After the whole fiasco with Barty Crouch, Sirius almost carted Hermione off back to the Hospital Wing, but she convinced him not to. They made it to charms and took seats in the darkest corner in the back of the classroom. Hermione was placed in the center of their group, Sirius and Remus sitting directly next to her. She looked calmer already, but her face was still somewhat pale, and she kept having to cross her notes out when she wrote something down incorrectly.
Sirius spent most of the lesson keeping watch over her, feigning attentiveness to the class but most of his focus was on the girl beside him. He could tell that his friends were somewhat distracted as well. James kept glancing around him and was so preoccupied with checking Hermione that he didn't even greet Evans, and Peter was jiggling his leg in the way he does when he's got something on his mind. Remus was just Remus, even without an outward sign, his heightened senses would be more attuned to what's going on next to him, and Sirius just knew every one of those senses was focused on the girl to his right.
After watching her scratch out another line of notes, much more vigorously in her increasing frustration, Sirius pulled his arm around the back of her chair as discreetly as he could and thumbed circles into her shoulder blades and carding his fingers through her curls. The set of her shoulders slumped and she leaned slightly towards him.
Luckily charms was right before lunch, so when they finished they walked her to the Great Hall, keeping her between them so that a repeat situation didn't happen. They all sat down chatting about quidditch tryouts that were coming up that friday. Sirius and James had been on the team since their second year, and knew they were practically shoe-ins for their positions. Their captain insisted on having tryouts for all positions though just to be fair.
"You'll come watch? Won't you, Kitten?" he asked Hermione, using his best puppy eyes on her, making her laugh for the first time since before charms. There was a tension that relaxed among the boys. Sirius and James' grinning faces became just that bit more genuine.
"You're going to give them more of an inflated ego than they already have if you go," stage-whispered Peter behind a half eaten sandwich.
"They're going to try and show off knowing someone is there specifically for them," put in Remus rolling his eyes. "We stopped going after our third year because they kept doing unnecessary loop-dee-loops and the captain almost sacked them."
"Loughty, only ever threatened to make us run around to Black Lake 7 times when Evans came to cheer on Dorcas, and Prongsy, here, kept making dangerous swoops near where she sat when we were supposed to be drilling," corrected Sirius lifting his nose and sniffing, haughtily. "He never actually threatened to kick us off the team, we're too good." Both Sirius and James nodded at each other like it was a proven fact.
Hermione watched the two preen for a moment before catching Remus and Peter's eyes. "It's ok, I'll show up but I'll bring a book. I bet the stands are a great place to read," she said, suppressing a grin as she heard both James and Sirius sputter.
"You can't read during quidditch!" said James aghast. His rectangular glasses slid down his nose when he whipped his face down to look at her.
Sirius watched as she was about to reply when Evans and Marlene walked by her, brushing up against her hair. She suddenly was in a state of intense alert, and he felt his nerves suddenly start singing as he saw the pulse in her neck start pounding quickly at her skin. She spun in her seat, and scanned like she was searching for an attacker, wand springing to her hand. Instead she caught sight of the blond girl, arm in arm with the redhead walking away, making surreptitious glances back at her. Evans looked confused, but Marlene looked angry.
Luckily James chose the same moment to spring after Evans, declaring his love and asking her out, in his usual loud fashion, distracting the others from the moment of alarm. Sirius put his hand over Hermione's wand arm, gently pushing it down and sliding his palm to grasp around her still clenched hand. He held it there hoping to ground her. Eventually he felt her hand relax, pulling away from him to pocket her wand.
Sirius grabbed a couple of sandwiches and wrapped them up into napkins, transfigured a couple of goblets of water into bottles and put it all in his bag before grabbing Hermione's hand and pulling her out of her seat.
"We'll see you guys in Defense later," called Sirius behind him as he carted the girl behind him. She looked confused and her mouth opened to ask him a question but he interrupted her. "Let's go eat on the grounds."
The walk was calming, there were hardly any students about, most were still in the Great Hall with a few scurrying around towards the Library or their dorms. They were the only ones heading outside. The sky was overcast, with heavy, grey clouds that popped up to obscure the cheerful blue expanse from that morning. There was also the smell of ozone and damp air that spoke of an impending thunderstorm.
He heard Hermione take a long inhale and turned to her. Her eyes were closed as she took in the air, but opened again when she exhaled, long and slow. He watched her take in the grounds and eye the sky with a small smile playing at her bowed mouth.
"I hope it storms," she said, turning her eyes to his. There was a look there, a searching; or perhaps she was just cataloging his face, comparing it, or measuring. Whatever it was, it made him feel oddly exposed, but not uncomfortable. In fact, he found it the opposite. It was like she was taking him in for who he was and still found him enough. More than enough. Like his very existence was a blessing she couldn't have asked for.
He led her to his favorite sycamore, its bark peeling and curls of it crunched underneath them. They sat under the tree just as they felt a couple of fat drops of rain landed on them. Sirius cast an umbrella spell over them, encasing them in a dry dome as the rain continued to build into a steady downpour. It felt intimate. Not the like fleeting intimacies that had spurred him into trysts in previous years. But something that welled up deep within him and would remain with him forever.
"Are you okay?" He asked, pulling her against him with an arm around her shoulders, handing her a sandwich with his free hand. He watched her eat as the first crash of thunder reached their ears and lightning flashed across her eyes.
"Define 'okay'?" She asked back, the amber of her eyes was darkened in the grey light. The press of her shoulder against him grew heavier as she tucked her knees up closer to her chest and pressed her face into his shoulder. "I'm fine, at least compared to before." He didn't have to ask what was before. "But, I find myself jumping at the smallest thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in the Forest of Dean or at the Department of Mysteries, or somewhere awful." She took a steadying breath, then whispered into the cotton of his shirt. "I think the worst part is that sometimes I wish I was back there."
Sirius reached around her with his other hand and enclosed her entirely within his arms and settled his face into her curls. A hand reached up to bury itself against the back of her head. He wished he could take away those thoughts.
"It's weird. I miss you," she said to him, the dampness he felt against his shirt told him she had started crying, and he felt an increasingly familiar ache in his ribs. "You're right here, but at the same time I still miss you."
He felt a pit open up in his stomach. A great despair. A feeling of a bar being set that he couldn't reach, would never be able to reach stirred inside of him. He wanted to be every comfort to her, but knew that he couldn't take the place of the people she left behind. Even his other self.
"Could you...do you think you could show me your memories of me?" he asked her, muffled in her hair. He wanted to understand, he wanted to see what he could do to ease this pain. "Not just the bad things or the things you need to change, but the moments you miss most?"
She nodded against him. "I can do that."
At the end of the school day, Sirius and the others dragged Hermione to the common room where they laid around the fire and did homework.
Hermione sat on the ground in front of the low table reading the assigned chapter from their charms book aloud to them. When she suggested doing that, the Marauders all jumped at it.
James lay along the couch, his eyes closed but occasionally asking a question, fiddling with a snitch in his hands. Moony was in an armchair with his legs hanging over the side sketching in a book across his lap. Peter lay directly in front of the fire with his knees bent and an arm flung over his eyes. Sirius just sat behind her, on the same couch as James, by his knees, and braided her hair as she read.
It reminded Hermione of library nights at Grimmauld Place. She and Sirius would read some muggle book by the fire, oftentimes she would read it aloud while he would play with her hair or lay his head in a pillow on her lap. Occasionally Professor Lupin would drop in and drape himself in the armchair to listen or occupy himself with his own novel. It was so similar, just with the added company of James and Peter. It made her feel a sort of bittersweet nostalgia.
There were a few odd looks from other students, obviously not used to seeing the four boys spending time with an unfamiliar female student in Gryffindor robes, but none of the Marauders or Hermione paid them any mind. Hermione was concentrating on reading and comprehending the words from the textbook even as she tried not to fall asleep at the gentle tugging at her hair. The day, which ordinarily wouldn't have worn her out, left her feeling very spent. She was grateful that Madame Pomfrey provided the Pepper Up potion, otherwise she wouldn't have made it through her classes.
She yawned and looked up at the clock on the mantelpiece and was startled to realize it was close to curfew. Nudging Sirius' knee with her elbow she gestured to the clock.
"I need to get to the Hospital Wing soon if you don't want Madame Pomfrey taking your head," she said tilting her head back to look at him. His handsome face smirked down at her, strands of inky hair fell out of the low knot he still wore to frame his face in an effortlessly masculine beauty. She felt something catch in her chest, and looked down, busying herself with getting her things together.
"You're right," he replied, standing up and helping her to her feet.
The other boys just waved their hands at them, wishing her goodnight as they passed through the portrait hole. As they walked through, the vaguely familiar blond, Lily, and another petite girl with ash blond hair in a pixie bob passed them. They paused but Sirius seemed intent on not paying them any mind and just kept walking. Lily looked disapproving while Marlene looked positively enraged. The other girl just looked confused.
"So, this is really why you dumped me? So you can go out with that?" spat the buxom blond, her arms folding as she looked down at them from her spot on the higher step.
Sirius paused. Hermione looked up at his face and saw his jaw clench and annoyance pass over his face before he settled into a mask of impassiveness. "I told you why I ended our arrangement, Marlene," he said as he turned to look at her. "It has nothing to do with Hermione."
Marlene. Marlene McKinnon. Now supplied with a name Hermione recalled why she seemed familiar. She recalled the picture that Harry had hung in the Room of Requirement of the original Order members. Marlene was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Her whole family was killed by Death Eaters in 1981. Hermione felt her stomach bottom out looking at the beautiful girl. Her mind was whirling. Who killed the McKinnons? Harry said that Karkaroff had given the name. What was the date? The month even?
Hermione was lost to the current events taking place in front of her. Didn't notice Marlene taking a step down or Lily stopping her with a hand on her shoulder, addressing her and Sirius with a stiff tone of voice.
"Really? Then explain it to us again? Also, who is this Hermione? We've never seen this girl before, she just showed up today out of nowhere, more than a month after term starts. She certainly hasn't been sleeping in our dormitory even though she's been in our classes. So, where did you end up picking her up," Lily sneered, her green eyes flitting dangerously.
Sirius took a step forward, his shoulders stiff and he no longer concealed the hostility in his face. "What are you trying to imply, Evans?" he snarled.
"What do you think, I'm implying Black?" she rebutted, glaring down her nose.
Before one of the three enraged teens could say anything else the short pixie haired girl called down to Hermione. "Hey! Are you okay?" Hermione looked up at her, registering she was being addressed. The girl took a few steps down, bypassing the feud but paused before she got too close. Concerned, but weary.
Hermione suddenly recognized this girl too. They had met once, if one could call it a meeting. The last time she had seen Alice Longbottom was at St. Mungos. She remembered the sweet but sickly face of a woman who gave the son she could no longer recognize, a chewing gum wrapper as if it was the most precious gift she could give. She remembered Neville's Gran, proudly explaining how her son and daughter-in-law came to be in such a condition. The hours of torture at the hands of Bellatrix, how they never gave up even as it broke their minds.
Sirius broke her train of thought, crouching low so her vision was filled by his reflective silver eyes that lost all hostility. His thumbs swiped gently under her eyes, casting away tears that she hadn't realized were dripping down her cheeks.
"Shh...It's okay. I've got you. You're here," he whispered, his breath warm as it fanned her face. "Whatever you're remembering, it hasn't happened." She took a deep breath and nodded, resting her forehead against his chest as he stood up.
"I have to get Hermione back to the Hospital Wing before curfew," he said firmly, as he put a hand around her shoulder. "If you have any accusations to throw, you can throw them at me later." He started walking them away.
"Of course you would go with the teary eyed damsel type," snorted Marlene, from her step. Hermione felt the nauseating sensation of her grief full mind snapping into anger, and before she knew what she was doing she stepped out from under Sirius' arm and raised her wand so quickly that no one had time to blink. She silently cast a jinx at the blond girl and watched as she tried to yell but only a gurgling sound came out.
"If you must know, because you can't seem to keep your nose out of other people's business, I'm a transfer student here. Sirius found me bleeding out in a corridor after my portkey activated pulling me from my home where I had been attacked and watched my family get murdered," She stared up at the trio, her eyes hard in her bloodless face. "That jinx will reverse in 24 hours, hopefully it'll give you time to think before you speak next time." She said to Marlene. "I don't appreciate being called a damsel or 'that,' from someone who hasn't even bothered introducing themselves." She turned her eyes on Lily. "Is that good enough for you or are you going to try and imply that I'm some hussy again?" Lily had the decency to look abashed, her green eyes swivelled away, her shoulders hunched down a little.
Hermione felt herself deflate once silence took over the entryway, acutely aware of the fine trembling in her limbs. Although she had never been the sort to have a lot of girlfriends she hoped she hadn't ruined all chances of amity between herself and the girls in her grade, but what else could she have done? Let Sirius take the brunt of the attack and let them carry on with their wild ideas about her?
She tried to smile at Alice but it was more of a grimace, as she turned away letting Sirius put his arm around her to help support her on her suddenly unsteady legs. She wished she wasn't still unwell, an altercation like that shouldn't have left her feeling so weak, but she was at the end of her rope for the day. Madame Pomfrey was going to have a field day.
Once they were far enough away from their view, Sirius swung her up into his arms. She yelped at the sudden change of orientation and clung to him.
"Sirius, if I enter the Hospital Wing like this, Madame Pomfrey is going to have kittens," she sighed in exasperation.
"Nonsense, you're the only kitten allowed in the Hospital Wing," he laughed as she slapped his shoulder. "I'll put you down before she sees. Don't worry." She only nodded. He thumbed her shoulder with a contemplative look on his face. "You seemed to have a reaction to them," he said, a feigned casualness in his voice. "Did you know them?"
"I met Alice once," she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "Her son, Neville was a friend of ours. He was raised by his Gran after Bellatrix and other Death Eaters tortured Alice and Frank Longbottom into insanity." She tightened her grip around his neck. "I never met Marlene, but she was in a picture of the original Order of the Phoenix. I heard that she was ambushed at home and she was killed with her whole family."
Sirius said nothing, just stared ahead of them, but she noticed the muscle in his cheek jump and a vein pulse in his temple. A question popped up in her mind and she debated on if it was appropriate to ask it when he was stewing on the potential fates of the girls they just walked away from. In the end she thought it might break him away from the thoughts of her dreadful future. "Why did you break up with Marlene?"
He sighed, rolling his eyes up to the sky in what looked like a silent prayer, and then back down to look at her. "We had a mutually beneficial relationship that wasn't exclusive. When I finally realized that being a cad wasn't my thing, I told her that I wanted to stop." He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I checked with her a lot throughout my involvement with her to make sure she hadn't developed feelings; I never wanted it to turn into something that would hurt her when I wasn't there for the same thing."
Hermione frowned. She knew Sirius had been a womanizer; he had told her, Harry, and Ron, about it back in her 5th year. It was entirely different watching it in action. "I guess she did have feelings for you after all, then."
He shifted her in his arms and looked ahead again, discomfort clear on his face. "Yeah, I told her that I wanted the real thing now, and she seemed to think that I meant with her. I never wanted to hurt her, Kitten." He said the last bit imploringly. Like he was afraid she would be disgusted with him or horrified by his actions. But, Hermione knew him. Knew he wasn't a callus person. This was the man who put her best friend first in every situation, even when he suffered for it. She could still remember the malnourished features of the man who left comfort and relative freedom to live in a cave, eating rats to survive just to be nearby if his godson needed him.
They were nearing the Hospital Wing now and he was lowering her to the ground. When she was standing he was staring at the door behind her. She rose on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "I've never known you to intentionally hurt anyone that hadn't first hurt another," she said confidently. "Come on, if we wait, Pomfrey is going to really have those kittens." She took his hand and pulled him into the infirmary, missing the way his ears glowed.