Chapter 7
He felt ashamed of his breakdown. He sat with his back against the door and could hear their whispers on the other side. Evidently they didn't know what to do either. The debate ranged from leaving him alone to asking him if he was okay. He wiped the tears away, sniffed and strengthened his resolve. Despite all of that, he still kept sitting where he was. He just didn't know what to do. So he left it.
After a while, when he'd calmed down a soft knock came on the door. "Jack?"
He didn't recognise the voice. Didn't recognise his supposed name even though it seemed familiar on the lips of the person who spoke it. He sighed. Got up and opened the door. Raised an eyebrow and tilted his head while he waited.
It was the man with the glasses that stood before him. Interesting. And disappointing. Somehow he wanted the woman to be there but he didn't know what to make of it that it wasn't her.
"Uhm…do you remember me?" the man asked. There was something in his eyes that was a bit sad. A bit …disappointed? He couldn't figure it out. He shook his head.
"Uh, okay. Uhm, I'm Daniel." Eyes studied him hopefully, as if the revelation of a name would somehow jog his memory. He didn't say anything. Just waited him out.
Daniel pushed his glasses up, ran a hand through his hair and looked back down the empty hallway. "Do you want the others to introduce themselves?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I thought you're going somewhere else?" he said.
"Yeah…well. Maybe a bit later. So…you know."
He frowned. "How do you know Seth?"
"Uh…he's actually Sam's dad."
Who the hell is Sam?
His blank look must've been obvious for Daniel to give a nervous chuckle. "And Seth's real name is Jacob." He nodded because that's what was expected but it still was a big black box where it came to any memory he supposedly had. Daniel stood there, unsure what to say next and then abruptly turned and started down the hallway to the sitting area. He followed because what else was there to do for him and he wasn't going to be staying in the bedroom the rest of the day either.
The angel was still there, standing beside the two Jaffa. Seth wasn't anywhere and he wondered about that. Daniel came to a nervous standstill beside the others and he stayed by the doorway, close enough to escape if he needed to.
Daniel indicated to the woman. "Uhm. This is Sam. You call her Carter most times…it's her surname."
His eyebrows raised at this. Evidently they did know each other. "Why do I call her by her surname?" he asked, perplexed.
Daniel gave another little chuckle. Glanced at her. She answered the question. "We're both in the military. It's customary to call someone by their surname, sir."
"Oh." He grimaced. Apparently he was a soldier. Not ideal but he could deal with it. Maybe that was the reason Anubis decided to use him for the ancient device.
"I am Teal'c. You are my friend, O'Neill."
"Ah. Good to know." Apparently whatever he had said had Daniel hide a brief smile behind his hand. He didn't understand why. "I'm assuming my surname is …O'Neill?" He tasted the word. Rolled it over his tongue. It had even less of a ring as Jack had but still, there was some familiarity that he also couldn't discard. The old man stepped forward, held out a hand.
"I am master Bra'tac of Chulac."
He inclined his head. Apparently not much more needed to be said. This Jaffa was obviously well thought of and clearly a great warrior. It made him a bit more wary and he was suddenly glad that he had the option of escape with the door just behind his back.
His eyes kept being drawn back to the woman…Sam. He decided he liked the name more. Carter sounded a lot more impersonal. He drank in her features. The blue of her eyes that blinked at him. The way her head tilted at a slight angle and the little frown that seemed to come and go between her eyes. Her hair was short but still accentuated her facial traits. His eyes trailed lower, following her curves. There wasn't anything he didn't like.
"Uh, Jack?"
He blinked. Focused on Daniel. "What?"
"What are you doing?"
He ignored Daniel. Focused back on Sam. "Are we…" he stumbled. Not sure how to ask. She seemed to get what he was asking though. She glanced at the others and then shook her head. The familiar feeling of disappointment settled again. He nodded. Turned and then left them standing there. He went outside to Bess, took her out of her stall and started to clean. His movements were automatic as he worked and it brought a measure of familiarity. Who knew moving crap would be enjoyable. But he needed the mindless manual labour to settle himself. Seth returned at one stage, gave him a knowing look and went inside the house. The others didn't come out. He didn't mind that at all in the end.
Midday Sam came out with a plate and some water. He cleaned himself by the outside tap that he had used to fill Bess' water pail. He made his way over to her and took the plate and glass from her and sat down on the ground, his back against the wall of the house. It was nice in the sun, offsetting the cold wind that was blowing in from the desert. She stood uncertain for a moment and then she came over and sat down next to him. He eyed her from the corner of his eye as he drank the water before starting on the plate.
It was fruit again with a piece of meat and a quarter flat bread. He found that he was hungry again, despite the fact that he had had soup for breakfast. He almost pocketed the bread for later but he stopped when he realised that he wasn't alone and that in all probability he'd have supper. He tried ignoring her as he ate but it was hard.
"You should say something."
The boy was back. He felt his presence next to him on the other side of Sam. The boy seemed to fill the space next to him and he nudged his elbow with a ghostly body that was familiar.
"What do I say?" he said out loud and he heard the boy chuckle. Sam frowned, looked at him funny and he realised that this wasn't going to go well.
"How about asking her about the lake?"
He stared at the space next to him, as if he could see those inquisitive eyes bore into his.
"You okay, sir?" Sam asked, shifting next to him and looking at the empty space next to him before focusing back on him.
"Apparently my name is Jack." He said to her before tearing off a piece of the meat.
"Do you want me to call you Jack?" she asked. Blinked and the small little frown appeared again. He nodded while the boy encouraged him again to ask about the lake. He tried to ignore the boy.
"How long?" he asked. Took a sip of his water and then moved on to the bread. It seemed she was confused for a moment by his question and then her eyes widened as she understood his question. He found that he was fascinated by the play of emotions on her face. He couldn't seem to focus on much else. He placed the half-eaten food next to him. Tried to make sense of his own emotions but there was too much turmoil inside him.
"About 6 months give or take."
"Okay."
She seemed to take this that he wanted more information. "Anubis had guards on the stargate…"
He frowned at the word. She flustered and then said, "Oh right…the Chappa'ai."
He nodded. "The chappa'ai is tapu. No one is allowed to go there." When he noticed the frown he said, "Uhm…holy ground. Only Anubis and his personal guard are allowed."
She nodded. "Okay, we tried to come back but there were some …difficulties." She grimaced. "We reached out to the To'kra. Dad – uhm Seth – he and another operative were already in the vicinity looking for us and established themselves here. They've been here the last five months. They could only get you free after Anubis was off world. They couldn't show themselves…they needed you to make your way out. They weren't sure how much Anubis had managed to uhm…brainwash you."
He nodded. It made sense. "Who are you?" He gestured at her, ignoring the boy who wanted him to ask about the house and the lake. "I mean…all of you?"
"Oh…" she paused. Seemed to think about this. "We're from earth. You're part of a team called SG-1."
He gave her a blank look. "The Tau'ri?" she said in the end.
That word he didn't know either. He remembered hearing it for the first time when he had overheard the conversation between Seth and the other man. He shrugged. Picked up a piece of fruit and then took a bite.
"Bra'tac got a ship for us. We flew here from the closest star gate but it still took us two months." Sam continued. She moved, sat cross legged and looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap. "I'm sorry, Jack."
He didn't understand why she was apologising. "Why?"
She looked up from her hands and met his eyes. Tears were close but somehow she managed to not let them fall. She took a deep breath and then looked away. He swallowed the piece of fruit with difficulty. A knot was forming in his stomach. The sentiment is familiar and unwanted. He didn't want to do this right now. He got up and moved away before he'd do anything he'll regret, leaving his plate and glass behind. He wiped his hands as he took Bess away towards the furthest part of the yard, away from her.
"You're an idiot, you know that." They boy chided.
"Stay out of it." He grunted. He could see her still sitting where he'd left her. She seemed unsure and he witnessed as she gave a small sigh and then gathered his plate and glass and went back inside. He started brushing the horse, his movements sure. They gave him the privacy he craved and no-one else came outside to talk. He finished with Bess and returned her to her stall.
He didn't want to go back inside. He went to the gate and leaning against the jamb, he eyed the road and surrounding area. He spotted three men lounged around the area within the first few seconds.
Nope. Going outside of Seth's protection was definitely not going to work. Not for the foreseeable future. He briefly wondered what Seth had against Marcus that prevented the other man from attacking the compound outright or for that matter, just giving him up to Anubis. It must be a doozy, he thought as he turned away and stepped back into the yard.
He went and sat down against the wall again for want of anything better to do. The late afternoon sun was warm against his skin. Fatigue he hadn't realised was there, suddenly made its presence felt and his head dropped. He resisted and got up and made his way to Bess' stall. He found his corner and settled against the straw. For some reason he missed the blanket. He brought his legs up and crossed his arms over his chest and with the sounds of Bess grazing he fell asleep.
He was back in the basin. But he was closer to the mountains. In fact, he stood at the foot end of one. Boulders the size of houses strewn about as he looked up towards the peak that seemed to disappear into the clouds. The whispers were back, full force. The wind tugging at his shirt and hair, willing him to return back the way he'd come. Telling him that his salvation did not lie in climbing the mountain.
He ignored them. Pushed them away from himself and with difficulty managed to create a little bubble around himself. It was a skill he had learned at one stage during his time in jail. It had protected him a bit from the incessant voices and had kept Anubis out of his head. The half-ascended being hadn't liked it the first time he'd managed it and the resultant consequences was a memory he most certainly had hidden away to never be revisited.
"It's going to be hard."
He looked down. The boy stood inside the bubble next to him. Brown eyes that knew too much looked up at him and met his gaze.
"I know."
The boy looked away and up at the pathway that was before them. "You should ask her."
"Why?"
"Because it's important."
He sighed. Knelt down next to the boy so he could look him straight into his eyes. Tousled hair didn't move with the wind. In fact, nothing here seemed to affect the boy much. "Who are you?"
The boy looked sad at this question. "I told you. I'm you."
"So you said. How can you be me?"
The boy smiled. Looked up the mountain with a wishful gaze. "You should ask her."
He frowned. Stood up. "About you?"
The boy shook his head. "No dummy. About the lake."
"Oh." He paused. Wasn't sure how much the boy was aware of. But somehow this seemed important enough and he said it. "My name's Jack."
The boy nodded. Gave him a big toothy grin. "Guess that makes me Jack Junior." The boy took a step and then another up the pathway and he followed. He wasn't sure how he felt about the boy's revelation. How can he be split in two? Was this all part of the ancient device and its purpose?
All he did know is that Anubis was waiting for something…what that was he didn't know. Only that the half-ascended being was determined that he suffer as much as possible until the whispers took over.
And for that reason alone, he had been fighting the whispers and their promises.
He wasn't about to give that snakehead what he wanted. Something buried deeper inside him kept fighting when he had been ready to give up. He knew that it had kept him from dying in the prison. Had somehow been the instigation of his healing and the boy. They walked for a while in silence, the ground passing beneath their feet as they stepped upwards.
He made it a quarter of the way before he woke up.
It was dark out. He shifted and rose. He gave Bess a pat and then moved outside of the stall and walked towards the house. Entered the warmth of the kitchen to find Seth there. A flatbread and some fruits were on the table and a warm cup of something that smelled familiar. Seth smiled at him and indicated to the table and he sat down. He ruffled his hair as Seth placed another cup before him. It was a hot drink and he sniffed it suspiciously.
"It's coffee." Seth said and took a sip of his cup while he sat down opposite him. He tilted his head and took another sniff and finally decided to take a sip. It wasn't too bad and Seth was watching him with interest when he took another sip.
"Good, yes? I'm down to my last bag. Obviously not something you can get on this side of the galaxy so I had to cart it with me."
"Okay."
"You know, you're giving Teal'c a run for his money at this stage."
Seth was talking about the big silent Jaffa who had been quite clear on the fact that they were friends. "Not much to say." He said in the end. "Did they leave?"
"They'll be back tomorrow. They needed to check in with General Hammond." Seth anticipated him. "He's the leader of SG-1."
He took another sip of the coffee. It was leaving a comfortable warmth in his stomach. He reached over and took a piece of bread and ate it. Took another sip around a mouthful of the bread. It really wasn't too bad.
"What do you have on Marcus?" he asked in between mouthfuls.
Seth grimaced. "Marcus and I have an understanding."
"Care to share?"
Seth shook his head. "It's better you don't know. You're safe as long as you stay here."
"Sam said that they have a ship?" He left the question open ended. Saying her name still felt unfamiliar as it rolled off his tongue. Just like the sound of his own name felt to him. Jack still felt foreign and he wasn't sure when it would become familiar enough.
"Yeah. Did Anubis say anything about what the ancient device is supposed to do?"
He shook his head. Seth dipped his head and then his eyes glowed. He startled, as Selmak stared at him out of Seth's eyes.
"Why have you not tried to leave the city since you got out?" The deep voice was questioning. He narrowed his eyes as he stared at the man across from him.
"Where would I go?" he said instead. "There's a desert out there…"
"But there are travellers. You've seen them come and go. If it was me I would've tried to get as far away from Anubis as possible."
He hung his head. Watched as his fingers moved the now empty cup from one hand to the other.
"May I speculate that you can't leave?"
He sighed. "It draws me back."
Selmak stood up and his hand curled around the cup, ready to defend himself if need be. Even though he trusted Seth in some way, Selmak was still too much of an unknown. And he hadn't forgotten the unknown man he had heard speak in this house. They knew something of his situation and had done nothing to remove him from what Anubis was planning.
"The device is linked to you in some way?"
He nodded. He couldn't explain it himself. "Didn't matter which path I took…it always led back here."
"Not unexpected."
Selmak took a step towards him and he rose. Cup in his hand that hung next to him as he took a step back. Eyed the doorway behind Selmak and calculated what he'd need to do to get past the man.
"I'm not going to hurt you." Selmak almost sounded like he was offended.
"Then stay where you are and I'll stay where I am." He said. Watched warily as the older man dipped his head and then Seth reappeared. He held his hands up. "I'm sorry. Selmak is worried. She wasn't trying to scare you."
"I'm not afraid." He said quickly. But he stayed on his feet.
Seth sighed. "The others will be back before dawn. Anubis is still sending out search parties for you. It might be best if you stay in your room for the night."
"Fine."
Seth moved towards the fire pit, away from the doorway and leaving the pathway clear for him to take if he wanted. He kept his eye on the man as he shuffled around the table. He left the cup on the table and then moved swiftly to his bedroom.
He locked the door. Told himself that it was just a precaution, nothing more. That he wasn't afraid. That he had protection in the form of Seth and now this SG-1 team.
He almost believed his own lies.
She was back.
He took the steps down to the lake. The mist reflected softly off the water. It lends a hazy quality to the air, almost see through and he could observe the trees across the lake. A ripple spread out across the lake, creating small waves that crashed on to the shore. She was waiting for him.
He stepped onto the dock, moved steadily closer until he stood in front of her.
She smiled at him. Small water droplets clung to her hair and the dress she had on was almost incandescent. He reached out a hand. Touched her face and gently traced the curves of her face.
"Hi Sam." He said.
"Hello Jack."
For the first time his name sounded right. Something inside him shifted. The mist roiled. Got thicker. He dropped his hand.
"What do we do now?" He asked. Ignored the wind that started up. Her dress fluttered around her body. The whispers were just starting up. It was getting darker.
"Climb the mountain." She said, "It's important."
He nodded. Ghostly hands flirted around his body, trailing damp trails on his skin. He reached out for it. Pulled her into his body. Felt every curve where it moulded to his skin. He closed his eyes.
"You will be okay, Jack." She whispered into his ear. She was there and then she wasn't.
He was suddenly hugging nothing but air and a feeling of loss overwhelmed him. He looked around but the mist was thick now. It felt menacing and the wind had picked up. The waves crashing against the dock and the shore were coming in bigger and faster.
Let go…
She's not important…
Listen to us…let us in…
Become us…
No!
He shook of the hands as much as he could but the mist was everywhere now. He focused on creating his bubble. Went deep inside him until he found that space that he had always managed to keep away from Anubis. The whispers screeched. They didn't like what he was doing. He got buffeted by the wind, pushing him towards the water and he stumbled. Went down on a knee.
"Why don't you just give up."
He looked up. Anubis was standing there on the dock in front of him. His cape swirled in the wind. It seemed alive in the wind. The half-ascended being seemed more solid here. He could almost see facial features from the swirl that was his head. He could just about make out a nose…lips and sometimes …eyes.
"Never."
A sound of frustration came from the other man. "Where are you?" Anubis asked.
He smiled grimly. Managed to get back on his feet. He didn't answer. Anubis took a step closer. Leaned in and seemed to be studying him. This wasn't new. He had enough of these during his time at the prison with Anubis to be almost immune to it by now. Whatever it was the man was searching for didn't seem to be there and he seemed half disappointed when he stepped back.
"You're different somehow." Anubis said. "I will find you. You can't stay hidden forever."
He smirked. Stood firm against another shift of the wind. Anubis' cape flapped, a loud sound that echoed around the lake. Anubis looked around. "Your mind is interesting. This place has meaning."
He shrugged. "What is it you want?" he asked.
"Haven't you figured it out by now?" Anubis asked, clasping his hands behind his back. His cowl tilted and the whispers stilled. It in itself was ominous. He didn't like the sudden quiet. He felt a presence behind him, small hands on his back. A shuffle of feet.
"Hello?" Anubis bends, trying to peer around his body. "I don't think we've met."
The boy whimpered. Tried to hide behind him fully.
"Get out of my head!" He took a threatening step forward. He was hampered by the boy, small hands held tight to his shirt. It was disconcerting.
A smile appeared on Anubis' face. It was grotesque. Thick lips stretched in a macabre copy of what a smile would look like, coming to the fore in the swirling mass of what constituted Anubis' face and then just as quickly disappeared. "I see you, Jack." He sing-songed with a false cheer.
He blinked. It was the first time that Anubis had called him by name. Ever since he had forgotten who he was, Anubis had gone to great pains to keep him nameless. This was …new. He didn't like it at all. They boy shrunk into himself behind him. "Not here…not here…not here…" It took a moment for him to realise that the boy was whispering the words over and over again. He didn't understand it.
"Don't you think it's time to come out and play?" Anubis said softly, an almost sibilant hiss forming the words. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He looked around. The mist had receded a bit but it was still dark. The waves had settled and the wind had dropped away completely.
"Show me where you are, Jack." Anubis cajoled. He took a step closer, looming in front of him. His breathing increased and he remembered all the other times that Anubis had stood in front of him. He closed his eyes. Tried to still everything inside him but he was already inside his head…wasn't he? How would that work in any case.
"Don't be afraid, Jack. It won't hurt. I promise."
Anubis reached out a hand and his eyes flew open…
His scream echoed around the room when he surged upwards into a seated position. He gasped as he tried to slow his breathing. Sweat dripped from the sides of his head, tracing a pathway down his cheek intermingling with tears. His hand had a visible tremor when he swung his legs off the bed and ran them through his hair.
Crap!
He swore. Tried to bring a semblance of calm back. He looked up in alarm when his door burst open and the big Jaffa stormed in, his staff weapon primed and ready. His eyes took in the room and a moment later he relaxed. Closed the weapon down and straightened.
"O'Neill." His dark bass seemed to fill the room. It brought calm that he had been looking for and he took a deeper cleansing breath.
"I'm okay."
Teal'c gave him a brief bow with his head in acknowledgement. He stood, stepped to the window and moving a curtain, did a quick survey of the area outside his room. It was still early; the sun had barely risen. He heard the Jaffa shift. A soft clink of his weapon as he rested it on the floor. He wiped his face, satisfied to note that the tremor was almost gone now.
"Just a bad dream." He said. "You can go."
Teal'c looked like he was about to say something. The Jaffa scrutinised him for a moment. Seemed to take his measure and gave him another half bow before he turned and left. The room suddenly didn't feel safe anymore and he thought about calling him back to stand guard. Told himself that it was ridiculous. That he was just still reeling from the nightmare he had and that he was stronger than that. He straightened his bed, got dressed and then made his way to the kitchen to find that the rest of the team was there already. Seated around the table and drinking …coffee? He remembered the drink from last night. Daniel poured him a cup and handed it to him without asking. He stayed by the door. Told himself that it was prudent as he took a sip of the hot drink.
It tasted good.
Again, he felt his eyes drift towards Sam. She looked different though. Dressed like the others in olive drab clothes. A jacket, pants and black shirt. He took another sip in the awkward silence that fell when he entered the room. Daniel cleared his throat.
"We were just discussing our options."
He lifted an eyebrow.
"Uh…Selmak said that you are linked to the ancient device and can't leave the planet." Daniel glanced at Sam. She seemed to take her queue from the other man. "We need to retrieve the device. See how it works. Or get Thor to take a look if he can't reverse what it's done to you."
He laughed. They looked at him in shock. They were truly insane. Going up against Anubis and going into his stronghold to retrieve the device that had consumed him…
"What?" Daniel looked confused.
"You have no idea what he is capable of." He heard himself say. He swallowed a sob as memories surged forward. All the things he'd experienced because of Anubis. It hurt. Every one of them.
"He killed us, remember. Over and over Jack…" Daniel had surged up, anger marring his face. A fist thumped down on the table. "Believe me…that wasn't a walk in the park."
He didn't know what to say to that. He didn't remember it.
"…you …you sent us back and stayed. How do you think we feel?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't remember any of that."
Daniel sighed in frustration. Ran a hand over his mouth as he stared at Jack. "I know…I'm sorry." And like that he seemed to deflate and sat down abruptly. Sam patted the back of Daniel's hand in sympathy. Her gaze didn't leave Jack's however. "What do you want, Jack?" she asked softly.
His eyes widened in surprise. Ever since he'd been here on the crappy planet, no one had ever asked him what he wanted. His mouth went dry. He looked around the room at Daniel, Teal'c and Sam. Seth and the older Jaffa were missing. He shifted on his feet. Unsure. He didn't know what he wanted. Sam stood up from the table and walked up to him. He stood in front of her, his coffee cup a barrier between them. His breathing increased slightly as he smelled her. A mixture of sweat, flowery teases and something that had metallic undertones. It smelled somehow …right.
"Jack?"
He looked down at her. His hands felt clammy. He didn't understand his own body's response to her closeness. He swallowed. He forgot about Daniel and Teal'c that were still in the room. Forgot about the missing other two men. In this moment everything was centred on her.
He closed his eyes briefly. Remembered the dock. He reached out a hand when he opened his eyes and traced the contours of her face. Tugged a stray piece of her hair behind an ear and then he leaned forward and kissed her.