(Season 6)

I don't own Bones, but we all know that.

Oooooooooooooooooo

Their relationship had been strained ever since he had asked her to take a chance outside the Hoover and she had turned him down. Booth had tried to understand what he'd done wrong, but all he could come up with was she was afraid to change things between them. She didn't trust him not to leave her if their relationship failed and he knew exactly who to blame for that. Because her parents and brother had abandoned her when she was fifteen, Brennan didn't trust love and she didn't believe that anyone would be willing to stay with her forever. He hadn't known how to prove his love was real and permanent and she hadn't let him try.

She had run away from him and their issues and like a fool he'd done the same thing. Why he let Colonel Pelant talk him into signing a contract with the Army for a year was beyond him. He thought about why he had done it so many times and his capitulation to the colonel puzzled him even now. He had a son that needed him. His job at the FBI was important and he was a rising star there, but he had been willing to leave for a year because Brennan was leaving. Once he had arrived in Afghanistan, he had realized he'd made a mistake, but by then it was too late, he was committed and there was no way out for him.

He'd found himself isolated from his family and friends and terribly lonely while he was there. He'd received letters from his grandfather and his son and the occasional letter from Cam, but there had been nothing from Brennan and he knew, he knew that she had really meant it when she'd said no to him outside the Hoover. As far as he could tell, she had gone to Maluku to get away from him and she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. She didn't write to him or email him. She didn't bother to call him and he felt that silence was her answer. She was done with him and he needed to accept that.

He'd found Hannah or she had found him. He still wasn't sure how that had happened, but it had and he'd fallen in love with her, or at least he thought he had. He'd become her lover and when he returned to the States, she had followed him back. Even though she had told him early in their relationship that she didn't believe in marriage, he had thought she had changed her mind and that's why she had followed him back. He'd been wrong about that. He'd let his needs influence him in a way he shouldn't have and now Hannah was gone from his life.

Brennan was still working with him and she seemed to be willing to be his friend again, but he didn't understand if that was all she was willing to give him or not. He didn't dare to hope for more. He knew that there was something drastically wrong with him and he was sure that was why no woman was interested in what he was offering. He was damaged goods and they knew it.

Still, Brennan was there and she was willing to help him with his nightmares and he felt it was more than he deserved. He hoped their friendship would grow stronger now that Hannah wasn't in the way, but he wouldn't ask for more. He couldn't risk losing her. That mad rush to Maluku had been a warning and he got the message loud and clear. She could be his friend, but she wasn't willing to give him more than that and he would accept that.

Oooooooooooo

He wasn't sure why he did what he did, but once he got home that night, he placed his pizza on the coffee table and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Before he could open it, his gaze fell upon his bottle of Scotch and he poured himself a glass of that instead. One glass down, he drank another and another and another, then stopped. "For God's sake, I'm not my father . . . I'm not him. I don't need to lose myself in a bottle of Scotch. I won't do that." He was a little drunk, but there was nothing he could do about that.

Tired, he slipped his shoes off and laid down on the couch. Staring at the bottle of Scotch, Booth sighed. "I'm not my father . . . I'm not." Unable to keep his eyes open, he closed them. "Bones . . . I made a mistake. I wish you would forgive me."

He slept for a few hours and once more he was plagued with a bad dream. He was standing in the rock quarry as the bodies of his friends were uncovered and he couldn't stop crying. He'd loved Brennan so much and he'd been too afraid to do anything about it and now the Gravedigger had moved his partner beyond his reach. He didn't care if anyone saw him cry. He stood near the pit as the car was uncovered and the bodies of Brennan and Hodgins were brought to the surface and he knew that he was lost. There was no real hope that he would ever be happy again.

Slowly waking, his face wet from tears, he continued to sob while he slowly allowed the dream to leave him. Using the corner of the afghan, he wiped his face dry and stared at the ceiling. "She's alive damn it. She's alive and my mind is playing tricks on me . . . I'm losing my fucking mind, that's what's going on. I'm finally going nuts and I can't stop it . . . I'm damaged goods and everyone knows it. Bones knows it . . . I know she knows it."

Afraid, he sat up and grabbed his phone. He didn't look at the clock and he didn't care what time it was. He needed to hear her voice.

Brennan.

Sniffing, he rubbed his hand under his nose. "Bones . . . hey . . . um, I'm sorry I called you. I just needed to hear your voice. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

I wasn't asleep, Booth.

He heard her, but he knew she was lying. Why make her suffer just because he was losing his mind? "It's okay . . . goodbye." The call ended, he placed the phone on the table and sniffed again. "I did this to myself. Don't blame Bones for your shit, Seeley. Just don't."

Ooooooooooooo

His goodbye seemed too final somehow. Brennan didn't understand what was on Booth's mind, but it was after two in the morning and he'd called her to hear her voice and to say goodbye. Afraid for her friend, she moved off of her bed, grabbed some clothes from her dresser and dressed as quickly as possible. Once that was done, she rushed into the living room, grabbed her phone from the charger and her purse from the coffee table and rushed out of the door.

Once she was in her car, she tried to calm down. "Okay, Booth is a very religious man and he will not kill himself. He won't do that, but . . . I don't understand why he called me to say goodbye. Something is wrong."

The last thing she needed to happen was to drive while she was too emotional and get in an accident. Slowly breathing in and out, she was as calm as she was going to be and she drove over to Booth's apartment. Parking across the street, she looked up and saw that the windows were dark in Booth's living room. The street clear of traffic, she rushed across it, took the stairs once she was in the building and raced up to the second floor. Finally standing outside Booth's apartment, she rested her hand over her heart and swallowed. "I'm coming in Booth. Whether you like it or not. You can't call me and say goodbye without an explanation."

Removing the key from her wallet, she was grateful that he had never asked for his apartment key back. She didn't know if that had been an oversight or not, but she had the key and she was going to use it.

Once she was inside, she moved down the hallway and into the living room where she found Booth laying on the couch. The light from the window gave her enough light to see him but not enough to see if he was alright. Moving over to where the lamp was, she turned it on, placed her purse down on the floor and walked over to where her partner lay. Kneeling next to him, she leaned over and checked his breathing. Relieved, she heard his gentle breathing and she knew he was asleep.

Since it was late and she didn't want to leave Booth while he was in an odd mood, she moved over to his bedroom, retrieved a blanket and carried it back into the living room. Sitting on the recliner, she leaned back and covered herself with the blanket. She had noticed the half full bottle of Scotch on the coffee table and the empty glass and she felt her partner may have drunk more than was good for him. "I'm sorry you're so sad, Booth. I'm sorry that Hannah left you and you think you're alone again . . . you're not alone. You can count on me." Closing her eyes, she let sleep claim her.

Oooooooooooo

Let me know what you think of my story. I appreciate it.