Emperor Jircniv Rune Farlord El-Nix awoke with a start shortly before sunrise, he would have liked to return to sleep but something felt off and he knew it was late enough in the night that a cup of strong tea would be the better course of action. As he moved past the silken curtains suspended by the bedposts and donned a finely crafted robe, the person who had been lying beside him shifted.
"Your Majesty, what's the matter?"
It was the sleepy voice of the woman he loved, yet who refused to bear him an heir on account of her looks. A notion he found ridiculous, but one that he knew she would not be swayed on for any reason short of The Sorcerer King endorsing their union himself.
"I think I'd better start the day. Sleep in as long as you like, I'll be in my study." Her breathing quickly grew regular again as sleep overtook her.
He walked to the door that connected the two rooms and reached for the handle. As his hand hoovered there the strange feeling grew stronger, he swallowed.
"Red?" he whispered so as not to wake the sleeping woman. "Is there someone behind this door?"
From just over his shoulder came an equally quiet whisper. "No."
Since the Hanzo had revealed himself to Jircniv to thwart an attempt on his life some time ago, he had learned to live with the knowledge that an undetectable unbeatable assassin was literally always within arms reach. Even last night…When he had been "discussing policy" with the woman he valued most in his harem. The young Emperor had given the Hanzo that name based on the red bandana tied to its arm. And while he could be a bit literal in his interpretations of orders, he's proven time and again that he was there for the Emperor's benefit.
He breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed the doorknob.
*Knock knock knock* A quiet thumping took place at the door that led to the hallway.
"Red..." Jercniv looked exasperatedly into the air over his shoulder, hoping that by chance it would be directed at the Ninja.
"You asked about this door." It replied without a hint of sarcasm.
"Who's behind that door then?"
"Loune and Leinas."
"I see." This did not bode well. He walked to the other door and opened it quietly. Holding a finger to his lips as he made eye contact with the two.
"Good morning your majesty." Lounge Vermillion, his extremely capable subject and scribe, whispered.
Both the scribe and the Imperial Knight, in full regalia, bowed to him. The scribe was visibly nervous, but doing their best to hide it for his sake.
"What's the matter? Out with it." This insufferable feeling, waiting for the blow is the worst part.
"Yes, um, Lord Demiurge and another representative of the Sorcerer King called Omniculus, would like a word with you."
"Oh joy… Did they mention what for?"
"Y-yes sir, a um… 'surprise special inspection'? And something about a 'Stat sheet'? I am afraid I am unable to prepare any materials for you on these topics, as I have no idea what they are referring to... Please forgive my ignorance."
"'Special inspection'? 'Stat Sheet'…?" He signed, "Not to worry Loune, I suppose that's the point of it being a surprise… Please bring them to the lounge and have the maids prepare tea. I will change and be there shortly."
"As you command my Emperor.' Lounge bowed and quickly walked off leaving the Emperor with the cursed Imperial Knight, who remained outside the door.
As he walked to the designated lounge, the Emperor felt resignation more than anything else. Thankfully, now that he knew what was causing the feeling he'd had since he awoke, dread was the farthest thing from his mind. At every turn he'd done everything in his power to ease the Empire into vassalage. If they found fault in him for something anyway, he would die with the knowledge that nothing more could have been done. If it was for some petty infraction, maybe others would see the injustice in his execution and rally against the- oh who was he kidding. Hopefully it would be quick and painless.
A short time later he and Lady Rockbruise walked into the lounge he had asked the two be brought to, it had large windows, with the curtains drawn to allow the first rays of the morning to light up the room. There were two couches with a small table in between them in the center of the room, sharing one is where the Bloody Emperor found the representatives. The first he recognized as the dimwitted but well dressed Toadman with the ability to force people to comply with his voice alone, beside him was a worryingly normal looking human, the only features of note about them would be their foreign appearance and the high quality yet odd nature of their clothing, namely their cloak which had dozens of eyes embroidered within it using golden thread.
As he entered the man quickly stood, shifted a thick binder to his left hand and offered his right. "Emperor Jircniv Rune Farlord El-Nix? A pleasure! I'm Omniculus, and I'm here with Lord Demiu-"
"Lord Ainz has instructed us to consider you our equal, so there is no need to be so formal when referring to me, Omniculus."
"Ah he did say that didn't he, thank you Demiurge. Now where was I? Ah yes we are here for a little inspection, if you'd please have a seat with us, this won't take long at all."
'Ainz Ooal Gown holds this human with the same regard as all of those ungodly monsters?! How? What?' The hand was warm, save for the rings on each finger, and the grip was firm but not overly so. 'That also means he isn't from that tomb, where could he be from and still earn such consideration? So many questions… All of which are probably too dangerous to ask.'
As the Emperor sat across from the two, Heavy Explosion took her place behind the couch. A moment later the door opened again and three maids, one pushing a tea cart, and Lounge all entered. Lounge took his place by the knight's side, mobile writing desk at the ready.
"When His Majesty calls I answer." El-Nix replied, he pointedly avoided mentioning the odd hour or any other aspect of the visit that violated the norm. "If I may inquire, have my efforts come up short in some fashion?" He glanced at the maids who were working to pour tea for the three.
Ever since seeing the perfect service work of the beautiful maids within Nazarick he had doubled down on his maids training in an attempt to curry respect from the members of his masters realm. He watched them work from the corner of his eye while listening to the man's reply.
"Oh, I don't know anything about that, Demiurge?" Omniculus shrugged and looked to his companion.
'Nicely done Penelope, good footwork, straight back, don't shake, I know you're scared.'
The Frogman slowly blinked one bulbous, dull eye, then the other. He then opened his massive mouth and his throat expanded, "Your efforts in assimilating Lord Ainz forces with your existing legions has been slower than we'd like, but still within expectations. His majesty has praised your efforts overall, so there is no cause for concern." The maid serving the tea flinched as he spoke, spilling several drops. She quickly recovered, cleaned the spill, completed the task, and went to stand by the wall.
'Ugh, Tatiana, you've prepared for this for months… What changed between last week and today?! I may have to switch her out with another noble's daughter… A shame...'
"Yeah, what he said." Omniculus pointed at the heteromorph. "You're doing great!"
He looked at the smiling man before him, if he'd noticed the accident, or even cared, he couldn't tell, "I'm sorry for my continued ignorance, what I meant is what is the purpose of this 'special' inspection?"
The three maids were all lined up against the far wall, with heads down, waiting for further orders.
"Oh, it's not a special inspection, it's a S.P.E.C.I.A.L inspection. I specialize in deriving the attributes of people, places, and things by observing them. His majesty wanted to get a more thorough look at what makes you a successful ruler, both through your bloodline and how you were reared. I'll be taking some notes about you, for Ainz's records."
The Toadman twitched imperceptibly, only a noble trained in the art of body language would have ever hoped to register the movement. But it didn't correct him. 'What the fuck?' If he ever forgot to add the honorifics to His Majesty the Sorcerer King Ainz Ooal Gown's name he doubted he'd live long enough to realize the mistake, and he was an Emperor. But this guy just did it and Lord Demiurge didn't even correct him?
"Once you've generated your report, we will use whatever organizational methods you come up with for a template, we will have it copied en masse for your convenience. So please be sure the layout of the information is clear and concise." Demiurge expounded.
'That actually sounded like the words of a competent subordinate. The oaf is probably just parroting whatever its handler said before they left.' Thought the blond haired and red eyed ruler.
"Bloodlines you say? That sounds a lot like the kind of thing the followers of the Six preach." This was somewhat troublesome to hear, it was well known that he had purged a large number of noble houses and replaced them with those who showed merit, if their literal blood contributed to their success he may have severely hampered the future prospects of his nobility.
"It is true, while chance does play a role, bloodlines and sweat equity are the two most prevalent factors."
"I see… I will take that into condensation in the future. So I just sit here then?" It must have been his nerves, or his need for caffeine, but the Emperor could have sworn some of the eyes sewn into the inside of the cloak shifted to look at the maids lined up against the wall.
"Yes, please enjoy your tea." The man opened the binder and produced a straightedge and foreign writing utensil from a pocket within it. He went to work drawing on the blank page for about a minute and then, satisfied with his work, put the straightedge back, readied the implement and stared intently at the Emperor. He wrote as he spoke quietly to himself.
"Strength, about what you'd expect… benign politician. Great Wisdom, really helps that Perception. Constitution, same as strength, no real need to focus on Endurance when you work out of an office. Average Charisma. Intelligence… respectable." At the remark he thought the Toadman's lip curled up ever so slightly. "Agility and Dexterity, still a politician… Wow your Luck is abysmal, you use it all up on something? Oh well. Next I'll do a level breakdown, and note any skills. Level 27 out of a maximum of 33… Noble... 15, Emperor… 10, High Emperor… 2. Notable skills..." His mumbling grew quieter, and he spent another few minutes writing, only looking away from the sovereign occasionally, perhaps to double check his spelling or that he was staying within the lines? Farlord could not see what was being written from his vantage point, so he was unsure. "...Karma… Lawful evil, negative 80…" Omniculus then spoke up and directed a question at the monarch calmly drinking his tea. "Everything you're wearing right now, is that your normal loadout?"
'That wasn't informative at all, anyone could just make up numbers and "skills" like that. "Emperor," "High Emperor?" Is the Sorcerer King being conned? Is this a con man who's convinced That mastermind Ainz Ooal Gown that he can identify people's vocations and proficiencies by sight? Has His Majesty never heard of fortune tellers who specialize in "palm reading?" Surely that's not the case… His Majesty must be using this to trap the poor fool, or me... somehow... I'll play along for now.' "I am unfamiliar with the term 'loadout' but the magical items I'm currently wearing I wear everyday. This amulet is a-"
"There's no need to tell me, I can see all of it just fine. Thank you though." He continued writing, mumbling to himself again. "Wreath of the People, Ring of Unicorn. Ring of Dull Pain, Ring of… Medallion of Mental Protection… 10cm mithril needle dagger, enchanted for bleeding underneath the inside of the left bracer."
'Oh… Appraisal of hidden magical items from a distance is… definitely a level of detection beyond anything gramps could do. Guess he's not a total fraud.' The Emperor was now conflicted, it was interesting and readily apparent how useful this ability could be, assuming it was real, but now he also felt incredibly exposed. He should have dismissed the maids beforehand but it was too late at this point. 'Oh well, they know what will happen to their families if anything about this meeting becomes public.' Speaking of the maids, the Emperor hoped it was just his imagination, or a trick of the morning light, or the shifting of the fabric, or anything else, but more of the eyes of the cloak appeared to have shifted to look at them. He didn't know what that meant, but he was sure he didn't like it.
"Alright, just about done. You have a harem correct? It would be beneficial for me to look into their builds as well." He scribbled something in the margins of the paper and leaned over to the Toadman who had been silently watching the whole affair. It was probably too stupid to actually meaningfully contribute to a conversation, which was why Jircniv had opted to sit in silence rather than interact with the disgusting creature. "To help you choose who would be best suited to produce an heir with, or if you already have heirs, which has the most potential. You don't have to follow my recommendation by any means, but I mean who wouldn't want their child to be as suited for the throne as possible, ya know?" Demiurge turned its head to look at whatever Omniculus was pointing at on the page. I then closed its massive, producing eyes and shook its head. "Really? Well that's a shame." Omniculus sighed.
"Yes, I do. In fact I've one candidate I'd love for you to speak wi- Is something the matter?" Jircniv asked, sweat suddenly appearing on the back of his neck..
"Yeah. It's not a big deal, but I do have to address it." He picked up the steaming hot tea cup and stood up.
In the Throne Room, the remaining Guardians, the Battle Maids, and His Majesty all watched the inquisition take place via the Mirror of Remote Viewing. Asterios, feeling anxious having been away for so long, had been sent back to the Labyrinth which had itself been transferred to a remote location over the forest of Tob, thanks to Shalltear's [Gate].
"Terrifying." Albedo quietly spoke, "He can see which spells a magic caster can use, life force, mana essence, enchantments, level caps, all innately…"
"Notably, targets are immune if they hold a world level item, so most of you are exempt. Or so he said." Pandora's Actor replied. "How much can he be trusted?"
"Even if we can't trust him, spreading out his skills to such a degree left him as tough as tissue paper. su~" She smirked in superiority.
"You'd know a thing or two about tissue paper wouldn't you Bug Bites?" Aura said with a grin.
Ainz ignored their bickering and addressed the Doppelganger. "Hmm… We had planned on extending a similar offer to Riku Aganeia; that if he came to us of his own accord then we would 'allow him to join us' and pull any useful information from him. But if he needed any coercion then he would be treated as a threat and killed quickly after his use had been expended. I see no reason to destroy a valuable asset, yet." His Eminence put a knuckle to where his lips would be. "Shalltear, what else does Peroroncino's Encyclopedia say about Beholders?"
The diminutive Vampire quickly reached into her Item Box and withdrew the large book. "Lord Peroroncino wrote quite a bit on the topic, I assume your initial soiree with this one moved him to be prepared should you have needed to engage another su~."
"Umu, just the highlights then, if you will." His majesty steepled his fingers as he watched Omniculus pick up his teacup and begin walking around Jircniv's lounge room.
"Of course, 'They can see in all directions and are vigilant even when sleeping, they are immune to surprise attacks. Natural flight means they cannot be knocked prone. Their Central Eye projects an anti-magic cone on command. Their smaller eyes can house a variety of other magical effects, including but not limited to telekinesis, charm, petrification, disintegration, enfeeble, and death rays. Skin as tough as full plate armor. They "reproduce" through dreams.'" She looked up from the book, "They also like to eat things based on how aesthetically pleasing they look, so we have to make sure he doesn't try to eat Lord Ainz!" She exclaimed in an extremely serious manner.
Then she was drooling. Albedo noticed the lewd look in her eyes and quickly retorted, "If anyone is going to eat Lord Ainz it will be his first wife!" She leaned over the arm of the Throne while shouting at the petite goth loli, who was standing on its opposite side. Ainz's vision of the mirror was temporarily blocked by white fabric, and a spider web of golden threads. This knocked the fun-sized blood drinker out of her fantasizing.
She gritted her teeth, then smiled and said, "With that big mouth of yours you just might be able to you gorilla su~!"
"What was that?! You cutting-board chested tick?!"
'I don't want to be eaten by anyone…' Ainz thought as he looked upwards to avoid staring at the tight fabric bouncing around in front of him due to Albedos shouting, but before he could speak up,
"ENOUGH!" Cocytus' tail swished, creating the sound of a whip cracking. Both Guardians regained their composure and smoothed out their dresses.
"Thank you Cocytus. Now Shalltear, about their personalities?" Undead generally hated the living, while he did not hate the living he understood that being undead had changed his perception of them. He assumed it would be a similar case for Omniculus, where he maintained rationality but his sense of morality had shifted. That would explain his willingness to destroy a city just to get his attention.
"'Paranoia paired with superhuman intelligence, they plan for every eventuality and are always expecting to be betrayed.' Hmm. 'Narcissistic but not egotistical. They think themselves the pinnacle of living beings, and only other Beholders are viewed as more than food or minions.'" She smirked. "Ridiculous su~."
"Yes, I believe I have the gist of it now. Thank you Shalltear." 'He'd seemed agreeable enough. He probably did retain the majority of his original personality, so it should be fine. We'll just have to make sure to keep an eye on him in case he tries anything underhanded.'
Aura spoke up. "Beholders sound pretty pathetic. They want to act like the Supreme ones, but there is no way they could ever compare! If they have 'superhuman intelligence' then Lord Ainz must have 'Supergod intelligence!'" She placed her hands on her hips and smiled while looking at Ainz who was silently wishing they'd stop raising the bar. "Right Mare?"
Mares' hands gripped his staff and he blushed while looking at Ainz, only to then look at the floor, smiling in embarrassment, "L-lord Ainz already s-said he's planned t-t-ten thousand years ahead. As long as we do what he says it doesn't matter how s-smart our enemy is."
There was a round of agreement from everyone else present.
"Thank you both, Aura, Mare. I will always try my best to protect this place and all of you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't think for yourselves." He patted their heads and now both were both blushing. Everyone else, especially Albedo, looked upset that they were not getting the same attention. 'I love them all so much, but when they act like this I feel like a terrible person. Even if I outright deny it they will just say I'm being humble. How can I get them to understand? A little time alone with Omniculus will hopefully allow me to decompress, maybe he can even help me come up with a plan.' He looked back up at the Mirror, just in time to see Demiurge activate his [Command Mantra]. "Hmm?"
Omniculus paced as he drank the tea quickly and was strangely enamored with the teacup, he examined it closely. "What a beautiful design, the gold filigree really highlights the symmetry."
The fair haired Emperor looked at the tea cart. 'Was there something wrong with the tea? Was that the issue? Or did he actually just get distracted by the cup?' "Ah, well thank you, it was a gift from a diplomat from the Calzanas City State Union some time ag-"
*Crunch*
He, along with his retinue, looked up in shock to find that Omniculus was eating the porcelain teacup while looking back at him, his positive demeanor unchanged. "Ish that sho?" several small shards of the cup left his mouth as he asked. He then swallowed and continued as if nothing had happened. "They must have some very skilled artisans. I'll have to visit at some point."
'Ah, there's that "abysmal luck" he mentioned,' Thought the emperor. 'He's an insane monster too, just one that looks like a human.'
Demiurge then redirected their attention by clearing his throat.
"Oh right, your 'issue.' Well before we can discuss that I am curious." He began slowly walking in the direction of the maids. "These maids, how loyal are they to you?"
Jircniv watched the three women. 'They're doing well to maintain their composure, it seems practicing in a room full of burning refuse and barking dogs had been an effective training technique after all.' He spoke up. "They, like all of my personal attendants, are the children of some of my closest political allies. As I'm sure you know Noble houses rear their second and third children as domestic servants. These three, among others, were hand picked by my father for this role many years ago. His former as well as my current advisers have kept careful track of their schooling and any other training they've received. If there had ever been outward signs of disloyalty then they would have never made it to this position. In fact, Lady Tatiana of house Tannenbay has served me faithfully for my entire, albeit brief, reign. All that to say, they are quite loyal." 'Where was this going?'
He stepped up to the three, whose heads were now held high awaiting orders. Their expressions neutral masks, had the Toadman gotten this close, they may not have been able to maintain their poise. "Tatiana you say? Would they do anything you asked? Kill for you? Die for you?" He looked into the central maids red eyes.
Behind the Emperor, Leinas Rockbruise sneered. 'Filthy pig.' She couldn't sense any power coming from him, unlike the Toadman, whom she knew was an insurmountable monster. 'Born with some lucky talent, buddies up with the Sorcerer King for protection then immediately abuses his authority to get laid. Bet that high quality clothing is from the big man himself and its the only reason he's not spitting up blood right now. Showoff. He'll get away with acting like this too, nobodies going to be stupid enough to speak up… However, someone with that much sway in the Sorcerer Kingdom may be willing to make a request to the King for the right price.' She hadn't bothered approaching His Majesty in an attempt to have her curse removed because she didn't have anything to offer him. Her strength would be meaningless to Him, she couldn't match a single Death Knight in combat, of which he had at least ten thousand. Her accumulated wealth was a pittance, if anything, compared to the riches she saw as she walked through all 10 layers of that impossible realm that was the Undead's home. Even her former beauty, which she hoped would be returned to her one day, paled in comparison to the Lord of Death's maids. But this man probably didn't have any of that, why else would he be attempting to coerce the Emperor to turn a blind eye in exchange for a better "review?"' She also personally doubted "Omniculus" was as honest about his abilities as he pretended to be. 'He's probably got a talent for seeing magical equipment and makes everything else up. "Level 15?" "Lawful Evil?" So stupid. Doesn't matter though, I'll corner him when I get the chance and see what it would take to get His Majesty to help me. No matter what.' She sneered, but resigned herself to the task.
Recognition arose in Jircnivs eyes. 'Oh, I see now. A bribe to ensure a good report gets delivered to His Majesty. If he's really this unscrupulous, and this isn't some kind of trick, I may be able to manipulate him into further raising my standing in the Sorcerer King's eyes-er well eye sockets.' "While I have others with skillsets far better suited for violence, these women would be honored to assist with whatever… domestic tasks you might have in mind." He glanced at the still seated Demiurge, if he was aware of the subtext of the conversation he made no sign. 'So stupid he can't even see that his charge is breaking His Majesty's anti-corruption laws right in front of him… It's a good thing he's a toadman, if he didn't breathe through his skin he would probably have suffocated by forgetting to open his mouth.' He smiled to himself.
Omniculus leaned in very close to Tatiana, "Is that so? Well then… Demiurge?"
"[Do not move!]" All three maids, Leinas, and Loune were frozen in place. Jircnivs' medaillon once again saved him from the cursed voice of the Toadman. But he felt it would still be in his best interest to remain seated and not question whatever was about to happen. He felt sorry for Tatiana, but per her contract her family would be well compensated for the loss should it come to that, she was also well aware of what would happen to her family if she tried resisting... The other two maids would probably need to be removed as well in order to keep the peace. If word spread that the Sorcerer King's subordinates enjoyed torturing helpless women in front of the Emperor His Majesty may take offense. He was kind of disappointed that Omniculus had asked Demiurge for assistance, the noble women were more than accustomed to acting like they were enjoying themselves, by doing this he was branding himself as a sleazy pervert, and all of those acting lessons they'd been though were going to waste.
Omniculus reached under the collar of the maids uniform and unclasped the top button of her uniform then, with the flick of his wrist, pulled the button off. He turned around, walked over to Jircniv and sat down. Demiurge seemed content to allow everyone else to stay frozen. The agent of chaos threw an arm around the Emperor's shoulders, forgoing any sense of decorum, and held up his open palm, showing him what he'd removed from the women's clothing. "Do you recognize this, your Majesty?" The frozen woman's eyes were wide with unrestrained terror.
'What is happening here?' Confusion and disgust rested just below the young Emperor's mask. 'If he'd been attempting to expose more cleavage, then he'd failed. All of the maids wore undershirts that acted as padding against the heavily starched maid outfits. If he'd been planning to go further with the woman in full view of everyone here, he must have chickened out after seeing how scared she was. Could it be he was attempting to be edgy with some childish power play? He obviously lacks a great deal of social awareness in the realm of high society, probably due to constantly being protected by powerful people, or simply because he's only a commoner, there's no evidence of noble blood in his visage, and his abilities could be the result of some strange talent. Even so, showing off how untouchable he is is wholly unnecessary, as he's already considered on par with the Sorcerer King's Guardians based on Demiurge's comment.' He decided to stop over analyzing the situation and look at what was being presented to him.
It was a small cloth covered button, white, with several threads stringing behind it from where it had been sewn onto the outfit. On its underside there was a glob of… something… "Wait… Is that wax?"
"Correct, care to take a guess as to what might be under that wax?"
He glanced at Tatiana, her fear had been replaced with resigned stoicism. She refrained from trying to speak, she merely stared straight ahead. "...Something meant to kill me, I presume?"
"Exactly. Beneath this wax is a mithril tack, etched with dozens of pores, these pores contain mollified Purple Worm secretions the tack was dipped in. If the poison had entered your body, you would have immediately perished even with the Ring of Unicorn." He'd heard of Purple Worms, they were an opponent reserved for multiple Orichalcum class teams or at least one team of Adamantine class adventures to combat at once. His mouth was suddenly quite dry, he wished one of the maids would pour him some more tea...
"Now there are several ways this lovely piece of spycraft could be applied. In the event of capture, she could have pressed the needle into her own neck, even with her hands bound behind her back, and she would have died without ever being questioned. Alternatively, if she were alone with you for any length of time, a solid palm strike with the needle in hand could do the trick."
"I'm never without my guards though, so it seems this plan was ill conceived." Once again he was grateful for his silent, invisible stalker named Red.
The unorthodox inspector glanced at the ceiling above them and said quietly enough so only Jircniv could hear. "Yes, a guardian angel does have its benefits." He spoke up again. "That leaves the third, and my personal favorite option." Omniculus removed his hand from Jircinvs shoulder and grabbed the teapot from its cart beside the table, it was still hot thanks to the enchantment placed on it. He pushed the button into the narrow opening of the spout. It did not make any noise as it rolled into the pot. He tipped the pot back and forth, showcasing the importance of the button being covered in cloth. He then grabbed Jircnivs empty teacup and poured it full. "Care for a sip, Your Majesty?"
'So he can walk on the ceiling too? Figures.' "It still wouldn't have worked, Lounge is my taste tester for anything that I don't use my ring to check first."
"Yes, the Ring of Unicorn's three daily uses would be best reserved for things like potions that a taste tester couldn't sample." He then took a sip of the tea himself. Jircniv flinched away wide eyed, believing the madman had somehow already forgotten he'd just poisoned the tea himself. "That's where the wax comes in. It takes several minutes for the wax coating to melt enough for the poison to suffuse with the tea. Mr. Vermillion would have survived, you would not have."
"Your note mentioned several indicators, was that all you noticed?" 'Demiurge asked, finally taking a sip of his tea, his stupid glasses didn't even reach his eyes, why did he wear them. Did he think they made him look more intelligent?' Jircniv was a little concerned at just how unconcerned he was about the fact that an assassin had been preparing to kill him. This wasn't the first time someone had tried, but it was the most creative by far, maybe insulting the Toadman was helping him cope?
"Demiurge, buddy! That was only the tip of the iceberg! Ha, get it… because of the… Ah whatever." He pointed to the maid, who was being watched by both of her counterparts with fear in their eyes.
"Twice she used metamagic to silently cast [Messages] detailing our conversations to someone located a few kilometers south of here."
"You allowed her to do that?" Now Demiurge was upset. Lord Ainz allowed spies to come and go as they pleased, provided they stayed out of restricted areas, one of those restricted areas happened to be the Emperor's home. Allowing an intelligence leak about Omniculus capacity for information gathering was the height of idiocy.
He leaned in close to the Toadman, covered his mouth, and spoke quietly so the maids couldn't hear. "Of course not, I intercepted the message each time. I wanted to changed the messages to try and secure a meeting with the other operatives or at least a dead drop but with my attention split I didn't want to risk leaking coded information."
'So those legends are true, if men with skill sets like his really do exist the Gartenbarg incident really could have happened. It's good we never developed a reliance on message spells.' Thought Loune. 'Demiurge seems far more shocked at this information than his Majesty or Lady Rockbruise. Was he unaware of the legend?'
"You can't be serious?" Demiurge asked. "You have access to something like that?"
"Oh yes, it was an incredibly niche ability I stumbled across due to my information collection focused build. But please do keep it a secret, I've never told anyone because if I did people would stop using message spells. That or they'd start using code phrases and passwords, and I'm no good at deciphering that kind of thing. They're a great source of information." He leaned back on the couch and took another sip of tea. "The only reason I'm talking about it now is because I promised to be transparent with Ainz."
"So you did." Not even Jircniv could catch Demiurges twitch that time, but he was sure he'd done it.
"On top of all that," he spoke up and redirected his attention to the central maid counting off points on his fingers, "'Tatiana' has 15 levels as a rouge, 4 in the unarmed subclass, 2 in spellcasting, and 2 in noble orientated classes, the two beside her each have at least 15 levels in various noble classes with no combat levels to speak of. She's also level 24 out of 24, meaning she's trained really hard. Based off of my understanding she would be the equivalent to a Mithril ranked adventurer. She speaks the language of the Empire fluently but also knows a language called Pa'sennes. Do you recognize that tongue?" He looked at Jircniv.
"Unfortunately. It's from one of the six major city states on the opposite side of the Minotaur Kingdom, Pa'sen." He'd thought relations with that collective had been positive, but considering the resources being made available to this assassin, being a government backed agent seemed more likely than not.
"Her Karma level is negative 150, which is in range of what you'd generally expect for a human Pker, so no surprise there. Last, but certainly not least, her talent. I guess she's what you'd call a 'shape shifter?' Whoever she kills she permanently takes on the appearance and voice of. So I'm afraid Tatiana is actually no longer with us.
"You can detect talents as well?" Once again Demiurge seemed more curious than Loune expected. 'There were spells developed in the past two hundred years geared toward identifying talent holders.' The immobilized scribe thought to himself. 'The Sorcerer King had said they had been in hiding for hundreds of years, and only took action now because their peace had been disturbed. Which would explain why his subordinates did not have access to talent detecting magics. But if Omniculus isn't from Nazarick then why would Omniculus having this skill surprise Demiurge?' He was also beginning to cramp, he hoped they'd subdue the assassin and let everyone else go soon.
"That actually surprised me too, I'd never seen one before but now that I have I can't miss it. I am curious to find out what other elements I can detect that I couldn't before."
"We will have to perform some experiments in the future."
"Sounds good to me." Omniculus gave a thumbs up. "I guess we should wrap this up. If I had to guess what the plan was, I'd be willing to bet a little assassin sleeper cell has been waiting for an opening to get close to you for a few years at least. That opening appeared in the form of the court wizard Fluders retirement. Tatiana was then replaced with this assassin, who would then eliminate you, take your place as Emperor and leverage its newfound position for any number of things. If they've been around before your vassalization then they may have wanted your support in attacking the Minotaur Kingdom, considering they could have traveled from Pa'sen. But now that you've been vassalized by the Sorcerer King, I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to incite a rebellion in order to attempt to weaken Ainzs' holdings. That's just a guess though. They could have been hired by nobles within Baharuth who don't like you, or nobles you've already had attained or killed but who are funding the troop through a third party. They may even have been hired by the Theocracy as insurance. Anything really."
"Unacceptable." Demiurge said with a wide sneer, he looked at the would-be assassin.
"I know right?" He shrugged and stood several paces from the maids. "Go ahead."
Demiurge released his hold on the room. "[You are free to move]." He took a sip of his tea. Omniculus allowed the 'maid' to lunge at him, she activated several martial arts and moved with incredible speed, preparing an unarmed strike. But it was not fast enough, he cracked her upside the jaw once she was in range. She immediately went limp, collapsing onto the ground. A few drops of blood from her lip hit one of the actual maids in the face.
The Imperial Knight jumped into action as soon as she was freed, she quickly secured the unconscious interloper. Jircniv decided to expend a charge of his Ring of Unicorn just out of morbid curiosity. The way the ring worked, when activated, the presence of poison would cause the ring to heat up, the stronger the poison the hotter it would get. The thought process behind it was that if he were holding something containing poison the heat of the ring would force him to flinch and drop the container. He touched the handle of the teapot which was sitting on the table and activated the ring.
"SHIT!" He instantly withdrew his hand, thankfully the magic nature of the heat meant that that it immediately subsided once contact with the poison filled container was lost. Loune, seeing this take place, grabbed the teapot and ran out of the room with it to dispose of it safely.
"We will take care of the interrogation." Demiurge said. "Those who threaten the subjects of Lord Ainz will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law." His grin informed everyone that the law would have no say in her 'prosecution.'
Jircniv suppressed a shiver, he almost felt bad for the unconscious woman. "It's been a harrowing morning, do you think you could come by another time to interview my potential Empress?" He surprised himself with his request. Deferring an appointment the Sorcerer King requested probably meant death right?
"Sure thing, Ainz mentioned setting up an office in E-Rantel, but just submit a request and I'll drop by." He reached out to shake Jircnivs hand again. The emperor reciprocated. "A Pleasure to speak with you, Jircniv. I see why His Majesty likes you."
'Is that some kind of cruel joke?' He thought. "Lady Rockbruise, please follow Lord Demiurge and Lord Omniculus. Take 'that' with you." he pointed to the bound agent. A moment later he smiled wearily and waved as the two Monsters along with 'Heavy Explosion, who was carrying an unconscious assassin on her shoulder, walked through a portal that appeared before them.