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It was lovely to have David home for a change. Sarah told herself that, hugging him, feeling how perfunctory it was. Not the way Nick hugged her at all. But this was Nick's home. David had spent a number of holidays at his father's, instead, and came here largely because it was convenient, or because Stephane was too busy for him to come, rather than because he missed them. Or, at least, that was always how it felt.
But naturally, any sense of togetherness didn't last. It couldn't. David, as usual, had to prove his superiority over his brother. It was all part and parcel, Sarah felt. The way David couldn't help but snoop in Nick's room, the way he had waited until Nick was out of the room to confront Charlie. Almost from birth, David had seen Nick as competition.
Perhaps that was understandable. Sarah and Stephane had gotten used to having one child; their family life had worked with one. Then the second came along, and with it the sleepless nights and the loss of free time and the constant calls on their attention. Sarah had thrived on it the second time more than the first—she'd known what she was doing the second time, and little red-headed Nicky had snuggled right into her heart.
Stephane, who had been reluctant about the second child from the moment they found out Sarah was pregnant, was not charmed by the new baby. He played with David while Sarah tended to Nick.
And when the divorce came, years later, David blamed Nick. Oh, he never said so. He knew better. But he did, all the same.
Sarah hadn't asked why her eldest son was stuck spending his summer holidays at her house. Usually he went to Paris and came home only for a week or two. She suspected something had gone wrong between him and Stephane, which would explain his absolutely foul mood.
But that did not give him an excuse to attack his brother. Or to be homophobic, at all.
"You've got no right to go into his room. Or mine. You know that. No one barges into your room or snoops into your things. The rest of us deserve the same respect!"
"I was only—"
"I know what you were only, and it stops now. If you can't be civil to the guests your brother and I bring into this house, you can return to university or go stay with your father. When you are in my house, you follow my rules."
"Mum—"
"Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" she demanded.
"I—" He looked as though he wanted to continue arguing, but then he thought better of it. "Fine."
"And you'll apologise to your brother." When he opened his mouth, she glared at him. "You will. Or else."
"Fine," David snapped again.
Nick came to the kitchen door. "That was so unnecessary."
"I'm sorry, all right? I'm so sorry I hurt your little friend's feelings."
"Charlie is my boyfriend. And that's not going to change, so whatever your problem is, get over it." Nick was near exhaustion, Sarah knew. The GCSEs were hard for him in general, and maths had gone very poorly today. Or, at least, he thought so. He had a tendency to think he did worse on exams than he actually did because he hated them so much.
"Whatever." David pushed past Nick and left the kitchen.
Sarah looked at her youngest son. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry I thought you told him. I should have known you wouldn't."
"I didn't know he'd been snooping round your room, or I'd have told him off about it before now."
Nick came to her, putting his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. "I wish he'd gone to Dad's."
So did Sarah, but she tried not to say so. "It might be a good chance for the two of you to get to know each other better."
He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Because that went so well just now."
She remembered how she had felt when she put baby Nick on his brother's lap for the first time—the two of them would be friends for each other, they could tell each other things, they could always count on one another. But it hadn't been like that, not from the first. "I know. I always think this time things will be different."
"Well … maybe they will, someday." She didn't think he really believed that. He was just saying it to make her feel better.
Sarah pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry Charlie had to see that. Is he all right?"
"I think so."
"Are you all right?"
Nick shrugged uncomfortably. "I suppose. I'm just so tired. And today was only the first exam. And Charlie hasn't done any of his coursework, so we still can't see each other. He won't be able to keep sneaking over here forever."
Sarah was of two minds as to whether to let him anyway. On the one hand, she thought she should probably respect Charlie's parents' rules. On the other hand, she'd seen the two boys together more than anyone else at this point, or so she believed, and she was well aware how good they were for each other. If she had known Charlie's parents better—or at all—she'd have called them up and told them so. But it never did to tell other people how to manage their children, especially when you wanted to help your son make a good impression on his boyfriend's parents. "If there's anything I can do, Nicky …"
"I know, Mum. Thanks." He gave her a final squeeze. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."
"All right. Sweet dreams, sweetheart."
He tried for a smile, but didn't quite get there.
And Sarah was left alone in the kitchen, with one son sulking upstairs because he wasn't allowed to have everything his own way, and one wearied to the bone because at the moment, nothing was going his way.
Sometimes, parenting was exhausting.
