TWO DAYS AGO
Rowan
Life goes on. I keep my head down, I put in my work, I keep to myself. Eventually, the others have…grown reaccustomed to my presence. I was going to say that they've grown comfortable with me, but that's both untrue and contrary to their plan for me; for us. In a place where everyone depends on each other for survival and social standing, the easiest way to turn someone invisible is to make them an outcast.
But I'm still here. And although they've forgotten that they can see me, I can see them. Feels strange, to be able to observe without looking, but it gets easier with practice. A guard at every other door (there used to be two at each); knives back on the tables (and we were just starting to get used to eating with our hands). Before, the officials would sometimes even sit with us during meals. What a privilege. But now they've returned to their high tower.
That same shitty bread, as always. There are these small, blue berries that grow on wild trees around here. We knew to stay away from them as children—if eaten, they cause you to retch and heave. They were a godsend during the first few weeks, though, while I was being watched. Now, I'm not even noticed. And the crows have become strangely docile in certain parts.
I keep my head down and put in my work. And, always, there's an undercurrent just beneath the surface. Dream in secret.
I hear a peal of laughter from across the hall and look up. And all time stops.
The way she throws her head back and laughs. Her jet-black hair and that stupid fucking group of cronies she's always with.
That same infuriating laugh, as always.
I watch her, first in shock, and then…some inexplicable feeling. Time has started back up again, but it's slow, like molasses. I feel myself rising from the table. Walking over. Calmly.
A frisson of electricity courses through me, disrupting the undercurrent. I won't say it's caused a disconnect between my head and my hands. I know exactly what I'm doing.
But then, suddenly, inexplicably, she's been thrown flat onto the table and my hands are around her throat. All Hell is breaking loose around me but all I can hear is a distant voice, shouting, 'You killed her. You fucking killed her.'
I hear a familiar roar in the background. Wade. I snap back into now and strain against the multitude of hands holding me down, looking around wildly for him. He's already thrown two guards and is about to charge one more in his attempt to get to me.
'Rowan what are you doing; they're going to shoot you in the fields; they're going to shoot you in the fucking fields; Rowan'
And then I am met with the butt-end of a rifle, and everything goes black.