"How are you doing there Mr Dad?"
"Just fine" He whispered pulling both children closer, who were now snoozing gently and contentedly, "I'm doing just fine"
oOo
Later that night, once the children were in bed they'd decided to watch a movie on the sofa and Hermione came down from putting the children to bed, to find that Severus had done the washing up, tidied the living room and was now once again flicking through the information that the Doctor had given him.
"Do you want to talk about it ?" She asked him, gesturing to the information in his hands.
"What are the rainbows for?" He asked her quietly. It was a deflection, not an answer, but it was on topic and not avoiding the conversation entirely, and as she had no need to push him she went with it.
"It's a pride flag" From his confused look, it was clear that she was going to have to expand further on that answer to satisfy him. Sex education in the wizarding world really was absolutely shite, she summarised.
"So basically, the LGBTQ+ community can fly, use or wear the rainbow flag to display their pride in who they are and in their sexuality. It's also used by people who are not in the community but are allies, to show support of the community or used in businesses and such to show that this is a safe space where people in the community would be welcomed and accepted, in pubs and clubs and the like, well anything I suppose really."
She pointed to one of the flags. "This is the traditional rainbow flag, it was the first one and is commonly known as the 'gay pride' flag, though now it is generally used to refer not just to gay men, but for the LGBTQ+ community as a whole as it's the most recognisable to the general public"
Looking at the confused look on his face, she could tell what his next question was going to be so she answered it pre-emptively. "LGBTQ+ of course stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer and every other sexuality or gender identity that falls into that category. And by that I mean anything other than Hetereosexual. Each gender identity and sexuality has it's own version of the pride flag, O-Mine, is the Bisexual flag-" She had almost said ours. Before realising that was really very presumptuous of her. "And that is this one, Pink, Purple and Blue" She pointed to one of the smaller decals on the page.
"So much acceptance and tolerance" His voice was soft , as his fingers traced the words on the pages.
Her face softened into a sad smile. She placed her hand on his arm. "There is. In the muggle world at least. Don't get me wrong, there will always be people that are less than accepting or sometimes outright cruel, but I think you'll find the majority of people nowadays are much more welcoming, tolerant and accepting…or alternatively simply unbothered and uncaring about what people do in their private lives. It has become so normalised in muggle society that most people don't bat an eyelid. There's also same sex marriage now. And I think it's starting to bleed through into the wizarding world too with the amount of muggleborn and halfblood students. There were a number of openly gay or lesbian students when I was at Hogwarts. Things have changed a lot in the past 20 years Severus"
Dark eyes scanned the pages and he seemed deeply contemplative, despite that it seemed like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, but there was also an aura of sadness around him and she wondered what was causing it.
"Was there ever anyone…for you?" It escaped her before she could hold it back, her damned curiosity got the better of her and she regretted it the second she said it.
She went to apologise and tell him he didn't have to dignifty her with a response, but to her surprise he'd actually began to answer her.
"Once. Almost…I…I don't think I could quite accept or understand it at the time"
Instantly she quieted and waited for him to speak. Severus would never volunteer anything that he didn't want to, so she knew on some level that he needed to talk about it, say it out loud if only to understand it and process it himself.
"It was when I was at school…Reggie. He was in the year below me, and so different from the others. Never said a bad word against me, stood up for me against the others."
She gave him a small smile and stroked his arm. She knew school had been hell for him, and she was glad he'd had someone, albeit in such a small way.
"He was always kind to me. It took me a long time to accept that. You've got to understand, back then Slytherin really was a pureblood house, I was the only none-pureblood in the house at the time in any year. A half blood, poor mill town trash, abused, northern manc boy in the house full of cultured pure bloods…I was practically feral compared to them"
She chuckled a little at his wry and self depreciating smirk.
"But he was always different. Treated me the same as everyone else right from the start. He was my first real friend and as we got older, we were… close. You've got to understand that affection, friendship and respect and entirely different things. As I grew I was more respected by my house for my strength and abilities, but that was all. He was my only real friend. Never wanted anything from me, never wanted favours or anything. And he was always so kind, never embarrassed to be seen with me or to tell people he was my friend and no one would dare say anything to him because of his family. And he was so handsome, effortlessly. Girls would fall over themselves at his feet but he never seemed to care, always said he'd be too busy seeing the world with me to entertain them. And he was funny , so funny , he could make anyone tear up but he was never cruel with pranks or anything, just generally funny and a laugh to be around "
He sniffed a bit, trying for nonchalance but she could tell this was affecting him.
"There was never any doubt in my mind that that's what we'd do. We'd always said it. We were going to travel the world together, learn all kinds of rare and forbidden magic and knowledge."
At this point his demeanour darkened and he seemed to shrink in on himself.
"It was around this time that Voldemort was really coming into power. He was a handsome man then, charming, charismatic and persuasive, not the monster you knew. He promised power and knowledge and many people fell for it.
I was in my sixth year and he was in his fifth when we took the mark together. And still whenever anyone asked it would be , Me and Sev are going to be too busy travelling the world for the Dark Lord.
I think on some level I'd known he was gay. He'd never been interested in women, and I remember in my Seventh year , there was a winter ball. I had no-one to go with and he'd said well we'll go together ob-vi-ously, you're going to take me. So we did, and I thought we were just going stag together but-"
Laughing out loud he snorted and rubbed his hands over his face and she could see the genuine amusement and fondness that his expression held.
"The silly twat turned up dolled up to the nines. He was wearing women's dress robes, perfume and makeup.. Real proper makeup not comical-"
He made a gesture with his hands and she smiled to show she understood.
"and he pulled it off too, the pretty bastard. Anyone else would have instantly been labelled a poof but Reggie … he had a way of just making everyone laugh with him instead of at him, for a moment there was silence when we walked in and then he'd dragged me into the ball on his arm and declared himself the prettiest catch in attendance and he'd scratch the eyes out of any witch who challenged him for queen of the ball. And it was just such classic Reggie that no one batted an eyelid, and everyone just cracked up laughing. He made me dance with him and then he cut in on other couples and made their wizards dance with him and everyone just went along with it"
She purposely didn't point out to him the fact that he'd said other couples.
"And that's how it went all night. He walked around on my arm like he was proud to be there and we drank and danced and laughed and no one said anything cruel, he kept it up all night and never danced with any witches but stole dances with quite a few wizards which at the time made me feel strange and it wasn't until many years later that I realised…"
He cut off with a blush and swallowed a mouthful of tea to hide it and she smiled as she filled in the blank. Her tone was good-naturedly teasing him as she answered in a sing-song voice.
"You were jeal-ous" she laughed as she nudged him with her foot, from where she'd come to sit by him on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath herself.
"Viciously" He answered wryly and she chuckled .
"I remember being drunk on wine and high on the mirth of the night as we stumbled back to the boys dorms"
She didn't dare say anything, because it sounded like it was getting to the good part and her face flushed a little at the thought.
" I was a prefect so we had our own rooms back then and he fell into mine, literally fell into it because he'd been wearing heels as well - I think I forgot to mention that"
She nodded and arched an eyebrow with a smile but didn't say anything else. Don't stop now Severus, it's getting good she thought to herself.
"He asked me to help him out of his dress robes because they fastened at the back and he was too tipsy, so I did but the buttons got stuck and I ended up having to rip it off him… I always thought afterwards he must have put a sticking charm on them"
Good on you Reggie. She thought to herself with respect.
"He was all tangled up and we literally fell into bed, we were laughing and practically wrestling to get him out of the robes and well…somehow…we kissed"
Fucking hell is it hot in here or what. Her respect for Reggie just went up. Hermione swallowed, riveted on Severus who suddenly became nervous..
"You've got to understand I was 17 and..,and drunk and 17 year old boys are just walkingbags of hormones and have no control over when they get a well…"
"Boner?" She supplied helpfully with a smile and he glared at her , though there was no malice in it.
Then her tone became serious. "Severus you don't need to make excuses for me"
Sighing, he truly deflated then.
"We kissed and one thing led to another and we…touched each other.. Touched each other to completion and then seeing as a teenage boy doesn't take much time to recover, well he asked me to get out the bed and stand up and for a moment I thought he was going to suddenly realise what a mistake he'd made and throw me out of my own damn room for being a big poof…but then he got out of the bed too and… well…he knelt on his knees in front of me.."
His face was almost scarlett but Hermione was pretty sure hers wasn't far off and she was biting her lip and clenching her thighs something fierce. Damn, you go get it girl. She thought in fondness and approval for the absolute icon who'd seen the wonderful and surprisingly sensitive soul in front of her and just gone for it.
"Dammnn, go Reggie." She'd said with a smile, almost quietly enough to be to herself but his blush told her that he hadn't missed her comment.
He was quiet for a while, too long actually by Hermione's standards as this man had been practically edging her with this hot as fuck story and at this point she was invested.
"Then what happened?"
He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he'd been in.
"Then the next morning everything went back to normal. In the light of day I was mortified… I cared for him, I didn't regret it but I was…embarrassed about what other people would think. I couldn't be so uncaring as Reggie was and I think he knew I wasn't ready. It was one thing to explain away a drunken fumble but after that.. I just wasn't ready and he knew. He never pressed anything more, sexually that is, but sometimes when it was just the two of us studying or reading he'd stroke my back with his hand or play with my hair, or he'd say he was cold and lean against me while we were reading and sometimes I'd even put my arm around him, I'd make a big show of how annoyed I was with it of course but secretly-"
"You liked it" She smiled and so did he. "I did. Merlin help me but I did."
"Then of course I graduated in 1978 and was studying for my mastery under the dark lord's coin of course and by 1979 when Reggie graduated I was already having serious doubts. But we were both marked and for most of that year we both served the Dark Lord. I could see that it was affecting him a lot more than me, in the sense that he couldn't cope with it the way I could. I already wanted out , I knew I'd made mistakes but it was destroying Reggie in a whole different way he was becoming more and more drawn, paranoid, like all the life and joy was being sucked out of him… then one day he asked me to run away with him, said he had something he needed to do and then he'd made up his mind and he was going to run. But he wanted me to run away with him, leave the Dark Lord and Europe behind and travel the world together like it was always supposed to be. Said that we wouldn't need anything but the two of us. 'I don't need anyone or anything else but you Sev'. He'd said. ' I could love you Sev, I do love you, it could be just me and you, you don't even need a witch because I could be your wife and we could be happy together just the two of us'
Hermoine gasped, she couldn't hold it in. "What happened? Did you run away with him"
He shook his head and disappointment flared through her.
"He…left… without me"
A sudden pain flared through her and she felt tears welling in her eyes.
"You were going to go with him" she said sadly and her chest ached for him when he nodded.
"I was. I waited for him, when and where he told me to. I waited all night and until the morning but he never showed up, never wrote and I never saw him again. When he stopped showing up to summons, The Dark Lord thought I'd helped him escape, tortured me into near insanity trying to find out where he was until he realised that I'd had no idea. Reggie had been useful to him in some way, some task that I never quite found out about and he was angry and paranoid when he disappeared. I think he blamed me for his disappearance. At the next revel the Dark Lord declared that he had killed Reggie and ordered me not to say a word, so all the other Death Eaters thought he'd died at Voldemort's hand, he couldn't let anyone believe Reggie had actually got away. But still I think he blamed me for it, a long time after. Then again Everyone did, when the news got out about his supposed death at The Dark Lord's hands. Sirius especially blamed me"
She went hot and cold and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach.
No. Please No.
But she had to ask.
"Severus… you don't mean Regulus Black?"
His wide eyes snapped to hers and she instantly had her answer, but quickly reading her expression, his face became ashen.
"Severus" She choked out, pain lancing through her "After the war, did nobody tell you what happened?"
"Tell me what, Hermione… what do you know?"
Tears dripped down her face and her stomach cramped painfully but she had to give him this, she had no right to hold it from him.
"Did anyone ever tell you that the first locket, the horcrux, the one that Dumbledore retrieved was a fake?"
"No…" He answered , looking shocked.
"It was. Someone had stolen the real Horcrux ,and left a note for the Voldemort inside, it was signed R.A.B"
Severus grasped the arm of the sofa, she had a feeling that if he'd been standing, he would have fallen down.
"Regulus defected from Voldemort, he stole the Horcrux with the intent of destroying it and replaced it with a fake. But in doing so he was poisoned, the same poison that was killing Dumbledore only much more potent as it had not long been put there, Voldemort had tested the poison on Kreacher and Regulus couldn't stand following him a moment longer when he found out. He drank the poison to retrieve the locket"
Reaching forward grasping his hands in hers she spoke to him gently.
"Reggie never left without you, he had planned to run away when he'd stolen and destroyed the locket, Kreacher told us that much, but he never made it out. He was poisoned and surrounded by Inferi. He gave Kreacher the locket and sent him away to safety and ordered him to destroy it… Severus…he died in that cave in 1979… and he died a hero"