"A halfbreed! A mudblood! A bad Master!" Kreacher shrieked excitedly. "Oh good Master! You even brought your own dead muggle-lover!"

"Kreacher," Harry snapped trying to shake the elf loose. "Stop humping my leg. That's an order."

"I'm so sorry, Master," Kreacher pleaded. "Kreacher will do better. Do you want Kreacher to put away your things?"

"You rotten little crap-bubble," Sirius chuckled at the insane elf. "We're not his things."

Kreacher looked confused and turned towards Harry. "Master?"

"They aren't my things," Harry instructed still uncertain how he felt like dealing with Kreacher. "Remus and Tonks are friends and guests. Sirius is not the same Sirius you used to know. And Ginny… well I guess she is my very own dead muggle-lover."

Ginny's cheeks brightened in a ghostly blush and whispered towards Tonks, "Harry said I'm his lover. He's so cute when he's possessive."

"He is kinda cute," Tonks admitted conspiratorially.

Ginny glanced between Tonks and Harry. She leaned in towards Tonks, "You know now that you're not married to your dad, you could morph to look like me and go out with my Harry. I'd be fine with that." Ginny was doing a fair impression of Dobby, she was nodding so fast.

Tonks saw Ginny was a little too enthusiastic at the idea.

"I wouldn't mind," Ginny explained. "I could even help you with all the bits and parts that you can't see. Stupid ghost robes."

"Maybe later," Tonks said silently adding 'or never.'

Tonks noticed how dust covered the kitchen and back entrance were. "Hey Harry, you mind if I go exploring?"

"Knock yourself out," Harry said waving towards the entry hall and living room. As Tonks left the room, Harry whispered to the two Marauders, "I'm curious if the troll leg umbrella stand is in this dimension."

A loud crash and clang indicating the Auror tripped was followed by a shout of "Son of a-"

Tonks' yell was interrupted by a familiar screeching voice. "Mudblood! Filthy mudblood whore!"

"Guess so," Harry grinned.

"Home sweet home," Sirius exclaimed with a wistful smile.

"A warmer welcome you'd be hard-pressed to find," Remus said.

"Shut up, you bloody hag!" Tonks yelled from the front hall.

"You're going to die, you filthy mudblood whore!"

"You hear that Moony?" Sirius said with a playful elbow. "You're the proud father of a filthy mudblood whore."

"Bad Master?" Kreacher questioned curiously at this new attitude from his other Master.

"I'm not a Sirius Black you've ever met before," Sirius explained to the little elf as he walked out of the kitchen.

Sirius reached into the entryway and spotted the offending portrait. "Hello mother."

The portrait stopped her incessant shrieking at Tonks and looked at Sirius in wonder. "Can it be… Sirius?"

"Sirius, as in your dead son who secretly pledged himself to the Dark Lord and has only just now been reborn under the Dark Lord's awesome power?" Sirius offered seeing the hopeful smile on his painted mother's face. He chuckled happily, "No."

Mrs. Black huffed. "You clearly have the disappointment's attitude."

"There's the pet name every child wishes their mum would call them," Sirius retorted with a sigh.

Harry followed behind his godfather and added, "For what it's worth, one time she called me the disappointment's disappointment."

Mrs. Black frowned. "When did I…?"

"You didn't," Sirius said dismissing the confused portrait. He looked towards Harry inquisitively. "I hope you responded in kind to my dear old mum's portrait."

Harry shrugged. "I did piss on her."

Sirius couldn't help it and burst out laughing.

"In my defense I was drunk at the time. She didn't bother me too much after that."

Sirius tapped his chin in thought. "I wonder if Dad knew it was that easy."

"Old Master knew," Kreacher answered immediately. "Old Master did it quite-"

"Kreacher!" the portrait hissed indignantly.

"Mistress?"

"Yeah," Harry interjected. "We really didn't need to know that."

"Would you like to punish Kreacher?" the elf asked hopefully.

"No," Harry answered without pause. "But I would like to see this place cleaned up some. You are capable of cleaning, aren't you?"

"Oh yes Master," Kreacher cheered enthusiastically. "I shined and polished all the muggle torturing tools. Even put fresh batteries in some of the muggle ones."

"Really?" Tonks perked up curiously.

"Down girl," Sirius jumped in. "Not in front of your father this close to his time of the mo-" Sirius let out a squeak and turned to run as Tonks and Remus both attempted to curse him.

"Why don't you work on cleaning the rest of this place, Kreacher, starting with the kitchen," Harry stated firmly. He saw the confusion on the elf's face and added, "Think of this entire house as one big muggle torturing device."

"Yes Master," Kreacher accepted happily and popped away to begin scrubbing.

Harry walked over towards the fireplace and stuck his head under the hearth. "You guys know if this is connected to the floo network?"

"Doubt it," Tonks answered. "No one's used it in twenty-five years, so even if the monthly upkeep is covered, it's still cycled far enough out of use that you'll probably need to get it reconnected."

"We should definitely get it reconnected," Sirius answered showing his face now that Remus and Tonks had given up chasing him. "But let's set it to default deny."

"You know," Harry suggested. "I can put up a Fidelius charm for us."

"You can cast a Fidelius?" Remus asked, slightly impressed.

Harry nodded. "It's one of the charms I've gotten quite good at."

"I'd rather not a Fidelius, if it's all the same to you," Sirius said. "We can ward it plenty, but we're not exactly prime targets of the Dark Lord here. And I'd like to be able to bring home a muggle without dealing with too many questions."

"Couldn't you just memory charm them?" Harry asked, pulling the curtain across Mrs. Black's portrait before she could start up a rant about muggles.

"I'd rather not," Sirius explained with a grimace. "Something about bringing home a girl and ending the evening—or morning more likely—with a memory charm just feels a little like rape."

"You don't rape her, I hope."

"No, of course not, it's just… it still just feels wrong. A violation of her rights or something."

"You're weird," Harry decided. "But even if you don't want a Fidelius charm, I still want to pick up some blank anchor stones."

"I don't have much money," Sirius began.

"You don't have any money," Remus corrected.

"Yes and that's not much now is it?" Sirius agreed. "So maybe we should hold off on the big magical purchases."

"Umm, if this dimension is anything like our old one," Harry stated. "They only cost about forty galleons for a set of eight and two discs. I've got that covered and it'd make me feel a lot better. I'd settle for four and one disc, if you're that worried about it."

"It's your money," Sirius said not understanding how anchor stones made Harry feel better. "If we're lucky there might be a set in the family vault."

"I know I'm the old man around here," Remus said. "But it is almost four in the morning and I've got to be up for work in three hours. You sure you want to stay here tonight?"

Sirius nodded. "We'll be fine. Get your beauty sleep, grampa. You look like you could use it."

Remus smiled seeing how much happier Sirius was now that Harry was here. "You guys are welcome to make breakfast at my place, but please don't steal everything from my kitchen."

"Yeah, I'm gonna head out too," Tonks said walking down the stairs. "This place is pretty big, which means you guys got a lot of cleaning to do and I need to make myself scarce. I wouldn't mind digging into some of those books in the—Dammit!" Tonks cursed as she once again tripped over the troll leg umbrella stand.

"Whore!"

"Painting!" Tonks yelled back at the portrait thoroughly confusing it. Tonks snickered seeing the curtain had flung open and Mrs. Black looked befuddled. "I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow night."

Sirius was chuckling after Tonks was gone, leaving the two dimension travelers alone. "She still trips over that thing every time."

Harry was laughing just as much. "You know it's cursed, right?"

"What?" Sirius looked at Harry in confusion.

"Oh yeah," Harry snickered. "That umbrella stand is jinxed to trip her up."

"No," Sirius said doubtfully. "Really?"

Harry nodded. "I think it was something one of your cousins or maybe mother did to Andy, and Tonks inherited it from her mum."

"Oh I bet Tonks was pissed when she found that out," Sirius said thinking of all the times she'd tripped over it throughout the years.

"Who said Tonks ever found that out?"

"Mr. Black," the old goblin grumbled as he looked up from his desk. "I hope you're not here to waste more of my time."

"Not at all, Elder Rahdoh, not at all," Sirius said with a grin. "I've even brought my very own ancient Lord with me this time."

"Indeed?" the goblin said leaning over to look at Harry.

"Harry," Sirius greeted. "I'd like you to meet Elder Rahdoh the Moderately Sane, the Director of Ancient Family Affairs and occasional amateur singer. Elder Rahdoh," Sirius turned and introduced. "I'd like you to meet my godson, Harry."

The goblin saw the young man wave meekly and turned towards Sirius. "Mr. Black? You failed to recall that you had a godson who was an ancient Lord?"

"I couldn't find him until just yesterday and only then found out that he was an ancient Lord."

The goblin tilted his head down and was peering over his glasses at Harry. "And just what family are you the head of?"

"You don't have to know that," Sirius jumped in before Harry could answer. "Do you?"

"I suppose not," Elder Rahdoh agreed. "But for your sake I hope the magic accepts him."

"Not a problem," Sirius nodded immediately. "Magic is Harry's bitch. We just need you to take us there and invoke a test of nobility."

"Blimey Sirius," Harry blurted out. "You can't expect to pass any test of nobility."

"Ironic isn't it?" Sirius grinned. "It used to be accepted that it was a test of the bloodline or purity but people from other families have been designated heirs, even muggle-borns, so they renamed it nobility."

Elder Rahdoh pressed a button and spoke some Gobbledegook into a magical intercom. A perfectly clear voice said something in Gobbledegook back and Elder Rahdoh sighed. "Well, let's get this over with so I can get back to work. I figure this will either work or you shall die. Come along."

Harry saw the smile on Sirius' face falter for a second as they got up and followed the old goblin out of his office and down towards a cart. The three of them fit into a single cart and they began the fast and bumpy ride down the track.

The wind was rushing in their ears, but Harry's curiosity got the better of him. "Elder Rahdoh, you said this will either work or he'll die. Do you have a preference which?"

Elder Rahdoh kept his hand on the lever and turned towards Harry and Sirius. "Well, there's a lot more paperwork if he dies," the goblin smiled wickedly. "But on the other hand, I wouldn't have to worry about seeing him again. So each side has its advantages and disadvantages."

The blunt honesty of goblins always amused Harry, almost as much as the overwhelming enthusiasm of house elves. He chuckled at Sirius' frown and Elder Rahdoh's complete indifference to them.

A few minutes later the cart slowed to a stop in front of a very different looking vault than Harry had ever seen. It appeared to look more like a cave with a solid, smooth block of onyx for a door. Two goblins were waiting on either side of the door, one of them leaning against the wall in irritation. Two large spikes had been crudely slammed into the ground in front of the goblins. Topping the obviously magical staffs were small chambers of constructed metal and clear glass resembling lanterns. Inside each chamber was a glowing ball of magic that arced within its confined space.

"I do not have all day," Elder Rahdoh grumbled urging them to hurry up.

"Harry," Sirius instructed. "You've got to stick your Family ring in the lower corner of that square on the wall. Don't stick it in the center."

"Why shouldn't I stick it in the center?" Harry asked walking over towards the carved wall that had etchings indicating where to place his fist.

The goblins exchanged curious looks, beginning to think they may get to watch an ignorant wizard or two die today.

Sirius saw them all visibly perk up and explained, "The center is for the Black family ring and it will simply open the vault. The bottom right is where acceptable ancient families can nominate others after the family goes headless."

Harry shrugged and pushed the ring onto the spot. "If you say so."

The vault suddenly became active and the two spikes in the ground began flaring up and sparking like crazy. Currents of magic were bouncing back and forth between the two magical conduits while the inky black onyx of the door rippled into a blurry clear haze.

Sirius took a breath and walked right through the magical current and his body began to glow and flicker on its own. He didn't even slow down as he walked straight through the solid wall and into the Black family vault.

Harry turned towards the goblins all watching curiously. "Am I supposed to leave my hand up here?" When no goblin answered, Harry sighed and propped his arm up holding it in place.

Sirius walked straight into the vault and saw everything was obscured from view other than a small pedestal with a ring box on it. He strolled right up to it and opened the box. "Yes!" Sirius cheered when he discovered there was still a Black family ring. Without hesitation, Sirius removed the ring from the box and slipped it over his finger.

Harry was watching the other goblins when his ring let out a flash of white light that reflected off the wall. "Whoa!" Harry exclaimed holding his arm still in place. "The magic's asking me for permission. What do you think, boys? Should I make him sweat it out?"

Elder Rahdoh had looked up at the flash of light and replied. "I've never heard of the sponsor being questioned. This isn't right."

"It's okay. This actually kind of makes sense." Harry explained before playfully yelling loudly, "Should I or shouldn't I?"

"Dammit Harry!" Sirius yelled out from inside the vault. "If I die, I'm going to haunt you and be even more annoying than-"

Harry encouraged the Black family magic to accept Sirius and effectively shut Sirius up as the ring molded to his finger, confirming him as the new Lord Black.

Sirius came skipping out of the vault and stopped just before crossing through the magical current again. "We're good!" he exclaimed, proudly showing off his new ring.

"Finally," Harry said dropping his arm from where he was holding it.

Just as he did, the door to the vault rippled and became solid black. The two spikes of magic fizzled down to the beginning levels, and the two silent goblins wiggled them free from the ground in disappointment.

Harry stuck his ring in the center of the square and much to the shock of the goblins the door slid straight open revealing the contents inside.

"Cool," Harry agreed pulling his hand away. He stuck it right back again and this time the vault door slid shut with a heavy clang.

"Let me try," Sirius called out placing his ring where Harry's had been. As expected the door slid open again. "That's brilliant."

The two goblins carrying the magical spikes walked away into the darkness of the tunnels, while Elder Rahdoh sat back in the cart to wait on the two still living wizards.

Sirius strolled over to a small chest and found it about a quarter full. "Nice. We got about… eight hundred galleons here or so. Give me your money pouch. I'll fill 'er up a bit."

"Let's take a couple hundred galleons each," Harry stated tossing his pouch to Sirius. "That should be enough for some clothes and food and other immediate necessities." He was looking through an old box of parchments. "Hey! Did you know we got a seat on the Wizengamot? And the Hogwarts Board of Governors?"

Sirius was stuffing handfuls of galleons into both his and Harry's pouches. "Yeah, I remember something about that. Don't remember who it was that was using them, but they're probably not exactly in line with our ideologies. Go ahead and grab whatever you got that looks interesting. We've got a day of shopping ahead of us."

The two Lord Blacks packed up everything they felt like taking and walked out of the vault. Harry put his fist over the center of the square and the vault door slammed down, sealing shut. They hopped into the cart and Elder Rahdoh began the journey back to the surface.

"So you are Lord Black," Elder Rahdoh said looking at Sirius.

"Yup." Sirius said bobbing his head up and down, resisting the inner urge to stick his head off the side of the cart and let his tongue hang out as they flew down the track.

The goblin turned to Harry. "And you are…?"

Harry smiled and answered, "Lord Black."

Elder Rahdoh just sighed and went back to looking forward.

"Does this happen often?" Harry asked curiously at the lack of surprise from the goblin.

Elder Rahdoh shook his head. "I don't think it's ever happened before."

"Aren't you curious?" Sirius asked with a mischievous grin.

"Will it prevent me from having to do double the paperwork I now must?" Elder Rahdoh retorted at the two stupidly grinning wizards. He turned back to face forward as they remained silent. "I thought not."

"Why are you buying a bottomless bag? I've got my satchel," Harry said patting his man's purse.

"Well that's yours," Sirius said. "We both need a lot of stuff and I don't want to get our things mixed up."

"Do I have cooties?"

"I want my own, okay?"

"Why not just charm a bag rather than paying the extra for a magical one?"

"Do you know how to charm a bag to be bottomless?"

Harry opened his mouth to answer when Sirius interrupted him and clarified. "I'm not talking space expansion charms that just make little things bigger, but the proper ones where everything is easy to reach, cushioned, and protected."

"Buy your bag, you big baby," Harry grumbled. "Let's hit Ollivanders next though. I want to pick up this dimension's version of my wand if it's there."

Sirius nodded and got in line for the cashier.

"I'll wait for you outside," Harry stated, stepping out to look at the noon day sun. He was quietly watching the people walk by, completely oblivious to the nonchalant way a wizard was sneaking up behind him.

Harry couldn't even identify the whispered word but the moment the spell washed over him, he immediately knew the word the man had said.

Imperio.

Harry was scolding himself for not having been more vigilant or aware of his surroundings. His magic was jumped and ready to attack, but he didn't want to waste the energy it would take to snap the hold of the Imperius Curse blindly.

His confidence never wavered knowing with certainty that he could overpower the will of the caster. It just was immensely easier to do when you're actually given a suggestion or command that you could respond negatively to. So far the man behind Harry had only cast the spell and was waiting for something else to happen before giving instructions.

Harry saw people continue on their way, completely oblivious to his predicament.

After two and half very slow-moving minutes through which Harry kept reconsidering just expending his energy and snapping the spell, Sirius finally exited the shop. He walked over towards Harry, glancing briefly at the man standing just behind Harry facing away.

"So when Ginny went away, is she just invisible and around us? Or does she actually go somewhere else?"

Harry just stood there pointedly ignoring Sirius.

"Harry?" Sirius repeated. "Are you even listening to me?"

Just as Harry had hoped, the caster of the Imperius Curse mentally ordered Harry, 'Tell him to go away.'

'That was a mistake,' Harry mentally sent right back, snapping the hold of the curse instantaneously.

The wizard suddenly turned to Harry, who was spinning around to get a better look at his attacker. Before the man had even managed to fully draw his wand from his sleeve, both of his arms were jerked out to the side and his wrists were bent back snapping loudly as they broke. He yelled out in pain and Harry quickly cast a silencing spell over the wizard.

Sirius had drawn his wand and saw two other men apparate away immediately.

Harry was pleased to see how quickly Sirius reacted and petrified the silently screaming man. "Sirius, can you call the Aurors to come arrest this man for casting an Unforgivable on me?" Harry levitated him up and down an alley. "I'm going to get him out of sight so as not to disturb the people shopping."

Sirius just watched Harry calmly follow the man around the corner and ran back into the shop he'd left moments ago. They let him use the floo to call the Department of Magical Law Enforcement who were going to be sending some Aurors within the minute.

Harry led the man away and pushed him up against the wall. He spun him around and ripped the sleeve off of the man's robes and shirt, exposing the Dark Mark.

The man was in shock, pain, and was terrified, feeling helpless with two broken wrists. Harry didn't seem to have even needed any effort to hold him in place, snap his bones, and reveal the Dark Lord's symbol. He could see the power in Harry's eyes and didn't even realize that his thoughts were running beyond his control.

Harry held eye contact and attempted to Legilimens the wizard. He found the man's name was Gordon Smith and that he was going to use Harry to destroy the post office. Two other Death Eaters were there with the same instructions.

Smith discovered what Harry was doing and expelled him from his mind, demonstrating an average talent at best for the mind arts.

Harry sighed and stunned the man, "You're supposed to pick someone at random, and you picked me. That's bloody hilarious."

"Harry," Sirius called out as he jogged down the small alley between buildings. "Alright?"

Harry nodded and saw two uniformed aurors following behind Sirius, looking alert as they took in the situation.

"I'm Auror Billings, this is Auror Anderson," the man said, introducing himself and the female partner with him. "You say a dark wizard cast an Unforgivable on you?"

"I don't know him well enough to call him a dark wizard, but he cast the Imperius on me about five minutes ago," Harry explained and handed Billings the wand that Smith had dropped. "Pretty sure it's the last spell he got off."

Billings accepted the wand and checked it using Prior Incantato. As indicated the last spell was an Imperius Curse and the ghostly effect matched Harry's appearance indicating he was the target.

"Both of his wrists are badly broken," Anderson stated, inspecting the downed wizard.

Billings could see the Dark Mark clearly on the man's arm and so far had no reason to doubt Harry's story. "Care to explain his wrists?"

"I didn't want him to attack me again. I have no idea how proficient that man may be at wandless magic and I didn't know if he had any portkeys with him."

"So you broke his wrists?"

"Is there a preferred response to being subjected to an Unforgivable?" Harry retorted looking at Auror Billings.

"Ahh Harry?" Sirius jumped in. "As Lord Black, I know you're always allowed to defend yourself in kind. So a clear attempt on your life like an Unforgivable, means you could kill him perfectly legally."

"You think I should kill him?" Harry asked glancing back at the unconscious wizard.

"Since he's stunned, it might be hard to convince the two Auror witnesses that you were defending yourself," Sirius felt like the obvious needed to be stated.

"Lord Black?"

"Yes?" Harry and Sirius both said turning to the Auror.

"Damn," Billings cursed. "I've got to call my boss in on anything involving the head of an old family." Billings cast a couple of spells on a small card he kept in his pocket.

"There's a mediwitch coming to deal with the suspect," Anderson explained. "Would you like her to check you out first, Lord Black?"

"Naw, I'm good," Sirius said knowing she wasn't asking him. "What about you, Lord Black?"

"People are really this anal over the pureblood and Lord crap?" Harry asked looking at Sirius.

Sirius nodded. "Might as well use it to our advantage, Lord Black. Now are you sure, you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Harry said nodding towards the confused Auror Anderson. Harry saw Sirius looking at him expectantly, waiting to be addressed. Harry shook his head. "I'm not going to call you 'Lord Black.'"

"You have to," Sirius argued back. "I've got the ring and everything."

"Wait, so you're Lord Black?" Anderson said, addressing Sirius.

Sirius nodded.

"We both are," Harry added. "Though I've got more experience at it."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised to see you here," a new voice jumped into the conversation.

Harry did his best not to stare at the man.

Sirius bit his lip, not having expected this. "Nice to see you too, Assistant Director Potter."

"Mr. Black," James Potter greeted tightly. "Unable to stay out of trouble, I see."

Harry could tell Sirius was uncomfortable and jumped in, "If you're here in an official capacity, I believe Lord Black may be more applicable than Mr. Black."

Sirius resisted the desire to cheer out loud and point in James' face.

James Potter turned towards Harry and was obviously sizing him up. He didn't seem to recognize Harry or have any idea why he felt so familiar. "And who might you be?"

"I'm another Lord Black," Harry answered more calmly than he felt. "And I don't believe we've met."

James was not amused. "Which one of you is the real Lord Black?"

"We both are," Sirius explained showing him his family ring while Harry made his visible and waggled his fingers at the Assistant Director.

"Lovely," James mumbled making no effort to hide his sigh. "How is this possible?"

"Why is this relevant?" Sirius retorted.

"I'm going to need to explain how there are two Lord Blacks in my report on this incident," James argued.

"You really don't like us, do you?" Harry bluntly asked.

"I don't believe the fact that you happened to have been born in a certain family means the rules should be different for you."

"What rules exactly are so different? A clearly marked Death Eater cast an Unforgivable on me. Should I not have defended myself?"

"My apologies, Lord Black," James said the name dripping with false sincerity. "Now if you're going to refuse to share with me just how there are two Lord Blacks, can you at least explain exactly what happened here?"

Harry could see Sirius was very irritated with confronting bizarro Prongs, and proceeded to once again recount the details, beginning with feeling the curse wash over him and waiting until he was issued a command. He glossed over some parts indicating he simply used magic to restrain the wizard and break his wrists, not offering anything specific like the lack of spells required.

Auror Anderson left with the injured wizard and mediwitch while James and Auror Billings continued asking Harry and Sirius question after question.

"Are we ever going to get our shopping done," Sirius mumbled.

"Of course Lord Black," James said giving Sirius a condescending look. "I'm sorry the Department of Magical Law Enforcement consumed so much of your time. We will most likely contact both of you for the trial, and it's possible you will be required to testify."

"Come on, Harry," Sirius said beginning to walk away.

Harry turned towards them noticing James' eyes had widened slightly at his name. "We're done, right?"

James quickly composed himself and nodded. "Yes, we're done." He turned from them without even saying goodbye and apparated away.

Auror Billings nodded at Harry and followed after his boss with a soft pop.

"You think we can make it to Ollivanders without you causing another scene?" Sirius muttered in irritation.

Harry shook his head and fell into step with Sirius. "Boy you really don't like him, do you?" Harry said echoing his earlier comment.

"You couldn't tell what a pillock he's become?" Sirius snapped back.

Harry shrugged adding, "I'd never met him before."

Sirius paused realizing just what that statement meant and looked back at Harry cautiously.

"For Merlin's sake, Sirius," Harry grumbled hurrying towards the wandmaker's shop. "Don't waste the whole day pouting like a Malfoy. Your face might get stuck like that."

"I'm not pouting," Sirius pouted. "So what did you think?"

"I think… I think you're being a little unfair to him," Harry answered opening the door for Sirius to lead the way in.

"Whatever," Sirius grumbled. "All I know is the James Potter he was twenty-five years ago would be horrified at what he's turned into."

"Welcome," Ollivander greeted coming out from the back. "Lord Black and… Lord Black?"

"How do you do that?" Sirius said always getting a bit weirded out by Ollivander.

"We're wearing the rings, Sirius," Harry pointed out dispelling some of the old wandmaker's mystique. "And you need to remember that twenty-five years ago he lost his son and best friend, another best friend stabbed him in the back, and the last remaining Marauder was forced to grow up and be responsible for his new eight year old daughter."

"I know," Sirius grumbled.

Harry turned and addressed the slightly confused older man. "We could use a couple wands, holsters, and some polish."

"Which hand is your-"

"Right," Harry and Sirius both answered in unison lifting their right arms up.

"Creepy," Ollivander whispered softly.

Harry ignored the idea that he was creepy to Ollivander and added, "I was looking for perhaps a phoenix feather wand in Holly, maybe eleven inches or so. Got anything like that?"

"You know it is not the wizard who chooses the-"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry nodded. "Call it a hunch that a wand like that will choose this wizard."

Ollivander harrumphed not particularly liking the lack of respect he was receiving, and unable to unravel the mystery of these two Lord Blacks. "That is an unusual combination, but I do happen to have a wand fitting that description." Ollivander turned and went into the back.

Harry turned to Sirius. "I'm not saying James should be our best friend, but considering what he's been through I guess losing his sense of humor isn't surprising."

"This is most disconcerting," Ollivander stated returning from the back. "But I'm sorry to say I do not have the wand you seek."

"No?" Harry asked curiously. "Did you sell it?"

Ollivander shook his head. "I doubt it."

"What do you mean?"

"The wand is not where I last recall it being, but I haven't thought about it in many years."

"Did you lose it?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I do not lose wands, Lord Black," Ollivander stated with certainty. "I suspect I was the unwilling recipient of a memory charm. Had you not asked for that exact combination, I may never have thought about that wand again. Factoring this in, it is possible I did sell the wand, but I doubt it."

"You want some help seeing if there's a block that can be removed or a charm broken?" Harry asked.

"No thank you, Lord Black," Ollivander stated turning down the offer of help. "If there's anything recoverable I should be able to locate it myself. Now, was there anything else I could do for you?"

"I suppose I'd still like to purchase whatever wand you have that best suits me," Harry answered.

"Same here," Sirius said pointing towards himself. "For what it's worth, my last wand was twelve inches, driftwood, with a dragon heartstring."

"Curious," Ollivander whispered inspecting Sirius closer. "That is the exact same wand Sirius Black used to have. What did you say your name was again?"

"Sirius Black," he answered happily.

"Just a coincidence, I'm sure," Harry added with a firm nod.

"Of course," Ollivander said giving Harry a long look. "So says the other Lord Black who was inquiring about the brother to the Dark Lord's wand."

"Huh," Harry said slapping his leg in surprise. "I didn't know that. Small world, isn't it?"

Ollivander harrumphed and began going through the many wands he had in stock. For the next hour he kept handing new wands to Sirius and Harry to try, all with varying degrees of failure and on occasion slight success. The process continued until Harry felt a strong connection with a wand he tried out. Not as nice as his proper wand, but far more compatible than any others he'd waved that day.

Sirius found it hilarious that big, bad Harry was now the proud owner of a dainty little nine inch ash wand with a unicorn hair from a particularly vain male unicorn's mane.

Sirius' amusement lasted about ten minutes, until an 8 and a quarter inch wand made of driftwood and unicorn tail hair produced some musical, pink sparks when he swished it.

"Not a word, Harry. Not one word," Sirius warned as he paid for his wand and holster.

Harry was just smiling widely staying silent.

Ollivander was under no such threat and explained, "Your connection produced very rich, though high-pitched tones. That wand should be exceptional at delicate work."

Harry made no effort to hide his snort. He glanced at Sirius and turned to Ollivander, "Is my wand not so suited to… delicate work?"

"Harry," Sirius said warningly.

Ollivander shook his head and explained, "Your combination is less precise but capable of channeling more magic easily."

"And I didn't get any pretty sounding delicate tinkling bells," Harry said with a straight face, pointedly not looking towards Sirius.

"No, Lord Black, you didn't," Ollivander said while completely aware of how Sirius was taking the reminders. "It takes a special person and special circumstances to get any sort of positive response other than sparks."

"Let's get out of here," Sirius grumbled already halfway out the door.

"In case you need a reminder," Harry said to Ollivander. "You have a memory charm on you. And if you find anything out and feel up to sharing, I'm interested in what happened to that wand."

"Good day, Lord Black," Ollivander nodded as Harry chased to catch up with the once again pouting Sirius.

"Shopping sucks Slytherin's balls," Sirius grumbled into his drink.

"I hear that," Harry agreed munching on his fish and chips. "I don't know why I thought Hedwig might be in this dimension waiting for me to buy her. I'm going to miss that mothering little bird."

Sirius shrugged. "I think the owls we got are going to be fantastic. I can't believe no one had bought Smokey."

"Your owl has gas," Harry reminded. "I'm not sure there's a lot of demand in the market for owls with digestive difficulties."

"You're just jealous," Sirius said haughtily. "And where did you come up with that name for your new owl?"

"He picked his own name," Harry said. "I was just making up names until he responded to one. And if he says his name is Kid Killer McGee, who are we to say it isn't?"

"Kid Killer McGee," Sirius repeated. "That's almost a better name than Smokey."

"It is a better name. We got some clothes, owls, wands, personal things, a little bit of food," Harry recounted. "Next we should get a clearer idea of what we already have at Grimmauld Place before we work on redecorating."

"Remember I'd like it to pass for a muggle place on the surface so that we can entertain guests from all walks of life. Confine the obviously magical stuff to a few rooms."

"We'll have to do something about the portrait of your mother then," Harry said finishing the last of his food.

"Did you ever figure out a way to remove her?"

Harry shook his head. "Never tried too hard. Didn't really need to."

"Why not?"

"Oddly enough it was Dudley who provided the simple and often overlooked solution."

"Dudley?" Sirius exclaimed. "I wouldn't think you'd want to have anything to do with the Dursleys."

Harry shrugged. "Yeah well, Dudley gave the constables my name when he got arrested one time, and I was intrigued enough to bail him out."

"What'd he do?"

"He went streaking with some of his mates at a West Ham match," Harry grimaced. "He was the ham."

Sirius shuddered having remembered what Dudley looked like in Harry's third year. "So what did Dudley do to my dear sweet Mum? Punch a hole through her or something?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. He just moved a book case in front of her."

"Oh," Sirius said anticlimactically. "I guess that would solve the problem, wouldn't it."

"You know where we're meeting Tonks and Moony?"

Sirius nodded. "It's a muggle bar about a block from where Tonks' apartment is. Decent place with some friendly regulars."

Harry stood up and vanished his garbage. "Let's go unload our spoils and change into muggle outfits." Harry saw Sirius was still sitting there with a frown on his face. "What is it now?"

Sirius sighed. "Just seeing you use your proper wand makes me want mine that much more."

"There's nothing wrong with your new wand."

"I don't care about that," Sirius retorted. "Well not too much. It's just, as good as this wand feels compared to the others I've used, I can still tell it's not as perfect a match as my proper wand is."

"What happened to your original wand?"

"The Unspeakables said my clothes were destroyed and there wasn't one with me when I came out the veil."

"What about in this dimension? Do you know where that one is?"

Sirius nodded while chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Yup."

"Where?"

"Same place it's been for a quarter of a century, Godric's Hollow."

"Ahh," Harry said in understanding. "And you couldn't get it back unless you made your peace with bizzaro Prongs, and convinced him of the truth of who you are."

"I suppose if you wanted to do things the hard way," Sirius explained as his face split into a bright grin. "But personally, I think it's going to be much easier to simply steal it."