A/N: This is it, folks - the "season finale," so to speak! The next chapter will be up in two weeks. For now, before we begin, a little reminder:
Mono no Aware: Japanese idiom with many inexact translations, including "pathos of things" or "empathy for ephemera." The mixed feeling of gentle sadness and wistful joy one experiences knowing that nothing stays the same; everything is impermanent and, ultimately, without inherent meaning beyond what we give it. And that is why it's beautiful.
It was quiet - unnaturally so. No birds or insects existed to create an ambient soundscape; even the occasional gust of wind did little to upset the utter stillness. The sky was blacker than any night sky Kaede had seen, lit only by the inverted crescent moon that hung high above them.
This was Hueco Mundo - the land of the Hollows.
"We shouldn't be here," she whispered, goosebumps trailing up and down her skin. Everything about this place felt wrong - the silence, the stillness, even the way the sand felt beneath her sandaled feet. The marks of her seals prickled and almost seemed to itch, as though something in the air irritated them.
"It's all right," Sousuke said. "We're perfectly safe. There isn't a Hollow for miles around."
"But they'll sense us-"
"They probably will, eventually."
"How are you so calm about this?!"
He cupped her cheek. "Because there's nothing to fear."
She swatted his hand away. "That makes no sense!"
"Do you want to go back to the way things were?"
"No, but-"
"Then embrace this chance," Sousuke said. "You can't hurt anyone here."
Kaede shook her head. "I could hurt you."
He took her wrists in his hands and traced the seals with his thumbs, his touch sending little shivers under her skin. "Nothing will go wrong. It's just an examination. Like I said, I won't attempt an adjustment until I fully understand the seals."
She swallowed, trying to stamp down her fears. He was right, there was no one here she could hurt - except for Sousuke himself. The very idea of injuring him or worse made her feel physically ill.
Then she remembered cradling Hiyori's broken body and the utter powerlessness she'd felt facing that Hollow. She couldn't let that happen again - not when she had resources at her disposal to do something about it.
"Okay," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Let's do this."
Sousuke kissed her forehead, lingering there a moment. "That's my woman."
He let go of her wrists and backed away. "Bakudo 61: Rikujokoro."
By the time Kaede registered what he'd just said, the six beams of the spell had already slammed into her midsection. She tried to move her legs, her arms, anything - to no avail. She couldn't even speak, reduced to silently begging Sousuke with her widened eyes to explain what the hell he was doing.
"I apologize for this," he said, though his expression never wavered. "But it is necessary. Any movement may disrupt the process, and I don't wish to harm you accidentally."
Panic welled up in her, making her heart pound in her ears. No…this was wrong. Tessai never had to do this to examine the seals!
Sousuke came up and methodically loosened her obi and adjusted the top of her kimono, exposing her shoulders and upper chest. In the center, just above her breasts, the chain-like patterns of the seals converged in an intricate knot over her saketsu area - the organ that boosted a Shinigami's power. From that knot, the chains extended along her torso and limbs, crossing the reiatsu vents at her wrists and meeting again at an identical pattern on her back over her hakusui point - the source of her spiritual energy.
Sousuke's fingers lingered over the saketsu knot, his touch as light as a butterfly's wing. "It's truly a marvel of Kido engineering, marrying the medical arts with those of binding…but it is time for them to go."
Kaede's heart skipped a beat. Did he mean - but he said he'd only study them! The image of that mutilated inmate flashed before her eyes, his face replaced with Sousuke's. No - no, that couldn't happen, he couldn't be doing this!
"Your heart is pounding," he observed, his fingers shifting to the left side of her chest. "I know what you must be thinking right now: that I'm no better than the old men who forced these upon you, or that person in the Nest who tried to tamper with them. But I am not here to bind you, nor is my interest in the seals themselves. My only interest is in freeing you."
A tear fell down her cheek as she begged him with her eyes to stop, screamed in her head that he didn't know what he was doing.
Sousuke caught the tear with his thumb, something almost soft in his usually hard, empty eyes. "You've been held back for so long…it has pained me to see you so stunted. I know you are afraid of what you can do, but I am not. It's time you found out for yourself what you're truly capable of."
He moved to her side and spread his hand over top of the saketsu knot. Then he laid his other hand on her back, where the hakusui knot sat.
"I bow to the four cardinals," he chanted. "The four noble guardians that encase the world."
Kaede's body erupted in white-hot electric currents. It felt like the chains of the seals were squeezing her limbs, her organs, her very essence, and she couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, and it was so much worse than that last time because she couldn't get away -
Sousuke's voice sounded distant, though she knew he was right beside her. "To the West, the Great White Tiger guards the iron gate that repels. At dusk, open the door."
The continuous chain of the "Repel" seal burned brighter and hotter than the rest, scorching her skin and tissue down to her bones - and then, it began to break apart, the links disintegrating, and for a second, she could breathe, everything felt more loose, like she'd taken off a restrictive piece of clothing and oh gods she could feel everything! Energy rushed into the gaps left by the broken seal, filling her wells to overflowing and there was just so much and it couldn't flow right around the blocks from the other seals -
"To the East, the Azure Dragon surrounds and encases, suppressing the spring shoots. At dawn, release what must grow."
"Suppress" came free, allowing energy to swirl freely through her system, foreign and familiar at the same time, potent, primal, furiously pushing at the rest of the seals. Kaede struggled again to move, to fight the Kido, to rein in all that energy, to do something-
"To the North, the Black Tortoise halts the raging rivers. Winter ice, at midnight, melt and flow freely."
Her eyes rolled back as the "Bind" was undone. She could feel it all now - the unfathomable depth of her wells, the overwhelming vortex of power that flooded to fill them - she had to warn Sousuke, tell him to stop, to run, to get away from her -
"To the South, the Vermillion Bird brings the cleansing fire. The sun climbs the peak. At midday, stomp out the flame."
-and then that power was no longer tamed by "Neutralize;" it took shape, and she tried desperately to grab it and hold it in -
She could move again, no longer bound by the pillars of light. Kaede stumbled away from Sousuke, holding her torso as though that would keep the energy in.
"What did you do?!" she shrieked. "This wasn't - I can't-"
"It's all right," he said calmly. "Just let go."
"NO!" Kaede backed away from him, her steps faltering in the sand. She tried to hold it all in, had to for at least another second, but it was so much and it wanted to get out! "Get out of here! You have to get away from me!"
But he simply stood there, a small, calm smile on his lips…watching.
She had to run. She had to get the hell away from him, but she could barely stand straight! No longer held in place by the seal, the whirling vortex in her core expanded, threatening to swallow everything around her - around both of them. Oh gods, she was going to kill him, the one person who mattered more than anyone, and she was going to kill him!
"Please," she begged - though whether to him, to herself, or to the nameless power within her, she wasn't sure. "Please - I can't - I can't-"
She couldn't contain it anymore. The vastness of it - it had to be let out!
With a strangled scream, she fell to her knees. It left her in a shock wave, fanning out and decimating everything in its wake. She felt it all as it happened, as the grains of sand, even the molecules in the air became void. Infinite. Limitless. It was so much, that feeling, too vast to comprehend. She was lost in it, her very sense of self scattering with the particles of everything around her like petals in the wind.
But then…she began to see things. No, she understood things. How each individual grain of sand was first formed, how they transformed over time, becoming part of other matter, then separated, then combined and gathered again. She reached out with her consciousness, and the particles reformed again, guided now by the hint of a memory to become something new.
Yet at their core, they were still those same grains of sand. Those grains…all she was doing was changing them. Always existing, yet never static. A realm of infinite possibility, the culmination of all that came before and all that could be after, all contained in a single particle…it was all so familiar, like something she'd dreamed of before but had forgotten upon waking. Like reuniting with a long-lost friend.
Kaede…
Kaede gasped. The voice, soft as a cloud yet vast as the sky, came to her from everywhere. No - it came from within her, reverberating in her bones like the lingering strike of a gong.
With a start, she realized she was no longer in the desert of Hueco Mundo. All around her was infinite blackness, dotted with stars and smeared with galaxies like a painting. Yet nothing stayed still. She saw the birth and death of a star in no more than a blink, felt the staggering impermanence of something that usually seemed so static and eternal. Another replaced it before she had time to process the first, and so on, until she had to close her eyes against the dizzying cosmos.
Kaede…
Her eyes snapped back open. "Who's there?"
I am here…
Spinning around, Kaede tried to locate the source of the voice, but it seemed to have no origin. "Where are you? Who are you?"
The world changed abruptly, and instead of a cosmos, she was standing in a grove of flowering trees. Even the silence had a different quality now, no longer overwhelming and vast but close and peaceful. Kaede looked around her, the faint scent of sakura blossoms teasing her nose as she did. This place…it was familiar. She'd been here before, but - wait…was this the grove from the hanami she'd gone to with Sousuke a few years back?
"It is what it appears to be," she heard. "And it is not. It is all, and it is nothing."
The voice - it had more substance now, and it came from behind her. There, sitting beneath a suspiciously familiar weeping sakura tree, was…someone.
They seemed human, kneeling beneath a familiar-looking weeping sakura tree, though she couldn't tell if they were male or female. Their figure was obscured by the rippling swaths of silk of an old-style kimono that could have been worn by either gender. Their skin was opalescent, their hair pitch-black and long, seeming to melt into their surroundings. Their eyes were blacker still, twin pools of the cosmic darkness she'd been standing in seconds before, and though there were no discernable whites or irises, they seemed to be slightly downcast, framed by crystalline lashes. A thin streak of black went down each soft cheek, like the trail of a tear that had recently fallen; their painted lips turned up ever-so-slightly at the corners in a wistful smile that turned their expression to one of gentle sadness.
A strange sense of recognition washed over Kaede as she took in the figure's appearance. She was certain she'd never seen this…person?…before, and yet there was something familiar about them, like a face she'd seen in a long-forgotten dream.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"You already know who I am." The figure spoke without moving their mouth, but Kaede heard their voice clearly. "It has been a long time, Kaede…or perhaps it has not yet."
Kaede blinked and shook her head. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Then she noticed something in the figure's lap. It had been nearly obscured by the folds of color-shifting silk, but now that Kaede was staring directly at it, it took on a more defined shape: Long, slender, ever-so-slightly curved, the dark steel of its blade reflecting the cosmos she'd just been standing in.
A sword.
Kaede's eyes rose back to the figure's strange, ageless face, a tear falling down her own cheek. "You're…my Zanpakuto…"
The figure's head tilted a bit to the side, the first real movement it had made yet. "I am many things…I am nothing. Though if you prefer that label, I will adopt it."
Kaede was beside herself, awash in more emotions than she could readily name. She finally did it - she was finally talking to her Zanpakuto spirit! She really did have one! She wanted to laugh, to cry, to jump with joy and fall to her knees.
"Call yourself whatever you like," Kaede gushed to the spirit. "I'm just so happy to finally meet you! What do I call you?"
"You already did."
Kaede shook her head. Maybe the spirit hadn't understood? "No - I mean, what's your name?"
"Name?" it mused. "Do I need a name?"
Kaede's stomach dropped. "Well…yes. You're supposed to have one, aren't you? How do I use you if you don't have a name?"
"Use me?" The spirit sounded mildly confused. "How does one use the breath in their lungs? Or the blood in their veins? Is it not simply there, fulfilling its function without one's direct control?"
"But I need to control my power," Kaede insisted, voice tinged with desperation. "Please - if I can't, I could hurt people, kill people…"
She trailed off as she started to remember the circumstances that had brought her here in the first place. Hueco Mundo, Sousuke, the seals breaking, her spirit energy condensing like that newborn star only to explode outward -
"Oh no," she gasped, her hand coming to her mouth. "What did I do - Sousuke -"
"The one who unbound us," said the figure. "You are attached to him. Even the appearance of this place reflects that."
Kaede looked at them again, realization slamming into her like a crashing wave. This was her inner world, and she was speaking to her Zanpakuto spirit, all because Sousuke had succeeded in breaking all of the seals. She'd waited for this moment for so long, yet all she wanted to do was break back out of this place and make sure he was alive.
"Please," she begged the figure, falling to her knees before them. "Please, I need to know he's okay, and I need to know that I won't hurt anyone anymore!"
The figure's sad, void-like eyes showed neither pity nor judgment. "You cling to this notion of 'control.' Why?"
"I told you! I could kill people if I don't control it!"
"You control nothing," said the spirit in a soft, matter-of-fact tone. "When you come to understand that, you will know the First of the Threefold Truth."
The spirit began to recede as the world around them dissolved back into the cosmos. Kaede scrambled to her feet. "Wait - please! Just tell me your name!"
But the figure was no bigger than the pinpoints of light sent by the distant stars. Kaede felt herself falling; she tried to regain her footing, but the ground had vanished.
You already know who I am…
The spirit's voice echoed in her mind, and though Kaede tried to reach for it, there was nothing to find. Her mind provided no answers, her reiatsu found no foothold, there was nothing to grab onto, and she was falling, falling forever with no end in sight…
"Kaede."
Her eyes fluttered open. She was no longer falling; her body was solid once more, cradled in something warm and familiar. That voice - it wasn't the spirit's, but deeper, masculine…
"Sousuke?" Kaede shot up in his arms, grabbing hold of his shoulders, touching his face, his chest, anything to prove to herself that he was truly here. "You're - but how-"
He smirked. "I am not as fragile as some."
She couldn't believe her eyes, even as they welled with tears of relief. He was here, she hadn't destroyed him - hadn't even injured him, by the looks of it. His glasses were cracked, and his hair had been pushed back, but otherwise…he was whole.
Kaede shook her head in disbelief. "What…so nothing happened?"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," he replied, amusement shining in his eyes. "Look around."
She tore her eyes from him but kept clinging to his kimono, scared that he might cease to exist if she had no point of contact. When she saw the world around them, her breath caught in her throat.
What moments ago had been vast, empty desert was…changed. There'd been no trees before, nor any sign of life; now, they were in a white, crystalline grove. Kaede stood and reached up to one of the branches. It crumbled under the lightest touch, the pieces falling to the ground. Even the ground itself was different: Rather than pure sand beneath her feet, small, delicate blades emerged, almost like…
"Grass?" she whispered, bending down to run her hand through the substance. Rather than crack like the tree branch, the tiny blades bent and gave way under her fingers. "Where are we? What happened?"
"You happened," Sousuke answered. "We haven't gone anywhere. You did this. Your power is not simply destruction; it is deconstruction, and even that is only part of it. I believe what Urahara theorized has some truth to it: your power breaks things down to their most fundamental pieces, but it also can reform them."
She did this? Kaede recalled her deep sense of understanding from that one grain of sand, though already it was fading like a dream. "How…? I only destroyed things before…why now…?"
"My theory?" Sousuke came to stand beside her. "Again, Urahara may be correct about some things: There seems to be something within you that not only produces spiritual energy, but draws it in from the surroundings. When you came to Soul Society as a child, the shock of being thrust into a world with so much ambient reishi overloaded your immature system, forcing your body to violently release it. Because you were so young, and your system so underdeveloped, not only could you not control the process, you couldn't withstand it to its completion; therefore, it stopped at deconstruction."
Her heart trembled as it always did at the mention of the Catastrophe, the cold, clinical explanation bringing her little in the way of solace for what happened. On paper, this began to make sense, but she couldn't get past the fact that she had destroyed people.
"They were right to bind me," she uttered in a shaking voice. "I couldn't control it - I still can't, I don't know how I did all this…"
"If that is so," Sousuke began, calm as ever, "if you truly had no control over it, then how do you explain what we're standing in?"
He waved his hand, indicating the crystalline trees around them. At first she was confused, but then…Kaede recognized the scenery. She looked again at one of the nearest branches. There, delicate and sharp, was a shape like a flower with five petals: A sakura blossom. In her mind, she colored the trees so that they were lush with pale blossoms that filled the air with their sweet-tart fragrance.
Had she recreated a bit of her inner world - that reflection of the hanami - here in Hueco Mundo?
She shook her head. "I don't know how I did any of it, I just…did…"
She trailed off. How does one use the breath in their lungs? Or the blood in their veins? Is it not simply there, fulfilling its function without one's direct control?
Then…how did she do this? It had been as natural as breathing. She hadn't intended to make a grove or anything else out of the particles she saw. Her power had created an emptiness around them, and then…it must have filled that void with something new, formed from the same material that was already there. It had balanced itself out in the end.
"The question you should be asking," Sousuke continued, "is this: If you were truly incapable of controlling your natural power, why is it that since that outburst, your reiatsu has been completely stable?"
She stopped in her tracks, eyes widening as she realized…he was right. There was no pressure begging to be released; her energy circulated freely for the first time that she could recall. The strange itching she'd felt when they first came here was gone, and the air, while it was certainly different from that of Soul Society, felt…better, somehow. Less offensive, at least. She felt lighter, too, like she'd shed a heavy, constricting piece of clothing.
Looking down at her arms, seeing her skin clear of black marks…this lightness was the absence of the seals. She'd borne them for so long that she no longer remembered how it felt to be without them…to be free.
Yet it still felt unreal. How was she stable now, when just moments ago she'd been overwhelmed?
"The seals were doing more harm than good," Sousuke said, as though reading her mind. "Taking them off was a shock to your system, but your body was meant to bear this sort of power; it just had to grow into it."
But it had still done…whatever she was looking at around them. It had still burst from her and altered the very space around them, and it had done so without her direct intent.
Kaede turned to Sousuke again. "How are you still here? I wasn't in control, not really…you should have…"
She couldn't bring herself to say it: He should have died, been reduced to the same particles as everything else…just like in the Catastrophe.
He smiled again. "I told you: I am not as fragile as some."
With that statement, he released the full strength of his own reiatsu - and Kaede finally understood.
The weight of his presence was crushing. This wasn't just standing under a waterfall; this was the entire ocean coming down in a single, massive wave. It should have made it impossible to breathe or move - and yet Kaede felt perfectly at ease. He was strong, so much stronger than she could've imagined…but so was she. Her own reiatsu pressed up against his, unwavering, unhindered, meeting and matching his like it was the most natural thing in the world. She tried flexing her hold on her energy, testing its volume and her grip on it. It was so much more than she was used to handling, yet for once…she wasn't afraid. The spirit was right, Sousuke was right: this was her power, and she was meant to wield it.
How could she be afraid of that?
She understood then, understood him. Why he hadn't been afraid of her when everyone else was. Why he'd brought her here, to this remote corner in another plane of existence. Why he'd completely undone the seals on her reiatsu, even though it was against her wishes.
He was just as alone as she was. If he had displayed this sort of power in Soul Society, even if it hadn't led to a disaster the way hers had, he'd have been marked as dangerous, just like her. She had that potential sealed away, and it still isolated her. He had to hide his own from everyone around him, and that very fact isolated him.
He wasn't afraid of her - because he was just like her.
"How long?" Kaede removed the cracked glasses from his face. "How long have you been hiding?"
Sousuke reined his reiatsu back in with practiced ease. There was something strange in his expression, a distance in his eyes that drew her in. "For as long as I can remember."
His hand came to her cheek, and Kaede laid her own atop it, letting her eyes slide closed.
"You have no idea," he said, his voice low and rough, "how long I've waited for this. For an equal."
She could have said the same. How long had she yearned for this? She'd never believed much in the idea of a "soul mate," despite how enticing stories made it seem. The thought that there was one person in all the worlds that could fit perfectly into her own, whose whole existence was intrinsically linked to hers…she found it ridiculous, never allowed herself to dream that she might have one somewhere. Besides, in those stories, the people who had soul mates were the heroes and the damsels. She'd considered herself more akin to the monsters those characters had to slay in order to find each other.
Sousuke was no knight, and despite the prisons and bindings she'd endured, she was no damsel. But if she was going to believe in the idea, even for a second…
Just then, a violent, virulent hunger assaulted her senses - not coming from her, but from somewhere not far from them.
"Hollows," she said, her eyes snapping open. "Coming this way. Two are close."
"Ah…" Sousuke looked out over the desolate expanse, his eyes narrowing as he focused his own senses. "Menos classes, if I'm not mistaken."
Kaede's eyes widened. How had she misjudged their strength so blatantly? To her, they seemed little more than specks on her internal radar, barely even on the same level as the Huge Hollow that she and Hiyori had faced.
There must be something wrong with her senses if she'd made such an oversight, and if these really were Menos Grande…"We should go-"
"No." The smile he gave her was full of dark promises, sending a tingling thrill down her spine. "Let's see what you can really do."
She wanted to argue - sure, she had no limits on her power now, but she didn't actually know how to use it! A thousand 'what-ifs' swarmed her mind, threatening to paralyze her with indecision.
Sousuke walked forward without hesitation or fear. His composure reassured her, and once the doubts quieted, she felt her own curiosity rise.
The first Hollow arrived without warning, its speed astonishing. It more closely resembled a regular Hollow than a Gillian, its form similar to that of a large bear. An Adjuchas, then - more intelligent than its towering black progenitors, but not as powerful as the highest and rarest class, Vasto Lorde. Adjuchas needed to consume constantly, or they'd regress to Gillians; it was no wonder this one had been attracted to their reiatsu.
It roared at them, releasing a wave of reiatsu that would have prostrated most Shinigami.
Sousuke didn't even flinch.
"You don't need Shikai to kill a Hollow," he said, as though he were instructing her in a class. "Though it's certainly easier when you know your Zanpakuto's name. Just focus your reiatsu through your blade…"
He unsheathed his Zanpakuto. A single strike - that was all he did, and the edge of his blade didn't even make contact with the monster. Rather, energy itself sliced up through the Hollow's body and straight through its mask. The beast gave a final roar before its form dissolved into dust.
Sousuke sheathed his sword and turned to her with the same smile. "Your turn."
The second Adjuchas was running toward them on all fours, its movements more beastial. This one had a reptilian figure, its tongue hanging from its skull-like mask. It stopped several yards away and whipped its tongue toward her; Kaede jumped out of the way at the last second. The tongue retracted easily, and the burning eyes within the elongated mask swiftly found her again. It reared up on its hind legs and, instead of whipping its tongue out again, opened its mouth wide.
Kaede froze. It was gathering energy - this was a Cero blast!
She didn't think, didn't try to move out of its way. She merely held up a hand, trusting some primordial instinct. Her reiatsu pulsed as the Cero shot out. She could feel its potency, its destructive potential rushing at her.
The Cero hit her reiatsu, but it may as well have been a gust of wind hitting a mountainside. For a second, Kaede stood there, amazed at how…easy this was. Wasn't the Cero supposed to be a deadly one-shot if it hit?
This was nothing.
She struck her hand out to the side, and the energy redirected into the empty distance.
The Hollow seemed taken aback. Kaede imagined it hadn't met many creatures that could withstand its attacks; it probably even used its low-class appearance to trick its prey into complacency. She wanted to laugh. Just moments ago, she'd feared this thing. Now, she realized the truth.
This thing was not the predator here. She was.
Kaede gripped the hilt of her Zanpakuto and felt her energy rush into the blade with abandon. For the first time, she felt true connection with it.
You already know who I am.
Yes…she'd always known. It was there when she was a child, reaching out to grasp another balloon animal in hopes of prolonging its existence rather than ending it. It was there when she read a compelling story that she didn't want to finish for fear of leaving its world behind. And it was there at the hanami, in that moment of realization that her near-perfect day would have to end: that wistful sadness, that truth that permeated all of existence.
The name flowed from her lips as smoothly as silk, a whisper on a breeze that had at last reached her ears - and with it, the incantation that would give it form and substance.
"Wither…Mono no Aware."
Energy took shape around and within the Zanpakuto, smoothing and sharpening the blade as it sang free of the scabbard. She had no fear of losing control; she was that energy. She owned it, lived it, breathed it. For the first time in her life, she felt whole, unhindered, and it was glorious.
The Hollow shrank back from her, returning to all fours as it buckled under the weight of her reiatsu. Kaede could feel the fear wafting off of it like a putrid stench, the terror as it realized the impermanence of its own existence. On a whim, she flexed her power, forcing its head down to the sand, making it seem to bow before her.
"That's better," she muttered as an almost sadistic sense of satisfaction washed over her. She raised her sword. Calling her energy into it was as easy as inhaling, its release when she brought the blade down the natural exhale that followed. The Hollow roared, but it was the sound of a creature facing its own demise. Her power ripped through its body, attacking the very nucleus of its existence, unraveling the threads that bound it together until it was nothing.
No, not quite "nothing"…she could still feel it, feel the countless souls it had consumed in its damned existence lingering in the air. If she reached out, she could touch that energy, soak it up like a sponge, give it new life as a part of her being.
But she didn't want to do that just now. She was already full of power, and there was so much more she wanted to try.
She had a sudden impulse, an urge to spread her power even farther, to see if all the Hollows within her reach would react the same way. So she did, pushing her spirit energy as far out as it could go, for once not concerned over the consequences. There was Sousuke within her domain, safe inside his own bubble of reiatsu. Farther out, she felt other Hollows that had been coming toward them, drawn by their undying hunger - now frozen as they realized they were far outmatched. In a heady rush, Kaede realized that she wasn't just sensing their presences; she could feel the texture of their bone-like masks on her fingertips as though they were within easy reach…yet when she looked around her, she saw nothing.
You control nothing.
Nothing…a vast emptiness, an absence…but she'd seen in that grain of sand that all things were the same at their core, even the seemingly empty air. If everything was fundamentally the same and held no intrinsic meaning, then perhaps concepts such as "distance" also had no real meaning. She stood in this place, but how was that any different from being in any other place?
Kaede took her sword in both hands. You control nothing, the spirit had said…but now she wondered if there was another interpretation for that. Everything was the same, so none of it held intrinsic, independent meaning. It was all "nothing."
And she controlled nothing.
"First Truth," Kaede uttered, feeling the spirit speak through her, with her. "All is Void."
She slashed her Zanpakuto through the air around her, and within her field of awareness, Hollows dropped, their souls purified and freed at last from the cages of their forms. All had been touched by her blade, though she hadn't moved an inch.
"Exquisite," Sousuke whispered, eyes alight with a sort of wonder. "A power that transcends the limits of physical space…"
That explanation wasn't quite right, but she didn't try to correct him. She wasn't sure she could put this feeling into words herself. One thing she was sure of, though: This was just a taste of what her Zanpakuto was capable of. What she was capable of.
"How do you feel?"
Kaede breathed in, then out, and it was like cleansing her soul. She was calm, balanced, more stable than she'd ever felt in her life. She wasn't just energized; she was energy itself. Her entire being vibrated with it, floating on the understanding that she could call on it with a thought and release it with a breath.
"Amazing," she breathed, though the word failed to encompass the sensation.
She looked down at her sword, her Mono no Aware. It remained a katana, simple in form yet containing the promise of her full power. Pale, incandescent fabric wrapped around the dark hilt; the blade itself seemed made of shadow and starlight, and the tsuba blossomed around it like a lotus of obsidian steel. Even the scabbard at her side had transformed, taking on a deep, opalescent sheen that reminded her of the shifting cosmos she'd encountered in her inner world.
Sheathing the blade, she felt her power become more calm, like it was simply at rest for the time being. With it, the colors and appearance of the hilt, tsuba, and scabbard also settled into something more solid and static, muted in comparison to their released state.
But it was all still there - the potential, the whispers of infinite possibility, contained within a single grain.
Sousuke came closer, his own reiatsu wading through hers as he walked. "Do you still fear it?" He laid a hand on her chest, just over where the seal mark had once sat. "Your power?"
She shook her head, holding his gaze with her own. "No."
The truth of it sunk into her bones. For decades, centuries even, she'd been terrified of something that was an intrinsic part of her existence. She'd believed that it was bad and required control, that it should be locked away. That she needed to be locked away for having it.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
"You understand now," Sousuke said. "You never needed restraints. What you needed was freedom. This is your power, no one else's, and you are the one who determines its use."
She nodded, unable to form words. She was still too caught in the high, too buzzed with the need to do more, to push more. Sousuke's thumb traced over her lips, and she wanted to bite it, suddenly ravenous for - she didn't even know what. Her heart raced in her chest, her eyes wild against his colder, simmering gaze.
"Tell me what you want," he whispered, his breath hot against her face.
In that moment, she had no idea, only knew that she wanted, hungered, needed. "I want more."
Sousuke brought his other hand up to her neck, tracing her jawline as he tilted her head back. "I will give you everything."
She met his kiss with furious abandon, desperate with the need to devour all that he was and be consumed in turn. She took all that he gave her and returned it tenfold, challenging him, begging him with her lips and tongue and teeth to just try and conquer her. If he could do that, she would gladly allow it, her power recognizing its true superior; but there was no contest.
They were equal.
Every action confirmed it. Every flare of reiatsu meant to force the other down was met and matched. Kaede had long known that something dark lurked under the polite veneer Sousuke wore, had seen glimpses of it when they were alone together, but this - this was Aizen Sousuke unleashed at last, and she wanted more.
He gripped the back of her neck as though to subdue a wildcat, and she responded by tearing open his kimono and raking her nails down his exposed chest. She felt more than heard the groan he emitted at the act; it vibrated up her arms and straight to her core, and she grinned up at him, baring her teeth and daring him to retaliate. She wanted to see him come undone, to lose that perfect control he always exuded, to stop holding himself back and show her everything.
He devoured her lips again, stealing her breath away until she was weak in the knees. He was quick to take advantage, yanking off the obi that held her kimono closed and ridding her of the rich silk piece by piece. His eyes were sharp as glass as he took her in. He'd seen her naked before, but always with the Kido marking her skin, acting almost like a final layer she couldn't remove. Now, she basked in his attention, in the exquisite exposure of standing completely bare before him.
"Perfect," he breathed, and Kaede felt herself glow in response. "Absolutely perfect."
His hands encircled her slim waist, then moved upward, the drag of skin against skin making her arch into his hold.
"That's it," he whispered against her ear, raking his fingers over the sensitive skin of her breasts, making her shudder with need. "You should be worshipped like the goddess you are."
His lips traveled down her neck, his touch lighter than before yet no less tantalizing. Everywhere his hot mouth touched was left cold and exposed as he moved lower, making her shiver and dig her fingers into his shoulders. His tongue drew circles along her breasts, leaving raised goosebumps in its wake. All of it just made her want to pull him closer and be enveloped by his heat, but for now, she gave in to his lead.
She was a little surprised to open her eyes and see him kneeling before her, his gaze latching onto her own. Every kiss down her toned abdomen felt like an offering, the sound of his lips against her skin a soft hymn. Kaede once again wound her fingers in his wavy hair, but gently this time, benevolently.
"Lie back," he commanded, and she obeyed, sinking down atop their fallen clothes. She kept her eyes on his as he slowly parted her knees and began kissing up her inner thighs. Only when his mouth met her core did her eyes slide shut, head tilting back as a new wave of warmth and pleasure washed over her. She squeezed her breasts as he licked and sucked at her most intimate area, feeling neither embarrassment nor shame. No, she felt entitled to it, this pleasure as much rightfully hers as the power she'd unleashed.
He spread her further, his tongue dipping inside, then back up to encircle a nub of nerves that had her gasping. She felt him grin against her, knew that he was testing her, teasing her, seeing how far he could push her before she broke. Several more passes like that had her writhing in frustration, needing more than he was giving her - but he kept the same pace, letting her start to climb, then pulling the ladder out from under her.
Finally, Kaede growled and shot up, gripping his hair in both hands and pulling him up to face her.
"You said you'd give me everything," she hissed.
He grinned at her, lips glistening with her arousal. "Take it, then."
Kaede latched onto his lips, tasting herself on him as her teeth tugged at his lower lip. She pushed him back and climbed astride him, undoing his hakama and reaching inside. When she felt the hot, velvety skin of his stiff erection, she decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. She started by slowly stroking him, reacquainting herself with his length and girth through touch before pulling him out into the open. She didn't shy from examining him as he had her, cupping the soft head, tracing a finger down the underside - an act that made him shudder. He reclined with his hands behind his head, the only sign of his excitement the darkening of his eyes as he watched her.
Oh, she wanted to ruin him.
Kaede slid between his legs until her breasts brushed the ground, holding his gaze the entire time - just as he'd done to her. Her pale gold eyes stared up at him through thick, dark lashes as she ghosted her lips up his shaft, letting just her warm breath touch the skin. She'd done this quite a few times with him before, though this was the most confident she'd ever felt going in. Her tongue flicked out to tease and taste him, and still he was implacable, his stare imperious. She moved slowly over his cock, planting soft kisses and stroking it like a precious object. When she closed her lips over the head, he let out a satisfied sigh, his eyelids lowering ever-so-slightly. Her lips turned up at the corners, letting him know that she'd seen that small admission - and then, she took him fully into her mouth, working her way down a few inches before coming back up and repeating. Her tongue stroked him inside her mouth with each pass, and she could swear he grew harder every time she did. Closing her eyes, she moaned around him like he was a savory treat - though the real treat was the sharp hiss of his breath and the feel of his hand in her hair.
Kaede peeked up at him as she continued to bob up and down his length, satisfied to see his head thrown back, his eyes closed. When she kept still to take in his appearance, he lifted his hips, moving his cock within her mouth himself. Kaede hummed approvingly, lowering her head a bit more so that he teased her throat with each thrust.
That's it, she silently encouraged, pressing her tongue against him. I want to see you fall apart.
But first, she still owed him a bit of torture. Coming off his cock with a pop of her lips, Kaede kissed her way up his torso, tracing the ridges of his abdomen with her tongue and purposely pressing herself against his length. When she arrived at his mouth, she teased him, pulling back just before her lips made contact with his. Her thighs slid to either side of him, and his hands dragged up her legs to her apex, his fingers probing at her folds and dipping into her wetness.
"I told you," Sousuke said as the tip of his cock teased her entrance, "take it."
Oh, she wanted to - but she also wanted to win whatever game it was they now played. "Make me."
She expected him to draw this out, to refuse to give in - but Sousuke gave her a dark smile. "As you wish."
Kaede gasped and yelped as he flipped their positions and thrust straight into her, the intrusion sharp and unforgiving. Her arousal made his entry easier, but she was still tight and new to this, and the stretch of it burned.
"Is this what my goddess desired?" he asked, his tone mocking. He kissed her lips ever-so-softly, the gentleness at odds with the roughness of his actions.
Something about his tone reignited that competitive rage in her. She ground up against him, gritting her teeth against the raw ache in her core.
"Your goddess desires that you stop fucking around and actually fuck her already," she hissed, knotting her fingers in his hair and giving a harsh tug.
He grinned, a low laugh escaping his throat. "How vulgar…but I live to serve."
He started thrusting, slow, languid movements that gave her time to adjust.
"Better?" he asked in the same mocking tone.
She moaned, the ache mixing with shocks of pure bliss. "More."
Something feral lit up in his eyes, and then it was all she could do to breathe as he drove into her harder and faster.
"Yes," she gasped, one hand tangling in his hair while her other fingers dug into his shoulder blade. "Yes!"
She felt more than heard his growl as her nails scratched him, yelped when he sucked a bruise into the juncture of her neck and shoulder. She wanted it all, everything he had to give her, and she wanted him to take everything from her. Why had she been so hesitant about this before? She never wanted this to stop, wanted to keep chasing this primal imperative that drove her body to meet his again and again, needed to continue the hunt for that perfect peak.
Just as she was starting to lose herself in that transcendent pleasure, something nudged at the edge of her senses. She swore. "Hollows."
Sousuke's movements slowed, but didn't stop. "Ah…seems they didn't get the message earlier." He dipped down so his lips brushed her ear. "What do you say we give them a little reminder?"
He pulled her up so that she sat on his lap, his arms around her back, her legs around his waist. His reiatsu pulsed, filling the air around them with icy menace. Following his lead, Kaede let her own energy spread out again, harmonizing with his in perfect synchronicity.
They were the rulers here; all others take heed.
Sousuke's eyes lit up with an excitement she was only just getting used to seeing, and it made her want to ride him all the harder. Letting loose her energy again while in the throes of such incredible sensation spurred her on; she pulled him into a passionate kiss, wrapping herself around him, needing to feel him as close as possible as their combined reiatsu stretched out farther.
This was beyond sensation, beyond intoxication. Kaede was aware of everything - the Hollows that made the mistake of wandering too close, the perfect fit of Sousuke within her, even the incredible feedback of his own pleasure echoing through their reiatsu. For once, his face was entirely unguarded, and she was finally able to see into him, into the deep shadows and dangerous edges, to feel the devouring need that rivaled even the Hollows around them. The three worlds wouldn't be enough to satisfy his hunger, and right now, that hunger was entirely focused on her.
It was all too much. She fell over the edge, clutching at him, losing all sense of herself as her body exploded in unyielding currents of pure bliss. The sheer force of it extended outward, joining with Sousuke's energy to decimate the few Hollows within their field, reducing their bodies to spirit particles.
She came back to herself just as Sousuke reached his own peak, his grip almost bruising as he buried himself as deeply within her as he could. In that moment, his expression was no longer dark with greed and hunger, but softer, satiated. His gaze, usually something cold, sharp, and aimed at her, instead connected with her, seeking, uncertain, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Kaede stroked his hair back from his forehead, overcome with the strangest urge to comfort him, though for what she had no idea. Their power receded to their bodies, each with a novel sense of complete, utter peace.
She wanted to stay like this forever.
Alas, their bodies eventually began to protest. Slowly, they untangled their limbs and laid down atop their clothes, catching their breath as their skin cooled. Gazing up at the crescent moon over their heads, Kaede felt laughter bubble up from her stomach.
"What is it?" Sousuke asked when he heard her laughing.
"We just killed Hollows through the power of sex," she choked out between peels. "We literally fucking decimated them! I didn't even know that was possible!"
"I wouldn't put it in such vulgar terms," Sousuke said mildly, though his own lips turned up at the corners. "But I suppose you're right. Heightened emotions, and perhaps the release of certain hormones, certainly seem to have an interesting effect on one's reiatsu output."
"You know, when you talk about it like a scientist in a lab, it sounds far less sexy."
"You think so?" Sousuke rolled over so that he was hovering over her body. He dragged his fingertips up her side as he gazed down at her, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. "A proper experiment is one that can be repeated many times."
Kaede arched into his touch with a low moan. "So you're saying we'll have to do this again?"
"Again," he confirmed, dipping down to kiss her, "and again-" another kiss - "-and again…"
He started trailing kisses down her neck. Just as Kaede reached up to wrap her limbs around him and pull him fully on top of her again, he moved away.
"I do have some physical limits, though," he said, almost apologetically. "And you, love, have certainly stretched them today."
"Really? The great Aizen Sousuke is admitting defeat?"
"Hardly. I simply need some time to recover." He laid back with a thoughtful look on his face. "I've just never been able to let go of my restraints in such a way before. It's hardly something people like us could do freely in Soul Society."
With the mention of Soul Society, Kaede's mirth evaporated. Gone was the relief and ecstasy of being unbound, along with the pure bliss that she had shared with Sousuke. In their place, reality sank in.
"I can't go back," she whispered, sitting up and gripping her forearms. "I can't be sealed again - I won't."
"You would defy Central 46's orders?" Sousuke asked in a mild tone. "Leave Soul Society itself, just to be free?"
Her stomach clenched. She knew all too well how Soul Society dealt with rule breakers and deserters. If she ran, she'd spend the rest of her existence looking over her shoulder no matter where she went. While she could probably hold her own now against whatever Soul Society could throw at her, she didn't want to spend the rest of her life fighting - maybe even killing - other Shinigami just to keep her freedom. The system was broken, but the people within it weren't all to blame for that.
Panic gripped her when she imagined Hiyori as one of the people sent to hunt her down. She could never strike the blond spitfire; she'd let Hiyori butcher her alive first. But what that would do to her friend…
She couldn't put Hiyori through that.
But what else was she to do? If she returned as she was, Central 46 wouldn't stand for it. At best, she'd be resealed immediately, likely imprisoned again for removing them in the first place; worst case, she'd be executed on the spot. And when they investigated who'd removed her seals? No matter how powerful she now knew he was, she'd never want Sousuke to bear the brunt of their wrath.
"We have to put them back," she uttered, her voice cracking. "The seals. They have to go back, don't they?"
"Not necessarily."
Kaede looked sharply at Sousuke as he sat up. "You think Kyoka Suigetsu will trick the entirety of Soul Society into thinking I'm still sealed?"
"It doesn't have to," he stated, starting to dress himself. "The marks are easily fabricated. For the general public, you simply need to learn to suppress your reiatsu as a Captain would. Once you're able to do that, we'll only need Kanzen Saimin to convince the people who are already watching you: the two Central 46 judges who oversee your check-ups, as well as Urahara, Unohana, and Tessai. You aren't as closely surveilled as they'd have you believe."
Her brow furrowed. "Wait - there are only two judges at those things? Are you sure?"
"Positive. Central 46 is made up of self-interested aristocrats, first and foremost; they only put forth as much effort as is strictly necessary to fulfill their needs. While the entire assembly votes on major decisions regarding your life and activities, there's a small committee dedicated to keeping tabs on you, and even then only a couple of representatives are dispatched as needed. From what I've observed, they are content to delegate most of the effort to Urahara Kisuke."
"So you're going to be at every check-up for the foreseeable future?" she asked dubiously, following his lead by gathering her clothes.
"I've already been at your check-ups," he pointed out. "It's a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme." He cinched the slim obi of his kimono shut. "Don't forget our ultimate goal: we are going to change Soul Society, from its foundations to its pinnacle. These are mere stepping stones along the way."
Kaede's hands slowed as she donned the layers of her kimono. He'd known all of this, and only now saw fit to tell her…in fact, he seemed to have a habit of keeping her in the dark when it came to vital details.
"Sousuke." She waited until he was facing her to continue. "Earlier…you couldn't have known what would happen. I still could have killed you."
"On the contrary," he said, brushing a stray burgundy lock from her face. "I knew perfectly well that you couldn't harm me."
She turned away from his touch. "But I didn't know that. You took away my agency. It wasn't just the Kido; you lied to me from the start about what you intended to do. You didn't let me have a real say."
"I knew that you would be too afraid to agree to this, and you needed to see that there was nothing to fear."
He was right, in a way - she would never have agreed to him completely removing the seals, not with all the reassurances in the world. Perhaps if he'd let her feel his true strength first, she might have had the confidence to say yes…but no, that wouldn't have happened. She'd still have doubted, because until the seals were gone, she had no concept of her own true strength. She only had the memories of what happened when that power had lashed out. His logic was sound, but logic wasn't the only factor at play.
"That doesn't make it okay," she stated, looking up into his eyes. "You said you've been waiting for an equal? Then from this moment on, treat me like one. You will not lie to me again, no matter your reasoning, and you will never, ever take away my ability to make an informed choice. If I can't trust you to think of me as your partner and not your underling, then we may as well end things right now."
There were risks in such an ultimatum: He could leave her here in Hueco Mundo with no way out, for one. But what made her heart pound in her throat was the prospect that if he did refuse this request, she might need to back up those words with action.
And that, more than anything else, scared her - because the last thing she wanted to do was leave him.
"You are right," he said, his thumb tracing her cheek bone. "I was impatient, and that spurred me to betray your trust. For that, I apologize. But I will not apologize for wanting to free you and empower you. Nor will I ever let anyone take you from me, Kaede. If you believe nothing else, believe that."
She leaned into his touch this time, her heart softening. There was a certain sincerity to his gaze that she had seen only a few times before, a drop of yearning that made her think that at least right now, Sousuke was earnest.
Kaede kissed him softly, letting the action convey her acceptance. Leaning against his chest, she welcomed his arms around her and inhaled deeply to fill her lungs with his scent. He wouldn't have done all of this if he didn't have a plan, and his plans were foolproof.
"Now," he said, his voice a low rumble in her ear. "Before we head back, let's practice your reiatsu-hiding skills, shall we?"
She smiled and nodded into his chest. Whatever happened…they were in this together.
So how's THAT for a wedding night? I'll be totally honest, this fic was born partly because I wanted an excuse to write a couple of god-like beings screwing each other's brains out and leveling the landscape in the process.
So yeah - the title of the fic is, in fact, the name of Kaede's Zanpakuto. I've been having a ball creating her Zanpakuto's abilities, gotta say. Lots of research into Buddhist philosophy and Buddhist/Hindu lore. It'll take some time to fully unveil and explain Kaede's powers in the story, but I'm also looking forward to seeing what your interpretations are so far.
Next time: Test of Will. Part 1 of a two-parter to get us going into the next leg of the story, "Test of Will" takes us back to the present for a bit, where Kaede still struggles to find her resolve…but a chance meeting with a certain Karakura resident helps push her over that edge.
Stay Tuned!