Though it was tempting, Lux refused to allow herself to cry every time she thought about Fulk, and the secrets he had divulged to her that day in his classroom. It broke her heart, the expression he wore as he explained his story, why he was the way he was.
It made so much sense, when she thought about it clearly. Now she understood why he was so protective of her in the Coven, but no to Odo, or Adelais, or any of the other bodily younger vampires. It was because she reminded him of his precious Edith. A woman abused, just as she had been.
While she had the urge to question Fulk more about his past, about his stories, she managed to resist. She didn't want to make him upset, after all.
She only shed a tear once, during a studying session with Remus almost a month after their conversation, when her mind wandered and she realized what he had implied to her.
He loved her.
Fulk had never said those words, nor had she, but she knew. Love, such a strange, useless emotion, she'd always told herself. She'd loved Elias, and where had that gotten her? But just because she refused to voice her love, there was no denying it, not any further. She loved Fulk, just as she had loved her mother and father as a human. Maybe even more. After all, he had centuries with her, compared to the mere sixteen years she'd had with her birth parents.
"Are you okay?" Remus glanced over at her from where he was sitting, going over his Transfiguration essay. She knew she wasn't supposed to be talking to him, but Fulk was wrong about Remus having the ability to hurt her. She'd just make sure he didn't find out. Not that she trusted Remus fully, of course, but…
"Yes." She nodded, refusing to meet his eye. "Why would I not be?"
"You look upset."
She shrugged. "I'm fine, Remus."
"If you're sure…" He looked back down on his essay, though his attention didn't last for long, when James appeared behind him, wrapping his arms around Remus's neck from behind and hugging him tight.
"Moonyyyyy!" He cried, as though he hadn't seen his best friend in several heartbreaking years. Off to the side, Peter hovered, watching with a nervous expression, like he so often wore. "You missed the Quidditch match!"
"Did I?" Remus arched an eyebrow, though he clearly wasn't miffed about it. "Did you guys win?"
"Did we win? Of course we bloody won! We're fucking Gryffindor!"
"Shh!" Pince scolded from where she sat at her desk, glaring at the group through her circular glasses. "Be quiet or I'll kick you out!"
"Sorry!" James whisper-shouted back at the librarian, though he didn't seem sorry at all. Reverting his attention back to Remus, he gave him the best impression of puppy dog eyes that he could. "Come on, Moons, why didn't you come? Or is Lux here stealing you away from your best mates?"
"Leave me out of this." Lux grumbled. "I'm not stealing Remus from anyone."
"Well, he's spending his time with you instead of at the match, so you must be doing something to distract him." Peter interjected.
"Shut up, Pete." Remus glared at him, and the boy flinched. "I just didn't fancy seeing Black playing, that's all. He should've been kicked off the team — expelled, actually."
At the mention of Sirius, James recoiled, releasing his grip he had around Remus, and stepping backwards. "I suppose that makes sense. Well…I wish you had come."
"Can I make it up to you?" His eyebrows jumped up.
"There's a party. Sirius won't be there — I told him to finish his overdue essays in our dorms."
"And he listened?"
"Well…I told him you deserved to go to a party without him there, making everything uncomfortable. He agreed."
Remus's jaw shifted, and he glanced over at Lux. "We can finish our essays later."
Her eyebrows jumped up. "Who said anything about me going to this party? I have better things to do than hang out with a bunch of drunk Quidditch players."
"I won't be drunk." Peter pointed out. "I don't drink. Or play Quidditch…"
James patted him on the shoulder. "See, even Wormy is going. You have to go. Especially since you're practically tied at the hip to Remus now."
"I am not tied at the hip to Remus." Lux protested. "We just…have more in common than we initially thought. Which I know you're well aware of." She gave him a look, to which he sighed.
"Right, right. Who knew, it would take a near death experience to get you two to finally get along."
Remus rolled his eyes, though Lux noticed the shift in his jaw at the mention of what had occurred that night.
If only to distract him from the bubbling feelings he must've been dealing with, she pressed her lips together. "Fine. I'll go. But only because I could use some firewhiskey."
"You sure love your alcohol." Peter murmured, more to himself than to Lux, as she rose from her seat and followed the three boys down the halls, eventually emerging into the bustling Gryffindor common room.
The party was in full swing, much less depressing than previous parties Lux had attended, given the size. It was jam packed with people, just about shoulder to shoulder with each other. Only moments after they shut the portrait hole closed behind them, did a boy the year above them approach the four with a platter of firewhiskey.
"Thanks, Frank." Remus nodded at the boy — Frank, apparently, as he swiped a drink. Lux did the same, unscrewing the cap and downing a quarter of the bottle in one sip. Typically, any sensation of fire, of burning, of melting, would send her into some sort of spiral, give her flashbacks of memories she'd do anything to forget, but the firewhiskey was nothing but pleasant to her as it ran down her throat.
"Lux!" A voice called out, and she turned around just in time to see Lily making her way over to her, Mary at her side. "There you are — I've been looking everywhere for you."
"Er…why? Is everything okay?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?" Her brow furrowed together. "I wanted to see if you'd like to come visit me over the summer. My mum is taking us on a trip to France, and my sister and I get to bring a few friends. Well…I was only allowed to bring two friends, so I picked Mary and Marlene, but Petunia doesn't want to go anymore, so I can bring one more!"
"And you're inviting Lux, and not me?" James whined from next to Lux, casually sipping on his firewhiskey. "Come on, Evans, I thought we were friends."
"We'll never be friends, Potter." She spat at him, though the moment she looked back at Lux, her expression softened. "It'll be fun, don't you reckon? Have you ever been to France? I've been a few times — we have family there, you see, and it's absolutely beautiful."
"No, I haven't." Lux shook her head, mentally thinking this over. While she no longer deemed Lily to be a threat, she still hadn't determined where Mary and Marlene stood. She knew the girls didn't much like her, and spending an entire summer with them…but to say no would draw suspicion, so she simply answered with, "I'd need to ask my father."
"Right, right." Lily have her a knowing nod, her pleasant smile never wavering. "Well, let me know what Professor Ingelger says. We'd love to have you come with us."
And with that, Lily walked away, though Mary remained stationed in place, looking oddly uncertain of herself. Typically, the girl was all confidence, but suddenly, she was biting on her lip, glancing around warily.
"Is everything alright, MacDonald?" James inquired, sensing the same off vibes that Lux did.
"Yeah, yeah…" She glanced between them, her dark brown eyes eventually setting on Lux. "I just wanted to know if Sirius was alright. He said something weird to me…did you two like, break up or something?"
"We did." She stiffened, her grip on the bottle of firewhiskey she held tightening. "So I wouldn't know if he's okay or not. It's not my business."
"I see…" Mary frowned, before turning to look at Remus with raised eyebrows and a silent question written into her expression.
Remus shook his head. "Wouldn't know either. We aren't exactly on speaking terms."
"Oh." She blinked. "Well, that's probably why he's so damn depressed. Do you know any way to help him?"
Remus shrugged, his drink sloshing about as he did. "Don't know, don't care."
Lux snorted, and the corners of Remus's lips curled upwards ever so slightly.
Mary rolled her eyes. "Great friends you are." She murmured as she walked away, and while Lux had the urge to tell her off for speaking on something she hadn't a clue about, she managed to hold back, simply nursing on her drink as she attempted to calm her dead heart from racing in fury.
"Can't believe you got an invite to Lily's trip but not me." James grumbled, glaring at Lux.
"I can't help that she finds me more tolerable than you." She shrugged.
"Don't bully Prongs." Peter scolded as he rubbed James's back, as though the boy was a child about to burst into tears over breaking his favorite toy. "He can't take it. He may not seem like it, but he's fragile. Like sick puppy. Or a butterfly."
James swatted his hand away. "Am not!"
Lux rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Potter."
The music blaring overhead changed, the song shifting from a party anthem to a slower song — not necessarily one you would slow dance to, but softer, more romantic, and almost immediately, the partygoers split off into pairs, grabbing each others waists and spinning around the common room, laughing and giggling through their drunken dancing.
"May I have this dance?"
Lux frowned, spinning around to find Peter holding out a hand for her to take, eyebrows raised in a silent question.
"Of course, Pettigrew." She smirked, taking his hand. Why he wanted to dance with her, she hadn't a clue, but the alcohol had begun to seep into her system, and she found she didn't much care for his reasonings. She just wanted to dance, and Peter wasn't the worst partner to have, she figured.
He spun her around once, twice, three times, leaving her giggling, actually smiling and giggling, for the first time in what had to have been years. Peter's hands were on her waist, holding her as she laughed and laughed for no reason at all, until she felt a strong grip on her shoulder, pulling her backwards. Peter's hold on her loosened until his hands dropped entirely, and she turned around with raised eyebrows.
"Remus?" Her laughs died down at the expression he wore, one she couldn't quite pinpoint, but wasn't in any way pleasant. "What is it?"
For a long moment, he said nothing. "You're laughing."
She blinked. "Am I not allowed to laugh?"
"You never laugh."
It was her turn not to speak.
"I'm…I need to go." He sputtered.
"What?" Lux frowned as he walked away, towards the portrait hole and stalked out of the Gryffindor common room. Redirecting her attention to Peter, she bit down on her lip, suddenly no longer feeling the urge to laugh. "What happened? Did I do something."
Peter gave her a knowing smirk. "Go after him."
"What?"
"Go after him." He repeated, motioning his chin in the direction Remus had walked off in. "Go, Lux. Now."
Remus wasn't difficult to find. He was standing in the hallway just outside of the common room, leaning against the stone wall with a muggle cigarette in his mouth between his parted lips. He held it up with two fingers, letting out a breath of smoke when he removed it from its position, glancing up at Lux's arrival.
"Mind if I join you?" She nudged towards the empty space next to him.
He shrugged, and she did just that, pressing her back against the wall like he was.
"That's a filthy habit." She commented, scrunching her nose as he took another drag from the cigarette. "Where'd you even get those? Do you just carry them around with you?"
"Something like that, yeah. You never know when you might need one."
For a long moment, neither of them said a word, simply basking in the atmosphere the other emitted.
Eventually, Remus broke the bliss, with a deep breath and a gulp. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? For what?"
He turned to look at her, his head resting against the wall and his cigarette still perched in his fingers, though it was removed from his lips. "I called you a slag, over Christmas. That was…that was fucked up of me. I'm sorry."
She shrugged, though she couldn't mask the surprise in her expression. "It's not a big deal. I've been called worse."
"That doesn't make it okay." He took another drag from his cigarette, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments, before meeting her gaze once again. "I was angry at myself, so I took it out on you. I wasn't sure why, until now."
She arched her eyebrows.
"I shouldn't have kissed you, that day in detention." He continued, breathing deep. "If anything, I'm the slag. Not you. I'm the slag, I'm the arsehole, getting mad seeing you with other people when I'm the one who's been a right prat to you."
Her dead heart skipped a beat.
"Of course you'd go after Sirius, or Peter, when they've been nothing but kind to you. Why would you want me, after all the shit I've called you? After I nearly killed you?"
"I'm not going after Peter." Was all she could think of saying, though she could hardly hear herself through the pounding of her heart and the ringing in her ears. "I don't…I don't fancy Peter. He's my friend, that's all."
"You danced with him."
"He asked. Friends can dance with each other, I don't see the problem."
"Friends? That's all you are?"
"Bloody hell, Remus, yes. We're just friends."
His jaw shifted, as he placed the cigarette back in his mouth, blowing out a long puff of smoke.
"Do you not believe me?" Lux demanded.
"I didn't say that." He placed the cigarette against the stone wall, putting it out, before dropping it to the ground without a care. "It's just — fuck, do you know how hard it is, to want someone who doesn't want you back?"
"Who says I don't want you?" She tilted her head to the side, her voice impossibly quiet, barely even a whisper. With every word she let slip, bravery swelled in her chest, the admission of the feelings she'd done her best to bury sliding out. The passion she'd felt with Remus, the burning embers of a fire about to catch, was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Even with Elias, with the boy she'd loved so dearly, she hadn't experienced pure, unrelenting passion.
"Lux…" He breathed, lowering his voice to her level. He was so close now, that his breath brushed against her neck, and a shudder ran down her spine. "Don't say something you can't take back."
She opened her mouth, but before anything could come out, the portrait hole swung open, and out stumbled Sirius Black, nursing a bottle of firewhiskey in one hand, and rubbed his forehead with the other.
For a long moment, the boy didn't seem to notice them, until his attention pivoted towards them, and his brow furrowed. "What are you two doing here?"
"None of your fucking business, Black." Remus growled, as though the wolf in him was about to break free, and Sirius flinched, though when his eyes met Lux for the briefest of moments with a plea written into his face, she also felt herself cave in. He'd seen her at her most vulnerable, in so many different ways, and now he thought he could look at her like that? After what he'd done?
"Moony—"
"I'm going back to the party." Lux straightened her posture, and with a quick glance at Sirius, she spat. "Don't follow me."