February 23
Dear Snuffles,
How is everything? I hope you're well. I know it's only been a few days since we last saw each other and It's probably not the safest time to be writing, but the Quibbler article came out today and I knew you would want to read it so I'm forwarding it to you with this letter. Umbridge already banned and made the possession of the magazine an offence punishable by expulsion by mid-morning as her latest act of tyranny.
The only thing I can count as a good thing is that I can report a shift in the student body's stance at school regarding Harry. People aren't brushing the article off and there've been several people who have approached him out of curiosity over it. I think that the students might be waking up a bit. I think that's been good for Harry's morale even though he's not very fond of answering questions about that event.
Send my love to Buckbeak and the others.
Love,
Kitten
Sirius scowled at the letter in his hand. He had been stripping wallpaper in Harry and Ron's room when the postal owl tapped on the window, Hermione's tidy scrawl on the address, and a glossy magazine rolled up and tied off with twine. He had relieved the owl of its burden and patted his shoulder offering the tawny bird a perch as he moved from the room to head down to the kitchen where they kept owl treats. He slipped the letter open and spoke the keywords to make her words appear before he read; 'Not all those who wander are lost.'
After providing refreshments to the school owl, he wandered out of the kitchen. Tucking his wand into the knot of hair at the base of his skull as he stomped down to the sitting room where he knew Remus was. Sure enough Sirius found his friend sitting across an armchair tapping a pencil against his sketchbook. He made a beeline for the drink cart, and poured himself a generous glass of burgundy before sitting himself down in the opposite chair.
Remus looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow. "Don't tell me the wallpaper had a permanent sticking charm on it, too?" he asked in a sardonic tone.
Sirius tossed Remus the letter and pulled out the Quibbler and began to read the article with a scowl. He had to admit the article was well written, even though he had been present at the interview, it posed a few decent insights and he could definitely understand why the Ministry would feel threatened having the piece out there contradicting their approved narrative.
"I can't say I'm surprised," Remus said, breaking Sirius' concentration on the article.
"Me neither, but it does put me in a foul mood," Sirius growled back.
"Just a few more months and they'll be off for the summer," Remus said, consolingly, folding up the letter and placing it on the coffee table.
"Just a few months until they have a temporary respite from school before having to go back," he groused, taking a large pull from his wine glass. "It'll be even longer for the Pup since Dumbledore will insist that he stay with those assholes for a few weeks, at least, before letting him come home."
Just the thought of it made Sirius regret being a fugitive more than ever before. Whatever legal claim he had over Harry couldn't be exercised and Dumbledore was clearly taking advantage of it. It made him wonder if that was a reason that the wizened old bat had let him rot in prison all those years in the first place.
The chip on his shoulder was growing by the day. After hearing about Dumbledore's meddling with Hermione's family and the lack of action he was taking at the school to protect the students, Sirius was very much beginning to grow weary. He didn't want to doubt Dumbledore, but how could he not when the safety of his most important people were so low on the man's priorities? He refused to let Harry know about Trelawney's prophecy and kept his distance and snubbed the boy when they were near each other. It was enough to confuse anyone but for Harry it must seem like a huge betrayal of trust. If the old man ever came around, Sirius would love to confront him over it but, as it was, Dumbledore seemed to hole himself away from more than just Harry.
With a sigh, he summoned parchment and one of the pens from Hermione's library, laughing a little when it ended up being a sparkly, green gel-pen. Sliding to sit on the floor, he used the coffee table as a desk, feeling a little nostalgic for his Hogwarts days in the familiar position.
February 24
Dear Kitten,
Things are the same as always here. Mother is vile, Kreacher caters to her every whim and is generally unpleasant (I leave him alone, except to reprimand him when he mocks Remus. So, don't worry, Love,) Remus pines after Tonks when he's not on an assignment, and she pines after him when he's not around. I was removing that putrid wallpaper in Harry's room when your owl arrived. I also have yet to decide on the fireplace to put in your library. If you have a preference it's best to let me know soon, though.
I fear your news is hardly a surprise. The Ministry already controls the Prophet and thus the public narrative; that it would seek to discredit smaller news outlets that oppose their narrative is par for the course. But I believe your reasoning behind the interview is sound. (Did I ever express my total and utter admiration for your unflinching ability to blackmail that little beetle woman? You have quite the penchant for mischief, Darling, and it makes me quite proud.) People will be starting to question the gaping holes in the Ministry's chronicle of events. Having an alternative, and an alternative that the Ministry is desperate to silence, may just do our side more good than if they had left it alone. For the Quibbler to be banned at Hogwarts to the extent that students could be expelled for owning copies is extreme enough to be suspicious even from the outside. In short the Ministry is destroying their own credibility.
It's hardly any comfort to you, though. I wish I could be more helpful, Kitten, but Dumbledore is being elusive to more than just the students of Hogwarts, so I haven't had a chance to give him a piece of my mind. Try to lay low, and be careful continuing the DA meetings. I know they are important but they're not as important as you.
Be safe,
Snuffles
Hermione read the note in the safety of her curtained off four poster bed. Her fingers traced the letters, taking in the practiced elegance of Sirius' handwriting. It was truly artful, the sharp lines and fluid swoops. There was an economy to the way he wrote, refraining from unnecessary loops and swirls, yet she found that the words more beautiful for their simplicity and the comfort they brought her. It was physical proof that he was well, that there were people outside of this sequestered and authoritarian castle who cared for them.
The only substantive thing she truly gleaned from his letter was that the Order was in as much contact with Dumbledore as they were. Which meant that they were almost completely blind to what was happening except whatever they knew about the Department of Mysteries.
She wanted to write back and fish for information that she knew he wouldn't give up, but she knew that she had to be careful writing to him too frequently. The Fidelius charm might have made tracking the letter to Grimmauld impossible, and the pass-phrase protected invisible ink charm was a strong protection against unwanted people snooping into their letters, but she knew that sending an owl out towards that part of London would become suspicious should anyone try to track her post. Though Sirius might be protected so long as he stayed put, she wasn't. She couldn't do that to him. She couldn't let herself be put under fire anymore than she already was. Especially if it was on his behalf. She knew how protective he was and how powerless he already felt. It would crush him if something happened to her because of their letters.
Instead she erased the words on the page and tucked it away. She rolled over and whispered "nox," extinguishing the light at her wand tip, and went to sleep.
"Hermione, Harry? What's wrong," Sirius asked into the mirror. They both looked shaken, but thankfully Hermione didn't seem to have been crying. She wasn't trying to hide her upset from him again. Her mouth was thin and her eyes seemed tight. Harry looked worried, and stress seemed to roll off of them through the mirror, and Sirius found himself clenching his jaw and free hand.
"Umbridge fired Professor Trelawney," Hermione informed him. "The only thing Dumbledore could do was make sure she wasn't ousted from the castle entirely as Umbridge wanted."
"What has he been doing all this time? Twiddling his thumbs?" Harry asked heatedly.
"Who can tell," Sirius responded as lightly as he could manage. "He's been as aloof with me as he has been with you." Sirius shrugged, belying an unbothered air. It was probably unconvincing to the pair. "It's concerning that Umbridge is able to exercise such control over the school as to be allowed to fire staff at her own discretion. I knew he hasn't been checking her as much as he should be because of Ministry interference, but I assumed he was still more than a figurehead at this point."
"Exactly! He's still headmaster, why has he been rolling over at her whims?" Harry exclaimed, resting outstretched arms on the coffee table and slouched, holding the mirror in front of them. "I'm really worried about Hagrid, now. Umbridge spent the most time observing Trelawney and Hagrid. Now that she's fired Trelawney, I think Hagrid might be next on the list "
"I think Hagrid will be fine," Sirius reassured. His quicksilver eyes were steady and reassuring. "Even if that hag removes him from his post as a professor he won't be so easily removed as the game keeper. As far as I can tell Umbridge's control only extends as far as the educational systems and policies. She would need to come up with something criminal or proof of gross negligence of duty or something of that sort if she wanted to be rid of him entirely."
"But, besides that! Hagrid looks like he's been in fights lately. He's constantly missing from the high table and when he does show up he's covered in bruises. It's suspicious to us, what do you think Umbridge will do if she decides it's suspicious enough? Suspend him for investigation or something?" Hermione asked, concern bleeding into every syllable. Her eyes flashed amber and cherry in the low flickering hearth light. She bit her lip and chewed for a moment.
Sirius could understand her worry. Last time he had seen Hagrid he looked less than hale and healthy. Whatever was going on wouldn't be missed by the wretched woman. As a half blood giant, he already had a target on his back. If he couldn't answer what he had been doing to receive all his bruises in a satisfactory way, Umbridge was liable to try and use that as an excuse to sack him.
"I'm not going to lie and say it's impossible, but even more than a professor, Hagrid is the most capable person in Britain for the game keeper's position. It would take a great deal to have him completely removed. It might seem like a likely scenario given the insanity you've been faced with at school so far, but believe me no one wants the Forbidden Forest to be unguarded. Hagrid is the only one I've ever met who can come and go freely with his life almost always guaranteed. No matter how biased and bigoted the Ministry might become, they will not want to have to search for another to keep the peace on those borders. Not that she won't try, but he does have some protection beyond Dumbledore's – lately– lackluster support."
Hermione looked mollified, her countenance softened, and he knew she was letting herself take his words at face value and drew comfort from them. He didn't know when it began but he had realized that Hermione allowed herself to be reassured by him, where others would try and be met with her ceaselessly working mind picking apart every facet of logic. It was a level of trust he hadn't known existed within her. He hoped he never failed that trust.
Hermione wasn't wrong, though. Umbridge would be looking for an excuse to get rid of Hagrid, but the Ministry had already falsely accused him twice, the publicity of a third incident wasn't one that they would want tainting their image, unless they could vindicate it. Hopefully that would serve enough of a shield until the end of term.
"By the way, where's Ron?" Sirius asked after their absent friend.
"Ate himself into a food coma after quidditch practice," Harry said with a laugh, successfully breaking the tension that had worked up in the atmosphere.
Sirius barked a laugh and was pleased to see Hermione's characteristic eye roll that barely contained her amused smile. "Molly must have celebrated the day he went to Hogwarts. It's saving her a fortune on groceries." The tension coiled hidden in the back of their minds, but for the moment they relaxed and collectively laughed fondly at their absent friend.
The last couple of weeks felt like whiplash. Sirius was worried. Beyond worried, actually. He was distressed, twitchy, stressed, apprehensive, perturbed; he was a whole thesaurus of words that described concerned. He had had a knot churning in his gut for weeks if not months at this point and it was reaching a head.
He hadn't heard from Harry or Hermione in nearly a week. Not even for their regular appointments had been kept. News of Dumbledore's dismissal as headmaster and subsequent warrant for arrest had spread to the Order days ago. Where he went, no one seemed to know, and the answers Sirius was burning to know were sequestered far away from him. Meanwhile, the kids hadn't contacted him either by mirror or by owl.
The only reason he even heard about it was because Molly had come in one morning in a complete tizzy with the Prophet.
Albus Dumbledore: Disposed of Position as Headmaster of Hogwarts.
The rest of the headliner was a preposterous article about the declining health and age of Dumbledore. It painted him as a feeble old man of unsound mind. They only knew about the arrest warrant because of McGonagall. She had made a brief floo appearance to let them all know about the attempted arrest, as well as informed them that Umbridge was now acting Headmistress of Hogwarts, but she didn't stay long enough to answer any questions.
As desperate as he wanted to mirror call Harry, the risk of catching him while around others was too high. He would consider owling them but the chances of the mail being intercepted and tampered with was even more likely now with Umbridge's control over the school. Even with their precautions of the password protected letters, a determined enough witch or wizard could eventually break the enchantment. It wasn't totally infallible.
No. He had to wait to hear from them. When they felt safe enough they would contact him.
It was driving him insane.
Tonks found him sitting at the kitchen table in the late evening slouched, with his head in his hands. A mug of cold coffee sat beside him and the mirror lay next to it. He vaguely acknowledged her with a grunt as she fell into the chair beside him, but didn't bother dropping his hands from his face.
"They're going to be okay," she said, patting him on the back. "If something happened to them, Minerva or Severus would let us know immediately, or Molly would barrel in here because Ron's hand on the clock pointed to danger or something."
"Mmhm," he answered without raising his head.
She sighed, before getting up from her chair and grabbing the long cold mug from the table. At the counter she pulled another mug from the cupboard and poured herself some coffee, and refreshed Sirius' cup before returning.
"Sirius, you need to stop moping," she chastised as she set his mug down.
Sirius sat up and looked at her with flinty gray eyes. He reached for the mug and took a large dram of the just-shy-of-scalding liquid.
"You and Moony need to stop telling me when I can and can't mope," he said indignantly. "Just get married already and leave me alone to mope as I please."
Tonks turned pink and choked on her coffee, sending it dribbling down her front in a graceless display.
"Shut up!" She spluttered, from behind her hand as she belatedly tried to keep her coffee in her mouth.
Sirius just chuckled dimly, a tiny bit of the melancholy receded from his person at the sight of his embarrassed cousin. "Oh cousin of mine, when are you going to make an honest man of my dear Moony? I fear you'll ruin him forever if you don't give him your hand and take his name soon!"
"Sirius! Stoooop!" She pleaded, hiding her face in her arms. Her hair was fluctuating in color and texture wildly in her mortification. "Remus doesn't even like me that way." She popped her head up with a disgruntled pout.
"I beg to differ," Sirius smirked, letting Tonk's razzled countenance cheer him up even more. "I think he wouldn't know what to do with himself if you went up to him and snogged his furry ass off."
Tonks dropped her head onto the table surface with a loud thunk and groaned into the wood grain. "There's no way. Absolutely no way. He probably still thinks of me as that little nine year old, tomboy cousin of yours."
Sirius barked out an indignant laugh. "Right. Totally. It's not like he has been pining after you for the last year with his 'woe is me, she could never be happy with a werewolf,' shtick.
Her face paled, and a shallow doubt flooded every contour of her body language. Sirius wondered, if like Remus, Tonks was scared of her feelings being reciprocated. As uncomfortable as the status quo was, it was familiar and navigatable. Whereas, if they acknowledge that their feelings are requited they would have to take the untraversed path and learn how to maneuver a romantic relationship that has the possibility of failing.
Before he could try to persuade Tonks further he heard his name coming from the mirror on the table. Despite being only inches away from it, Sirius nearly dove for the charmed mirror, toppling his chair in the process.
"Harry?!" Sirius whispered harshly to the mirror. Tonks crowded in near him to look at the mirror next to him.
Harry's face was dimly lit. Seemingly he was using his four poster bed as a hideout and had his wand for illumination.
"Sirius! Tonks!" Harry's face looked relieved to see them.
"Harry, what's going on? We only know that Dumbledore was sacked and that they tried to arrest him. What happened, why did they try to charge him with?" Tonks asked, the embarrassment she had been feeling vanished. Her focus was intent on the teen.
"It's our fault," Harry said morosely. "Someone snitched on the DA. They thought Dumbledore organized it and was training us to be his soldiers, or something like that."
"Well, in hindsight calling your illegal defense group 'Dumbledore's Army' might not have been the best move," Sirius joked flatly. Harry looked exhausted. His eyes seemed shadowed beyond just the poor lighting and a guilty look passed over him at Sirius' joke. "Hey, Pup, it's not your fault. Regardless of what the group's name was. It's entirely the Ministry's fault for putting you in the position of needing to form the DA in the first place." Harry didn't look convinced and opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius didn't let him get that far.
"Are you okay? And the others?" He asked the question that was really pressing on him.
"I guess we're fine," he answered with a shrug. "No one is hurt. Umbridge tried to use Veritaserum on me. She was trying to get information about you, Sirius. But thanks to Fred and George setting off some fireworks I was able to dump it into one of her stupid vases. We've been trying to lay low since. Hence the radio silence."
"She tried to use Veritaserum on you?" Tonks asked, indignantly. Her hair turned a very serious, flat brown. "If she did that with the full confidence that legal action against her wouldn't go through…" she trailed off looking a little horrified.
Sirius seethe. If he ever met Unbridge in person, she wouldn't make it through the encounter unscathed. She had crossed too many lines and continuously was causing harm to his most important people.
"It's concerning that she was asking about me, but the bitch must not have been pleased when you didn't give her the answers she was looking for," Sirius growled, feeling a small satisfaction at knowing that the foul woman's plan didn't succeed, but was positively vibrating with the desire to absolutely ruin the woman.
"No, she wasn't," Harry answered with a short lived grin.
"So, who snitched?" Tonks asked, steering them away from Umbridge and the violent spark that was unsettlingly lit in Sirius' intense eyes.
"A girl named Marietta Edgecombe. She's a year ahead of us and is Cho's friend," Harry answered sourly.
"Your girlfriend is apparently bad at choosing her friends," Sirius said, dryly.
"Not my girlfriend," Harry corrected. It wasn't exactly bitter, just oddly matter-of-fact. "After this I think it's clear it wouldn't work out between us."
"Hm…" was Sirius' only comment on that. "And Marietta is now being heralded as a hero of justice by the pink toad, I'm assuming?"
A surprisingly wicked smirk lifted Harry's cheek slightly before he responded. "No, I don't think she's going to be enjoying herself right now," he said slyly. Enjoying the curious arch of Sirius' eyebrow and Tonk's bemused face. "Hermione jinxed the sign-up sheet. Anyone who put down their name would be subjected to the jinx if they betrayed the DA."
Tonks' mouth fell open in surprise. She looked back and forth between Sirius sitting next to her and Harry in the mirror who were both staring at each other with shit eating grins.
"Hermione?!" She said incredulously, hair turning an electric blue in shock.
"Kitten and her claws," Sirius chuckled. Everything about him brightened at the news that Hermione had caused some mischief. "What was the jinx?"
"Boils formed all over her face that spelled out the word 'sneak.' Umbridge couldn't figure out the counter spell and Madame Pomfrey hasn't been able to cure her either, so she's stuck like this until they heal naturally. Cho thinks Hermione is horrible for not telling anyone about the jinx but I think it was brilliant."
"Hermione?!" Tonks repeated.
"That's my girl!" Sirius praised, delightedly. "Of course there needed to be a consequence to potential betrayal."
"Excuse me, but can we go back to Hermione jinxing her fellow students?" Tonks interrupted cynically.
"Hardly the most daring thing she's done, Nymphadora," Sirius teased, watching with amusement as Tonks' hair popped pink as her face took on an irritated look.
"Don't call me Nymphadora!" She said automatically. "Hermione's such a goody-goody there's no way."
"That's what she wants you to think," Sirius smirked proudly at his cousin. Positively preening at the news.
"Honestly, if jinxing a piece of paper is the most shocking thing she's done in the last five years, I'll eat my broomstick," Harry snickered.
Tonks just looked perturbed and astonished. "Color me impressed," she conceded.
"I don't think you need anyone else coloring you, cousin," Sirius quipped, pulling a curl of pink hair that had spring from her head, and feeling smug when it elicited a rude hand gesture from Tonks. "What else is going on? I was expecting you to contact me much sooner with all these events," he returned his attention back to Harry. Watching as a look that crossed the boundaries or mortification and shame fell upon his godson.
"Uh…well I'm no longer taking Occlumency from Snape anymore," he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.
"Excuse me?" Sirius asked. More like demanded. His ire focused on a familiar foe.
"I saw one of his memories," Harry explained, his eyes downcast. "A rather unpleasant one."
"So, you finally made progress in your lessons, and because he was the one being exposed he canceled your lessons?" Sirius seethed. Snape had no right to reject lessons that would help insure Harry's safety because of that.
"Er…no," Harry said, looking even more guilty. "I may have intentionally looked into a pensive without his permission and he caught me red-handed. There was a memory there that he definitely didn't want me to see."
"What was the memory?" Tonks asked.
Harry looked conflicted for a moment, glancing up at his godfather's face and winced a little. "It was a memory of him being strung up by the ankle by my dad. You and Lupin and Pettigrew were there too. My mom tried to intervene and Snape got angry at her for trying to interfere and called her…well he called her something bad."
Sirius thought back for a moment, before snorting. Merlin, Snape was petty. "Not James' best move, but hardly qualifies as a reason to take revenge on you. Snape was a whiny git in school and wasn't blameless in our discourse. It was childish, sure, but I think I've told you before but Snape gives as good as he gets."
"But still, he clearly was at a disadvantage, it didn't seem right for my dad to do that," Harry argued. "He didn't provoke Dad, or you or anything."
"Yeah, but you saw how he responded to the jinx," Sirius reasoned. "He went after your mother, someone who he supposedly cared about and who tried to come to his defense. We weren't right in that situation. We shouldn't have gone after him unprovoked, but Snape isn't a blameless victim. Your father was reacting to a several years long feud between them. Did you know that Snape invented that jinx in the first place? And he used it too."
Harry's eyebrows shot up to be hidden behind his messy bangs. Clearly the information was new to him.
"The reason that memory is bad for him is because it's the moment he lost the one person who stood in his corner out of good faith due to his own bad character, not because your dad was acting like a git. Snape had been circling in bad crowds since he entered Hogwarts, trying to gain clout in their circles and failing to be anything other than a bootlicker until he finally snapped and slandered your mother. There was no returning from that. He lost your mother's friendship and gained recognition within the pure-bloods " Sirius explained, refusing to let one memory of James letting his idiotic teenage impulses ruin Harry's impression of his father.
"Snape and my mom were friends?" Harry asked, surprised.
"They grew up in the same neighborhood and bonded over magic. Because of that connection she often took Snape's side of things blindly. She was a wonderful woman, but she had to grow out of her tendency to back up her friends regardless of their behavior. James couldn't stand people who studied the Dark Arts and those who believed in blood superiority. Snape not only knew more dark magic entering Hogwarts than anyone else and was constantly trying to ingratiate himself in with the pure-bloods, he also always was wildly jealous of James. They clashed the moment they met. Lily, having already been Snape's friend, was predisposed to give him the benefit of the doubt, which made suspecting James as the instigator in every altercation her automatic response," Sirius expounded for his godson. He had to clench his hands as he explained. The idea that anyone could poison James' memory and teach his son that he was the villain made Sirius want to punch something. Preferably something with a hooked nose.
"So, Mom wasn't tricked into dating Dad?" Harry asked in a small voice.
The question and the nervous tone from the stressed out child before him, made Sirius see red for a moment. He had to take a deep breath to calm down enough to answer.
"No way, Pup. Your parents were so in love with each other it was borderline sickening," he said, honestly.
Harry looked relieved but still conflicted. As much as Sirius wanted to explain everything away, he knew that there were things Harry needed to come to terms with on his own regarding what he learned about his parents.
"Now that we've talked through that, you need to go back and convince Snape to keep teaching you," Sirius directed. He wasn't going to let this hiccup leave Harry without those lessons. As much as he hated Snape being the teacher, Harry couldn't go to McGonagall and lessons through the mirror was too difficult to do delicately.
"What? No way!" Harry said, aghast. He seemed to recoil from the very idea. "He hated me before, now there's no way he'd teach me. And even if he did he would try and get back at me, I'm sure of it."
"Harry. It's vital you get those lessons. You need to protect your mind from Voldemort," Sirius insisted.
"If Snape has any conscience he'll take you back as a student," Tonks chimed in.
Sirius refrained from snorting in disbelief knowing it would discourage Harry from following their advice, but he did send a sidelong look at his cousin with a raised eyebrow as though to say 'really?'
Harry sighed a sigh that turned into a groan and looked completely crestfallen.
"I'll try."
Hey everyone! I don't normally give AN on this platform but I thought it would be a good idea to give you a heads up. It's going to be awhile until the next upload of Touch Starved after this. The following events are going a pivotal point in this fic and I'm anticipating its going to be at leas 3-4x the length of a normal chapter. I'm currently researching by looking through timelines and rereading the relevant chapters in the OotP and making an outline. But I also have some personal, real life events that are slowing me down with my work on this story and Destiny Derailed. I'm hoping it won't be too long from now that you hear from me but, if I vanish for more than 2 or 3 months I just wanted to let you know that neither of my stories have been abandoned. I hope DD will still be uploaded monthly at least but I don't want to make promises.
Anyway thank you for reading. Leave a comment if you like or have any questions
3 Rosie