I was enjoying my nice book of scary stories on the terrace when I got a text from one of my "exes". Okay... as you know I'm known as the Sexy Lucifer at school. I mean I'm dark and sexy; two dangerous quirks in one package. I went through thirteen relationships during middle and high school, however, what not many people know is the fact that I have a secret business. Well, business is the most common word I can describe, and nonsexual. The truth is I went through 8 fake relationships and 5 real relationships. Dead ass I'm not lying. See, what I do is be the best "fake" boyfriend to my customers. We basically used each other; me for popularity status and they for saying "yeah, I tapped that" or an excuse for secret outings, or my personal favorite: lying to parents, which is the main reason. Believe me, I can pull off a suave, peppy, perfect boy next door act, and Mom and Dad give their kids a thumbs-up approval. Think of my business as the movie Easy A without the fake sex/slut rumor; then again, I'm basically my school's teenage pimp. My parents are aware of what I do. They believed it might help my charisma on the field.

Anyway, I've got a text from Lydia, one of my customers, pitching in a huge favor, which I find strange because we haven't spoken since the summer break. In fact, last I checked she and her parents were on a family getaway. I found it odd she finally took the first (I almost forgot about her). From her text, she sounded desperate. I sighed. It better be worth it otherwise I'm leaving her scrawny ass to end for herself.

I got dressed in my signature attire and headed over to the place she will be waiting: Albearto's Pizza Plaza. Albearto's is... like New York's Chuck E. Cheese but with a lower franchise. It's a birthday party place filled with games, fun, and the main event: Albearto the animatronic bear and his weird robot bandmates, Cherry Tomato and President Pepperoni (seriously, who came up with those names).

I got closer and saw a skinny girl dressed up for a date and not for a birthday party. I was close enough for her to notice me. I saw movements behind her legs. Nope.

"I know this isn't your thing..." Lydia said, trying to be reasonable.

"Clearly not my thing", I interrupted.

"But I need your help", she continued, "I agreed to chaperone Timmy's birthday party, unfortunately, Katie made movie plans and I didn't want to miss it for the world. Since Timmy already knows you, you can take my place." Lydia gave me pleading eyes under her light pink eyeshadow and fake, fluttering eyelashes.

I cocked an eyebrow. "What's in it for me?"

"My respect." I turned around and lifted a leg. "Wait! I'll pay you! $20 an hour! I swear! My parents are slowly accepting my lesbian girlfriend; please let me have this!" she really didn't want to reschedule.

I turned a 180 spin. "I'm putting your name under the 'You-Owe-Me-Bitch' list."

"What does bitch mean?" Timmy, her little brother, said.

"Uh, pretend you didn't hear that, and I'll buy you whatever you like", Lydia said while giving me her nastiest glare.

I waved my hand, shooing the lesbo girl. "How about I buy him whatever he wants since I can afford it? You just go to your date before Katie thinks we hook up behind her back."

"Okay, okay. You have my number. If anything, call me. I'll be here faster than you can say my name... oh! Make sure Timmy doesn't break anything –"

I literally had to shove her down the sidewalk to stop her talking. She immediately took a hint and waved to us as she ran down the street. It was between me and the pipsqueak. I felt a tug on my pants. I looked at the birthday boy. "If I like you, does that make me gay?" oh, that bitch owes me fucking big time.

"Ask me again in ten years, squirt." I bent to his level. "Ready to start your B-day?" he pouted. He didn't look excited. If I were him, I wouldn't want to be here either. "Say. If things get too boring, we'll sneak out and get ourselves some birthday ice cream."

The boy looked up with big, hopeful eyes. "Really? My parents paid for the whole thing and my sister was supposed to stay not go on some date with a girl she won't stop talking about."

I laid a hand on his fluffy hair. "It's your day, Big Man. You want ice cream then I'll nab an ice cream truck for ya – well, not really, but I do know a place where they sell birthday cake ice cream."

Timmy nodded with excitement. "Yeah! That sounds better than this dump!"

"I forgot why I like you, squirt. You're like a Mini Me. Come on." We made our way inside and I had the unfortunate encounter with Ms. Sassy Girl, April.

April was in uniform with a name tag that said, "Party Captain O'Neil." She put on her fake smile and greeted us. One by one, each kid came and decided to wreak havoc at the pizza plaza. Timmy had on a cheap, paper crown ordering his followers' task like a commander at war. I was at one of the benches playing MapleStory on my phone. I didn't care what the munchkins were doing if it doesn't involve poison, weapons, or drugs. Other than that, they can go nuts. I let my little character on autopilot so I can stretch my legs when I saw the Party Captain working on a crane machine. Apparently, a little boy managed to get himself inside the machine. I was bored and curious, so I decided to offer my service. The African American girl was mumbling to herself until her boss (a short, balding, geeky man) told her off. Something about this being her last shot before getting fired.

I got closer after Geek Man hid in his office. "Need help?" I asked. April jumped and pressed her back against the machine. Her chest heaving. She glared at me.

"No, I don't need help! What I want from you is for you to control your kids! Your brother and his friends are causing havoc!" I could say Timmy isn't my brother, but I don't know her enough to her. It's not her business.

I saw Timmy and two other kids running with balls from the ball pit shooting them like projectiles. "Please, don't throw that. You're gonna get hurt. Don't", I said in a drawl, uncaring voice.

"Has anyone ever told you you're the worst babysitter?"

"All the damn time." I walked to the crane game. My elbow ready to smash the glass.

April grabbed my arm. "Don't! I just want to get through the Happy Birthday song and cake for once! No accidents or chaos."

"Seriously? You never went through the Happy Birthday song? Or cake? How long have you been working here?" my question wasn't answered as she dragged me to the center room to force me to sit front row seat as she made her presentation on stage. I leaned on the table watching her work.

"Get hyped, kids! Coming to the stage to sing 'Happy Birthday', give a big 'what up' to the Cheese Master of Bear-imonies", God, this was terrible. I already had a knife on hand to throw. "Albearto and his Fun Time Band, Cherry Tomato and President Pepperoni." A trio of cheap animatronics appeared on stage. A bear in a chef outfit standing center stage, a female tomato in fishnet stocking and heels on his right on guitar, and a tall unsliced pepperoni wearing President Lincoln's costume on drums (his drumsticks are two salami).

"Bon giorno, kiddies! I hear someone's a year older today, and I'm not talking about my underwear." Whoever did Albearto's dialogue should be shot... in the head. That joke was as stale as his underwear. Ew. Meaty Lincoln dim shot his drums. No one laughed. I wonder if nobody will notice I knife in Albearto's face. "Okay, sing with my kiddies! Happy- "

"Hey, Albearto! Incoming!" I heard Timmy and I saw a glass cup of root beer flying over my head. It hit straight into the bear animatronic's mouth. It short circuited.

I howled in laughter. "Nice shot, squirt!" I gave Timmy a high five. I saw April in total panic while she checked her phone. She must be finding a quick solution to the dilemma. I can see why she never gets through the song and cake. I swear she has bad luck or something. After Albearto's demise, it was every kid for themselves. I happen to be in the center of the child typhoon. Instead of getting filthy, I followed April until I felt a familiar tug and a nagging voice saying free pizza repeatedly.

I threw the curtains heading inside the kitchen seeing the turtle gang. Donnie was deconstructing the damaged robot while the other three were enjoying the party-size pizza. Raph saw me first.

"You!" the snapping turtle yelled, pointing at me, "what are you doing here?!"

I shrugged. "Chaperoning", I answered.

"Terrible chaperoning", April said her two cents.

"Hey, the kids are alive." A crash was heard beyond the curtains. "...so to speak."

'Mikey needs to stop jabbing me.' My eyes landed on the slider and box turtle. Mikey elbowed Leo on his side while moving his eyes. Leo didn't bother looking my way. His focus was on the pizza he was nibbling on.

"As a matter of fact, I didn't want to be here. I was doing a favor for my 'exes'."

"Exes, huh? What's the favor? Have a redo?" April loves to poke into people's business.

'She's not like that.' I glanced at Leo. 'She just wanted the truth.'

She can't handle the truth! Okay, that was a bit much. Wait... I can still hear Leo... I wonder. I'm also a little curious... I smirk as I saw Leo raising an eye ridge.

I walked closer to April and tilted his chin. "Would you like a demonstration?" I asked in my hushed, husky voice. In my mind, I said, can you read me bitch. Testing. Testing. One, two. Is this thing on?

However, April slapped my hand with hateful eyes. "Like I want a demonstration from a bastard like you!"

I shrugged again as I walked backward. "Can't blame a guy for trying." I stood next to Mikey, but he decided to calm his buff brother down, so, I was beside Leo instead who didn't want to acknowledge me. I felt anger in my chest. Strange. I didn't feel angry before. I was mostly bored.

'You chose April as your test subject?' Leo asked with the sentence coated in venom.

I would've done it to Lydia, but she had to bolt.

'Lydia? As in your ex?'

One of my exes, sure. She wanted to chip in favor, we were good friends back then, so what?

'You had exes? How many?'

I glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. Since did when you become a jealous boyfriend?

'I'm not JEALOUS or your BOYFRIEND! I can't stand how you're so comfortable flirting with people!'

Cabron, that's jealousy. Don't tell me you don't flirt as much as I do.

Leo scoffed. 'Whatever.'

Whatever. We fumed in silence. What about you, I asked through our link. He was silent for a few seconds.

'I tried Mikey', the slider explained while munching the same pizza, 'he was fine with it. He didn't ask questions, thank goodness.' He got quiet. 'I tried to read his mind and talk to him through mind link, but Mikey didn't respond.'

I guess it's just us two, then.

'Yep.'

Fantastic. We sighed in unison. Why us? It doesn't make sense – none of it makes sense. I'm still convinced it's his sword. What if it's something we're overlooking? Should I contact Dre? He's into mystic wonders and shit. I could call Alex if they have a book of magical properties. Diana could help me at the city library; she's the student intern there. Or –

I dodged an unfinished pizza. I looked at Leo as he angrily stomped over to the pizza. What crawled up your shell and die?

'Gee, I don't know. Maybe it's because I had to listen to you talk about exes this and exes that.'

I'm trying to find solutions here! I have a connection! Might as well use them.

'Right. Chip in more favors. You really are a player.'

The vein over my eye twitched. Dead ass, though. I'm not a mind reader. What's your problem? I dodged two more slices.

'You're my problem! Not a mind reader my ass!' and with that, he munched on a new pizza. Mikey was trying to talk to his brother. Raph was glaring daggers at me.

"What did you say to Leo, Goth Boy?" Raph accused.

"Honestly, absolutely nothing", I answered, going to April and Donnie with the remodified and upgraded Albearto. I whistled. "Nice shades, Don. Can he rock 'em better than the original?"

"Of course, he can!" Donnie exclaimed, "I present to you Alberto 2.14.2." I gave him a blank stare. "I upgraded my upgrade in the middle of the upgrade." That's a thing? The soft shell held a remote in his hands. "Now to sync him up to my remote, and it's showtime!"

"Bon giorno, kiddies!" the new and improved Albearto announced.

April pumped her fist. "Yeah, let's go give Timmy the Albearto-iest birthday ever!" but her confidence depleted as she drew away the curtains. I remained in the background watching everything. "You ready?"

"Yup", the smart turtle gave his friend a thumbs up. She pulled the lever to reveal the band with New Albearto looking like a celebrity rockstar with his pizza slice guitar in hand.

"Bon giorno, kiddies!" Albearto greeted his signature greeting. I heard a little girl ask if the robot was going to break again while April responded to not going to happen... again. "Hold on to your birthday hats, kiddies!" The animatronic rocked on his guitar while his bandmates played their instruments stiffly.

"And now for a guitar solo. You're welcome." Donnie pressed a button on his device.

Albearto shredded his guitar behind his back. "Check me out, I'm shredding this guitar like it's mozzarella." The kids were going nuts. Who could blame them? The new pizza bear is awesome!

"Great job, man!" I praised Donnie who was surprised by the sudden compliment. "This is impressive! You managed to fix Albearto in what, five minutes?"

"Oh, four minutes and thirty-seven seconds but who's counting?" Donnie's cheeks had a light pink hue. I felt an angry bubble in my chest.

'Flirty with my twin, are we?' I pushed Leo's words behind my mind and focused on the concert.

Suddenly, my scanners picked up warning signals. I zoomed in on Albearto. He's glitching.

"Guy..." I said gaining their attention, "is Albearto supposed to glitch, or is that part of the show?" Donnie furiously pressed on his remote. Albearto started jerking and spinning all over the stage until he thrusts his guitar into the spotlight electrocuting the bear bot.

The lights were out.

And I could've sworn Albearto's eyes turned red.