Chapter Nine

Can We Go Back And Start Again?

I stood among the rocks and scrub at the top of the cliff edge above Montecito's Butterfly Beach and watched the sun descend the eggshell blue of the cloudless sky toward the azure waters of the Pacific Ocean. I held my camera at the ready, waiting for that precise moment when the blazing star finally touched the far horizon and set the world on fire.

I'd just lifted the viewfinder to my left eye, inhaling and holding my breath, when I sensed someone had moved up behind me. I knew, without turning, who was there, waiting patiently beside the flower-draped wooden barrier fence that separated the fragile cliff tops from the narrow roadway.

I didn't move as I clicked the shutter and took the perfect shot. I managed a second and then a third before the breathless moment was gone.

"Hello, Kitt," I said then, without turning my head.

"Good afternoon, Devon," the car replied politely. "I trust you have been well since we last saw each other."

"Very well, thank you. Did Michael send you out here to find me?" I asked as I turned from the glorious view and surmounted the barrier.

"Oh, no," Kitt said primly. "As you well know, I am quite capable of independent thought. When you telephoned last week to say you were coming up to visit us for Christmas, I knew where you would be."

"I see…" I stopped in front of him, frowning down at that single, moving red eye that seemed to see much more than any of us were aware. "Am I that transparent? But it is a magnificent view." I looked back to the sun now sinking into the ocean.

On the other side of the roadway, lights began to wink on in the expansive houses that sat on the sweeping elevation above the curve of the beach cliffs. I looked further down the coast toward the big, two-storied, red-tiled, Spanish colonial that Michael and Stevie now owned. I knew they were waiting for me to arrive for another visit.

They often joked that I might as well move in, I was there so often. I didn't tell them I'd come to resent my own company now that I didn't have FLAG to occupy my every waking minute.

"Your excellent photography work has quite captured peoples' imagination over the last few months," Kitt continued. "I understand your most recent exhibition in New York was completely sold out. Congratulations."

I nodded. "Thank you." I looked back at the view. "Now I need to find some new material. I have a spring exhibition opening in London in three months."

I shook my head with wonder at how much my life had changed in such a small amount of time. My photography has always been a hobby I tinkered with. I had never intended it to become the mainstay of my existence but now I couldn't imagine my life without it.

Over the last six months, the work has taken me to so many new places. I had become quite the gipsy living out of suitcases and hotel rooms. But that new life was already beginning to pall. There was an emptiness I couldn't avoid in the long hours of darkness when my dreams were filled with memories of another time and place. I decided I needed to settle down, buy a house and make a fresh start.

There was only one thing missing in all my plans. One vital piece without which my new life, at times, seemed as frustrating and barren as the old one with FLAG.

'Luciana…' my heart whispered, knowing it was impossible.

Carolyn had made it quite clear that the break between us was permanent and irrevocable. Through her son's business address, she'd repaid every cent of the money I'd spent on her hospital care and that had been the end. She had left no forwarding address and no telephone number.

She left my life as abruptly as she had re-entered it. I couldn't blame her. We should have sat down and talked things through while there was still time. If I ever saw her again that's exactly what I would do. But the opportunities seemed very remote and unattainable.

Of course, I could ask Michael to track her down and he would be happy to oblige. But that wouldn't be fair. I would not become a stalker.

Then, Carolyn's son, Edward – a man I never expected to hear from again – contacted me several days ago. I was still getting used to thinking of him as my son. We talked for some time, clearing the air between us. He outlined his ongoing concerns for his mother's welfare, but we managed to find enough common ground to agree that we should meet up in person after I returned from London. I knew it was a huge concession on his part and I was grateful he'd made the first move.

My heart lifted even as he insisted that our conversation was to be kept strictly between us for now. I was happy to agree. We were taking our first steps down a very long road toward a distant reunion. Would Carolyn be there too? I tried hard not to get ahead of myself and anticipate too much.

"I am very pleased for your ongoing success, Devon," Kitt said now. His single red light moved from side to side in his hood as he appeared to be debating something. "Well, I might have an idea or two about where you could find some new material. Somewhere you have never travelled."

"Okay, I'm listening…" I waited, knowing he would get around to whatever it was in his own good time.

"Not here. Not now. Come on up to the house," he finally said. "They are all waiting for you. Get in and I'll give you a ride." The driver's door swung open invitingly.

"Fine by me." I shrugged and didn't argue. I knew it was pointless.

※※※※※

My Christmas was quiet and uneventful. I spent the time at my daughter's house across the city from mine while Maria went home to be with her own family. Edward and Danny came to stay with us for a few days and it was good for us all to be together again as a family.

Of course, Lucy fussed around me, mollycoddled and pampered me like a worried hen with a single errant chick. I sighed, even as I allowed it all without complaint. At times, I felt her watching me whenever she thought I wasn't looking in her direction. She appeared troubled by something, but she never came right out and said what was worrying her.

"Are you okay, Mum?" she finally asked, after another long frown of concern. "I mean, really, truly okay, after all you've been through? Do you need to see your doctor again? I can arrange another appointment."

"I'm fine," I denied quickly. "More than fine. I'm almost back to normal. Please don't worry about me. Maria does enough of that already."

"If you say so," she replied softly, as she shrugged. "For my money I do think it's about time you took a holiday. You need to get away from it all. Somewhere nice and quiet where you can recharge your batteries."

"Thank you, but I am happy enough as I am," I denied her concerns as I hugged her.

To her credit, Lucy left it there, but she continued to watch me as if I was an intense puzzle she was determined to solve. I was equally determined not to give her anything more she could worry about.

She would be returning to Paris soon, to resume her teaching position. That work had been interrupted by my being grievously injured. She was looking forward to going, but hesitant to leave me behind. So, I put on my best face and tried to appear as if I wasn't lacking anything in my life.

When he finally arrived, my eldest child did not ask about Devon, so I didn't wish to broach the subject. He didn't say if he had been in contact with him and I didn't push the issue. It left me feeling dissatisfied. But maybe some things were better left where they were, in the past.

And then, I also caught Edward watching me with deep concern in his blue eyes. At times, he appeared to be about to say something then changed his mind.

I was grateful for my Danny. He was too caught up in his latest romance to worry about his mother's emotional state. He was easy company and he made me laugh.

I returned to my own home two days after Christmas and the work I had to complete in the year ahead. I felt better than I had in many months. I was replete and happy with my lot in life. Or so I told myself until the long hours of darkness brought me my troubling dreams again.

The image of Edward Grainger inside my mind was now older and more mature. He was still tall, masculine and vital - as sexy as hell - but there was a sharp edge of bitterness to him now. As if he had finally gotten the girl, only to discover he'd made some kind of terrible mistake and allowed her to slip through his fingers without any hope of winning her back.

I shook my head in bewilderment as I slipped one hand beneath the collar of my shirt to trace the thin line of the scar on my left shoulder with my forefinger. It had all been a tragic accident, engineered by a bleak criminal mind. I'd accepted that. It was not Devon's fault. The memories were always there, but the intense pain and the snarling face of the gunman had long since faded. I didn't need the morphine to dull them now and I was pleased with that.

'Please don't leave me here, alone in the dark...' I jerked my hand away from my wound as I heard Devon's pleading voice say those words again.

I sighed long and low, wishing I could go back and change things. Somehow make it all right again between us. We still needed to have that long talk about everything. But it was surely too late.

I concentrated on my work with a sorrowful heart. I was seated at my desk, ready and waiting at one o'clock on my first afternoon back home, when the telephone rang. Again, I marvelled at the pinpoint precision of my caller even as I snatched up the receiver and pressed it to my ear.

I smiled happily. "Good afternoon. I have missed hearing from you these last few days. How are you? How was your Christmas?"

※※※※※

"Sedona…" I stared at Kitt's single moving red eye a few days after Christmas. I was intending to look around Montecito for a suitable house to purchase. Not go running off to Arizona. "Why Sedona?"

Michael and I were seated on lounge chairs next to his huge backyard pool enjoying the afternoon sunshine. Being almost seven months pregnant, and feeling every week of it now, Stevie had retired inside to lie down in a cool, shadowed bedroom.

Bonnie and RC had driven over to join us from their own homes further inland. Knight Investigations was now a thriving company, and they were all busy with their lives and enjoyed the work far more than working for FLAG. The Foundation was fast becoming a distant, if thorny, memory.

"I said it was somewhere you had never travelled," Kitt replied. He was parked on the grass beside us, very much an integral part of the Knight Investigations family. "You said you needed some new material for your London exhibition."

"What could it hurt?" Michael asked a shade too casually before taking a long swallow of his ice-cold beer. "I hear it's very nice there at this time of year." He grinned at me. "Not so hot as here."

"You ain't got nothing but time now, Boss," RC added. "Sounds like a great plan."

"Yes…" Bonnie nodded. "I'm told it's some fabulous country for photography."

A sensation of troubled confusion ran through me. I could not quite put my finger on why or where. But I had the distinct impression I was being set up for something. Old instincts died hard.

"I'm just sorry none of us can go with you…" Michael stretched lazily. "But I can't leave Stevie now. And we're far too busy investigating what needs to be investigated around here."

He paused and frowned as if something had just occurred to him. "Say, why don't you take Kitt along with you? We can spare him for a few days. That way you'd get there faster and be back here in time for the New Year. We can go look at some houses together. It'll save us some time if I get up a short list for you."

He seemed very pleased with his suggestion, looking around at the others for their confirmation. They all nodded.

"I'm sure we can spare Kitt for a few days," Bonnie allowed cautiously, not looking at me.

"Yeah, it's not like we need him for any of the cases we have on our books right now," RC added, shaking his head. "They're all locals. You know, cheating husbands and straying wives." He grinned. "It's the season."

Michael nodded his agreement. "Then it's settled." He undid the strap of the commlink on his wrist and held it out to me. "You'll be needing this."

"Very well…" I accepted it. "I'll think about it." I hadn't committed to going, but I could admit the idea intrigued me.

"It would be my pleasure to show Devon around the sights of the red rock country," Kitt said in a buoyant tone as if it was already settled. "The Sedona rock formations are composed of basalt, sandstone and limestone. The city of Sedona is located at the base of the Mogollon Rim, an escarpment that runs east-west through the middle of Arizona and defines the boundary between the Colorado Plateau to the north, and the Basin and Range to the south. The Mogollon Rim is approximately 200 miles long and rises to almost 8,000 feet in height at its—"

"That's enough, Kitt!" I threw up my hands, interrupting his instructive flow. "Okay, you've sold me on the idea. But it had all better be worth the effort. People are paying me good money to give them just the right shot."

"Oh, I can promise you it will be well worth the effort," the car assured me comfortably with a slight edge of satisfaction that earned him another suspicious glance on my part. "I shall plan our route and make sure we can be there inside a day. You may leave everything to me."

"Sounds like a plan." Michael nodded wisely, watching me closely. "And if you're thinking of settling down here in Montecito, then we could always use a guy who's great with figures. Good bookkeepers who know how to be discreet are hard to find." He saluted me once more with his can of beer. "Give it some thought while you're away."

I watched him steadily, mistrusting the openness of his innocent expression. "Thanks, I will." I shook my head. What more was there to say?

※※※※※

"Sedona?" I turned the travel documents over in my hands. "What's the sudden attraction with Sedona? I've got a manuscript to outline. It can't wait while I take a holiday. My publisher has already given me an advance for my new trilogy."

"Well then, you can combine both and take the outline with you. You said you've never been there," Lucy replied, pushing the documents at me when I tried to give them back to her. "And you told Maria you wanted to take your Edward Grainger somewhere new. Somewhere he's never been."

My brow wrinkled. "Did I say that?" I looked at my housekeeper.

"Yes, you said you wanted to take him somewhere he's never been before," Maria replied. "So, this way, you two can go there together."

"Then it's all settled, Mum," Lucy added. "If you take your new vehicle and don't make too many stops, you can be there inside a day. What could be more perfect?"

Both women stood watching me calmly. I wanted to find fault with their assertions but couldn't. The idea was very tempting. Sedona was a very beautiful part of the country, but I'd never considered using it before as a backdrop to any of my novels.

There would be snow at that elevation, and it would be magical. I spent a distracting moment imagining my tall, powerful hero dressed in a thick sheepskin jacket, black jeans and stout hiking boots. My mouth dried with longing as I quickly pushed the alluring image aside to concentrate on what my daughter was saying.

"I've given you two weeks to see all the sights and soak up the atmosphere," Lucy said happily as she saw my resolve weakening. "I've booked you into a very comfortable hotel for your stay. You have the time to complete your outline and get started writing. What could be more perfect?"

She closed my fingers around the documents. "Do this for me. Because l love you very much and I want you to be happy."

She smiled mistily. "I'm off back to Paris soon and I'll miss you. I really need to know you'll be all right without me. I love you, Mom."

"Very well…" I acquiesced softly as I frowned at the sheen of tears gathering in her green eyes. "I'll go if it means that much to you."

'Blast…' I could never bear to see any of my children cry.

"Thank you…" Lucy exchanged a glance of relief with Maria.

As I watched them, a sensation of troubled confusion ran through me, feathering up and down my spine. I could not quite put my finger on why or where, much less who. But I had the distinct impression I was being set up for something. Something big. But I had no idea what it could be…

※※※※※

I was soon forced to admit, Kitt's information was much better than any seasoned tour guide. He'd already made selections of what I should view and photograph long before we arrived in the small tidy city of Sedona. The design and colours of its architecture fitted neatly into the surrounding landscape of red rock country and rolling hills.

There had been some snow at this elevation, painting the many scenes of ochre and rust with a thin covering of pristine white in the sheltered hollows where the sun had yet to reach. When we stopped for gas in Phoenix and encountered the winter weather, I'd taken the time to dress accordingly. It had been a long time since I'd seen such a winter wonderland.

Everywhere I looked there were colours and patterns that pleased my critical eye and made me long to get out my cameras and start work. The early afternoon sunshine painted rainbow colours on the rocks and in the slowly melting snow. I sat back in the driver's seat and looked all around as we pulled up in the carpark of the hotel Kitt had booked for me. Of course, we were exactly on time with his precise scheduling.

"I will be here when you need me, Devon. Use the commlink. I will look forward to showing you the sights I have already mapped out. I do think these next two weeks could be the beginning of something big. You really do need to broaden your horizons."

"If you say so…" I regarded his small red screen with that same sensation of suspicion.

Kitt was not given to flights of fancy or illogical thinking. He was a machine. He saw the world strictly in black and white. And yet…

Before I could question him further, the driver's door swung open, inviting me to disembark. Knowing it was useless to argue when Kitt went all squirrelly, I shook my head as I got out and the door closed behind me. Then the trunk opened as a young bell hop came hurrying up with his luggage cart.

I waited while the boy loaded the cart with my bags. He touched two fingers to the brim of his cap and then hurried back inside the hotel. I could understand his keenness not to linger outside.

The winter weather was bracing. The clear mountain air smelled like a fine wine. But there was also the chill factor and the slight wind was lazy, cutting through me rather than going around. I was glad of my denims and thick sheepskin lined jacket. I hunched my shoulders into it as I turned the collar up high to shield my face. I put my head down as I followed the bell hop into the warmth of the hotel lobby and breathed a sigh of relief as I pushed through the glass doors.

※※※※※

I knew enough about the elevation of the Arizona highlands to pack my suitcases accordingly. Late December would bring some snow, bracing air and cold winds. Since this was a fact-finding mission and I would be working alone, I opted for warmth over style. Jeans and a knitted sweater beneath my black leather jacket should be enough to keep out the cold when I arrived in Sedona. Thick socks and sensible boots completed my outfit.

I would be spending a lot of time out and about getting to know the area. I would order room service and use the evenings to type up my notes and get my outline in order. I was beginning to look forward to this new, unexpected adventure.

Maria helped me to load my cases into my recently purchased car. I didn't tell anyone, but I was intending to leave very early the next morning to get there in time for lunch.

Maria seemed to be very happy that I hadn't changed my mind about going. She hugged me and wished me well, telling me everything was going to be all right. Again that odd feeling of confusion feathered up and down my spine as I frowned at her.

I did feel a sense of loss when I told my telephone friend and confidante that I would be away from home for the next two weeks. I will say he took it well when he called as usual, right on time.

"I will miss you, Carolyn. But I will still be here when you get back," he reassured me. "I do hope you enjoy your vacation. You deserve it. It will put the roses back in your cheeks."

I pulled a face. "It's less of a vacation and more of a fact-finding mission for the new trilogy I've decided to write. I need some background material."

"Oh, a trilogy. How interesting. I shall look forward to reading them."

I laughed softly. "I didn't think crime thrillers with a romantic theme would be your thing. No offence meant, of course."

"And none taken, I can assure you. You have vastly broadened my tastes, Carolyn. I have read all your novels. I will say I am quite keen to see how Mr Grainger gets on in his next adventure. I don't have much excitement in my life now."

"Well, I would rather have you safe than putting yourself in danger. I really can't imagine my life without you in it. You have been so kind and caring through these last few months. I wish we could meet in person."

"But I am here and you are there," he replied logically but with a slight edge of sadness to his voice. "We must be content with what we have and not ask for more."

"I know, but still…" I shrugged. "But I do understand. Thank you for all your wonderful help."

"Thank you for taking my first phone call and not hanging up on me. I assured you then about the complete privacy of any future conversations we may have. I would never betray your trust in my discretion."

"Yes, I remember and I was so grateful. I should be thanking you…" I smiled through the sting of my tears as my breathing hitched.

"Are you crying?" He was all instant concern. "Oh, my dear. It was not my intention to make you sad. Is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you, but I'm not sad," I replied quickly. "In fact, I'm happy. Happier than I've been these last six months. These are happy tears. I can't tell you how wonderful that feels. I'm finally whole again."

"I'm so very glad to hear it." He sighed.

I frowned at his sudden change in tone. I had the sense he wished to say more. I waited, listening to the slight hissing of the distance between us. I too wanted to say more, to ask the question that was always burning in the back of my mind. But I was worried I might not like the answer.

My telephone friend seemed to understand my reticence. His tone was noticeably brighter when he finally said, "I'm so very glad. Now off you go to Sedona and don't give me another thought. Take your time getting there and make sure you enjoy your vacation. I hear it's very nice there at this time of year. I'll be right here when you get back. Goodbye, Carolyn and take care of yourself."

"Thank you, I will. But I will still miss you. Goodbye." I quickly replaced the receiver into its cradle and stared at the telephone for some time before I wiped my eyes and stood up.

It was only when I was halfway down the highway toward Sedona, very early the next morning, that a sudden, troubling thought surfaced. Mentally, I reviewed our last conversation. I was sure I hadn't told him where I was going. A small oversight on my part. I'd only said I was going on vacation for the next two weeks.

How had he correctly guessed the name of my ultimate destination?

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