It hurt so much, to see her marine bruised and battered in a hospital bed. It had only been a handful of weeks since she saw her last, laughing and joking and full of life.

No! Trish reminded herself, looking at the ECG monitor: She's still alive.

Despite the steady pattern she had to look away from the screen, filled with an irrational fear that if she stared too long it would flatline like in the vids.

How could a year with limitless potential go downhill so quickly? Her co-workers hadn't even had time to break their New Year's resolutions yet.

Work had been pretty good about the whole thing really. Legally they hadn't had to give her any time off at all.

Well, technically they hadn't, but at least they'd let her work from home instead of the office and well... people used to say 'home is where the heart is' so she worked from Nikki's hospital room.

Tried to anyway.

It was hard to stay focused.

She knew she wouldn't concentrate any better at the office though. At least here when the worry and insecurity took her she could look up and check the monitors.

The nurses had been amazing as well. There was accommodation set up for family members of patients elsewhere in the same wing, but most of the time she fell asleep in the room, waking up with a blanket around her. They only kicked her out when they needed to change the bandages or perform other medical duties.

She couldn't help wonder how much of that was standard practice or if she was getting special treatment because of her uncle, but right now she didn't care.

...

Nikki awoke with some confusion, her last conscious sight and her next completely at odds with each other.

Her beleaguered brain just about processed that she must be in the ship med bay or an infirmary of some sort, but it short circuited when she caught sight of Trish asleep in the corner.

No! She shouldn't be here. It's not safe!

She can't be here.

Is she here?

Maybe I'm hallucinating.

She had to know for sure and stood cautiously, determined to march over there and find out. If Trish vanished as she got nearer or her fingers passed right through her when she tried to touch her then so be it, but she needed to know. And, if she was real? Well, in that case...

She collapsed to the floor with a clatter as her traitorous body mutinied against her.

"Nikki!" Trish woke instantly at the noise, her eyes jumping automatically to the bed and then to the figure on the floor beside it. She rushed over in concern, completely forgetting about the button to summon the nurses in her haste. "Nikki, are you ok? Are you-"

As soon as she was within reach the soldier grabbed hold of her arm, a fraction too tight at first but instantly loosening.

"Trish? You're real. What are you doing here? You shouldn't be- why are you here?" Shepard paused for a second as she struggled to get her thoughts in order "...Where is here?"

"We're at the Arcturus Military Hospital and I've been waiting for you to wake up." Trish stated simply, skipping past all the doubts she'd had that her girlfriend might not make it. "How are you feeling?"

"Numb." The answer came back after a brief moment of consideration. "They must have me on the good stuff."

A hand wandered curiously towards her bandages but Trish noticed and intercepted the wayward hand with her own, intertwining their fingers and giving a reassuring squeeze.

The distraction worked, Nikki's attention focusing on the point of contact.

"Do you think you can make it back to bed or should I call the nurses?" An involuntary smile threatened to break through as she saw the look of confusion as Nikki looked away from their hands and back to her face. "You fell, remember?"

"I didn't fall." Nikki grumbled as she accepted Trish's help to stand. "I was attacking the floor."

This time there was no stopping the quirk of her lips at the thought of such a ridiculous concept.

"Well, I think the floor won."

"Didn't." Came the stubborn reply and Trish quirked an eyebrow. "Alright, we'll call it a draw."

With Shepard safely tucked in bed, Trish placed a chaste kiss to her forehead. Just as she was about to pull away the soldier gripped her arm, the look in her eyes when she glanced down almost stopped her heart. The urgency reflected in her voice as she asked:

"What about the others? How bad are they hurt? They made it right?"

"Please don't ask me for more details Trish, I can't give them to you." Her uncle had said when she finally saw him. "That mission became classified to high heaven the moment we found out. I shouldn't even tell you this much but you need to know. You need to be prepared. Shepard... Nicola... She's the only one that made it back alive."

She really didn't want to be the one to tell Nikki. She didn't even know how to tell her.

For a brief, cowardly moment she considered pretending she didn't know.

Let someone else break the news.

Someone trained in delivering messages of doom.

Someone who... but she'd hesitated too long and the grip tightened on her arm.

"Trish, tell me."

"I'm sorry, Nick. I'm so sorry. They're dead."

"Who is?"

"Everybody Nick."

"What about Badger?"

Badger... as bad as it sounded Trish had barely given a second thought about the rest of the squad. She knew they were dead, but she hadn't known them personally and she was so caught up worrying about Nikki that she hadn't thought about the wider implications. Not until she heard the name and remembered seeing the man on vid call.

He had a wife.

"I'm sorry Nick, he didn't make it."

"What about Lim? Selby?"

"They're all dead, everybody's dead Nick." She felt a tear spring in the corner of her eye as she watched understanding sink into Shepard's face like a stone. The soldier remained dry-eyed even as her gaze hardened and went distant.