Chapter 34

It took a while for Allie to broach the subject of Nathan getting up and walking. They had talked about the Christmas meal and she reassured him that nothing was spoilt for the children. The adults who remained at the tables made sure they had lots of fun as everyone took it in turns to make up the next line of a story that one of them started. "The last was begun by Uncle Bill and it got crazier with each person," she added, giggling, "so by the time it came back around to him it was about a hippopotamus swinging on a trapeze wearing a dishcloth on his head and green furry ear muffs."

Imagining Bill's face at that he wished he had been there to see it. "And let me guess who added the dishcloth…!" He gave her a silly grin and she burst back into fits of laughter, relieved to be here with him and happy that he knew her so well that he guessed it was her.

Nathan was glad that the others had been able to keep things joyful for the children and made a mental note to thank them all later. He hadn't really thought before he stood up, it was just an instinctive reaction to follow Lucas out of the room. He had somehow hoped that he would be able to sort this quickly by being a bridge between the two parties and helping them to fill in what each was missing about the events of the past, for as soon as Mary had told him her side of the story he knew that there would be more to it.

Allie was watching him with a strange expression on her face as he brought his focus back onto her. "Are you going to tell me how you magically managed to stand up and walk, then kneel down later I might add, when immediately before that you were stuck in a wheelchair?"

Nathan knew she had every right to be confused and upset with him but hoped that his explanation would appease her a bit. Then there was something he needed to discuss with her, for without a yes from Allie he would not be going ahead with what he had planned, even though some of the surprise had already been spoilt. Then he thought to himself, maybe it hadn't.

"I practiced," he said, "while you were all at church. Mr Bouchard helped me until I could walk the length of the hallway. It was going to be a Christmas gift for you and Mrs Thornton this afternoon. I guess it still was in a way, just not quite how I planned it."

She didn't need to answer that, her looking telling him that she thought he was a bit of an idiot for spoiling it but she was okay with that.

Nathan quickly moved on, not wanting to give her the chance to ask how he had planned to do it.

"I've noticed you and Little Jack getting very close since you've been here Allie. And Mrs Thornton told me what you did for him on the morning of his birthday, even though I know you were upset and worried about me. I'm very proud of you for that."

She gave him a quick smile, unwilling to dwell on the distress of that night which now seemed a lifetime away. "He's only little Dad and I didn't want his birthday to get swallowed up in everything else that was going on. Besides, it took my mind away from you for a while."

"Do you like being with Little Jack? With Mrs Thornton?"

Now she gave him an almost exasperated look, amusement in her voice as she replied, "Is this your subtle way of asking me if I would mind spending time with them both? Like….as a family?"

He laughed a big laugh then, almost of relief that she could still read him like a book, which is why it never surprised him at all that she was already one step ahead. "I guess that is what I'm asking. It has just been the two of us for so long now, how would you feel about having to share lots of things. You know there would have to be some…"

"Compromise!", she butted in to finish the sentence. "I know and I am prepared for that as long as some rules are set out at the beginning. I love Little Jack and I do want to spend time with him but I won't be happy if he starts getting into my things. And you and I still need to have our own special times together, fishing or riding. I don't want to lose our moments".

Nathan patted the side of the bed and held his arms wide for her to come into, wanting to reassure her that these were important to him too. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop me from doing those things. In the same way as I am sure Mrs Thornton will want to spend some alone time with Little Jack, their special moments. But I also know that she would like to do special things with you, the sort of girlie things that I don't understand. And, of course there will be lots we all do together."

Allie scrunched up her face in a quizzical way as though she was thinking, then pretending to be serious she said, "You know, this almost sounds as though you are talking about missing the whole courtship bit. You two just getting married and Little Jack becoming my brother." She was trying to keep the big grin off her face but finally lost the battle, throwing herself back into his arms as she shouted, "That would be perfectly fine with me!"

He held her tight, always cherishing these moment as he knew they would not last forever. He had so much love for his daughter but soon she would be in her teens and if she was anything like her mother it would be too embarrassing to be hugging anyone as old as him. But for now he would take all of it he could get.

She had brought nothing but joy to his life and he would never consciously do anything that would hurt her. Over the past few years he had regularly checked that she was still okay with him being a Mountie, promising that if she ever felt unhappy about it then he would look for something else to do. Now he needed to make sure that she understood exactly what it meant for them, this big step that he was taking. That they would both be taking.

"Allie, you understand that it won't always be easy and there will be occasions when you may resent Mrs Thornton, kind of like you do me sometimes. She knows that she has done things in the past that have caused both us both pain, how do you feel about that now? It has to be something we can put behind us and not have brought up every time you are annoyed or upset."

He waited, watching as she gave serious thought to his question before answering, choosing her words carefully. "I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been angry with her for the way she was treating you, especially when we saw her with Mr Bouchard".

When he gave no reaction to the mention of them together she went on with a bit more confidence in her voice. "Then other times I would see a certain look on her face when we were in class, the same one you have when I know you are thinking about my mom and how much she would have loved seeing me grow up. You do it whenever anyone makes a nice comment about me or I get a good report from class. I think she looks at the boys sometimes and is sorry for Little Jack's dad that he will never see him like that. So I figured she was just sad and maybe a little frightened of the same thing happening again".

Nathan was astounded at the perception she had of other people and his thoughts immediately went to Colleen and how easily she could do that. Read a person so that she understood what was driving them. Perhaps that was why Allie had formed a bond with Lucas, she could see the pain that others couldn't.

Now she was in full flow and he brought his attention back to what she was saying. "But she couldn't hide how she feels about you forever, it's another thing that is clear on her face. When she looks at you it's as though she is a different person, like she has come home. I understand that because it is exactly how I feel about you."

He drew her into his arms again, wondering how so much wisdom could be had in one so young. Then he remembered that she had dealt with loss from such an early age and the uncertainty and transience of the life of a Mountie's child, so there had been a lot more she had already faced that her peers hopefully never would. Young Chloe was another like that and he hoped that the friendship that seemed to be developing between them would continue in Hope Valley. Sometimes you need just one friend who understands the hard times to help you appreciate the good ones.

"Mrs Thornton would like to apologise to you Allie, make sure that there is nothing standing between you and the relationship she wants to have with you in the future. Would you be okay with that?"

Allie nodded, not sure that she really needed it but wondering if perhaps Mrs Thornton did. "Do you know what she said to me when I was worried that you were going to die? I was scared and thought I'd end up in an orphanage somewhere, probably not here because they already have so many to look after."

From the look on his face she knew that Mrs Thornton hadn't repeated their conversation to him, which she kind of liked as it had been private. When he went to say something she quickly went on. "She said that I would always have a home with her and Little Jack, that we were family. That they both loved me very much."

Nathan was not surprised that Elizabeth had said that and knew it would have come from her heart. But he felt guilty for not having had a conversation about this with Allie before.

"I've never wanted to scare you by talking about the possibility of something bad happening to me and what would become of you but I guess I should have. You don't think I wouldn't have put something in place for that eventuality? Allie, I love you too much to leave you alone in the world."

She gave a big sob then and he kissed the top of her head, his arms wrapped so tight around her that he could feel her heart beating.

"You know Uncle Gabe loves you and he agreed when you first came to live with me that if anything should happen he would take you in, give you the life he knows I would want to for you. And he has spoken to Miss Lillian and she would welcome you too. With open arms, were her exact words. Then there is Uncle Bill, you are like a granddaughter to him and he will always make sure that you are safe and well. You are loved, Allie-girl, by so many people."

The tears had dried on her face but it was clear that her emotions were so mixed by what he had said. She would be happy that he had made sure she would be okay but sad at being reminded that there was always the possibility she could lose him. He gave her his best smile, getting the faintest hint of one from her in response.

"Allie, there is nothing I do in my life without thinking about you first. Do you know what was going through my mind when I was out there in the snowstorm? You! I kept looking towards the glimpses of light I could see from this house and imagined you at a window holding a candle to guide me home. Adopting you yesterday was the single best thing I have ever done in my life."

She gave him a big grin as she teased, "What took you so long then? Don't go making that some mistake with Mrs Thornton. I had to stick around, she may not be so patient!"

Abigail and Mary had reached the point in the road where it passed through the small woodland, their steps steady, their words careful. It had taken some time for the younger woman to begin the conversation, Abigail happy to leave her to her thoughts as she know how complicated this was for her.

Suddenly Mary broke the silence, a strength to her voice that didn't quite fit with the slightness of her frame. "You must think me cruel to not be willing to go and speak to Lucas straight away. I understand he is your friend and you all want to support him."

Abigail shook her head gently, needing to reassure her that was not the case. "Nobody thinks that at all. What we see are two people who have been hurt in the past, who have never known the whole truth of what happened. Lucas feels guilt for what his father did and his own subsequent inaction. He lost a lot too, something I don't believe he has ever recovered from. When you lose someone you love that much it can take years to get past it. Some people never do."

Mary nodded in understanding, "I believe that has been the case for my sister Rachael. But she has found a different kind of happiness in her life. Would it be right to upset that. What if he were to let her down again?"

Therein lies the crux of the problem, Abigail thought. Once trust is lost then it is difficult to be regained.

"I know you are trying to protect your sister but don't you think she should be the one to decide? If she is truly happy in her life now then she can say no to hearing from him. But perhaps, even if there is no way back for them, she needs to at least hear what has to say so that she can draw a line under that part of her life once and for all. Isn't that better than always wondering? Always waiting? You can't live life always thinking of the what ifs."

Mary fell silent and when they approached the tree line both women quietly turned around and headed back up the hill. The air was crisp and clear, filling their lungs with a sense of freshness, while the cold tingled their cheeks as a reminder that they were alive. Abigail hoped this was a sign of a new beginning for the young woman walking beside her.

It had been a strange Christmas and the day wasn't done yet. She prayed that it could at least be brought to a close without any more drama being added. But Bill had intimated that Nathan still had some sort of surprise up his sleeve so perhaps the excitement of the day wasn't over yet.

Mary's voice broke into her thoughts. "I'll see him. Listen to what he has to say. The Lucas I remember deserves that at least. Perhaps, if Lillian doesn't mind, I can call my sister after that and tell her what has happened. Then it will be up to her."