Chapter 8

He had intended to stay put until he heard back from Remus, but of course that was impossible for Sirius. And no one could scold him for moving around while on the run, right? It's not like he was flying back to Europe, he was just changing one beach for another. Moving himself to a place where he could understand the language and, hopefully, put his hands on a Daily Prophet.

It was a good thing that Buckbeak had a good sense of direction. Even without having ever been in this side of the world (or so Sirius assumed), the creature seemed to know exactly where to find land. And —Sirius wasn't sure if it was a coincidence of some magical talent of the hippogriff— the first island they found turned out to be one where they spoke English.

Barbados, he learned that night after he had left Buckbeak hidden in the jungle and went for a stroll in his dog form. Unfortunately, he had no idea if there was a magical community in that island, and he didn't find any sign of magic, but at least he had opportunity to take a look at a map of the Caribbean and decide his next stop.

By the time he had reached what he thought might be the British Virgin Islands, Hedwig had managed to catch up with him. She looked really cross, which probably had something to do with the fact that Sirius had been moving around constantly for the last week and therefore he must have forced her to change direction multiple times in mid-flight.

She seemed to forgive him when he explained her that he had been worried about Harry, though, which only improved his already high opinion of the owl. He also appreciated that she stayed with him while he read Remus' letter, nibbling at his hand every few seconds as if to make sure he didn't go into instant shock.

Dear Padfoot,

Harry is fine. Dumbledore cast some serious blood wards around Petunia's house, so he's safe while he's there. I've checked just in case. I also talked to Dumbledore, he didn't know about Harry's scar ever hurting, but he didn't seem too surprized. Apparently there is some weird connection between Voldemort and Harry. Dumbledore assumes the scar must have hurt three years ago when Voldemort was in Hogwarts possessing a DADA teacher named Quirinus Quirrell (Harry ended up saving the Philosopher's Stone from being stolen and burning Quirrell to ashes with his bare hands, or so Dumbledore tells me). Not that it's directly related (although the scar might have hurt then too), but in his second year Harry found the legendary Chamber of Secrets, killed a basilisk that was petrifying students and destroyed a memory of a young Voldemort preventing him from returning to a full fleshed body (Harry is a Parselmouth, by the way). I assure you that when I heard all that I almost had a heart attack. It seems that our adventures as Marauders had nothing next to those of Harry and his friends. It has to be said that unlike us they always seem to get in trouble saving people, though. Harry has a bit of a saviour complex.

So yes, apparently Voldemort is trying to come back. In fact, Dumbledore thinks that he might be able to return with the help of Peter. He doesn't think Harry's scar hurting necessarily indicates proximity, but even if it did, he's safe within the blood wards and he will be safe at Hogwarts.

I know you must be panicking, but don't. It is not necessary for you to come back yet, the best you can do now is to stay away, getting your strength and your mind back in a sunny beach. I'm serious, Sirius, DON'T COME BACK. You will be doing no one a favour by getting caught by Dementors, and it would break my heart (and probably Harry's too), so don't even think about it. We want you safe and well.

Don't worry about the loss of my job. It was my fault for forgetting my potion that night. I didn't have much hope of it being a long term job, anyway, since it is suspected that the position is cursed. I only accepted Dumbledore's offer because I knew you were on the loose and wanted to be close to Harry just in case you tried to murder him.

You don't have to keep apologizing for mistrusting me, but I forgive you again if it helps. And I ask your forgiveness once more, for having doubted you. On some level, however, I never managed to truly believe you had betrayed us, which was why the last thirteen years were a confused hell for me.

Discovering your innocence actually unblocked something inside me, and as a result only a few weeks ago I managed to cast a corporeal Patronus for the first time since you were locked up. I expected a werewolf, but it turned out to be a harmless jack rabbit (no idea why).

Stay safe and enjoy the sun.

Love,

Moony.

PS. I will be out of reach for a while, so don't try to contact me. Write to Dumbledore if you need anything, and maybe suggest Harry to tell Dumbledore too if his scar hurts again.

Sirius had to make a monumental effort not to turn into a dog in mid-letter. He had thought that he would relax at once when he read that Harry was safe, but he was properly freaking out by the end of the second paragraph, and he was riding a full fleshed panic attack when he finished reading the entire thing.

Harry ended up saving the Philosopher's Stone from being stolen...

What the hell had a Philosopher's Stone been doing at Hogwarts?

...and burning Quirrell to ashes with his bare hands...

Had Harry killed someone?

Harry found the legendary Chamber of Secrets, killed a basilisk that was petrifying students and destroyed a memory of a young Voldemort preventing him from returning to a full fleshed body...

...

Harry is a Parselmouth...

WHAT?

Damn right he was panicking! How could Remus expect Sirius not to go back at once after this letter? Even if he had not received confirmation that Voldemort was about to return (with Peter's help! He knew he should have killed the treacherous rat!), it was now obvious that Harry was not safe. Apparently having a mass murderer supposedly after him had constituted a tame year for the kid. Hell, he had only been almost killed by a werewolf, nothing serious like Voldemort or a basilisk!

The only tiny bit of good news —aside from Harry still being alive— was the one about Remus' Patronus. Although it was also sad. Had Remus truly been unable to produce a Patronus in all those years? Sirius' imprisonment and James' death must have really screwed him up.

A jack rabbit...

Despite his panic and anxiety, Sirius laughed. He felt guilty for doing so, but he figured it could not make things much worse if he allowed himself to lighten up for five minutes.

A werewolf with a jack rabbit's Patronus... Hilarious!

He sobered up when the meaning of Remus' postscript finally registered.

I will be out of reach for a while, so don't try to contact me.

Given the circumstances, Sirius could only think of one reason why Remus might be out of reach. Dumbledore must have sent him undercover with the werewolves again! And Sirius was supposed to stay safely away enjoying the sun while that happened? Hell no!

I'm serious, Sirius, DON'T COME BACK. You will be doing no one a favour by getting caught by Dementors, and it would break my heart (and probably Harry's too), so don't even think about it.

Damn!

Sirius didn't know what to do.

He wanted to go back so badly! He really should, if the situation was so serious as for Dumbledore to send Remus undercover. Harry might be safe now under the blood wards, but he would soon be back at Hogwarts. And it didn't sound as if Hogwarts was such a safe place for him... But maybe Remus was right. What could Sirius do in Britain besides getting caught? He was a fugitive. The Dementors had permission to Kiss him on sight. And if Peter had ran to Voldemort, his Animagus form might not be so safe anymore.

It was also an issue that Sirius wasn't capable of producing a Patronus anymore. Not even silver mist, nothing. He was definitely screwed up beyond repair.

He twirled James' wand between his fingers. He was still not sure whether to feel grateful or angry at Dumbledore for having sent him this particular wand. Depending on the day, having his dead best friend's wand in his hand filled him with warmth and strength or threw him over the edge into an abysm of despair and guilt. It also didn't work very well for him, but he supposed that would be true of any wand that had not chosen him.

He wondered if James would be pissed if he knew that Sirius was using his wand. It was almost like an insult. "Look, I got you and Lily killed and now I've stolen your wand! Oh, yeah, and I left your son to be raised by Muggles and face basilisks on his own. Such a good friend I am!"

It was awful to have James' wand, but also comforting. James had always had his back, and in a way he felt as if he still lived inside the wand, fiercely guarding his best friend.

Without much hope, Sirius raised the wand and focused on his happy memories of James.

"Expecto patronum!" he yelled.

Nothing happened.

Of course not. All his happy thoughts had been eaten away in Azkaban. He still remembered everything, but they no longer were happy memories. Not really. Perhaps if he used a more recent memory?

He had two happy memories from after Azkaban. One was Remus' hug when he had believed Sirius' innocence. The other one was Harry agreeing to go live with him.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" he roared.

This time at least he managed to produce silver mist, but nothing more. And he knew it was pointless to keep trying, he could feel something blocking him inside his heart. It was probably all the guilt he felt associated to Harry and Remus. He didn't deserve that happiness.

He gave up with a sigh, and soon he was in his dog form again. More bearable.

Sometimes he wished to stay as a dog forever. To just go into the wild and never come back. It wasn't much of a life, but it was less painful than his human existence. It felt less lonely.

He didn't stop running all that night. Hedwig was probably going to be cross again when he got back, since she obviously was looking forward to finally be sent back to her owner, but Sirius just couldn't handle anything now. He didn't even care that he was losing his sense of direction and might not be able to find Buckbeak again. The hippogriff would probably be better off without him, anyway. Sirius was really lousy company.

It was morning when he reached the other side of whatever island he was in. Then he changed course and kept running until he found a human settlement. By then he was exhausted and thirsty, so he stopped to drink from a pond. He was about to lay down for a nap under some bushes when someone spotted him.

"Look Mum, it's a Grim!" yelled a boy, sounding more excited than afraid.

Sirius looked up in surprize. Muggles only saw a huge, possibly dangerous dog in Sirius. Grims were magical death omens...

The boy who had yelled looked about eight years old, while the mother was a middle age woman with brown hair and a current frown of suspicion on her face. They both were ridiculously dressed, the way that wizarding people often did when trying to pass as Muggles.

"It's just a dog, Artie," said the mother. "Stay away from it. That beast could chew off half your arm, and we have ran out of Skele-Gro."

The woman dragged off the boy, who was still looking over his shoulder at Sirius. He waved his tail at him to show him he was in fact just a dog, not a death omen to hunt his nightmares. Wizards and witches tended to go insane when they thought they were being chased by a Grim, often dying in stupid ways as a consequence of their paranoia.

Sirius gave them a head start and then took off after them. He had randomly ran into magical people, how lucky was that? There must be at least one wizarding home around, maybe even a pub...

When he finally found what he had been looking for over a week, he half-wished never to have left his Brazilian beach. He ran back to the dark jungle carrying a Daily Prophet with an extremely worrying front page title in his mouth.

"SCENES OF TERROR AT THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP", it said, accompanied by a twinkling black-and-white photograph of the Dark Mark.

Sirius changed to his human form as soon as he thought it was safe to do so, cast a few wards around him and skimmed through the article with increasing anxiety. "Ministry blunders... culprits not apprehended... lax security... Dark wizards running unchecked... national disgrace... A Ministry official emerged some time after the appearance of the Dark Mark alleging that nobody had been hurt, but refusing to give any more information. Wherever this statement will be enough to quash the rumours that several bodies were removed from the woods an hour later remains to be seen."

It sounded mostly like a reporter trying to cause trouble to the Ministry, but it seemed undeniable that the Dark Mark had appeared in the sky in Britain not so long ago. Free Death Eaters had also made an appearance, which was highly concerning.

Perusing the rest of the newspaper while holding his lightened wand between his teeth he found another interesting and suspicious article, titled "ALBUS DUMBLEDORE HIRES PARANOID EX-AUROR "MAD-EYED" MOODY AS HOGWARTS DADA TEACHER."

He had just finished reading the article when three different flying creatures landed next to him. One was Buckbeak. The other Hedwig. And the third an unfamiliar owl with a letter tied to her leg.

It was from Dumbledore.

Dear Sirius,

Please let me reassure you that Harry is safe, and that it is not necessary for you to come back.

Enjoy the sun.

Sincerely yours,

Albus Dumbledore

Sirius stared at the brief letter in disbelief. That was it? Enjoy the sun? Granted, Dumbledore might have sent this letter before the incident with the Dark Mark, but still. He didn't have anything else to tell him? No explanations about Harry's scar? Nothing about sending Remus undercover?

Clearly there was a lot going on, probably much more than Sirius could even begin to suspect, and Dumbledore wasn't sharing any of that with him.

Sirius' anxiety reached its limit.

He answered Dumbledore's letter first, seeing that the owl looked eager to depart.

Dumbledore,

Screw the sun. I'm flying back.

You better make sure Remus is safe too, else I will be cross.

Padfoot.

He then turned to Hedwig.

"All right, I think it's about time you go back to Harry."