Chapter 2
The dream was almost always the same.
He stood on the edge of a lake. Behind him there was a home. A log house built in part by him, his hands roughened by the wood. He knew every inch of the house. The deck outside and the barbeque that still held lingering scents of the last steak he had grilled. In front of him a small jetty jutted out into the lake. He took a step, felt wood shift underneath his feet. His footsteps echoed around him as he walked to the end of the jetty. He bends down, running a hand through the water. It was ice cold, not entirely uncomfortable. Out in the lake, the water rippled. A kingfisher stooped down, gliding across the water. Eyes searching and he watched it disappear into the woods on the other side.
He sat down, feet dangling just above the water. He leaned back, hands on the jetty. The wind caressed his face, stirring his hair as it playfully danced around him. He looked up at the blue sky. Took a deep breath and enjoyed the smell of the water and soil and the feeling of being safe. Protected. He closed his eyes, tilting his head into the sun. Felt the rays warm his skin.
He heard a voice and he opened his eyes and turned towards the person that had called him. Blond hair, blue eyes…
He jerked awake. For one confusing instant he tried to capture the image of the person from his dream. Then pain flared again, a tight spot just above his hip and he realised that it was a kick even while he rolled away into a crouch, his hands raised defensively in front of him.
Crap, crap, crap, crap.
He shouldn't have let himself fall asleep like that. This was his own fault. He knew better. He took stock. There were four men. One of them is Joruus. He knew that this wasn't going to go well. Knew that Joruus had an axe to grind. Hated his guts for some reason. He braced himself. He rose, hands held in a placating manner in front of him.
"Look, I don't want any trouble, okay."
Joruus sneered, indicating slightly with his head at the men. Two of them encircled him, forcing him to take a step back, so that he was flush against the wall.
"How come you're still alive?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "Lucky, I guess."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Joruus folded his arms. "You know what I think? I think that you're a lying, stinking rat."
He hedged his bets by not replying. A moment later the men pounced.
He tried. He really did. He was pretty sure he had broken one of the men's arms, and had left another with a bloody eye. But he was already weakened, had not eaten in a day and had just spent the night playing hide-and-seek with a bunch of Jackal guards.
Fists slammed into his body and as he sank to his knees they used their feet. He felt a rib crack, felt each pounding as it created more bruises. For a moment he wondered why he even bothered, why not just give in and let it all go.
But he had made a promise.
And he always kept his promises.
Bellowing, he rose and managed an uppercut that had Joruus staggering backwards, creating an opening. He took it, stumbling through the gap he'd created and then he ran for the gaping hole in the wall. He grabbed the ledge, holding on to the crumbling wall and he stared at the ground, two stories down. Behind him he heard Joruus swear.
"You're so fucking dead for that."
He glanced backwards.
Joruus was fumbling with his pocket and then a wicked looking knife made its appearance. His eyes flew to it, recognizing something familiar in its curved lines.
"Death will only offer a temporary escape. I can revive you again and again…a thousand times if need be. Only once you have told me everything I ask; will you be allowed to die."
He didn't have time to process the creepy voice in his head. Joruus stepped towards him, the knife held expertly in his hand. He knew enough to realise that unless he jumped, death would be an option that he just wasn't in the mood to take.
He took a deep breath and then he was in the air. The litany of some distant instructor's voice sounded inside his head, telling him to tuck and roll. Then the ground was there. He felt his ankle twist and his roll became a tumble of legs and arms. He tasted dirt, gagged, and spat as he tried to get rid of the gritty metallic taste in his mouth. He heard Joruus scream. Not giving himself time, he managed to make it to his feet and then he was hobbling away, hand against the wall to help keep his body upright.
"Don't come back, ya hear!"
Yeah, yeah, like he'd wanna sleep in that rat hole by choice.
He was halfway down the alley he had traversed the previous night before he sank down the wall and took a good look at his ankle. It was swollen, shiny and turning blue very rapidly. He wiggled his toes, felt the pull of muscle but he had enough experience to know that it's gonna be sore for a while but at least it wasn't broken.
The thundering boom of death glider had him hug the wall as he nervously eyed the small opening of sky above him. He wiped his face with a trembling hand as the echo of the glider faded away.
And just like that another memory surfaced.
"Ah, fer crying out loud."
"Sir?"
"Couldn't we for once land on a planet that had a nice balmy beach with cocktails?"
"Statistically speaking, Sir we should hit one of those in the next hundred cycles."
He gave her his most sarcastic stare but it was lost on her or she was immune to it by now. He eyed the panorama before him. The MALP stood to the side, wheels steady on rock. The arm in resting position, the camera pointing to the south that showed the empty expanse of rock and cactus interspersed with sandy soil where dry grass stuck out like Bart's hairdo.
The gate was set on a bluff overlooking the desert. The wind had a cold nip to it that belayed the harsh desert-like look in front of him. He had always hated wide open spaces. In his experience it always ended up with someone getting killed.
He wasn't about to let one of his team go that route.
"Jack, you should see this."
Daniel stood at the backside of the gate, away from the MALP and his team. He stepped carefully over the uneven ground that was interspersed with shard like stones. The excited archaeologist was at least fifty feet ahead. He lengthened his stride, Teal'c and Carter in tow.
"Daniel, wait up…" he started to say. Glanced back to make sure the other two were following. One of these days he will have a good talk with Daniel. Explain to him again that you couldn't just go exploring without identifying hazards.
"I think…yes. See here, Jack." Daniel was pointing at a square rock, set at an angle on the ground. He squinted, managed to see some wiggly lines flow over the rock face. He raised both eyebrows at Daniel.
"This is from the Ancients, Jack. And look over here," Daniel moved off. A broken piece of pillar lay split in three on the ground. A few feet away, there was one that still stood partway, most of it broken off leaving a jagged piece that pointed to the sky. More wiggly lines interspersed with the familiar pictograms of Egypt around the surface of the stone, some still retaining colouring of blue and green. Most of it faded to a dull grey, barely legible.
"See, hieroglyphics." Daniel was almost jumping out of his skin, his eyes expressive as he pointed out the pictograms. "This could be a Rosetta stone. Do you understand what it means, Jack?"
"How many are we carrying back to the gate?" He asked. "They look heavy, Daniel. Take photos."
He stepped into the ruined temple, the walls long gone and crumbled to dust. Daniel's columns are the only real evidence – well that and the great big slap of floor that he stood on. Daniel was kneeling beside one, hands tracing the wording. Jack moved forward, stepping past the bush that clung to the edge of the floor.
He almost groaned when he saw the city in the distance with the nice big ha'tak seated in the centre of it. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as he eyed the immediate surroundings for any sign of Jaffa guards.
Usually there would be a posse of them guarding the gate. It worried him that they had come through unmolested. He turned to his 2IC. Indicated the gate as he stepped back into the open temple.
"Carter, dial us out of here."
"Aw, come on Jack." Daniel had risen. Arms crossed across his chest. He raised an eyebrow.
"We're leaving. Now." He moved his finger onto the trigger and tightened his grip on the P-90. Daniel's eyes widened and he finally seemed to realise that something was wrong. He stepped away, closer to the edge of the west side of the temple that jutted out over the escarpment so he could go around the fallen column he had been inspecting. Teal'c was already on guard, his staff weapon up and ready for any attack. Daniel had taken two steps when O'Neill heard the familiar wine of a staff weapon.
He watched the energy hit Daniel square in the chest and before Jack could do anything, the archaeologist was flung backwards off the bluff, disappearing from view. Teal'c was returning fire to the Jaffa guards that were rising like ghosts from the ground as Jack dove over the column and hit the ground, scrambling his way forward to lean over the edge.
Daniel was a hazy broken body, splayed out on the rocks about a mile down the cliff.
Dammit Daniel.
He turned only to watch Teal'c's body dance under multiple hits. Carter was running towards them, her P-90 sounding loud in the surrounding stillness. He screamed at her to go back to the gate.
Instead, he watched her die.
He rose from his position by the cliff, his weapon already hot in his hands as he attacked. The first staff blast didn't slow him down as he killed two Jaffa. The second came as a surprise. He felt it as a burst of heat and then a numbness of cold. He looked down to see a wide blossoming of red on his thigh.
But he kept going because his team was dead and it was his fault.
The third hit him in the shoulder as he killed another guard.
Pins and needles danced across his arm and as he tried to pull the trigger with an unresponsive hand and the fourth blast hit him square in the stomach.
He sank down to his knees as blood bubbled out of his mouth.
He heard the scream of death gliders as he slid forward, all energy gone out of his body. He managed to roll onto his back and saw the shadow of a glider as it hovered overhead.
Then he died.
He took a deep shuddering breath as the images fled from him. He had a recollection of pain and loss.
Of losing…friends.
He glanced down the alley to where he had come from. Satisfied that Joruus and his buddies weren't about to sneak up on him, he rose shakily as he willed his body to recover from the memory. He hated the tremor in his hands, so he shoved them into the pockets of his jacket as he hobbled his way towards the street.
Early morning traffic had him dodging horse drawn carts and other pedestrians that were intent on getting to work. He kept his head down as he slowly made his way towards the eastern part of the city where Seth lived. He used the back alleys whenever he came to a checkpoint on his route.
It took him around thirty minutes before he reached his destination.
He stood outside the stalls waiting for the owner to acknowledge him. He leaned tiredly against the wall, favouring his left ankle as he did so.
"You're late."
He looked up, eyes meeting Seth's. "Had some trouble."
Seth looked him up and down and then his eyes softened. "There's some bread and water in the last stall. So go on, get."
He swallowed at the unexpected generosity of the other man. Nodding to hide the sudden moisture in his eyes, he shuffled his way quickly past the owner mumbling thanks. He found the bread and water where Seth had indicated. Breaking the bread in half, he shoved one into his pants pocket and then savoured the rest slowly as he allowed the food to fill his belly. Even though it was a little old and dry, it tasted like heaven.
He was still hungry after the meagre half was done but he didn't touch the rest.
The rest of the bread was for tonight.
He spent the rest of the day mucking out crap, bringing in clean hay and straw, refilling water troughs and brushing old Bess. When he was done, the horse muzzled his hand. He leaned his head against the horse's neck, feeling the warmth of life beneath his fingertips. For a brief moment he felt safe.
Seth paid him for the day's work and he left the stalls only to sneak back when Seth retired to his house that was nestled at the back of the stalls.
He settled himself in Bess' stall, huddling under the straw as the familiar footsteps of the guards starting their patrols lulled him to sleep.
That night he dreamed again of blue skies, the house and the lake. This time when he turned, he saw her. She had blond hair. Blue eyes met his and she was saying his name.
The one he had forgotten.
Her hand reached out and he felt her hand on his face, caressing his cheek. She smiled and it lit up her eyes in a way that made everything inside him feel good and right. He tilted his head but as always, she broke contact and stepped past him. He turned, watched as she dove into the water. Swam with strong strokes to the other side of the lake.
Slowly mist creeped out over the water. The sky darkened and the wind caressing his face turned into ghostly fingers that slipped across his skin like oil.
The whispers started.
He closed his eyes. Sank down on the jetty and let it roil over him. Surrounding his body until everything was dark and he felt nothing anymore except sadness and fear.
But then she came back. Her hand caressed his hair where he lay with his head in her lap. He turned onto his side, nestling closer to her. He reached out, pulled her arm across and hugged her arm to his chest. The mist lifted, drifting away and then the blue skies were back. The warmth of the sun on his face again.
He woke up wishing with all his heart that she was real. But he knew better. Reality is all but a poor imitation of what can be.
And who would want a broken man anyway.