Talent Night in the Great Hall.

A/N: Usual disclaimer. Thank you JKR for allowing me to play in your sandbox. Everything that bares any resemblance to the Harry Potter world belongs to her. The rest is from my flight of imagination. A short installment for the Cabinet of Curiosities that takes place at the end of the Prisoner of Azkaban.

oOoOoOo

What if Hogwarts had a talent night on the last night of term before everyone went home for the summer? What if Harry was fed up as a result of Sirius Black not getting support to be freed by Dumbles, Minister Fudge and decided to let everyone know what his life was really like? With admiration for the man in black, Johnny Cash, and his classic song Folsom Prison Blues.

oOoOoOo

The Hogwarts elves had done a magnificent job in turning the Great Hall into a 1920's style speakeasy club. They had set up the hall as a nightclub with small tables for two to eight people scattered around facing a stage where the head table usually stood. All of them, except for two tables for the professors, filled with students. Bowls of pretzels and popcorn were on the tables along with muggle soda pop and candles casting a soft glow about. Off to the right was a small table with three chairs. A lectern was placed just to the side. A single wide isle with a red carpet ran straight from the center double doors to the hall up to the stage. To keep the twin Weasley menace contained they would operate the lights and sound system for the evening's entertainment. The elves were busy waiting tables.

Lee Jorden picked up the muggle style microphone enchanted with a sonorous charm and stood in front of the stage. "It is good to see the hall packed with almost the entire student body and staff attending! Welcome, everyone to the 632nd Annual 'We are going home for the summer holidays talent show!' The show is open to everyone and the only rules are you had to have signed up before this evening's dinner and your performance had to be anything non-magical. Please hold your applause until I've finished introductions. Let me introduce our judges for this evening's performances: The delectable Ms. Bones from Hufflepuff! The brilliant and beautiful Ms. Greengrass from the house of snakes! And Professor Minerva McGonagall from the staff!"

"You watch your language Mr. Jordon," stated professor Kitty with a glare.

"We have a number of prizes to give out all donated by the wonderful businesses in Hogsmeade! Included are Chocolates from Honeydukes, stationary from Scrivenshaft's, Butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks, tea for two from Madam Pudifoot's and the grand prize of a twenty-five galleon gift certificate from Glad Rags!"

After several minutes of clapping Lee held his hands up. "To record this for posterity, Colin Creevy from Gryffindor will be photographing the proceedings. We are in for a show. Tonight, we have twenty-one performers and some, I'm sure will be memorable. They will go in three sets of seven. A very magical number! Our first set is started off by Dean Thomas who will sketch a caricature of professor Snape in the audience in just a few minutes while you watch. His efforts will be projected on the Great Hall ceiling. Following Dean is the snakes own Draco Malfoy who will tap dance and do his rendition of Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway. The next one I really don't understand, but the muggle born among us should, the dynamic duo of Crabbe and Goyle will perform 'Who's on First' made famous by Abbot and Costello. After them Alcia Spinnet will juggle flaming torches, Oliver Wood will attempt to shoot twenty Tidily Winks in a row into the target Pot with a gold galleon squidger. Exciting I know! Rounding out the first set is Harry Potter who will sing a blues song of his own composition. In the second set we have Stupid Familiar tricks! Finally in the third set we have three Ravenclaws who will perform bird calls, a Limbo dancer, an accordion salute to the Polka, Baton twirling and an acrobat! And I assure you it is not professor Snape. What a treat! You're up Dean."

Meanwhile out in the corridor Harry was having a hurried conversation with Rita Skeeter. "Now Ms. Skeeter, I just want you to report honestly what happens tonight. In return I'll give you an exclusive interview within the next two weeks where you will have at least two hours to ask all the questions you want. And I assure you that you won't have to sensationalize anything you learn to blow the Daily Prophet readers out of their seats. I'm going to ruffle feathers and step on toes of some powerful people. Don't disappoint me Ms. Skeeter. Harry turned away and started pacing as Rita faded away and took up position in the great hall.

Hermione Granger watched as her best friend paced back and forth waiting for his turn.

"Harry are you sure you want to do this; you don't have to you know? This could make the headmaster very unhappy."

Harry turned to her and nervously wiped his hands back through both sides of this head through his unruly hair.

"That's just it, Hermione. This is something I have to do. The old man is supposed to have enormous power. He's the head of the ICW, the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and Headmaster of the so-called best school of magic. He's played up to be the second coming of Merlin and he refuses to do anything to help my godfather Sirius and sends me back to my relatives who hate me. I fear what they are going to do when I get back, especially after what happened to Aunt Marge last year. I don't look forward to being locked up all summer and fed a can of soup through a cat flap every day. I just don't care what the berk thinks anymore."

Hermione face turned white. "Harry, please be careful of what you do. I don't want to see you get in trouble. I want you to visit me this summer. Take the night bus to my house, get away from them."

Harry took her hands and looked into her eyes. She did not know if he understood what that made her feel. "Hermione, I have to do this. And I will come to see you this summer. Perhaps I'll see you in France, err; on the Riviera right? Know you can count on it." He took her hand in his and stared into her eyes a moment. He leaned in and gently kissed her lips, then stepped back with a smile as Hermione froze with a glazed look in her eyes. "Never doubt me my Hermione."

He heard Lee introducing him. "Time for me to go Hermione, wish me luck."

Hermione whispered: "Good luck, I love you Harry."

Harry smiled then turned to enter the hall when a gray blur barreled into his legs to hug him fiercely. "Mr. Harry Potter sir, Dobby knows what's to do and will not let's Mr. Harry Potter sir's downs. Break a leg sirs," and disappeared!

Hermione laughed at the look on Harry's face as he composed himself.

The center doors opened with a bang and Harry stood in a circle and struck a pose as a bright spotlight illuminated him. He wore black mirrored sunglasses and was dressed all in black. A black fedora on his head, black headband, black shirt, black trousers, black socks and black Doc Martin boots. He carried a black lacquered, highly polished acoustic guitar. He spun around and began to strut down the red carpet to the stage as Lee Jorden yelled into his microphone:

"Herrrrrrrrrrr's Harrrrrrrrrry!"

Colin snapped what must have been twenty frames from his camera as Harry walked the pure blood strut confidently on the red carpet, up and onto the stage and stood next to a small table. He picked up a goblet of water upon the table and quenched his thirst, adjusted his guitar strap over his shoulder then turned to survey the crowd as he stepped up to the microphone on its stand. He saw Dobby freeze Dumbledore and Snape at one of the two teacher tables and smiled at the elf and yelled into the microphone.

"Hello, I'm Harry Potter!"

While he tuned his guitar he spoke to the hall.

"I've heard so many false things about my life since I rejoined the magical world. So many books and articles have been written, all purporting to tell my story of what a wonderful childhood I've led. That I've been a spoiled prince like some purebloods in this hall.

"Let me say this clearly so there is no doubt in your mind: Everything you've read about me is a lie."

He let it hang there for a moment as everyone in the hall looked on in shocked silience.

All the Harry Potter adventure books are just fiction from the imagination of the authors and totally done without my permission. I've received not a Knut in royalties from them. I did not grow up a pampered price as some in authority like the dungeon bat want you to believe. Rather I've lived the life of the abused house elf. Hell, the Malfoy's treated their old elf Dobby better than my relatives treat me. Thank you very much albus! "

He let that hang there as gasps were heard all over the hall. Dumbledore was trying mightily to break free. He could not have Harry spill the beans.

Harry paused here to take another sip of water and watched Dumbledore struggle in his seat to break the bonds Dobby had cast. He noticed Snape with a concerned look in his face.

"Everything you have read about me is a lie. Tonight, you learn the truth about Harry Potter and how I've had to live. Hey Rita, got your dicta quill ready? So, without further ado I'm going to sing a song I wrote about my life. Some of the muggle born may recognize the music. This is my Durskaban Prison blues, sung to tune of Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Blues."

He began to strum his guitar then his clear tenor voice filled the great hall:

I hear my Uncle a-comin', he be a stomping down the stairs

The dust covers my head, in my cupboard under the stairs,

Yes it was my room for the first ten years, ya know

And I'm still stuck in Durskaban prison by Albus every year

an time just keeps dragging on!

I ain't allowed out since I don't know when.

When the locks are slid open and I'm pulled out of my cupboard

It's time to get up and slave over their stove,

I hear a lonely whistle from the factory down the road,

I'm stuck in Durskaban Prison, and time keeps draggin' on

That Walrus keeps a-stomping' on down the stairs

To make this freaks life miserable.

Verse 2

When I was just a baby, my mama told me, "Son, always be a good boy,"

But I'm in Durskaban for nothing I can recall,'

Dumped by ole Albus on my muggle relative's doorstep on a cold November night,

I can't use magic because I'm in a muggle home

Ole whisker puss Dumbles blathers about blood wards and protection

But when I hear that Walrus Uncle stomping feet on the stairs, I hang my head and cry

I'm stuck in Durskaban Prison, and time keeps draggin' on

Verse 3

I've been beaten, I've been starved and Dumbles keeps on sending me back,

tells me I'm safe here, but what protects me from my relatives you ask?

Why can't I spend the summer hols in Hogwarts or anywhere else?

Blood wards don't protect me from my relatives!

This place is my prison, it's never been my home!

I'm stuck in Durskaban Prison, and time keeps draggin' on

Verse 4

There are bars on my windows, locks upon the door,

They barely feed me through a cat flap and shove me on the floor,

While I know my so-called relatives be eatin' in their fancy dining room,

things I cooked but they do not share,

My cousin and his gang, play Harry Hunting for sport,

And well, they say I had it coming,

They tell me that's what I deserve

Not even an elf works as hard as me!

And ole Dumbles keep on a-sending me back,

My relatives free to come and go while I'm locked away

and that's what tortures me

Verse 5

Hogwarts is full of danger of that I can assure

Ask ole Dumbles about diaries possessing students

and dead professor Quirrell possessed by the wraith of Voldemort!

Ole Whisker puss knows my godfather Sirius Black is innocent,

that Petter Pettigrew instead betrayed my parents

Knows that Ole Bagnold, and Barty chucked him away in Azkaban and never had a trial

Minister Fudge was told but he believed death eater Snape

Is gold passing hands the way a pure blood was cast away in hell?

Ole Dumble's sits on his hands and says he cannot help!

I hear a lonely whistle from the factory down the road

I'm stuck in Durskaban Prison, and time keeps draggin' on

Verse 6

Well, if someone freed me from Durskaban prison,

if my trunk, boom and wand were not locked away

I bet I'd move on out of here before you can say Bob's your uncle today,

And even if its just a little farther down the road

Its far from Durskaban prison, an that's where I want to stay

and I'd let that lonesome whistle blow my blues away

Harry bowed to the shell shocked and silent hall. With a nod of has head, an invisible Dobby, disillusioned him making it appear that Harry disappeared from the stage. Dobby snapped his fingers and two buckets of slime fell on Dumbledore and Snape's head. Dobby then popped him to the back entrance of the Three broomsticks pub in Hogsmeade, where Sirius Black stepped out of the shadows. "Right on time Harry. Are you ready to go on holiday with me?"

Dobby handed Harry a shrunken trunk. "Hell yes I am! Sirius, let's go. I cannot wait to see the French Riviera!" he wondered if Hermione would wear a bikini on the beach.

"What are you smirking about Harry," asked Sirius. "Nothing, just thinking about going to the beach for the first time in my life."

Sirius barking laugh rang out as he grabbed Harry's elbow and apparated out of town.

Albus Dumbledore was seething in anger, his secrets revealed, his minion and tool showing a spine. How had he stuck him to his chair and silenced him? He would have much damage control to do.

Rita was cackling with laughter as she flew out of the great hall and towards the ward line. What a story she had to tell. No need to embellish here, the truth was going to be enough for a weeks' worth of columns. Then an interview with the boy himself! This could bring down Fudge's corrupt government. I'm going to have so much fun she thought.