Chapter 54

Sirius had his first inkling of why Ron might have punched Harry when his godson sneaked out of Gryffindor tower after midnight with Ron's sister tucked under his cloak.

Right until that moment it hadn't occurred to him that Harry might see Ginny as any other than a friend, since he hadn't caught the kid staring at her in any telling way nor particularly seeking her company. It had actually perplexed him his godson's apparent lack of interest in any girls, especially considering that there were more than a few of all ages constantly eyeing him in the hallways.

Scrawny and young as he was, Harry had a lot going for him. Not only he had inherited James' looks and Lily's startling green eyes, he was also famous, a champion, a hero who rescued damsels in distress, a dragon slayer and a flier worthy of the national team. But while James would have been utterly unbearable if he had had so much to brag about, his son clearly didn't enjoy the female attention that all those attributes brought him.

Or so Sirius had thought.

Harry sneaking out with Ginny —who was definitely interested in Harry, judging by the way her heart accelerated whenever the kid so much as glanced at her— made all the sense in the world to Sirius. What didn't make sense was that Harry insisted on taking Sirius along. Who would want his godfather chaperoning when going for a walk in the moonlight with a girl?

Upon further reflection, though, Sirius figured that perhaps he should go along and keep an eye on what his godson did with such a young girl alone in the dark, at least until he had had a chance to talk to Harry about certain things. Besides, if he was honest with himself he really liked the idea of being out after curfew with James' son, roaming the sleeping castle like in the old times, perhaps giving a proper fright to Filch's damned cat. He wanted to make the most of the little time he had left.

So Sirius went along.

Harry moved through the castle with the ease of an experienced marauder, noticed Sirius. He even knew by heart Snape's patrol routes, which was definitely useful considering that the kid didn't have the Marauder's Map anymore and that Snape wasn't simply a hateful teacher to avoid but a Death Eater that might take advantage of the darkness to test just how safe the champions were from external damage.

Despite having accepted that Moody being able to track Snape with the Map was a good thing, Sirius would have preferred Harry to have it so he could avoid Snape more effectively. Especially after having heard from Hermione that Harry had been sneaking out to fly —possibly with Krum— almost every night since before Christmas. The kid was definitely giving the Marauders a run for their money when it came to being out after curfew, but oddly that made Sirius more worried than proud. What was wrong with him?

It just made him too anxious to imagine his godson wandering about when there were two Death Eaters nearby. Knowing that the next time Harry sneaked out to fly with Krum (if there was a next time, which wasn't certain given that the alliance seemed suspended if not broken) Sirius would not be here to guard him.

This was all wrong. There shouldn't be any Death Eaters inside the school. Harry shouldn't have to fear anything more dangerous than Filch. Someone like Snape shouldn't be free to torment children while Sirius couldn't even show his face to the world.

Sirius should have never left the baby to go hunt Peter.

Considering how this year was turning out, perhaps he should have taken Harry away with him when he had escaped last year on Buckbeak. They could be in Brazil together now, chasing seabirds and eating coconuts.

As they reached the front doors and slipped outside, Sirius reflected that at least Harry was taking some time for girls. He didn't want to consider the possibility of something bad happening in the third task, but he thought the kid should reach it having kissed a girl at least once.

Remembering a secluded spot along the lake shore where likely nobody would see Harry and Ginny from the castle if they took off the cloak, Sirius began to lead the way in that direction, but to his surprize Harry redirected him instead towards the Whomping Willow. And his puzzlement only increased when they entered the secret passage and began making their way towards the Shrieking Shack. What was Harry up to? The Shack wasn't the most romantic of places —although there was a bed there—, and it hardly seemed necessary to go all that way for some private time.

If Sirius definitely didn't expect something was that Harry would sit Ginny down to tell her all about Sirius and then introduce him to her.

The girl looked a lot smaller from his human perspective, and her hair a lot more red even in the dim light of the candles. He could no longer smell her fear nor hear her racing heart, but her agitation was still evident. Even though she was making an obvious effort not to freak out.

Sirius had not looked at himself in a mirror since before Azkaban, but he had seen pictures of himself in the prophet and sometimes caught a blurry reflection in a pond, so he knew his appearance was ghastly. He hadn't cared much about that, since he was always alone or in dog form, but now he suddenly wished he had at least stolen some new clothes so he could be a bit more presentable when his godson introduced him to his girl.

Not that better clothes would have helped to distract anyone from the fact that he was Sirius Black, a deranged murderer. Ginny had apparently just been initiated into Harry's inner circle of trust, so she knew Sirius was innocent, but it was plain in her eyes that she still considered him dangerous and that it was taking all her Gryffindor courage to stay where she was.

"Nice to properly meet you, Ginny," he said awkwardly, careful not to make any movement that could be read as a threat. "Uh... I was a friend of your uncles, you know, Fabian and Gideon. Great people."

The girl stared at him for about a minute.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Black," she managed to say at last, apparently recalling her manners.

"You can call me Sirius."

Her eyes widened at the notion of calling a fugitive by his first name. She seemed to have somewhat recovered from the shock, though, or at least she looked steadier than a few minutes ago. Taking a deep breath as if to brace herself, she turned to Harry.

"All right," she said in a pragmatic tone. "I think it would be best if he stayed as a dog, if he doesn't mind. I know I said Percy would have to agree, but I don't really trust him that much."

"Do you still think it's a good idea?" asked Harry. "What about your parents? Should I tell them?"

She hesitated.

"I think not. They would believe you if you told them, I'm sure, but you would have to explain about Scabbers and that would freak out Mum. Besides it w-"

"What are you two talking about?" interrupted Sirius with a frown.

The two kids turned to him as if they had just remembered he was there.

"We're thinking about sending you and Buckbeak to the Burrow," explained Harry.

"WHAT?" blurted Sirius, making Ginny flinch back at the exclamation. And here he had been thinking that he was chaperoning when clearly this was something else entirely.

"Mr. and Mrs. Weasley could take care of you, and-"

"Absolutely not!" he cut him off.

"I would rather send you abroad again to some remote beach where you could lie in the sun eating tropical birds all day, Sirius," said Harry raising his voice too. "But you refuse to go, so this is the second best plan."

"I don't remember you mentioning this terrible plan yesterday when we met with Dumbledore," pointed out Sirius. "And I highly doubt he would approve."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to give him a chance to disapprove," snapped Harry. "He might be fine with you living off rats alone in a cave somewhere, but I'm not!"

"I don't mind eating rats!" yelled Sirius. Despite his exasperation, he couldn't help to feel impressed at his godson, who apparently had been making his own plans at Dumbledore's back. "And I won't go anywhere for as long as you're in danger, Harry, I intend to stay close to you at least until this damned year ends."

"Dumbledore won't let you stay here, Sirius, you know that. He said you have to go away tomorrow."

"I will go away," he said. "Just not so far as he thinks."

Dumbledore had not said it in so many words this time, but Sirius knew that the old man was of the opinion that Sirius should go back to Grimmauld Place and stay safely hidden there. He had already suggested it before, but since that would not differ much from being locked up in Azkaban with all his worst memories for company Sirius had absolutely rejected the suggestion.

"You can't stay around," repeated Harry. "Moody has the Map, remember? He will know if you're still inside the Hogwarts' grounds. And if someone sees my dog wandering around Hogsmeade they will ask questions. You have to go!"

"Then I will fly some distance away," conceded Sirius with reluctance. "But I won't hide with a wizarding family, that would be too dangerous. And not just for me. It could have very serious consequences for the Weasleys to harbour a fugitive. Not that they would, of course. You, Dumbledore, and a few of your friends might believe me innocent, Harry, but all the rest of the world thinks me a murderer and will turn me to the Dementors in a blink!"

"My parents wouldn't do that," argued Ginny, speaking for the first time in several minutes. "Harry is part of our family. By extension, I guess his godfather is our family too. Mum and Dad would take you in if they knew how much you mean to Harry, Mr. Black, I'm sure of that."

Sirius stared at her at a loss for a moment. Family?

"What about Percy?" asked Harry, distracting him from his confused thoughts.

"Who is Percy?"

"He's one of Ginny's brothers. You met him after the second task, he has been replacing Mr. Crouch as a judge."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in interest. There was something going on with Crouch, he was certain. He was supposed to be too sick to work, and yet Harry had told him in a letter that he had seen his name in the Map, searching Snape's office.

"Percy's a rule-abiding, Ministry-lover prat," was saying Ginny. "So I think it would be better if you went as a dog. Besides it would be safer if my parents could honestly say that they didn't know you were an Animagus when they took you in."

"I brought quill and parchment," contributed Harry, searching his pockets. "I thought I could write a letter to your parents, Ginny, explaining everything in case they ever suspect what Snuffles is and make him transform back. If that happened Sirius could show them the letter and tell them to talk to Dumbledore before calling the Ministry."

"That's a good idea," said Ginny. "I can write something too, just in case, they would believe the letter more easily if they recognized my handwriting."

"Hold on there," said Sirius, noticing that the kids had moved on to discuss the details of the plan as if the decision had already been made. "Leaving all the insane risks aside, going along with your plan would mean to have to stay as a dog all the time. I don't mind that, but I would be trapped in that form, cut off from news..."

Harry might be doing this behind Dumbledore's back, but Dumbledore would have to be informed, else Sirius's dog cover might be compromised by stalking owls. Not that Sirius intended to go along with this, of course.

"You would probably be better informed than me," countered Harry, sounding bitter, "since Mr. Weasley and Percy both work at the Ministry, and Percy is a judge."

"And Mum often reads my letters aloud to Dad," said Ginny. "I write home almost every week to report about Harry..."

"You do?" asked Harry in surprize.

Ginny's face instantly turned as red as her hair.

"Hum... yeah... I mean, Mum is really worried about you, she keeps sending Errol to me even though he can barely fly at this point, and I feel bad sending him back without a letter, so... She just wants to know if you're eating, basically, you know how she is." She looked more nervous and more red with each word. "I don't tell her any secrets, I swear, she doesn't even know about you and Ron fighting... If Snuffles will be listening, though, you can use my letters to let him now you're all right."

Harry was looking at her with an undecipherable expression. Sirius really hoped he would put the girl out of her misery soon.

"You can use Hedwig," he finally said. "She won't have anything to do now that Sirius will be a dog full time."

Ginny smiled in relief, and Harry smiled back. Sirius waited a moment before clearing his throat.

"I still haven't agreed to anything," he reminded them. "I would be completely useless as a full-time dog, Harry. Not only I could not write or receive letters, I would not be able to come and go without raising suspicions. And Ottery St. Catchpole is too far away, what if you needed me here?"

"I don't need you," said Harry firmly, his words cutting a hole in Sirius' heart. "There's nothing you can do for me here, Sirius. Much as I would like it were different, you can't help me and you can't send me advice. What you can do is to go away and stay safe."

"I can stay safe on the run," insisted Sirius. "There's really no need to involve an innocent family in this, Harry, I can take care of myself."

"Oh, yeah, I can see how well you take care of yourself," drawled Harry, looking him up and down with a frown. "You look hardly better than you did a year ago, Sirius. Clearly living on the run eating rats is not healthy for you."

Sirius didn't reply. What could he say? It was true that he wasn't healthy, but being healthy wasn't a priority of his. He wasn't important. He was already wasted. And most days he was fine with that, knowing that he deserved it. Now, though, for one moment Sirius allowed himself to feel the loss of who he had been, and of who he could have been. The reality of what had happened to him suddenly hit him like the Hogwarts Express.

He turned around, not wanting Harry to see him like this, and resisted the urge to escape into his Animagus form.

Had he really deserved twelve years in Azkaban? Had he been that bad? Unbearable as it was to admit it, he knew Snape was right: Secret Keeper or not, Sirius had been hardly innocent, he had learned that in Azkaban. No one innocent had so much guilt to dwell on. Of course Sirius had had plenty crappy memories from his childhood to relive, and that terrible night when he had walked into the cottage and found James and Lily dead, but at least half his imprisonment he had spent it being confronted with what a bad brother and general jerk he had been.

Had he deserved to lose so much as a punishment, though? Sirius might not have been a great person, but he suspected he had been ruined early on, long before he had come to Hogwarts for the first time, and that hadn't been his fault.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his arm. He wasn't used to human touch, not when he was a human to receive it. Harry's hug the other day had been the most contact he had had since Remus' hug last year, and before that... he couldn't remember.

Hesitantly, with trembling soul, he turned to face his godson.

"I'm sorry," said Harry quietly, his Lily eyes full of remorse. "That was too harsh. I just... You were my hostage, Sirius. You... You're the only family I have. I can't lose you. And I need to know that you're all right. If I don't make it-"

Sirius shook his head.

"Don't talk like that," he cut him off, his voice rough. "You will survive, Harry, I know you will."

Harry shrugged.

"Maybe," he said. "But if I don't... it would make me feel better to know I'm leaving you in a safe place, Sirius, with people who will take care of you." Sirius was again shaking his head, but the damned kid went on, "I know it's risky, but I can't think of a better place than the Burrow, nor of better people than the Weasleys. You will eat well every day there, and have a warm spot next to the fire to sleep, and garden gnomes to chase..."

"Hell of a godfather I would be if I lazily sat around all day eating and playing while here everything and everyone is trying to kill you," said Sirius, although there wasn't much fight in him left.

"It's enough for me to know that you care about me," whispered Harry, sounding suddenly unsure. "Or at least I think you do..."

"Of course I care about you, Harry," rasped Sirius. "I just wish I could do more for you."

Harry smiled sadly.

"That's enough. For now."

Deeply shaken by all these human feelings that were wreaking havoc inside him, feelings stronger and somehow clearer than he was used to, Sirius pulled the kid into a fierce hug.

Over Harry's head he caught sight of the girl —he had nearly forgotten she was there, so quiet and still she had been— wiping a few tears from her face.