She stands on the city's high walls. No one knows she is there, at least, she hopes that no one is. The sun is just beginning to pique over the wall's edges. It is a beautiful sight—bright and brilliant in all of its splendor. For a moment, she feels at peace. Then, she looks down. The fall is dizzying and sparks a tinge of fear within her chest.
Ironic.
Despite her occupation of slaying monsters in the dungeon and mapping out its sinister structure, she still is afraid of heights. She has slain enough monsters that she's become a second-class adventurer, level three. But that isn't enough to stifle her fear. She knows that the fall would very well kill her. She hopes for it.
She hoists herself up on the edge of the wall. She stays crouched, keeping her center of gravity low as her hands cling to the wall, holding herself in place. There is doubt still within her. But then she remembers. The cold faces of her friends, frozen in time, twisted into expressions of pain and horror. At least, that is what she saw on the ones who still had faces.
Too much. The memories of her fallen friends were too much. Her familia's conflict with Evilus had taken far too great a toll on her mind. She was already friendly to anyone and everyone she met. But now, her personality seemed to be a double-edged sword.
Don't let them get too close, don't let them get too close—! But they were a part of her familia, her family. It was paradoxical. It was cruel.
She tried to stave it off, she really did. Alcoholism always seemed to numb the pain. She had spent too much Valis than what she'd care to openly divulge, but it helped for a time. She would get drunk with all sorts of concoctions the bartender would make for her. She could handle the toxicity of the alcohol, thanks to her level three status. She would get drunk. But then she would get sober, and she would remember. It was vicious. It was cruel. And she wanted an end to it. She stands up and—
"Oh," a voice calls from behind her.
Startled, she spins around. It was a man. He had messy black bangs that dangled over his rose-color eyes while the rest of his hair was snow white. Deep, dark bags hung under his eyelids. He wore a matching white long-sleeve shirt and pants that were too big and baggy for his scrawny physique. The sleeves of his shirt were a few inches too long and flopped loosely about. He wore no covers on his feet, yet they had no visible cuts or blisters. His attire faintly resembled that of criminals or prisoners.
He mustered a tired smile to her. "Is this spot taken?" he asked politely, albeit with a hint of disappointment.
"What…?" she uttered out.
The man sighed. "Alright. I'll wait for my turn then."
She stared completely dumbfounded as he sat on the wall, leaned back with his legs crisscrossed, waiting.
"Are—are you making fun of me?!" she bawled through clenched teeth.
"What? Oh no. I would never Lulune."
She felt her heart seize and her breath stiffen. Many people recognized who she was, and she was friendly to anyone and everyone she met. But she was certain she had never met this man.
"How do you know my name…?" she asked, her voice suddenly becoming meek.
The man smiled. "I know many names. I get around quite a bit."
A pregnant silence begins to fill the air. Before she realizes it, Lulune has fallen back to her previous crouched position on the wall.
"Not gonna jump then?" he asked.
Lulune doesn't know how to respond. She wanted to, she was so sure a moment ago. But his presence made it nigh impossible for her to jump anymore. She wanted to be alone. What she was going to do was a private affair. That was one of the reasons why she chose the high wall. She was so certain that no one would come up and find her.
"Hm," the man sighed. "Though, if you are going to jump, just know that they wouldn't like that."
"What?"
She found herself asking that question too much for her liking.
"Eilly, Pock, Pot, and Keaks. They wouldn't want you to jump."
Lulune found herself shaking uncontrollably. Had the crenelation of the wall been any thinner, she surely would have fallen off.
"How—how do you know those names…?"
"I told you, I get around a lot."
Her eyes began to widen as an idea sprouted in her mind. As it fully manifested itself, she let out a sharp gasp.
"You—don't tell me—are you the G… G… Grim Reaper?"
The man held her frightful gaze for a few moments before he let out a long, deep sigh.
"Every time, this happens every single time. No, I'm not the Grim Reaper, I'm certainly not death itself. I'm Cain."
The name meant nothing to Lulune. His name didn't explain how he knew the names of her fallen friends.
"I know that look," he said with a casual shrug. "I'm not death, I show up after it has done its deed."
Lulune's eyes shot wide open again. She began to scour around herself, looking in all directions. Was this the afterlife? She couldn't be dead, she didn't take the plunge, she was going to, but she hadn't—!
Cain smiled softly at her. "Oh don't worry. You're still alive."
Her hand fell onto her chest. To her relief, she could feel the frantic thumpings of her heart against her chest. She was alive, she was alive. But soon, her relief turned to a sour disappointment. She was still alive.
"Unless," Cain continued, though he gave a thoughtful pause to his words. "You choose not to be, of course."
Cain stood up and began to approach her. He stopped a few feet away from her.
"Hmm, I guess for lack of a better term, you could say that I'm the 'afterlife condition'."
He made his way beside her. Hoisting himself on the wall, he sat on the merlon to the right of her. His bare feet dangled playfully over the edge as if tempting any sort of sinister force that might grab them and pull him to his death.
"Or I guess you would better know me by a different name." He looked to Lulune as he flashed a mellow smile. "I'm Guilt."
"What?"
For a moment, she remains still, letting his words soak into her mind. She relaxes and lets her head fall. She stares at the few inches of footing she is on.
"Heh, I guess it all makes sense now—why you're here." Her voice was pathetic. Then suddenly, she burst out into laughter.
"Heh. Hehehe. Hahahahahaha!"
The laughs started out as snickers before they erupted into maddening cackles. After a moment, Lulune whipped a tear from her eye as her stomach began to calm down.
"Look at me. I'm on a wall over twenty-two thousand celches in the air, and sitting next to me is 'Guilt'. What would people say if they saw me now?"
"Not sure. Though in my experience, it tends to be 'Don't jump! You have so much to live for!'"
Lulune chuckled at that.
The two sat in silence for a few moments before Lulune broke it.
"Wait. What did you mean when you said you were a condition? And, why do you show up after people die?"
"Hm? Oh, that." Cain leaned back and looked up at the sky. "It's because you ultimately choose where you're going."
What? Lulune could only give a blank stare at Cain.
There was Heaven and Hell, that much was certain. Their names changed depending on religion and belief, yet in each one, they retained the same fundamental explanation for the morbidly curious. Souls after parting with their flesh would either wound up in a place for reward or a place for punishment. Some faiths even had a middle ground for those who were deserving of neither. The gods, having been given the duty of judging their mortal children, would decide where a soul would go, where they belonged, where they were meant to be.
"Ah, there's that look again," Cain gave a shrug as he pulled himself up. He stood on top of the merlon itself. Stretching his arms out, he gracefully spun around in place before plopping himself back down.
"You humans always love to blame other things. You always have these little scapegoats you hide behind whenever you're afraid."
Lulune continued to stare, not daring to interrupt him.
"You especially love blaming gods. It's kinda funny that way. You live amongst them so casually, and you express your love and devotion for each other so openly, and yet, you blame them for so much." Cain frowned as he took a deep breath and sighed.
"You blame them for all your little failings. 'Anasi made me do it! Eris made me! I couldn't help it, Veles took hold of my body!' It's ridiculous. They're not sitting on your shoulders, making you do things you otherwise wouldn't do. They don't make you sin or transgress against anyone or anything for you. You live your own lives. They do not live your lives for you. That's perhaps one of the oldest lies the universe has fed you."
Cain looked down at his feet, dangling so precariously over the edge.
"You hate owning up to the mistakes you yourselves make. And then, you die. And I show up. And all those little lies you had in your head, all those little shieldings, and scapegoats all come crashing down. You look at me, and you think of your lives and from there, you make your choice."
Cain paused and turned to Lulune. He chuckled at how she stared at him in complete and utter awe.
"I come and everything you have done is laid bare. It could be the smallest things like stealing candy as a toddler, to more grievous crimes like fratricide. Either way, you look at it all and you decide, Heaven or Hell, reward or punishment."
Lulune, having finally managed to find the courage to speak, opened her mouth.
"But… but why?"
"Isn't it obvious? Because you think you deserve either one."
Cain hopped off the merlon and onto the wall. Admittedly, he was beginning to feel sore from having to sit on something so hard. He smiled at Lulune.
"There's always a little voice in the back of your mind wanting, wishing, yearning for your punishment. It varies in volume from person to person, but it is always there. It's me, I'm that voice. I'm the voice that seeks retribution and judgment and balance."
Deserving? Reward? Punishment? So many questions filled Lulune's head. It felt like it wanted to explode from the sheer amount of information it was attempting to soak in. It was too much. It was too much! Exasperated, she cried out to Cain.
"Then—then why are you here before I'm dead, why are you even telling me any of this?! Other people are dying all over the place and you're just here talking to me?!"
Cain let out a gentle exhale as he slowly opened his rose eyes to meet her brown eyes. They were so soft, so serene.
"I suppose it's because I felt like it. Because I wanted somebody to know."
His words were simple and truthful. They bore no alternative motive, nor ill intent. They simply were.
"And I wouldn't worry about other people. I'm there. I'm with a level two elven woman who just died from blood loss on the twentieth floor. I'm with an alderman who passed on his bed from cancer in a village a few miles from here. I'm on a distant planet, meeting with an entire species, synthetic beings who had the misfortune of having been created on a planet with an unstable core."
Cain began to walk slowly towards the entrance of the wall's stairwell.
"I'm there, asking them all the same question. You choose: what do you deserve?"
Cain stopped directly in front of the entrance. He felt Lulune's gaze on his slouched back. He turned to meet it.
"There is always a choice, Lulune. You could choose to jump, or you could choose not to. The choice is yours, not the gods'. It's always been yours."
Lulune looked to her left. Then she looked to her right. There was the fall. And there was solid ground. She looked to Cain, silent tears spilling from her eyes.
"Will… will I see you again?"
"That depends. Are you going to jump or not?"
He expected no verbal answer from her as he turned and made his way down three steps before stopping.
"Oh! But if you do jump and I meet you, tell me how it is. A fall from this height might do the trick for me."
He gave one last wave to her as he continued his descent. Lulune stared at him until he disappeared entirely from view. She looked to her left. She looked to her right. There was the fall. And there was solid ground. Should she jump still? She wanted to, she was so sure a moment ago. But his words made it nigh impossible for her to jump anymore.
.
.
.
"Hmm. Alright, guess I'd better go see her."
Cain stopped halfway down the stairs. He turned to his left and faced the spiraling wall. Outstretching his finger from his shirt's baggy sleeve, he gently poked the wall. It rippled at his touch. Slowly, he began to sink himself into the wall. Hand, wrist, arm, shoulder. Gradually, his limbs began to warp and disappear into the stone until finally, he pushed his head through.
"You're late."
A strict, feminine voice chastised him as he pulled the rest of himself through. He found himself in a gallery, of sorts. Mirrors, varying in size and shape, luster and shine, aligned the walls—a hallway of glass and reflection. Standing in the hall was a woman. She had pale skin and cherry-colored eyes. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail and was split down the middle into two shades. Her left side was black, while her right was white. She pursed her lips impatiently at Cain.
"I'm not that late," Cain retorted.
"Uh huh, and where were you?"
Cain averted his eyes. "I was just looking for a new way to commit suicide."
She could sense that there was more than he was letting on, but she decided that his answer was sufficient enough. She turned to look at one of the many mirrors adorned on the wall. She smiled at the sight of a man sitting on his bed.
He was an older man with hints of gray hairs streak along his scalp. He wore thick circular glasses. Beneath them, his blue eyes darted all around him before he reached underneath his bed, and pulled out a small wooden chest. He quietly popped open, revealing a small collection of magic gems. He plucked one out and peered into its many facets. Inside, the light was caught in the many sides of the gem, forming a rather unseemly image. Inside, he could see images of small, naked children. So furtive, so vulnerable. But just as he began to feel himself grow excited, he heard a noise. Quickly, he stuffed the crystal back into the chest and slid it back under his bed. Sweat began welling on his forehead as he stifled any noise he could make.
He was being watched. Someone was there—!
So paranoid. So irrationally, irreparably paranoid. How wonderful!
"Hmm," she hummed lowly. "I wonder when you'll be seeing this one."
"Whenever it's his time," Cain shrugged.
"Well, I can imagine what his answer will be."
"Yup."
Content with the sight she bore witness to, she turned to face Cain.
"You already know it's begun, don't you?"
Cain grimaced at the thought. The great calamity, the last war, the final purge, the universe's scorn. So many would die, so many would suffer. But not him.
"Yes," he answered. "I appeared before Abel not too long ago. Or rather, I appeared before Madness…"
His voice was quiet and strained. The mere memory of appearing before the ashen remains of his brother sent a shiver down his spine. He felt his arms instinctively move to rub against each other, a pitiful offer of comfort.
"I took him and guided him to where he needed to go…"
The woman closed her eyes, not wanting to see Cain's face. However, in doing so, her imagination was empowered, and an image of Madness burning alive sparked in her mind.
"Why does it happen to everyone but me?" Cain muttered.
She laughed at that. It was dark and hollow, but it gave her a modicum of comfort.
"Because, it's who you are. And who knows, maybe when it is all done you will appear before yourself, and guide yourself through the veil that awaits you."
A somber silence hung over the two as their eyes grew dulled and distant.
"Eve," Cain quietly spoke. "Does he know?"
She frowned. Before she could answer, Cain interrupted.
"Nevermind. I guess he'll find out soon enough."
Cain sighed as he stared into a mirror. He peered into it, seeing a white-haired boy clad in armor slicing through monsters with an onyx black knife.
"Poor Abel..."