IT'S STILL WEDNESDAY ALBEIT FIVE MINUTES FROM THURSDAY! SO I STILL DID IT! I REMEMBERED! MUAHAHAHAHA.
Chapter 9
It had taken a better half of his morning, but Percy finally convinced Annabeth to take a day off work, and to let him drive her precious little car. Empowering was the word he'd use to describe being behind the wheel as he laughed off every one of her murderous threats and growls.
"Not telling!" He'd grin at her frustration when her demanding questions went unanswered.
"Seriously, you Seaweed Brain." Annabeth grumbled, crossing her arms. "Where the hell are you taking me!?"
"You'll see."
"All I see is fields of dirt and dead-looking trees," she complained. "What the hell am I supposed to be seeing here?"
"You'll see."
"This is technically kidnapping. You know that?"
"Eh, I've done worse."
"Than kidnapping? Doubt it."
"Still not telling."
"Argh! You're such an ass!"
Percy cackled at her aggravation again and continued driving with a full heart. A spasm of pure joy spiraled through his system when they crested a hill.
The boring browns and grays from the dead fall weather gave way to a brilliant pop of colour in the distance. A blot of colours were rippling in the wind and arching into the air so brilliantly that it disturbed the horizon line. Stripes of vibrant purples, reds and yellows stood out in an eye bleeding way against the drained world around them.
"Hey look, someone's setting up a hot air balloon," Annabeth said nonchalantly. Following its majestic curve with her eyes as the dome rose upwards in the sky. The basket was still anchored trustedly to the solid frozen ground. It's riders, three little figures in the distance, were milling around the base. Percy's heart did a twirl, half in dread.
"Yep." His grin broadened. Flicking on the signal, he reigned the car in and swerved it down a gravelly, bumpy country road. Trying to keep his lips in a mildly interested purse as they rode down the side of the field hosting the balloon.
"What are you doing?" Annabeth's voice held a conscious alarm. By the way her hands gripped the side of her seat and the look of panic peppered in her eyes, she had already figured out exactly what they were doing.
"We're doing a hot air balloon ride," Percy announced.
Parking the car made it feel more final. More real. His pulse was skittering in his veins. To be truthful, he hadn't exactly thought it completely through. It wasn't something he wanted to do either, but it was something that he wanted to see her do. Slight revenge for her treatment of him.
"We're?" She repeated. Her eyes wide.
"Yup." He confirmed. "We're."
"Oh hell," she said. "You know there are simpler things I haven't tried. Not to mention the fact that I distinctly told you that I don't want to die. Remember that tidbit?"
"But none as boast worthy as this. Plus it's totally safe." Percy pointed out while popping open his door. "C'mon!"
Despite the unwillingness on her face, Annabeth slipped out of the car and followed from a very cautious distance. Stumbling over the short stubble of grass plastered around the field while her beautiful sparkling grey eyes traced the outline of the puffy magnificent contraption before them over and over. Intrigued.
"Ahoy! Final passengers spotted!" A short, well built man greeted them from the base of the balloon. His soil coloured eyes glimmered with an unbridled zest as he strode forward to shake Percy's hand firmly. Friendliness oozed out of his expression like a lollipop under a summer sun.
"I'm Leo! Your pilot for today's flight. It's perfect conditions for a successful take off, so I suggest we get you buckled in and I'll explain the necessities as quickly as possible."
His tone and skillful layout of information drove Percy to believe that this wasn't his first time hosting such an event. (Which was obviously a huge relief)
"Oh joy," Annabeth said as she was helped into the surprisingly spacious basket. "Here we go."
Leo must've been joking, because there were no buckles. The basket's wicker sides were thin and appeared delicate. A fabric sleeve hooked over one side contained the regular first aid kit, emergency supplies, and laminated instructions. Two bulbous metal tanks of propane took up a good third of the basket, Percy noticed as he clambered over the high walls and settled in. Between him, Annabeth, Leo, two others, and the propane tanks it was fairly crowded.
The glare from the afternoon sun cast warm glows across everyone's faces as subtle nods were given in small acknowledgements.
"Isn't this exciting?" A woman with dark corkscrew curls grinned at him in enthusiasm. Flecks of gold embedded in her honey coloured eyes made them sparkle twice as much as her excitement. Percy reckoned that her dark skin tone was hiding a delighted blush. "I've never been on one of these before."
"I never wanted to be on one of these before." The large asian man to her left groaned in protest. "Why this?"
"Same," Annabeth muttered.
"Are you two celebrating an anniversary too?" The woman set her eyes upon Annabeth with a kindred happiness.
"No. We're just friends." Percy's voice was synced with Annabeth's in an unimpressed tone
At the sound of their voices in unison, they shared a semi-grossed glance with each other before Percy had to look at the ground and restabilize his breathing.
He didn't think he'd be this nervous for a hot air balloon.
"Oh." The girl laughed off. "My mistake."
She was wearing thick gloves, but her companion's callous hands were visible and displayed a single, simple wedding band. The center of the ring was polished from wear, while the skirting ridges against his skin still shimmered, as if new.
Two years of marriage at most. Percy summed up. Inconspicuously scanning over the rest of their forms, picking out the little inconsistencies in a matter of seconds.
Paint on her inner cuff. He noticed right away. Fresh paint, dries flaky. Must be washable sort. Hair pinned back, and wrinkles lower waist on her coat as if something consistently pinches her down there. Or hugs.
Day care worker. First flashed across his mind. Or maybe a kindergarten teacher. Perhaps even a stay at home mom.
He was harder to read. The tall asian man, chinese if Percy's ethnic facial recognition still served him well. The way he stood was a bit hunched but that could've been attributed to anything. It was the cracks around his fingers, and the dryness of his hands that led him to believe he held a job requiring sanitation.
Doctor or a Chef perhaps.
He didn't have time to determine more. Leo stood up and started talking. Addressing the must dos if an emergency struck. Then without warning, he flicked the propane on and a loud flare of sound burst to life with the flailing flame screaming static into the depths of the balloon. A wave of heat rolled outward, and tingled against the tips of their cheeks as Leo hollered one last time before unlatching the rope and letting them drift away from the earth.
Annabeth jolted and latched onto the edge with a wild flighty look widening her eyes. For a moment she looked to the ground as if wondering if she could still make a break for it, then her eyes flashed at him with a heat in them. Regretting her decision to not fight Percy tooth and nail on this trip, he reckoned. A look he cherished and accepted with a little wink and smug smile.
"This is safe," she said instead of pushing Percy overboard. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself. "Right? Tell me this is safe."
"Of course it is!" Leo chortled at the way she was gripping the edge. "I made this baby myself."
"You wha-"
Annabeth's concerns were lost to the noise of the fire. Heat tumbled into the chute and sent them soaring higher. The shadow the balloon cast against the dark field grew smaller by the second.
Colder brittle drafts of air buffeted them from all sides, and by the time they were over the shock of lift off, the fields below looked like checkerboards. The city in the distance was nothing but a pile of creatively placed toy blocks.
But Annabeth wasn't lost by the expanse of the ground. Her head was craned around so she could stare up into the balloon. The flickers of flames that shot up into its emptiness. Not scared. Not anymore.
Curious. Fascinated almost. It was as if the giant fire ball of blistering heat and light had washed away her worries and gripped her into a state of semi hypnosis.
The Ocean is mysterious.
"Beautiful," The lady gasped. Hanging over the side with her phone to shoot picture after picture of the rolling landscape.
"Hazel… please…" The man murmured in concern. "I wouldn't lean out so far if I were you."
"It's fine Frank."
"Totally safe folks," Leo assured, as he sat perched on the edge. Eyes glued to his passengers rather than the view he'd probably seen a million times.
"These contraptions have been around for eons."
"Doesn't mean it's been safe for eons," Frank grumbled pointedly. Keeping as far as physically possible from any of the edges.
Leo shot him an unimpressed look.
Annabeth, being oblivious to all this, was finally easing into the height difference. Every few seconds she'd venture more and more to the edge of the basket. Her hungry gaze found all the little landmarks scattered far below. Mouth half open in an expression of awe. More relaxed, Percy observed, now that they were at peak height.
"Worth it?" he asked her confidently.
She nodded mutely, resting her elbows against the black rubber rim of the basket. Wonder lay in her sparkling grey eyes. Wonder. He didn't even know she had any left. But there it was, softening her pupils and widening her eyes until she looked as sweet and innocent as a fawn exploring the world for the first time.
This… isn't what I came for… but…
Why was there always a but when it came to her? He was going to kill her but- He was going to let someone else kill her but- He wasn't going to become part of her life but-
He'd spent money, drove all that way, wrangled her out into the countryside in order to force her up a balloon and get an hour's worth of her hissing and scoffing and cursing at him but now none of that mattered. Now, he wasn't looking to tease her to death in a place she couldn't escape.
The Ocean is indescribable.
Percy looked to the sky in a sort of contently thoughtful state. There it was, up so high, still blue, still full of lazy clouds and still out of reach. He was in the sky, and yet he wasn't even close to it. It was a mirage made by the atmosphere. He could see it, but in the end it wasn't really there.
It was like water to the dying man in the desert. Always out of reach.
"And over there is our town's largest, and only stadium, where more people have died than in this air balloon." Leo was rattling off areas in a very sassy manner as they floated by in a dreamy way. Annabeth's face, pink from the cold, was enraptured by what she was seeing. An intentness in her gaze that only ever surfaced when she was reading a book.
It was downright adorable.
"And over there we have the wonderful view of the ocean." Leo directed their attention to the left. "Where hundreds of people die every year, compared to hot air balloon death stats."
"Anyone else feeling targeted?" Frank raised an eyebrow.
Percy didn't answer.
The setting sun was glittering across the open surface. What he knew were waves looked like ripples over a puddle as the watchers stood so far away. A deep navy blue in the cold, and vastly majestic from this point of view. Spanning so far it looked like it met the sky and rolled together with a seam of fog and spiderwebs.
The city below was a network of ants. Organized in squares and buzzing with little activity. It was so small yet impactful and… strangely familiar. Watching cars from this point of view, that is.
Percy felt his throat tighten as a tendril of cold air slunk into his coat. Something whispered by before it sunk its deep hooked claws into his head.
He's just a boy.
Heavily, he exhaled. A sharp distinct feeling of dread sprayed into his stomach like sand from an hourglass. Cold leached into his face as the blood drained. Familiarity was burning holes into his skull. He yanked his head back away from the edge of the basket.
What was that?
It was an inkling, a moment, a feeling crawling back to him. A zombie breaking free from its grave before it idled towards him crookedly. Had he not put enough stones on top of it?
Please… don't.
Wildly, he glimpsed down at the spiraling world below him once more. The dots of cars moving at snail paces, the plots of land with block-like roofs, the birds singing and flying beneath them. It was familiar, it was painfully close. This was the trigger that brought him the moment.
The slap of cold wind was there too, skimming beneath the hem of his shirt and sending hissing goosebumps racing over his skin with all its teasing prickles.
If you love him, you should listen to me.
A sharp spike of heat raced down his spine before it shattered through his mind. The memory, one of many of which he had buried.
"Gabe… please no! I'll do anything!" His mother's voice had sounded so fragile. The desperation locked in her tone made her words hoarse and weak.
"If you love him, you should listen to me more." Gabe was seething.
Percy couldn't breathe. His neck was burning from the pressure as he lay helpless to the man his mother married. In terror he glanced down to the dizzying streets below, the cars passing without heedence to his gurgled cries. Limply, he dangled halfway out of his apartment. Held there by the power of Gabe's meaty hand. The cold tickled his adrenaline fevered skin.
"He's just a boy," Sally whimpered.
"And you're just my wife," Gabe growled. "I expect food when I get home. Not an excuse. This little punk can take care of himself if he's sick."
The fear in these moments were unbearable. Suffocating, choking, twisting and burning as it gripped him as tightly as Gabe did. Oh, how he hated fear.
"Please… don't…"
Reality sucked him back in. A fleet of thoughts erupted in his mind as his heart lurched dangerously. The long forgotten memory branded a mark against his brain. He stumbled back with a weak gasp. Pain, fear, hate, pain, loss, grief, pain, pain, pain, why?
Emotions.
Why the hell had he let them back into his life? He had spent so long building up that dam. Letting in the good emotions he suddenly felt, meant releasing a few ghosts as well. Haunting memories that contained more heart shredding emotions then he could've ever forgotten.
Stupid, stupid stupid.
Annabeth was looking at him oddly. Exhibiting worry in her brows as he stood there with a pained expression. Letting the world know how he felt through that thing most people have called a face.
Water. Cold clear, smooth. Water… Wa-ter.
He erased it in an instant. Battling the loss stripping out strings of his heart as the memory replayed itself in horrendous vivid detail.
'What's wrong?' Annabeth mouthed.
'It's nothing.' He tried to assure her with a compliant smile. She was going to protest, she was going to get down to it, she was going to make him open up.
"And over there, we have the world's greatest restaurant; Al's Pancake World," Leo announced with a thrilled smile. "Golden brown discs of heaven, soaked in the sweet blood of Canadian trees, and drizzled with holy cow butter. Can anyone tell I missed lunch?"
"Dang, now I just want pancakes." Hazel paused her continuous photoshoot. Giving Frank a longing look with the evident question.
His head throbbed. He hated this. He hated the memory of his mother's worry twisted voice.
"Me too," Leo sighed dreamily.
"Well, if you want we could all go down after the flight and get some," Frank offered graciously. His eyes flickered to every member of the little adventure in an open invitation.
"Sure!" Percy readily agreed to escape Annabeth's searching look. Her face contorted to confusion at his sudden acceptance.
There was a grindingly slow burn engulfing his heart. Ignoring it wasn't helping. Why wasn't it helping? .
"Trying new things… remember?" He muttered to her lowly. Brushing away her look as she glared at him. Directing his full attention back to the group.
"Sounds like a plan." Leo grinned, already licking his lips. "That is if we don't crash and die."
He was joking, but Frank still glared.
.:oOo:.
Percy avoided looking down for the rest of the flight. His stomach was toiling over the remaining nausea brought on by that sickening memory.
Every once in a while Annabeth would shoot him an expression that made him paste on that wonderful mask of disinterest, yet still she saw through it. It wasn't until they were carted back to the launch site did Annabeth have a moment to confront him.
"What happened?" She asked the dreaded question.
"We went on a balloon ride?" Percy played oblivious.
"No, on the balloon."
"We saw our city from a new perspective-"
"Percy." Annabeth lowered her voice in a demanding way. Her eyes sharpened to an icy point. "Why did you look so… pained?"
"It's nothing," he brushed off while sliding his seatbelt across his chest in a fluid movement. Crossing his fingers that she would just drop it.
"Percy-"
"It's fine, honestly."
"Percy, I can tell that you're-"
"When we got drunk, was that the first time you went drinking?" Percy raised an eyebrow at her. Remembering the smooth lie she gave to Piper the night the brunette returned home. Using it as a rebuttal of sorts, trying to knock her attacks down with one of equal background. It was underhanded, but hey, that was the way he was used to playing.
Annabeth paused, taken off guard by his sudden question. But she was compliant? Not defiant? She was thinking of answering it?
"No," she said. "It's not."
"Then why did you lie to Piper about drinking?" He sounded colder than intended, but it summed up the way he felt pretty well. He'd rather ice his insides then feel them at the moment.
"I… I used to have a drinking problem." Annabeth grimaced, turning her face away in shame with her voice heavy. "Before I met Piper…. I can't remember a day of my life when I was fifteen. I drank so much, everything from that year is a blur. I was in a group home so it was easier to hide. The neighbours next door worked at a brewery and had an entire cellar full of alcohol so I'd… break in and steal some whenever I just…"
Annabeth exhaled. Embarrassment bent her head towards her lap, and struck her cheeks pink. Where did all that pride go? Why was she admitting this? She had to stop being so inconsistent.
For once, she wrapped her arms around her torso in a sort of self-hug. A comforting maneuver people do in situations of extreme unease.
Percy would've noticed but he was floating in stunned awe. It was like a breath being released hearing her say that. A finally. A part of them where their lives mirrored each other by their own hands existed. She drank to forget too. In one way, she was like him.
The Ocean is imperfect.
"Only when you were fifteen?" Percy asked incredulously. Remembering his entire teenage years as pitfalls of drunken nights and shoddy training. The fizzing feeling died as he thought about it more. Realization was sticking pot holes in his system.
"I quit cold turkey on my sixteenth birthday," she murmured. "Figured that drinking would ruin my life."
Quit cold turkey. Percy clung to her words. Annabeth… how?
He'd thrown bottles and bottles against the wall in anger at how reliant he was on the stuff. The guilt that came with every breakdown of this attempt to get over it. Did she face none of this stuff? Was she just so strong that everything around her was like putty to her hands?
How? How? How?
"Piper's dad was my next foster." Annabeth explained. "Things got better after that, so I had less of a reason to go back to drinking, much to Piper's disappointment."
"Oh."
Who was he kidding, their lives were nothing alike. It was like they were dealt the same cards but instead of working hard and winning the game like Annabeth, Percy had maniacally set his hand on fire. Why was he even bothering to compare their lives?
He could never make his life into hers.
"Perce." Annabeth drew him out of his thorny contemplation bubble. He realized he was scowling into the distance and instantly wiped his face of any emotion. The darkness within the car helped hide any misgivings in his eyes. "What happened up there on the balloon?"
"We're going to be late for that pancake party." Percy grumbled with irritation prevalent in his emotions. Gesturing to the wheel as if she'd just listen to him and start the car.
Stop asking.
"Percy-"
"What?!" He snapped with a growl. For the first time in eons a flare of anger was blossoming in his chest. The cool collectiveness he always seemed to maintain had vanished. An explosion of feeling was breaking him down from the inside out. He didn't like it. He wanted things to just stop. He hated the hurt and how it drove him to be who he was. He hated how he fell into it every damn time. It was coiling and tight and sharp and he wished he never remembered that stupid moment in that grease pot of an apartment oh so long ago .
He wished he could forget it all. He wished… he had a drink.
Deeply, he breathed in. Familiarizing himself with the smell of old upholstery and the fading car air freshener. Trying to ground himself again. Focusing first on the cold radiating from the windows, then the low hush of heat racing through the vents and finally the thrum of electricity kneading under his seat.
Annabeth's expression was between anger and confusion. Like she was debating whether to snap back at him or take him to a therapist office and dump him there. Between the layers of emotions in her eyes, he could read one more: Betrayal.
"I'm sorry." Guilt was playing acupuncture to his heart again. "I didn't mean… I … I'm just…"
Sighing heavily, Percy buried his head in his hands. Rubbing his face and sweeping his fingers back into his hair. Annabeth leaned forward to turn the heat dial down. Lowering the background noise. Waiting expectantly for an answer.
"I'm… not ready to talk about it yet."
It.
The tale of his long and traumatic childhood. A lead up to the horror stricken story of his mother's death. A collection of events that built a sinner.
He didn't want her to know. She was separate from all that. She was untouched by his dirt.
Are you sad?
A flutter of contact brushed over his knuckles. Percy jolted. Softly, tentatively, Annabeth's hand slipped into his after a thoughtful pause. Her skin was smooth and warm and sent a soothing element go gliding into his core. A gesture he never experienced before. An unspoken phrase murmuring 'I get it. I'm with you. Let me in.'
If she had tried to say anything else to him, he would've shut her out. She knew that. She knew how to break down his walls. How terrifying.
"I respect that," she said. "I just want to make sure you're okay."
Okay? Okay? He had the sudden urge to tell her.
No, not about the events of his life or his grudges and grievances. He wanted to tell her how it hurt. How she hurt. How being with her was shifting all those things inside of him all at once. Enabling his little army of demons to coordinate assaults on him.
He wanted her to know that she hurt him just by being. That being cracked open is a painful bitter process that he didn't consent to. Maybe, just maybe a little part of him wanted her to take accountability for it all too. But he knew it was ridiculous. That he was ridiculous. His burns weren't hers to dress.
Is the person worth the pain?
"I'm fine… just rattled," he lied. Letting his shoulders fall as he retracted his hand. "Now, Al's pancake world?"
Annabeth didn't answer. She gave him a final discerning look before sticking the keys into the ignition and starting the car. Pulling out of the field without a second word.
Percy be a little messed up right now.