Rowan

I find myself slumped over, still in the chair, held upright only by my constraints. I am not sure how much time has passed; for how long I have been unconscious. I feel a cool, damp cloth on the back of my neck and realize someone has woken me.

I look up, dazed, and then blink, confused, as I am met with a face I recognize. "Rosemary."

She leaned close to my ear, seemingly tending to one of the burn marks on my temple. She whispered quickly, "There isn't much time. You need to do what they say. You need to get out of here before it gets worse."

I took a deep breath and raised my chin, trying to keep the terror out of my voice. "I don't care. I am not afraid of dying."

"They are not going to kill you," she hissed, frantically looking at the door. "Don't you understand? They are going to give you Forgetfulness serum and then the Treatment, again and again, until you won't even be able to remember your own name, let alone your faction. You'll forget your mothers ever existed. You won't even be able to recognize Wade. Is that what you want?"

I stared at her, paralyzed in shock and disbelief. "What?"

She gathered the bandages and basin of water, speaking in hushed tones. "Be obedient. Do as they say; comply fully. And they might let you go." She paused, then turned to me. Her eyes were filled with tears. "Please, Rowan. I cannot lose you, too." And then she was gone.

A few minutes later, President Egret returned with the figure, ready to restart the machine.

Ready to restart the Treatment.

The figure busies themselves around the machine; turning knobs, testing switches. I gaze at them in horror, half-unwilling, half-unable to comprehend what is taking place.

The machine once again whirs to life.

My throat constricts as I remember the warm springtime days of my childhood, overcoming difficult times with my brother at my side, the chilled autumn nights when the stars were at their brightest. I remember green meadows and apple orchards and playing drums with my friends. I remember, I remember climbing trees and laughing as we tried to see who could reach the highest branches; I remember imagining I could take wing in an instant; I remember tying a sling around Wade's arm when he fell from the sky.

I feel an overwhelming sense of desolation. I remember everything. My head drops forward against my chest and I begin to sob.

"Please, I cannot do this."

President Egret stands in front of me, arms crossed. "You have been a trouble to this entire faction for many years, now. You must be Treated in order to become better; in order to understand your place."

I remember difficult harvests and cold winters. I remember huddling by the fire, wrapped in blankets, listening to stories before bed. I remember running through summer rainstorms and summer droughts. I remember sickness, and loneliness, and comradeship.

I nod, still weeping. "Please, I understand. I have learned my lesson. I worship and honor my faction. I just want to go home—I just want to go back to the harvest. I can be a dutiful faction member, I promise."

A thin string of saliva, tinged pink, falls to my shirt. Pathetic.

"Raven would like a child. You would make for a good companion."

"No! No, please, I cannot—I do not love her. I just want to go back to the harvest. I can be useful…I can help the faction."

"And so, whom is it you love?"

"No one, I swear—Work; I love work. It is my one true purpose. I have found my purpose, for the good of the faction."

I don't know what is to become of me. I am overcome by despair.

I remember new, bright green leaves slowly unfurling from their stems. I remember small, yellow flowers and birds calling to one another and to their hatchlings. I remember snow, and ice, and crystal-clear, freezing water. I remember getting sunburned, and getting splinters in my hands. I remember damp, dark mold. I remember joyous celebrations around the bonfire after a successful harvest. I remember sunsets. I remember my mothers; I remember Wade. I remember everything.

She leans towards me. I look up, beseeching.

A hoarse whisper: "Please. Just kill me. I beg of you."

She looks down at me and smiles. Softly; kindly.

"When it is time. I promise."