Set me free

At first Hinata thought it was just a phase. That it would pass, and everything would go back to the way it was. That they would love each other again like teenagers, that he would make love to her again with passion, that he would invite her for long walks, that he would talk to her about his days, his dreams, his aspirations, that they would finally have this child. This child she wanted so badly. But nothing had returned to the way it had been. Silence had become their new habit.

Hinata was knitting a scarf. It was already the third of the week. She'd made a blue one, a red one, and now she was working on a silver scarf. Her hands were deftly at work while her mind wandered from thought to thought. The girl was bored. And that was putting it mildly. She had never been one to suffer from loneliness, but lately it was more than she could bear. Indeed, the young woman spent her days alone in this big house where her husband abandoned her every day. She knew that Naruto didn't do this out of free will. He was the Hokage after all, he just didn't have enough time to devote to her. She knew this would happen when she married him, she just didn't think it would be this hard. After all, didn't she have everything she'd ever wanted? Wasn't she the wife of Naruto Uzumaki, the only man she'd ever loved?

"Don't lose faith", she often told herself, imagining the reassuring smile of the man with whom she shared her life. Her whole life was devoted to Naruto, while she had to share him with the whole world. Since the young man had realized his dream of becoming Hokage, he had been the most important man in the village of Konoha, and with his action during the Great War he was also probably the most important man in the entire ninja world. But he was also Hinata's husband, the one she loved more than anything. She knew she should already be satisfied with this situation, but having tasted love, she could no longer bear such solitude.

"When was the last time he touched me?" she asked herself as she continued to apply herself to her work. As images came to warm her mind she let out a long sigh. "Two months? Three months? Four maybe" she tried to remember. Naruto used to seem insatiable. He was constantly craving, and Hinata sometimes even felt she lacked stamina. How ironic when today she thought he was the one who was always refusing her advances. "Not tonight, Hima, I'm tired," he always said when Hinata made a slightly intimate gesture towards her husband. Hinata suspected that her husband had a lot of work to do and was exhausted, but did he ever feel like it? Had he lost all desire? Was it because of him? Was it because of her? Was she no longer pretty enough? No longer interesting enough? Hinata asked herself these questions almost a thousand times a day without getting any answers. So she knitted, again and again.

She knitted, but she also cooked. She cooked, cleaned, scrubbed, gardened. Always cooped up indoors, she kept house. It was all she could do. For a year now, she had been withdrawn from active ninja service, so she no longer took part in any missions. Naruto had told her that it was dangerous for the Hokage's wife to take part in missions. "You run the risk of being kidnapped or worse just because you're my wife", he had explained, explaining her disbarment to his wife. At first, Hinata had accepted without a word, understanding Naruto's point of view and, above all, not wanting to embarrass her husband in the event of kidnapping. But as time went by (much more slowly now) she no longer really understood the reasons for this forced isolation. Especially as it didn't just concern missions outside the village, but also any kind of activity she might have carried out away from home.

Indeed, for a time Hinata had worked at the Academy as a teacher. She thoroughly enjoyed the experience, feeling that she was useful. She was training the next generation and thus contributing to the ninja effort for the village. But one day Naruto had come home with cinnamon rolls and explained to her that she would no longer be able to practice her profession as a teacher. "Listen Hinata, people think that the Hokage's wife shouldn't be a teacher," he began in a gentle voice. It lacks a bit of prestige, you see," he added, scratching the back of his head nervously. Shino will replace you," he added, before shutting himself away in his study. Once again, Hinata said nothing. She couldn't teach? So what? She had Naruto, and they were both happy.

After that, Naruto had told her that it might be better if she stayed at home until they could find her an activity in keeping with her new status as the Hokage's wife. So Hinata stayed at home, but began to wonder if such an activity existed. Wasn't she doomed to stay here? It couldn't be that bad, could it? Naruto came home every night, and they even made love from time to time. But that was before. Before this terrible ordeal. And since then, he no longer touched her, came home later and later, and didn't even make the effort to talk to her. Hinata could have lived with a ghost and would have had more interaction with him than she did with her husband.

"You've lost too much weight," he'd told her the last night he'd been home relatively early. He'd been in the process of taking off his shoes when he'd uttered that sentence out of the blue. Hinata was chopping vegetables in the kitchen for dinner. She had turned around, waiting for her husband to come and greet her. But Naruto had gone straight up to his study, only to come back down again at a very late hour of the night, when the girl had long since gone to bed. But she hadn't gone to bed before examining herself from every angle. And it was true that she seemed to have slimmed down lately. Her arms seemed to have softened, and no longer had the strength they once had. Her legs were firm but lacked support. How long had it been since she'd exercised? How long had it been since she'd activated her Byakugan, she wondered, rubbing her eyes worn down by the too many tears she'd shed throughout her life. "Do I even know how to fight anymore?" she asked herself over and over as she tried to find sleep.

For some time Hinata had been sleeping on the edge. She was always on the lookout. Since Naruto was coming home later and later, she was always trying to wait for him. She could only sleep with serenity when she felt her husband slipping into bed with them. Whereas before they could spend the whole day under the sheets, Naruto now spent very few hours in their bed. It was already early morning when he tiptoed in (surely thinking she was asleep). The fox demon's host would then rest for an hour or two, and leave again immediately, never touching his wife. She always hoped he'd clasp her hand, kiss her, or simply touch her. But he never touched her. He didn't say a word when he arrived, and left in the same silence.

At first Hinata thought it was just a passing fancy. That it would pass, and everything would go back to the way it was. That they would love each other again like teenagers, that he would make love to her again with passion, that he would invite her for long walks, that he would talk to her about his days, his dreams, his aspirations, that they would finally have this child. This child she wanted so badly. But nothing had returned to the way it had been. Silence had become their new habit. Silence and absence were now part of their daily routine. And Hinata had no idea how to change things. She had tried to confront her husband on the subject, but Naruto had always shied away. He had always refused to talk about their situation, refusing even to tell her that anything was wrong. He acted as if things were normal, as if their love hadn't taken a hit, as if silence had always filled the walls of this empty house. This empty house, far too big for two people who barely saw each other.

So Hinata knitted. Over and over again. But she no longer offered her work to Naruto. She hid them in a trunk in the attic. She made scarves, gloves and sweaters that were of no use to anyone or anything. She knitted, then hid her finished work and began knitting again. She would prepare dinner and Naruto's bento, but would no longer wait for him in the kitchen. She'd go to bed and get up on her own. Although she went to bed before him, she always got up after him. She no longer organized her days around him. She now lived according to a completely orderly routine. She got up around seven in the morning and went straight out into the garden to tend to her flowers and vegetables. She would stay out until around ten in the morning, and then go for a bath. She never forgot to perfume her body and brush her hair. She never gave up hope that he would ever touch her again. So she had to be ready for any eventuality at all times. After her bath, she cleaned the house from top to bottom.

She would then prepare her lunch (some fruit and a rice ball) and get on with the evening meal. She then cooked all afternoon. She always prepared an elaborate dinner, but also made Naruto's next-day bento, which she placed in the fridge with a note. Always the same one. "Take care of yourself". Then, when her meal was ready, Hinata would sit down and knit. Once a week she went shopping, and once a month she visited her father and sister. She never deviated from this schedule, which was set like clockwork.

She never visited her former teammates or any of the Rookies Nine. She rarely saw them, either at the festivals she attended with Naruto, or at official village ceremonies. Deprived of her ninja arts, Hinata no longer felt at home among her former comrades. At times, she even found it hard to realize that she had actually taken part in the war, and that she had actually fought. She sometimes wondered if all this was just a dream she'd imagined, and that she'd always been a simple village girl. To remind herself of those old days, Hinata would force herself to stare for long minutes at the photograph taken when her team was formed. She also forced herself to remember that she had made the right choice in marrying Naruto. That it was everything she'd ever wanted. And that even if it was sometimes difficult, nothing could be worse than the dream world into which the world had almost plunged during the Great War.

Hinata was knitting when there was a knock at the door. The young girl frowned as she abandoned her work on the living-room table. No one ever came to their house. If anyone wanted to see the Hokage, they went straight to his office in the village's central tower. And as for those who might have wanted to visit Hinata, they could be counted on the fingers of one hand and never came if they had announced themselves in advance. "Children who want to play a joke?" Hinata asked herself, thinking back to Naruto, who as a child had painted the Hokage's stone faces. Her brows still furrowed and her spirits dampened, Hinata went to open the door. As she turned the knob, she realized that it might be dangerous to open her door like that at such a late hour. She didn't even have a single kunai on her. "Where on earth have I been keeping all my ninja weapons?" she asked herself, continuing her gesture. "Oh, what's the point?" she sighed before opening the door for good. In any case, even if it was an enemy, she'd still have the strength to defend herself until Naruto came to her rescue.

"Hinata"

It was Sasuke Uchiha standing in the doorway. The young man wore his traveling cloak, his katana strapped to his belt, and held several scrolls of parchment. It had been some months since Hinata had seen the last of the Uchiha. By marrying Naruto, she had gotten to know the former rogue ninja. She'd gotten to know the man her husband considered a brother. Sasuke Uchiha came to visit them when he returned to the village. Since the end of the war, the raven-haired young man had been traveling the world in search of repentance and a new purpose in life. On top of this, he was obviously Naruto's right-hand man, the shadow through which the light of the fox demon's host could subsist. If Naruto was the tree and leaves of Konoha, Sasuke was its roots.

"Sasuke-san, what are you doing here? " Hinata asked, surprised by the young man's unexpected visit.

Indeed, Naruto always informed his wife when Sasuke was in town. The two men even usually arrived together. Sasuke would meet Naruto in the Hokage tower, and the two men would return to share a meal that Hinata had prepared. But this time Naruto didn't say anything to her. It wasn't his habit, and Naruto knew that his wife didn't like surprise visits and being caught unprepared. Despite everything that had happened to them recently, her husband would never have knowingly omitted to warn her of his best friend's arrival.

"I've come to see Naruto," Sasuke simply replied, never meeting his interlocutor's gaze.

For a moment, Hinata wondered if she had gone mad. Had she forgotten that Naruto had warned her? Would he have returned home without her even realizing it? The young woman turned her head as if to banish these thoughts from her mind. She then realized that Sasuke was still standing in the doorway and that she hadn't yet invited him in. She hurried out of the way, and with a wave of her hand invited the young Uchiha into the house. Without a word, she led him into the living room, where she pointed to a chair where he could sit. She was about to rid him of his cloak when she realized that he hadn't made a single gesture showing his desire to part with his dark cloak. Hinata then took a seat opposite her guest.

"Naruto's not back yet," Hinata said finally, in what she hoped was a clear, resentment-free voice.

Sasuke nodded softly before letting his gaze flit around him. He looked at this immaculate house, in which no trace of dust had its place. The house was clean and tidy, and yet it seemed to the young man that something was wrong. As if something was missing to make this house truly feel like a home. Hinata looked at her guest without really knowing what she was supposed to do. She'd never been alone with the Uchiha before.

"Sasuke-san, have you eaten yet?" she finally asked after long minutes of silence.

Perhaps he knew more than she did? Perhaps Naruto had told her to wait for him here? Hinata couldn't remain silent without even offering him something to eat. Besides, she thought he was thin. "Does he eat enough when he travels?" she wondered, observing the hollowed cheeks of the raven-haired young man.

"No," he replied simply.

Hinata got up and headed for the kitchen. She had already prepared dinner for Naruto, so she simply served Sasuke a plate. She also took the opportunity to bring out a bottle of sake and two porcelain cups. She brought the food and drink to the table. Without a word, Sasuke grabbed his chopsticks and began to eat. Hinata was glad to see someone enjoying her cooking. It had been a long time since she'd seen anyone eat what she'd prepared. Naruto always had lunch in his office, and by the time he had dinner Hinata had already been in bed for hours. Hinata grabbed the bottle of sake and filled both bowls. She brought one close to Sasuke and lifted hers to her lips. The alcohol burned her throat, but also seemed to invigorate her.

Sasuke watched her empty her cup before starting to eat again. The young man ate in silence, taking occasional sips from the cup of sake Hinata had served him. When the boy had finished, he pushed his plate away from him and finished his drink.

"Thank you," he said finally to his host.

Hinata nodded gently and cleared the table. As she put the dishes in the sink, she heard the peculiar sound of a bottle being uncorked. Sasuke had opened the bottle of sake left on the table and refilled both their cups. Hinata couldn't help but smile, thinking of the last time she'd drunk more than one cup of sake. Back then, it had been Naruto who had carried her to their bed, where she had begged him to make love to her. He had refused. Returning to her guest, Hinata's smile had disappeared.

"When I went to his office Naruto wasn't there," Sasuke finally murmured as he took off his dark cloak.

Hinata didn't reply and simply picked up her cup as if to hide her face. She then took a sip and let the liquid burn gently in her throat. Sasuke was watching the girl again, and she had the impression that he could read her like an open book. Hinata lowered her eyes, refusing to meet the Uchiha's gaze.

"I was told he left his office late this afternoon because he had business at home," he added loudly.

"At home or someone else's?" thought Hinata bitterly. This wasn't the first time she'd heard that Naruto was at home at times when she was sure he wasn't. As she took another sip of sake, she noticed that Sasuke had raised his eyebrows. Had she been thinking aloud? Her cheeks began to flush as she cursed herself for letting such emotions show.

"You should go and rest, Sasuke-san," Hinata finally said, forcing a smile onto her face. You're working too hard," she added, rising to her feet.

She hoped that with this movement she would make him understand that it was time for him to take his leave, and for her to cry until she had no more tears. As if reading her mind, the last Uchiha rose to his feet before putting on his cloak.

"Thank you again for dinner," he murmured, readjusting his katana.

Hinata nodded again, unsure of how to respond to this second thank-you.

"You should tell him it's not nice to be out so late," he added, before disappearing in an explosion of smoke.

Hinata was about to say that it was nothing when she realized that her guest had disappeared. The young girl sighed, and set about clearing the table. When this was done, she bit her cheek until it bled, to stop herself sobbing, and went upstairs to bed.