Chapter 105:
No nightmares. No nightmares because he stayed awake, eyes burning into the darkness, until he didn't have a choice but to fall into fitful sleep. The train's deceleration woke him up as they stopped at a little nothing town so Gajeel could make a withdrawal from an account he hadn't used in a very, very long time. Hajime had been like a father to him when he was young, far better than he'd deserved. Back when he was too young and too stupid to know what to do with so much cash from target missions, Hajime would take his earnings and stash it away, only giving him enough to live comfortably. So much blood money adds up over time. One day he would tell Laxus that he had enough money that he never truly needed to work again but... not today. Today he was grappling with forgetting something important with all the knowledge of how dreadful that emptiness in his memory was but not able to quantify it. Like the gaping hole of a lost tooth, he could feel something had once been there, but there it was no longer. There was just the shape of it left now, the emptiness, and he wished it weren't so.
He ached, oh, he ached. He ached like twisted skin in the grasp of one who dragged him along behind it. He ached like something that hadn't healed properly, a bone set but not quite, you see that hairline fracture? It'll snap again and when it does it'll hurt even worse than before. Oh, he ached. He ached the entire train ride home. He ached with each sordid word he wrote for good Dr. Alexi in his journal. He ached when the stop for Magnolia was called, and he disembarked. He ached through the streets and to the house he knew so well. He ached like he was barely held together with rough twine and strings, sewn together with a needle that just wanted to keep him alive and nothing more. There was a blood trail of him up the walk, across the patio, and into the door. Crimson pieces of him littered the floor as he cast his gaze about for Laxus.
He could hear a record playing, and it melted some of the pain away. He could hear a deep voice humming, and it melted some of the pain away. He could hear the sound of water, smell the fresh scent of amber and the humid mist of a thunderstorm, and it melted some of the pain away. He dropped his pack in the hall, and it melted some of the pain away.
He was standing in the bathroom, every agonizingly perfect inch of him. The razor in his hand was flush to his pale throat and it glided down. He leaned towards the mirror, the velvet slope of his spine exposed as he stood shirtless, golden eyes listing towards where Gajeel stood in the hallway. It was slow, the smile that dragged its way across his face, eyes brimming with light that only he held, that only he held for him. Beautiful. He was beautiful, and it melted the pain away.
"Welcome home," Laxus hummed, dropping his task in an instant.
What followed was nothing short of chaotic. Gajeel took two long strides to close the distance between them, and they crashed together. It wasn't really supposed to happen that way, was it? They were supposed to be kind and gentle and full of longing and grace but Laxus was fumbling his way to his belt as they stumbled into the hall. Gajeel clattered back onto the bed like maybe he was trying to run from him, to get away, pulling himself back on his elbows as Laxus pulled himself atop him, slipped perfectly his hips between Gajeel's thighs.
"Sh-shit," Gajeel gasped as Laxus handled him roughly, pulling his shirt free, "Shouldn't we be saving this?"
"No..." his voice was haggard, like he'd been desperately holding something back and couldn't help it anymore, "Later, I'll have you... nice and slow... but now..."
"Gods..." his throat closed as lips pressed against his jaw.
"I could take you now and it would be easier when we come back..." he mouthed at his neck, "...or... maybe not."
"Laxus!" Gajeel gasped, feeling his way down the man's chest, relishing in his warmth, "Whatever... you want. Please, do whatever you want... to me..."
"Mmm..." he hummed into Gajeel's ear, wrapped his hand around the two of them, "Tell me something beautiful."
"Beautiful? Like what?"
"Your welcome home party." Laxus sighed.
Gajeel's heart shuddered once hard in his chest, knowing immediately what it was that he wanted to hear, "Everything that's left in me is yours."
"Yes," he whispered against his lips.
"Just as it was," Gajeel crooned, his lip curling up slightly as Laxus pressed hungry mouth to skin. "Before the otherness came, and I knew its name. The love, the dark, the light, the flame-"
A golden eye opened and stared down into his own. A hand circled around his throat, possessive and holding him down but gentle, so, so gentle. Gajeel arched his back, held onto the wrist that held him down and threaded the other into sunlight hair.
"The eyes at the height of my baby,
Let's hope at the fight of my baby,
The lights were as bright as my baby,
But your love was... was unmoved."
Laxus groaned, insistent.
"And tell me if somehow some of it remained.
How long you would wait for me?
How long I've been away?
The shape that I'm in now is shaping the doorway
Make your good love known to me-"
Lips shut him up and the lightning mage spilled over his hand and over Gajeel. He didn't mind, he was soon after. The blonde was still breathing hard over him after a moment. Gajeel grinned and sighed and continued, moving his lips as Laxus's still hovered so close by.
"The sights were as stark as my baby,
The cold was as sharp as my baby,
And the nights were as dark as my baby,
Half as beautiful, too."
"Yeah?" Laxus hummed, "I'm not conceited enough to think you made that for me."
"T's a song... I think you'd like it. A little bluesy, though." Gajeel stroked his thumb down his lover's scar, "Oh fuck... I missed you."
"I've missed you," Laxus breathed and kissed his palm, "So, so much."
"I didn't accidentally ruin later, did I?" Gajeel asked, now becoming sheepish.
"Absolutely not," Laxus smiled, helping him back up, "I gotta finish getting ready... I guess you better shower."
"I'll be quick."
Gajeel scratched at his own stubble as he crossed the hall towards his room. He toed off his boots as he went, pulling his soiled shirt the rest of the way off, stepping out of his pants. His eyes glanced over to his closet, spotting where his suit hung pressed and clean, waiting to finally get some use...
Gajeel blinked, eyes locking onto the overhead shelf. His belongings had been shifted. He narrowed his eyes, glided quietly over and stood up on his tiptoes. There was nothing strange aside from the distinct smell of Laxus, but surely that could be from their quick romp just now still clinging to his skin? Except, as he heard water once again coming from the sink, he pulled down the box that hid pieces of his past he refused to let go of and found that something was missing. A low carbon steel blade, well used to the point Gajeel had no longer been satisfied with its sharpness, was inexplicably gone.
"Gajeel, I'm done in the bathroom," Laxus called.
He stole the box back away and pretended he'd just been grabbing his suit the whole time, "Yeah, Sparky, I'm comin'."
"Now, now," Laxus hummed as he helped Gajeel button up his shirt, "We're gonna be late."
Gajeel was slipping his hands across his hips, taking time to appreciate how he felt under his calloused fingers, until finally Laxus grabbed his hand to stop him in his dutiful march downwards. He grinned innocently, and Laxus bent down to lay a suspense-filled kiss just touching his lips, only enough to entice him. Gajeel just watched his fingers work, and when he was finished, he watched the way he tucked in his shirt and grabbed his jacket. Mediocre never looked so beautiful as when enshrined on Laxus's shoulders, the sweep of his gaze, his grin.
He'd been spending time with Mirajane, because he prattled idly about the guild's drama as he watched Gajeel enforce the barest amount of order onto his hair, only pausing to laugh and say he enjoyed the mess when the raven began to become frustrated.
"Ain't they been fighting a lot lately?" Gajeel commented dryly, "Seems that way... ever since you, we, came out?"
"I suppose," Laxus replied, "Mira says Freed's been having a hard time... dealing with that."
"Yeah..." his red eyes listed to the side as he thought.
"Hm? You think you know why?" Laxus prodded, smirking.
Gajeel clicked his teeth, "I have an idea but... if I'm right, it ain't my place to say."
"How ominous," Laxus raised his eyebrows, "Anything I should look for?"
Gajeel's lips twitched to speak, but he thought about it before he shrugged, "Maybe pay attention to the way they smell, if you can, the next time you see them together."
Gajeel was standing in the living room when Laxus shooed him outside. He wouldn't spoil the fun, of course, but he liked to pretend. He feigned his curiosity would get the better of him up until Laxus's fingers were lifting his chin, his yellow eyes swimming as he gazed down at him in a heartbreaking way, and his was voice deep down in his throat. They were so close, Gajeel could have pressed his forehead into his Adam's apple if he wished, ran his nose down the column of his neck, and just breathe the blonde straight into his lungs. Mavis's sakes, he adored him.
"Go smoke a cigarette on the porch, if you're that impatient," he'd said in a warm way that made Gajeel shiver.
He stood out on the porch in a daze. How did Laxus do this to him? Just his nearness brought every sordid, despicable, ugly thing into the light and banished it into nothing but weak shadow. Despite everything awful that happened to him, every throb and hurt that could have brought him to his knees, the man now making preparations for later that night could banish it with such shallow words as I missed you. It all fell at his feet. He had no choice but to leave what anguished him at the door. For a short time, the world was only beautiful under him.
Steady, steady, Laxus emerged with a self-satisfied grin and glanced to Gajeel's fingers that lifted loosely his vice. Gajeel snuffed it under his boots and followed him down the street, riding a high better than anything that could have fit in a pill or powder.
"West Side Story," Gajeel murmured as he paid for their tickets.
"You're going to hate it," Laxus all but laughed out loud.
"What's it about?"
"Ever heard of Romeo and Juliet?" Laxus asked. Gajeel shook his head, "Shame, bet you'd like that one better. It's about forbidden love. Two teenage street gangs hash it out while one of the guys falls in love with a rival gang-member's sister."
"Forbidden love," Gajeel scoffed, wrinkling his nose, "And it's a musical."
"You like music." Laxus said.
He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it, opting instead to simply reply, "Yeah, I like music."
They were waiting for their chauffeur to come and escort them to their table, when Laxus noticed a shock of tawny hair coming nearer. It was Jet, clearly not paying attention to where he was going. His eyes were sweeping through the other couples and groups for, he assumed, Levy. When his eyes alighted on them he did a double take.
"Hello to you, too, Jet," Gajeel drawled. He'd opted out of his leather jacket since the night was still warm. Now that they were inside, he was unsnapping the buttons of his wrists and was rolling up his sleeves.
"Oh, hey…" he said nervously, "What are you guys doing here?"
He was wearing something more traditional; black slacks that looked freshly pressed and a white shirt with a red bow tie. He had some bright red suspenders, and his hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail. It suited the speedster, but he seemed fidgety, like he might just bolt.
"Oh, you know how much Gajeel loves West Side Story," Laxus shot the raven a crooked grin, "You looking for Levy?"
"Yeah… she got here before me. I thought she was going to be at the front, but I can't find her."
"That's probably because she's at the bar, Speedy," Gajeel nodded.
They glanced over. Laxus spotted her almost immediately given the bright yellow color of her dress. Her sleeves were ruffled and hung off her shoulders. She was leaning over the bar talking to the tender, finishing up something that looked like a Mai Tai. Judging by the empty glasses in front of her, it wasn't her first.
"Is she trying to get drunk?" Jet hissed, exasperated.
"Maybe she's trying to make you mad," Laxus hummed, smirking. He could feel Gajeel's critical look.
"Well, it's working."
"So, she had a few drinks to loosen up," Gajeel defended, "She's just lookin' for a good time."
"And you would know...?" he prompted sharply.
"Why don't you go over there and ask her who she's waiting on?" Laxus goaded gently, derailing his anger immediately. When Jet gave him a befuddled look, he rolled his eyes, "Pretend you've never met before? Have a little fun? You know, you come here often? Like that."
Jet blinked, still completely lost, "Why would I do that? We've known each other since we were kids."
"Fucks sakes…" Gajeel rubbed at his temples.
"You… you're not getting what I'm saying," Laxus tried not to sound bewildered, but he was suddenly understanding Levy's desperation, "Role-play. You know, pretend you're someone else. Do something you wouldn't normally."
Jet scoffed, "That's not romantic."
"You… you don't have to be romantic all the time." How was he losing this conversation, right now?
"Give it up, please," Gajeel deplored quietly, "This is painful to listen to."
"Excuse me-?" Jet snapped, bristling at the iron dragon slayer.
"Too late." Laxus cut him off, "She's found you."
"There you are!" Levy slurred, gripping onto Jet's arm and nearly toppling them both over, clearly already drunk, "Where have you been for so long? I've been waiting for ages."
"I… uhh… was looking for you, actually." Jet began, but Levy's eyes finally focused on Laxus and then Gajeel. Her eyes lit up and she beamed.
"Oh hey! Gajeel, you're back in town! Did Laxus give you the book I translated?"
"Hey Shorty," he smirked, shooting Laxus a quick, inquisitive look, "No, he didn't."
"Oh shit, yeah. I was going to tell you when you got home but... we got distracted."
"I didn't realize you two were going to be here!" she grinned. Suddenly her eyes blew wide in excitement. She gasped, "We should do a double date!"
"A double date?" Jet said, barely hiding his distaste for the idea.
Laxus felt a pang of regret. Gajeel's smirk widened to a lopsided grin that showed his sharper teeth, amusement making his eyes spark with mischief.
"You sure about that, Shorty?"
"I'm sure they want to be alone," Jet said with a point in his words that was totally lost on four-drinks-in Levy. Jet was looking at Gajeel out of the corner of his eye, still tense enough to run at a moment's notice.
"Jet, are you serious?" she huffed. The speed mage was nearly outright glowering now.
"What do you mean, am I serious?" he scowled.
"Look at what you've started," Gajeel muttered up at Laxus, pretending to cough to hide that he was talking about the arguing couple directly in front of them.
"If I'd known, I would have kept my mouth shut," he mumbled back, "Goddamn. Please tell me I was never that dense with you."
Gajeel chuckled. "Well, you weren't the one in denial about liking men."
"Oh, you're right… you might have been that dense." Laxus teased. Gajeel elbowed him playfully.
"I came around."
"You sure did." He hummed suggestively, stooping ever-slightly towards him. Gajeel scratched at his neck like it would hide his blush.
"Why don't you let them answer?" Levy was saying, waving her hand like she might smack him.
Jet shot both men a look, quietly saying no. Gajeel saw the challenge in his eyes and also shot Laxus a sideways glance, "You should really take responsibility for what you've done, here."
Laxus gave him a deploring look, "I was trying to help."
"Maybe we can double date some other time, Lev," Gajeel began gently, but her brown eyes got large in her disappointment and all three men were suddenly extremely uncomfortable. Jet let out a sigh, and Gajeel and Laxus shared a look. The blue-haired woman knew immediately she'd just gotten her way. A radiant smile lit up her face and she jumped in a circle that Jet had to catch her in so she didn't stumble and fall.
"Let's go!" she said in a sing-song voice.
Laxus was sure their group was quite the sight. Three men escorting one little, clearly-drunk bluenette around? They got their fair share of curious looks. It had taken some doing, but they were given a table up on the balcony not dissimilar to when Laxus had brought Gajeel once-upon-a-time ago. He caught a glimpse of Gajeel pulling out a roll of jewel and slipping some to the chauffeur before smoothly pocketing it again as if nothing had happened. Laxus crooked a brow at him, and the iron dragon smiled like he'd just been caught.
"You take missions while you were out of town?" Laxus asked.
Gajeel got a bit closer to him, "D'you remember when we were heading home from Ember Isle and I asked you to run away with me? Said I had a little money stashed away... just in case?"
Laxus eyed his pocket for a moment, "That looked like more than just a little money."
"I got the money to pay you back too... like I said I would."
Laxus narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously, "Just how much do you have stashed away... just in case?"
He dropped his voice low and leaned in close, "If I told ya, I'd have to kill ya,"
"Laxus! Gajeel! What are you doing back there?" Levy was leaning back in her chair precariously. Jet was fussing over her, making sure she didn't fall, "Come on!"
Gajeel rolled his eyes good-naturedly and the two took their seats.
When the snaps started, Laxus glanced over to Gajeel, the latter of which had a dubious look plastered across his face for most of the opening number.
"You do a lot of that during your time at Phantom?" Laxus asked, trying his hardest not to laugh, "Standing on street corners and menacingly snapping your fingers?"
"Oh yeah..." Gajeel smiled like a rogue, "Greased my hair like that too."
"I'd believe it," Jet said, his tone clipped. Levy shot him a look.
After the amuse-bouche, Gajeel leaned back in his chair and muttered quietly to the waiter for some top-shelf whiskey and Jet requested red wine. Liquor poured, but Laxus made sure he didn't indulge too much. Gajeel didn't seem intent on getting drunk either, instead sipping slowly as he watched the stage.
"Damn..." Gajeel leaned over towards Laxus, "I actually kinda like this."
"Get him a little culture in prison and suddenly he likes theatre?" Laxus laughed, talking into his fist so as to not be too loud, "We trying an art museum next, or...?"
Gajeel's brow furrowed, "They have a statue of you there?"
"What?" Laxus tipped his head, puzzled.
"Cuz yer a work of art."
Jet spat out his wine and Gajeel grinned like a devil, baring his teeth. Laxus rolled his eyes and sipped his whiskey, shaking his head because he knew that somehow Gajeel had planned that.
Laxus found himself watching Gajeel from the corner of his eye. The more he drank, the looser he became with his speech. His voice swung low and honeyed, and he showed more and more his sharper teeth. When last they were here, Gajeel had been pensive. There had been fresh tracks on his arms and burns on his wrists. He'd had bourbon whiskey then, too, but he'd been guarded and dark. Now, he leaned back in his chair tapping his finger on the rim of his glass, red eyes flashing in the dim light as he watched the show below. He ate heartily and his body curved towards Laxus as if it wished the table between them were gone.
"Who did we see, when we were here last?" Laxus asked.
"Hm? Willie Benson," Gajeel said between a bite of venison.
"That's right..." Laxus smirked, "Your favorite was Jackie and Wilson."
"Yeah..." he looked a bit impressed, "You ever figure out how to really enjoy music?"
Laxus gave Gajeel an obvious appraising look, running his eyes up the curve of his arm, "Maybe."
Gajeel gave him a wink, looking like a peacock that had just been told its feathers were more valuable than gold. He ran his tongue against his canines in a lewd way that made Laxus's blood grow hotter.
"We're right here," Jet hissed.
"And the stage is that way." Gajeel dismissed, although he seemed to finally be getting fed up with the speed mage, "If ye kept yer eyes on the show, ya wouldn't be seein' anythin' ya don't like."
Jet leaned on his arms, his entire body turned towards Gajeel now. Laxus gritted his teeth, already seeing where this was going.
"You talk like a thug," he snapped.
"Jet!" Levy gasped.
Well, that did it. Laxus crossed his arms, "Take it back."
Jet shot him a nervous look but didn't apologize, so Laxus said it again, colder, "I said, take it back."
Tension settled between them. The wind was officially ripped from Jet's sails now that he was being stared down by Laxus. The speed mage's resolve faltered, and he glanced away. For Laxus, that wasn't good enough. He was sick of Jet's antics, and he was determined to make him relent, but when he went to say something again he felt a hand smooth against his arm.
"Do you wanna know why?" Gajeel asked. Jet stared. "Why I talk the way I do. Wanna know why?"
Jet didn't say a word for or against it, so Gajeel continued.
"I was raised speakin' Draconic. Dragons don't talk like we do. They don't form their words just in their mouth. They talk with their throat and their teeth." he leaned forward and put a hand up between himself and Levy as if he were hiding what he was about to say, although he certainly didn't drop his voice enough to conceal anything. When he spoke, though, he did say each word with tongue and teeth, "That means my mouth can do a lot more than yours can."
Jet's face flushed red with outrage. He stood, but before he could get far Laxus clamped a hand on his shoulder and forced him back down.
"That's enough from you," Laxus snarled, "You've been nothing but an ass this entire time. Turn around and watch the damn play."
"And you," Laxus swept his gaze to Gajeel, whose smug grin vanished upon meeting it, "That was crass. And you made Levy uncomfortable."
"U-um... n-no. It's fine-" Levy started, but Laxus waved her away.
"Apologize," he said, calmly.
Gajeel scratched at his neck, looking much more ashamed now than just a few moments ago, "Sorry, Shorty. I didn't mean to..."
"No, no, really, it's ok." she laughed through her embarrassment, "Jet was being a jerk."
"Still, it shouldn't have been at your expense."
She just shot him one of her winning smiles and returned her attention to the show.
It was nearing the end of the first act, after Levy had had a few more glasses of wine, that the script mage whispered something into Jet's ear. Laxus didn't catch it, but the speedster seemed confused. She stood on wobbly legs, attempting to push her chair in but failing miserably. She stumbled a bit and Gajeel caught her, gently holding her aloft as she regained her footing. She was all giggles and smiles, her eyes flashing with mischief as she apologized.
A somewhat familiar scent hit Laxus and his hair stood on end of its own volition. Gajeel asked Levy if she was going to be alright making it to the restroom. She babbled a quick, I'm not sure, before giving Jet an extremely unsubtle look. Then, as best she could, she waltzed out of their sitting area. Jet frowned disapprovingly before turning back to the play.
"What are you doing?" Gajeel demanded.
"Watching the show?" he bit back.
Gajeel's eyes widened in disbelief, "Watching the show?"
"You're just... gonna let that one go?" Laxus was starting to wonder why he was still being tactful.
"Let what go?"
"She was practically throwing herself at you, Speedy," Gajeel laughed, "How did you not get that?"
"She was not," Jet snarled, "She's just had too much to drink."
"You missed the double entendre?" Laxus asked.
"What double entendre?" Jet snarled, "You two are just lewd."
"She said she needed help getting to the restroom and then gave you bedroom eyes!" Gajeel said, exasperated.
"She did not."
"Gods alive, Jet," Laxus rubbed at his forehead in complete disbelief, "Listen, I really shouldn't be telling you this, but I went to the guild with Mirajane the other day. The girls got to talking about the bedroom-"
Jet looked nearly horrified, "They talked about what?"
"Girls talk about sex, Jet. They swap notes and they complain." The skinnier man's face started flushing with red and Laxus couldn't tell if it was from anger again or embarrassment, "It's alright. Mira said shit about me that I wish she had told me when we were dating. But the point is, if you don't get your ass up and follow Levy right now, I think you can consider your sex life over."
He was silent for a moment, his eyes darting to the way she had gone, "What did she say?"
"She said she's tired of making love all the time. She wants to do something different and fun," Laxus said it as quickly as possible, feeling like he was betraying her in a way. He was certain she'd be mortified if she knew he'd just told Jet what she'd said to her girlfriends in confidence... and him. He was dating a man so did that make him one of the girls now? They certainly didn't shy away from conversation like they usually would have.
"Why wouldn't she tell me that?!"
"She's a sweet girl, Speedy. You think she wants to come out and say it ain't doin' it for her anymore?" Gajeel said slowly, "She ain't exactly been subtle with her hints."
"She told you?"
Gajeel hesitated, "She's a very honest drunk."
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something accusatory, but at that exact moment, Laxus watched something in Jet's mind click into place. His eyes got impossibly wide.
"Oh... my god... I'm an idiot."
Laxus was trying so, so hard not to laugh at his expense, "Don't be too hard on yourself."
"What in the hell am I going to do?" he moaned, rubbing his hands down his face.
"Go track her down, for starters." Laxus sighed, "And you'd better hurry since intermission is in... fifteen minutes."
"I'm not having sex in a public bathroom!" he hissed, turning an even deeper shade of red.
"Don't you have a creative bone in your body? There's a pay-by-the-hour motel three blocks away. Go take her there." Gajeel was speaking into his hand, trying to cover his dismay, "Or you could find an employee exit? A broom closet? Doesn't matter where you go, does it? As long as you make her feel like you couldn't wait another minute to tear her dress off of her."
"But that's..."
"You act like you're scared to show her you're a man under those clothes." Gajeel sneered.
"I'm not a brute," he spat venomously.
"It ain't about being a brute," Gajeel said, a dangerous glint coming to his eyes.
"Haven't you ever wanted someone to want you so badly they couldn't stand to be gentle?" Laxus asked, a crooked smile coming to his face. His mind was flashing back to the safe house, when Gajeel had forced him down and begged him to let him bite him again, please… one more time… "They needed you so badly they couldn't control themselves?"
Jet gave him a weird look, "No?"
"But you're pretty possessive, yeah?" Gajeel asked, and Laxus could see red creeping up his neck, "You don't want to leave a mark just so everyone knows she's yours? Be a little rough about it?"
"Um… no. No, I have not," he said definitively.
"You ever read a romance novel before?" Laxus tried. Jet wrinkled his nose.
"This is ridiculous," Gajeel buried his face in his hands, "Maybe it's for the best. She's completely toasted, anyway. Consent an' all that."
"You head sex with me when I was high out of my mind," Laxus smirked.
"I had an idea of what I was doin', didn't I? 'Sides, we agreed we were having sex 'fore you took that damn drink." He muttered the words into his hands, "She mention anything to you 'bout wantin' somethin' before she started downing drinks like her life depended on it?"
Jet opened and closed his mouth like a fish.
"Just take her to the Red Roof Inn. You got everything you need on you. Tie her up with your belt. Tell her how pissed off you are that she made it a double date…" Gajeel said, exasperated, "Just, for fucks sakes, she's tiny. If you do something crazy and try to choke her, don't put your weight on her. You could do some damage."
Jet looked shocked.
"You're scaring him," Laxus was once again trying not to laugh.
"Choking is nothing," Gajeel sighed, "That's like... basic shit."
"This entire conversation is mortifying." Jet whisper-hissed.
"You'll bounce back." Laxus tried to be kind, but actually he very much doubted it.
"I had my pedigree read by a dame one time," Gajeel said, "It's good for you. Makes you a better man."
"Really?" Laxus asked. He couldn't help it, he was genuinely curious, "But you're so-…" he caught himself before he said anything incriminating. It was too late, of course. Jet was redder than Erza's hair and Gajeel was grinning so wide he could see his fangs, "I mean… what did she say?"
"Something along the lines that it was a shame my dick was attached to me because I obviously didn't know how to use it. If I was going to sleep with anything with a skirt, I needed to at least do it right," his grin was crooked and his eyes were in the distance, remembering, "I thought she was going to kill me. She said I wasn't allowed to leave until I learned how to properly please a woman. She was actually the one who said something about the choking. I guess I put my weight on her and left a nasty bruise on her clavicle. I don't really remember; I was piss-drunk when at the time."
"I'm surprised Kurogane from Phantom Lord would take something like that," Laxus mused.
"Yeah, well, you'd be amazed what you'll take when you wake up-" he stopped, darkness overtaking his amusement. He reached for his whiskey like it was a reflex.
"Hungover?" Laxus prompted.
Gajeel gave him an apologetic look, "Yeah. Hungover."
"You've had issues with women?" Jet asked. It was clear he hadn't meant to say it out loud when he gained the attention of the two dragon slayers and immediately averted his gaze to his own lap.
"I've had a lot of one-night stands," Gajeel grunted, taking a bite of food, "Every once in a while, one of them told me what they actually thought."
"Most guys have issues with women at some point. You gotta start somewhere," Laxus delicately, "Hell, Mira and I used to damn near kill each other. She likes seeming perfect and I don't like people knowing my business, so for the most part we kept it to ourselves. We almost never saw eye-to-eye."
"But you two were like... the perfect couple."
Laxus almost laughed out loud. Almost.
"Mira is the type of woman who knows what she needs and wants from a man," he said, trying to remain discrete, "She wanted me to fill those needs. I didn't, and I didn't have a desire to either. We just sort of... took from each other what we wanted when it was convenient. She was the one who insisted on dating. She didn't want to look easy."
"Don't do somethin' you ain't comfortable with but... at least give it a shot?" Gajeel said, waving his hand. "Compromise."
"And you might wanna hurry because Diesel and Bernardo are about to fight so you have maybe ten minutes before intermission."
"I can't believe I'm listening to you two right now," he said, standing up.
"Wait!" Laxus stopped him, suddenly remembering something extremely important, "Ask her about tying the ribbon."
"What?" he replied, dismayed.
"She has practiced it so many times now. Make sure she shows you how to do it, if you do nothing else." Laxus iterated, trying to impress on him the importance and worrying it would be lost on the Speed Mage, "I will ask her later and if she tells me she didn't show you, I will. And I don't think either of us want that."
Jet blanched and stepped around him, muttering a distressed curse towards the both of them as he went after his girlfriend. A dazed silence settled between the two dragon slayers. After a handful of heartbeats, Gajeel glanced over to Laxus and then Laxus met his eyes.
"It's not funny," Laxus stated.
A smile broke out across Gajeel's face, "It's kind of funny."
"It's not," but his voice wobbled from a laugh he was trying to keep down. He cleared his throat, "It's not."
"What's even funnier is the fact that we're giving him advice on being rough with his girl when you're taking me home later and making gentle, passionate love to me," his eyes were glittering in the darkness, "It's fucking hilarious."
"Ok, yeah, that's..." he sucked in a breath to keep from bursting out in a fit of laughter right before Tony killed Bernardo. He was sure the other patrons probably wouldn't approve, "That's a little funny."
The curtain fell and intermission was announced. The second main course was served despite half the table missing. Laxus chewed on a bite of rainbow trout and stared at the stage.
"What are you thinking about so intently?" Gajeel asked, enjoying his own fish. He had a sort of look about him, like he was hesitant to ask, or maybe scared of the answer.
"I'm just morbidly curious," Laxus said softly, "It's uncomfortable."
"Something about Phantom?" Gajeel guessed, glancing at the stage, "Or knife fights?"
"You used to do assassinations?" Laxus asked.
"They weren't..." Gajeel's lips pursed a bit, his eyes turned hard, "...it's... it's only an assassination if you use Magic. That was one ways Jose got around Phantom Lord bein' categorized as a dark guild. We didn't do assassinations; we did target missions. And on paper we didn't take hard targets, but, you know, hand to hand combat... things can get... complicated. Accidents happen. Things go a little too far."
Laxus seemed to mull that over, his gaze becoming farther away. He forced a smile and eyed the stage, "So, you've been in a knife fight?"
"I have," Gajeel hummed, sipping his whiskey, "T's bout half as fun as they make it look."
"Less pirouettes?" Laxus tried to bring some levity to the conversation, but it just fell flat.
"Quieter," Gajeel replied smoothly. He motioned to the stage, "A stab to the stomach like that with a switchblade? You could bleed out if you didn't get to help but it would take a while."
He made a motion in a circle around his stomach, "Not a whole lot worth hitting there. You go for the chest, and you'd want something more like a hunting knife of some kind. Something bigger, serrated if you were just worried about causing as much damage as possible."
His eyes got a bit distant, and it made a chill race down Laxus's spine to hear the cold tone in his voice, "You do it right, they wouldn't make much noise aside from the sound of all the air leaving their lungs."
"You sound like a yakuza."
"You asked," Gajeel's voice was light but his face was stoic. He looked like he was thinking hard about something, and then he leaned over towards Laxus. He ran his fingers softly across his chest, following the lines of his ribs, before picking a spot and pressing his two fingers in. Laxus's heart leapt up into his throat. Red eyes were hard as rubies as they looked up at him, locking his gaze and holding them there, "Don't aim for the sternum. Aim here, and angle it up. It's easier. They'll die in seconds."
Laxus's heart was nearly in his ears, "You found out I took your knife."
"I'll need to sharpen it for you," Gajeel swirled around his drink, "It's more dangerous to you dull than it is sharp… whatever you're wantin' it for."
"Gajeel... listen... I wasn't…"
"It's your business," he cut him off, but it wasn't in anger. His voice was a low, gentle rumble that held understanding, "I don't like it, but I can't say anything about it. I've been keeping one on me... for a while."
"I know... can't say I understand why, though," Laxus murmured, "Any part of you is a knife, if you want it to be."
"You sure you wanna have this conversation, Sparky?" Gajeel wasn't looking at him, and that stung him a little.
Laxus shrugged. He wasn't sure they could just dig their way out of this conversation anyway. Gajeel fidgeted. On impulse, he reached into his pocket for cigarettes and then put them back because it wasn't like he could just smoke inside. Laxus knew what that meant. It had to do with Bianca.
"If you feel up to it," he said gently, "You know I won't think poorly of you, Gajeel."
He stared at his glass, ran his finger around the rim of it. He spoke barely above a whisper and Laxus's chest tightened.
"I keep thinkin' if I'd had it, somehow, I coulda killed her before she got me. Turnin' it over in my head, I know it probably wouldn't have worked. They shot me with somethin' that knocked me out quick. But... I dunno..." he sighed, "At least she couldn't have hurt me with it."
Laxus furrowed his brow, "What?"
"All of my knives are low-carbon steel. Just like fire can't hurt Natsu and I'm sure lightning can't hurt you, iron becomes part of my body. What is steel except iron with some added carbon?" he smirked a bit, "It hurts, like getting a punch to the gut, and it's harder the purer the steel, but it's still iron. Unfortunately, the fact that its low carbon means it holds less tensile and compression strength. That's why you can't stab someone in the sternum with it. If it hits bone, it might break."
Laxus's eyes widened and he swallowed hard, wrestling a bit of a smile onto his face to hide the shock he felt, "You just… casually know the tensile and compression strengths of different types of steel?"
"And other metals," He laughed, "Not in a professional sense. I can't tell you psi. I don't know how to forge or smelt. I know it by taste and touch, using my hands. I could tell metal apart in the dark, although I don't know how useful it is to be able to lick something and say its platinum instead of stainless steel."
"You mean that's not a marketable skill?" Laxus chuckled.
"Don't think so," he gave a small laugh before it died quickly after.
Laxus watched his face, the long lines of him settling into the shape of a memory he kept quietly. His eyes flickered in the darkness like bloody candles. That wretched, warm blackness ebbed across Laxus's chest as he watched him. It was ironic, wasn't it, that they'd given Jet advice? That Gajeel was giving tips on something he used to enjoy but now thoroughly despised. It was an odd conundrum, wasn't it? Would they even have sought each other out as they had done if it hadn't been for Bianca? Would they be two bodies orbiting the same sun, but never close enough to touch, to know the other? Two ships passing in the void of night? Or was destiny and true love and all its sordid and saccharine connotations actually real, and they would have found their way into collision some way, somehow? Maybe it just wouldn't have been quite as destructive.
"One of my biggest regrets is that I left you," Laxus said quietly, "Maybe you wouldn't feel the need to carry a knife if I hadn't."
"It's funny, because I'm so glad you did," Gajeel chuckled but it was a dreadful, mirthless thing. Laxus's brow furrowed, but Gajeel sipped his drink as if what he'd said wasn't strange and devastating, "I love your heart, Laxus. You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, in so many ways... that's why I sometimes feel like I can't touch you, or maybe if I do, I'll leave a smudge. Fingerprints on a sun-catcher..."
Laxus frowned. He didn't understand. Why was he suddenly waxing poetic about how beautiful he was? Like, what, he would have been ruined if he had stayed? Perhaps it was that Laxus hadn't been through everything Gajeel had, but Laxus was a wizard. His life revolved around picking fights. It was true, he won most of them, but it wasn't without pain. The question was on his lips and Gajeel was already shaking his head.
"Don't ask me..."
"Gajeel," he deplored quietly, "What happened?"
"Laxus, you don't need to know."
"I know I don't need to, Gajeel, but... I want to understand."
"You don't. You think you do, Laxus, but you don't." Gajeel scoffed again and shook his head, more fervently this time.
He took a deep breath and with steady purpose he turned up his arm and laid it bare before him on the table. Laxus could see his scars, crisscrossed like the pattern of a map he didn't know how to read. Some of them, he knew, were self-inflicted. Gajeel rubbed his thumb up and down them, like he was trying to bring something to the surface. His skin blushed scarlet from the harshness.
"I know pain, Laxus. Sometimes, I enjoy it. Not for pleasure, not this kind of pain, anyway, but I crave the catharsis of it. Sometimes, I feel like there's so much trapped inside me the only way to get it out is to bleed. Dr. Alexi says it comes from needing control, because I spent so much of my life feeling like other people were controlling me, so that's how my mind decided it could get some of that control back. I don't know. It's familiar, like an old friend you know you shouldn't be around but you end up hanging out with anyway. It doesn't change. It's not new. You don't bleed differently every time you make a cut, and the knife doesn't care. It's not personal, there's no malice behind it. It just is. I've been caught before, Laxus, I've been tortured. I've been made an example of by Jose. I know how to turn pain into background noise and shut it out, to keep going despite it, to let it breathe..."
Laxus's throat was becoming unbearably tight. He couldn't wrap his head around what Gajeel was saying. The raven looked up at him for just a moment, shame and darkness and excitement warring in his eyes. Again, that joyless smile, like an apology.
"I know you can handle pain. I know you could handle that pain, even though it scares you. You can learn to think through the haze, too. That doesn't mean you have to, it doesn't mean you should. I love you for it, Sparky, I do, more than anything, because you think you want to know. You think maybe if you do you can somehow make it right... you haven't figured out yet that some things can't be made right, that some things are worse than just pain," He sucked in a breath, "You don't know, Laxus, how fucking ugly this world can be... I don't want you to find out."
"I'm not someone that needs protecting, Gajeel," Laxus stated.
Gajeel scoffed, his eyes boring into his drink like it had offended him in some way. His hands were shaking.
"How can you not understand? If you hadn't left-" he said slowly, calmly, chillingly, "-things would have been different, Laxus, but not in any way good. It wouldn't have just been me. It would have been you, or both of us. She probably would have made me watch as she did to you what she did to me, or maybe, the other way around. She'd use us against each other and the entire time, she'd tell you it was your fault because you didn't do what she told you. Do you think that would make you feel better, Laxus? Having your body ripped away from you just because some sick bitch wants something from you that you don't understand? Do you think you could stomach it?"
He closed his eyes, and Laxus could see the vein on the side of his neck jump from how he clenched his teeth. When he opened them again, his eyes were so dark they seemed almost black.
"I don't think I could."
Laxus's voice shook and he didn't really know why, if it was ire or horror or any other tangled mix of feelings balling up tightly in his chest, "That bad?"
"I can only imagine one worse thing." he said taking a drink of his whiskey, "I think, probably, watching you die."
"You've thought about something like that?"
"It's one of the nightmares I have." he said gruffly, like he was powering through something.
Laxus stood, and Gajeel flinched slightly. He crossed the space to him, and Gajeel scrambled deeper into his chair as Laxus pushed it back so he was forced to face him. Red eyes were wide, searching his in a way that told he was scared of what was going to happen next. Except, Laxus wasn't reacting in anger, or hurt, or sadness. He threaded his fingers into long, black hair and drew him close.
"That's never going to happen."
"You can't say things like that," Gajeel replied, breathless, "Yer just askin' for trouble."
"I'll fight every god that's ever existed before I let it happen," Laxus said with a power and finality that Gajeel could feel crackling in his bones, "And if I lost? I'd drag myself back out of hell and try again."
"I don't think I've ever seen you lose a fight," Gajeel muttered.
"I haven't yet, have I?" Laxus said, carding his fingers through his hair, "And you know I won't quit, either. No matter how many times I have to try. I'd find a way to come back to you."
A heartrending smile came to his face, "You say shit like that and I actually believe you, you know."
"Good."
Laxus slipped his hands up Gajeel's thighs and pulled them around his waist. Protest was on the raven's lips, but Laxus shooed it away.
"No one can see us up here," he assured him, lifting him up to sit with Gajeel wrapped around him. Red eyes fluttered closed, and he buried his face into Laxus's shoulder, "You know, these conversations used to scare me a lot more."
"Yeah?" Gajeel whispered in an attempt to hide the sob that was sticking into his throat.
"You used to talk like you wanted to die. Like that was better..."
"I told you I wanted to get better for you," Gajeel said, and Laxus could feel the dampness pressing into his neck from his eyes, "I still feel like its selfish, but I want more of this, more of you. You said I could live for you... and I want to. Oh gods, I want to..."
"I'm sorry I ask you such morbid questions," Laxus said into his hair, running his fingers through and letting it slide through his fingers, "Bring up bad memories."
"T's fine. I don't resent you for being curious. I know understanding is something that helps you. You feel like if you shed light on something, it'll be better. Just... promise me something, Sparky, please?"
"What is it?" Laxus asked leaning back so he could meet Gajeel's eyes. Bloodshot as they were, they looked up at him earnestly.
"The box in my closet-"
"I didn't... I wasn't trying to-"
His eyes shut again, he sighed, "Just, please, Laxus, don't go looking around in there. There's a man in there that I'm ashamed of, that I don't want you to see. One of these days, I'll let it go. But for now... for now it reminds me of what I don't want to go back to. So please, if you have questions about my past, or Phantom Lord, ask me. I'll be as honest as I can be. I think I've proven it to you, haven't I?"
"Yeah..." Laxus swallowed, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I promise."
"Thank you," he smiled softly.
He leaned up and kissed him. Laxus kissed him back. For a long while Laxus couldn't stop kissing him. He was kissing him still, after intermission was over and Maria was singing about feeling pretty. Everywhere he touched, he drew the raven close, closer, like maybe if he pulled him close enough the borders of their bodies would cease to exist and they'd just fall into each other. He kissed him until Gajeel was smiling into his mouth, cupping the sides of his jaw and trying vainly to tilt his chin away. Laxus in turn, began pressing more hot kisses to his neck and slipping open the first few buttons of his shirt.
"Maybe we should leave early."
"Laxus," he chuckled, "this was an expensive eight course meal."
"I could make eight courses out of you," he replied, all mischief, and Gajeel laughed.
"Restraint, Fairy," he crooned down at him, shifting on his hips forward so Laxus could feel him pressing close and wanting against his stomach, "Unless you don't want to make love to me like you said you would? All that preparation goin' to waste?"
"Can't have that," Laxus soughed, breathing him in as if he were desperate for oxygen that only Gajeel could give him, "Spent two hours yesterday plucking those damn rose petals. Would be a shame if I didn't get to stain your skin with them."
"Oh, whoops!" Levy stumbled past the partition and stopped in her tracks. Jet nearly ran into her and grabbed ahold of her arm gently as she swayed like she was going to fall. A grin spread wide across her face, "Uh oh. Maybe we should go back?"
Jet looked absolutely disheveled and he froze like a timid deer. Gajeel struggled to stand, but Laxus still had him by the collar and was reluctant to let him go.
"No, no, sorry! Sorry!" Levy giggled, "We didn't see anything! I swear!"
"Please, just go sit down," Jet coaxed her forward, "And drink some water."
Still all giggles, she sashayed past Gajeel and nearly fell into her seat. Gajeel supported her shoulder when she leaned back precariously, attempting to tuck his shirt back in at the same time. Laxus gave Jet a slow look up and down, quirking up his brow as if to ask how it went. Jet's face turned a deep crimson as he marched over and sat down. Levy leaned back enough to look at Gajeel, look on her face coy and suggestive.
"Did we miss anything important?" she asked, still slurring from drink, "Aside from you two making out?"
"That's real rich from you, Shorty," Gajeel sneered back, pulling up his collar in a sorry attempt to hide his blush, "Comin' at me like ye didn't just jump your boyfriend in the bathroom."
"Gajeel Redfox!" she gasped, although it was immediately clear the shock was all a farce, "I am a lady of class. I jumped him in the coat closet."
Jet buried his face in his hands, somehow a shade even darker. Laxus poured him some whiskey in an attempt to be kind, but a little wickedness had seeped into him as well. He crossed his arms on the table and murmured over to him, "You know, Gajeel has a cigarette if you need one."
Gajeel laughed loudly just as Chino hit the streets to hunt down Tony.