you are? How dare you do something like that without consulting me."
"Excuse me? It's my life. I'll do as I…" I watched his fist pull back before it launched like a rocket into the space beside my head. I heard the crack as his fingers broke from the violence of the impact. He winced and simply pulled back his hand to fire off another sickly blow in quick succession to the first.
More cracks as the damaged digits splintered beneath flesh.
"Stop it! What are you doing!?"
Tears welled up in those ocean blues, his grimace a horrid sight to watch. He drew back for a third time just as he had done earlier to slap me. I called on all my might to shield his hand, struggled to get out of the pinned hold I was in.
"Oh, just hurting myself. It's my life isn't it? Why should it matter to you?"
"PLEASE STOP!" I shrieked when his bloody knuckles tried for a fourth round. Tiny specks of blood splatted against my cheek where the flesh tore. There was no crack this time, just the sound of mushy tissue thudding on rock. I hadn't managed to stop him.
"HELP! HELLLLP! SOMEBOD—"
My call was interrupted when his left arm rose from my chest to my throat, cutting off my airflow. He pushed slowly against my windpipe, choking me slightly in the process.
"Don't you realize my hand will heal? Your life force won't!"
"PL-E—A-S-E" I croaked out meekly. "I'm begging you Scor..."
Hideous nausea struck me when my beautiful Scor's mangled fist climbed once more in slow motion. That's when I called upon my Rhoynar magic, abandoning all semblance of restraint or caution. I could feel my eyes shift pink this time instead of red, could feel the ancient power of my font bubbling forth inside me.
"Tollé dolorem in mé!"
Scor registered my pain when a feeble, desperate little whimper escaped me. I'd involuntarily cried out like a small animal when the damage spread out along my flesh instead of his. I'd protected him from injury, but the cost was to assume his pain for myself.
Horror bled through him when he looked down to see blood was now dripping from my fingers as well as his.
Emerald's met sapphires in tearful anguish as we shared our frustration and pain.
"How fucking dare you!" The handsome boy cursed, withdrawing his arm to choke me instead. His claw like grip tightened around my skin and I didn't know what to feel.
"Better… me… than… you…" I rasped, water pooling heavily into streams that trickled down my cheeks.
He shoved me gruffly as he released, turning his back on me to storm away. I fell to my knees, sobs overwhelming me at the sound of the door slamming shut. He'd fled leaving me to my pain. What would he think if I chose to ever tell him the rest? Would he hate me? Would he kill our friendship? The grounds were a medley of flower petals and blossoms as the spring flora bloomed into being. Everywhere new life was emerging to rejoice over the death of winter, yet I experienced only heartache. It was the kind of heartache that had plagued me since i'd discovered my feelings for Scor went beyond what I deserved. Beyond normal friendship. These awful pangs i felt in my chest made my months of sleepless ardor seem trivial by comparison. The tole on my health was nothing next to this. I wordlessly signed an album cover for a group of first year girls who'd cornered me in the courtyard. I made it out to them by name but politely declined a selfie request from the the tallest of the three when she'd failed to take a hint. It was the Hufflepuff of the trio who had noticed my mood and mercifully made excuses for her parties intrusion into my walk.
"I promise it's no bother... enjoy your evening girls." I managed, dropping my fake smile as soon as the last of them had gone.
I found the love of my life hours later in our room, cradling a bandaged mess against his chest from the cushions on his bed.
I lay down on my disheveled blankets, unsure of how i should even broach the subjec—
—"I'm sorry for striking you Al. I'll… i'll never do that again… Please forgive me."
I stared over at the blond, blinking at the idiot in disbelief. His back was still turned but I knew he meant it.
Just like that? Is it even possible?
"Do you forgive me?" I whispered, willing him to turn and face me. To my surprise he did.
"You're done selling your life-force right? You've not made a habit of it… have you?"
I stared at the grumpy creature, incapable of lying to him as I so dearly wished to do.
"Because if you promise you're not thinking of doing it again… i'll be able to forgive you."
"If not?" I demanded coldly.
"Then I think… that's it for our friendship."
I waited for him to elaborate but he just lay there quietly. Resolute…
"Of course I had to go and address this today! Fucking Victoire shouldn't have offered her opinion. I would have kept quiet otherwise."
"You'd have continued to lie to me?"
"I didn't lie!"
"An omission is still a lie! You know that!"
"Fine! I've been selling time off my lifespan for a while now. I don't sleep. Barely eat… I train at night, compose at night, plan and study at night, do order paperwork… all when i'm supposed to be sleeping. Vicky says its severely affected my health… even though I've been burning life-force to maintain my energy… ok? there! No more omissions! Are you satisfied?"
I expected him to begin reprimanding me. I expected him to yell, to scold, to rage. I expected him to vent, fume, storm… instead he turned his back to me once more. It wasn't until my brain registered what I was actually hearing that I realized why he'd done it.
Sobs. He had hoped to hide the soft quiet crying that followed.
Scor so rarely indulged in the act that it shook me to my core to hear the sounds that leaked from his side of the chamber. I rose quickly to close the distance between us, sliding next to my best friend without a moments hesitation.
"Don't… d-don't do it anymore… ok Al? Please… for me… just stop…" He pleaded softly, refusing to shift so that I could see him.
"Ok Scor… unless it's an absolute emergency… I promise I… I promise I won't."
"Won't what?"
"Won't hurt myself… won't… shorten our time together…"
"You know it's sick Al… it's not right what you did… It's so w-warped… I don't e-even k-know where to start."
"I'm sorry… I know it was... Can you forgive me?"
I lay my hand on his arm, letting him know that I was there for him. He brushed me off violently, as though my very touch were sickening to him.
"You jumped in front of the Keeper for me, you jumped in front of Lilith's killing curse in the depths of Merlin's tomb… you're burning yourself to the quick to better prepare the order… this isn't… this can't be all for me… can it?" He whispered into his pillow. I froze, panic seizing me like a tangle of ashwinder snakes coiling around me.
This time he shifted to look up at me, tears staining his face. His expression only tightened the constricting sensation of serpents, a kind of pressure closing in all around me.
"If this is love… you can have it… because frankly I hate this feeling. I'm always afraid of losing you… always petrified that you'll… abandon me… somehow thinking it would be for my benefit. You make me… sometimes you just make me want to die Albus… when you don't make me feel the most alive i've ever felt… you make me want to die…"
SPOV
I watched a million thoughts race through his lightning quick mind. He was calculating what I meant, what I might mean, what he should say back. 'Keep your love to yourself'
"I think… you're forgetting your own acts Scor… you snapped your primus for me… you fought the Tork alongside me… you… tried to come to my rescue instead of Raven in Baciu Tarn… you would have faced Ancalagon for me had your father not detained you… Alex told me the only reason he came in your stead was because… well… anyway… I'm just saying you don't really have the right to…"
"To blame you for your feelings?" I spat harshly. I reached out for his cheek, pulling him down to my mouth with my uninjured limb. He couldn't resist the deep kisses I began, the sensual bite on his lower lip, the dance of my tongue against him. "You can't resist. You're too lost in me to even deny it anymore!" I cursed when I pulled back.
"Don't… be… absurd! I know you're planning on reading the Tome of Fate when we retrieve it next week… don't make this about something its not… I'm the one who's terrified… terrified you're not strong enough to handle what's coming… Your fears about me? Come off it! I don't love you like that ok? So stop accusing me of it. You're the one who's taken to kissing me lately… you're the one who sneaks glances at me when I shower or change… you're the one contemplating the very thing you fear I might want from you… I can feel it in your pulse… in your heartbeat when you look at me… besides… it's not even about that for Ashera's sake! I just think you're fucking weak ok? Too weak to keep up with me… and I'd rather not see you die because of it… So yeah… maybe I am doing this extra training and planning for you… but it doesn't mean what you think it does… get over yourself Scor."
I bristled at the insults, not pausing to wonder if it had all been a ruse. He tried extricating himself from my bed but anger overcame me. I flipped myself above him, risking injury to my bandaged digits as I pinned him beneath my body.
"Weak? Me weak? Have you lost the fucking plot mate? I'm your equal… the only person who can compete with you… who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Get off me Scor… or you thinking of kissing me again?" He taunted, pointing his chin slightly up at me. The movement had been accusation more than provocation.
How dare he suggest that I'm the one who…
"You're the one in the wrong here… you're just making excuses for taking liberties with your health… Stop deflecting!"
"Scorpius! I order you to cease…" He stopped… realizing he had no such spellwork in place to command me.
I almost slapped him before I'd remembered my earlier promise.
"I'd fucking beat you like a rug for that if I hadn't just promised to never strike you again. So do not EVER presume to command me again… Got it?" I cursed. He blinked furiously, his skin reddening at the realization that he'd made a grave mistake. It was possibly the gravest mistake of his life.
"I'm… I… ok… I'm sorry for that…"
"You bet your ass you are. Going to try the imperious curse on me next? You know, right after selling some more life force? Maybe some blood sacrifices to the dark god on the side? "
"NO! Of course not! Scor… i'm so sorry ok?" He shot, closing his eyes tightly to avoid my judgement.
"I'm Scor! Your Scor! Not your slave. Why has it become so complicated between us? This isn't… this isn't like it used to be… it's not even…"
"Not even what? Fun anymore? Screw you Scor… plan on letting me up from here anytime soon?"
"I am going to read that tome AL… and you better hope it doesn't make me as strong as you think you are yourself…"
"Oh is that a threat?"
"Yeah it is … maybe i'll use my power the way you used yours… just like with my hand today… you think there isn't time magic I could use against you? You think I've told you everything that's available to me from prince Avalon's text?"
His attention flew to my gauze wrapped fingers, a frisson ghosting across his skin at the sight. For the first time in his life I saw fear gnawing inside him. Not the fear of himself I was used to. Not the fear of others rejection. Fear of another's power.
We both let the silence and anger wash over us, our eyes locked together in a battle of wills. The only sound that trickled through the space was that of the spinning fan blades and the rustling of curtains as cool air blew back and forth across the room. We both softened the longer we remained frozen, a kind of exhaustion taking over in place of adrenaline.
"—I'm sorry Scor."
"—I'm sorry Al."
We tossed out at the same time.
I rolled my eyes.
"Ugh you infuriate me—"
"Ugh you infuriate me—"
"—I infuriate you?!"
"—I infuriate you?!"
"Stop doing that!"
"Stop doing that!"
We shouted gruffly in unison.
Boyish laughter came tumbling from our lips as the hilarity of our situation became too obvious to deny. We laughed and laughed, me rolling off of him to lay at his side. My injured arm rose to my forehead to rest there as the fit racked our lungs. The heavy chuckles finally subsided, until we faced each other and the process began anew.
Finally a kind of calm settled in the empty space and I knew we'd be ok.
"Am I really no fun anymore?" The adorable boy asked, a pouty disappointment staining his face. 'He's so girlish sometimes…' I thought examining him. How can he still be shy around me… even after all this time? And why did I… why do I want to kiss him more and more?' I asked myself, staring at those plump red lips. His accusation stung now at my pride.
"Only sometimes" I teased.
"Well you're never fun. And… You're staring again…" He whispered…
"You stare all the time Al..."
"Do not. Not... anymore anyway..." He offered out of embarrassment.
"Maybe you do that when you're supposed to be sleeping... just like everything else..." I accused.
"I promised I wouldn't again... so can you drop it?"
"I'm so tempted to lay into you over this... but yes... I'll drop it... you promised... so I... believe you."
"It was stupid to sell any part of myself... but it seemed to cost nothing each time... I barely felt it... I've been able to study, train, do investment research..."
"Write the new songs everyone's so obsessed with?"
I watched him nod silently.
I pulled his cheek towards me in the way I would when we kissed, except this time I pulled away when he leaned in for it.
"The last i'll say on the issue is this... do you have any idea how many times i've wanted to test a certain scenario with you? Or one with the order? Or your family? Or the ministry officials? Or my family? We're talking dark things that would benefit me immensely... things that I could only attempt if I knew for certain I could rewind the time afterwards. I could know for certain what you feel for me, I could know for certain how to manipulate your parents and the government, test which of our friends might betray us... test how best to bend you and everyone else to my benefit. Yet I don't. What i'm saying is... You did to me... what I could so easily to do you... and the terrifying thing is... you'd NEVER know it... Understand?"
My eyes flashed blue as I set a temporal field around us. I let the magic lapse but the boy would always wonder if id done something in that time that he had no knowledge of. Something that would erase itself as the world moved backwards to the flash of blue. A little bubble of uncertainty.
"I'm... really sorry. On my life... i'll never use font magic without discussing it with you first..."
I nodded quietly, letting our foreheads knock together.
"Ok... Ok..."