(a few days before Halloween; a day after Dark Merrill aftermath)
I lay on my bed hugging my pillow against my chest. Questions whirled in my mind. I was doubting myself. Alex called me to make sure I'd be there with April and my brothers at Merrill's place on Halloween. I didn't want to see Merrill. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate him. I'm not angry at him, either. Disappointed, sure, I guess. I'm just...
I'm confused.
I'm very confused.
Are my affections real or am I projecting someone else? Was meeting Merrill planned? Was it fate? Did I follow the same path as my past self? Was everything planned? I don't know what's real...
Am I still me?
I don't know.
I buried my face deeper into my pillow. If I didn't say yes, Alex threatened to search the entire sewer to find my home, tie me up, and drag me all the way to the mansion. I told them I'll relay the message and be there (excluding the threatening part). I was looking forward to Halloween at first but now I just want to stay in bed. Maybe listen to Dad talk about how great Lou Jitsu was.
I heard a tap on the wall at my room's entrance. I looked up to see Raph giving me a greeting smile. "Hey, little man, mind if I come in?" my big brother asked.
"Sure", I said with my unusual lack of energy. I laid back down clutching my pillow more. I felt my bed shift on the far end. Raph took a seat. "So... excited for Halloween?" bless the big guy for trying to lift my spirits.
"Eh", I answered with unenthused motivation.
Raph sighed. "Leo. I know you're upset..."
"I'm not upset!" I flinched at my sudden anger. I didn't mean to take it out on Raph. I wanted to be alone. Instead of apologizing, I curled myself up. He went quiet.
"Do you... want to... talk about it?" he asked after a few seconds of silence. I wanted to ignore him. I wanted to NOT talk about what's bothering me.
But the words flew out of my mouth without stopping me. "Talk about what? How Merrill kept a secret or secrets depended on how many more he kept from me. How there's a deeper meaning to our connection which by the way he didn't bother asking me for permission like my opinions don't matter. Oh, and the icing on the supreme pizza cake, where a ghost man told him were soulmates and not just that we have past lives who fell in love! Where do you want me to start?" wow... I had a lot on my chest.
"I'm no Doctor Feelings, but I do know friends don't have to share everything, including secrets. Okay, maybe Merrill should've talked to you about revealing that hidden info, but knowing Goth Boy he probably had a good reason. We wanted to save it for the right opportunity. I think you should just to him."
I sat up looking my big brother in the eyes. "Raph, out of everyone, you're the last person who wants me to date Merrill... scratch that, Dad would be the last person to say it's okay to date my best friend with dark powers."
Raph lifted his finger and pointed at my face. "Nope, nope, nope. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You're too young to date. I, and everyone else, can't stand the crack between you two. I'm slowly starting to see why you like Goth Boy. HOWEVER! He has a long way to go to get Raph's stamp of approval."
I blinked. "...so... you don't want me to date him...?"
Raph blinked, too, until he shrilled. "Ah! This wasn't what I wanted to say! Look. Do you like him or hate him?"
I hugged my pillow. "Of course, I don't hate him!"
"Duh!" I could hear the eye roll of his statement. "You wouldn't hate him if you kissed him in front of us." I buried my face in my pillow feeling my face remembering how I broke the spell. "Makes me wonder what's holding you back."
I pulled my face out of its hiding place. I knew my face was still burning. "What if... what if... they're not mine...?"
"I don't follow."
"Merrill said our past lives were lovers", I explained with my hand raised out. I focused on the detailing in my palm. "It made me wonder if they're really my feelings or someone else's. Does Merrill like me for me or was he thinking about his past love? Who am I to him?" it was quiet again. I didn't blame him. I spilled my guts on my problems. Now I just want to lay back on my bed and stare at the wall.
"That's stupid", I looked over at Raph, shocked, "You're Leo. Blue Leonardo Hamato as Dad named you. You're the turtle with the skills. You love to show them off and say your one-liners. You love Jupiter Jim and watch Lou Jitsu movies. You love to use swords over anything else. I know it, Donnie and Mikey know it, Dad, April, your new friends, and Merrill. Let me ask you something. Before we left, did Merrill call your name or his past lover's?"
"My name", I mumbled.
Raph nodded with arms crossed. "That's right. Merrill sees you as you. If that doesn't answer your question, well, you might need to ask another person 'cause I got nothing." I chuckled at that last remark. "There you are... miss that smile. And I bet Merrill does, too."
"Now you're really trying to set me up with him."
"I'm just trying to get you two to be friends again, not boyfriends."
"You know there's a friends-to-lovers ratio, right?"
Raph screamed. "Ah! My brain! Get those images out of there!" and I thought I was dramatic. I felt a little better.
Maybe Merrill and I will talk after Halloween. Yes. We'll have that talk!
~Lady Ai~
(Present; Halloween Night)
Here we are in our costumes. Alex decided to dress us as characters from Alice in Wonderland. I was dressed as Alice, Merrill as the Mad Hatter, April's the Chesire Cat, both Raph and Mikey were the Tweedle twins, Donnie was the Caterpillar, and Alex, as creative as they were, was both the Red Queen and the White King; Lydia and Katie were Beauty and the Beast. Merrill and I were separated from the others who paired in twos. Anyone with eyes could see the tension between Alex and Raph. I could understand the tension too well. In the end, Raph and Mikey went off; Donnie and Alex left; and April went with the girls; all of them went in different directions to get candy. Which left me standing awkwardly next to my best friend. I wanted to talk to Merrill, but I don't know where to begin. Obviously, I'm not starting to confess my feelings. Not yet. There's just too much going on. I inhaled deeply. Not tonight, Leon. Tonight, it was about Trick-o-Treating'. We're Alice and Hatter... standing close together on the corner of the street with our bags in hand.
I wasn't in the mood to Trick-o-Treat, and I could tell Merrill wasn't either. Our friends ditched us probably because they were hoping we could set aside our differences and talk. We were literally shoved together and bounced. I tightened my grip on the bag's handle. It's no use standing around. I opened my mouth, but Merrill spoke first.
"Wanna go to the park?" he asked. It was the first time he said something after we left his place. I admit. It was better than standing still like a couple of statues. So, I nodded.
We walked together a few inches apart but not too far. Each person commented on our costumes and how great we looked together. A few boys hit on me. Result: Merrill threatened to end their lives. I wasn't kidding; his fangs were showing. He was about to go full Dark Merrill mode if I hadn't pulled him away.
Finally, we made it to the park. We made our way to the swing set and sat on the empty seats. We sat there in silence. I looked up at the sky seeing the clouds float by. I heard the clicks beside me. I glanced to see Merrill flickering with his silver lighter. My voice echoed in my head. I focused on my feet pushing the wood chips on the ground.
Merrill sighed. "What are we doing?" he asked. I looked over at him seeing his glare at his reflection in the small object.
I shrugged, nonchalantly. "We wanted to go to the park because we weren't in the mood for Trick-o-Treating", I answered, expecting that's what he was implying.
"That's not what I meant!" he jumped. I was jolted by his sudden action. "Why are we pretending everything's fine? All for what? Avoiding the inevitable? Ignoring the awkward topic bound to pop up?" his shadow shifted underneath his feet. His hands tightened to fists; shadows manifested in his hands. It was a good thing I was sitting because the mass of darkness he was spewing it was making me dizzy. Merrill noticed it and took a deep breath. His shadows dispersed. "Sorry... I didn't know it had that effect on you. Was it recent?"
With his shadows under control, I managed to get my barrens in order. "I guess... it was when we came to save you." I stood up. My knees buckled a bit. Merrill was already at my side holding me around my waist. I gazed into his concerned blue eyes. My heart pounded against my ribcage. I was afraid it might burst any second. I quickly looked away. "Alex managed to get the door open, but I saw... I saw a tidal wave of shadows spilling out. I felt nauseous and if it weren't for Katie and Lydia I would have passed out."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were sensitive to darkness. Maybe your ability is awakening soon." My ability... like how Merrill became the Shadow King? Will I be consumed by my power as well? The thought scared me. "You know... I was wondering... how long have we danced?"
I looked up and was greeted by his soft smile. "It was a few weeks ago during your Homecoming Dance." It was the worst and best night of my life.
Merrill released his grip as he pulled out his phone while searching through it. "I always believe actions speak louder than words." Music started playing and I knew what he was implying as he laid his phone on the swing seat. The piano started playing through the phone's speakers.
"For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that I have
Of everything that I wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing, oh yeah"
Merrill walked up to me. He raised his hand palm facing up. "May I have this dance?" I saw flashes of our slow dance at Homecoming Night. How I cherished those moments with him. I reluctantly took his hand. He pulled me close, and we swayed to the music.
"For the ending of my first begin
(Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah)
And for the rare and unexpected friend
(Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah)
For the way you're something that I'd never choose
But at the same time, something I don't wanna lose
And never wanna be without ever again"
Merrill sure knew how to pick a song. I was expecting him to pull a song from Nightmare Before Christmas. "You wound me, Lee. But I don't mind switching it up."
I chuckled as I felt a smile spreading on my face. "Don't ruin it, Goth Boy. You're lucky I like you."
"Right back at ya, Bluey." His smile matched mine.
"You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You are the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear, I need you here always"
"Leo..." Merrill began to say, "I never meant to hurt you." his grip tightened.
"My accidental happily
(Ever after)
The way you smile and how you comfort me
(With your laughter)
I must admit you were not a part of my book
But now if you open it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter"
"I know... I just... I'm confused..." I told him what I told Raph. My concerns about my past life, how I felt about it, didn't ask for my permission, and his keeping secrets. I didn't know if it was how the danced or the way I blurted out my insecurities, but I felt lighter than ever.
"You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
(When you were here)
You the best thing I never knew I needed
(That I needed)
So now it's so clear, I need you here always
(Now it's so clear)"
"That's stupid", my Mad Hatter answered after my explanation.
"That's what Raph said", I mumbled.
"Who knew that I could be
(Who knew that I could be)
So unexpectedly
(So unexpectedly)
Undeniably happier
Sitting with you right here, right here next to me
Girl, you're the best"
"Of course, I see you," he said, twirling my body with ease. "Despite the whole "past life" shit, it doesn't change anything. You're still the pain in my ass when I first met you."
"And you're still the same Goth anime nerd with the cursing mouth. Did I mention you have such a way with words?" I stated, adding a smirk.
"It's one of many charms." We chuckled together. This was what we needed. To be alone and talk. This was nice. Sure, we still have much more to discuss, but this was a stepping stone. We'll get there eventually.
"You're the best thing I never knew I needed
(Said I needed)
So when you were here I had no idea
(When you were here)
(Said I had no idea)
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
(That I needed)
So now it's so clear I need you here always
(Now it's so clear)
(So clear, so clear, I need you always)"
We danced around the park without a care in the world. Alice and the Mad Hatter to humans. A boy and a turtle with us. For a scary holiday, it became a magical night. Merrill spun me again and dipped me. I couldn't stop being giddy. It was like nothing changed. I was worried for nothing. I looked up at Merrill, seeing him just as giddy as I was. His expression shifted as he cupped my cheek.
"Now it's so clear, I need you here always"
My friend leaned in with his eyelids closed. I knew what was coming. I laid my hands on his shoulders and followed his example. I felt his breath closing in an inch apart from my beak.
"Well. You two look like you're having a splendid evening." that voice! I knew that voice. We quickly separated. Merrill stood between me and the newcomer. His arm was guarding me.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Merrill sneered. His teeth were forming into fangs.
I looked over to the one person I didn't expect to see. "I didn't come here to fight", Xander explained, looking less threatening in his formal casual wear. "I sought out to talk to you."
What does Big Mama's son want from us?