Chapter 120:
"Gajeel!" Serrill's voice called from the forest behind him, "Gajeel, wait!"
"Fuck off!" he yelled back at him, emerging onto a street.
He didn't really know if it was the right one, just that it was vaguely going the right direction. He marched onward; fists clenched as he hastily tried to dismantle the storm in his chest, to compartmentalize it, turn it into swallowable pieces. He felt hollow, like it was actually his heart that had just been ripped out.
"Gajeel, please... let's... let's go back-"
"Like hell." his voice was still gruff and twisted. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, clenched his teeth at the migraine he had from holding back tears.
No... he wouldn't go back.
Serrill was breathless, probably running to try to catch up to him. His boots slapped against the stone as he approached. Gajeel felt him grab hold of his arm, "For one second just-"
Gajeel whirled on him, knocking him back, "Don't fucking touch me!"
"Right, right..." Serrill backpedaled, throwing up his hands, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to trigger something-"
"Goddammit, not you too..." he snarled, "I don't need anyone's pity-!"
"You put up your scales so I'd feel better near Zahir," Serrill interrupted quickly, not letting him get another word in, "That's what I'm doing. It's not pity, but I should apologize for doing something I shouldn't, right? I'm sorry for touching you when you're upset. So please let's... let's talk a second?"
"No." Gajeel snapped, "I'm done talkin'. I'm leaving. And you should too."
"Don't just storm off. It won't fix anything..."
But Gajeel was already turning away from him, picking his direction and walking. He could lose the lieutenant if he tried, and it wouldn't be difficult. All he'd have to do would be to step into the rainforest and he'd blend in seamlessly. Serrill was already on his heels, though, refusing to give up.
"He's hurting, you know. He just watched someone he knew die..."
"And so did you, Serrill." he growled, not looking at him. He really just wanted to ignore him. "So did I."
"So, you understand, don't you?" Serrill insisted. "He's hurt. He lashed out."
Gajeel stopped in his place, let what Serrill was saying sink in... and then purposefully looked past it.
"Yer ok with that?" he asked, red eyes slicing towards the blonde who stopped at his side, startled, "He was a kid, and he died... for that thing. And that doesn't upset you?"
Serrill gave him a measured look before bracing himself, "I'm not going to argue the ethics of human sacrifice with you while you're this upset-"
"Fucks sakes, Serrill! Yer ok with that? Ripping someone's heart out for what? To feed the gods? What kinda bullshit is that?" Gajeel demanded, bewildered and outraged.
"The same kind of bullshit I do every day." he replied coldly, narrowing his eyes, "The crown grants me the power to use lethal force if I perceive a threat. Not if I prove a threat, if I think it's there. If I'm wrong, the crown protects me. I can kill whoever I want to, Gajeel, for the crown."
Gajeel stared at him, not understanding. Serrill visibly shored up his resolve and continued.
"You and I both agree torture is wrong, but we torture enemies to our country for information even though it's well-known that confessions given under pain can't be trusted. I won't get into the debate on capital punishment-"
"Yer comparing Erandi to criminals, now?" Gajeel's tone was scathing but Serrill didn't relent.
"Pirates are hung for their crimes, crimes that our government commits with their own vessels. And boys can enlist in an academy at eighteen, seventeen in some cases. We send them to fight off wizards far more powerful than they are, even if it means their death. Because they die for their country, it is noble. It is good."
Gajeel was lost for words. He was... he was ok with this?
"We practice human sacrifice, Gajeel. We just give it different names." Serrill sighed, vexed. "I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm saying at least he got to choose."
"What about me, then?" he snapped.
"What... what about you?"
"You know I'm next, don't you? That's why Father is after me, to rip my heart out on an altar. I sure as hell didn't volunteer. I was tricked inta a deal, and now I'm next."
Serrill looked startled, stammered for a second before giving up on whatever he was going to say. "You can't be next."
Gajeel laughed darkly, "It's somethin' ta do with a ritual and it's somethin' ta do with the equinox, but yeah, I sure am. The Ulrich case, killin' that bitch and everyone who helped her? I wanted that bitch dead for what she did to me and that was the price, my life... I'm next."
Serrill watched him, all his prior confidence gone. His grey eyes turned cold as ice as he thought. Gajeel scoffed.
"But that's… the equinox is less than a month away." Serrill said, "How are we supposed to…?"
"Ain't that the burning question." Gajeel muttered and crossed his arms, dropping his gaze to the ground, "I wonder... if he hates me."
Serrill's brow furrowed and he frowned, "Of course he doesn't."
"He's mad at me, ain't he?" he sighed, his stomach sinking as he gave voice to words he didn't really want to be true, "If he resents me... maybe it's better if he hates me."
Serrill gave him a heart-wrenching look of dismay, "No… he'll feel guilty because the last conversation you had was an argument. Don't… don't do that. To either of you. Let's go back and fix it."
"I told ya, I'm not goin' back. I'm… I'll just… make it worse. It's what I'm good at." He murmured, looking at his feet. He clenched his fists, feeling the aching in his chest jab at him as if to make sure he hadn't forgotten it was there, "It hurts..."
"Gajeel…"
"He said I haven't changed..." he whispered it, afraid to say it too loudly. Like a curse, if he uttered it where someone might hear, maybe it would happen. He felt the lump in his throat grow tight again. He tried to swallow past it, "I thought I had."
Serrill's eyes turned soft, "Maybe... maybe you're right. Give him his time and... let's talk to Dr. Alexi? She can help you get your thoughts together first and then you can figure out what you want to do."
"Are you ok with… all of this? Serrill?" Gajeel asked him abruptly. The lieutenant paused, confused. "I know you like the Major, and I know you like Irena, but are you really ok with all of this? Or are you just excusing it because of a crush?"
"Excuse me? I'm an adult, Gajeel, I can make my own-!"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. It don't change the fact we do stupid things when we love someone…" he huffed, and looked Serrill in his eyes, "Yer a smart man, smarter than me, anyway. Just be careful, is all I'm sayin'."
"I… yeah…" when Gajeel turned to keep walking deeper into the jungle, Serrill jogged back up to him, "Stop walking away from me!"
"I'm leaving. I'm done."
"Well I'm leaving with you, so…"
"I don't need a fucking babysitter, Serrill." Gajeel growled lowly.
"Right, you don't, but… maybe I need scary dog privilege? Yeah? What if I'm attacked by another jaguar?" he said hastily, an uneven laugh showing how it was only sort of a joke, "You want me in the belly of a big cat? Imagine what they'd say around the prison…"
Gajeel sighed but didn't argue. Secretly, in the back of his mind, he appreciated it. Serrill, slightly hyperactive and afraid of the rainforest, filled his languishing silence with vapid words.
"If I'm talking too much, I can stop, you know." he said after they'd finally breached the trees, finding their horses waiting for them where they'd been left. The smart beasts hadn't wandered too far.
"Did I say I didn't like it?" Gajeel said gruffly, fitting his pack onto his horse for him.
"Oh..." Serrill blinked, surprised, "I... didn't think you were actually listening."
"Keeps me from thinkin' too much." he muttered, "Don't know how you keep all that in yer head."
"I just get interested in things." he laughed nervously, "Nothing useful. I started reading about gods that originated in the area and then read something interesting and followed that to something else. Used to drive my parents crazy, growing up. Couldn't do good in school but I had all this other stuff in my head. Imagine their surprise when I excelled in academy. Something about the structure of it... I don't know..."
"And ye were in a punk rock band."
"I'm a killer drummer. Or... I was... with the prosthesis things have been... I don't know. I might have to give it up."
"Don't sell yourself short," Gajeel mused, pulling himself onto his horse, "I bet you can with this new arm. A little practice and ye'll be back on yer feet."
"You think so?" Serrill gave him a pointed look.
"Sure. I know I'd love ta hear you play."
"I'll make you a deal."
Gajeel smirked, "A deal?"
"You like to write songs... and you play." Serrill began.
"...yes..." Gajeel gave him a suspicious look.
"You make up with your boyfriend, I'll play any venue you want." he said. Gajeel's heart clenched, his smile immediately vanishing. "After the equinox. Because you're not getting your heart ripped out, either. I'll practice, and I'll play a whole set with you. It could be the dingiest bar in Fiore, and we'll play all night if you want."
He gave Serrill a dismal look and turned his horse away from him, not gracing him with a response. His fleeting mood was gone, soured by thinking of Laxus and the equinox and the futility of defying gravity when you lacked wings to carry you on the wind.
Laxus didn't know what the fuck he was doing. It was the story of his life, he supposed. He always looked cool, always looked put together, but inside he wasn't. He was frantically juggling colorful glass balls. Practiced hands caught one and threw it just before he'd have to catch another and now, he'd dropped one, let it shatter coldly at his feet, and the rest were soon to follow. He'd only keep them in the air so much longer. Soon he'd hear the shattering against the ground, and he'd walk barefoot to sweep up the pieces. Soon he'd cut his feet on what he was too careless to keep from hitting the ground.
He shouldn't have done it. He was ashamed even before he'd stormed into the house, electricity snapping at his heels as he did.
He couldn't control it. He couldn't keep it in. He needed to...
He'd made the decision before he'd made it to Magnolia that he'd drag that box down from Gajeel's closet. Guilt ate at him when he threw open the door, when he grabbed a handful of lacrima that rolled beneath his fingers, when he threw one immediately up in the air and activated it. Gajeel had said he didn't care anymore, didn't he? Fine, then. This wasn't wrong. He didn't care...
The surveillance footage blinked to life in the dark room. He didn't know what he was looking at for a long time, flipping from screen to screen like some bright sign would pop up saying look here, this is what you're after. Eventually, he saw a man leaning against the wall of a room, his face covered by his hair, his body deathly still. He reversed the footage until he saw flashes of movement and stopped, feeling his stomach pitch. He knew what he was about to see, he knew, and yet when he saw a dark form drop down from somewhere out of sight, as quiet as a nightmare, Laxus still felt sick. He watched a man younger than the one he knew slam this unnamed person into the wall, watched his fist push into his chest, and when he withdrew it, he held a knife that flashed red. The body dropped slowly, silently, and scarlet eyes flashed to the recording lacrima before he was gone again.
It wasn't real. It didn't feel real. It felt as real as when Laxus had watched him in Bianca's monitors, the moment of terrible realization just before she got the upper hand. He knew but he'd disregarded it, the fact that Gajeel was a killer. He'd disregarded it so many times these past months and he didn't understand why he was doing this now. Not really. He watched for hours, it felt like, images of Gajeel drawing blood, the entire time asking himself why? Did this change anything? Did it change how he felt? Did witnessing what Gajeel had done in his past make him love him less now?
No. It didn't. It just solidified how awful his words had been. He'd told him he hadn't changed. The man he saw in these videos was nothing like the Gajeel he knew. He hardly even looked the same. Yes, he'd seen this ghost, this demon, more than once coaxed from the charcoal remains of smoldering ambers in crimson eyes, but those were fleeting moments given life by fear, by anger, and by hurt. This person didn't smile like Gajeel did, he didn't hold softness, or mischievous mirth in his eyes. He didn't melt like Gajeel did, he didn't cry. He was stone cold and calculated with predatory eyes that found their target and hands that worked with stony precision. This man didn't feel. He wasn't real. In the end, it just made Laxus hate everything he'd done that much more. It made him think that truly there could be no undoing what he had done.
It didn't stop him from waiting though. Three days he waited for Gajeel to come home, hoping beyond hope that he'd open up that door and shuffle in. He could even come looking for a fight, to berate him or lay fists into him. Laxus would welcome it to ease his gnawing guilt. He'd beg for forgiveness, for a second chance. Please just don't let it end this way. He slept on the couch, just in case he snuck in at some dreadful hour. Laxus wanted to be there, wanted him to see with his own eyes that he was anxiously hoping for him to come home. But Gajeel didn't come home. Instead, Laxus just slept restlessly, waking to dreams that startled him.
He'd dreamt they were in the cave after Laxus had been hit with Bianca's potion. He would hold Gajeel by the wrists but he didn't flinch when he was struck by lightning. He stood there and pressed his body against his own. When Laxus demanded what was going on, Gajeel wasn't scared. He leaned close to him and breathed something quiet and tantalizing against his neck, but he couldn't hear it over the way his blood was boiling with rage. He leaned close, waiting for the ghost of breath when Gajeel would whisper it against his flesh. Just when he was about to make out the words, he woke up... and he was hard. The first night, his stomach had twisted and he turned, eyes trained on the door as he shook off the reverie. By the third morning, his stomach would fold itself over with how much he was craving lightning. It was strange and unsettling. He abruptly rose and downed some instant coffee and took a cold shower.
He decided he could avoid it no longer and went to the guild, a skinny hope inside of him thinking he'd run into Gajeel on the way there. He did his best to dodge questioning looks, refusing to talk to anyone as he took post in one of his usual places. He put on his headphones but he couldn't listen to music because it made him think of the night Gajeel had told him he wrote music. It reminded him of how the light had been gone from his eyes and how Laxus had just snuffed the light from his eyes and drove him away from his nakama... again. He didn't deserve a second chance, did he? Even if Gajeel gave it to him... he didn't deserve it.
That day, Levy came to the guild late and alone. She'd had some of her large books with her and most of the other patrons had left. Mirajane was wiping down the bar, shooting him curious and concerned glances. The more he ignored her, the more she knew what had happened, and those emotive eyes of hers grew harder with thought. He made a decision and stood, walking across the guild to where Levy had posted up, clearly intending to stay a while. She blinked confusedly up at him when he approached.
"L-Laxus..." she cleared her throat, rubbing bloodshot eyes that weren't tired. "You're back. That's such a relief..."
"Yeah, I... I'm feeling better." he said, lacking fervor. I feel worse than before I left, he thought dismally.
"I'm glad." she said, her voice also sounding flat, forlorn, "I... I'm sorry if I've caused you two to fight, I just..."
Laxus waived her apology away. He scratched at the back of his neck, "I uh, wanted to ask if you'd teach me to read draconic."
"Oh," she said, seeming surprised, "U-um… yes, I can do that. I just need my key."
"You gonna be here for a while?" he asked.
She paused, pursing her lips as she regarded him. After a moment, she nodded.
"I'll buy you a drink for your trouble."
She smiled just a bit, "Only if you're drinking too."
He didn't go home. Gajeel was good at keeping hidden. Despite his striking appearance, he knew well how to make sure he went unnoticed. He slept out in the woods, never minding even though the cold had begun to creep into the late nights and cling to the early mornings. The earliest of the changing trees were only starting to be touched by resplendent color. He kept telling himself that today would be the day he'd do it. He'd show up like some lost mutt on the doorstep, ragged from being in the elements, and scratch at the door to be let back in. He'd face him. Surely, it wouldn't be as bad as he made it out in his head. Surely, Laxus would hear him out...
He didn't go home. He kept to backroads and alleyways, meandered his way through sparsely populated areas, avoided any place he thought his guildmates might linger. Eventually, he gave up on forcing himself to walk down the street he knew so well. What would he even do when he got there? He didn't want to fight but if Laxus looked at him with that same contempt he'd had at the temple... the iron in his gut churned. He didn't want to fight but he didn't want to apologize, either. So, what did that mean? Would he just go in swinging and cause more harm? What if Laxus just stood there in stoic silence, took him in with eyes devoid of affection? If he'd turned hard and cold as stone in his absence, if he'd decided the harm he had caused was more than enough to douse the love between them, would he be able to stand it? Or would he crumple under the weight of its absence, maybe even take him down with him? If Laxus decided he didn't care for him anymore... he couldn't finish the thought. It hurt too much.
He didn't go home. Instead, he went to a bar somewhere off the main street of shops, a few alleyways and side paths back, behind a dingy strip of poorly maintained houses. It was called the Buttonhole Bar, and Gajeel hadn't been here since shortly after he'd joined Fairy Tail. Back when no one wanted him to darken their doorway for fear he'd wreck the place. He walked up to the bar and ordered the cheapest whiskey they offered, hoping maybe the dreadful taste would keep him from indulging too much. Fate, assuming he believed in it, decided it had other plans.
"Woah, woah, Gajeel? What are you doin' here?"
"Here! Here!"
Gajeel didn't glance over to him, feeling the pit in his stomach opening wide enough that he might just fall in on himself, "Fuck off, Bix."
Bickslow, of course, ignored the sentiment. He slid over to the seat next to him, ordering himself a drink as well. A long island. Gajeel tried not to judge and kept his eyes to his own tumbler. He swirled his glass like it would make the bitterness less potent. The first sip was dry, but what did he expect? It was cheap.
"You mourning your breakup too?" he flashed him a lopsided grin.
Gajeel's heart throbbed painfully. He flinched. Why would Bickslow say something like that? Why was it the first thought he had? Was Laxus telling people they'd broken up? Had they broken up? He threw back his glass, trying to wash down the sullen heartbreak welling up in his throat. He clicked his teeth as he set the glass down. The ice cubes clinked against each other, devoid of the ember liquid that kept them afloat. He ordered another.
"No kidding..." Bickslow murmured, watching him. He turned to face him, waiting patiently for the bar tender to refill Gajeel's glass before knocking his glass against Gajeel's, "To bastards that don't deserve us, eh?"
He sipped from his iced tea, maroon eyes tracking the movement of the other patrons in that intimidating way they always did. The nosey bastard was just casually looking into the hearts of people like they were magazines to flip through and he was just some bored teen in a strip mall with nothing better to do. Gajeel wondered if maybe he was a sociopath in disguise. Who could just look at people like that?
Me when I'm angry enough, a nasty thought reminded him. How easy it was to cross the distance between human and just another faceless target to snuff the life from. Maybe he disliked Bickslow because in some ways they were similar. He didn't like that idea.
"Thought you guys were more of a friends-with-benefits thing," Gajeel said flatly.
"We sure were," Bix said, his voice clipped and harsh.
Gajeel's reply was as dry as his shit liquor, "That shit only works if ye don't catch feelings, y'know."
"Don't I know it." he muttered, his babies parroting his words back into the air. His eyes suddenly lit up and his smile spread widely across his face, "Well, I'll be damned. You too?"
Gajeel chanced a quick glance where he was looking and groaned out loud when his eyes landed on Jet, clearly trying not to be spotted farther down the bar. He winced when Bickslow pointed him out, keeping his eyes locked on his beer. He waved without looking at them and Bickslow cackled.
"Aw, c'mon, Jet. Don't you know that misery loves company?" Bickslow jabbed at him. His totems flew over to him, laughing and bumping into him, bullying him from his seat. The tawny speedster punched one of them away as he grabbed his drink, clearly pissed.
"Leave him be, Bix." Gajeel growled, "Most people enjoy bein' miserable alone."
"Where's the fun in that?" he said, lacking any of the mirth that had been in his voice just moments before. His eyes flashed to Gajeel, "Let's get a table."
Gajeel didn't know why he followed, if it was from feeling bad that Jet couldn't refuse, from the strange acerbic aura around Bickslow, or just that deep down maybe he didn't actually want to be alone, but he did. Bickslow's long legs took up most of the space under the tiny round table, and he crossed his arms and leaned back in a seat that appeared comically small and uncomfortable beneath him. Gajeel forgot whether or not he was taller than Laxus. The guy walked with a slope to his shoulders that so often hid his full height, and would toss back his head when he spoke, making him suddenly seem to grow three inches. Jet sat beside him wretchedly, taking up as little room as possible. His arms were crossed, his knees together, and he leaned from Bix as if he were afraid the larger man would reach out and hit him. He took a sip from his bottle, eyeing the totems resting on the ground nearby.
Gajeel rolled his eyes at the two. (What a trio of sorry fools they were about to be.) He snagged the rest of the bottle of whiskey from the bar tender and lumbered over to the last free seat. He pulled it out and turned it around, straddling it and crossing his arms over the back as he refilled his own glass. He sighed heavily, shooting a dour look to Bickslow who was leaning towards Jet, his manic look dancing back onto his maskless face.
"Why is she pissed at ya this time?" Bickslow jabbed at him.
"Are you even dating anybody?" Jet snapped.
"Nope." Bickslow popped the p and grinned.
"Easier to find a date when yer not an asshole," Gajeel purred over his drink, gaining Bickslow's attention. The Seith mage gave him a nasty glare, "He cut ya off?"
"He?" Jet demanded.
"Ya couldn't tell?" Gajeel asked, not breaking Bickslow's gaze. He didn't know if he was daring him to stop him or asking for permission to continue. Either way, Bix said nothing and just drank his long island, "Him and Freed have a thing."
"How did you figure it out?" Bickslow narrowed his eyes at him.
"It ain't hard to put together, is it?" Gajeel smirked, "I got suspicious when we took that mission to Datura. You two were real close, yeah? But Freed started ta get moody after he found out me and Laxus were dating, and you two started arguing a lot around the same time. After we came out to the guild, seemed like every other day you two were gettin' inta fights… and I gotta good nose, y'know. You smell too much like each other to not be fucking on the side."
Bickslow curled his lip, looking disgusted, "Pretty obvious, ain't it?"
Gajee's stomach twisted. He sipped his drink to settle it. "He put an end ta things... recently?"
"I did," he proclaimed, his tone derisive, "I wanted to date around. No use pitting myself against the person he has in his head. Can't stack up to him, anyway, why keep trying? He got jealous."
Gajeel tried not to display how odd he thought Bickslow's comment was. Stack up to… who?
"He have a rule against datin' friends?" Gajeel asked.
Bickslow drew his gaze back up to him, something flinty carefully caged there, "He won't date anyone seriously." his demeanor suddenly changed, though, turning glib and he sneered, "But hey, maybe that'll change soon, eh?"
Gajeel clenched and unclenched his jaw, immediately catching what Bix was insinuating and feeling stupid for not realizing it sooner. Laxus. Of course, it was Laxus that Freed was after. If Freed knew they weren't together, he'd surely make a pass at him. Would Laxus... say yes? He'd run to Mirajane the last time they'd fought. If Freed offered to console him while he was vulnerable, would he take him up on the offer? Did they break up?
"Maybe." he ground out, looking down at his glass. His heart throbbed painfully, feeling like a lump of jagged obsidian sitting in his chest. He dropped his hand under the table and ran his thumb over his ring. Was Laxus still wearing his?
Bickslow went back to picking on Jet. This time, Gajeel didn't defend him.
"Alright, Jet. Your turn," Biscklow simpered over at him, "What did you do to piss off Levy this time?"
"Hell if I know," he snapped, "I'm just messing something up no matter what I do. I'm not showing enough affection, but I'm smothering her. I'm too jealous but she wants me to act possessive. She wants to be independent but wants me to be dominant. She can gossip about our private life to whoever she wants but as soon as I talk to Droy about anything she's angry about it. I can't keep doing this shit. It's just back and forth constantly. I'm sick of the double standards."
"Double standards?" Gajeel asked, leaning into his palm.
"Oh, it is none of your business," Jet seethed.
"Woah," Bickslow grinned, eyes widening in delight, "Pump the brakes there, Jet. Maybe he's just trying to help?"
"T's fine. Like he said, t's none of my business," Gajeel threw back the rest of his drink. This was going to be an abysmal night, wasn't it? Maybe he should just leave. But, honestly, where else would he be otherwise? Sitting alone in the dark somewhere? It wasn't really all that better, "I'd be pissed if the guy my girl was nuts for tried to fuck with my relationship, too."
"She's not nuts for you," Jet snarled.
"You know dames, Jet, they want a bad boy that's just soft for them but we both know it don't work like that, yeah? We just take what we want and dump 'em." Gajeel grinned, all teeth, "Good thing she has you to take care of her."
"Are you mocking me?" he demanded.
"Course not," Gajeel drawled slowly, "I'm just tellin' ya I agree with you. I don't think I'm good enough for her either. And I got sick of girls targeting me as some weird fix-it project years ago. It loses its charm after about the third time you royally disappoint someone."
Jet just stared at him, unsure of what to say. He was torn between agreeing with him and calling him a liar. It was a fun conundrum to witness play across his face. In the end, he swallowed down whatever affront he was preparing and took a swig of his beer. Gajeel tried not to be smug knowing he'd disarmed him.
"What about you?" Bickslow asked, eyeing him in the chest. Reading him like just another fucking magazine, like seeing into the heart of him was just a bit of entertainment to use to pass the time. He didn't like it.
"Oh, yeah..." Gajeel snuffed, sloshing his whiskey a bit as he refilled his glass. He licked the excess off his palm, "He, uh, told me I haven't changed from bein' the son of a bitch who murdered people for Jose."
Jet spat out his beer and Bix's strange frenetic air tinged with appalled disbelief. They exchanged a look. Gajeel thought for sure Jet would make a comment, but maybe even the Speedster knew better.
"I thought I'd changed quite a bit, personally, but I guess not." he hummed and threw his glass back again, downing the whole thing in one go and slamming it back on the table. He shrugged, "Oh, and then he called me a liar... and blamed me for every bad thing that's happened to us recently. That one, though... that one's probably fair. I fuck a lot of shit up without even tryin'. T'sa talent, I think."
"Goddamn..." Bix said, his lips twitching like a cat's when it spies a fallen sparrow, "And I thought it was bad I was called the wrong name in bed."
"What?" Jet hissed, "He called you someone else?"
"Guess who," he said irritably, shooting Gajeel a look.
Anger punctured Gajeel's heartache like the blistering end of a fire poker. He knew Freed was obsessed with him but the idea of him envisioning Laxus while he had sex with someone else made him damn near see red. Had he walked into the bar that very minute, Gajeel would have decked him in the mouth for good measure. Bickslow immediately sensed his indignation and laughed.
"Don't tell me that got you jealous?" he mocked him. "He's been on the cover of so many magazines. You think Freed is the only one?"
Gajeel said nothing, just sipped his drink and kept his thoughts to himself. Jet groaned.
"That's the exact reason I don't want Levy doing the upcoming issue."
"Don't blame you." Bix said, "How many times has Mira had some rando outside her door in the middle of the night because of her pinup shots?"
Gajeel blinked, appalled. He remembered Levy talking about being featured in the next Fairy Tail issue of Sorcerer Magazine. From what she'd told him, it didn't have anything to do with pinups. It was highlighting her recent accomplishments in translating Fiore's dead languages, including Draconic. He remembered how excited she'd been when she'd talked about the interview. Why in the hell would Jet have a problem with it? He couldn't imagine they'd put her in a swimsuit for that.
Jet was in the middle of his tangent when Gajeel scoffed, "Wait… she spent months on that work. And you don't want her to do the interview?"
Jet shot him a hateful look, "I don't care about the interview-"
"Well ya should." Gajeel interrupted him, "She's yer girl, ain't she? And she's bein' recognized for doin' something the best scholars in Fiore have been hung up on for decades. And she did it as a side project… for fun."
"It's not her work I'm mad about!" Jet snapped, "It's the fact she'll be half-naked on the cover."
Gajeel chuckled, "You don't have a problem when she wears dresses like that around town. What the hell is the difference?"
"As many freaks as there are out there? All it takes is one showing up at her house…"
"Fight 'em." Gajeel barked a laugh, "Ain't hard, is it? Yer a decent fighter. She's probably think it's hot, you comin' to her defense like that."
"And if I'm not there?" Jet scowled at him, "If I'm on a mission or some other bullshit?"
Gajeel raised his eyebrows and looked at him over the rim of his glass, "Your girlfriend ain't exactly the same defenseless dame I crucified to a tree, there, Jet. She'll handle it herself. And if she can't, I'd bet the entire guild would rip the guy a new one once they caught wind of it."
"Oh, I'm sure you'd leap at that chance." he said, his words as sharp as the look in his eyes. Gajeel clicked his teeth disdainfully.
"I'm just gonna say this once, Jet," Gajeel crossed his arms and rolled onto his elbows, glaring up at the tawny Speedster, "I don't want yer girl. I thought about it for a while, but she used me to piss you off one too many times and I ain't a fan of bein' used. I ain't interested. If I were, I would have dated her instead of a six-five blonde man. He wasn't the second choice. He was the first."
Gajeel leaned back and refilled his drink, pointedly ignoring Bickslow's laughter and Jet's dismay.
"Wait... you chose him over Levy?" Jet asked like the absolutely dense idiot he was. Gajeel rolled his eyes so hard it almost made him dizzy.
"More than once," Gajeel said and threw back his whiskey. He sighed, "That weekend we went to Dahlia? She was the one who wanted to share a bed, not me. I offered to sleep on the floor. And when I got back? Walked her home drunk while you two were on the outs? She asked me to come inside and I told her I wasn't interested. I went home and planned a date with Laxus to Edelweiss instead. We climbed a mountain, and he fucked me absolutely senseless afterwards."
The irony wasn't lost on him that he'd had almost this exact conversation with Laxus so long ago at the Bloodgood Atheneum. In fact, while Bickslow was laughing at how red Jet was turning, he told him as much.
"Y'know I have this same problem with Laxus. He also thinks I'd drop him for her in a second. Do I act like a dog barkin' up her tree? What the fuck?" he snarled, and Bickslow laughed harder. "The library, when you walked up on us makin' out? Was because he wouldn't touch me 'cuz he thought I'd care if Levy knew. Pissed me off so I got a little rough with 'im. Too rough, probably. Felt a little bad about that one. Laxus is… such a particular type of man."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Bickslow chuckled, much to Jet's mortification.
"Oh, so gentle," Gajeel hummed as he finished this drink, "Holds me like water instead of what I am, a fucking knife."
At this point, when Gajeel poured himself another, Bickslow waved his hand, still trying to contain himself, "You need to slow down."
"You dragged me over here to drink with a prick who hates my guts," he accused, flicking drops of liquor at him, "And I can barely stand you as it is. I'm goin' on a bender and I'm blacking out. If yer gonna get in my way, I'll drink just fine by myself."
Bickslow's eyes got impossibly large and brimmed with challenge, though to be honest, Gajeel didn't know why. He smiled so big his tongue peeked out from between his teeth. He leaned towards Jet who jumped at being suddenly doused under Bickslow's intense attention.
"Sounds like we got some catching up to do, don't it?" he cackled and stood, striding over to the counter to order two more bottles.
Laxus's stomach growled. Levy stopped mid-translation to look at him, taking a sip of whatever mixed drink Mira had made her with a timid grin.
The bar had long closed, but Mira hadn't shooed the two away. Maybe it was because she felt bad for him, or – probably more likely – she just wanted to eavesdrop on their conversation, but she decided to let them stay as long as they wanted. She was sitting in the seat beside him, lounging as she, too, drank her nightcap lazily. She was also staring at him, bemused.
"Would you like me to make something?" Mira offered, "There's a few things I haven't put away in the kitchen yet..."
"I'm fine, Mira. Don't worry about it," he grunted, but he could already tell she was going to insist.
"If you're hungry, you need to eat," she stated in a no-nonsense way that made it clear she wouldn't hear an argument. "It will just take me a couple minutes..."
"It's not... I don't want... food." he forced out. They both gave him a funny look and he sighed, "It's lightning. I'm hungry for lightning."
"Lightning?" Mira raised an eyebrow at him, puzzled, "Since when did you crave lightning?"
"Natsu and Gajeel do," Levy said, taking him in like she was trying to ascertain something different from his words, "crave their elements, I mean. Wendy doesn't but..." she waved her hand, motioning to the air around them.
He sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, "It's been... a new thing."
Levy frowned, "Since you came back, you mean?"
"Yeah."
She had asked him about the trip, and after everyone had left he had told her as much as he dared. Mostly, he just left out the parts about Erandi being dead. He didn't think he could handle her reaction, especially since it still made him feel sick to think about. He had told her about seeing Father, though, and the storm. He'd also told her about his and Gajeel's fight, and she'd been mercifully quiet on the subject. He suspected it was because she, too, had recently fought with Jet, as evidenced by her red-ringed eyes when he had first approached her, and that she equally didn't want anyone's advice right now. Mirajane had seemed to pick up on this from them both, because for once in her life she didn't pry. On any other day, he would have preferred that. Today, it made him feel worse. It meant it was at least half as serious to her as it was to him.
"Would you like me to make some?" Levy asked, lifting her stylus. Laxus felt a little silly for forgetting she was able to do that. The corner of his lip quirked up a bit.
"You mind?"
"Not at all," she smiled sweetly at him, leaning on her knuckles as she did. He took a couple steps back from the table and she wrote in her Solid Script the word Lightning. He felt the pull of her magic as it turned the word into reality, and it sailed toward him without him even needing to lift up his hand. When it jumped into his skin, he wrinkled his nose.
It was weak. It could hardly be called a meal. It was more like taking a sip of lukewarm water on an empty stomach when compared to the feeling of raw lightning pouring into him from a storm. It did nothing but whet his appetite. He shifted on his feet nervously.
"Something wrong?" Mira asked, frowning.
He chuckled and it sounded off, dissonant, "It's not enough. I want... more."
Levy tilted her head to the side, confused but thinking critically, "I can't really... Well, I can but it won't be much more than that... What about your lacrima, Laxus?"
"My lacrima?" he asked.
"Well, you said you put all of the excess magic from the storm inside," she prompted with a shrug, "Maybe you can take it back out again? Eat... that?"
"No," Mirajane said firmly, "That's not a good idea."
"O-oh... it was just an idea..." Levy immediately backpedaled, "I-I guess I just thought you put it there for a reason... to use later? Like the Thunder Palace?"
Actually, Laxus hadn't had any reason aside for convenience and necessity for putting his excess magic in the lacrima. It had been a reckless decision that he hadn't considered much, but when the other option was let loose lightning until he felt better... well... it wasn't like he had much of a choice.
The process hadn't been much different than when he'd made the Thunder Palace. He activated his magic, concentrated it, and the lacrima did what it was intended to do, it stored his magic. The nature of it was slightly different, but the technique was the same. It should be equally as easy to take his magic back out. But even as he thought it, Laxus knew what happened when he ate lightning. If it was anything like that, then Magnolia would wake up to the dreadful surprise of the guild being destroyed again.
Realizing how seriously Laxus was thinking on it, Mira stood, "Laxus. No. Last time, you almost went blind, and you were very, very hurt."
"I was a kid, Mira," he assuaged her gently, "I couldn't even use my lightning magic yet, let alone contain that kind of power. Things are different now."
"I-I didn't realize you could get hurt from it," Levy stammered, "Natsu can't be burned and Gajeel can't be cut so I just assumed..."
"Lightning works a little bit differently," Laxus said, crossing his arms, "It's such raw energy when its concentrated enough it still hurts. But I can control my magic far better now than I ever could as a kid. I used to not be able to use my lightning in the rain, either."
"In the rain?" Levy asked.
"I'd fry everything in the vicinity," he admitted, "I ain't a kid anymore, Mira."
She seemed placated enough, but the set to her shoulders was still tense and nervous, "Fine just... be careful. If you feel even the tiniest bit like-"
"Of course," he replied patiently.
He took another step from the two for good measure, stood in the middle of the empty guildhall and concentrated. He took a deep breath in through his mouth and let it out slowly through his nose. He pushed away memories of Gajeel, ignoring the pang in his chest as he did so. He spread his magical influence out around himself, feeling the weight of it as it effervesced around them like the smothering oppression of a storm about to break. He closed his eyes and pressed against the sphere, allowing himself to sense the presence inside, recognizing the magic that was closed off to him. He made himself take another steadying breath before he activated it, felt how it responded to him just as easily as if it were any other lacrima. Shoring up his confidence, he reached into it.
The reaction was immediate and explosive, a dam breaking suddenly and without warning. His muscles snapped taut and ready to react as magical energy shattered free from the lacrima, filling the room with static and thunder. A fetid wind whipped into a vortex around him. Distantly, he heard Levy and Mira yelling, but he couldn't decipher what they were saying, or even if it was directed at him. He was trying to summon the magic erupting all around him, magic that he placed in the lacrima, that should have been his, but it didn't respond to him. It coalesced around him, taking shape. A massive paw appeared before him, and he found himself forced to crane his head backward, looking up. Thunder raged around him, making his bones shake. The lightning took a form that was both frightening and immediately recognizable.
A... a dragon. He stumbled back a step, astonished at what he was seeing. The presence stared down at him with eyes consumed by burning lightning. It's silhouette quaked like it couldn't quite keep its form, and Laxus felt that snap of reality shifting, except he less so stepped onto that fine wire as he was dragged onto it. There was a recognition, an understanding. The great head of the dragon leaned down towards him, its maw opening wide. A long tendril of livid lightning snapped towards Laxus's uplifted hand as he reached for it. Lightning that wasn't his, that had been given to the lacrima and changed, was given back. Euphoric fission broke through his body at the unbearable sound of thunder cracking, and the magic suddenly collapsed back into the lacrima. It shattered like a dream to the dawn and the sheer force of it knocked Laxus off his feet. He gasped and pressed his palm to his eye, stunned.
"Ow, ow, ow, fuck." Laxus hissed as the searing orb in his eye throbbed severely, then angrily, then weakly. Silence settled, and Laxus blinked through the haziness of his vision to see Levy and Mirajane standing in the middle of the wrecked guildhall. Mira had shifted into Satan Soul and was holding Levy steady. They both looked as dismayed as he felt.
"Well..." he said at length, "I'm not hungry… or blind."
"What... was that?" Levy gasped, shaking herself free from Mira's grasp, "Lacrimas aren't supposed to... do that."
"Not a regular lacrima." Laxus shrugged, "The dragon was a fucking surprise."
"Dragon?" Mira demanded, "What dragon?"
Laxus furrowed his brow, at first thinking Mira was fucking with him. How could they not have seen the massive, five-story-tall dragon standing right in front of him? But she appeared genuine, and Levy, too, looked downright confused. The bluenette shook her head at him.
"There wasn't a dragon, Laxus... just lightning."
"It was... there..." he said eloquently. "It was right in front of me."
The two women exchanged a look. Levy walked towards him, shrugging, "Did it say anything?"
Laxus furrowed his brow as he thought, "I don't... think so?"
"Maybe it's your dragon, Laxus." She shrugged again and offered him her hand, "Maybe next time ask for its name?"
"...yeah..."
Laxus reached for her and abruptly stopped. An itching feeling shot up his arms, solidifying a very real impulse to reach forward and drag her down on top of him. It was visceral, and it shocked him into inaction. He watched the way she pursed her lips, the slight pout when she got confused. Her dress dipped low where she was bent towards him, and his eyes wandered over the silken smoothness of her chest before he tore his gaze down to the ground.
"Laxus...? Are you alright?" she asked, concern bleeding throughout her tone. Concern that made him feel strange and uncomfortable.
"I feel... strange." he admitted, his tone clipped.
Mirajane came up next to her, "Are you hurt? Should you lay down?"
"Yeah... yeah maybe I should call it a night." he said hastily, drawing himself to his feet.
"Will you be ok walking home?" Mira pressed, stepping towards him. He immediately waved her off. Her frown turned sharp, "Laxus."
"I'm fine... It's just been rough the last few days. And I've been sleeping on the couch, waiting for Gajeel..." he muttered, running his fingers through his hair, "I'm... I'll just go."
"Alright..." she relented hesitantly, "You'll come talk to me if you need anything, right?"
"Of course, Mira..." he said and rushed out the door.
Author's Notes:
I'm posting the depressing breakup chapters all at once. It's somewhere around 30k words. Ya'll, I've been doin' some WORK.
Please accept this as my humble apology for making you all cry last chapter. :') Hold your tomatoes I beg.
Also, to all the Bickslow stans out there, I'm sorry, he's my fall guy. I like writing him as an asshole.