Jennie
#7. Go completely off course.
I slipped the Steinbeck novel into place and made sure the row was even. We were just shy of—wait, I checked my watch. No, time to close up now. I'd avoided Lisa this whole week, and their project was finished, our storage room a model of organization and access. Dang, I hadn't even seen her leave. Now if I could decide if I was pleased with that decision or not. I ran my fingers along the spines as I turned the corner of the bookshelves.
"Does he treat you like a little sister in bed, too? Is that really what you want? A platonic sex life with a guy who uses you as a replacement for your older sister?"
Lisa's words ripped through me again, shredding the pretty paper my relationship with V had been wrapped in and revealing the banged-up truth beneath it.
Ugh, I hated her for seeing our weakness by watching us for twenty minutes.
I shooed out a couple of guys studying near the doors. "I'm so sorry, gentlemen, but we're closing up for the evening." I gave them a friendly smile and walked them to the doors after they gathered their things.
I hadn't finished Alice's routine, but I wasn't a fan of leaving the doors open past closing, so I turned the key and locked myself inside. Beep, beep, beep. The alarm sounded on my cell phone as I slipped off my ballet flats. Once I choked my meds down, I locked the front door, too. One more to go.
I turned the doorknob to the storage room and opened the door. "Dang! Lisa, you scared the living daylights out of me!" My hand clutched at my chest in reflex.
She slung her black messenger bag across her body and gave me an icy smile. "Sorry. I was just packing up." Her jeans hung low on her hips, and when she hooked her thumbs in her pockets and stretched her shoulders, her worn concert tee rose above the waistband, giving me a peek of what had been burned in my memory since Florida.
"We're closed." One day I would not say the most ludicrous things around this person. Today was apparently not that day.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't lock me in. That probably would have screwed my weekend."
"Big plans?" Please say no.
"Yeah, I thought I'd have a party or two. There's this really cute brunette two houses down, and Jackson and Lee are both gone for the weekend. Nothing like having the house to myself." Anger washed off her in waves, and it was all directed at me.
Well, I could sure as sin give as good as I got. she wasn't the only angry one here.
"Then I guess it's too bad you're not done working here."
"What the hell are you talking about?" she looked around, trying to find the flaw that wasn't there. "We finished. We did everything your daddy told us to, and now we get to go back to our real lives." Fire flickered in her brown eyes, and my breath caught. she looked primal, raw, and I wasn't sure I was capable of handling her.
"Those shelves are a disaster." I laid my palms on the huge wooden worktable in the center. "Nothing is organized, and I'm pretty sure that table over there"—I pointed to the corner—"is fixing to fall apart at any second." I looked over my shoulder. "Is this really the best you can do?"
Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she crossed the three steps that separated us. I counted them with my heartbeats. "First, you're the one that did the organization, and second, this room is perfect. We're done. Jackson, Taeyong. Me and you. All done."
Ouch. "How do you expect to become a pilot with this lack of attention to detail?" I needed to draw her blood. "You're blind."
"Yeah? Well, at least I can see what's right fucking in front of me." She spun me around, and as I gasped, her lips landed on mine.
She took the opening, sliding into my mouth as her hands did the same with my hair. She held me to her, stroking the roof of my mouth, pulling away just to dive back in.
My shock lasted a heartbeat. Maybe two. Then I rubbed my tongue against her and pressed closer. Her groan vibrated through her chest, and I was swept up in everything…Lisa.
She pressed me into the table, bringing our bodies flush. She was massive, surrounding me as she drove me breathless with soft lips and hard kisses that tasted like peppermint. Need ripped through me like a shock wave, and I heard a moan. Oh, God. It was me. Yes, those were my hands at her back, fisted in her T-shirt, pulling her closer. That was my body arched into her, and the friction felt so good. she consumed me, owned me, and I loved it because in that second, I owned her, too.
I took her hair in my hands as her fingers drifted to my waist. On tiptoe, I tried to get a better angle, to feel more of her. Kissing Lisa was as necessary as breathing. She lifted me by my rear, setting me on the table. Yes. That's exactly what I craved—a better angle. I drew her lower lip into my mouth and sucked on it, then ran my hands down her chest and under her shirt to finally caress the lines of muscles there. Perfect. Every line of her was carved, tight, and trembled under my touch. She growled, pushing me down onto the table as she slid over me, dragging her chest across my breasts.
More. I locked one of my ankles behind her thighs as she settled over me, pressing her hips into mine. She was hard against me, and I rocked into her, aching.
Her kisses drugged me, taking my mouth again and again, and I lost myself in every touch, every sensation as my heart beat as wildly as I felt. She kept her hands on my face, bracing her weight on her elbows, her mouth never leaving mine, and her tongue ring didn't disappoint. Hunger rushed through my veins, all stemming from the magic she worked with her kiss. My whimpers mixed with a moan or two from her.
"Jennie," she whispered against my lips. "You're so damn sweet."
Her words sent heat rushing through me, pooling low in my core, desire inflaming every nerve ending in my body. I arched into her, kissing her with the same urgency that was unraveling me.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Stupid watch! I took my hands off her back long enough to press the silent button, unclasp it, and toss it to the side. It skidded along the table before falling to the floor. Who the hell cared about my heart rate when Lisa was kissing me? The world could burn down before I formed a logical thought. There was only Lisa on top of me, surrounding me, anchoring me.
My heart raced, pounding in delight, and I reveled in the utter abandon of kissing her. V would never let me take off my watch, or kiss me like this. she was too focused on my heartbeat.
V.
Oh. Hell.
I ripped my mouth away from the heaven of Lisa's. "Stop!" I gasped.
She jerked her head away, her eyes flaring wide. "Jennie?"
"Lisa, we can't."
She pushed up, caging me in her arms. "Why the hell not?"
"Oh my God." I covered my face with my hands. "What have I done?" I sat up slowly, tucking my hair behind my ears with shaky hands. In less than five minutes, I'd become something I loathed, abhorred.
I'd become a cheater.
She stood at the edge of the table, a breath away, and pulled me gently, bringing me to the edge of the table. "Don't do it. Don't you dare say his name. Not now when I can still taste you." Her voice was sharp, but there was something underneath it I couldn't bear to hear—hurt.
My fingers lingered on my lips swollen from her kisses.
V. V, whom I loved. V, who didn't deserve what I had just done with Lisa.
I cried out, unable to hold in the pain of my own betrayal. Tears pricked my eyes, welling and falling in quick succession.
Lisa wiped away the tears with this thumbs. "God, Little Bird. Don't cry. Please, don't cry."
I didn't even deserve Lisa's hands on me.
I pushed, and she retreated enough for me to slide out. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I ran for the first time in two years. If it caused my heart to stop, then it was only what I deserved.
I slid my key into my front door, on autopilot, and turned the handle. It was still locked. I turned it again, and it opened. Ah, it had been unlocked. V was here.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
I dropped my keys into my handbag, where they chimed against the unused set from the library. Ugh. Alice left me in charge for one night, and I couldn't even get the library locked up right. No, I'd just left…her…standing there. I leaned against the wall, the back of my head hitting it with a thump, and closed my eyes, trying to blink away the tears.
"Jendeuki?" V called.
I drew in a stuttered breath. "Hey, I'm here." I pulled myself together the best I could, slipped off my shoes, and walked down the short hallway. A quick turn to the living room, and I was in front of judge, jury, and executioner.
He sat on the couch, manuals spread out all around him. I took a moment and memorized him, the soft fall of his brown hair, the way he chewed on the end of his pen cap as he looked over his 59s for the training helicopter. He was such a good guy. He deserved so much better than me. So much better than someone who couldn't contain her lust for someone else—no, someone who didn't lust for anyone else. I had failed him on so many levels.
He didn't look up, just flipped the page, completely lost in his studies. "Hey, Jendeuki. How was your day? I ordered from Mellow Mushroom, so it should be here in about twenty minutes. I wasn't sure if you felt like cooking."
How normal it all seemed. How easy it would be to simply let it stay that way, to hide what I'd done. "I kissed Lisa."
That certainly got his attention. His head snapped up, and the pen dropped from his mouth. "Excuse me?"
"I kissed Lisa." I enunciated every word, letting them rip me open so I could feel the measure of pain I'd caused us all.
He shook his head, like he could shake my words from his ears. "You kissed Lisa. Manoban. Lisa Manoban. My asshole stick buddy? That Lisa Manoban?"
"Yes." I rubbed the skin of my wrist where my watch usually resided. Apparently I'd left that behind with my morals.
"Wait. She kissed you? Or you kissed her?"
"Does it matter?" My drawl was more pronounced as I drew out the words.
"Yes." His voice wasn't hard. Oh, no, it was soft. Quiet.
"She kissed me—"
"That son of a bitch!" He jumped to his feet, heading for the door.
"—but I kissed her back. I am just as much to blame."
V looked from me to the wall, his expression slack, his mouth hanging slightly agape. "You kissed her back?"
My nails bit into the skin of my wrist. "Yes."
"You liked it."
My cheeks heated. "Yes." I'd loved every second.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this? What does this mean?"
"I don't know, but I had to tell you."
He fastened his hands behind his neck. "Do you feel better now that you have it off your chest?"
Shame burned, coming up my throat like acid. "Mercy. No, V. This isn't something I planned."
"Well, what is it, Jendeuki?"
"She… I…it's complicated."
He dropped his hands and backed away until he reached the end of the couch. "You can't be seriously considering starting something with her."
Protectiveness swept through me and took over my mouth. "And what if I am?"
"You're kidding!"
"I'm not," I said softly. "It's not in my nature to go around kissing people who mean nothing to me, V. You should know that."
"Are you trying to break up with me?" He crossed his arms in front of him.
Was I? "I…I don't know. I haven't thought that far. It just happened." Could I stay with V? Was it even a possibility now that I knew what blatant desire felt like?
"No. We're not breaking up, Nini. I'm not losing you over a one-time lapse in judgment. Not when we've come this far and been through so much together. What do you think Ire—"
"Oh, no, V!" I shouted, anger coursing through me instantly. "Don't you dare bring her into this. She's in every part of my life. I carry her in my heart every day, and you don't get to use her in this. Irene would tell me to be happy and push me to take a chance. And you know what? She'd want you to be happy, too."
"I am happy!"
"Sure seems it."
"You're not happy?" His eyes flickered between mine, like he was searching for something.
"I love you, V. But you and I both know there's something missing here. You treat me like I'm made out of glass. Even making love is a constant worry for you! Tell me the last time you've let yourself enjoy sex, because it wasn't with me. Not with the constant checks to my heart monitor and holding yourself back."
"So this is my fault? You kissed someone else because I'm not good enough in bed for you? My stick buddy? I fly with her every day, Jendeuki!"
"Stop calling me that!" I closed my eyes and concentrated on calming my racing heart. All of this because of one kiss. One kiss brought my world tumbling down around me. One kiss transformed me into something I hated and broke the man I loved into pieces. One kiss that I could still taste and couldn't bring myself to regret. Oh, I was surely headed to hell in a hand basket over the likes of Lisa Manoban. "I love you, V. I have always loved you. You've been the one I could depend on. I never meant for this to happen."
"I want to know exactly what happened."
Images skyrocketed through my brain. Lisa on top of me, her eyes devouring me, the feel of her mouth caressing mine, the way she shot lust through me as though she'd injected a needle. "No, you don't."
"You let her touch you!" His anguish ripped me apart. "You kissed her!"
"Yes." I deserved this. I deserved whatever he wanted to throw at me as long as he didn't bring up Irene again.
"Do you regret it?"
"V…" Lying was something I couldn't—wouldn't—do.
"Do. You. Regret. It?" His voice shook me to the core.
I bit my lower lip, still tender from Lisa's kiss, and shamefully, I wanted more. "No," I whispered.
A cry ripped from his throat. "I love you! I'm careful with you! I know how to take care of you! Why, Nini? Why?"
Because there's something in me that can't stay away from her, that's drawn to her like a bleepin' magnet. "I don't know. But if I loved you the way you deserve to be loved, there's no way I would have kissed her back." I walked toward him. "I don't deserve your forgiveness or your understanding. What I did was appalling, and I don't expect you to understand or absolve me."
He stroked my cheek. "And if I want to? If I want to say, 'I forgive you,' and we go back to life as usual?"
I pulled away. "We just…can't. It shouldn't have happened, but I can't go back." Not now that I know what a kiss is supposed to feel like.
"I'm not letting you go this easily. People make mistakes."
Ding! Ding!
"Pizza's here," I whispered. Such a normal activity happening during the second-biggest upheaval in my life.
"I got it." V slid past me, taking out his wallet, and opened the door. "How much do I owe— What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"
"She told you." Lisa! I raced down the hall, but V's frame blocked the door. Lisa stood a good four inches taller, and saw me easily over V's head. "Your watch. I know you like to wear it." He held it up.
V snatched it out of Lisa's hand and narrowed her eyes at me. "You took your watch off? What the hell were you thinking?"
My chin rose. "That maybe I wanted to experience something without it telling me I shouldn't."
He grabbed my wrist and fastened the watch with quick, rough hands. "Reckless." He turned to Lisa and shoved her with both hands. "You make her reckless! You have no thought for what she needs, you selfish bastard!" He followed Lisa out on to the porch.
"V!" I scurried to get out from behind him. "Don't!"
Too late. Lisa locked eyes with mine as V swung, his fist connecting with Lisa's face in a sickening thud that sounded nothing like movie effects. Lisa's head snapped, and she seemed to blink it off. She thumbed away the drop of blood from her lip and rotated her jaw. "I deserved that for kissing her when she belonged to you, but you won't get another one in."
V cradled his hand. "I'm going to end you."
"V, please…"
"You're seriously defending her?" V shot at me over his shoulder.
Lisa looked at me once, then locked her jaw and shook her head at V. "She's blameless, Taehyung. It was all me."
"That's certainly not what she says."
Lisa's eyes flew wide as they met mine. Her shoulders tensed, her arms hanging loose with fists clenched. She broke my stare. "I take all her responsibility."
"Ha! If you only knew what responsibility for her even means! You're the most selfish, arrogant asshole I've ever met!"
"Yes. But that doesn't mean I'm not capable of being with someone—" she looked at me. "Being with you, Jennie."
My heart flipped, did somersaults, and landed in my stomach. She wanted more from me than just that kiss.
V swung again, but Lisa sidestepped as V tumbled past her. "I'm not going to hurt you, Taehyung, but you're not hitting me again."
"Argh!" V cried out, rushing Lisa, who took the impact of V's shoulder to her stomach as the two came barreling into the house, taking out the entry hall table. It skidded down the hallway in pieces as Lisa flipped her weight and anchored V to the wall.
"Fucking stop!" Lisa yelled. My heart raced, and I fanned my hand over my chest, wishing there was something I could do to make them stop before someone got hurt.
"Will you two knock it off?" My head swam, and I suddenly couldn't catch my breath.
"No!" V shouted. "You don't get to win this one. You don't get her, too!" He swung again, and Lisa simply moved, prepared. V's fist put a hole in my drywall. "Damn it!" He pulled his hand from the wall, turned, and charged again.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
V skidded to a stop a few feet from Lisa, his eyes finding mine in panic. "Deep breaths, Nini."
I silenced the alarm, closed my eyes, and slowed my breathing, taking deep pulls of oxygen that calmed my heart rate. "I'm…fine." Three more breaths, and the pounding eased, and the dizziness faded. "Really, I'm fine."
"'Fine' is the last word I would use to describe any of this. You're not fine, I'm not fine, and she"—he pointed his finger toward Lisa, who had moved to stand by me—"is the most fucked-up person you could ever choose to be around." He walked into the living room, gathering his things by the sound of it.
I couldn't chance looking at Lisa. I didn't want to see those eyes or even contemplate everything that had happened. I wanted to live in denial, ignore that I'd ripped the gravity out of my world. I wasn't even in free fall. Oh, no, I floated in a place where physics didn't apply. I was lost.
Lisa reached over and squeezed my hand, centering me.
V passed us without a second look, his backpack across his shoulder. "I'm not giving in this easily, Nini. I'll be around when she fucks up and leaves you broken."
He walked out without shutting the door, taking the last year of my life with him.
"Jennie?" Lisa questioned softly, but I refused to look into her eyes. "I meant it. Forget everything I said about distractions. I want to be with you."
"I just need you to go, Lisa. Please?" I drew in on myself and dropped her hand.
"I don't want to leave you alone."
I stared at the shattered remains of my entry table. "I need you to give me some time."
I looked into the mirror and saw her reflection. We locked eyes, and electricity passed between us like it always did, some unspoken connection that had just cost me what I'd thought was my future. "You get a day. That's all I can survive. I'll be here in twenty-four hours."
She walked out.