Back Then

Year 4 of the Academy

The new term began, and for the first week, Kaede was too busy to think much about the hanami - though the kiss crept into her mind more often than she thought possible. Even when she was doing completely unrelated things like memorizing a Kido incantation or practicing her Zanjutsu form, she'd recall Sousuke's lips on hers and she'd grow hot all over.

Then the weeks slowed as the new routine set in, and she began wondering. It started out innocently enough: What was Sousuke doing right now? was a common question that crossed her mind. He was probably adjusting to his new life as a true Shinigami, whatever that entailed. Maybe he was even on assignment in the Human World already - he certainly had enough experience from guiding underclassmen in the Academy.

A month passed, and the new question on Kaede's mind was Why hasn't he contacted me?

She tried to shake it off. He was just busy. She couldn't expect him to take time from his duties just to see her…right? They both held an obligation to Soul Society before anything else.

But Sousuke doesn't care for Soul Society, a little voice in her head whispered. Kaede refuted it: He'd never said that. He just didn't like how Soul Society worked, and she agreed with him on that. He wanted to change it - didn't that show more sincerity than blindly adhering to a broken system?

Still…why hadn't he come to see her even once? Every day, between classes and meals, Kaede rushed back to the barracks to see if he'd left her a note. Anytime she saw a Hell Butterfly, she perked up, only to sag when it went to someone else. She even went to their old meeting spots after hours each night - but there was no sign of him.

Kaede wondered if it was just…her. Maybe he regretted the kiss. Maybe he didn't actually feel that way about her. Sure, he'd opened up to her more that night than ever before, but…maybe he regretted that, too. Or maybe it had all been a scam from the beginning.

Despite her best efforts, the doubts and anxiety became increasingly distracting. She went through classes and training in a melancholy daze, her mind only ever half-engaged. Doing homework with Hiyori, her pencil drew idle loops on the margins of her notes, her thoughts drifting between the Kido theory they were studying and questions of where is he? and what did I do wrong?

"Okay, I think I've got it," Hiyori announced, glaring down at her notebook. "So the whole point of incantations is to give the spell shape and purpose an' all, right?"

"Hmm…"

"That's why we say things like 'god of thunder' and 'toss your net wide' and shit."

"Hm…"

Hiyori frowned at her. "Are you even listening?"

"Hm…"

She slammed her book shut, making Kaede jump in her seat. "What?"

"What the heck's goin' on with you?" Hiyori demanded. "You're being weird."

"No I'm not."

Hiyori rolled her eyes. "I beat you in Hakuda yesterday."

"So?"

"So I've never beaten you before! You were totally not paying attention then, either!" She leaned back and crossed her arms. "So just spit out whatever's got in your craw so we can deal with it already!"

"It's noth-"

"Don't you even start with that shit," Hiyori warned, waving a finger at her. "Come on. Out with it."

Kaede sighed. In halting phrases, she told Hiyori about the kiss with Sousuke and her fears over his subsequent absence - though she left out the part about sneaking out for the hanami.

"Wait-wait-wait," Hiyori stopped her. "So he kissed you - he kissed you?! About fuckin' time! Jeez, I thought he'd never grow the balls! And now he's just fucked off the face of the earth?"

"As far as I know," Kaede muttered.

"What a dick!" Hiyori exclaimed, pushing up her sleeve. "Ya know what? I'mma find that dumbass an' give him a piece o' my mind!"

"What? No!" Kaede grabbed her by the shoulders. "Look, it's not-"

"Yeah it is! No guy can get away with makin' out with you and then just disappearing! That ain't right!" Hiyori huffed and crossed her arms again. "Tell you what. I'm findin' Aizen fucking Sousuke and dragging his ass back here tomorrow."

"You can't go tomorrow," Kaede groaned. She knew Hiyori wouldn't let go of this idea easily, but at least she could be delayed for a bit. "We have an early class, remember? Konso practice."

Hiyori dropped her arms and pouted. "Ugh…damnit! Fine, I'll go after, but we're not lettin' this go! He can explain to your face what the fuck this was about, an' if it's anything remotely fishy? I will butcher his shriveled up dick and balls, grind them into sausage, use that to beat him like the ass he is, and then shove it down his throat."

Kaede snorted at the visceral, grotesque image the blond had described. "What makes you think his balls are shriveled?"

"Well, obviously they are if he's avoiding you," Hiyori stated. "I'd call him a pussy, but that's an insult to vaginas. Those things are fuckin' stronger than balls anyway."

Tears creeped into the corners of Kaede's eyes as she struggled to hold back her laughter. "True. But how will you explain to Shinji why you maimed one of his officers?"

"Eh, he'll understand once I explain it to him."

"And when he has to explain it to other people?"

"That's his problem."

The next morning, they arrived at the Senkaimon just in time to receive their Hell Butterflies. Rather than a group of upperclassmen to guide them, this time they'd be meeting with an on-duty Shinigami in the Human World.

Kaede took her butterfly and walked into the portal, her mind already elsewhere. She thought back to the first time Sousuke had sneaked her on a trip to the Human World, how special he'd made her feel in doing so. Like the two of them shared something no one else knew about…which, to be fair, was true.

Had that been a lie? She tried not to fall into that spiral again. She shouldn't jump to conclusions without at least talking to Sousuke.

It was nighttime in the Human World when they arrived. The faint, acrid odor of cannon smoke filled the air; there must have been a battle nearby. Whatever Shinigami was on duty was probably drowning in konso work; no wonder this was where their field trip had brought them.

"Welcome, everyone."

Kaede's head snapped up when she heard the voice of their Shinigami guide. Hiyori frantically nudged her.

Sousuke?

He smiled warmly at the small group, his eyes landing briefly on Kaede.

"It is good to see you," he said with a small nod, and though he was addressing the group, Kaede felt like he was speaking directly to her. "I recognize several of you from last year! Now, as you can see, there has been a battle in this region…"

"Hey, hey," Hiyori hissed. "Now's your chance! What're you - mph!"

Kaede clamped a hand over her mouth.

"All of you are familiar with konso now," Sousuke was saying. "Today is all about practice. Please divide into pairs and take a map; it will show you the area which you are to scout for Pluses. Oh, there's an odd number…" His eyes scanned the class. "Ah, Sorano-san, yes? You'll be with me."

Hiyori pushed her hand away and smirked. "Go get 'im!"

Sousuke came to her as the class paired up and went to their assigned areas. "Kaede…it's been a while."

"No shit," Hiyori interjected from a few feet away. Kaede shot her a glare; the blond rolled her eyes and trudged after her partner.

"What did you tell her?" Sousuke asked, watching the blond girl leave.

Kaede grimaced at the veiled implication that she'd have blabbed about anything sensitive. "Nothing about…what we talked about. Or the hanami. I'm not an idiot. Just that…" Her face began to burn. "…that you kissed me and then went MIA for weeks."

"I've been on assignment here in the Human World," he said. "Were you really so upset?"

Upset? She was relieved. If he'd been in the Human World this whole time, then it made sense that he hadn't come by. He still should've contacted you, said a little voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Hiyori.

"I'm not upset," she said with a sigh. "Well…maybe a little. I just…I didn't know what to think."

Sousuke's brow furrowed a bit; he glanced toward the other pairs. "Come. We'll take the south-east."

Kaede hoped that meant a bit more privacy, because privacy meant real talk and that was exactly what she needed from him right now.

"I apologize for making you worry," he said as they entered a forest at the edge of the battlefield. "That was hardly my intention."

Kaede stepped over a fallen tree that looked like it had been blasted by cannonfire. "What was your intention?"

He sighed. "To be frank…I needed some space. To think, to reflect…" He stopped walking. "Kaede…I am not new to physical relationships, but that is all they have ever been to me: physical. I am not in the habit of letting people get close to me in any other way."

He turned toward her. "With you, I find myself wanting…more. That night, I became aware of just how much more I wanted, and it…unsettled me. I needed time to sort through things. When Hirako-taicho asked for volunteers to take on assignments in the Human World, I stepped up, because it was an opportunity to be alone and reflect as well as to build my reputation in the company."

She could understand needing time and space to think. "And…? What do you-"

She stopped as something scraped at the edge of her senses, like a rip in the seam of reality. Her eyes widened, but it wasn't something she could see; instead, it was her reiatsu perception that focused intently on the sensation.

"What is it?" Sousuke asked.

Kaede shook her head, more to silence him than anything else. There was something coming through that tear, something big…hungry. Its presence filled her with a sense of dread and emptiness, her instincts telling her to flee, to hide, to do something that wasn't just standing there.

She licked her dry lips. "I think…it's a Hollow…"

Sousuke frowned at her - but then a clicking noise came from within his robes. He pulled out what looked like a small, handheld telegraph. It clicked in rhythmic bursts, spitting out a thin strip of paper.

"I'm getting notice now from Soul Society," he said, skimming the paper. "There is a Hollow, over-"

"North by northwest, just over a kilometer away," Kaede supplied, zeroing in on the rip. There were three other presences nearby - one a Plus, two Shinigami, and one of them was… "Hiyori!"

Kaede moved without thinking, adrenaline flooding her system. She could feel the Hollow attack the two Shinigami, knocking Hiyori's partner aside like a fly. His reiatsu flickered, then blinked out of her perception altogether.

No, Kaede chanted in her mind. No no no no no-

She was close, close enough to smell the sharp scent of blood and the putrid stench of the Hollow itself. She could see it just through the trees: It was a "Huge" class, easily the size of a multi-story mansion. Its back hunched over from an exposed, too-long spinal column, the jaws of its bone-white mask hanging open to expose too many rows of blunt teeth. It swung its oversized arms, and a small figure darted just out of reach.

Hiyori!

Kaede began to chant. Her asauchi wouldn't be much use against a Huge Hollow, but Hiyori's Shikai might be. At the least, she could give the blond an opening. "Drawn between heaven and earth, crackling god of thunder, throw your javelin true!"

She brought her hands in front of her, calling forth all the spiritual energy she could muster and concentrating it.

"Hado 4: Byakurai!"

Kaede put everything she had into the bolt and aimed for the Hollow. White light flashed as the lightning shot from her hands - but it was too thin, too weak, and made it only a little over halfway before scorching the ground.

The Huge Hollow pivoted around, its empty eyes finding her. She'd drawn its attention, but that was all. It charged at her, jaws gaping. Kaede jumped out of its way at the last second, drawing her own asauchi as it took down an entire tree with a swipe of its massive arm. "Hiyori!"

"Right here! Butcher it, Kubi-"

Hiyori leaped up behind the Hollow as she yelled - but it turned impossibly fast, snatching her out of the air before she could finish the incantation. Hiyori screamed as its fist tightened with the audible crunch of bones.

Kaede let out a feral growl and rushed forward, dodging the Hollow's other hand with blind, single-minded purpose. It didn't matter that it was stronger than her, or that she had little chance of winning; all she cared about was making it bleed.

Kill…

She slashed at anything she could reach, focusing just enough to aim for its more vulnerable joints and relishing its yelps of pain and surprise.

Tear it apart -

The Hollow tried to defend itself, whipping about, trying to smash her with its massive limbs, but she was too fast.

-until it is NOTHING!

At last, she'd cut enough that its fingers loosened. From the corner of her eye, she saw Hiyori's body start to fall - and like the crack of a whip, she was Kaede again, and her friend needed her more than she needed to kill this thing.

Hiyori was frighteningly limp when she fell into her arms. Kaede called to her, silently begging every deity that could possibly exist for a response. "Hiyori? Hiyori!"

The blond was still - but then, her freckled face scrunched and she groaned. "I'm okay…owwww…."

The Hollow roared again and came straight for them, its eyes blazing with predatory fury.

Kill it…

The world around Kaede slowed. She could feel it, that pressure that built with every loud thump of her heart. With Hiyori in her arms, she couldn't hope to fight this thing off - but with power…with that power…

Let it out…

But Hiyori - she'd get caught in the midst and then she'd be nothing - but the power was already pushing at the bindings, trying to get free but she couldn't let it and the seals wouldn't let it and she was burning from the inside -

Light struck through the Hollow's mask, splitting it cleanly in two. It let out a final, bellowing cry before its body burst into spirit particles.

As the dust settled, Sousuke walked toward them, sheathing his Zanpakuto. "Are you all right?"

The storm in Kaede's body dissipated, leaving her shaking and gasping for air. She looked down at Hiyori, her heart pounding madly. The blond seemed so small in her arms. Her wiry body, usually ready to spring into action, felt fragile, like her skin was merely a thin wrapping for her splintered bones.

Hiyori coughed and winced. "Hurts like hell…"

Sousuke knelt down by them and coaxed Kaede's arm from around Hiyori's prone form. "Definitely fractured or broken ribs, probably some bruised organs as well. We'll need to get her to Division Four right away. Here, I'll take her."

"No!" Kaede protested, securing her hold on her friend. "I've got her. You…you need to take care of the rest of the class."

"Kaede-"

"Oy," Hiyori croaked, cracking her eyes open to glare at Sousuke. "It's fine. She's got me."

Sousuke's mouth set into a thin line, but he nodded. Kaede stood carefully with the blond in her arms. She wasn't sure why she had this sudden impulse, only that she didn't want to leave Hiyori's side for even a second. She'd been so useless in the fight against the Hollow…the least she could do was carry her friend back home.

The minute they crossed the Senkaimon back into Soul Society, Hiyori was taken from Kaede's arms by a medical team and whisked away. Kaede tried to follow them, but the Senkaimon guards stopped her.

"You're not permitted to go anywhere in the Seireitei without authorization," they reminded her. "You may wait here or be escorted back to the Academy grounds."

Kaede wanted to scream at them that she didn't give a fuck about the rules, her friend was nearly killed and she needed to be there for her! Her friend…her friend…

She allowed them to escort her back to the Academy grounds. At least there, she might get updates on Hiyori's condition.

Hours passed. Kaede kept a restless vigil at the grounds gate closest to Division Four, but no news came. She stretched her senses out as far as they would go, trying to pinpoint Hiyori's coiled-spring of a signature, but all she got for her efforts was the beginning of a migraine. There were far too many Souls, too much reiatsu to sort through in the greater Seireitei; it was like trying to pick out a single drop in an ocean of energy.

Night fell, and still no word. Kaede ignored the dinner gong, chewing instead on her thumbnail while staring intently at the open gate. If she watched for long enough without blinking, someone would come…if she held her breath for another few seconds, someone would come…if, if, if…

No one bothered her, even after the gong signaled the passing of curfew. Kaede sat with one knee drawn up, eyes strained from watching the same spot so intently.

"Ah, there ya are, Kaede-san."

Kaede's head snapped up. The voice hadn't come from the entry, but from her back. She blinked as the slouching figure of Hirako Shinji came into view, walking slowly toward her.

He lifted one long hand in greeting. "Hey."

Kaede leaped up. "Is it Hiyori? Is she okay?"

"Whoa," Shinji held up his hands. "She's outta surgery and stable, yeah. Had a lotta broken bones that'll take some time to heal up right, but she got lucky - it coulda been a lot worse. But, ah…thing is, she's kinda givin' the medical corps hell."

Kaede nearly collapsed to the ground with relief. That certainly sounded like Hiyori. "Good…I mean, sucks for the medics, but…she's okay? She's going to be okay?"

"Why don't you come see for yourself?" Shinji asked, jabbing a thumb toward the gate. "They don't usually allow visitors this late, but somethin' tells me Unohana'll make an exception here."

Kaede's shoulders fell. "I'm…not allowed off campus."

"Eh? Why, 'cause it's late?"

"No…" Her hand drifted to her forearm. "Because it's me."

"Huh…" Shinji shrugged. "Well, whatever weird restrictions they got on you, it's not like they can argue if a Captain's your escort, right? Who made those rules, anyway?"

"Central 46."

Shinji looked up at the sky and sighed. "Hm…well, I'll pretend I just didn't hear that. C'mon, I'll take the blame if it comes to that."

Kaede hesitated for only a second before jogging to his side.

The hospital was fairly quiet, though the halls remained brightly lit. Kaede supposed that a place like this never truly slept. She'd never been to Division Four before; any time Unohana-taicho had given her a medical exam, it had been in one of Central Underground Prison's exam rooms. The hospital, she decided, was far nicer, even though it smelled strongly of cleaning solutions.

When they got to the wing Hiyori was in, a medic rushed to block their path. "I'm sorry sir, ma'am, but it's past visiting hours-"

"Aw, c'mon," Shinji pleaded, his voice charming but his face the same drooping deapan as always. "You'll wanna let this one happen."

"Sir, we-"

A crash echoed down the hallway - something had been thrown from one of the rooms. Two medics soon followed, seeming to flee whatever was inside.

"-and get the FUCK outta here with that thing -"

The medic blocking their way shifted uncomfortably. Shinji sighed. "Like I said. Y'all want a more peaceful ward?" He jabbed his thumb at Kaede. "Then this is who ya want in there right now."

The medic cringed as another crash resounded in the hall. "I-I suppose…"

That was all Kaede needed to hear. She rushed past the beleaguered medic toward the sound of cursing. Inside, Hiyori lay in the hospital bed, her whole torso swathed in bandages, her left arm suspended in a thick, bulbous cast. With her good arm, she was reaching for a tray that had rolled just out of her range.

"I SAID," she yelled, not looking at the door right away, "I ain't lettin' you fucktards knock me out-"

She stopped when she saw Kaede standing in the door frame. At once, her eyes brightened.

"About fuckin' time they let you in!" she exclaimed. "Ugh, get me outta here, will ya?! They keep tryin' to make me sleep!"

Kaede wasn't sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. Even broken ribs didn't seem to affect Hiyori's lung capacity, and that alone was enough to reassure her.

"You need to rest, dummy," she said, stepping into the room. "And stop throwing things! You could hurt yourself more!"

"Then tell those idiots to stop tryin' to dope me!" Hiyori retorted. "I'll sleep when I'm good and ready to! And don't you start with that 'you're gonna hurt yourself' shit! I'm fine! They're all makin' a huge deal outta small shit!"

"You almost died today!"

"That's what I signed up for!" Hiyori made to cross her arms, only to remember - painfully - that one arm was slung up in a cast. "Damnit! Look, I didn't come to the Academy thinkin' it was all gonna be rainbows an' puppies. I came to learn how to kill Hollows, an' that's exactly what I plan on doin'." Her freckled face scrunched in frustration. "I thought havin' Shikai would make it easy…I didn't know they could be as strong as that…"

"Hey." Kaede laid her hand over Hiyori's much smaller one. "We're both gonna get stronger, and we'll learn how to beat them together. But first…" She pulled the tray over. "You need to heal. Rest. Look at it this way: you don't have to go to class while you're in here, right?"

Hiyori pouted. "True…but I ain't weak, and I ain't gettin' behind 'cause of this!"

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't," Kaede assured her. "I'll be here every day - somehow…I don't care, I'll figure it out. You won't fall behind." She poured a cup of water from a nearby pitcher. "Now be good and listen to the medics. They know their shit, and you'll probably get out faster if you do what they say, okay?"

Hiyori took the cup, grumbling under her breath. "Fine…"

"Is this the medication they were trying to give you?" Kaede held up a smaller cup with a few capsules inside.

"Yeah," she muttered. "But I ain't takin' no doping shit!"

"Hiyori…"

"Ugh! Fine! But stop treatin' me like some stupid brat!"

"Then stop acting like one."

Hiyori snatched the pills and downed them in one go. "There. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Kaede deadpanned. She sighed. "Besides…how many times have you done this for me now? Let me take care of you this time."

Hiyori scowled. "I told you, you don't owe me anything."

Yes, I do. She couldn't even begin to count the things she owed the tiny blond for. Every bowl of soup after a hard check-up, every time she stood by her side, every encouraging - if profane - word that reminded her that she was worth something and did deserve better… If Kaede tried to tally it all up, the scales would break under the weight of all Hiyori had done for her. In a way, she was almost glad to finally have a situation where she could do something for Hiyori, for a change.

"I'm not doing it because I owe you," she told her. "I'm doing it because I want to."

Hiyori's face softened, her shoulders relaxing a bit. Then a sly glint entered her nut-brown eyes. "Ya know…I might actually need you to do the homework for me, 'cause o' this an' all…" She pointed to her cast.

"Nice try. That's not your writing hand."

"Aw, c'mon!"

When Kaede emerged from Hiyori's room in the wee hours of the morning, she was greeted by a truly surreal sight: Three medics lined up in front of her and simultaneously bowed.

"Thank you for your help!" said the medic who'd tried to block her and Shinji from the ward earlier. "Sarugaki-san is, um…well…"

"A handful?" Kaede supplied.

The medic rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile. "Well…I guess you could say that…Oh, but we've asked Unohana-taicho, and she said you can come by whenever you want to see Sarugaki-san! She said not to worry about the protocols, whatever that means, so…you know…can we expect you tomorrow, er, later today, I guess?"

"They're sayin' Hiyori's easier to deal with when you're around," came Shinji's voice. He was lounging on a bench in the waiting area nearby.

The medic jumped and sputtered. "No! I mean - that's to say -" Then he sighed, deflating. "Well…thing is, Sarugaki-san will need to stay here at least a week, or until her bones finish setting, because we're concerned that if she's released too soon she'll wind up hurting herself more…so…would you please come by often?" He and the other two medics clasped their hands and bowed deeply. "We'd be greatly indebted to you!"

This was new. Kaede wasn't sure she'd ever been invited anywhere by total strangers before. "Um…okay…"

"Thank you so much!"

They went back to their tasks, leaving Kaede standing dumbstruck in the hallway.

"It's weird, isn't it?" Shinji asked, coming up beside her. "The first time people actually show ya respect, I mean."

"I guess…" Was that what that was?

"I'm still not quite used to it," he admitted. "But it's not like I can let my subordinates know that. Gotta fake it 'til you make it. That was Aizen Sousuke's region y'all were in, right?"

Kaede blinked at the sudden topic shift. "Yes?"

"Huh…" Shinji shrugged. "I sent him there 'cause he seemed real efficient. Figured he'd clean up that battlefield pretty quick. But I guess it's inevitable that some Pluses got transformed - probably had some dead Souls in the area from long before that battle took place."

"It wasn't a Plus," she said with a frown. "The Hollow…it came through a Garganta."

Shinji's brows rose into his ruler-straight bangs. "Really? Ya saw it come through?"

"No," she clarified with a shake of her head. "I was too far away to see it, but I felt it."

"Is that so…huh…well, it's not unheard of, especially in places where so many people died at once. Hollows do feed on Pluses, an' there are plenty of those to be had at a battlefield."

Kaede nodded in absent-minded agreement, her eyes drooping in exhaustion. Now that she knew Hiyori was going to be okay, the day was starting to catch up to her.

Shinji glanced sidelong at her. "You look ready to fall over. Go on back to the barracks and get some rest. I'll keep an eye on our little hellion for a bit."

Kaede smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Shin - er, Hirako-taichou."

"Eh, you might as well just call me 'Shinji.' Not like you're in my squad or anything." He waved a long, slim-fingered hand as he slouched toward Hiyori's room. "I'd say 'hey, look into joining Division 5 when you graduate,' but I doubt that'll happen. Hiyori'll never in a million years join a squad I'm captaining, and it seems like you two're a package deal these days. Good night."

Present Day

There was a river in Karakura Town these days. Kaede didn't recognize it from the last time she'd been here, but then, it had been a century. She suspected it was a man-made tributary, redirecting the flow of the much larger, natural river several miles away. Artificial or not, it was a nice addition, and the water reflected the sunset to create a fiery ambience in the evening.

She sat by the bank, zanpakuto cradled against her shoulder, staring down at the gently lapping water below. Soon it would be dark, and the water would reflect a different sort of light, assuming the gathering clouds didn't obscure the half-moon already visible in the orange-hued sky.

Hiyori hated her.

Kaede wasn't sure what she'd expected - or what Kisuke had, either. An apology wouldn't fix what had happened, and nothing would turn back the clock on what was once the most genuine friendship she'd ever known.

She felt a presence approaching - non-threatening, aloof, familiar. She waited until the person stood a few feet behind her before acknowledging them. "How is she?"

"Mad," answered Hirako Shinji. "But that's nothin' new."

Kaede picked at a blade of grass. "You here to finish what she started?"

"What, kill you? Nah. An' for the record, I don't think she'd have actually done it."

"You sure about that?" She let go of the plucked blade, watching it drift away on the breeze. "I don't blame you all for hating me. If it's any consolation, I hate myself, too."

Shinji sighed and plopped his lanky form down beside her. "Weird how rarely that kinda thing actually turns out satisfying."

"So why are you here?"

"I've been wonderin' the same thing about you. Thought you left all this for good."

"So did I."

Shinji glanced sidelong at her. "You here 'cause of him?"

Kaede didn't have to ask who he meant, but she didn't answer. She could say that no, she came back because she wanted to make amends with everyone. She could say she was here to join the upcoming fight.

But those would be lies, because she still didn't know what the honest answer was.

"Ya know," Shinji said, "Urahara told me some o' what really happened back then. How you wound up in the Human World with the rest of us an' all."

"Did he, now?" Kaede muttered. The sun had fully set, so only the lingering orange and pink afterglow remained.

"Enough to know that you aren't to blame for what happened," he said. "No more than me, anyway. I didn't like him from the start. Couldn't've told you why, just something about him rubbed me wrong. I figured I'd keep an eye on him, like the minute he stepped outta line, I'd know. But he blindsided us all."

Kaede's jaw tightened. She wasn't sure "blindsided" was the word she'd have used.

"I never told anyone 'cause I didn't have proof," Shinji continued. "Guess that's a habit for people who grew up like we did: without proof, we got nothing to fall back on. But I coulda said something to you, at least. Maybe you wouldn't've gotten so caught up in all this…maybe we both coulda stopped it."

Kaede looked over at him for the first time since he arrived. At first glance, he seemed to have his usual, indifferent expression, but there was a crease in his brow, a tightness around his eyes, that suggested he was anything but.

"If you think you could've stopped what happened by telling me what he was," she said, her voice rough in her throat, "you're naive, Shinji. I knew what he was. I was already 'caught up' before you were around."

He cocked his head toward her. "If you really knew what he was, why'd you stay with him so long?"

Kaede didn't say anything for a few minutes. When she did speak again, she was quiet, the emptiness in her chest more pronounced. "You had an 'Auntie,' right? Hiyori told me a bit about her, about where you both grew up. Outer district, no shoes, dirt poor…but you were free. You had a community, no matter how small, somewhere you belonged. The fact that you had measurable reiatsu not only gave you a way out, it gave you a way to advance and have something like a better life. You had choices, limited though they were."

Only a bit of pink remained along the horizon now. The river had turned murky in the gathering twilight, as though confused by the shifting sky.

Kaede's eyes hardened. "I was never free. I had no choices. I went to the Academy because the alternative was wasting away in a detention facility surrounded by other undesirables who either hated me, feared me, wanted to use me, or had so completely lost their grip on reality they didn't know anyone else existed. I was taught early on through actions and examples that my place was to say 'thank you' for every scrap that Central 46 granted me and to mean it. I was privileged to be alive, and even that was conditional on my being whatever they wanted me to be. I didn't have a community, I didn't have 'friends;' at best, I had allies, advocates - people like Kisuke. So long as I followed the rules, they could help me. But any of them had to be ready to cut me down at a moment's notice."

The last bit of pink disappeared, and the water turned black - except for the thin sliver of silver moonlight that peeked through the clouds above.

"And then," Kaede said, watching the silver waver on the water's surface, "someone came along and told me that actually, nothing about my life so far was 'normal' or 'acceptable.' That I could and should seek more, want more. That person validated every bit of resentment and despair I'd tried to convince myself that I didn't actually feel, because what right did I have to feel such things? But they told me that I had the right to that and so much more. They saw me not as a monster, but as a person. With them, I was no longer alone."

She didn't say how easy it had been, how quickly he'd gotten past her decades' worth of defenses - and how right it felt when he did. There were times when he seemed to know what she was thinking or feeling without her having to say a word. To be so seen, so known by someone, and to believe that she saw and knew him in turn…there were no words for how intoxicating that was.

Even now, after everything, just thinking about those times…but she couldn't.

"So yes," she continued, voice hardening as she tried to shut herself off from those memories. "I knew from the start that he wanted something from me, wanted to use me in some way. I knew that on some level, his companionship was conditional. But I was starving, and he gave me exactly what I thought I needed at that time. He did more than just accept me; he helped me accept myself."

"Hiyori accepted you," Shinji said. "No conditions, no strings. Hell, she liked you."

Kaede shook her head, swallowing the lump forming in her throat. "You think I don't know that? Look - you wanted to know what I saw in him, and I told you as best I could. If you're just trying to make me feel guilty over things I already hate myself for, you can fuck right off."

"Jeez…" Shinji stood and wiped at the grass stains on his pants. "I forget how much you two are alike sometimes…no wonder you got along back then."

Her heart clenched hard at that small observation.

"Well, I dunno about you," Shinji said, stretching his back. "But we're gonna be joining this fight. Hiyori's already started training the kid to work with his inner Hollow - he's a fast learner."

Kaede couldn't stop herself from cracking a tiny smile. "Hiyori's training him? Poor boy."

"Yeah, she's puttin' him through his paces, but we ain't got time for a gentler hand." Shinji glanced down at her. "What're you plannin' to do when all Hueco Mundo breaks loose? You stayin', or what?"

Kaede started picking at the grass again, the blades now taking on the deep blue of twilight. "I don't know yet."

"Of course." He shook his head. "She doesn't hate you as much as you think, you know. As things stand, you might actually have a chance of makin' amends. Small one, but it's there."

He turned to leave. "But if you leave again, you got no chance at all. Just sayin'."

So…

Gotta love some banter between those two girls! Here's hoping they'll get to go back to that in the present. Hmm…and how sincere do you think Aizen was being with Kaede when he said those things (especially given the glimpse into his thoughts we got last chapter)?

Next Time: Touch. A more…*intimate* reunion for Kaede and Sousuke; a small dip into her early time in the Nest; and a jump to the end of the Academy years, when Kaede gets some unwelcome news…

Sorry, too sleepy to come up with a better preview - plus, I need to make some adjustments to the next chapter over this week that *might* wind up changing some of the content. Still gonna have an intimate moment, though, and it WILL be between our leads ;) So as always, comments are loved and cherished (and largely responded to - I love talking to y'all!) and of course…

Stay Tuned!