"Was it really necessary to destroy those prothean ruins Commander?" The turian councillor's voice dripped with disdain and Shepard was forced to bite her tongue.

It took a tremendous amount of energy and will power to keep both her face and voice neutral as her inner brain snarked: I don't know, was it necessary for Saren to destroy that eezo refinery and blame it on Anderson? At least my explosion didn't result in hundreds of civilian deaths.

"I'm afraid so Councillor, I assure you the alternative was far worse." Her voice remained professional, no trace of emotion betraying her and the salarian jumped metaphorically to her defense. Even if he managed to sound rather condescending towards her as he did so.

After ripping every single one of her decisions to shreds from the safety and comfort of their ivory tower, despite the fact that she'd successfully fulfilled the mission objectives with absolutely sod all help or guidance on their behalf, the council finally terminated the call, leaving an absolutely fuming commander in their wake.

She knew she should check in on Dr T'Soni to make sure she was settling in, Chakwas had sent a report confirming the asari was physically ok, but it would still be better if she checked on her in person. It would help put the archaeologist at ease and assure her that she had her welfare at heart.

Unfortunately, after that call with the council, she didn't think she had the patience to deal with any more civilians.

Well... there was one civilian she was always willing to deal with, but a quick glance at the time on her omni-tool was enough to see that Trish would be asleep.

Much as she might want to vent about her new bosses, that particular form of stress relief wasn't available right now and it probably wouldn't do crew morale much good if she headed straight from the comm room to the punch bag.

An alternative solution presented itself as she remembered how the mako's steering had been getting a little ropey towards the end of the mission. It was her own fault for letting someone else drive really.

Or maybe it was the several rounds of demolition derby she had played against the geth?

It was hard to be sure.

Either way, tinkering with the mako would help calm her down while also looking like work to the rest of the crew.

Even the thought was relaxing and she hummed slightly in the lift on her way down. Her good mood lasted until the doors opened and she got her first look at the cargo bay.

The mako was already up on the ramp and while she'd have to get closer for a more accurate diagnostic… it was clear even from a distance that at least one wheel had been taken off.

"What the- Who the fuck's been messing around with my Mako!?"

"Uh, that would be me Commander." A flanged voice answered as Garrus emerged from the safety of the other side of the IFV and directly into the line of fire of her furious glare. "It looked like she was pulling a little to the left down there and I thought someone should take a look."

"And you didn't think to ask for permission first?"

"I did ma'am. I checked with Chief Williams. She said I better know what I'm doing but that us aliens were unrestricted so I could knock myself out."

Shepard barely bit back a groan as she recalled her off the record chat with Ashley. Right now she couldn't decide if the younger marine had taken her message to heart or had switched to passive aggressive belligerence and decided to follow her words to the letter to instigate this very situation in an attempt to prove her original point and sow discord between the spectre and the ship's sole turian.

"The guide to human idioms pamphlet at C-Sec said 'knock yourself out' meant 'go ahead' so I thought-... I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to do anything wrong."

Nikki sighed.

"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. The Chief's been in the Alliance a long time but only joined my command recently. I usually prefer to take care of the ground vehicles myself while most officers wouldn't be caught dead with a wrench in their hand. Why don't you walk me through everything you've done. Fair warning though, if you've used any omni-gel I'll make you wish you were never born."

The former C-Sec officer's mandibles flared in surprise.

"I thought you humans loved that stuff? That's one of the reasons I volunteered my services, I didn't want to be riding around in a vehicle held together by putty and prayer."

Shepard's lip twitched minutely in controlled amusement, her unease partially sated by that statement and she further relaxed as she examined his work with a critical eye.

"Not bad Vakarian. Not bad at all. Sorry for shouting at you earlier."

"That's alright, I probably should have checked with you first rather than the nearest available Alliance personnel. Also ah, don't take this the wrong way but once I've finished with repairs I think I could make some improvements to the vehicle's overall performance. The fuel injector for example, I'm confident I could improve its efficiency by 2.8%"

The commander shook her head and for a moment Garrus thought he'd pushed his luck too far until he saw the faintest trace of a smile on her face.

"The fuel injector huh? I've not had a chance to fiddle with that yet, it's still Vancouver depot grade and that's only one step above factory grade. I should be able to improve it by at least 3.69%"

The turian stared at her incredulously.

"3.69%? That's not possible. How?" Shepard chuckled.

"Oh ye of little faith. Come over here, let me show you."

...

"So, Therum huh? Please tell me you weren't anywhere near that volcanic eruption?" Trish asked casually a day later as she answered the call and Nikki froze.

"Uh... What volcano and how do you know where I am?"

"The volcano that somehow managed to erupt approximately seven hours after your ship arrived on Therum and fifteen minutes before you left orbit. As for how I know, I set up a data feed using the search terms 'Commander Shepard', 'Spectre Shepard' and 'SSV Normandy', you'd be amazed how many articles there are out there on you."

The spectre groaned.

"If it makes you feel better none of the reputable news agencies have published anything about Therum yet. I found that out from the extranet site: Spectre sightings."

"You're joking? Please tell me you're kidding, that can't be a real thing."

"Afraid so. Apparently Jondum Bau was last spotted food shopping in a mall on Mannovai seventy-nine minutes ago and Avitus Rix was chasing a drell and an elcor down an alleyway on Omega yesterday at 10:27."

"Really? Hmm, don't suppose there's been any recent sightings of Saren on there?"

"Multiple actually. However, considering he was spotted on Omega, Illium and Palaven all within twenty minutes of each other I'm pretty sure most of them are bogus. It's possible one of them may be genuine but there's too much misinformation to be able to find out which. Also I'm highly aware that you haven't answered my question about the volcano yet."

"That's because I'm still trying to work out how to answer without you threatening to kill me."

It was Trish's turn to groan.

"I knew it! It was too much of a coincidence, I just knew you were somewhere nearby."

"Less nearby, more... inside... Are you angry babe?"

"I wish I was angry. At this point I'm more sort of resigned. I had a feeling you would be there. I just think 'where's the most dangerous place right now and what's the stupidest thing you could be doing' and lo and behold, there you are."

"Aww come on babe, that's not fair! If that were true I'd have been toasting marshmallows on the lava."

Trish snorted involuntarily at the mental picture.

"Yeah that's totally something I can imagine you trying to do. Why didn't you?"

"Well, I was rather busy trying to outrun a volcanic eruption... but mainly it was because I didn't have any marshmallows."

Trish laughed.

"Idiot."

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot."

"That you are. Just remember I like my idiot whole and in one piece."

"Hey, I am in one piece! I've still got all my fingers and toes."

Trish raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Well... the same number I had at the start of the year anyway." Nick quickly amended.

...

Author's note: Don't worry Trish isn't always going to magically know the details of Shepard's missions. Any ship side conversations with crew members from the game that I don't specifically bring up assume they took place and Nikki answered professionally, with a touch of humour, some friendly banter and almost always in a paragon type fashion. I don't much see the point of just repeating word for word game dialogue unless I've actually made changes, she's thinking something important and possibly contradictory during the conversation or it's needed to help establish the time and place of the chapter.