"After I woke up, I was stuck with your turtle boyfriend and your loyal slave in a house full of imposters", Warren finished his detailed story.
"I can't believe you remembered all that", I said, astounded.
"A good reporter has a sharp memory besides you two are disgustingly adorable it's hard not to forget", the worm boasted, "Apparently, before we met up with you, you were already unconscious after a bar fight."
"Did I win?"
"Duh! Master always goes on top!" Cuddles cheered.
"I knew it!" I silently cheered.
Leo sighed. "Despite Merrill being on top..."
"Giggidy."
"Shut up. As I said, despite Merrill being on top is one thing, there's the fact that we keep going back to square one with no idea how to get home."
Mi tortuga amigo has a point. With each reset, we're no closer to figuring out how to escape or who's behind it. We're at a disadvantage. No powers. No weapons. We had to adapt to our surroundings. I'm certain we figured this out over the last few times but were outsmarted in the end. I looked at the sheets in my hands. Maybe we're not at a loss... "I think Worm Guy gave us an edge", I said and the trio gave me a questionable stare along with Warren protesting his nickname. "Think about it... Warren here recorded the last 378 times. He made his cheat sheet. We followed through the story while avoiding the red flags. Leo doesn't have to die; I won't disappear; Leo won't get married to a numbskull; and we'll be home faster than quicksand."
Lee nodded. "Great plan... problem: we live in two different houses, how are we going to keep an eye on each other?"
I picked up both the worm and the rabbit. "With our new sidekicks", I replied with a smirk.
"How dare you call me a sidekick!" Warren protested again and I rolled my eyes.
"Yay, I'm promoted!" Mrs. Cuddles was over the moon.
"Listen. We get one pest", I explained, "I'll take Wally and you'll take the fangirl."
"NO! I don't wanna go with the smelly turtle!"
"Cuddles, go with him."
"Okay!"
Leo huffed. "I'll pretend not to be offended. What you're saying is we follow through the plot with no questions asked?"
"Not exactly", I said, dropping our two sidekicks while starting to pace, "we'll pretend to accept our roles. Lee, you're the key. Whoever is behind this doesn't want you to die. You're Beauty, the protagonist. In this story, the Beast is portrayed as the antagonist. Not just an anti-hero, but an absolute bad guy. He's a terror to the villagers. They were desperate enough to sell you to some guy for safety. It would help if you were placed in the spotlight. The author – who I'm guessing is the person behind our entrapment – intended for you to be with the town hero. Everyone will have eyes on you. As for me, I'll investigate the circumstance. I'm playing as a side character which is perfect for me. No one will suspect a thing."
"Great, you play detective while I play kissy face to a stranger", Leo sarcastically said with an eye roll.
"I get it. You don't like it-"
"No. No. 'Don't like' is what I say if there was barbeque sauce on my Hawaiian pizza. Try 'Ew!' or 'Not gonna happen!' or my personal favorite 'Do it yourself'. Which one would you like to hear?"
"You already gave me all the above."
"I know I'm pretty, but when the bad guys see me like a trophy wife, it gets tiring. I almost locked lips with Hypno; I'm not having a repeat!" he said, shivering at the memory of the homecoming dance.
"You're the best actor I know... maybe you're the only actor I know... If anyone can pull it off, it's you."
"Damn it! I hate your compliments... they make my legs jelly..."
"They do?"
"...forget I said that..."
Oh, I'm holding that against him.
"You guys make me want to upchuck my lunch", Warren groaned.
"Me too!" Cuddles agreed, "Master could have someone who can be at his level!"
"I REALLY hate your fangirl", Leo whispered to me which I shrugged.
People screamed and cheered. "What's with the excitement?" I asked.
"Let's go check it out!" Cuddles ran toward the cheerful crowd.
"Cuddles, get your fluffy butt over here!" We ran after her. We followed her to the town square where a large crowd was circling a gazebo. Mrs. Cuddles was getting bigger by the minute. I pulled her by her ears before anyone spotted her. "Get over here, you ridiculous rabbit!" I cringed, seeing how she became my exact height. "It's bad enough everyone thinks I'm a no-good criminal I don't need them thinking I was a demon summoner."
"Aw. I just wanted to see what everyone was cheering for", she said. I let go of her ears.
I sighed. It's understandable. Everyone crowded around the gazebo. I saw two familiar faces on the gazebo: Big Mama and her son, Xander. However, a well-built man stood behind them. "Settle down, everyone! I need your attention, please! Madame Mayor, speaking!" Everyone continued to cheer. Since no one was listening, she pulled out a musket and shot the sky causing the villagers to simmer down; unfortunately, a bird was shot and instantly died. "Now that I have your attention, our hero, Gregory, returned to us from the war!" There was a war? I don't recall that event. Then again, there are too many revisions I could barely keep track of. "He is here to stay and train our soldiers to kill the monsters. Even aid in hunting. Winter is closing in and we are going to need all the supplies we can gather."
The muscled man approached forward. He had to be Gregory. His smooth, chocolate hair went past his neck. His chin was sharp enough to cut skin. I could see his chest hairs poking over his tight shirt; strong arms, strong legs, HUGE package; this guy was like a model on the cover of a romance novel. I swear to God he better not have big cheeks. All Hell will break loose.
"Thank you, Madame Mayor! Hello, everyone! It's good to be home!" Mr. Perfect greeted, gaining more cheers. "And I promise, I have retired. I will be teaching young men how to hunt and scavenge findings-" I drowned out the speech. Wasn't worth it.
"Whoa! That's Gregory? Woof!" I spotted Leo gaping at the man with a sliver of drool dripping from his mouth.
"Leo!" I yelled, accused. My friend quickly wiped off the drool.
"What? The rule says, "Look but don't touch". I respect it. You must admit. Gregory's good-looking."
"Agree to disagree. He's got nothing on me."
"Right... says the jealous Goth."
"I won't hesitate in pushing you into the water fountain."
"Beauty!" Our attention fell on the big man as Gregory gently pushed his way through the crowd heading toward us. Comparing his height to the villagers, he's at best an inch shorter than Raph. Greg came to us and scooped Leo in his arms. He twirled the turtle around. I had to step back to avoid the legs hitting me. My frown went sour seeing Leo giggling at the gesture; Leo giggles when I spun him around. What? Does Lee giggle with anyone who picks him up? It took every ounce of willpower to not punch Greg's perfect in. He stopped twirling Leo. "It's been too long, Beauty. Each day without you is an eternity for me. My days were darker without seeing you smile. My nights were colder without you in my arms. It was torture to my soul." A group of milkmaids cooed. I rolled my eyes; what a corny pickup line.
I looked up at the sky. Please, Lord. If you can hear my prayer, please let his ass be smaller than mine. I need something to one-up that beef stud. I crept a glance at Greg's rear.
FUCK! His cakes are bigger! They can clap a thunderstorm with those cheeks! I'm tempted to feel how firm they were.
Unfortunately, the big man ushered Leo to the gazebo. "It is time to settle down. And who better to spend the rest of my life with than with you."
Leo bashfully looked away. All the single men and women groaned. I hate this asshole! How can anyone hear such garbage?! Even Leo's buying it!
Right. I need to chill. I told Leo to act and it's working. All eyes are on him. Just as planned.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna like it.
Big Mama clapped her hands gaining the townspeople's attention. "Everyone! Tonight, we will hold a banquet for our hero's return! It is mandatory! Xannie, dear, write this down: Michelangelo will aid catering with the butcher and the baker along with a few women as his sou chefs. Rapheal will bring in the game along with the hunters as well as provide help carrying overweight carriers. Donatello will be organizing the event. Our famous boutique will be responsible for preparing Beauty for his debut. Places people! The center square needs to be beautiful! We are wasting daylight!"
Everyone scattered like ants while I stood there looking at the "happy" couple until the beautician grabbed Lee and gently pulled him in the opposite direction. He looked back at me yet looked ahead again. I frowned. I know I can't follow because my objective was to stay incognito; to not draw attention to me.
"Cuddles, go with Leo. Pretend to be the makeup artist's assistant", I commanded.
"What my Master say is my will!" she skipped after treating two individuals.
"I guess that leaves us bachelors", Warren said.
"You're a bachelor?" I asked which made the worm pout. I might as well interact with the villagers. Even if they hate me, I have other ways without interacting with people. I was about to go hide next to a group of maidens when I was stopped by Ms. Mayor herself.
"And where do you think you're going?" she asked with her back straightened and her strong voice reminded me of a powerful leader.
"To help?" I said as a question, "With the decorations?"
"Oh! No, no, no! I have a VERY special task that requires your expertise." I hate the sound of it.
"Okay... do you want me to carry materials?"
"No."
"Help cook the banquet?"
"No."
"Light up the lanterns?"
"Oh! Heavens no! We don't need another fire incident on hand." There's no way in Hell I'm that irresponsible. Or an arsonist!
"So... what do you have in mind?"
"A task worth your profession."
~Lady Ai~
A task worth my profession, she said. A VERY special task, she said. What a load of bullshit, I say while shoving a large pile of shit in the stables! I downgraded from Sexy Lucifer to Degenerate Stableboy. How the mighty have fallen.
"You missed a spot!" I growled hearing criticism from the tiny fucker.
"Do you mind?" I snarked, leaning against the old shovel.
Warren looked my way from on top of a wooden bucket. He was happily munching on an apple slice. "What? I'm supervising. Do you think these tiny hands can carry that huge shovel? I don't think so! It pays to be small." That lazy worm! My eyebrow twitched, but I had a sudden wicked idea. I used my shovel to knock over the bucket he was on. Warren landed on a pile of manure. I chuckled at his misfortune. He spat out the "dirt". "Don't get mad at me because you can't cuddle with your turtle boyfriend!"
I scoffed. "He's not my boyfriend." I went back to shoveling another turd pile.
"Sure... and I'm King Louis VIII. Are you okay watching your boyfriend flirting with a stranger?"
"What are you talking about? He's acting. There's no way Leo would go through with it. He doesn't know George."
"It's Gregory."
"I've heard it both ways", I said, dismissively waving my hand.
"It's funny to see someone like you be jealous."
"Someone like me? Care to elaborate?"
"I mean someone who looks and acts tough is a soft and caring person. It makes me feel like I'm back in my high school days."
"Go back to eating filth, you bottom feeder!"
"Fine! Ignore me! I will say to keep your eyes on the goal. We need to get out of here ASAP."
I huffed as I got back to shit-shoveling. I'm not jealous! Leo's a... good actor... a dedicated actor... who kissed Xander without looking disgusted... No! I trust Leo to perform the shell our him.
Playing as a side character sucks!