There will be TWO chapters this week - one now, and one on/around Wednesday. Happy Holidays :)
Kaede spent the following week trying not to think too hard about the upcoming hanami. She studied, attempted to practice some Kido (with varying results, as always), took advantage of the empty dojo yards to work on her swordplay - but questions kept creeping into her mind.
What would it be like? Sousuke was confident that she wouldn't be noticed or recognized, but….what if someone did? Would people in the Rukongai know about her involvement in the Catastrophe? Would they hate her? Fear her?
How big would the crowds be? Her stomach filled with butterflies every time she thought about it. Would her seals hold up? What if, what if…
As the day drew closer, she wondered if it would be worth all this anxiety. She could barely sleep, plagued by nightmares. Some were horrific scenes of death and destruction, with the worst ones forcing her to watch Sousuke himself disintegrate before her eyes. Others were far more mundane, even silly, like the one where she found herself inexplicably naked in the middle of the crowd.
The day before the hanami, she was ready to find Sousuke and tell him to forget the whole thing. It was too risky, it was silly, it wasn't worth whatever effort he planned to put forth. However, she had no way of finding him - since graduating, he'd moved out of the Academy barracks and into those of Division Five.
She'd just have to go through with it.
Kaede trained extra hard with her bokken that day, trying to let the physical exertion drown out her anxiety. It would be so much easier if she had someone to spar with, someone else to focus on. As it was, she worked herself into a heavy sweat, only returning to her dorm when her arms refused to lift the bokken past her shoulders.
The barracks were silent. Everyone else had left campus, save for a few instructors tasked with keeping tabs on the grounds, so when Kaede entered her room and saw an unfamiliar box set near her bedroll, she knew exactly who it was from.
The box was large, far too big for mochi or a book. Kaede remembered how Sousuke said he'd take care of her lack-of-kimono problem, but…no, he couldn't have actually…
She lifted the box's cover, and her lungs emptied. He did. Inside, folded and pressed, was a kimono.
Kaede picked it up just enough to lift the collar and shoulders out of the box while leaving the rest folded neatly underneath, gently rubbing the fabric between her fingers. The material was more finely woven than anything she'd ever worn, lightweight yet substantial. And the color…it was a rich maroon that seemed made for her light bronze skin and deep burgundy hair.
Kaede bit her lip and glanced around the empty room, as though someone might be watching. She wanted to try it on…should she? Or should she wait until tomorrow, the actual day of the festival? Maybe she should bathe first - but then she'd have to leave the garment in here, unguarded.
Carefully, she lay the kimono back in its box, replaced the lid, and slid it under her rolled-up futon. It wasn't a stellar hiding place, but it was less noticeable this way.
The box lay undisturbed when she returned with her hair washed and skin freshly scrubbed. She took extra care to pin her damp locks up so they wouldn't drip onto the fabric. Once she was certain that she was completely dry, she laid her bedroll onto the floor to use like a table, opened the box and brought out the full garment.
It was even more beautiful than she'd first assumed. Along the maroon base swirled gold-threaded vines, from which sprung coral and cream-colored camellias and chrysanthemums. The design was intricate yet tasteful, drawing her eyes from the more dense clustering near the bottom hem up to the trails of flowers along the sleeves. The collar area was left mostly unadorned, letting the rich hue of the silk shine.
The beauty of it took her breath away - as did the idea that this was going on her body.
How did he find something like this? How did he afford it? She almost didn't want to know, for once eager to indulge in what increasingly felt like a real-life fairytale.
Then she looked back in the box and realized there was more to unpack. Kaede figured there'd be an obi of some sort, maybe a plain juban to wear underneath the kimono itself - but to her dismay, she pulled out more and more pieces that confounded her. Aside from the obi (a stiffer brocade of gold, silver, and black), there were other, slimmer strips of fabric, as well as clips, what looked like some sort of apron, another sash, and…was that a pillow?
How the hell was she supposed to wear this thing?!
Kaede chewed on her thumbnail and glanced around the room. Don't panic, she told herself. It's just clothes. How hard could this be? Girls wore this stuff all the time, and it wasn't like she didn't know what any of the parts were. She'd figured out how to calibrate her trickle of reiatsu to perform simple Kido; she could figure this out.
She lifted each item from the box, carefully placing them on her bedroll and trying to guess their functions. Then, once all the pieces were laid out, she noticed a folded piece of paper at the bottom of the box, next to a pair of tabi socks. A note?
There was a note, though it was a mere scrap of paper pinned to a much more formal looking page.
Thought you might need this.
Kaede was caught between relief and annoyance when she looked over the larger page. It was a printed set of instructions, complete with simple diagrams showing how to properly put on the kimono. Laughter bubbled up in her stomach.
You think of everything, don't you, Sousuke?
Well, there was no way she was getting out of this festival now.
Sousuke had instructed her to meet him early in the afternoon near the Academy's east entrance. Kaede approached the rendez-vous point with slow, careful steps, still unused to how restrictive the kimono felt. How did people move in these things? It wasn't tight, per se, but she sorely missed her uniform's hakama trousers. Even the simple robes worn by Nest inmates allowed more freedom of movement, though they sacrificed some modesty for it. Well, at least her posture was greatly improved; the obi forced her to keep her spine straight and tall.
She clasped her hands in front of her the way she'd seen other girls do, mostly to keep herself from fidgeting or touching her hair. Her hair had grown long past her shoulder blades over the last three years; she'd tied it back in a simple, low bun, an easy enough style to manage that she thought looked all right. No makeup - she didn't have any, nor would she know how to apply it if she did. Besides, she assured herself, Sousuke knew what she looked like.
That didn't stop the butterflies from invading her stomach - and the winged creatures only fluttered more madly when she spied Sousuke.
He hadn't changed his hair or discarded his glasses, but his forest-green kimono and dark bronze haori transformed him all the same. He seemed more relaxed, his collar loosened to expose the top of his chest, his thin obi tied low on his hips. The earthy hues complemented his natural coloring far more than the stiff, white-and-navy uniform ever had, bringing out the strands of gold in his hair and the flecks of hazel in his eyes.
"So…" Kaede finally gave into the urge to touch her hair. "Did I get this right?" She waved her hands over the kimono.
Sousuke had watched her approach with parted lips and an unreadable expression. Now, those lips curled up into a small, oddly genuine smile. "It suits you. You look lovely."
Kaede blushed, biting her lip. "Thanks…and thanks for this, by the way. How did you…?"
His smile turned mischievous. "Do you really want to know?"
"No," she replied with a shake of her head. "Guess not. I mean, if it was blood money or blackmail or whatever, I'm probably better off not knowing. Plausible deniability and all."
He turned toward the entrance gate. "Shall we, Sorano-san?"
Kaede straightened primly and shuffled to his side. "Let's, Aizen-kun."
"I prefer when you call me 'Sousuke.'"
"Well, you're my superior now, not just my senpai, so shouldn't I be a little more formal?"
She felt his hand come to her back, just below her obi's knot. It was a light touch, nothing that could be considered truly "improper" in polite company, but it set every nerve in her body alight for how intimate it felt.
"I'd rather you weren't," he said, his voice low and sliding into her ear like silk across her skin. "Now…let's go to your first festival."
It didn't matter how many times she left the Academy grounds with Sousuke; every time, Kaede had to remind herself to not hold her breath. Even so, sneaking through the Senkaimon into the Human World never felt quite so monumental as when she stepped over the threshold between the Seireitei and the Rukongai.
She'd never been to the Rukongai - not since the Catastrophe, which she barely remembered. She'd seen bits of it from a distance sometimes when Urahara escorted her to a check-up, and Hiyori had told her stories of her own district. She'd even formed a picture in her head based on things she'd read, a landscape of houses, shops, even stalls and rickshaws.
Those things were all there, but she'd never imagined so many people. The streets teemed with bodies, the air filled with more sounds than she could parse out. Her heart pounded, eyes darting around. Her first instinct was to identify escape routes and possible threats, but there was too much to take in!
"Are you all right?" Sousuke asked. He'd stopped with her, staying at her side.
With a start, Kaede realized that she was clutching his arm, fingers digging into the sleeve of his bronze haori. She forced her hand to relax but kept it on his arm, grateful for the steadying contact.
"Yeah," she nodded, though her mouth felt like a desert.
"You're fine," he assured her. "You're safe…and so are they."
He nodded to the people around them, all of them smiling, laughing, completely absorbed in their own lives and worlds. Children ran from booth to booth, pinwheels spinning on sticks in their hands; an elderly couple walked arm-in-arm, smiling and nodding to the various vendors.
It was an idyllic scene, but as Kaede looked around, it all started to crumble before her eyes. For a split second, everything around her - the people, the stands, even the few trees - fell apart, disintegrating into nothing. In her mind, she heard the laughter turn to screams of confusion and horror, followed by deafening silence as it all disappeared. She shut her eyes and willed the nightmarish image away. It was fine. She was fine, there was no pressure building in her core, and the seals were intact.
"If you'd prefer to go back," Sousuke began, but Kaede shook her head.
"No, it's fine, I just…need a minute."
He guided her to a bench and sat with her while she focused on her breathing. Kaede wasn't sure whether to keep her eyes open or shut - it didn't seem to matter, she still saw visions of everything around her being destroyed. Dammit, this was not how she wanted to start this off! Sousuke had done so much already just to bring her to this festival, and what did she do? She was having a nervous breakdown!
"What can I do?" he asked, taking her hand.
"Turn off my brain?" she replied shakily, screwing her eyes shut to try and stop the sudden flood of tears. "I'm sorry-"
"You have nothing to apologize for. Just breathe."
She tried. "Maybe…tell me about the festival? What do people do, you know, when they're not…" She vaguely gestured to herself.
"Let's see…" She felt him shift at her side. "This is the vendor area. People will come here first to purchase food and drink, if they haven't brought their own. I'm afraid I'm not much of a chef, so we'll be buying our meal."
Yet another thing he'd planned for, and she was barely holding herself together.
"There are some vendors selling other items as well. Kites, parasols, young koi fish - though I think that stand is trying to pass off common goldfish as koi," he added, his voice closer to her ear. She cracked a smile. "Not far from here is a sakura grove. That's where most people will be right now, sitting below the trees with a picnic."
Kaede latched onto his voice, its low pitch and resonant timbre soothing to her ears. "What kind of food do they have?"
"Sakura mochi, hanami dango - those are the tricolored dango," he said. Kaede blinked open her eyes to see him pointing out a person carrying a skewer with a trio of dumplings in green, white, and pink. "Inarizushi and tamagoyaki are pretty popular. In the Human World, I believe there are many fish and meat dishes as well, though those are more difficult to replicate in Soul Society."
She nodded slowly. His descriptions, his voice, even just his solid presence beside her helped her calm down as he pointed things out. There were dice games being played near an alleyway, something usually frowned upon in a higher-class neighborhood like this but deemed acceptable in the spirit of festivity. A supposed fortune-teller offered to predict people's next lives by tossing some chicken bones - for a fee, of course. And so much food…Kaede's stomach grumbled as the savory scents of grilled skewers and the sweet fragrance of fresh dango wafted their way.
"Ready for something to eat?" Sousuke asked when her stomach made a louder complaint.
Face already flushed from her near-panic attack, Kaede just nodded. Yes. She was ready.
He pulled her to her feet and brought her to a long stand outfitted with a variety of grills and pots. "Pick whatever you like, and they'll pack it for you."
"Anything?" she asked, her mouth already watering as she stared at the wide array.
"Anything you want."
She didn't know where to begin. There was so much here that she'd never even seen before! "Um…what are those little fried balls?"
"Takoyaki - fried octopus."
Her brows rose. She couldn't see how these neat little spheres resembled the tentacled sea creature, but… "One of those?"
As they went down the line, she asked question after question, all of which Sousuke patiently answered. After a while, she stopped worrying what the servers must think of her, losing herself in the process of choosing as many different items as would fit into the mid-sized box. At the end of the stand, an old man with the kindest face she'd ever seen offered her an extra hanami dango skewer, free of charge. Kaede accepted it speechlessly.
Their bento boxes filled, Sousuke led her down the street, indulgently stopping at numerous stands as colorful silks and kites caught her eye. She admired the craftsmanship of a potter selling tea sets with delicately painted sakura blossoms, listened to a poet composing haiku about the flowering trees on the fly, laughed and clapped for a young girl whose little dog performed tricks for the crowd.
All the while, Kaede felt freer than she ever had in her life. No one here knew who she was or what she'd done; none of them cared. She was just another Soul enjoying the festival.
Before heading for the grove, they stopped at a stand that sold a wide variety of teas. The owner was extremely friendly, all too happy to make recommendations and provide samples of her product - something Kaede had no shame taking advantage of. Who knew there could be so many different flavors just for tea?
She tried every variety offered, from grassy matcha (she had to stop herself from spitting out the thick, bitter brew) to sencha infused with the sweet-tart essence of the festival's flowers. Sousuke, it seemed, preferred the clean, earthy taste of plain but high-quality sencha, but Kaede had a hard time pinning down which one she could call a "favorite."
The saleswoman smiled knowingly at Kaede's indecision. "Ah - I think I know what a lovely young lady of taste will like!"
Kaede wasn't sure how much "taste" she had, given that this was her first time experiencing so many of these flavors, but she eagerly watched the woman bring out another sample. As it brewed, she could already smell the tea's intoxicating fragrance, something sweet yet not cloying, like a perfume yet not soapy.
"What is that?" she asked, confounded by the almost hypnotic scent.
"Jasmine pearls," the saleswoman informed her. "A green tea infused with dried jasmine blossoms."
Kaede took the proffered sample and sipped. Immediately, her eyes slid shut, a moan of pleasure escaping as it seemed like every muscle in her body relaxed at once.
"I think we found the right one," Sousuke commented. He paid the woman for a small bag of loose leaf tea for each of them.
By the time they reached the sakura grove, Kaede had all but forgotten her earlier anxieties - and once the rows of blooming sakura trees filled her vision, she knew that even those horrible few moments had been worth it.
There were a couple of sakura trees on campus, and Kaede did think they were pretty, but she'd had a hard time understanding why there would be an entire festival dedicated to the delicate blossoms. Now she understood. Sunlight filtered through the branches, making the flowers seem to glow with their own inner light. They were like clouds of pale pink and white, their subtle, sweet-tart fragrance floating with the petals on the breeze.
"It's so beautiful," she breathed, standing still for a moment and trying to commit the image to memory.
"It's also temporary," Sousuke said. "In a week or so, these blossoms will wither and die."
Kaede knew this intellectually, but being confronted with that truth while standing among such transcendent beauty…she felt overcome with a wistful sadness. She wished these flowers could live on forever, that this day would go on forever.
Sousuke laid a hand along her waist. "Come - I have a spot waiting for us. We'll have some privacy there."
Beneath the trees, the spring-green grass was almost completely obscured by blankets and the people who sat on them. Kaede was amazed that Sousuke had secured them any amount of space, especially when they passed a couple of groups who looked ready to come to blows over a rare patch of unclaimed ground.
They stopped at a large weeping sakura, its curtain of branches completely blocking off the area around its trunk from the rest of the crowd. The tree itself backed up to a small river, making the side facing the water totally secluded.
Just when Kaede was wondering if this was supposed to be their spot - and how in the world Sousuke managed to keep others from claiming it - she spied a scrawny young boy sprawled out on his back atop the blanket, playing with a couple of sticks. To her surprise, she belatedly realized she'd felt the kid's presence before seeing him; she was so used to feeling the reiatsu of other Shinigami candidates that even in a crowd of mundane Souls, she hadn't paid him much mind.
"Thank you, Nobu-kun," Sousuke said as he parted the flowering branches for Kaede to duck inside. The boy shot up, dropping his sticks in surprise. "You may go now. Here's your payment for a job well done."
He dropped a few coins in the boy's outstretched hand. Kaede watched, amused, as he meticulously counted them, even biting down on one. "Were you holding this spot for us all day?"
The kid didn't answer except for a half-shrug of his bony shoulders. He wasn't dirty (except, perhaps, for the bottoms of his bare feet), though his simple yukata had definitely seen better days. Seeming satisfied with his payment, he started to run off.
Hit with a flash of inspiration, Kaede called after him. "Hey, wait!" He stopped, turned around, and reluctantly trudged back to them. Kaede brought out the second dango stick, the one the old man had given to her for free. "Here - please accept this!"
The boy took the skewer with a wide, gap-toothed grin before running off again.
"Did you pick him because of his reiatsu?" Kaede asked Sousuke after the kid was out of sight.
"Ah…you noticed it too, I take it," he commented as she knelt onto the blanket. He was leaning against the tree trunk with his long legs stretched out before him. "That was kind of you, giving him that dango, but unnecessary. I gave him enough money to buy his own."
"Well, now he can spend it on something else," Kaede replied with a smile. "Besides…I don't usually have anything to share with people. It felt kinda nice, you know? And even I know I won't be able to eat all of this myself!" She waved a hand over her bento, which was ready to burst at the seams.
"Why did you get so much, then?"
"To try a little of everything! Who knows when I'll get this chance again?" She removed the bento's lid carefully so as not to disturb the delectable treasure trove inside, then cracked open her chopsticks with a flourish. "Itadakimasu!"
She was vaguely aware of Sousuke watching her as she ate, a bemused smile on his face at her rather chaotic process for taste-testing. She popped a piece of one thing into her mouth, making an immediate pronouncement of either delicious! or disgusting! before moving onto the next. Some foods she returned to two or even three times, giving a more thorough opinion at each pass.
"That's it," Kaede declared when her obi began to feel tight around her small waist. "I can't eat another bite!"
As if to emphasize her pronouncement, she dramatically flopped onto her back, wincing a little as the obi's carefully tied knot pressed against her back. She couldn't bring herself to complain, though - not when an array of pale blossoms filled her vision, set against the jewel-toned twilight sky.
Nearby, Sousuke lit a small, cylindrical stove, its warm light and radiant heat welcome in the swiftly cooling evening. "Tea?"
"Yes, please."
Kaede stared up into the gently swaying branches feeling completely, utterly content for possibly the first time in her life. She was full, comfortable, sitting under an open sky surrounded by flowering trees…even the presence of so many other people didn't bother her anymore, their faint laughter and conversations forming a pleasant soundscape around them.
As the sky grew dark above them, the light of dozens of paper lanterns filled the canopies, casting a warm glow on the delicate blossoms. Kaede sat up to accept the steaming mug Sousuke handed her, once again taking in its sweet, floral fragrance. Before sipping, she noticed that he didn't have a cup of his own. "Not having any?"
"I'm not fond of jasmine," he said. "Or any floral tea. I'll make my own in a moment."
"Oh…sorry." She watched as he cleaned out the pot at the river's edge, filling it with water from a large jug. "Is the river not safe to drink from?"
"It's perfectly safe," he said. "It's made of reishi, just like everything in Soul Society. But the taste can be rather muddy, so I prefer to make tea with drawn water."
"And here I thought I was the connoisseur."
"You're in training. I just happen to already know my preferences."
Kaede was reminded of their last conversation, when he said that he'd always known his own nature. With that, she remembered the reason he wanted to bring her to this festival in the first place.
"So…" She gazed down into her tea, watching the steam be blown aside by her breath. "You said this was all about seeing the world the way you do. What did you mean by that?"
Sousuke measured out a pinch of tea leaves from his earlier purchase. "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
Kaede almost rolled her eyes. Still not answering the question… "Yes. It's…well, it's probably been the best day I've ever had, panic attack and all."
He gazed out over the surrounding crowd, at the people who'd settled onto their blankets to gaze at the flowering canopy above. "I wish I could say the same."
She nearly dropped her tea in surprise. "Wait - you've just been pretending all day?"
The thought of it made her heart sink. She'd truly believed that he wanted to be here with her, that all of this had been about…something.
Had she been wrong?
"Not exactly," he replied. "Let me clarify: it isn't that I didn't wish to enjoy this day, and truly…seeing you enjoy it was its own reward. But I look at all of this - the beauty, the peace, the prosperity…and it all means nothing. It's a distraction, an illusion of what Soul Society wants people to believe it is. Knowing that, I can't accept the fantasy; I can only be repulsed by it."
His eyes narrowed with thinly veiled contempt. "Remember when you told me about the Nest of Maggots?" She nodded. "That was the first time I heard of such a place - but it wasn't the first symptom I'd encountered. This district, for example, is one of the more prosperous ones, being so close to the Seireitei. However, the farther out you go, the more conditions deteriorate. That boy, Nobu? He is from District 64; many children like him make their way inward to try and escape the rampant poverty, only to be sent back if caught."
Kaede thought of the boy's bare feet and worn clothes, and how that contrasted with the clean, vibrant outfits sported by everyone else around them. Suddenly, even the kimono she wore felt unduly extravagant.
"What about…" She cleared her throat. "What about the districts I…"
Thankfully, he seemed to understand her inquiry without her having to finish it. "They have yet to be fully rebuilt, but Souls are sent there anyway. The others - the ones that were only damaged - received little to no assistance from the Seireitei. Yet just the other day, I happened to see mild repairs being done on an otherwise perfectly intact mansion nearby."
Shock and disgust hit her like a punch to the gut. "That's ridiculous! Why? It's not like in the Human World, where resources can be scarce. Like you just said - everything here is made of reishi. Why aren't we working on ways to…I don't know, convert it into whatever people need?"
Sousuke's lips curled up, though no humor or warmth reached his eyes. "An excellent question. The Seireitei - particularly the Gotei 13 - has more than enough people, time, and resources to devote to such issues…yet they don't. Instead, the focus is on maintaining the status quo - the hierarchies built purely on tradition rather than merit, the strict laws that were created out of fear in a far more turbulent time. Soul Society hasn't merely stagnated; its entire system is dependent on that stagnation, on hiding the evidence of real problems while distracting people with either empty spectacles-" He gestured to the blossoms overhead. "-or with scapegoats upon whom to lay their frustrations."
His eyes slid to her as he finished his statement, and Kaede felt the truth of it like ice in her veins. She'd never thought of herself as a "scapegoat" before - scapegoats, she used to think, were supposed to be wrongly accused innocents, and she hardly considered herself to be "innocent." But now…she knew better. She'd been a child when the Catastrophe occurred, hardly responsible for her own actions. Yet she'd been made to bear the weight of that tragedy. Even worse: she'd been made to believe that she should bear it.
"Everything Soul Society stands for," Sousuke uttered, "peace, order, enlightenment, reason…all of it is an illusion so convincing that even those who uphold it are sure of its reality. Anyone who sees the flaws, who dares to point out the cracks…you know better than most what happens to them."
She did. At best, they were detained in the Nest, forgotten and left to lose their minds from despair. At worst, they were sealed, banished…killed.
"You grew up surrounded by the evidence of Soul Society's flaws, even bearing that evidence yourself," he continued. "I saw it from a young age, too, though I had the privilege of being able to hide everything from my reiatsu to what I really thought. I was able to survive the ongoing culling of dissent by playing into the illusion this place so desperately seeks to protect." A small smirk played on his lips. "Perhaps that is why my Zanpakuto is what it is. How poetic, to take down a false god by using its own tricks against it."
Kaede studied him with a frown. Take down a false god… "What do you mean-" She glanced around, suddenly too aware of how exposed they were.
"Don't worry," he said, catching her gaze. "We have plenty of privacy. No one around us can hear a word we say."
Her eyes narrowed. "Kyoka Suigetsu?"
"Actually, no," he said. "Just a well-chosen spot. Even the breeze is carrying our voices away from the crowd."
All the same, Kaede cast out her senses. There was no one else within their blanketed area; the nearest Souls were out of earshot, and the curtain of flowering branches blocked their view. "So…you haven't been using it at all today?"
"I haven't needed to - not since we stepped into the Rukongai, at least."
The blood left Kaede's face as the implication hit her. "Wait - so everyone out here…they've just seen me?"
"They see a couple of young Souls enjoying the festival," Sousuke told her. "Nothing more, nothing less. Don't worry - I took precautions to make sure you won't be discovered for this, and I would not be speaking so openly if I believed there was any chance of us being overheard."
That, at least, she could trust in. Sousuke would never do anything to compromise himself; if he wasn't concerned, then there was no need for her to be. Still, she dreaded the thought of anyone hearing this, especially anyone connected to the Stealth Corps. If Urahara found out about Sousuke's views…
He wouldn't, she resolved to herself. Sousuke didn't deserve to be locked up for having unfavorable opinions. Besides…she thought he was right about a lot of things. The more she saw of Soul Society, the more she believed it to be deeply flawed, and yet those in power seemed stubbornly opposed to doing anything about it.
It is the system we live in, Urahara's voice whispered in her mind. We can work within it, but it takes time.
Time…just like it took time to not repair those outer districts? Or like it took time to lock up dissenters rather than acknowledge the issues that caused their dissent in the first place?
"I think you're right," Kaede said, her jaw set. "Even the fact that we have to worry about being overheard…it's not right. Being able to talk about what's wrong with society should be the first step toward fixing it."
"The problems go far deeper than you know," Sousuke said softly, a shadow in his eyes. "Everything we have discussed thus far are mere symptoms. Even attempting to find their root cause could draw the ire of those in charge, yet that is all the more reason we must do so."
"Why hide something unless it's worth finding," Kaede surmised, her mind already tingling with curiosity.
"Precisely. It may also well be that real, lasting change will require things to be broken - from minor laws to the boundaries of existence itself."
Kaede nodded. He was probably right about that, too. The prospect of breaking laws, strangely enough, no longer fazed her; maybe it was because the Failsafe was gone, or maybe she'd just grown weary of rules over the past two years.
It was funny…she remembered one of their first conversations, when she tried to argue that laws and rules were of the utmost necessity. Back then, she believed it, clung to it, even - especially regarding her own restrictions.
Now? She wasn't about to completely rid herself of the binding seals - no matter what Sousuke said, she knew she still needed some help keeping her power in check. But there were plenty of laws, rules, and standards that just made no sense. Already, her mind churned with questions she'd never thought to ask before. Why was Soul Society the way it was? How did it come to be this way? Who decided how things should be, and what gave them the power and right to do so? She suddenly hungered to find the answers, and the idea that those answers were being purposely hidden away only made her want to claw harder at the curtains obscuring them.
As for "breaking the boundaries of existence…" Before, when it had been an idea that existed only in books, she found it intriguing, but she'd never wanted to test it in reality. Now, the thought of bringing those theories to life filled her with buzzing excitement. Maybe she could even learn more about her own power, and, ultimately, how to truly control it - and then, maybe she could use it to bring about the sort of change that Soul Society needed.
Kaede looked up to the darkened sky beyond the lantern-lit clouds of cherry blossoms, the simple act like emerging from a waking dream. All of these ideas and ambitions were exciting, and they gave her a sense of hope and purpose for the future, but that was just it: They were the future. It wasn't like she and Sousuke could solve everything while sitting here under the sakura trees.
Earlier today, she'd been almost incapacitated by her own fear of hurting others. Then, she'd had what were probably the best few hours of her entire life thus far. For a few minutes, she'd even been fully, completely content - with the world, and with herself.
Already she mourned the passing of that contentment. Above her, the cherry blossoms swayed gently, still beautiful, still fleeting in that beauty - and she understood what Sousuke meant when he said he couldn't enjoy it. Compared to the ugliness that Soul Society hid, this temporary bit of peace and joy seemed pointless.
But it was still beautiful.
"I get it," she said, melancholy lending a huskiness to her voice. "All of it. There are real problems in this world, and we should do what we can to change that." She reached up and plucked a blossom from a draping branch, spinning it in her fingers. "But this is still beautiful. These trees, the river, the sky and the fresh air…I'm still enjoying being here, no matter how brief and meaningless it may be in the end. I'm still enjoying this tea, too, even though it's a little cold now."
She dropped the blossom into her tea and took a sip of the lukewarm beverage. The change of temperature only made it more refreshing. "So thank you, Sousuke…for all of this. The kimono, the tea, the food…this whole day. Whatever happens tomorrow, whatever we need to do to change things…this has been one of the best days of my life."
She smiled softly down into her tea, watching the sakura blossom twirl in the cooled liquid. A bit of that contentment returned to her, and though it was tinged with a preemptive sadness, she was glad for it.
"This place should burn for what they did to you."
Kaede's head snapped up, eyes widening. It was definitely Sousuke who'd spoken, yet she'd never heard his voice filled with such seething rage before. Icy logic, sure, cold contempt, sometimes - but this was something new to her, darker, deeper, more raw.
Almost immediately, Sousuke seemed to pull a veil back over his expression, making it milder, even placing a contrite little half-smile on his lips. "What I meant to-"
Kaede moved without thinking, pivoting on her knees and steadying herself against his shoulders as she pressed her mouth to his. It was quick, just a peck, yet she felt every nanosecond of his soft, firm lips against her own, and it lit up every nerve in her body.
She leaned back on her heels, holding his gaze as she spoke. "You don't have to pretend with me, Sousuke."
He'd said those words to her before, and over time, Kaede had taken them to heart. He'd accepted her darkest corners and her most fragile bits, taken the time to truly see her, and not once had he rejected what he found. He brought out her best and her worst in equal measure, gave her validation when she was floundering for stability, helped her find her own strength and will when she thought she had neither.
Now, she wanted to give him that same gift. He spent so much time and energy pretending, being what everyone else expected…all with his own clear goal, of course. Those people would never accept the real Aizen Sousuke, the manipulator, the boundary pusher, the man who saw past the status quo and wasn't afraid to do what was needed to change it for the better.
But she could. She wanted him to know that she could take it all, his darkness, his ambition, his bitterness and his brilliance. Not only could she bear it with him, she wanted to, wanted to be his refuge, his confidant, as he'd been hers these past two years.
She wanted him, and she needed him to know that she would accept nothing less.
Sousuke searched her eyes with his own, assessing, calculating. She let him. That was what he did, how he worked, and she wouldn't have him any other way.
Then he kissed her, and the world around them shattered.
He was soft at first, testing, guiding her with more experienced motions and inviting her to reciprocate. She learned quickly, matching his lips' movements and growing bolder with each pass. His tongue brushing her lip was a surprise that made her melt; when she opened her mouth to suck in a much-needed breath, that tongue darted in, drawing her own into a tentative dance and stealing the air from her lungs. She felt his fingers along her cheek and jaw, tilting her head just right so that he could deepen the kiss while her own fingers dug into his haori like she was hanging off a ledge. Every one of her senses was on fire, and she wanted more.
His mouth shifted from her lips to her cheek, then her jaw, trailing down her neck and how could this feel so good? After focusing a bit on a spot below her ear that made her shudder in his arms, he kissed his way back up to her mouth, and she sucked at his lower lip, wanting to keep him there. He obliged, plundering her mouth like it was his right. She responded in kind, growing bolder by the moment as their tongues dipped and danced through each others' mouths.
Her legs slid out from under her and before she even realized it, she was back against the blanket, Sousuke following her from above. She pulled him closer, her body arching to meet his, driven by an imperative that had nothing to do with survival and everything to do with chasing this high. His hand dragged down her side to pull her hip up and into his, and when they met, she felt something, a pressure building inside of her -
With a gasp, she broke away from Sousuke's mouth, pushing at his chest; he sprung off of her at the same time. Breathless, Kaede scrambled into a sitting position, trying to quell the sudden jolt of panic.
She was fine. There was no reiatsu pressure; what she'd felt was…something else.
"I'm sorry," she breathed, pressing her palms to her face. "I don't know what happened."
Sousuke shook his head, seeming just as winded as he removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "No, it wasn't…"
Kaede stared at him, sure that this was an entirely new state of being she was witnessing. Aizen Sousuke…was speechless?
Her surprise was quickly overridden by his appearance otherwise - hair tousled, lips glistening and reddened. Her eyes were drawn to his long fingers, the ghost of their touch still tingling against her skin.
He replaced his glasses. "We should get you back. It'll be curfew soon."
Kaede blinked. She was pretty sure there were still a couple of hours before curfew, and even so, no one really enforced it during breaks between terms. But she doubted he actually cared about the time.
He just wanted to be rid of her.
Her heart sank. She wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole right there. What did she think was going to happen? That because they'd kissed, he would kneel down and declare his undying love or some nonsense?
Still, she had to know one thing for certain. "Did I…do something wrong?"
Sousuke had been running a hand through his hair, but at her question, he paused, his eyes flicking sharply to her. "No, not at all," he said, then gave her a small smile. "You were perfect."
The praise made her glow a little inside, but something about his smile seemed wrong, distant.
They cleaned up their picnic area, bundling everything into the large blanket. Sousuke carried it with them as they passed silently through the Rukongai and into the Seireitei. He seemed lost in thought the whole time.
Kaede wrung her hands, wondering what he was thinking. Did he regret kissing her? What did this mean for them? She'd definitely enjoyed it…did she want more?
Yes. The answer came to her spontaneously, emphatically. But did he?
All too soon, they were at the Academy grounds. Sousuke stopped once they were inside the main gates. "You'll be fine from here."
Kaede's shoulders fell. Had she expected him to walk her all the way to the barracks door? That was much further within the grounds, and he probably wanted to return to his own division.
She nodded and tried to mask her sudden sadness. "Thank you again…for everything."
She turned around, afraid to look back in case he was visibly glad to see her go.
"Wait."
He gently tugged her back to him so they were chest-to-chest. His head dipped, and then his lips met hers again. Kaede melted against him, eyes sliding shut, hands rising from his chest to his face as they kissed again and again. She happily lost herself in the rhythm of their mouths, greeting his tongue with her own, letting his arms support her, one of his hands coming up to wind fingers into her hair.
Sousuke pulled back, shifting his hold so that he put some distance between them. He was just as breathless as she, and by how heavily lidded his eyes were, possibly just as dizzy.
"I should go," he whispered, stepping back and straightening his spine. "Good night, Kaede."
So… This chapter was a blast to write for so many reasons. I need to draw a pic of Kaede and Sousuke in their kimono at the festival. That must happen. (And/or if anyone out there feels so inspired… ;) )
First kiss! Ahhhh! It finally happened! Let's see…what else happened… Kaede's first festival started off a bit rocky with a panic attack, but turned into an idyllic afternoon - in no small part thanks to Sousuke being almost…sweet? What's that about?
We also got some more hints about Aizen's ultimate ambitions. Makes you wonder how sincere he was about wanting to change Soul Society for the better. I have my own thoughts on his motivations, but we'll save those for another time.
Like, say, next chapter ;)
Next Time: Thoughts of You. Kaede reflects on the kiss and what it means…and we get a rare glimpse into Aizen Sousuke's thoughts and, dare I say, feelings. There will be citrus as well, so as always…
Stay Tuned!