Chapter 71
Severus woke up feeling alarmed and completely disoriented, his heart pounding wildly against his chest while his mind struggled to make sense of what was going on. It took him long seconds to consciously realize that he was awake, as oppose to dead or asleep, and to remember who, where and when he was. Then he recalled the triple dose of Dreamless Sleep he had taken before going to bed, which would explain the disorientation, and recognized the heavy feeling associated to prematurely interrupted potion-induced sleep. There wasn't any light coming in through the lake window, though, so it couldn't be his morning alarm what had woken him up. Something else must have happened, something intense enough to break through the near-comatose stupor induced by a triple dose of Dreamless Sleep. Some loud sound, or rough movement, or a seismic vibration, or...
Severus sat up so abruptly that he almost collapsed from dizziness. Somehow he managed to remain upright and conscious while he yanked up his left sleeve, but of course he couldn't see a damn in the pitch-black darkness of his bedroom. His brain was slowly catching up with him, however, reminding him that the Dark Mark burned when it was activated, and yet his arm didn't hurt so this couldn't be a summoning. Unless it had taken him so long to wake up that it had stopped burning, which would mean that he was really late, which would mean punishment...
His heart was beating at thrice its normal rate by the time he remembered how to turn on the lights, and he nearly passed out from lack of oxygen so long and hard he stared at his Dark Mark, not daring to breathe until he felt certain that it wasn't black nor burning nor showing any signs of recent activity like inflammation or throbbing.
Feeling immensely relieved, Severus buried his face in his hands and took several deep breaths to calm himself and try to allay his fear. He would have to wean himself off the Dreamless Sleep, he realized with dread, and he didn't have time for a slow withdrawal, with the Third Task only two weeks away, so the detoxification process was going to be brutal. His entire Self shied away from the unpleasant prospect, having gone through it several times in the past, but there was no way around it, he simply couldn't afford to sleep through a summoning or to face the Dark Lord with a less than razor-sharp mind.
Severus jumped again when a magical current suddenly shocked him from head to feet sending his heart into another wild gallop. He had a shield raised around him and his magic ready to lash out instantly, but before he could start throwing curses right and left Moody style something finally clicked inside his still befuddled brain and he understood that some ward must have been tripped. Everything would be shaking if someone were trying to get into his private chambers, so the alert must be from a more distantly warded place, like his lab or his office...
He was immediately on his feet and on the move, not even pausing to put on shoes before rushing out of his quarters. He knew it might be just one of his Prefects looking for him (they were instructed to report illness, severe nightmares and illicit activities), or Filch dragging some student caught out of bed, or Moody performing yet another infuriating inspection, but it could also be the Boomslang thief come to raid his stores again, and if that was the case Severus was determined to catch him —or her— in fraganti. He had laid a trap for the burglar, but he couldn't set anything too dangerous in case it was just a stupid student, so he should get there before any moderately powerful intruder could shrug off his harmless snares.
Severus had been prepared to have to deal with anything from a polyjuiced Death Eater to a possessed student or even the Dark Lord himself, but he had not been ready to find a bloody werewolf skulking in the shadows outside his office. Paralyzing terror gripped his stomach when he recognized Lupin and he realized that he was once again trapped underground with a creature of nightmares. The mild disorientation still affecting his intoxicated brain was replaced by vertiginous alertness, and he suddenly felt horribly exposed wearing nothing but a nightshirt —not that a hundred layers of the sturdiest clothes would make any difference against a werewolf, of course. Cold sweat ran down his spine, his fingers closed more tightly around his suddenly slippery wand, his mouth went dry, and he felt unforgivably stupid as he frantically tried to remember when was the last time he had seen the moon full. He used to sleep with his lunar watch under his pillow and carry it with him everywhere he went, how could he have relaxed so much as to not even being sure where he had put it? Last year he hadn't left the safety of his quarters without sparing a thought to the moon, always intensely aware of the threat and barely able to sleep during the week previous to the full moon because of his fear that the Wolfsbane might fail. How could he have gone from that to not have the slightest idea-
"The moon is new," said Lupin, slowly spreading his empty hands to show that he wasn't armed. His voice was hoarser than Severus remembered, and his presence somehow more imposing even though he looked dejected and his robes were more ragged than ever. "And we're both on the same side, Severus."
Severus didn't relax one bit. He couldn't take the wolf's word about the moon phase, for one, even if his passive Legilimency wasn't sensing any obvious lies, and as to being on the same side... that would depend on what side did Lupin think Severus was on. The werewolf might be appealing to their mutual Death Eater affiliation, for all he knew, addressing him dark supporter to dark supporter. Severus had finally accepted last summer that neither Black nor Lupin had had anything to do with the Dark Lord, but he was well aware that Lupin had had close dealings with Greyback during the war —there was a reason why he had suspected him of being the traitor in the Order—, and having been recently exposed as a werewolf it would hardly come as a shock if the spineless half-breed had given up on the human pretence and surrendered to his dark nature at last.
Could Lupin be the mole after all? There was something different about him, something off, and unexpected as he was as a suspect it would actually fit the facts quite well. Of course it would throw the Polyjuice theory overboard, since Lupin wasn't human enough to use such potion, but Severus had other suspects for the theft of Boomslang skin —Granger, for one, or whoever had brewed McLaggen's Polyjuice—, and it seemed too risky a move for an infiltrated Death Eater to break into Severus' office, so he was actually more inclined to believe the raider ransacking his stores was just a student with a death wish.
The wolf wouldn't have needed to bother with disguises. Knowing the castle so well and having such an unsuspicious identity he could have simply sneaked into Hogwarts to meet with a gullible Potter whenever he wanted, arranging rendezvous by owl and using the secret passage that connected the Whomping Willow with the Shrieking Shack (Severus had told Dumbledore that all those tunnels should be closed off!) to slip in unnoticed. The brat trusted Lupin unconditionally, so he would have kept quiet about the meetings if the wolf had asked him not to tell anyone, and he wouldn't have even blinked when Lupin had pointed his wand at him to confund him —just like he had just stared trustingly at Severus when he had obliviated him. Weasley and Granger wouldn't have suspected the werewolf either, which would explain why they had been as useless as Potter indentifying the moment when their inseparable friend might have come into contact with whoever had confunded him —Severus had assumed they had all been obliviated, but maybe the morons had instead kept watch loyally at the door while Potter was having his brain reshuffled by a former teacher.
The Crouch incident also would be better explained if the murderer had had access to that bloody marauder map at the time. Severus was pretty sure that the enchanted parchment had been in Potter's possession at least until January, but he also was certain that the boy had no longer had it when Crouch had been killed, so perhaps Lupin had borrowed it and used it to track his victim in the Forbidden Forest as well as to evade all pursuers after the crime. A former member of staff also would have been familiar with the Hogwarts elves, and the creatures might have still trusted him enough as to admit him in the kitchens and even share disclosable information, presenting him with the knowledge and access required to dispose of Crouch's elf before anyone could interrogate it.
And Lupin was definitely well positioned within Potter's circle of trust, which would give him opportunity to kidnap or kill the boy if he survived the Tournament.
Severus regarded the werewolf through narrowed eyes. His initial fear had been replaced by murderous hatred, and he craved nothing more than to tether the treacherous beast to the dungeon's floor with a ton of silver chains and torture a confession out of it, but unfortunately he had to handle this situation carefully. His office's wards had been tripped but not breached, which suggested that Lupin had simply knocked at the door and waited for him to come in response to the triggered Intruding Charm. That he had wanted to be found here by Severus.
If he was an agent of the Dark Lord, he wasn't hiding anymore, and if he was making contact on the Dark Lord's orders then this must be a test.
"What business brings you to Hogwarts in the dead of night?" asked Severus, keeping his wand firmly trained on the wolf's heart.
"I came to meet with Dumbledore," said Lupin. "He told me to come at night, probably so I wouldn't cross paths with any students."
The implication that Dumbledore was aware of Lupin's visits to the castle didn't reassure Severus in the least. There was nothing more dangerous than a wolf in sheep's clothes, playing the sympathy card with the shepherd while plotting to deliver the sheep to the other wolves waiting outside the paddock.
Not for the first time, Severus wished he could invent a potion to get werewolves stuck in their bestial forms. It was blood-chilling the thought of having transformed werewolves around any day of the month, but they wouldn't be able to deceive anyone if they showed themselves for what they truly were full-time, and then no one would object to a motion of total eradication.
"I'm certain that you know the Headmaster's office is nowhere near the dungeons," he said "Why the detour?"
"I wanted to talk to you... about Harry."
"What about Potter?" demanded Severus tightly. He would have expected a fellow Death Eater making contact to behave either arrogantly or obsequiously, depending on whether the fool thought himself above or below his rank. Lupin's despondent attitude didn't fit either of his expectations, and this unusual difficulty to predict an enemy strained his nerves to a near-breaking point.
"I'm worried about him," said Lupin running a hand through his hair. "I was just with him, out on the grounds, we were talking... he's very upset, and it worries me that he's still having trouble controlling his magic at this age. Cedric said that Harry blew up his aunt by accident last year, and I just saw him wandlessly change the colour of a fire in a fit of anger. I fear he might hurt himself or others if he can't control his emotions."
Thoroughly wrong-footed, Severus just stared at the werewolf, who stared back in that beseeching way anguished parents sometimes looked at him when he informed them that their stupid children had been sent to St. Mungos because they had thought a great idea to eat a pound of doxy eggs or some other idiocy of the sort. Definitely not the look he would expect from a Death Eater plotting to kill a child.
Could Lupin be just another insufferable member of Potter's fan club, fussing over everyone's favourite martyr just like Minerva, and also like Minerva coming to pester Severus with his concerns about the boy's emotional state? Was this really happening, or had he overdosed with Dreamless Sleep and gone over to hallucination land?
"You pulled me out of bed at two in the morning because Potter is upset?" he asked in disbelief, getting furious for a whole other reason. "What made you think I'd give a fuck? Go cry to Dumbledore about the brat!"
"I don't think Harry would appreciate it if I discussed his private matters with Dumbledore."
"And you think he would appreciate it better if you discussed his private matters with me?" asked Severus incredulously.
Lupin sighed.
"Perhaps not. But I need to talk to someone who has regular access to Harry. Someone close enough to keep an eye on him. And you're probably the only adult person he trusts right now, Severus, he won't listen to anyone else."
"Has the Lycanthropy Curse drilled holes in your brain? I'm a Death Eater, Lupin, the last person Potter would ever trust!"
"Harry has less of a problem with you being a Death Eater or even a dark wizard than you might think, Severus," said Lupin in an infuriatingly patient tone. "He knows that you changed sides, and that you have used Dark Magic to protect him. And you might say you don't care, but I know you have been looking after him. Harry told me that you have been advising him this year, that you healed him when he was hurt and gave him Dreamless Sleep to help with the nightmares. He knows that you worry about him, and he appreciates your help even if it comes with insults attached."
Severus stood frozen in the dimly lit corridor, cold seeping into him through his bare feet while his heart fluttered in panic. Lupin knew way too much, and by the sound of it Potter knew too. The boy must have finally begun to put the pieces together, and like the moron that he was he had blurted out whatever suspicions he had to the first person he had come across. Who else had the brat been talking to? Should Severus go right now to berate him about his stupid indiscretion? He didn't have enough context to determine with certainty whether Potter had been stupid or not by talking to Lupin, though, it might be that he had simply shared unsuspicious anecdotes with the werewolf. And the Vow seemed to make some allowances for general lack of intelligence —else Severus would have died months ago for not pointing out to the boy how stupid it was not to suspect anything with all the clues he had available— so perhaps he could afford to let it pass this one time.
The foolish boy might have shared his unsuspicious anecdotes with someone else, though. It didn't sound as if Lupin had talked to Dumbledore about it yet, but maybe Potter had confided in Miss Tattletale too, or he might have told his fellow champions and one of them —Diggory the Fair, most likely, or perhaps the French little chit— might have reported the cheating to the judges. Potter himself might be thick enough as to go ask the Headmaster why Severus seemed to be helping him.
Did the old man know about the Dreamless Sleep and the constructive insults? Would that be enough to make him suspect that Severus was somewhat excepted from the Goblet's restrictions? Perhaps not, but if Potter had felt the Dark Magic during the First Task and said something about it, or if he had mentioned the Christmas presents... And only two weeks before the damned Tournament was over! What would happen if Severus was sent away now? Would he die if he wasn't here to help during the Third Task? Would Potter die without whatever help he might be able to provide?
Dumbledore wasn't the only danger, though, he reminded himself as he glanced around with rapidly increasing paranoia. If Lupin wasn't the Dark Lord's agent, then someone else was, and that someone —or any random student with Death Eater connections— might be watching or eavesdropping right now. Severus was not concerned about the Dark Lord getting access to the memory of his trial —although he knew he would pay for having called his master a twisted fucker—, and he was confident that he could survive a conversation about the Quirrell year, but if it reached the wrong ears that he had gone out of his way to keep the brat alive this year... the Dark Lord would never forgive such interference, and Severus would not even try to explain, since no excuse or lie would be enough to fool his master then.
"Very well," he said after a frantic internal deliberation, "you want to talk, let's talk. But not here. You know the way to my lab."
He waved his wand threateningly to indicate that Lupin should lead the way, and after a brief hesitation the wolf took the risk of turning his back to him and directing his steps towards the more private and easier-to-clean-after-a-murder laboratory. Severus cast several detecting spells to make sure there was no one else skulking invisibly outside his office and just in case fumigated the corridor (with any luck Skeeter had been dangling from some spiderweb) before following, and a minute later he was pushing his most unwelcomed visitor through the notice-me-not charm that he kept always up around his lab.
"Do you have the map?" he asked bluntly once he had re-sealed the door, still holding the wolf at wandpoint.
Lupin looked confused.
"You mean the Marauder's Map?"
"How many other relevant maps are there?" drawled Severus. "Yes, that accursed tracking device that you arseholes used to have fun with."
He had understood last year, the instant he had seen the map, how Potter and Black had managed to ambush him so effectively. Even in seventh year, when Severus had been under the Dark Lord's protection and almost constantly shadowed by nasty bodyguards, they had found the way to ruin his life.
"I... I returned the map to Harry last year," said Lupin avoiding his eyes. "I assume he still has it."
Severus scrutinized the gutless creature for a few seconds, trying to decide whether he was telling the truth. Avoiding eye contact was a general indicator of dishonesty, but it could also simply mean that the subject was a coward too ashamed of himself to face judgement.
"Wait here," he finally spat. "Sit there, and don't touch anything."
It went against all his instincts to leave a potential enemy alone in his lab for any amount of time, but it wasn't as if he was keeping anything too valuable in there at the moment, and Severus would rather not conduct this conversation in a dress disadvantage. So after ascertaining that the werewolf had harmlessly sat where instructed and didn't seem to be planning on moving, he slipped through the passage that led to his private chambers —raising a dark ward behind him, of course— and went to put on some clothes and dig out his reassuringly cold lunar watch.
While he searched for the best-quality teaching robes he owned —to rub in Lupin's face the fact that he was still a respected member of staff—, he considered the map conundrum again. If Lupin didn't have it, and Potter didn't have it either, then who did? Perhaps Filch had confiscated it at some point? Or Moody, that night in January when Potter had dropped it along with the egg? The Auror having the map would explain how he always seemed to know where Severus was even when he had a notice-me-not charm raised around him. Although a combination of simple stalking and that wicked eye would be sufficient explanation too, so Severus couldn't be certain Moody was somehow tracking him, and it would actually made more sense if whoever had killed Crouch had the map. Perhaps the intruder had stolen it from Potter? Dumbledore was convinced that Pettigrew had run back to his old master last summer, so the Dark Lord probably knew about the map, and if his agent in Hogwarts was under guise then taking possession of an object that could identify him —or her— would have been a critical step in the infiltration plan.
I should have confiscated that bloody parchment myself last year, thought Severus with irritation as he gulped down a Pepper Up and a Wit-Sharpening Potion to dispel the chill and counteract the residual effects of the Dreamless Sleep. It was almost physically painful for him to acknowledge any achievement of the blasted Marauders, but if they had managed to permanently enchant a map to locate and identify by name all living Beings inhabiting the castle —including Dumbledore, who was generally untraceable, and pseudo-humans like Lupin and Hagrid—, then the device was undeniably powerful and Severus would not be surprized if it showed invisible people, polyjuiced individuals and transformed Animagi too. Potter and all those idiots had used it for childish purposes, to sneak around and bully Slytherins, but in the current times and with Hogwarts infiltrated by enemies it could be considered an invaluable espionage gadget, one whose possession might turn the tide of the war.
Everything that had happened this year —from Potter getting confunded and entered in the Tournament, to Severus swearing his life away, to Skeeter's exposé and Crouch's murder— certainly could have been prevented if Severus had had access to an object with such properties from the start.
Lupin didn't seem to have moved an inch in his absence, unless slumping his shoulders in pathetic mopery counted as movement. Severus lit a fire in the grate with a lazy flick of his wand and settled on a conjured armchair placed as far away from the werewolf as the dimensions of the lab allowed, leaving the door behind him and the counter between them for good measure. He felt considerably safer now that he had checked his lunar watch and verified that the full moon was weeks away, but there was still something hair-raising about Lupin's very presence that put him more on edge than ever in the past. Something that made him suspect the apparent docility might be just for show and that urged him to directly slay the creature instead of risking any manipulations or tricks from it.
He couldn't afford to kill Lupin until he had ascertained who might suspect him if the werewolf were to disappear without trace, though. And who might seek retaliation. If Dumbledore were the only possible objector Severus would not hesitate so much, since he was confident that the Headmaster would let him —and even help him— get away with murdering pretty much anyone as long as he did it working for the 'right' side and didn't leave insurmountable evidence behind. This could still be some sort of test from the Dark Lord, however, in which case Severus would not only risk his master's wrath by murdering a valuable agent and fellow Death Eater without express permission, he might ruffle Greyback's hackles too by slaying a member of his furry pack. And that vindictive savage couldn't be trusted to let go of a grudge even if the Dark Lord himself commanded him to so better not to provoke him if possible.
Of course he could not allow Lupin to go anywhere carrying tales of how Severus had been advising, helping and generally 'looking after' Harry Potter, but he might have to resolve this problem with memory charms rather than with murder.
"Does anyone know that you're here now?" he asked at last. "Or that you intended to make contact with me?"
Lupin visibly tensed, his dejected attitude instantly replaced by attent wariness.
"No," he replied after a pause. "Dumbledore is waiting for me, but he doesn't even know I'm in Hogwarts yet, and Harry thinks I went straight to the Headmaster's office so nobody knows I'm here." The werewolf hesitated. "It would be unwise to kill me, though."
"Would it?" drawled Severus softly, feeling a rush of murderous excitement at Lupin's apparent sincerity. Not every day a Marauder delivered himself to him without taking the precaution of letting someone know where they should look for his corpse. "Why?"
"Because I control most of the werewolves in Britain."
The statement was made in a neutral tone, but there a was dangerous edge to it that sent a shiver down Severus' spine and a wave of petrifying fear through his inner organs. It was suddenly evident what was different about Lupin, what Severus had immediately sensed when he had found the creature waiting outside his office tonight and the reason why he was more on edge than usual around him: the werewolf looked healthier than Severus had ever seen him. Stronger. And bigger, as if he had been working out and building up muscle. Lupin looked now more physically intimidating than Potter or Black had been, maybe even more intimidating than Greyback, and the eyes... no Legilimency was required to see the blood-curdling truth in those predatory eyes, the reality that the cursed entity sitting across from Severus had the power to unleash an army of infectious beasts on him.
He didn't realize that even his lungs had frozen in terror until a sigh from Lupin snapped him out of his embarrassing prey-like behaviour.
"I'm sorry," said the infernal creature, rubbing his beastly face with his human paws. "I didn't mean to frighten you. But you should know that I'm not just any werewolf."
Severus' first impulse was to deny he had been frightened by a bloody Marauder, but he knew that his reaction had been obvious, and Lupin probably could smell the fear anyway so he bit his tongue. As his heart slowly recovered its normal rate and his lungs began to expand properly again, he strived to reassemble his mental barriers and compose himself, the return of oxygen to his brain allowing him to process the new information with a less panicked mind.
It seemed that Lupin had effectively gone wild, just as he had feared, but it was worse than that. Severus had always assumed that Lupin would be a pathetic follower in any context he found himself in, but apparently he was only weak of character as a human. And maybe not even as a human anymore, since there was no way he could keep in line a pack of vicious werewolves the entire month if he was only assertive as a wolf. Plainly ceasing to take Wolfsbane —which was essentially poison, a debilitating potion if ever there was one— had done Lupin a world of good, health-wise, and embracing his monstrous nature instead of fighting against it had unearthed some long-repressed instinct of dominance.
Could the spineless Marauder truly rank so high in the dark hierarchy? Did this mean that Greyback was dead, or had Lupin formed his own pack? How many werewolves followed him? What did he intend to do with them?
"You say it would be unwise to kill you because you're not just any werewolf," finally managed to rasp Severus through his dry throat, tightening his grip on his wand. "But if what you claim is true, then you are THE werewolf to kill."
He really was. Werewolves were only a serious threat when they were unified and organized, and Lupin was much more disciplined and cautious than Greyback, not to mention better qualified as a wizard, so a big pack under his command would be a lot more dangerous.
"I would be, if we were standing on opposite sides of the war," said Lupin. "But we're not. I infiltrated Greyback's pack and worked my way up at Dumbledore's request, Severus, to try and keep the werewolves out of the war, and I can ensure that now. If you killed me, they would disperse and regroup, or worse, Fenrir might take over again, and his numbers would be much larger than before given that I recently merged all the British packs into one."
Severus regarded the creature that prowled his nightmares in contemplative silence. Could Lupin truly be working for Dumbledore? That should be relatively easy to confirm, and it would make sense that the old man had tried to pre-emptively infiltrate someone amongst the werewolves, just as he had put pressure on Severus to resume his role as a spy and, almost certainly (the Headmaster was still playing dumb about it), sent Hagrid abroad to live with the giants. Severus would not be surprized if Dumbledore had planted some mole right next to Fudge too, as well as in most Ministry departments, nor if he had already begun recruiting students and Aurors for his vigilante organization. The Dark Lord was not the only one with a taste for underhanded tactics, nor the only one who thought himself above the law.
It wasn't surprizing either that the secretive fool had neglected to inform his most rebellious spy about any of it, even though as an undercover Death Eater soon to be in friendly or unfriendly contact with all sorts of elements of the war Severus really should be aware of any fellow agents working on the field with him. He should also be aware of any valuable Ministry assets that he should particularly strive not to kill during a raid or battle, just as the other agents should know Severus was actually on their side, but of course it wouldn't be Albus freaking Dumbledore if the old sod told people everything they needed to know to do their jobs without getting killed by their own side or murdering allies out of sheer ignorance.
Severus gritted his teeth while he contemplated the deceptively harmless dark creature in front of him. It irked him to have to consider the possibility that he might be mistaken in Lupin, again, and even more that Dumbledore's highly questionable decision of welcoming a young werewolf into Hogwarts might have been strategically masterful, but it was beginning to look that way. Had the calculating bastard suspected back then that Lupin held the monstrous potential to someday bring the entire werewolf population to heel? Severus knew that Greyback had specifically targeted Lupin, and that the savage had made sure to turn the boy instead of killing him —a difficult feat that required a lot of planning and that could cost the werewolf his life, given the degree of exposure during the full moon— so he must have seen something special in the boy, something worth the effort and the risk. And for all his talk about tolerance and equality Dumbledore had never before nor after admitted another werewolf student in Hogwarts, so he must have recognized that potential too, and of course the old schemer had plotted to groom it for his own use. He must have given protection to the the parents after the attack, so Greyback could not claim the child, and by admitting Lupin into Hogwarts he had kept him away from his creator during his formative years, subejcting him to human —and Gryffindor at that— influences rather than werewof ones, offering him a magical education, even making him a Prefect to secure his unconditional loyalty... Dumbledore had probably recruited Lupin for his war organization while he was still a student, just like the Dark Lord had recruited Severus, and he had probably financed his Defence Mastery just like the Dark Lord had funded Severus'. He had saved the wolf from the guillotine at least twice, and he had shrewdly given him a job as an adult right on the eve of the new war, to have him freshly grateful when his werewolf services would be again required.
Dumbledore had set himself up as Lupin's benefactor and protector, and he had trapped him in his net of indebtedness just like he had trapped Hagrid and Severus.
Just like the Dark Lord had trapped Severus too, so long ago.
They are both the same, scheming bastards.
Both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord saw people as nothing more than potential weapons or tools to use in their personal war against each other. The difference between them was that the Dark Lord at least made that exploitation profitable for both sides, taking into consideration his subjects' needs and desires, while Dumbledore expected people to work and fight and die for him because they owed him or because it was 'the right thing to do', taking everything one had to give without giving anything in return. The Dark Lord took everything too, and he didn't allow anyone to leave his service either, but he made service bearable and even fulfilling by giving back everything one had ever wished for.
Almost everything.
Severus felt his left eye twitch.
His master had given him everything, except what he had most wanted. Severus had trusted him, and the Dark Lord had made a fool of him, using his love for Lily just like Dumbledore had, giving him false hopes, neglecting to tell him about Pettigrew... and he had killed Lily in the end, even though he had promised.
Dumbledore had also promised, and Severus had trusted him too. And Lily had died anyway.
He had worked like a slave for those two bastards, risking his life and freedom on a daily basis, doing everything they asked of him without question, and they both had failed to deliver the one thing he had asked for in return.
And yet they both still expected Severus to serve them. And they both expected him to do his job stumbling in the dark. Arseholes.
Feeling his resentment burning his throat like poison, Severus summoned a half-full bottle of Muggle Vodka that he kept stashed in his lab —hidden inside an old cauldron, in case Minerva got her knickers in a knot and tried to confiscate his booze— and filled two conjured glasses with the hardcore drink. He gulped down one and refilled it before levitating the other across the lab, daring his monstrous guest to comment when Lupin raised his hypocritical eyebrows at him. Severus might have degenerated enough as to go around drinking vodka at all hours of the day like his worthless drunkard of a father, but he would be damned if he let himself be judged by one of the bastards that had pushed him to it. Besides, he was hardly the only alcoholic in staff, Lupin must have sniffed them all out last year. At least Severus was more discreet than Moody with his flask, anyone should agree, and unlike the others he could compartmentalize his mind so a part of him always remained sober enough to interact with students and colleagues in a professional way.
The wolf wisely didn't comment, and after a brief hesitation he took a swallow of his own drink with such trustfulness that Severus regretted not to have summoned a bottle spiked with Veritaserum instead. Although he was pretty sure that Lupin could resist the truth serum, else the tight-lipped Marauder would have spilled everything about Black's animagus form when Severus had dosed him last year after the Halloween debacle. Or he would have confessed what the map parchment really was, as well as everything about the other secret passages, when Severus had laced his tea again —with a dose high enough to make Merlin sing— after Potter's illegal excursion to Hogsmeade. In retrospect, perhaps that should have alerted him that he indeed wasn't dealing with 'just any werewolf', since regular werewolves were not naturally resistant to Veritaserum and he had verified last year too that Lupin wasn't an occlumens.
Severus glared at the mongrel over his refilled glass. Lupin might not be an occlumens, but he had a very nasty method to scare people out of his mind, projecting forward all the pain and horror of his ghastly transformations until the intruder cringed away for sanity's sake. Greyback could do the same thing, which was why the Dark Lord had preferred to always work under the assumption that the double-crossing beast might be lying rather than risk a visit to his grisly mind. Torture was also an unreliable method of interrogation when it came to werewolves, given that the creatures tended to develop inhuman levels of pain tolerance after a few years of monthly transformations, and Lupin had been building up his threshold since he was a child so at this point the Cruciatus Curse probably felt like mere tickling for him. Such natural resistance to interrogation was convenient in a field agent that could be captured by the Dark Lord any day, but it was also inconvenient, since it meant no one could verify he truly was —and remained— on their side.
And Lupin merited regular trustworthiness checks even more than Severus did. He might be currently working for Dumbledore, but allegiances could change in a blink, and werewolves were already dark by nature so it didn't take much to corrupt them. Lupin clearly thought himself better than Greyback, but would he be able to resist temptation when envoys began to fall at his feet bearing gifts and fabulous promises? The Dark Lord could offer the werewolves civil rights and liberties that Dumbledore never could, and he was much better manipulating people and creatures into following him than the old man with his all moralizing speeches and guilt-tripping tactics, so if Lupin ever agreed to meet with him in person there was a big chance that the wolf would turn just like Pettigrew had.
And then they would all be in trouble.
The most judicious thing to do would be to use the spineless Marauder to get rid of all the werewolves now, before he changed sides or lost control over the recently consolidated British pack. It was a unique opportunity, since Lupin could not only pinpoint the current location of most werewolves —finding them had always been the greatest obstacle whenever some Ministry administration had tried to exterminate the unnatural race—, he could also easily direct them all into a trap or deliver them one by one for a controlled execution. In one neat, safe operation, the werewolf threat would be removed from the board, and if Greyback was put down too the Lycanthropy Curse would not spread again too quickly, since there would not be any surviving werewolves contaminating people on purpose.
That's what should be done, but of course Lupin would never deliver his own kind for slaughter, especially not now that he must be enjoying the perks of being the alpha male in a pack whose female component had been carefully chosen and primed for mating from a young age (Greyback liked to turn them before puberty, so he could imprint himself on their juvenile minds). And Dumbledore enjoyed to gamble with people's lives, so he would insist on diplomacy even if allowing an army of dark creatures to live might mean to enable the gruesome mass murder of innocent people later on. Severus could always propose precautionary imprisonment instead of execution as a middle ground, but he wasn't sure Azkaban was fortified enough to hold werewolves during the full moon —there must be a reason why the creatures were directly condemned to death even if their crimes were not severe enough to warrant more than a few months of jail time—, and the Dementors were likely to ally themselves with the Dark Lord anyway so putting the werewolves in their custody would equal to handing them in a silver plate to the enemy.
Perhaps Lupin could be persuaded to at least deliver Greyback? Or to kill him himself. It actually didn't make sense that Greyback was still alive, considering that he would be a threat to Lupin for as long as he lived. Perhaps he had fled before the new alpha could finish him off? That would make him extremely dangerous. Dumbledore should put out a warning for people to triple-ward their homes and not go out during the full moon, since no doubt Greyback would try to create new werewolves to replace his lost pack. And they should make a priority of apprehending the savage before he could make contact with the Dark Lord, since the Dark Lord not only could offer Greyback suitable subjects to convert, he could also provide the external assistance that werewolves needed during the full moon to turn their victims instead of killing them. With such a powerful wizard helping him, controlling his movements as a wolf so he only had the chance of taking a bite from each postulant before moving on to the next one, Greyback could amass a new army very quickly, so it was definitely urgent to find him.
Where would an exiled werewolf go? With both the Ministry and his fellow werewolves after him he would not have many options, especially if he didn't know yet that the Dark Lord was back and about. He might seek the help of some former Death Eater even if he didn't know, though. Not Lucius, probably, nor Macnair, and certainly not Severus... although Greyback knew that Severus hated Lupin, and thanks to Skeeter's article everyone knew —or thought to know— that he was plotting to return the Dark Lord to power. Would Greyback be foolish enough to try to contact him? That would make killing him a lot easier. If the Dark Lord found out about it, though, Severus would be in deep shit, just as he would be in trouble if his master found out that he had had the opportunity to kill Lupin without Dumbledore even suspecting him and let the beast walk away with his head on his shoulders.
Severus took a deep breath and emptied another glass of vodka to hopefully slow down his spinning brain, berating himself for having taken that Wit-Sharpening Potion. The Dark Lord himself had warned him against the use of cognitive enhancers, since minds like theirs worked naturally too fast and tended to miss things or go haywire when hyperstimulated. Severus had never detected any errors in his thought process under the influence of brain boosters, but he did tend to lapse out and lose awareness of his immediate surroundings when he got too caught up in a train of thought (which was awfully reckless if there happened to be a werewolf in his immediate surroundings), and he also had trouble trusting his own judgement when his mind jumped too quickly from one conclusion to the exact opposite without any sense of contradiction.
Just now, for example, he was thinking that he should kill Lupin regardless of his allegiance, but he wasn't sure he could trust such conclusion having concluded seconds earlier that he shouldn't rush to kill him if there was any chance the mongrel was loyal to Dumbledore. Lupin certainly seemed like too valuable an agent to lose, if he truly could and meant to keep the werewolves out of the war, but it was precisely that value what made killing him such an attractive move from a more selfish point of view. Severus was on shaky ground with the Dark Lord, and he knew that he would not win back his master's trust with just words or thoughts, not if he didn't support his claims with solid actions. And what better way to prove himself than to deliver the head of the new, light-leaning chieftain of the werewolves, leaving the monstrous race open to recruitment? A war with werewolf massacres every month was not a light price to pay, but if Severus didn't get ahead of this he might be required to demonstrate his allegiance some other way, like killing Potter or Dumbledore, which he simply couldn't do no matter how much he might wish to sometimes.
Even if he could fool the Dark Lord with just words, his reception would be much warmer —and less painful— if he brought a valuable 'welcome back' gift with him. Severus might even be allowed to keep Lupin's macerated head afterwards, although he would have to store it somewhere Dumbledore had no access to, because the old man would be really cross if he found out that Severus had deliberately sabotaged his long-planned scheme —even though he would have to admit that a trusted spy next to the Dark Lord was worth more than-
"You know your left eye twitches when you're thinking about killing someone, don't you, Severus?" said Lupin's annoying voice, breaking through his whirling thoughts. "You have always had that tell."
Severus scowled at the damned wolf.
"So what?" he spat. "If I decided to kill you it wouldn't matter if you saw it coming. You would die all the same."
Of course he was aware of his murderous tell. The Dark Lord had been the first one to point it out to him, and who had taught him how to control his facial muscles when he didn't want to give himself away. The Dark Lord would also probably be the last person to see his left eye twitch, since Severus didn't intend to repress his feelings if they ever met again, and letting on so clearly that he wanted to murder his master might cost him his life. Lucius no doubt would advise him to suck it up and make a show of obsequiousness and contrition like everyone else, but Severus had never been the grovelling type, and he would very much rather die than licking the boots of that fucker.
Yes, there were serious issues standing between him and his master, and they both knew it, so why pretend otherwise? Severus had reasons to be pissed off, not repentant, and the Dark Lord plainly was aware of that and wasn't confident about his ability to forget and forgive, else he would have contacted him years ago, when he had first returned to Britain with Quirrell.
He's more afraid to face me than I am of facing him, the bloody coward.
The Dark Lord probably expected Severus to try to kill him on sight, or at least to act out somehow, so perhaps spitting in his ugly face would be more appropriate and less suspicious than trying to ingratiate himself in any way. His master deserved a 'go back to hell' gift rather than a 'welcome back' one, so instead of bringing Lupin's head perhaps he should bring Greyback's, to show the lying bastard what happened when he left aggrieved subjects with abandon and anger issues alone and in the dark, without instructions nor a single indication that he still gave a fuck about them.
Severus could understand why the Dark Lord might be hesitant to meet with him, being a likely possibility that Severus might attend the meeting with Dumbledore in tow, but how hard could it be to grab a quill and write a few lines, if the coward had once again hands of his own to write with? He could charm the parchment so only a Death Eater could read it, and deliver the message through his secret agent at Hogwarts or through a simple student if he was worried about Severus' correspondence being intercepted. The Dark Lord was resourceful, and if he had someone on the inside he must know that the current security at Hogwarts was a joke, so there was no excuse for him not sending Severus a bloody letter explaining what the hell he had been thinking that ill-fated night in Godric's Hollow. Had he ever intended to keep his promise, or killing Lily had been part of the plan all along? Had he killed her as a lesson, to root out any weakness from Severus' heart? Or had it been a punishment? A punishment for what, though? Severus hadn't done anything wrong until that point, he had been the perfect subject, the most loyal and efficient. Had Lily done or said something to somewhat justify her murder? Did the Dark Lord even regret what he had done? Severus knew better than to expect remorse from that maniac, but did he at least acknowledge his mistake? Or did he think himself blameless, entitled to do whatever he wanted without his subjects being allowed to hate him for it?
Severus rubbed his forehead with his empty glass in an attempt to cool down his hyperactive brain. Maybe the Dark Lord had taken a Wit-Sharpening Potion that night? This stuff tended to make paranoid people even more paranoid, and the combination with a high dose of Dreamless Sleep —which the Dark Lord had always been addicted to— seemed to have rather maddening effects.
Or he might have been high on something else. It seemed out of character for the Dark Lord to carry out such an important murder with a less than crystal clear mind, but it was also out of character for him to make such a monumental blunder as killing Lily had been. And Severus had supplied his master with all sorts of recreational drugs back in the day, so the Dark Lord had certainly had access to mind-altering substances capable of making the user forget why it was a bad idea to kill someone who got in his way.
Great. One more way in which Severus might be responsible for Lily's death. He might as well have gone and killed her himself.
"This is stupid, Severus," said Lupin with a sigh. "We don't have to be enemies. I know that you hate me and mistrust me, but we're both on the same side, and we will have to learn to work together now that a new war is coming."
Severus felt the impulse to murder the wolf just out of annoyance. He had enough in his plate already, he really didn't need the cherry on top that was being waken up at two in the morning by a bloody Marauder who wanted to be pals or comrades-in-arms or whatever delusion had taken over Lupin's warped mind.
"What makes you so sure that we're on the same side?" he asked softly. "Most people think I'm a nasty Death Eater making a fool of Dumbledore, and I can't say they're wrong."
"Dumbledore trusts you," said Lupin with certainty.
"Dumbledore has half a mind to get me arrested," scoffed Severus. "He has much better reasons to mistrust me than Moody, and watches me even more closely, burgling into my personal quarters when I'm in class, going through my private correspondence, measuring levels of Dark Magic in my dirty underwear..." He scrunched his nose in disgust. He really hoped the old creep had been testing for Dark Magic and not flavouring his pheromones. "Dumbledore is not convinced of my allegiance himself, so whatever he told you to convince you is a bunch of lies."
Severus knew that encouraging Lupin to mistrust him would only make harder to extract information from him before wiping his mind, but he didn't care. The sudden uncertainty and worry in the wolf's eyes was worth more than whatever secret intelligence he might have to offer.
"I know you're on our side," said Lupin stubbornly after a troubled pause. "Dumbledore didn't tell me anything, but-"
"But you trust him blindly, like a good little Gryffindor?" sneered Severus. "Hagrid doesn't ask questions either, he's so conveniently grateful that he does whatever the Headmaster asks him to do and trusts whoever he tells him to trust without straining a single cell brain thinking for himself. I bet he didn't realize either that Dumbledore only vouched for him as a child because of his bestial connections... just like you."
Severus revelled in Lupin's betrayed and deeply wounded expression. He looked like a puppy that had been struck by his owner and couldn't make sense of it.
"What? Don't tell me that you thought Dumbledore admitted a filthy beast into Hogwarts out of the kindness of his heart," he mocked him. "Did you also think he trusted Hagrid with the responsibility of educating children because he's a competent teacher? Of course it must be just a coincidence that he employed the two of you last year and now he has two loyal half-breeds doing his dirty work for him."
It was a sweet sight that of a Gryffindor finally realizing that the great Albus Dumbledore was nothing but a manipulative bastard who used and sacrificed people like chess pieces. Severus was convinced that Dumbledore was actually a Slytherin in disguise, one cunning and skillful enough to have kept everyone fooled for almost a century. Everyone except the Dark Lord, of course. Tom Riddle had seen right through him, that's probably why Dumbledore had blocked for him all political avenues to power and done his best to discredit him long before he became a threat to the world.
It could even be said that Dumbledore had left the Dark Lord no choice but to embrace his darkness and take the world by force, since becoming Minister for Magic or Headmaster of Hogwarts had not been options available to him.
"Are you saying that Hagrid is undercover with the giants?" asked the disillusioned Marauder when he had finished wallowing in self-pity.
"He certainly is not here," drawled Severus, pushing away all those disturbing thoughts. "I would have expected Dumbledore to let you know, just as he told you about me."
"Dumbledore didn't tell me anything!" snapped the werewolf, his voice a harsh growl that made every last hair in Severus' body stand on end. "I didn't know for sure you had been a Death Eater until Harry told me an hour ago. Dumbledore didn't tell me anything about the Triwizard Tournament and Harry being a champion either, I just found out about the whole thing tonight. I don't even know if Voldemort is already back!" Lupin tossed off what remained of his drink and put down the glass with a highly controlled movement, his fingers twitching as if he wanted to smash it against a wall instead. "I was actually hoping you would tell me what the hell is going on, since I can't even count on Dumbledore warning me if the bloody planet were about to blow up!"
Severus sat in speechless silence for a long moment, taken aback by the angry outburst from the usually unflappable werewolf. He had seen him murderously furious in the memory of Pettigrew's confession, but never in person, so up close, and his first coherent thought was that it was a shame Lupin would not remember any of this, because it would serve Dumbledore right to have to deal with the wolf in his current frame of mind.
His second articulate reaction was dumbstruck incredulity. Could Lupin really not have known anything about anything before tonight? The Daily Prophet had been reporting on the Triwizard Tournament all year, and people must be still gossiping about Potter the Dragonslayer and Snape the Death Eater in taverns all around the country. Severus knew that wild werewolves tended to isolate themselves from human civilization, but were they really so completely out of touch with reality? And could Dumbledore really have been so careless as to not warn his werewolf agent that the Dark Lord had returned to full power and must be right now trying to track down Greyback's pack? It was true that the old man had only received some sort of confirmation of the Dark Lord's resurrection two weeks ago, but they had known since July that it was a strong possibility, so Lupin should have been warned months ago.
Was Hagrid also clueless, playing happy family with his monstrous mother in the Urals while silent shadows closed in on him? The semi-giant was strong, but he was barely qualified as a wizard, and no one would ever believe him capable of betraying Dumbledore so any envoys the Dark Lord sent to negotiate with the giants would not even consider to capture him alive.
Dumbledore was definitely the worst handler ever. The Dark Lord was a heartless psychopath and he took much better care of his agents, especially if they were so intrinsically valuable as Lupin, Hagrid and Severus were.
On the bright side, it sounded like simply wiping Lupin's memories of the last few hours and inserting some excuse for his delay to his appointment with the Headmaster would be enough to eliminate the threat of exposure on this front.
If only dealing with Potter's suspicions were so easy. But no. Whatever the boy had come to suspect he must have been turning it around inside his head for weeks or months, so it would still be there once Severus erased his conversation with Lupin. It would take a massive obliviation work to root out all the thoughts connected to his suspicions, and while Severus was an expert in memory charms he would not risk the boy's functionality and mental development subjecting his young brain to such an aggressive procedure. Confundment would be a safer alternative in that regard, but Severus would not risk that either so close to the Third Task, since confunded brains required some time to settle and Potter would need all his wits about him inside the maze.
Severus sighed. Most likely he would have to swear the brat to secrecy, and obliviate or swear to secrecy too anyone else he might have talked to about it.
"What did Potter tell you?" he asked tiredly, thinking that it would be easier to handle the boy knowing what sort of reception he could expect. Lupin had said earlier that Potter trusted him, but the last time Severus had approached him outside of class the brat had tried to blast his head off.
"He said that Voldemort is behind everything."
"Of course he is," hissed Severus with irritation. "What did Potter tell you about me?"
"Is Voldemort back, then?"
"Stop saying the bloody name!" snapped Severus. Reassuring as it was to hear Lupin speaking the Dark Lord's name in such an irreverent tone, he could only tolerate so many stabs through his left forearm without murdering the speaker. "Yes, the Dark Lord is back and operating from the shadows already. Now answer. What did Potter say about me? What makes you think he would ever trust a Death Eater?"
Lupin looked as though he might need a few minutes to process the news of the Dark Lord's return, but he must not want to try Severus' patience because he made a visible effort to put himself together.
"Harry seems to be rethinking things," he said with a dejected sigh. "Apparently Dumbledore showed him the memory of your trial, and witnessing your grief and remorse had an impact on him. I think recognizing you as a human being allowed him to empathize with you, to see you in shades of grey rather than solid black, and to acknowledge the good things that you have done for him. He still has reservations about you, but he can't really doubt your allegiance after learning that you betrayed Voldemort in an attempt to protect his family, and neither can I even if Dumbledore mistrusts you for some reason."
Severus sat frozen, struggling to keep an impassive facade while blinding rage and suffocating panic wreaked havoc inside him.
That bastard.
He had learned to expect all sorts of crap from the old man, but this... this was outright treason. Dumbledore had given him his word that the boy would never know, and yet he had shown Potter that memory without Severus' permission.
When was he going to learn that he couldn't trust anyone, ever, in any degree?
Nothing about Lily in particular or about the prophecy had been disclosed during his trial, so at least Potter couldn't have learned about that watching the memory, but that wasn't very reassuring. If Dumbledore had betrayed him that much, then he might have betrayed him all the way, telling the boy absolutely everything and even showing him more personal memories to demonstrate just how human and weak Severus was.
The idea that James Potter's son might have seen him weeping like a girl was simply unbearable. It made his heart throb with the darkest need, and his throat burn with a powerless rage he hadn't felt since he was sixteen and hanging upside down over a laughing crowd.
Feeling his left eyelid tremble, Severus repressed the murderous twitch as he very consciously reminded himself that he couldn't kill Dumbledore.
Well, he could, probably, but he would have to sacrifice Potter and himself to do it, so no, he couldn't. He shouldn't. Besides, Dumbledore deserved a much worse fate than simply dropping dead without pain nor awareness. The old creep should die knowing himself a fool, betrayed and defeated by his own meddling, victim of some nasty curse that gave him plenty of time to reflect on his foolishness.
Severus felt tempted to grab Potter the instant the Goblet of Fire turned off and escort him to the enemy side himself. Let the manipulative bastard handle that. Having his Golden Boy turned against him, used to vanquish him instead of the Dark Lord, would be the perfect retribution for all the Dumbledore shit Severus had had to put up with since he was a student.
The Dark Lord would never agree to keep Harry Potter alive and healthy, though, and he would not dig his own grave grooming him for power —not the least because he would easily guess Severus would try to use the brat against him too. Potter was just too dangerous a weapon to hold, wield or simply keep around, and he would be an even more dangerous player when the boy grew into his power and started pursuing his own vendettas. After hearing about the dragon, the Dark Lord would have made a priority of eliminating so obvious future threat even if there had not been a Prophecy announcing it as such, so there's no way he would consider to spare him.
Severus was stuck here, trapped in this hellish situation. He couldn't run back to his master, but he couldn't run from him either. He couldn't kill him anymore than he could kill Dumbledore or Potter, nor could he free himself from any of them.
But he couldn't live like this either.
Would it be safe to obliviate everything Dumbledore had shown and told the brat? Now that he knew, Severus could almost pinpoint the exact day when that betrayal had taken place, since he had noticed a change of behaviour in Potter after Crouch's death that wasn't satisfactorily explained by the traumatic experience of watching someone die —not when the boy was already quite familiarized with death and had killed himself in three different ways. If he was right about the timeline, then selective obliviation might be a viable option, since it wouldn't be so dangerous to erase less than two weeks of thoughts stemmed from one specific conversation. And if the old bastard realized that Potter had forgotten and had the nerve to make a fuss about it Severus would be right here waiting to throw any recriminations back into his treacherous face.
He had a much more serious problem to worry about than Potter having seen private memories of him, though. If the boy had been talking with Dumbledore about Severus, there had definitely been occasion for the Dreamless Sleep and the constructive insults to be mentioned, and for the Christmas presents and the First Task to be discussed. And if all those suspicions had already reached the Headmaster's ears...
"Harry is extremely confused," continued babbling Lupin, completely oblivious to Severus' internal crisis. "He knows that you're on his side, and that you have been protecting him, but apparently Dumbledore didn't tell him anything about you and Lily so he doesn't understand why. No one had told him the truth about James and Sirius either, he didn't know that they used to bully you, and I don't think he had really assimilated that Sirius almost killed you with that prank. I tried to explain to him tonight, but..." Lupin sighed heavily and glanced at his empty glass as if wishing for another hard drink. "Harry took it much worse than I had anticipated. He understands your position now, but I fear I might have done more harm than good by telling him now."
The instant of relief Severus had experienced hearing that Dumbledore at least had not told Potter about Lily was overridden by gut-wrenching horror when he realized that Lupin had disclosed a much more embarrassing secret. Could this night get any worse? Damned them all! Why couldn't they keep their noses out of his private businesses? And the bloody wolf! Lupin had never moved a finger to interfere with Potter's entertainment, but now that his interference could only make things worse he decided to start meddling?
No doubt the biased Marauder had painted his friends as noble Gryffindor heroes, so the brat must be more amused than upset right now, rejoicing in the mental image of his chivalrous father and hilarious godfather bringing down together the evil Slytherin villain to everyone's applause. Severus could already see the vindictive gleam in Lily's eyes, the 'serves him right' look in Potter's face when he strutted in for his next Potions class, and he could hear hundreds of students snickering behind his back when rumour spread...
No.
Severus snapped himself out of his panic attack with brutal determination.
No.
This would not spread, and Lily's son would never get to look at him that way. Severus could handle a lot of things, but not that.
Not that.
Dealing with Dumbledore and the Dark Lord would be challenging enough, he would not accept this crap added to all the other crap he was already drowning in.
He would not.
Severus made sure his face remained impassive while he readied himself to strike.
The wolf did not see it coming.