Chapter 59

Cedric was confused.

He had never expected the Tournament to go this way. That it would get so complicated in addition to dangerous. It felt like a lifetime ago that he had put his name in the Goblet of Fire, his head full of childish dreams of glory and approval. Everything had seemed straightforward then, simple: three champions, a competition, one winner. A thousand galleons and the pride in his father's eyes as prize.

Despite his nervousness and fear, the moment when Dumbledore had read his name out loud and proclaimed him Hogwarts' champion had been one of the best of his life. To be deemed worthy of representing his school, of bringing recognition to his House and honour to his family name... Until that moment Cedric had not dared to believe he was good enough. He could remember how elated he had felt as he waited in the side chamber with his fellow champions, how hard it had been to believe that he was one of them, at the same level than Viktor Krum.

And then Harry Potter had been Harry Potter and ended up a fourth champion.

Cedric couldn't deny that he had felt a little pissed at that development. He had heard Dumbledore's explanation about the Confundment, but at the moment Cedric had been more inclined to agree with Professor Snape in that Harry must have asked someone to confund him or perhaps confunded himself so as to get past the Age Line. Not even Professor Moody's comments about the Dark Magic that must have required to make the Goblet forget that it was only supposed to choose three champions had dissuaded Cedric from his conviction that Harry was trying to steal his glory. And it had pissed him off, because Harry Potter hardly needed more recognition.

Deep down, however, he had never really believed that Harry wanted to be a champion. The kid had looked positively green when he had walked into the side chamber. He had also looked guilty, but that had probably been because he had put his name in the Goblet, though confunded. It must be really awful to have memories of having wanted to do something that one didn't really want to do. To be innocent of something but at the same time remember being guilty. It had taken Cedric a while to acknowledge that that had happened to his fellow champion, but he had no doubt now, and it shamed him to ever have thought badly of Harry.

"Cedric?"

Cedric snapped out of his reverie and focused his eyes on Cho. She was looking at him with concern, biting her lower lip in that way that made him crazy. Without thinking he leaned forward and kissed her, first slowly, barely brushing her lips, then in earnest, burying his fingers in her hair to hold her closer. Her tongue was the most delicious thing he had tasted so far in his life, her hair the most amazing thing he had smelled, her skin the softest thing he had touched.

At this point they already had a lot of practice in this, so they could go on forever barely interrupting themselves to breathe once in a while. Cho had even gotten a balm for their lips, one that tasted almost as good as her tongue, so really, they could do this forever if they didn't have to stop to sleep, or eat, or go to class... or to participate in a deadly tournament.

He broke the kiss and pulled back to stare into Cho's black eyes. They were the deepest thing he had ever seen. Cedric hadn't expected this either. He had had a crush on Cho since last year, yeah, and he probably would have asked her out even if he had not entered the Triwizard Tournament (and he felt sure she would have said yes to him champion or not), but he had never imagined he could come to feel this much. That it could get so serious so quickly. Finding her at the bottom of the lake... For a moment Cedric had feared his Bubble-Head Charm would pop as a result of the emotional shock. He had barely registered Harry's and Krum's weird appearances, or even the merpeople, as he swam directly to Cho desperately afraid that she might be already dead. The relief when he had seen bubbles issuing from her mouth... At that moment he hadn't thought about anything besides taking her away from there, to safety.

Ever since then, however, he had had plenty of time to think about everything he had missed in his panic and self-absorption. Like the fact that Harry had been the one to give him the idea of using one of the rocks at the bottom to transfigure a knife that could cut Cho's bindings (the ropes had been immune to spells). Or the more significant fact that Harry had delayed because he hadn't wanted to leave any hostage behind. At the end he had only rescued Fleur's sister, but Cedric knew that Harry would have saved Cho too if he had not gotten there in time.

"What is it, Cedric?" asked Cho softly, her eyes again filled with concern.

He sighed.

"I just have a lot in my mind," he said stroking the line of her jaw. "I didn't mean to worry you."

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm always worried," she said. "You can talk to me, you know. I'll listen, even if I can't help."

There was such warmth in her eyes, so much genuine concern... Cedric couldn't help leaning over again. She had been expecting the usual, so his chaste kiss on the tip of her nose made her laugh. That was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. It resonated with something very deep inside him, filling a hole he had never known he had.

"I was thinking about you," he said truthfully, running a hand through her silky hair. He sighed. "And about Harry."

As it was to be expected, bringing up someone else when they were in such an intimate situation sort of killed off the mood, but Cho didn't seem to mind. He could see in her eyes that she was suddenly worried about Harry too, and that she probably understood exactly what was bothering Cedric. Cho didn't even try to say anything, though, and for that Cedric was grateful. If she stayed quiet on purpose they could pretend that her silence was a choice, that she could speak if she wanted to.

Luckily, Cho's eyes were so expressive that she didn't need words to let him know what she felt and thought. It wasn't necessary to risk mutual frustration by trying to maintain a two-way conversation around a Goblet-restricted subject. Cedric could just talk, and Cho could just listen, and he would know what her answers would be by looking into her eyes.

"He told me about the mermaids," he confessed. "He and Krum cracked the clue, and then Harry came to me and told me all about it. So I could prepare and rescue my hostage."

Cho's eyes were on him, but Cedric didn't want to look into them yet just in case she was ashamed of him. He certainly was ashamed of himself. Not the least because it had taken him so long to even confess this to Cho, or to anyone.

"Harry invited me to join the alliance, back then," he continued, his eyes averted. Vaguely he registered that there were several kids playing rather roughly with the Giant Squid, and made a mental note to go all Prefect on them later. "He told me that neither he nor Krum cared about winning, that they just wanted to survive and make sure all the hostages were rescued." He chanced a glance at Cho. She was still looking at him with concern and warmth, not a trace of judgement or anything negative in her beautiful eyes. He sighed. "I told him thank you but no. Because I wanted to win."

Cho pressed his hand in an underserved gesture of comfort.

"I didn't think, when I was down there... I didn't think about the other hostages. Only about you. I didn't realize..." He took a deep breath. "I didn't realize that Harry was waiting for me. For me and Fleur. Now I know that Krum was angry because of that. Because Harry didn't want to leave until he was sure we were coming. And I just grabbed you and left, I didn't even look back..."

Cho reached up with her hand and gently stroke his hair, very much like his Mum used to do.

"You're a good person, Cedric," she said, looking him straight in the eye as if wishing to address his very soul. "You did nothing wrong."

There was the other half that she couldn't say, though. That Harry was a better person. That Harry had done the right thing. Or was it only Cedric who thought that? He knew that Cho thought highly of Harry, but she was now looking at Cedric as if she couldn't imagine anyone better than him.

"It could have been you," he shuddered. "If I had swam into that ambush of Grindylows that got Fleur... I know people think she failed because she's weak or because she's a girl, but that's crap. Whatever overwhelmed her would have overwhelmed me too." He sighed. "And then Harry would have had to rescue you too. He would have done it without a second thought, I know."

Cho didn't say anything —she probably couldn't—, but her eyes were easy to read. She knew what he was struggling with, what he was considering to do, and she supported him either way. If she could speak about alliances and other champions, she would probably say that she was with him whether he decided to join or continue on his own. That wasn't exactly the useful advice he desperately craved for, but he realized that it was exactly what he needed from her. To have her on his side, no matter what.

As he leaned forward again, Cedric wondered if he would have taken the risk of entering the Tournament if he had had Cho before. Volunteering to participate in deadly tasks seemed stupid when there was so much to live for. Who cared about glory and honour and galleons when there existed things like lips and tongues and soft necks to make one forget about everything? There was even the strong possibility of more, one day, he disjointedly thought as their hands explored each other and their sporadic breaths progressed to ragged gasps.

Increasingly loud shouts coming from not so far away brought them back to Reality, breaking through Cedric's mindless blissfulness and reminding him that he was a Prefect who was supposed to behave appropriately. They had chosen a spot behind some bushes where they couldn't be seen from the castle, but there were plenty of students scattered around the grounds enjoying the nice weather and it would not do to give a bad example. It was amongst his duties to make sure students didn't cross the line from snogging to more, after all.

More shouts served to completely clear his head and he instinctively turned around in search of the source of the noise. He saw that there were more kids than before at the shore, seeming engaged in an argument, while the Giant Squid had retreated into the lake. As he watched, wands were drawn, so he quickly disentangled himself from Cho and stood up.

"I'll see you later, all right?" he called over his shoulder as he rushed towards the conflict. Her answer got lost in the breeze, but he saw her smile and wave at him, still looking a bit out of breath. He hoped his own appearance wasn't so dishevelled.

The trouble turned out to be three third year Slytherins versus two Gryffindors, one a third year and the other a tiny first year. He identified one of the Slytherins as Harper, and the Gryffindors as the Creevey brothers, famous for their ability to annoy everyone with their Muggle camera. The young Creevey was on the ground showing the effects of a nasty hex, and it looked like the older Creevey had all the intention of avenging his brother. Cedric put an end to the confrontation with a shout and swiftly confiscated all wands involved before countering the hex and helping the little kid up.

It took a few minutes —and considerable insolence, protests and accusations from both Gryffindors and Slytherins— to determine what exactly had happened. Apparently the Creeveys had seen the Slytherins mistreating the Giant Squid and had rushed to its defence (never mind that they were only two, one of them unable to produce anything more harmful than sparks). During the argument Harper had called them 'Mudbloods', as a response the older Creevey had tried to hex him —and missed—, and the younger Creevey had stepped in front of his brother when Harper had tried to retaliate.

Cedric lectured the Gryffindors about going to a Prefect or teacher with their concerns instead of taking matters into their own hands, and scolded the older Creevey for attacking Harper (it was wrong even if he had been provoked and even if he had missed). He would let McGonagall inform him of his punishment when they went to ask for their wands back.

As to the Slytherins, he escorted them himself to the dungeons. Harper seemed confident that he wouldn't get in trouble with his Head of House, but Cedric was confident otherwise. Snape might be unfair and nasty to everyone outside of Slytherin, but Cedric knew that he disciplined his own students and that he didn't tolerate foul language.

Half an hour later, as he stepped out of Snape's office, Cedric wasn't feeling so generous towards the Potions Professor. Snape had listened with boredom to his account of the lake incident and then he had focused his disdainful interrogation on why Cedric hadn't intervened 'before the idiotic Gryffindors could act on their idiocy'. Harper had answered for him, informing Snape that Cedric had been too busy 'fondling' his girlfriend under some bushes. Snape had sneered and taken points from Hufflepuff before dismissing Cedric with a warning to keep his hands to himself if he didn't want to lose his Prefect privileges.

Whether Snape would punish Harper, Cedric wasn't sure anymore. It had sounded as if he thought the Creeveys deserved what they had gotten for sticking their noses in other people's business, and the man hadn't even blinked when Cedric had mentioned the term 'Mudblood', as if that weren't a bad word in his book. Snape had even admonished Cedric for unwarranted confiscation of wands.

Cedric knew, of course, that Snape was a former Death Eater. It made all the sense in the world, actually, that the man had such a dark history. He must have done terrible things in the past, including —possibly— murdering his own father. But then he supposedly had changed sides and become a spy for Dumbledore. That ought to mean that Snape had had a change of heart, right? However, he ran Slytherin House the way a pure-blood supremacist would, or at least that's how it looked from the outside (no one really knew what went on inside that House). Did that mean that Snape believed in all that crap, or was he still pretending to be on You-Know-Who's side? Why would he pretend that, though? You-Know-Who was long gone, his father always said so. And who would want to be associated with You-Know-Who? All those accused of Death Eater activity after the war had been either imprisoned or had denied all association. The clever thing for Snape to do would have been to stop wearing black all the time and befriend a few Gryffindors instead of mocking all Muggle-borns he encountered and mistreating the Boy-Who-Lived.

Even if Dumbledore was right in that You-Know-Who would someday return and Snape was just pretending to be evil so he could resume his role as spy when the time came, was it worth it to expose Hogwarts to such a nasty person —or persona— for years just in case? And was Snape really pretending? Where did he draw the line between who he truly was and who he was pretending to be? Was there even a difference?

And was it only his imagination or Snape was being hell of a lot nastier than normal?

His visit to Professor McGonagall went infinitively better. She thanked him for intervening before things could get even more out of hand, praised his Prefect work, and told him not to pay Professor Snape any mind when she put together his mood with his admission that he had just been in the dungeons. Then she offered him the standard ginger cookie and dismissed him with one of her rare smiles.

If only Cedric could make his father as proud of him as Professor McGonagall had been of his Transfiguration demonstration during the first task!

But no. Nothing was ever enough for Amos Diggory. He always expected more of Cedric. Better grades, a position in the Hufflepuff team, the Quidditch captaincy, more OWLs, the Inter-House Quidditch Cup, a Prefect badge just as a step stone to run for Head Boy next year, a minimum of seven NEWTs courses...

And he expected Cedric to win the Triwizard Tournament.

Cedric sighed.

His father was just as unable to advise him about the alliance as everyone else, but Cedric knew what he thought about it nonetheless. In all his letters his father expressed his certainty that Cedric would win and show them all what a Diggory was made of. He particularly wanted Cedric to prove that he was better than Harry Potter, and that of course meant to beat him. Definitely not to join him in an alliance to work together and have no winner at all.

Cedric hated the idea of disappointing his father. That's why it was taking him so long to make the decision that deep down he knew he had to make. He feared that his father would not understand, just as he had refused to understand that catching the snitch while Harry was unconscious and buried in a sea of Dementors hadn't been a true win. Winning the tournament now, when he seemed to be the only champion still playing to win, would have no value at all either. On the contrary.

It had taken Cedric a while, but now he finally understood that they should be fighting against the Goblet of Fire instead of against each other. That victory was measured in terms of survival instead of points. The only way of truly winning was to refuse to play to win and to make sure that all four of them walked out of this alive, just like Harry had made sure all the hostages were rescued.

The way to go was clear, but it still wasn't easy for Cedric to redirect his steps. As he sat at the Hufflepuff table that evening for dinner, he couldn't help but feeling, knowing, that he would disappoint his House as well as his father. His housemates were counting on him to show the world that Hufflepuffs could also achieve things. Of course no one had been able to say anything to him on the subject, but he knew. He could see the silent threat in their eyes, the wish to tell him "Don't you dare, Cedric!"

He had already gotten in several arguments with his housemates and even with his closest friends. Which wasn't fair, he knew. It wasn't fair to argue with people who couldn't argue back. People who could only glare when he demanded them to stop using those stupid badges. Things had been rather tense at Hufflepuff House lately, beyond a doubt, since they could all sense what Cedric was about to do and they obviously didn't approve.

Cedric watched as a Gryffindor walked past the Hufflepuff table to join the Ravenclaws, something that had become routine in the last few months. His eyes followed the kid —Longbottom, if he remembered right—, and saw him squeeze himself on the bench between Ginny Weasley and the crazy Ravenclaw girl. On the other side of the table Harry was sitting with Hermione and Krum, and not so far away the Weasley twins were entertaining several Beauxbatons' girls with their antics. Fleur was flirting with an almost drooling Durmstrang student, to the obvious jealously of Roger Davis. It was all too surreal.

He caught Cho's eye, and she instantly smiled at him. That cheered him up a little, but his good mood only lasted until he remembered that she wasn't sitting with him tonight because her friend Marietta was a loyal Ravenclaw who clearly supported the Great Alliance and didn't want to be seen associating with Hufflepuffs being things as they currently were. Of course Cedric could go over there himself, but that would send a message that he wasn't ready yet to send.

Feeling down, he tore his eyes from the Ravenclaw table and glanced instead at the high table. Several teachers were looking at him, as usual, and as usual he felt as if he were being tested. He wasn't sure which answer they were expecting, though. No doubt Dumbledore would want him to join the alliance, and maybe McGonagall and Flitwick too. But what about Professor Sprout? Cedric feared he was going to disappoint her too, and that prospect was almost as painful as the prospect of disappointing his father.

There was also the question of whether he would be allowed to join, of course. Cedric had been invited, but that had been months ago. And he had the distinct impression that Harry didn't like him. Of course he had all the right in the world to not like him, since Cedric had not initially believed that Harry had not wanted to enter the Tournament, and he had not tried to make his housemates stop displaying their "Potter stinks" badges until a few months ago. He had rejected his invitation to join the alliance, and he hadn't even considered to help him at the bottom of the lake. Not to mention that last year he had caught the snitch while Harry was unconscious, something for which he knew at least the Weasleys had never forgiven him.

And it wasn't like Harry needed Cedric as an ally. Cedric couldn't offer anything that Krum and Fleur weren't already offering. He was actually less useful, since he was a sixth year while Krum and Fleur were seventh years.

Perhaps he would have been accepted if he had tried to join before, along with Fleur. Perhaps it was too late now.

Cedric had to try, though.

He made his attempt the next day after the morning classes. He had a free period right before lunch, so he used the time to gather his nerve while he stalked the door of the Transfiguration classroom from a prudent distance. He watched the fourth year Gryffindors escaping immediately after the bell rang, all of them wearing the tired expressions of people who had just suffered a double Transfiguration class.

"Diffindo!" whispered Cedric after taking careful aim.

Harry's bag split. Parchment, quills, and books spilled out of it onto the floor. Several bottles of ink smashed. Cedric felt a little guilty, but not so much since he was certain Harry had done the same to him to isolate him from his friends when he had told him about the egg clue.

"Don't bother," grumbled Harry when the Longbottom kid immediately bent down to help him. "Go ahead, save me a seat."

Unlike Cedric's friends, however, Harry's friends seemed reluctant to leave Harry behind. Hermione was already cleaning the ink from the books and parchment (she was really good at Charms) and Longbottom was offering to share his bag to carry some of the loose things. Cedric had almost resigned himself to have to talk to Harry in front of his friends when McGonagall emerged from her classroom.

"What is this mess?" she demanded.

"My bag just split, Professor," explained Harry. "About time, I guess, it was like a decade old."

"I have a spare bag in my trunk that you can use, Harry," offered Longbottom. "It's old too, but..."

"I hadn't realized you needed a new bag, Harry," said Hermione examining the old one, which really looked ancient. "I would have gotten you one for Christmas. One with extra pockets, maybe. More useful than that Quidditch book..."

McGonagall made an exasperated noise.

"You can sort that out later," she snapped. "Now I need to speak to Potter, go ahead to lunch you two."

Longbottom quickly finished putting some quills and empty ink bottles inside his bag and rushed off with Hermione, who continued charming parchments clean while she walked.

"Am I in trouble, Professor?" asked Potter as he piled a few books and climbed to his feet.

"I find worrying that you always ask me the same when I ask for a word, Potter," said McGonagall, sounding more amused that worried. "No, you are not in trouble, I just-"

She interrupted herself, and Cedric suddenly realized that he had not made much of an effort to conceal himself once the hallway had cleared from students.

"Do you need anything, Mr. Diggory?" she asked, beckoning him to come forward. Harry turned to look at him with an annoyed frown. Not very encouraging.

"I was simply waiting for Harry, Professor," he admitted. "But I can find him later, I-"

"I think I will go to lunch myself," said McGonagall suddenly. "Potter, come to my office today after your last class, we can talk then."

Without another word, she turned on her heels and walked away, leaving both Cedric and Harry staring at her retreating form in perplexity. That wasn't normal McGonagall behaviour.

The silence that followed was one of the most awkward Cedric had ever experienced. Despite being the one who had sought this encounter, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. For the first time he appreciated how hard it must have been for Harry to approach him to tell him about the mermaids.

"So... what's up?" said Harry finally, briefly meeting his eyes. He looked more curious than annoyed now, and that was probably what decided Cedric to finally open his mouth.

"I was wondering..." he began, and paused to take a deep breath. "I was wondering if I'm still in time to join the alliance."

Harry's bright green eyes widened in surprize behind his glasses.

"You want to join?" he asked in incredulity.

"Well... yeah."

His fellow champion regarded him thoughtfully for a long moment.

"Why?" he asked finally.

Cedric took another deep breath.

"Because it's the right thing to do, I think."

"You want to win, though," pointed out Harry. "You said that you wouldn't feel comfortable trying to win against your own allies."

Cedric sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I just want this to be over," he said, and the moment he said the words he realized just how true they were. He was tired of this, of having always a deadly task waiting for him, of being watched by hundreds of people, of not being able to talk freely with his friends. He was tired of being unhelpable, of feeling isolated even when he was with Cho, of not knowing whether he would be alive next year. Another set of extremely true words almost made his throat hurt as they blurted out of him, "I want all of us to survive."

He really wanted that. Cedric honestly didn't know how he would cope if any of his fellow champions died. He had known from the beginning that the Tournament was dangerous, that any of them could die, but only now that reality was truly catching up with him. Maybe it had taken him so long because he had been delayed in the first aid tent after the first task and had not seen Harry fight his dragon. Everyone said that that had been horrible, that they had been sure Harry would die. It was probably different hearing it than seeing it, though.

Maybe it had been to see that little girl jumping from Harry's broom into Fleur's arms what had made Cedric understand just what was at stake. Seeing and hearing Fleur desperation when time was running out and her sister was still at the bottom of the lake. Until then, Cedric had not been able to imagine how much it could hurt to lose someone. Even now, his entire Self shied away when he tried to imagine how it would have felt to be in Fleur's position.

Or perhaps it was Cho what had really put the fear of death in him.

He wasn't afraid only for himself, though. He knew, he just knew, that he would never be the same, and his life would be marked forever, if they all four didn't walk out of this alive.

By the way Harry was looking at him, he felt sure that he was feeling and thinking a very similar thing.

"All right," he said at last. "Krum and Fleur have to agree, but I'm pretty sure they'll say yes."

"You say yes, then?" asked Cedric for confirmation. For some reason, it was Harry's approval that really mattered to him. Maybe because it had been Harry the one who had invited him to join originally, or because it was obvious that both Krum and Fleur were protective of him and would follow his lead, or because he knew that he would have saved Cho if Cedric had been unable.

"Sure," said Harry with a shrug and a small smirk. "We need someone who wants to win, anyway. Fleur says that traditionally the Tournament ends when one champion touches the Goblet of Fire at the end of the third task. Neither of us wants to touch that thing, so you'll be of help."

Cedric couldn't help to laugh. He still had the feeling that Harry didn't like him, but it looked like he had already welcomed him in. And suddenly Cedric felt a lot less alone.

Shaking hands with Harry felt right.