A note to my amazing readers. Thank you for sticking with me during the long wait for this chapter. My groove went away, I was diagnosed with some issues with my hands and I am preparing to release my first full length original novel in the next few months. As you can imagine all of this combined with real life has made for some difficulties. It is my hope to continue this story updating as often as possible. Again thank you for staying with me. And for anyone that has read The Secrets We Keep...there just might be a surprise coming your way.

Ziva glanced once again at the photo album on the kitchen table. It was something akin to deja vous that filtered through her as she set about preparing the late morning meal. John had come and gone rather quickly that morning. A few words to remind them if they were unhappy with anything to let him know and then he was off to a spur of the moment wedding.

She hadn't admitted the sense of relief at the briefness of his visit. Instead she'd offered him her thanks and a quick hug. He hadn't commented on Nico's presence or much of anything else. That was the reason she could call him friend he never asked questions she wouldn't want to answer.

Instead after he'd left she'd felt the rush of something close to uncertainty. It bothered her and had her unsettled in a way she couldn't put words to. She felt hands on her shoulders instantly she recognized the rough press of Gibb's fingers on her shoulders left bare by the simple sundress she wore.. She sighed lightly and leaned her head back against him.

"Just over a month Ziva. I have pushed you too far too fast. I want to apologize but it would be a lie. I want you here with me and there's nothing I wouldn't do to make that happen." He let his lips trail across her collarbone nipping gently despite his internal promise not to influence her further.

"Jethro you know I am yours. That will not if you turned me away I doubt I would feel differently. And Nico is not the hesitation either, I cannot say why having John come here unsettled me. Perhaps because it is a recognition of what we have become. The fact that we are three instead of two, It's not shame just the awareness of someone who isn't a part of our world." Ziva recognized that Nico stood quietly to the side giving them space but not leaving. She was grateful and confused again. It didn't sit well with accepted it though, as she had accepted and embraced so much over the past few weeks. "Again, Jethro it is not doubt just the newness of it all that has me uncertain."

Jethro moved to sit across from her. She hadn't opened the photo album and despite the need to see inside he had other things he needed more. "Ziva I'm trying to be patient, but I'm afraid I'm failing." He saw the rise of color in her cheeks and couldn't fight the smile.

She didn't have to ask what Gibbs was referring to and before she could answer Nico stepped in the room. He looked first to her and then Gibbs. "Did I interrupt should I leave?"

"Do not be silly Nico, Jethro was just asking me a question." She took a sip of her tea before turning her attention back to Gibbs. "I do not know for certain yet if I am pregnant. I have not tested yet."

"Why Ziva."

She set down her tea and tried to find the words to answer him. "You see me as such a confident woman Jethro sometimes I am surprised at how you see me. In my job and many other ways I am very much so. But in some ways I feel far more uncertain than you might think. As you said what we are has only been for such a short while…"

"You're worried Gibbs would stay with you simply because of a baby?" Nico saw her swallow past a hint of guilt.

"It is not logical and part of me knows that would not be the case. But all the same it has been there in my head. So I was giving myself time."

"Can't blame you for that Ziva. I can deny it but you need to know it in your mind not just hear it from me. If I gave you reason to think otherwise."

"No Jethro you did not. I entered into this relationship of my own free will. And when you asked me about a child I did not hesitate."

Gibbs clenched his hands against his coffee cup. "But I didn't ask you fairly either Ziva both times I mentioned it we were in the moment."

"I have no regrets Jethro not one. It is just in my nature to protect myself from being hurt. If I did not know, then I could answer honestly if you asked. If you found this relationship was not what you wanted it would allow you to leave without the obligation." She frowned down at her hands that had reached for his. "But now that I say these things out loud I feel foolish."

"From what I know of you Ziva not foolish just your brand of caution." Nico rinsed his cup and set it in the sink. "I need to run some errands and you two need some time alone." before she could protest he kissed Ziva on the forehead. "I really have things to do especially if I'm staying for a while. Do not worry."

The door shut behind Nico and Gibbs smiled at Ziva as her fingers worried at his. "I'm not upset with you Ziva. Just wishing I had handled this all better. Our type of relationship even before Nico has very specific rules and I broke more than a few."

"It was just the changes over the last few days Jethro. I feel very confident in my choice to be with you and Nico. There is no doubt in that. But admitting it and hoping that it isn't some sort of test I'm failing has been difficult." She saw the question in his eyes and sighed before continuing. "If I can care for Nico, be with him does that mean I do not love you enough. And I worried it was your way of seeing if I could be faithful..But these thoughts were momentary just now and then when insecurities like to play."

His first instinct was to rebut every word she had said but he stopped to think about all she had been through the life she had known. Only then did he allow himself to respond. "I'm sorry you felt that way Ziva. But, I can see why you would. Do you need time away, to think?"

Ziva shook her head vehemently "No Jethro that is not at all what I want. I love you and I know you love me. I will not allow my fear of being left rule my life."

"Would you marry me if I asked Ziva, I haven't for so many reasons but the desire is there." He knew the answer before he even finished speaking.

She felt the sharp pang of regret hit her hard. "Jethro I ...I am not ready for that. I am yours I believe strongly I always will be. But….I need you to not ask that of me yet." It stung her to answer him but she had promised never to lie and she wouldn't not even to save his feelings.

It took everything he had to hide how that hurt. She wasn't wrong it was why he hadn't asked. She'd seen to much of the world and his track record with marriage wasn't exactly encouraging. So he pushed aside the hurt to deal with later and offered her his best smile. "No worries Ziva whatever path we take will be the right one. If there is a baby what is your intention?"

"Then we'll have a baby Jethro, to me there is no other option. And do not mistake my insecurities for not wanting your child. I told you that day I took a test to verify if I was fertile. I knew what I was doing, I consented and would do so again. But I do not think it will be necessary. I purchased a test to take but I suspect I already know." She moved toward him sitting in his lap. "I just need a promise from you."

She was bare under her dress and she positioned herself over his cock. The thin khakis he wore did nothing to shield her heat from him especially as she worked down the zipper. "Promise me you want stop taking me all the ways you want to. That you won't hide your rough edges and darker nature. That you will not treat me as though I am fragile just because I carry a child."

And in his mind clicked the other part of what her worries were. She needed the things they shared as much as he did. "As long as a doctor says that our activities our safe then I will trust you to know your limits Ziva. Just as you trust me." With a twist of her hips she was riding him, silken muscles pulling tight around him. Shockingly fast she was crying out her release and equally as fast he was following her.

Ziva lay panting across him. Once hadn't been enough they'd ended up stumbling toward the living room and managing to pull out a blanket to lie on before he'd taken her again. Trying to catch her breath as his hands stroked her hair. "I love you Jethro so much more than you know. I am sorry that I keep going back and forth I do not wish you to doubt how I feel for you."

"And I you Ziva we will find our way through this and neither of us will be alone. I wouldn't leave you even if you wanted me to." He slid on his pants and helped her tug her dress back in place. "You said you have a feeling?"

"I feel different though I can't say how. And I do not have the symptoms I normally do before I start my period." She fought the blush feeling ridiculous. "'I'm going to go upstairs and then we'll know for sure."

Jethro watched her go upstairs feeling caught between excitement and lingering concern. A brief glance at his watch as the front door opened had him realizing that more time had passed than he'd expected and Nico was already returning.

The quiet had Nico looking around for Ziva, "Everything ok?"

"Yes though we should talk later when we can be alone. I'm just waiting for her to come downstairs and tell me if I'm a father again." He didn't bother to hide his smile as Nico sunk onto the couch next to him.

"You swore you'd never have another."

Gibbs felt the pain the reminder of that vow brought. The sharpness of the loss never faded but it was brief and tempered by the sound of Ziva descending the stairs. "She was never expected."

Nico nodded and watched as Ziva made her way toward them. A blind man would have been able to see the answer in her eyes. "Congratulations."

Ziva was back in his lap tucking her head under his chin as she snuggled close. "You always seem to get your way Jethro in this case I am glad."

Joy swept through him had his hands clenching in her hair and holding her tight. He laughed lightly "A child Ziva something I never thought would happen again. I never thought I could trust someone enough to have a child with."

The words were said softly just a quiet admission of why children had never been a part of his marriages after Shannon. A glance at Nico and she could see he shared their joy. "Far more than you bargained for Nico."

"I came with only the expectation of beer and steak Amorina everything else has been a blessing."

"Jethro, Abby called while I was upstairs she was upset and said she needed to talk. I should have checked with you first but I told her she could come here."

"Is she alright?" Jethro saw Nico sit up straighter.

Ziva touched his bare chest trailing her fingers down idly. "I think there is some trouble with her boyfriend but not anything dangerous. She will be here soon. I know the timing is not the best…" They had postponed dinner and it was already late but even with the news of the baby she couldn't have told Abby no.

"Ziva I do not expect you to stop living your life because of what we share. Though this does remind me there are still aspects we should discuss another time. Of course Abby is welcome. Do you want to tell her about the baby?"

Ziva tried to hide the thrill of that idea. But couldn't fight the smile. "I had planned to ask you what you thought. And if she is upset I do not want to make it about me."

"If you want to tell Abby I have no objection. Now before she gets here Nico and I will take ourselves downstairs."

"Thank you Jethro for understanding. And if anything is really wrong with Abby I'll let you know."

"Took the words right out of my mouth.." He gave her a quick kiss and headed toward the kitchen.

Ziva felt herself in Nico's arms his mouth taking hers with no apology. "I wasn't gone long mi amor but I missed you. You will be an amazing mother."

That quickly he was gone and she could hear Abby in the driveway. Opening the door she found Abby dressed in a pink sundress and strappy sandals with little makeup and curls in her hair. "Abby? What…."

"I'm an idiot Ziva, a world class idiot." she dropped a floral pink purse that had Ziva lifting an eyebrow.

"'I doubt that but what are you talking about?"

"I was supposed to meet Rand's parents this afternoon. I say supposed to because when I got to his house he took one look at me and called his parents and cancelled. He said I looked ridiculous and ...and..I can't even remember what else because I walked out. I'm so mad I could spit." Abby stomped her foot before finally slumping on the couch in a pout."

Ziva sat next to her letting Abby stew while she thought about what she'd said. Rand was a handsome man, tending to wear the finest suits and ties, ran a fortune 500 company and was known to play golf now and then. To the world he looked like a playboy but Abby described him as sweet, kind and understanding of her uniqueness. "Abby it sounds like you did not give him a chance to explain." Ziva remembered her jealousy over the way Nico had been touching Abby's hair and even now with time passed, felt the embarrassment of that moment. She'd had been so wrapped up in her own mood she'd forgotten all about Rand.

"He said I looked ridiculous. I did all this went to all this work so I would look acceptable to his parents. I did it for him!"

"Abby perhaps Rand wanted to take the Abby he knows to meet his parents not the Abby you felt the need to pretend to be. And what has crawled into you?"

Abby laughed as she swiped a frustrating tear from her eye. "I think you mean gotten into me. I was trying to do something nice for him."

"You are the something nice for him Abby. The women he cares for just as you are. What brought this on?"

Abby sniffled "The last time we went out as in out somewhere other than his house or mine it was to a function. Everyone looked at me like I was a weirdo. I like who I am, I like the way I look but I love Rand and I don't want to embarrass him."

"I think you're missing his point Abby, he didn't want you to meet his parents looking like someone you are not." Abby's eyes locked onto her and she realized Abby had already known that but needed to hear from anyone.

"Sometimes I worry Ziva about what people think when they look at us. Normally I don't care what people think but it matters with him. And there's even those odd moments when I wonder if he isn't with me just for freak factor."

"Firstly Abby you are not a freak. You are unique and I am learning that what other people think shouldn't matter. More than that you cannot let it rule your relationships. Easy to say but harder to live in reality. I am sorry you worry why he is with you. The only advice I can give is to tell you to talk to him. You read people well if he is lying to you I suspect you will know."

Abby looked at Ziva saw the genuine caring in her eyes and something more. "Is everything ok with you?"

"Just adjusting to the relationship. It is not easy." Ziva kept her answer vague.

"The one with Gibbs, the one with Nico or the one with both of them?" Ziva turned bright red and Abby found herself laughing.

Gibbs descended the stairs to his basement and found Nico had already poured him a drink. "I'm happy for you Gibbs. I can see you are as well. It is a good life you have now."

"That it is Nico." he was happy but the joy over his child was overridden by his concern.

"So what is bothering you my friend?"

"Her hesitation she told me that it comes from her fear that the three of us together had her worried I was testing her loyalty. And she asked me not to ask her to marry me."

"Her fear is reasonable Gibbs. After what she's been through. She trusts you, I see it but I also see fear not of the intimacy we share but in other ways. When you leave, or even sometimes when you stand too close to other women. It's not conscious but it's there. You know it Gibbs you were there, but her father abandoned her to death and rape. Her mother died, her sister died, she killed her brother. Every man she ever trusted either died or betrayed her. You are the first to be in her life so long, so constant and now we share her. I believe her when she says it doesn't make her feel less loved but the fear is something she cannot control it sneaks in during her dark moments. Now there's a baby, any woman one who hadn't been through what she has would be concerned." Nico took a sharp drink of his liquor before running a hand through his hair. "There's me sharing feelings I have no business having for her, that adds to her pressure. It's not just how fast Gibbs, it's a waterfall of emotions that she's handling better than I would expect."

Gibbs swallowed down his drink along with most of his smile. "You done?"

Nico took another swallow of whiskey and nodded. "Yes I rambled. But I'm not wrong."

"No you're not. Sometimes it's like she's cast a spell on me. When she's near all I think about is her, being with, her keeping her. I can't fathom being without her and yet she fears me leaving her. But you're right she's entitled to her fears."

"It's just about time Gibbs. You have been a part of each other's lives for years. You have the luxury of being comfortable that can lead you both into thinking being together intimately should be easy. But if anything it will be more difficult especially with me in the mix."

"You are not leaving Nico.."

Nico shook his head. "No I'm not leaving I understand enough to know it would upset her."

"And me."

Nico flashed him a look. "The baby will change things."

Gibbs sighed. "Yes in ways I'm not sure Ziva considered before agreeing. She will not be able to continue being in the field now."

"That hadn't dawned on me either. There is something we haven't discussed Gibbs at least not in detail. How we will handle this relationship in public. It is a reality that this town and your work will not tolerate a truly open version of it"

Gibbs wanted to argue had assured Ziva it didn't matter but truth be told there would be fallout. "I told Ziva it doesn't matter."

"And it doesn't have too. But we can also proceed with more care. I would suggest that at least here in the place you live and work we keep things quiet. I can be here but know one has to know the why of it. Public displays of affection between Ziva and I would be kept to those places we know are safe. Society can be cruel and Ziva has suffered enough. Not to mention enough people will assume as it is. I can front very simple as a friend and roommate."

"I think before we iron out specific details we should include Ziva in this discussion. Plus there are other details as well."

"You look happy Ziva and that make me happy, of all people you deserve it." Abby was gathering her things. "And thank you for letting me vent. I just want to make Rand happy and as you pointed out forgot to stay me in the process."

"I am finding that relationships at least real relationships can be very complicated. Until Jethro I had not been in one that mattered so much. The other were easy to walk away from him….and now Nico I am often very confused one day and completely clear the next." Ziva followed Abby to the door noticing that dusk had begun to fall

"Pardon me for saying so but I don't see that going away any time soon Ziva. There is zero judgement for me in the path you've chosen with them. But you are smart enough to know that won't always be the case. Accepting that can't be easy give yourself time Ziva. Take the advice you've given me be the person Gibbs and Nico fell in love with the rest will work itself out." She gave Ziva a quick hug and made her way back to her car and towards Rand.

She wandered her way to the kitchen not at all surprised to find the men waiting for her. "You said earlier that we should talk Jethro and I agree. However right now that is not what I want."

"No it isn't Ziva I see that. What do you want?"

"I don't know…"

"I think you do."

Ziva looked at them both trying to find the right words to express what she needed. She felt a blush work it's way up her skin. It always made her feel ridiculous how easily she blushed around either man it was something virgins did and she was far from one. Yet something about standing in front of them trying to find the courage to ask for what she needed was daunting.

"Ziva you will tell me what you need."

Ziva's eyes shot to his. He'd used that voice the one that demanded her attention and her obedience. "I need to be yours, I do not want to think or have to choose. I need your rough edges tonight."

Gibbs wanted to roar with pride. It had taken courage for her to do as he asked she'd kept his gaze as she'd spoken but only just. The fight against the shyness he knew she loathed was intoxicating. As he glanced toward Nico he could see it had the same effect upon him. Moving closer to her he let one hand wrap gently around the column of her throat. "You are always mine Ziva make no mistake in this. You request is easily granted but it is the last one you will make this evening. Nico will lock the door and close up the house. And then my dear we will begin."