...It hurts

It hurts…

. . . . . .

...Please…helpme...

The sound of thunder cracking in the distance jolted Laxus awake.

The cold of the early morning was what came to his senses first, a surprise since Freed's spell should have still been working. He felt a warm, strong arm draped across his waist, holding him close as if trying to comfort him. The weight of his jacket was heavy over his shoulders, the gentle caress of hips pressing mildly into his own and the scent of cigarettes made him feel strangely at ease, like he was home even though he knew he was far from Magnolia. A light touch to his face sent a shiver down his spine. Gajeel's thumb brushed gently over his right eye, tracing his scar, lingering just for a moment on his cheek before returning back to its start just above his brow.

"Mnh… stop…" his voice was husky from sleep and he immediately felt Gajeel draw back. He touched him again, this time running his fingers along his hairline and tracing a path down his temple, the side of his face, his jawline, ghosting down his throat and travelling as far down his collar he could go before Laxus's shirt was in the way. His skin prickled in the places that he touched, forming and invisible track where Gajeel's fingers had been. Gajeel shifted against him, above him, and he could have almost sworn he was around him, overpowering him with an indulgent, protective warmth. The smell of tobacco and iron made his stomach turn expectantly before lips pressed against his. When he finally opened his eyes, he could see the colors of the blood orange sunrise reflected in Gajeel's cat-like orbs.

"Good morning, Fairy," he purred, his face still so close he could almost taste the vibration in the air from his voice.

"Morning."

"Seemed like you were having a bad dream," Gajeel's voice was barely above a whisper, a growl, and his sharp teeth dodged just behind his lips as he pressed his fingertips gently against Laxus's chest.

"I don't know what you mean."

Gajeel clicked his teeth but didn't press the issue. Laxus was suddenly aware that it was quiet and his mind slowly began to register that just moments before there had been the murmurs of quiet conversation before it had ended abruptly. Laxus pushed himself up, his joints stiff from a night on the cold ground, and glanced over to where Bickslow, Freed, and Evergreen were sitting opposite them by the fire. Immediately, Freed and Evergreen snapped their heads to look away, caught staring. Bickslow just smirked at the two as he ate his breakfast.

"Finally awake, love birds?" his grin widened until his tongue flopped lazily from his mouth. Evergreen snickered at the comment but Freed just seemed agitated.

"Why didn't you wake us sooner?" Laxus yawned, convincing his stiff limbs to move and lift him away from Gajeel's warm body. He immediately regretted it when he was greeted with the cold alone, but he slipped his arms through his jacket and did his best to right his clothes, slowly warming back up. Gajeel didn't seemed bothered by the chill, in fact he hadn't even brought a blanket or bedroll, he noticed. He just crossed his legs and let his elbows rest on his knees, completely at ease as he watched his partner move closer to the fire.

Bickslow cackled, "You were just too cute to bother,"

Gajeel rolled his eyes, "How considerate."

"You… you actually call him Fairy…" Freed muttered, covering his mouth with his hands as if trying to hide the furious red creeping across his face, "I thought that was a joke…"

Gajeel sniffed, his lip curling up on one side in response to Freed's agitation, "Only when he's actin' cute."

"You're taking it so personal, Freed. Laxus doesn't seem to mind," Evergreen crooned, aiding in his growing ire.

"Laxus is not cute!" he punctuated each word sharply, as if he were hurling his words like darts at Gajeel, "He's glorious, or striking, or-"

"Cute…" Gajeel cut in the word and Freed practically gnashed his teeth, "If Laxus didn't like it, he'd say so."

Laxus snorted, albeit in good humor, "I said I didn't like it and you call me that anyway."

"You said you didn't like it in bed," Gajeel corrected slyly before shrugging, "But yeah I'll probably say it anyway."

"And I can't call you Redfox… or delinquent,"

"Friends don't call me Redfox. If ya call me Redfox, yer gearin' for a fight… and delinquent is just annoying."

"So is Sparky but you won't stop calling me that either," Laxus crossed his arms, his lips curving up at the edges just slightly as he turned his attention back to his friend, "It's not a big deal, Freed. Give it a rest."

Bickslow's obnoxious, borderline-manic laughter filled the air as Freed fumed, "Laxus! I am just out for your honor!"

"I think his honor is wrapped around Gajeel's finger," Evergreen murmured from behind her fan and Freed just huffed.

They settled into quiet conversation, deciding to wait until nightfall before making a move on the Phantom Risers. Gajeel thought it would be best to try and catch them off guard, although they were all certain it would be difficult to accomplish. Laxus didn't say it out loud but he wanted to give Gajeel the reins on this. These were his people, his dark past that he was confronting. Laxus wanted him to do this in his own way and give him charge. He was being discrete, though, and so he had to be more tactful than usual when shutting down Freed who was their usual planner on expeditions like this. It was helpful that Gajeel's plan was a surprisingly good one.

They wait until nightfall and approach from the south. There weren't any towns in that direction and so if a parameter had been set up, more than likely they'd be scarcer on that side. It would involve more walking than Freed or Evergreen were really wanting to do, but if they were going to a quiet entrance it was the best. Of course, Bickslow was ready to just storm through the front entrance and take down anyone who crossed their path, which to Laxus sounded easy enough, but Gajeel was looking for more information. He wanted to know where these people came from. Where they all former Phantom Lord mages? Did they have more bases elsewhere, as Phantom Lord had quite the expansive hold back in their time? And Laxus suspected he was after some other, more personal, tidbits as well, like who exactly was commissioned to work for Bianca when Gajeel had snapped.

He tried not to think about that last bit or what it could mean to Gajeel if and when he found out.

It was late into the afternoon, while the group was lounging around the fire and waiting for darkness to descend, that Laxus noticed how intently Bickslow had been staring at Gajeel the entire day. Bix had even had his mask off and of course Gajeel neither drew attention to it nor did he attempt to stare back. The closest Gajeel's gaze ever made it to Bix's eyes was when the darted to look at his chest when Bickslow came up with an idea. Bickslow really was right, after all, Gajeel refused to make eye contact with the navy-haired member of the Raijinshuu. As if sensing Laxus's thoughts, Bickslow looked over at him, maroon eyes full of questions and mischief.

"What's up, Bix?" he said at length, breaking the otherwise palpable silence. Gajeel glanced over at Laxus, his eyes telling him he'd really wished Laxus hadn't just prompted Bickslow to share with them whatever he'd been contemplating so intensely for what seemed the past few hours.

"Nothing," he said mildly, that wicked look alighting on his features as he spoke, "I'm just overly curious."

"I don't like the sound of that," Ever responded tersely, eyeing herself in a hand mirror she'd brought with her, "Whenever you say something like that it's weird."

"Weird?" Bickslow shot her a hurt look, "So mean, Ever..."

"Overly curious about what?" Gajeel grunted, molding some scrap iron into a long, delicate chain.

"I overheard your conversation last night," Bix spoke so plainly it actually agitated Laxus although Gajeel didn't seem shocked in the least. He didn't even move his eyes from his work, "And I've just always wanted to know something… and you're the only person off the top of my head that I can ask."

Gajeel clenched and unclenched his jaw, "Yeah?"

"Bix," Laxus stopped him before he could ask, "Is now really a good time?"

He pretended to think about it, "Do you care, Gajeel?"

"I don't know yet."

"Fair enough," Bix chuckled, a bit of an overexcited-ness to his tone, "I've always wondered what it's like to kill someone."

Gajeel visibly stiffened at the question, his hands froze for just a moment and then continued through their task. He still refused to look up, "An' why in the hell would you wanna know somethin' like that?"

Bickslow shrugged, "Morbid curiosity."

"I think I just realized I hate it when you start askin' me questions, Bix," Gajeel's voice had razor's edge hidden in it and Laxus immediately thought back to when Gajeel had mentioned Bix using Figure Eyes on him.

"You don't have to answer… but Freed was wondering too."

Freed sputtered, "I-I was not! Why would… I wouldn't…!"

"You almost killed Cana when we tried to take over Fairy Tail," Bix pointed out, smirking, "You said you wondered what would have happened if you'd actually gone through with it."

Freed seethed, "I was drunk when I told you that."

"But I wasn't," he spoke with the same waggish tone to his voice that he would if he were playing some sort of prank. His babies chirped happily beside him and Laxus was about to dismiss the conversation when Gajeel let out a long sigh, resigned and thoughtful, and borderline annoyed. He pulled the chain in his hands taught, examining his work briefly before crumpling the piece back together with a flurry of emerald sparks as he melded the metal back into a useless lump. Bickslow looked back at him and his eyes widened slightly as, to the utter surprise of everyone, Gajeel looked him squarely in the eye, intense red challenging Bix's manic burgundy.

"You ever been hunting, Bix?" he started, venom seeping into his voice like tar. Laxus quelled a shiver as he watched shadows starting to dance in Gajeel's ruby orbs like demons waiting to be let out. Even Bickslow seemed to be caught off-guard.

"I, uh… no." Bickslow was actually nervous, a sight Laxus had rarely observed. He always upheld a distracted appearance, maintaining a light-hearted, joking demeanor with the sour tint of something resembling lunacy underneath. Bickslow was a free spirit for the most part, acting on his own whims and hardly ever getting deep enough into something as to allow himself to be nervous, or serious, unless locked in battle with someone. But now he stared unblinkingly at Gajeel, gazing directly into Gajeel's eyes and – Laxus realized – his soul.

He just barely caught the scent of iron.

Gajeel switched gears, propping his elbow onto his knee and letting his face rest against his knuckles, clearly grasping at something else to help him illustrate whatever it was that was happening in his head, "Ever happened upon a baby bird that fell out of its nest? Or held a newborn kitten?"

"Yes."

"When you did, when you held that tiny, defenseless thing in your hands… did you have this strange, intrinsic need to just… kill it?"

The air got heavier, "I… no..."

"I know you have, because deep down we have this strange, built-in need to destroy sweet and harmless things. So… you're holding this thing and imagine you actually act on it. That need to destroy just keeps building up until finally… you just..." Gajeel sounded menacing. He didn't smile, there was no humor in his voice, and as he spoke he moved his hands as if cradling something small there and then slowly, deliberately, he folded his fingers into angry, powerful fists. Laxus could almost feel the snapand he inwardly cringed as his mind processed what it would feel like to crush the life out of some innocent thing. Bickslow blinked and the cold scent of iron grew stronger.

"It's… final and… a little refreshing… cathartic, even, if yer angry enough. It's either quick or slow and that's sort of your choice and also sort of up to the situation. Some guys I knew just liked to draw it out because they got off on that shit, I usually tried to send a message for Jose or Phantom…" he paused, his eyes for just a moment reflecting a time in particular that came to mind before he snapped himself back to reality, "And then it's over. Ya go home knowing ya did yer job and ya did it well… Of course, that's after you've been doin' it a while. The firsttime I was sent to take a target I had nightmares for a month but I was still green… Jose was desperate for guys so he sent me out."

The last bit he said dismissively, as if tacking in something about the weather or what he was wearing on that day. Bickslow didn't make a noise and neither did Freed or Evergreen. As silence descended again, maddeningly thick and pervasive, Gajeel just kept Bickslow's eyes almost as if to dare him to make a move, to use Figure Eyes or claim he was being dramatic. Bickslow did nothing of the sort, just watched with a growing twinge of amusement on his face, like he was getting to the root of a joke. The entire exchange was startling and intimate to Laxus and it made him increasingly uncomfortable.

"Was that how it felt when you killed Bianca?"

Gajeel narrowed his eyes and his lips drew back in a sneer that clearly showed his canines, "Just how much of our conversation did ya hear, Bix?"

He shrugged, "All of it…" he nodded towards Freed and Ever and they both stiffened in horror, "They did too, they're just too polite to say it."

"Stop dragging us into your hole," Ever bit through her teeth swiping at him with her fan.

"We were ten feet apart it's not like it was difficult," Bix snickered back at her, easily dodging the hit.

"Let him alone, Bickslow," Laxus growled, wiping the smile off Bix's face as he did so, "Gajeel, you don't have to answer his questions. He's just bein' an ass."

"I am not! I'm genuinely curious!" he replied innocently and his babies chirped their approval, resting on the ground at his feet but with eyes lighting as they spoke.

Gajeel sighed, glanced at Laxus out of the corner of his eye, and spoke again this time with a slight shiver in his voice, "No… no, Bianca was different."

"Different how?"

"Bickslow." Laxus's voice was a clear warning but Bix didn't even look at him, he was staring into Gajeel again, engrossed in whatever it was he was discovering.

"How deep are ya wantin' ta go with this, Bix?" Gajeel breathed, crossing his arms and leaning back slightly, studying the other man.

"As deep as I can," he grinned in return.

"Are you fucking psychoanalyzing me?" he sneered, baring his teeth, "Again?"

Bix shrugged, "I'm just tryin' ta help ya, man."

"Well do me a favor and don't." Gajeel's eyes suddenly darted to the side, finally done with his staring contest with Bickslow.

"If I wanted to use Figure Eyes, I would have done it a long time ago… then we might be through with this already."

"Fuck off."

Laxus let loose his lightning and it snapped at Bickslow as a final attempt to make him stop, "Bickslow! I said leave him alone!"

"Bix, seriously, stop," Freed pushed, albeit much more gently, his eyes reflecting the apprehension he felt.

Bickslow turned on Laxus and it honestly floored him, "You're not helpinghim by defending him, Laxus!"

"You'renot helping him by breaking him down!" he hurled back, discharging more lightning in his direction, barely missing him his time.

"Tch, Gajeel, tell me I'm wrong, eh? You're sick of it, aren't you? Of being coddled?"

"In. His. Own. Time. Bix." Laxus raged, feeling the swell of lightning in the air as he slowly lost his temper, "You don't just wake up and decideto get over shit like this! You struggle with it, sometime for years!"

"Well c'mon, Fairy Tail Mage," Bickslow threw at Gajeel, arms still crossed, no longer facing Laxus in his blatant defiance, "Where's your fighting spirit? Or are you just gonna keep running?"

"I ain't runnin' from shit," Gajeel annunciated each word precisely, only just keeping himself in check.

"Sure ya are. You won't talk about it, won't think about it. What happened to the Gajeel that went at things head on? Confident? Fearless?" Bickslow prodded, eyes alight with unbridled energy, "Are you just going to wallow in your own self-pity forever?"

Suddenly Gajeel was on his feet, rage bubbling just below the surface as he floundered to keep it under, "Shut the hell up, Bix."

Bix was on his feet then, squaring up against the Iron Dragon Slayer, "Or what? You gonna fight me? You can't even look me in the eyes!"

Gajeel gritted his teeth. His arms and chest were flexed and glittering scales were fighting to break out along his flesh. His hands were shaking, the sharpness of iron overtook the heavy atmosphere as his magic fought to take hold of him.

"Admit it, Gajeel," Bickslow's voice was as sharp and precise as an arrow aimed for Gajeel's chest, "The only thing stopping your recovery is yourself."

That did it. Gajeel lunged with the most guttural, rancorous noise Laxus thought he'd ever heard from the man and suddenly they were all on their feet as he tackled Bickslow to the ground. Evergreen and Freed yelled at them to stop fighting and Laxus held the two back from being caught in the crossfire as Gajeel wrapped his arms around Bix's waist and tossed him into a heap on the ground, gripping his arm and twisting it painfully into his spine. Bickslow yelped from the pain as Gajeel grappled him, masterfully contorting his body so that he couldn't move, grabbed a fistful of hair and forced him into the dirt. Bix's babies flitted to his rescue but Gajeel's iron scales had taken over and the laser-like projections fired from their mouths and eyes refracted off of his armor harmlessly.

"Gajeel! Let him go!" Laxus roared, not wanting to have to physically rip him away as he again slammed Bickslow back into the ground with the same ferocity as a rabid dog whipping around a half-dead rabbit.

"Fucking! Aahh! Uncle, uncle, let me go! I give up!" Bix wheezed under Gajeel's weight, desperately trying to gain purchase with his knees to try and flip him off. Each time he began to catch hold Gajeel slammed him back down again, a fire in his eyes despite the shakiness of his limbs as he held his offender down.

"Get the fuck up, Bix!" he growled, his voice shaking with barely-contained wrath, "You just gonna wallow in self-pity?!"

"Mavis' sakes, I get it! You're gonna break my fuckin' arm!"

"Then. Get. Up. Bix." His voice dropped lower, malevolence laced into each syllable, "Yer a fuckin' head taller than me, Bix, you got a higher center of gravity. Flip me off. Push yerself up. Ain't no one stoppin' you except yourself."

"You're stopping me! Gods alive, get off!" he finally got his feet dug into the dirt enough to buck Gajeel up just as one of his babies swooped down and slammed into the side of Gajeel's face. He lost his grip for only a second and Bickslow took full advantage, yanking his arm free and attempting to pull his legs up underneath him to get away. Just as he did, Gajeel wrapped his arms around his waist and with the type of trained strength expected of a master of hand-to-hand combat and ripped Bickslow from his knees and suplexed him, slamming his head and neck into the ground. Laxus just caught the wide-eyed shock in Bix's eyes before he impacted heavily into the ground and in an instant Gajeel had rolled back to his knees again, pouncing on top of Bickslow before he could have a chance at recovery.

It suddenly dawned on Laxus that Gajeel wasn't actively trying to hurt Bix, just get him on the ground. And although he didn't want them to keep fighting, he couldn't justify shocking them both to end it. Brontide rumbled through the air as he fought to contain himself, to convey warning, just do somethingthat wasn't standing there watching one of his best friends and his boyfriend wrestle around on the ground in an effort to prove a worthless point.

"Laxus," Freed interrupted his thoughts, his right eye becoming infused with his Dark Ècriture magic as he spoke, "If you wish I can make it so they can't fight anymore."

"OR I CAN TURN YOU BOTH TO STONE!" Evergreen yelled at them pointedly, although the two on the ground paid her no heed. Gajeel was straddling Bickslow, pinning his arms down and not allowing him a chance to rise. Each time he tried, Gajeel would use his hips and his body, now almost an impenetrable wall because of his Iron Scales, to force him down, knocking his elbows out from under him every time Bix got the chance to find some grip and get some weight under him.

"Let them fight it out," he said at length and both Ever and Freed seemed stunned, although they didn't say anything contrary to his decision. He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, driving down his need to release more electricity into the air. If defending Gajeel wasn't helping him then fine he wouldn't defend him, but he wouldn't help Bickslow either.

"Where's your fighting spirit, Fairy Tail Mage?" Gajeel growled, finally having forced Bix where he wanted him. They were breathless, sweaty, and Bix's head was turned to a frightening angle as Gajeel kept his head pinned to the side, unable to look up at the Dragon Slayer and take him over with his soul-manipulating magic.

"I told you, I give up…" Bix gasped through his gritted teeth, "What do you want? An apology?"

"I want you to understand what it's like to fight against something you know will win," Gajeel hissed back at him, not allowing him the slightest inch to move, "Do you think I want to be like this? Having nightmares? Fucking panic attacks in the middle of the night because I touched Laxus's neck in just the right way that I… that I can f-… I can feelit all over again?"

Bickslow didn't respond, just glared into the ground.

"Face it head on, Bix? How do you fucking face something that ya know is just in yer head? If you know then fucking tell me because I don't and it fucking pisses me off..." the anger in his voice was falling, turning sour. He wasn't brutally angry anymore, wasn't even lecturing the man underneath him. It sounded like he was talking to himself.

To Bix's surprise, Gajeel released his ruthless hold on him. He leaned back on his heels and toppled to the side, rolling to his back and covering his face with his arms. Bix scrambled up, half expecting Gajeel to find some new, even more brutal way to restrain him but instead the raven just lay there, ribcage shuttering as if his lungs couldn't quite take in the air he was breathing. Laxus steadied himself and then slowly approached, stopping at his side and accidentally kicking up the slightest bit of dust with his feet.

"Oi… you alright?"

…

"Gajeel, answer me."

"I need a minute," he forced out, pressing his palms into his eyes.

"Yeah… Bix does that to people."

"And I fell for it like a fucking idiot…"

Laxus sank down to the ground close enough to reach out and touch him though he didn't dare try, not yet anyway, "You're not an idiot, Gajeel. Bickslow is just an ass."

A sharp intake of breath told Laxus that Bix was going to defend himself Laxus shot him a piercing look, silencing whatever words were just on his tongue. Bickslow clenched his jaw, finally realizing he'd really done it this time. He could hear Freed and Evergreen approach, their steps quiet and unsure, not wanting to set off another rage-filled fit by encroaching.

"You're pretty badass, ya know that? It took ya, what, ten seconds to take down Bix? Don't think I've ever seen that before." Laxus smirked down at his tanned hands, running his gaze down to study the scars and studs on his forearms.

"It was very impressive," Freed piped up, still unsure but attempting to help.

"Thanks…" it sounded sour and his face twisted into a snarl. Laxus reached forward in an attempt to pull one of his arms out of the way and Gajeel snapped at the movement, grabbing a hold of Laxus's wrist and holding it in place. He was on high alert, his eyes holding a touch of the panic that was there the previous night.

Laxus smiled down at him gently, "Why do you always insist on covering one of my favorite parts of you?"

Red swept up Gajeel's throat at that and he gritted his teeth in an attempt to keep his embarrassment from smothering out his still potent anger, "Why do youhave to insist on doing that?"

"What? Complimenting you?" he whipped his wrist around to get out of Gajeel's grasp, "I told you I hate it when you say bad things about yourself. If you won't highlight the good then I will."

Gajeel rolled his eyes, finally sitting up and pulling his feet up so he could rest his forearms on his knees. He stared at his hands and his voice sounded tired, "Sorry fer comin' after ya, Bix."

"I deserved it," he said simply, punching Gajeel mildly on the shoulder, "We're even."

"Good job, Fairy, I knew you could make friends," Laxus teased and Gajeel stiffened.

"Don't call me that," he growled.

"And why not?" Evergreen interjected, getting a rise out of the three men sitting on the ground, "You're a member of Fairy Tail, aren't you?"

"That wouldmake you a Fairy," Freed agreed, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

"And you know us Fairies," Evergreen rolled her eyes, "We're protective when it comes to our family."

"You're not alone, Gajeel," Freed added, "Everything that you're dealing with, we want to help... even if we don't know how best to do it."

"…aaandyou're practically part of the Raijinshuu, now, so you should probably get used to us." Bix chimed in.

"It's not you against the world anymore, love," Laxus purred gently, intertwining his fingers with Gajeel's as he spoke, "You don't have to carry things alone, that's what your friends are here for… That's what I'mhere for."

"Mavis' sakes…" Gajeel sniffed and made a clumsy attempt to cover it with a cough.

Bix grinned a wide, toothy smile, "Aw… the Fairies are rubbing off on you, mate."

Laxus leaned over and nuzzled into his partner's neck gently, wrapping his arm around his waist as Gajeel's scales finally dissipated. He planted a gentle kiss on his jaw just as Ever and Freed reached the two, also engulfing Gajeel in warm embraces. Even Bickslow, slowly at first and then with more sureness, leaned over and wrapped an arm around Gajeel's shoulders.

"Gods alive you guys are sappy as hell…" Gajeel muttered in their awkward group hug, meriting a chuckle from the Thunder God.

"Better get used to it, you're stuck now."

"Yeah… I guess it ain't so bad."