Author's note: Much bigger chapter than normal today, originally it was two chapters but I finished the second one before the first one and thought 'why not?' Especially as a) I didn't update last week and b) it now means less chapters until the big reunion. I know you're all desperately waiting for that scene but I'm afraid a little more patience is required. As previously warned, there's some divergence from canon in this chapter in order to be true to Nikki's character, and I admit I'm slightly worried what you guys will think. Fingers crossed that you'll like it, but either way feel free to let me know in a review at the end, if you don't tell me what you like and what you hate I won't know for next time.
Anyway, on with the show:
...
"Illusive Man." Nikki wasn't entirely sure what she'd been expecting when she was informed she'd have a chance to talk to the mysterious leader of the shadowy terrorist organization known as Cerberus. It certainly wasn't this however. "I thought we'd be meeting face to face."
"A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know." The suave bastard answered, taking a sip from his glass.
"Oh, and what would that be? The fact Cerberus lured my squad into a thresher nest on Akuze? That you ran inhumane tests on the only other survivor? Or how about how you killed Admiral Kahoku for getting too close?" It probably wasn't wise to mouth off in front of him like this, but the way Shepard saw it they'd spent a fortune bringing her back to life, it would be stupid and financially wasteful for them to kill her now.
Besides she wanted to know what happened when she pushed his buttons. More importantly she wanted to make sure she could speak out against him, she'd watched more than enough sci-fi horror vids to be worried about her autonomy right now.
"I was referring to the reapers." He replied unperturbed. "While you've been sleeping entire colonies have been disappearing. Humanity is up against the greatest threat in our brief existence and I need you to put your personal feelings aside. Trust me when I say we are on the same side in this." Shepard scoffed at that, she just couldn't help herself.
"Trust you? Trust has to be earned. Why don't we start with what the hell have you done to me?" She gestured to her face, the faint red glow of cybernetics that shone through the thin cracks spiderwebbing across her skin. Apparently she hadn't been finished when they woke her up, whatever that meant! To her surprise the Illusive Man tilted his head in acquiescence.
"A reasonable request. Very well, I will instruct Miranda to compile the relevant reports from Project Lazarus onto a datapad for you. You can read up on it at your leisure." Oh, well... that was easier than I was expecting. "Is there anything else?" She felt a little off balance at how easily he capitulated to her demands and ended up just standing there, listening with only the occasional interruption for clarification as he briefed her on the state of the galaxy. She was unable to remain silent when he revealed the reason for bringing her back though.
"I didn't kill Sovereign, the fleets did." She protested. Forget the army, he could have built multiple ships for the amount of money it cost to resurrect me.
"Perhaps, but it wouldn't have been possible without you, and you did stop Saren."
"Taking down Saren was a team effort, I didn't do it alone."
"We can get you a new team. In fact I've already been compiling a list of soldiers, scientists and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers on the best of them."
"What's wrong with my old team? I liked them." The 'unlike you' was silent but most definitely implied.
"Nothing's wrong with them." The Illusive Man started in an attempt to mollify her. "But that was two years ago Commander, most of them have moved on." She raised an incredulous eyebrow, barely restraining herself from releasing a disbelieving snort.
"Let me get this straight. You spent a fortune bringing me back because of 'what I represent'. You plan to use me as a symbol to unite people against the reapers, and yet... You don't think I can convince my old squad to return and help me? I'm willing to bet that Garrus Vakarian would rejoin my team in a heartbeat, and that's just for starters."
"Perhaps. Unfortunately the turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even we haven't been able to locate him." The Illusive Prick dismissed quickly. Did you even try to find him? And if so, why?
"What about Urdnot Wrex?'
"He returned to Tuchunka, he hasn't gone off world in over a year. He's trying to unite the krogan clans." OK, that's... actually kind of important. Much as I'd like to have the big guy by my side, we'll need a united krogan if we're to have any hope of defeating the reapers, and I doubt anyone else would even bother trying. Let alone have any chance of success.
"Tali'Zorah?"
"Her loyalty to the flotilla is absolute, you might as well ask for Ashley Williams to turn her back on the Alliance." Shepard grimaced at that. Williams' blood was as red as any human's, but she bled Alliance blue.
"What abo-" TIM didn't even let her finish before answering this time.
"Kaiden Alenko's still with the Alliance, promoted I believe, his file is surprisingly well classified. As for the N4 that joined your team after the Battle of the Citadel, Gregovich, I'm sorry to tell you he was killed in action not long after passing the N5 course."
You don't sound sorry. Nikki opined in the privacy of her own head. She'd only known 'Tals2' for a handful of weeks but it still wasn't particularly pleasant news, even if dying was something of an occupational hazard. I'm living proof of that! She mentally chortled at her own dark joke. It wasn't that funny. In the end she elected to remain stoic, postponing emotions until she could work out what she was supposed to be feeling. For now she had a conversation to focus on.
"And of course Liara is elbows deep in some prothean dig site." Nicola wrapped up the list of her former team mates.
"Actually she's on Illium." The Illusive Man corrected. "My sources say she's working for the shadow broker, if so she can't be trusted."
"Shadow Broker? Liara?" The doubt was clear in Shepard's voice.
"That's what the rumours suggest, and so far the evidence seems to back it up. She is certainly operating as some kind of information broker on Illium. That much is irrefutable." So much had changed in just two years, Shepard reflected. Liara had had such passion for archaeology, what could possibly have made her turn away from it? Especially when the prospect of a reaper invasion made research of the past so important. 'Know your enemy' was a principal tenet of warfare and the protheans were one of the few sources of that knowledge. The asari should have been helping dig that information back up.
"OK, I get it. They're not available." Nikki momentarily closed her eyes, pressing the heel of her hand into her eyelid with a sigh. "So... Who do you have in mind?" The Illusive Man hesitated, seeming to show traces of uncertainty for the first time in their conversation.
"I'm surprised you haven't inquired about Trish yet." Shepard's heart rate sped up at that. How dare that devil speak the name of her personal goddess?
"If you've done anything-" She started to growl, only to be casually waved away.
"We haven't. We don't harm innocents, what do you take me for?" The leader of a terrorist organization, giver of the go-ahead into unethical science experiments, the personification of evil, take your pick. "I merely considered it strange that you inquired over your crew but not your wife."
"We were discussing potential squad members, Trish isn't a soldier." Nikki defended herself, but now the bastard had planted the seed and the constant quiet drone of curiosity that had been at the bottom of her subconsciousness ever since she woke rose in volume to a roaring raging torrent of 'need to know now' and she couldn't help asking: "Well, go on then. I suspect you know if you brought it up, how is she?"
"Alive and well. Still living in the same house. Although the last I heard she was with one..." He paused, activating his omni-tool to access a file. "Melissa Deltane." Nikki felt her heart clench at the photo. They certainly looked together. She forced her fists loose behind her back, thankful she'd automatically assumed her old military posture and not given away how much that information hurt to the man in front of her.
It's been TWO years. The vow was 'til death do us part', not 'forever together or forever alone'. You died, she deserves to be happy.
"Is she... are they happy?" She hated how her voice caught, betraying her in front of her enemy, and hardened her gaze to make up for it.
"Well I can't exactly tell you her feelings, it's not like we have her under constant surveillance, Admiral Hackett keeps a close eye on his niece and we didn't want him thinking we had an interest in her. Still, from what we can tell she seems to be." It was a reasonable enough answer and Nikki nodded even as her world fell apart inside. Just last week she had been happily married to the love of her life, now her partner was a widow with two years experience.
She wouldn't interfere though. Wouldn't get in the way of Trish's happiness. She loved her too much for that and she'd hurt her enough. Better that she stayed dead. Let's be honest, it was probably only a matter of time before she returned to that state anyway. She pulled herself together, trying to concentrate on the task at hand, but she couldn't stop the glib remark that left her mouth:
"I'm only surprised she didn't get her brown eyed asari."
...
Nikki focused her attention on the datapad in her hands, refusing to let her mind dwell on all the changes of the new galaxy she'd woken up to. As promised Miranda had given her a datapad on Project Lazarus but this wasn't it. She'd quickly scrolled through that one to make sure it contained the information she wanted, nearly threw up at one of the pictures, and quickly put it to one side so she could study it later in private. It wasn't good form for a commander to vomit in front of their troops and like it or not (most definitely not) the two Cerberus operatives sat opposite her in the shuttle were her squad for the foreseeable future.
Although apparently the transport at least was only temporary. Cerberus had been building a new ship specially for her, but the early awakening meant it wasn't quite finished yet. They assured her it would be ready by the end of the week. Of course if she hadn't woken up early then she wouldn't be able to investigate the most recent colony to be hit. TIM had gotten the news about Freedom's Progress going dark while they'd been talking and instructed her to go take a look. It was fortunate they were only one relay jump away.
...
It took a mere five minutes after landing for Shepard to be convinced that whatever was going on at these colonies it definitely wasn't slavers. Everything was too clean, there was no sign of struggle, no fires or broken furniture, there wasn't even any blood. No, it was as if the entire human population had just been beamed up sci-fi style in the middle of whatever they were doing. Which in many houses appeared to be eating dinner. It was eerie.
Her senses were on high alert as the squad methodically swept the buildings for clues and/or signs of life. Although the longer she spent here the less hope she had for finding the latter. Once again she had Taylor on point, Lawson in the middle so that neither of them could shoot her in the back. She was well aware that she had newly developed trust issues, but how could she not when they were so proudly wearing the Cerberus logo?
Then again even if she'd been with her own squad she doubted there would be any of the usual banter. The silence was the kind that you felt you had to honour, to try and make as little noise as possible in response, and not just for stealth reasons. It was like at a library or a place of worship. Of course Trish had considered those two to be the same thing. The brief internal smile quickly faded as she pushed the thought of her wife away. Now wasn't the time. She had to focus. A fact that was proven a moment later when she caught a flicker of movement out the corner of her eye. She turned to cover it and found herself looking at the first splash of colour she'd seen on this seemingly dreary planet.
"What about pets?" She asked into comms and Lawson turned slightly, a look of confusion on her allegedly perfect face, Nikki gestured at the fish tank that had caught her attention before moving on with both the conversation and her search. "At the other colonies I mean. You said all the humans vanished, what about other life forms?" She wondered why she hadn't thought about it before, a human settlement this size was bound to have animals, whether it just be scavenging pyjaks or domesticated hamsters and dogs. An image of Judy flashed through her mind that she forcefully dismissed, debating as she did so whether they'd messed up bringing her back. She was sure she wasn't this easily distracted on missions before she die-... well... before.
"-gone feral or found starving in their cages." Taylor answered her question, bringing her mind tumbling back to the present via a slight detour of the malnourished ball of fluff that Jude had been when she first found her on a mission all those years ago. That information was important somehow. No, not Jude. The animals at the colonies. Any further thinking was caught short as they passed through a gate and immediately came under fire. She darted into cover before trying to identify and neutralise the threat. Great, mechs again.
"This is new, the security mechs weren't active on any of the other colonies." Miranda informed them. Of course it's different, I'm here now. The galaxy never misses an opportunity to shoot at me.
Despite the mechanical nature of their foes, it was her team that moved like clockwork, dispatching the hostiles with ease. Even Shepard couldn't dismiss the efficiency of the Cerberus operatives as they worked together in seamless synergy. Jacob's pull and Miranda's warp combining in devastating explosions.
"Someone had to have reprogrammed them to attack, we're not alone out here." Someone stated the obvious once they were clear, although clear was a relative term, more mechs appearing as they fought their way through new parts of the colony.
"Picking up life signs." Taylor quietly murmured over comms as they approached one of the buildings.
"Don't open fire unless fired upon. Remember we're here for answers not corpses." Nikki reminded them as they stacked up on the door. "Let me do the talking."
"Stop right there!" Whatever the N7 was expecting on the other side of the door, it wasn't a room full of quarian marines, their leader issuing the bold demand as they raised their weapons at her. That was nothing compared to what happened next however, an unarmed (or at least nothing in their hands which she knew wasn't the same thing) quarian pushing herself between the two groups, a familiar voice declaring exasperatedly:
"Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this." No! It couldn't be?
"Tali?" Of all the quarians and all the planets in the galaxy, the odds against running into each other like this had to be astronomical, but there was no mistaking the pattern of the purple swirl on her cowl.
"Wait! Shepard?" The human felt her mouth widen into the first genuine smile she'd had since she woke up, as she finally clapped eyes on a friendly face. Well... figuratively speaking.
"I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives." Prazza interrupted their reunion. Don't blame you on that one. Nikki thought as Tali argued with the hotheaded quarian. Now if you could just aim your rifle at the Cerberus operatives instead of me, we'll get along just fine. Eventually Tali got her way and turned back to face the commander.
"Shepard, is that- How... you're alive?" Her former teammate seemed to struggle with the concept, understandable enough when Nikki was still getting used to the idea herself.
"Think so. I'm certainly managing the whole walking, talking, breathing business. Did you ever get a chance to eat that wedding cake? I hope it was alright? The bakery didn't seem to think graxen was an acceptable cake flavouring, but I remembered you saying they were your favourite snack and I thought-... I probably should have listened to them and gone with yannel berries after all." She only ceased her rambling when the youngster raised a three fingered hand to halt her, the faceplate hid the quarian's smile but it was still audible in her voice.
"It was nice, thank you. Certainly different, but I liked it."
"Good, I kept meaning to send a message and ask but I never got round to it..." She trailed off again, giving Prazza another chance to intrude.
"I'm sure this is fascinating, but why is your old commander working for Cerberus?"
"I don't know, maybe we should ask." For the first time uncertainty coloured the quarian's voice, instead of merely shock and disbelief.
"Believe me they wouldn't have been my first choice." Nikki assured her with a touch of bitterness creeping in. "But Cerberus spent two years and a ton of credits rebuilding me, now they want me to investigate attacks on human colonies. Figured the least I can do is take a look."
"Likely story!" Prazza protested. For some reason he was the only quarian other than Tali with anything to say. Or maybe the rest of them just had better discipline. "No organization would commit so many resources to bring back one soldier."
"You haven't seen Shepard in action." Tali jumped immediately to her defense, bringing another smile to the woman in question's face. "Trust me, it was money well spent."
"I certainly hope so." Shepard decided to ignore the quiet murmur from the three-headed bitch behind her as she and Tali discussed mission objectives. Hashing out a plan and temporary alliance between their two forces.
VERY temporary as it turned out.
At least the groups didn't open fire on each other, but the hunt for the quarian pilgrim, Veetor, soon turned into a race instead of the proposed co-operative endeavour. A race that ended with the flotilla's marines running straight into a heavy YMIR mech. With shields, armour, a mass accelerator machine gun and a frigging rocket launcher, the result was something of a massacre. As soon as Tali managed to hack open the gate that would let her into the loading docks, Nikki was charging through as fast as her Lazarus upgraded legs could carry her, shotgun pumping at the synthetic monstrosity before her in the hope of distracting it from finishing off the handful of surviving quarians.
"Anybody who's still breathing hit that thing with overloads. Lawson, Taylor, as soon as its shields are down I want one of your little biotic combo boom things." Shepard ordered before having to rapidly duck into cover to avoid a missile. Her plan to get its attention certainly seemed to have worked and she spent the rest of the battle dancing out the way of rockets, firing her own, more accurate, retaliatory bursts and throwing out seemingly random orders that never the less turned out to be highly effective.
...
Veetor, when they finally reached him, was clearly traumatised by what he'd experienced. However despite his mental break, he'd been able to acquire useful footage and data recordings from the attack. Recordings Miranda wanted to take back to the Illusive Man along with the quarian himself.
"What?! Veetor is injured. He needs treatment not an interrogation!" Tali chose that moment to rejoin them after taking care of her squad's wounded, her words triggering another argument with the humans. Considering Nikki didn't even want to go back to Cerberus herself, she certainly wasn't about to force anyone else into their clutches, but then she had a crazy, crazy idea.
"Lawson, Taylor, give us a moment, go wait outside."
"But Commander-" Miranda protested but Shepard quickly cut her off.
"Your presence is affecting her ability to think logically. Let me talk her round, I'll get us Veetor." It looked like the Cerberus agent would continue arguing but then they turned and marched out, leaving the Commander with a furious Tali.
"Damn it, Shepard I trusted you!"
"We need that information Tali." Nikki responded coldly but her hands told their own story, silently gesturing for her former crew member to run surveillance jamming programs. As soon as she was convinced they wouldn't be overheard her whole tone changed. "Don't worry, Veetor goes with you Tali. Just copy the recordings to a datapad for me, they can have that instead."
"Sure, but why didn't you just tell them that in the first place?"
"Because I want to ask you for a favour without them hearing."
"Of course, anything you need Shepard." She agreed without hesitation.
"You and your people have a way off this colony right?" The commander checked first, unconsciously holding her breath until Tali nodded. "Take me with you?"
...
Admiral Anderson normally had a tight grip on his emotions, he was the very definition of military stoicism. Then again it wasn't hiding his emotions that was the problem right now, it was even knowing what to feel. How could this even be possible? He reread the message again.
[Admiral Anderson,
I don't know if you remember me, but I was on Commander Shepard's crew during the hunt for Saren. I don't quite know how to tell you this but she's back. Commander Shepard's alive. I found her on your colony of Freedom's Progress or, more accurately, she found me.
I should probably reassure you that the quarian people had nothing to do with the tragedy on Freedom's Progress or your other colonies. We have only recently heard about the disappearances and you have my condolences. We were there to retrieve one of our pilgrims who had activated a distress call, he was the only survivor but he managed to record some footage from the attack that the commander believes you may find interesting.
Ah yes, back to Commander Shepard. My head warns me to be wary, that it could be some kind of trick, that it can't be her, but my heart tells me that it is. She looks like Shepard, she sounds like Shepard, she fights like Shepard (the security mechs had been reprogrammed to attack anything that moved). She even knows things that I told the commander in confidence, things that I've told no other living person and that I am certain she would not have shared with anyone else.
She asked me to contact you and see if it's possible to arrange a meeting. She told me to tell you "through the gates of hell". She said you'd know what it means and she'll happily give the rest of it to you in person. My ship will arrive in the Widow system in five days, if you would rather meet in Alliance space and not the citadel then that can be arranged but may take us longer to get there. I assure you this isn't a prank and I hope to hear from you soon.
May the stars guide you,
Tali'Zorah vas Neema]
The words hadn't changed in the eight times he'd read the email, but his brain was still struggling to accept what it said. Shepard was dead. Multiple eyewitnesses had seen her get spaced when the SSV Normandy was attacked and destroyed in the Amada system two years ago. The testimony Flight Lieutenant Moreau had given at the inquest had left no doubt about the outcome, he had seen the whole thing and continued to see it regularly in his nightmares.
Joker had been given compulsory counseling sessions and taken off the roster for active duty combat pilots. It had taken a lot of Anderson's influence to prevent him being grounded altogether. He knew how much flying meant to the Lieutenant and how crushed he'd be without it. He doubted shuttle runs were the same but had hoped it was at least better than nothing, then three months ago Joker had gone AWOL. He wasn't just absent without leave but also without trace. It was like he had simply vanished from civilised space. The admiral still remembered the man's chilling account of the commander's final moments.
But we never found a body. The traitorous thought passed through his mind. We didn't need to. There is no way anybody could survive that. A cut airline, exposure to a vacuum, The heat of reentry into a planet, the impact of hitting the ground at terminal velocity, she was dead! But no one found the body...
He remembered the rumour that had surfaced in the depths of the extranet a couple of weeks back; that Shepard faked her own death to join Cerberus. Of course the extranet was full of whacky conspiracy theorists. Alliance Intelligence had quickly dismissed the idea, they only even noticed in the first place because the thread contained enough keywords to trigger an automatic alert. Of course that meant STG would know as well. Hopefully the salarians had dismissed it as rubbish just as quick.
But what if... Cerberus could have created a clone, the technology was certainly there, the fact that it was illegal was unlikely to stop the terrorist organization. If there was an impostor out there claiming to be Shepard then they needed to be found and quickly. The damage they could cause if they got hold of Shepard's Alliance and Spectre codes were immeasurable. Then again...
He looked back at the email, the words: "through the gates of hell" jumping out at him. It was another of their codes. Not as complex as their personal 'bar code' designed to carry prearranged messages discreetly through a public place, but instead a simple identifying phrase. A lot of regular villa pairings had them. His one with Ryder came from Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven' but with several words changed. However none of the call and response codes had ever been written down or recorded on any villa database or anywhere else that someone could hack and discover it as being theirs. No. Nobody other than Shepard would know about that.
Was there any chance it could really be her?
Either way, ignoring this was not an option. He reopened his omni-tool, planning out his response.
[Tali'Zorah vas Neema,
Thank you for your message. It is certainly hard to believe, to tell the truth I am not sure I can. However I am willing to hope. Tell your Shepard I will meet her where we had breakfast after Operation Quagmire at the time the bell rings at the Villa. If she can follow those instructions then I'll buy her a beer.
Admiral David Anderson]
Nikki sighed with relief as Tali finished reading the message aloud. If Anderson had shut her out she wasn't sure what she'd do, who she could turn to. He was being a paranoid bastard about it sure, but that was only to be expected under the circumstances. She would likely be just as cryptic if the positions were reversed.
"Thanks Tali. Send him a reply, tell him... tell him I'll see him there, but if he's paying I'd rather have a double Jack Daniels and a shot of Tequila." The quarian froze.
"I thought... I thought you didn't drink Shepard?"
"I don't, and any impostor who did a half decent job researching me would know that and think him putting that bit about a beer at the end was a test. They'd state something about being teetotal or they've not fallen off the wagon yet and pat themselves on the back for not falling for the trap. But me and Anderson have worked together a long time, we've got our own private code. I can't tell you what we're saying but that beer was a question and double Jack and a shot of Tequila is the answer, for this situation at least. Just make sure you include the bit about him paying." Tali nodded although she still wasn't completely at ease for the rest of the journey.
...
The last time Nikki had been this nervous was her wedding day just over a month ago, or a good two years back, depending which way you looked at it. At least the ward they were meeting in was used to people wandering around in armour so she didn't have to deal with any strange looks. Just the risk of sniper fire. And unlike on her wedding that wasn't just paranoia talking. She'd counted three of them so far and wouldn't be surprised if there were more. Anderson was an important man and she was a dead spectre, she'd be more worried if he hadn't taken precautions.
Finally she caught sight of the man himself, walking towards her in a leather jacket and jeans. He sat down opposite her, not saying anything as he analysed her face. It wasn't quite shock that graced his features, the email had given him time to get used to the idea of seeing her again, but he still seemed incapable of finding anything to say. After a long silence Nick decided to start things off by gesturing at his civilian clothes.
"So... If you're off duty who's commanding the snipers?"
"Noticed them did you? Sorry, it's-"
"A necessary precaution. Don't worry I understand, I'd have done the same."
"Speaking of precautions..." The admiral raised his omni-tool, doing a quick scan for surveillance bugs, checking the results before he continued: "You said something about 'through the gates of hell'." Shepard nodded.
"As we make our way to heaven."
"Through enemy lines."
"First the victory." Nikki finished the identifying code. Anderson relaxing slightly once it was done.
"Damn Shepard, I can't believe it's you."
"I'd offer to prove it with a DNA test, but a clone would pass that anyway. You got any questions only I can answer?" The older N7 took a moment to think, a lot of their activities together were highly classified but that wouldn't prevent an impostor knowing the answer, it just meant that any security leaks or breaches were much higher.
"Tell me about Operation Invictus." He finally decided. "The true version, not what we put in the reports." Her face immediately lost all cheer.
"I was sent to infiltrate a merc group, everything was going well until they raided a competitor's base. They were after red sand but what they found was hundreds of slaves of all species, mostly kids. They didn't trade in slaves but instead of freeing them they started gunning them down. I protested but I was a lowly initiate, they didn't listen to me. Instead they pushed a young batarian girl in front of me, put a pistol in my hand and told me to join in. I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of to keep my cover during Invictus, but I couldn't do that. I broke cover, killed the mercs, getting pretty banged up in the process, then called you to arrange pick up. Alliance declared the mission a failure, you smudged the reports so it looked like my cover was already blown beforehand and I didn't get in trouble."
"You saved a lot of lives that day Shepard."
"Not nearly enough of them." She retorted. Anderson was as certain it was really her as it was possible to be about something that was supposed to be impossible, but he wasn't a fan of the gloomy countenance that had settled over her at the memories of that mission and decided to do something about it.
"Ok, I'm half convinced, one more question. Who ordered that pizza during villa training?"
"Ha, nice try Sir. You know I can't answer that question." She smiled and it was just as contagious as the last time he'd seen her.
"Alright, you're you. What the hell happened? Where've you been?" She told him everything, starting with waking up in a Cerberus lab, the talk with the Illusive Man and going to Freedom's Progress, right up until Tali agreed to give her a lift to civilization. He listened, expression unreadable.
"That's... A lot to take in Shepard." He finally commented, causing the spectre to scoff.
"You're telling me Sir, I'm still struggling to wrap my head round the whole 2185 thing." That certainly helped put things in perspective, no matter how surreal all this felt to him, it had to be even more fucked up for her.
"Ok, what've you got for me?" He gestured at the two datapads on the table and she slid the first one across to him.
"Details on Project Lazarus, aka Zombie Shep. Given to me as a gesture of goodwill by Cerberus when I asked what they'd done to me. With that in mind I'd recommend keeping it on a closed network in case any viruses hitched a ride on the pad. Honestly, I didn't understand half of it and the other half made me nauseous. There are also pictures that are..." She trailed off, trying to forget the image of her own mangled corpse. "Rather graphic." Anderson reached over, placing a supportive hand on her forearm. He knew she was rarely a fan of pity so didn't offer any words of comfort, merely moving the conversation on.
"And the second?"
"What happened on Freedom's Progress, as recorded by the quarians. You're going to want to watch that." He took her advice, eyes narrowing at the footage.
"Doesn't look like any known species, are we dealing with a First Contact scenario do you suppose?"
"People I was with seemed to think it could be the collectors." Nikki offered.
"Hmm, I've never seen one. It does match the description in the rumours though. The council always said collectors were supposed to be a myth, then again the council says a lot of things. What do you think?" Shepard shrugged but did so in a way that made the Admiral question: "Well?"
"I got no proof..."
"But?" Anderson prodded.
"You were on the ground during the Battle of the Citadel right?" He nodded. "... Fight anything that came off a spike?" Another nod, this time accompanied by a slight grimace.
"Any of them nonhuman?" Ever since Eden Prime she'd been fighting human husks but during the mad dash across the presidium she'd come across spikes holding what she could only assume had once been several salarians. The image had stuck with her.
"A couple of turians and a hanar. Why?"
"Really? A hanar. What did that look like?"
"Horrifying. You were making a point Shep?"
"Right, sorry... Imagine a husk." She raised her left index finger, then repeated the action with her right as she added; "and compare it to a human. Remember the thing on the spike." She gestured once more with the left. "Compared to a turian." A wave of the right. She hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling before deliberately tapping the datapad with her left hand. "Whatever those things on Freedom's Progress were, they kind of remind me of something I saw from the prothean beacon." Her right hand tapped her forehead.
"You sure?"
"No. Like I said, I've got no proof. It's just a feeling."
"If there's one thing I learnt from all my time working with you Shep, it's that your gut instincts are normally right. And if you're right about this then that means reapers."
"That would be the logical conclusion to jump to, yes."
"Shit." Anderson sighed. "We're still not ready for that, not by a long shot. The council increased funding for prothean research and archaeology, but details of the reapers is still very much handled on a 'need to know' basis in order to prevent unnecessary civilian panic." His gaze grew contemplative. "You said Cerberus even built you a ship?"
"Yeah, why? Oh, no. I don't like it when you wear that face Sir."
"What face?"
"The one you got on right now. Last time you looked at me like that you sent me into a krogan gambling den as a distraction so your team could sneak into the warehouse next door undetected."
"Distractions are a common enough tactic."
"Yes but this particular distraction involved me walking in alone and asking if they had a license for varren fighting. I got bitten by a krogan and head butted by a varren and I still can't work out if the story would be better or worse if it happened the other way round!" He chuckled.
"It was a rather impressive distraction."
"It's no use you buttering me up Sir, I'm still not going to like what you're about to say."
"If it's any consolation I hate myself for even suggesting it."
"Yeah, that's not improving my sense of trepidation. Just say it already."
"I need you to go back. Use Cerberus resources to investigate and combat this threat."
"You what?! I only just escaped!"
"I know Shepard, and I'm sorry. Believe me I hate that organization and everything they stand for just as much as you do, but they're right about one thing; the Alliance is stretched too thin to be capable of combating this. We still haven't fully rebuilt the fleets from our losses in the Battle of the Citadel, let alone made progress on our new allowances as a council race. I blame the Andromeda Initiative for that."
"The what?" Nikki interrupted. For a moment Anderson looked confused by her ignorance before realisation struck.
"Oh yeah, you weren't around for that. The Andromeda Initiative. They're a large multi-species private exploration group with plans to travel under cryogenic stasis to the Andromeda galaxy. I don't know who's funding them but they've got bigger pockets than the Alliance, there's only so many working ship building yards in the galaxy and the free market means they work for the highest bidder."
"Great, just what we need in the run up to war." Shepard scoffed.
"I know. Truth is Shepard, hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished, but the attacks have been too random and spread out for us to respond. Until this footage we thought Cerberus themselves might be behind the attacks. They certainly seemed to be lurking around in the vicinity afterwards often enough."
"They do give off such a wonderfully evil vibe as well. Particularly with their history. Which brings me back to my original point. No. I can't do it Sir, not after everything Toombsey said about Akuze."
"I understand your feelings Shepard, but Cerberus may well be the only ones with the resources to stop this, and every credit they spend on combating the collectors is a credit not being spent on any of their... other endeavours."
"I get that Sir, I really do, but I'm not the only N7 in the galaxy. Can't we send someone else instead?"
"I wish we could. We've never been able to infiltrate Cerberus and they've never shown any willingness to work with us in the past. Not to mention the political backlash that would unfold if we did. But they brought you back specifically to fight this. That means they're willing to work with you, you have a chance nobody else has."
"Yeah, a chance to get a control chip in my head!" She scoffed.
"From what you've told me so far I don't think that's likely. I'm sure they'll do their damnedest to try manipulating you, but it sounds like they wanted to bring you back exactly as you were and from what I've seen so far I'd say they succeeded."
"And what about the political backlash?" Shepard tried arguing.
"You're a spectre, it's practically expected that you'll sometimes work with dubious acquaintances.
"I still can't trust them Sir. I can't relax my guard, I won't even be able to sleep properly knowing they're on the same ship as me. You of all people know how exhausting it is being that wired all the time, and yet you still want to send me back out there alone?"
"You might not have to do it alone." He paused a moment, thinking. "Hmm, yes that might work. What would you say to Karin Chakwas going with you?" She looked at him in disbelief.
"Seriously? It's bad enough you want to throw me to the three headed hellhound, you're willing to order Chakwas there too? I'm not that cruel Sir."
"I wasn't planning on ordering her. I was going to ask. Give her a choice. She's spent the past two years on Mars; checking everyone entering or leaving the prothean archives for signs of indoctrination, along with other minor colony ailments. I'm sure she'd jump at the chance of another ship posting, even if it means she has to put up with you again."
"Gee, thanks." The sarcasm rose instinctively in response to his teasing. "I still don't like it Sir. Besides who says they'll even agree to her coming with me?"
"You've got to remember they put the money and effort into resurrecting you Shepard, they're going to want you back. And right now you get to negotiate the conditions of any collaboration with them from a position of strength." She averted her gaze from him, running her hands through her hair.
"Look... I know I've got no right to ask this of you Shepard, and if I could think of any other way then I wouldn't, but believe me I've been thinking for over a year now and I've got nothing. I swore an oath to protect the people and planets of the Systems Alliance and I'm failing. This is the only thing we've not tried yet." It was around this point that Shepard realised Anderson didn't need any fancy tech to control her. Her old friend and mentor knew her well enough that he already knew just what buttons to press to manipulate her.
"And no I can't order you, and I sure as hell wouldn't blame you if you refused, but you have to consider the alternative. What happens if you just come back to us now? You know the brass will have you in debriefings for months, asking the same damn questions over and over again. And all the while more colonies are attacked, more people vanishing, more-"
"Fuck." She swore vehemently, cutting him off and fidgeting uneasily in her seat. "I hate you Sir, I hope you know that."
"Right now I hate me too."
"If this goes wrong I'm going to hate you even more."
"Understood."
"If I end up with a control chip in my brain, I'm killing you first."
"Fair enough." She looked up at him, a hundred different emotions warring across her face, before her fist slammed down onto the table.
"Fuck!" With a deep breath and the shallowest of nods she signified her reluctant consent. "Fine, give Chakwas a call. I'd rather have a squad of N-babies with me, but I'll take whatever back up I can get."
"Thank you Shepard." The admiral leant forward to offer his support but she brushed him off. The action hurt more than he'd admit, even though he knew he deserved it. His devotion to duty had already destroyed his marriage, he hoped it wouldn't cost him his friendship with Shepard too.
"I better start working on my list of demands." She informed him as she stood to leave. "I sure as hell ain't wearing their sodding uniform."