A/N: It's my birthday soon, so I wanted to share this little chapter to you all. It's not much. Just to let you all laugh a little.
I also know that you all want me to work on other stories, but let me have this!
"Your laptop's been defragged and cleaned. It should run far better now." Dib explained to a customer as he handed them a laptop.
"Thank you, big headed man." the man said with a smile before leaving with his laptop.
"My name is Dib." Dib sighed as he stood behind the counter of the electronics store he worked at in the mall. He had been either debugging computers like laptops or fixing broken appliances like toasters and blenders every day. It was tedious, but the pay was good. Still, he wished that he could've gotten a job as a paranormal investigator, but he found that the current offices in the city were...lacking, to say the least. All his talk of aliens and bigfoot and everything else he believed in? They all laughed him right out the door, calling him a big headed idiot for believing in kid's stuff. "Can't believe nobody believes me about anything. All they do is call me crazy."
"Hey, Crazy!" came a shout from the manager's office. Dib turned to see his boss sticking his head out the door, a scowl on his face. "Your shift ended 10 minutes ago! Punch out and get out!"
"Huh?" Dib asked before looking at his watch, which read 5:10 P.M. "Huh. Wonder how I missed that?" he muttered before he quickly punched out and left. He ran to the parking lot and got into Tak's cloaked ship before piloting it to a secluded alley, then took to the skies.
"Ugh. Another blissful eight hours come and gone. Where to next, you big headed earthling?" Tak's ship said in annoyance.
"I was thinking of visiting that spot where Zim's base used to be." Dib decided as he headed in the direction of where Zim's old base once stood.
"Again? You keep on doing that every day before you decide to have me fly off to who-knows-where!" Tak's ship groaned.
"I just want to make sure I didn't miss anything he could've left behind." Dib argued.
"You went over the stupid area dozen's of times already! You didn't find anything the first time, you haven't found anything the other times, and you're not going to find anything this time or any other times in the future!" she snapped before suddenly hitting the brakes a good distance from where Zim's base once was, the area being covered by space vehicles and men in gray uniforms with red tipped helmets. "Or...maybe you will." the ship added.
"What in the world? Who are all of these guys?" Dib asked himself.
"You don't know them?" the ship asked.
"No. Never seen uniforms like that before, and I'd definitely remember someone with vehicles that could fly being around here." Dib answered as he watched them all look around the area. He spotted one with a different hat than the others and medals on his chest sitting at a makeshift desk and writing something down on some paper. "I think that guy might be the one in charge."
"What gave you that idea? Other than the fact that everyone else keeps saluting him when they pass by?" Tak's ship snarked.
"YOU THERE!"
Dib jumped and looked around to see that Tak's ship had three other ships surrounding him, their weapons at the ready.
"THIS AREA IS RESTRICTED AND CONSIDERED A NO FLY ZONE! LAND NOW!" one of the officers yelled.
"Alright, alright!" Dib yelled back before quickly landing and exiting the ship. He then left the ship and was escorted to the man in charge.
"Captain, we've apprehended a human flying a suspicious foreign ship." one of the men stated with a salute. The captain stopped his writing and stood up from his desk before approaching Dib.
"Young man, what is your name?" the captain asked.
"Dib Membrane, sir. Who are all of you?" Dib asked.
"We are Skyway Patrol!" the captain answered with a proud smile.
"...Who?" Dib asked, making the man deflate.
"You don't know who we are?" the captain asked before handing him a pamphlet. "We are an intergalactic organization made to battle of extraterrestrials." the captain explained as Dib checked out the pamphlet, showing pictures of Skyway Patrol's duty, hourly pay, and other such stuff.
"Seriously? How come I've never heard of you?" Dib asked before looking at the hole that once housed Zim's base. "And what's going on here?"
"We've been informed that an alien lifeform had illegally entered Earth's atmosphere and had set up a base in this city. In that very spot, even." the captain explained. "We've come to investigate...or we did until we saw that there's nothing here." the captain finished in an irritated tone. "Probably some misinformation."
"No no! You're right!" Dib suddenly yelped. "An alien did land here! In fact, he came around years ago!"
"Is that so? Well, where is he now?" the captain asked.
"I...don't know. He just up and left. But I know he's still on earth! He's infiltrated our society!" Dib said with a scowl.
"How so?"
"His name is Zim! He's the guy in charge of Ovirk Games." Dib answered.
"The company that makes VR games?" a grunt asked.
"Yes! It's all a cover so he can invade our world!" Dib stated.
"Hmm. If what you're saying is true, then this is quite serious. We must investigate these claims!" the captain stated.
"Great! I can help out! I've been spying on Zim for years! I know a lot of his weaknesses and-"
"Hold it! Hold it!" the captain said with a raised hand, stopping Dib mid-rant. "Before we can do any of that, a vital action must be done first! MEN!" he barked, making all of his men line up at attention.
"SIR!" they said in unison while saluting.
"BEGIN!" he began before taking something from his breast pocket. "YOUR!" he continued before holding the object in the air above his head. He then paused...before clicking his pen open. "PAPERWORK!"
"YES SIR!" the men all shouted as they all donned their own pens before setting up makeshift desks and began to fill out what looked like a mountain of paperwork on each desk.
"...huh?" Dib said with a fallen look before shaking his head and walking over to the captain, the man busy with his own paperwork. "What are you all doing?"
"What every member of Skyway Patrol does before we take any action: Our paperwork." the captain answered, his pen not stopping from writing.
"Paperwork?" Dib asked in disbelief before he took a sheet and read it. "Mother's name...Mother's maiden name?...Mother's mother's maiden name-What does any of this have to do with stopping aliens from taking over the world?!" Dib snapped.
"Tch. That's a civilian for you. Unable to comprehend the importance of paperwork." the captain sighed before placing the paper Dib had back in the pile and returning to his paperwork. "All actions within Skyway Patrol must have proper paperwork done before they can be taken. Otherwise, our flawless system would crumble and alien threats would take over."
"But...but..." Dib got out, unable to comprehend what he'd just heard.
"Hey, Skyway Patrol." Tak's ship called out, earning everyone's attention. "Exactly when did you learn that Zim came to earth?"
"Around 14 years ago." the captain answered.
"And you only decided to take action against him now why?" the ship asked.
"We finally got all the paperwork finished and were authorized to take action and investigate." the captain answered with a smile.
"You...You..." Dib started, making the captain look at him.
"Something wrong?"
"You're telling me...that you didn't investigate...a potentially lethal threat to earth...for over 13 years...because of paperwork?!" Dib grit out, his face slowly turning red and foam forming around the edges of his mouth.
"Correct." was the captain's simple answer, completely ignorant to Dib's body starting to twitch.
"Uh oh." Tak's ship said before it's visor came down.
A man was inside his home watching TV before he heard a commotion outside.
"Hmm?" he grunted before he got up and opened his door, allowing him to see Dib flipping out and tossing papers everywhere, a stream of incomprehensible sounds coming out of him while Skyway Patrolmen were either trying to stop him or reorganize the paperwork.
"Honey? Do I hear a gaggle of turkeys being strangled outside?" his wife asked.
"Nah. Just that weird, big headed man being crazy again." the man answered before shutting the door and going back to watching TV.
After finally venting all his rage, Dib was now flying away in Tak's ship.
"Unbelievable! UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE! How can they think doing paperwork is that important?! They let Zim roam free for so long because of...of...GAH!" Dib ranted.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. Your planet is full of idiots." Tak's ship said as she flew up high into the sky.
"Not everyone. Now please mute yourself. I need to make a call." Dib answered.
"Calling those other weirdos? Fine." the ship huffed as Dib took out his laptop, put in a USB drive and punched in a code. A moment later, the Swollen Eyeball logo appeared before a multiple silhouettes appeared.
:"Yes, Agent Mothman?" one figure asked in a bored tone.
"I need some information." Dib stated.
"Ugh, for what? Bigfoot? Ghosts? No wait. Let me guess. Zim?" another asked in a disinterested tone.
"While those would be great, I actually have a question on something else." said Dib.
"Oh great. Something else to bug us with. Fine. What is it?" a member drawled.
"Have any of you heard of an organization called Skyway Patrol?" Dib asked. Every member on the screen suddenly went wide eyed at the question before one member started to cackle like a loon.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT THOSE CHOWDERHEADS ONE DAY! HAHAHA!" they howled with laughter while others all began to groan and sigh.
"Wait. You know about this organization? Why wasn't I informed about them?!" Dib asked.
"Yes, we knew about them. And yes, we know why they exist. Thing is, we knew that telling you would be a waste of everyone's time." one member stated.
"Why?! If they fight off aliens, I'd want to know! We could've teamed up and stopped Zim long ago!" Dib stated, making that one member laugh again. "What is so funny?!"
"When you saw them, what were they doing?" the member asked.
"Well...they were around where Zim's old base was. They were searching the area. And the captain was...doing...paperwork." Dib finished.
"That's right. Paperwork. Mountains and mountains of paperwork." the member said while nodding. "Why they do so much of it? Why they cling to this outdated system? Why they transmit it all with homing pigeons? We don't know."
"...Did you say homing pigeons?" Dib asked.
"Yes, I did. Guess they forgot about email." the member said while shrugging.
"The long and short of it is that, despite their good intentions, they are woefully inefficient. That's why we didn't bother informing you about them." another member explained.
"If that was all you wanted to talk about, then we're done here." one member huffed before their screen went dark, followed by many others until the laughing member remained.
"Take my advice, Mothman. Don't get involved with those clowns...hehehe. Paperwork." they said with one final chuckle before their screen went black, leaving Dib alone. He just stared at the screen before logging out, shutting the laptop and sighing.
"Well...that's just great." Dib huffed. "Now what do I do?" he asked before the ship suddenly stopped, flinging Dib into the windshield. He slowly opened an eye before both widened at the sight of the laser being pointed right at him. He then looked to see what appeared to be a female robot attached to the laser, her pigtails having jet thrusters keeping her aloft and her leg keeping the ship from moving.
"Maybe hold your hands up in surrender?" the ship snarked.
A/N: Yep. You-know-who has made an appearance. See you all later.