Chapter 16

Nathan was confused, not sure where he was and unable to remember what had happened to him. It was a strange sensation, reminiscent of days in his childhood when he would spend hours floating in the river, forgetting all his troubles. Every so often he would hear a sound from one bank or the other, voices he knew calling his name but he couldn't see anyone.

For a while Gabe had been there beside him but he was able to paddle harder, working his way against the tide. And now he was gone, leaving him alone.

Allie's voice cut through the fog of his mind and he tried hard to reach out to her on one side of the river but he couldn't move. "I love you Allie-girl" he wanted to shout back but the words wouldn't come. And Elizabeth, his Lisbeth, why couldn't he reach her, tell her that he forgave her for everything.

On the other side he could see his sister Colleen, floating like a nymph along the water's edge, her smile just as he remembered it and so much like Allie's. She had been so beautiful and it had broken his heart to lose her. Now she was calling out to him, "Nate, Nate" but then the rest of her words vanished into the distance. She was the only one who ever called him that despite him hating the name, for he had always found it impossible to deny her anything.

He was tired. It seemed as though he had been here forever and he knew he couldn't go on for much longer. He found himself drifting closer to the side where Colleen was and he thought how wonderful it would be to see her again, to tell her how much he missed her and that he was doing his best to look after her little girl. You would be so proud of Allie, he whispered, thank you for entrusting her to me. For letting me love her.

But even as he drifted in that direction he could feel a strong current pulling him back to the other shore. He could hear Allie's voice louder now. And feel her tears against his chest. She was upset and he knew he had to get to her but it was so difficult and he was so tired.

Perhaps he would just float here a little longer.

Downstairs the children were finally worn out from playing in the snow and were now divesting themselves of hats, gloves and coats in a big pile in the hallway. Lillian looked at it with dismay and then shrugged her shoulders. It was Christmas Eve and these next few days should be all about them so the scolding could wait. It was difficult to enforce the house rules with so many and once again she wondered how they were going to manage in the future.

Lucas, Chuck and Grace came through the door, laughing in a high spirited way that immediately lifted her mood. "You three are happy, I think you may have enjoyed that more than the little ones!" And just like children all three giggled, nodding their agreement that she may be right.

"I have to go into Brookfield", Chuck said, his voice turning serious. "The road is clear enough now and Maggie has to get back to the clinic to see a few patients who are booked in this afternoon. Plus I need to check in with my practice in case someone has had an emergency, although I'm sure one of the men in town would have ridden out to get me had that been the case."

He looked across at Grace but still addressed himself to Lillian. "Is there anything you need? You know you just have to say the word and I will sort anything out for you."

Lillian remembered the attitude towards the orphanage from many of the people of Brookfield in the early days, Chuck's mother Tess being one of them. Slowly she and Grace had won over those who objected but it had given them a fierce determination to do this on their own and only accept help when there was an emergency. The arrival of the Scott children being one such case. Now the words were on the tip of her tongue but she still could not say them. Find me a solution to looking after all these children was what she wanted to ask but it would almost be like admitting defeat and she wouldn't do that. She had to be patient and trust in God to give her the answer.

Overhearing what was being said Bill approached them, "I need to get to the Mountie Office and file a report about the fire at the Scott farm, then bring Hero and Newton back out here. Now that the weather front has passed they will be perfectly fine in your draughty old barn but we didn't want to risk them being there during the snowstorm. So I think I will get a lift with Chuck if that's ok with him."

Lillian forced herself to laugh at his comment because she knew that otherwise she would cry. The repair to the barn had been needed for a long time but whenever she thought it may be coming close to the top of the list something else happened that was more urgent. "I know Bill, it's not ideal. I can ask a couple of the boys to go out and clean two of the stalls for you, at least that would make things better."

Bill could see the embarrassment on her face and immediately regretted how he had phrased things. "I didn't mean to offend you Lillian, I know how tough it is keeping this place going. I can go do it before we leave? The boys can still help me."

A voice from behind broke into the conversation, "Why don't you go into town and I will sort out the stables, Bill. Then I can drive in to meet you, leave my car at the hotel and ride Newton back for Nathan. I have some business of my own to do in there if the telephones are working but it probably won't take as long as your report."

Bill gave Lucas a cautious look, not sure what had happened to the man. From almost being cast out yesterday for the incident between him and Elizabeth it seemed that now he was willing to help in any way he could. With no benefit to himself. "What happened to the real Lucas Bouchard?", he asked, keeping his tone light with humour yet having a serious need to know what had changed.

Lucas laughed, "Fair question, I've been asking myself that. How about I let you know when I figure it out but suffice to say I've had a bit of an eye opener in the last 24 hours and there is a lot that I need to reconcile, both with myself and many other people. Shall we just leave it at that for now?"

Bill nodded, surprised by how candid the other man was being. Gone for now was the underhanded scheming that had always seemed to accompany his actions. It had always seemed as though he measured the benefit to himself of everything he did before making a commitment but that was not how he was coming across right now.

"That would work. I appreciate it Lucas."

In the sitting room there was a holiday feel to the late morning activities and as she looked around Abigail marvelled at the resilience of children. They really did have the ability to view so much of life in black and white, sometimes seeing only what they wanted but in the case of these children and what they had each been through it was probably a good thing.

Some doubts started to creep into her mind about what she and Bill were planning but she quickly brushed them away. They would not be alone in their endeavour and that was the most important thing. Watching Lillian as she spoke with Bill and Lucas she made a mental note to speak to the young woman. There was a limit to what you could do on your own and she was fairly sure that Lillian and Grace were fast approaching that point. It was time for them to reach out to others.

Surprisingly the room was quiet despite so many children being in there. Games had been brought out and little groups formed as they set up the boards, while others feeling the need for some solitary activity but not wanting to miss out on anything had brought their books down to the room to be read whilst curled up in a chair or on the end of a sofa. On one of them Little Jack was tucked in beside Chloe, her younger sister snuggled into her other side as she read to them both. Watching the girl you could see that a huge burden had been lifted from her and in a matter of hours her demeanor had changed so much. Gone was the drawn and pinched little face and the frightened eyes. Now there was an animated air about her that gave Abigail so much joy to see. Bill walked up and whispered in her ear about going into town but his eyes were immediately drawn in the direction to which she was looking. "It's going to work Abigail, you have to keep the faith."

Allie was still upstairs with Elizabeth, their conversation surprisingly relaxed considering the circumstances. The young girl spoke with so much love in her voice as she related stories of their life before moving to Hope Valley. "Uncle Nathan used to be so funny, always teasing me and other people, and he has the most wonderful laugh. It is deep and booming and can fill a room. He brings everyone with him when he is like that, its infectious."

Elizabeth wondered how it would be to see Nathan in that way. To hear him so relaxed that all his barriers were cast away. She had seen glimpses of the funny side of him but she also knew that he was a deep thinker, someone who took things to heart. Perhaps too much at times. But they had a second chance now, both of them, and she would do everything she could to bring happiness to him. To all of them.

"I think we may see a lot more of that from now on Allie. It will take a while for him to regain his strength after this but he will get there and I have a feeling that the happy Uncle Nathan you remember will be back. There will be lots of laughter between the four of us, especially with you and Little Jack together."

Nathan was drifting again, hearing the voices but not able to reach out and touch the people who were speaking. Words kept floating around him and he knew that they were good ones … family … love … Allie and Little Jack … Elizabeth … happy. But he couldn't grasp hold of them, however much he tried, and he began to wonder if he should give up the battle and let the river take him where it wanted.

Colleen's voice broke through again and her words became clearer. "It's not your time Nathan. As much as I would love to have you with me it's too early. You still have so many things to do, people to love. I want you to go back and live a wonderful life for me and give my little girl the love that I know is in your heart."

Her words began to fade in and out for a bit but finally he heard some more, "I know how big your heart is, you showed it every day when you looked after Mom and me. There is room in it for someone special and I think you have found her. I need you to go and be happy."

A soft hazy light filtered into his consciousness and he could feel his eyelids lifting, the blurriness of walls and ceiling coming into view. As he turned his head he thought he must still be dreaming as his eyes settled on Elizabeth and Allie sitting together, their heads almost touching as they spoke softly to each other. He heard his name and somehow found the strength to mutter, "Yes….I'm here." There was no reaction. He tried again but their conversation continued without either looking towards him. Making one more attempt he shouted, "Allie-girl. Lisbeth."

The two of them stopped, sensing a shift in the room as though someone had walked in. It was Allie who glanced across at first, not able to believe what she was seeing. Her whispered "Uncle Nathan" made Elizabeth look and when she realised his eyes were open and looking at them she gave out a small cry.

"Nathan! You're back." She could see him trying to move and quickly lay her hand on his shoulder, "You mustn't try to do too much. We need to go and get Maggie Parsons, she will know what needs to be done next. Stay still a little longer my love."

Finding it hard to tear themselves away both Allie and Elizabeth raced out of the room, not sure where they would find the town nurse. Bursting into the kitchen Allie shouted out "He's awake. Uncle Nathan is awake!" The room went silent for a moment, each person taking in the news before suddenly they all began to move towards the door just as Maggie entered with Elizabeth.

"Don't all get ideas about going up there right now," the nurse said in her strictest voice. "Nathan will still be very weak and I need to check him before anyone else sees him." She turned to Elizabeth and Allie, an apologetic look on her face as she added, "That means the two of you as well I'm afraid, just for a short while."

They gathered in the hallway, at the foot of the stairs, wanting to be ready as soon as they were allowed to go up. Maggie's footsteps could be heard along the wooden floor and when she reached the door to the room a silence descended.

She opened the door carefully and walked in, surprised to see an empty bed in front of her. Checking back in the hallway she confirmed that this was the right room. "Nathan?" There was a muffled sound from the other side of the bed and walking across she found him sprawled on the floor, trying to push himself up.

"Nathan! What on earth are you doing? You should still be in bed."

He looked up at her then, confusion and fear on his face. "I tried to stand up but my legs wouldn't work. What has happened to me Maggie?"