Jay was exhausted and considering all that the last few weeks entailed he wasn't really surprised that when he was invited to go out for drinks after work, he turned down the offer. All he wanted to do was get home, kick off his shoes, shower and open up a bottle of beer as he ruminates over the last few weeks. He was having a baby with a woman he did not know, a woman he'd come to find out was his boss's daughter, adopted daughter, but his daughter nonetheless.

Fuck. He couldn't have screwed up his life more than he has already done.

He was going to have a baby he didn't want with a woman that he didn't want. But maybe he did want the baby? Maybe it won't be as bad as his mind is determined to make him think it will? He couldn't think straight, he couldn't process his emotions because while a part of him is excited, not as excited as he was during the first prenatal appointment he attended, but he felt like he truly couldn't bask in it with this cloud of secrecy hovering above his head. He needs to tell Abby.

Today. Or maybe tomorrow. He needs to just come out with it, rip it off like a bandage and stop making excuses for delaying the inevitable conversation that needs to happen.

Erin was a day over 15 weeks pregnant, almost four months, and every day that passes is another day closer to her due date, another day closer to when he'll officially become someone's dad.

His cell phone vibrated as soon as he slammed his car door shut, face squinching up because the last thing he wants to do is take out his emotions on his car. It's been nothing but reliable. He digs into his pocket, pulling out his cell phone and glancing down at Erin's text illuminated on his lock screen, Sorry for the late response, I just got finished meeting with my new landlord, I signed the lease, I'll officially be moving in at the start of the new year and now guess what I have? Jay doesn't have a chance to respond to her text before a picture pops up on his lock screen. It's too small for him to see without swiping and opening up the message. It's a picture…of keys. They have been texting each other on and off throughout the day, depending on the free moments they've had to send off a message.

It was always simple texts that were straight to the point. No getting to know each other. No talking about anything but the baby, except for right now, her sending him a brief update about signing her lease and receiving her keys, leaving him a bit confused. He's not going to respond back, more so, because he doesn't know what to say. He's too busy thinking about what he's going to say to Abby, he has to tell her, as soon as possible because it'll be selfish not to mention anything to her. If he wanted a relationship with his kid then his girlfriend had a right to know about the kid. No matter how many emotions he currently experiences at one time, no matter how many times he tried to push the thought of a kid to the back of his mind and no matter how many times he's faced with the reality of a baby, he can't escape from any of it.

It's like he's more hyperaware of any and everything that involves a baby.

He's probably seen more parents and their kids this week than he's seen in months. He's probably heard more babies cry this week than he has in his lifetime. Maybe it's just because he's paying more attention now than he has in the past but it's like they're everywhere…

He can't get a break; there's no escape. They all serve to be reminders that in a couple of months he's going to have a kid that he fears he'll feel no affection for. There are no feelings for its mother so what could possibly make him think he'll feel for the baby? Because it's half of him, because he contributed to its conception? He felt something at her last prenatal appointment, it was a glimmer, something small that sparked within him at the sound of a heartbeat but the second the monitor was cut off, it went away. Jay doesn't want that to happen in real life, he wants to love his baby because that's what any kid deserves but what if he can't offer that?

Jay has never wanted kids yet here he is about to have the one thing he never wanted with someone that he barely even knows.

And now, he knows that at some point, he has to do the unthinkable; he has to do something that no amount of preparation can help him through, -he has to tell Abby.

It's so weird to think about how excited he was at her last appointment yet this appointment left him craving that same emotion. He didn't get to hear the baby's heartbeat, maybe that's the reason for his lack of enthusiasm but whatever it is, he knew that deep down, he did feel a spark of joy, a spark of curiosity that left him wondering will the kid be a girl or boy, look like him or Erin or behave like a combination of the two of them.

As soon as he entered his apartment building and stepped into the elevator, he leaned his head back against the wall and shut his eyes. A part of him had hoped the elevator would get stuck so it'll postpone what he inevitably has to do. He sighed out loud before muttering "…fuck!" He didn't even want a kid. A kid is permanent. It's a human being, a life that he created but not in the ways he'd always wanted, he wanted to be married, settled down in a house and up in the ranks of his profession. He was far from that, he was in an apartment, he just started a new job and he was in a relationship. And besides all of that, he didn't even want the kid. Those scenarios were ideal if he saw children in his future, but as of right now, as of the age of 31, he didn't see any and he didn't want any. Shit, his eyes opened up as he pushed himself off the wall, Abby! He's in a serious fucking relationship. Jay ran his hand down his face as he considered this; it was the ultimate betrayal, to not only sleep with someone else but to get them pregnant. Whether it was an accident or not, this act of infidelity resulted in another life being created.

He and Erin conceived a break baby, -an illegitimate kid that was created while he was on a break from his relationship.

Abby is going to kill him, and even as a detective, he feels that she has a right to do it. He doesn't even know how he's going to break the news. Should he just rip it off like a band-aid and air it out? Should he ease her into it? Should he spoil her with lavish gifts and a day out on the town only to end the nice day with bad news? Should he attempt to google ways in which to tell your girlfriend that you're having a baby with someone else?

Whatever he decides to do, he knows he has a little time.

He found himself relieved to know that she wouldn't be at his apartment. And now he wished they were still on a break, that their lack of conversation probably meant the break was going to turn into a break up, but even if she was miles away in a different state and their relationship was currently on pause, she still deserved to know. And he would tell her, eventually, just not right now because he still hadn't come to terms with it. He probably won't come to terms with it any time soon, at least not until the baby is actually here…because that will happen, there will be a baby here, in the world, someone he will take care of, someone that he will be responsible for and someone that will depend on him. A baby will be here in the flesh, one he can pick up and hold, hear its cries and soothe them, but that's months away. It'll be an innocent being who didn't ask for any of this but was forced into it because of the irresponsibility of their parents.

He needs to tell her, -preferably today. The sooner he admits it then the better for everyone involved. He needs to give her a chance to process the news and come up with what she wants to do about it. She only has two options really: stay or leave. Any woman in their right mind would leave; he couldn't possibly imagine himself in her shoes. He couldn't see himself loving someone only for them to hook up with someone else and get pregnant. Despite it not being the kid's fault, he wouldn't be able to look at it and constantly be reminded of their betrayal, but that's him, how he reacts is different than others. He needs to not be a coward for once and look her in the eyes and tell her the truth. She deserved to cut him loose, she deserved to find someone better than him and she deserved to move on with her life and not be held down by a man and a kid that's not even hers.

Despite all of Abby's flaws, she had her redeeming qualities. She may be too clingy but she always cared, she always took care of him. She may be annoying sometimes but she did know how to make him laugh every once in a while. She may try to always act perfect, always be perfect, making him feel like she was too good for him, but them living together proved the old adage to be true, no one is perfect. He got to see her at her best and her worst. And more recently, since they've been rebuilding their relationship, she's had more good days than bad, and now he knew he was about to end that. He has to break her heart. He has to tell her the truth.

Jay was screwed. And he hadn't even told his boss yet. He wasn't looking forward to that particular conversation either. No matter how much he prepares for it and no matter how much he rehearses the lines in his head, he'll never be ready. He withdrew his keys from his pocket and dragged his feet out of the elevator. He wanted to avoid telling anyone but he knew a pregnancy announcement was something that couldn't be procrastinated on for too long. People are bound to find out. Neither of them would be able to hide it forever, which is why, he should make plans to tell Voight that he's the father of Erin's baby and he's going to have to spend the next few minutes making plans on ways he could break the news to Abby. How do you even go about doing that? How do you tell your girlfriend that the woman you slept with got pregnant?

He was going to appreciate the few hours of solitude while Abby is gone. He needs it. He needs to practice what he's going to say to Voight, he needs to go over what he'll say to Abby.

…but, unfortunately, a wrench had been thrown into those plans when he spots the back of a familiar head, a wave of brunette hair being swept up into a ponytail as she notices him. There's a smile that stretches across her face, one that meets her eyes and he tries to portray an identical one but it fails to spread to his own. Why is she here? She meets him at the opened door and rises to the tips of her toes to press her lips against his and that's when he notices the few shopping bags positioned behind her. He felt her slip the keys from his hand and reach behind him to close the door, "I made us dinner, I actually tried out a new recipe and I picked out a movie for us to watch after we eat and have a little bit of fun," he's frozen in place and the second she locked both the top and bottom lock, he snapped out of his speechless, zombie-like stance and questioned, "Abby…what are you doing here?" He blinked in order to clear his sight.

"Don't be silly, Jay, I live here," she giggles.

And in his moment of frozen shock, he manages to slowly shake his head, "No, I know that, I mean what are you doing here right now? I thought you were supposed to be out all day."

"I finished early. I bought a few outfits that I think you'll enjoy seeing me in," she winks.

And he feels nauseous.

He doesn't want to see her in the dress or the lingerie or whatever she bought. He doesn't deserve to see her. He couldn't fathom the thought of touching her, of having sex with her after basically living a double life for the last few weeks.

Abby stood barefoot, a robe tied around her and he watches as she slowly pulls the tie loose in order for the silk garment to fall off her shoulders and curtain around her feet, "I thought I had a little more time to prepare for our special date night," she steps around her fallen robe, and he suddenly remembers that today was scheduled to be their date night, "but fortunately for the both of us, I changed first," she brings her hands to her waist, and leans to the side to stick her hip out, "Do you like?" She stands barefoot, dressed in a white, lace matching lingerie set. Her hair is pinned up with only a few loose curls framing her face, "The longer the silence, the more self-conscious I'm starting to get. Do I look that bad?"

He says nothing. He's completely speechless. The look on his face, the mixture of emotions rapidly transforming his features now has her worried, "Jay," the seductive smirk that was once etched into her face was now gone and in its place was a solemn, worried look, "did something happen? Is something going on?" She reaches down to grab her fallen robe and slides her arms back into the sleeves, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" She rushes over and cradles his face in the palms of her hands, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"Uh…" he didn't plan to tell her now; he thought he would have time to formulate his thoughts, to process his emotions and practice everything he plans on saying, "Um," his brain is currently buffering; it's given up when he needed it the most, "Abs," she tries to be patient, she still remains cradling his face, looking at him with all of the love that he didn't deserve, "I uh-"

"What's going on baby?" She caressed his face, leaning in a few inches to brush her lips against his. He felt his body tense up at the touch of her lips. He shut his eyes. He held his breath. He didn't deserve her attempts at trying to comfort him. If only she knew…if only he could tell her.

"I have some bad news, some really bad news," he doesn't have a script to read from and there's no one in his ear to tell him what to say. He's solo; he's gearing up to perform alone. And he knows this performance won't end with roses being thrown at his feet. Maybe a punch to the face, a slap to the cheek, a shove to the shoulder but definitely not hugs, kisses or sex.

Abby moved her hands behind his head, twirling the tips of her fingers in his short strands as she rocked side to side, waiting to see if he would continue without prompting. He didn't. And she moved closer, pressing the front of her body against his and whispering, "I can see you're nervous but Jay I'm sure that whatever it is, we can work through it together. I'll always be by your side. Always. There's very little you can do to get rid of me," she brushes her lips against the corner of his mouth, "You won't be able to get rid of me so easily baby," she smears her lips against his and he feels too guilty to push her away, he lets her have this, knowing that in a few short minutes that happiness will come crashing down, "I'll help you and be there for you through whatever so no matter how bad you think this news it, you're not alone, you have me to help you through it. We can overcome anything together."

"…not this," ever the pessimist, he whispered.

"I forgave you for cheating, Jay. If I can forgive you for that, I can forgive you for anything."

"…not this," he whispered once again.

"What do you mean not this? Yes this. We can take on anything as long as we're together," she moves her hands back to his cheeks, caressing her thumbs beneath his eyes.

"Abby-"

She cuts him off, "Did you lose your job?"

"No Abs," he shakes his head to knock her hands off his face. He doesn't want her to guess, it's going to take forever and it's only going to make him feel worse because there's no way she's actually going to guess the right answer. She's not even going to get anywhere close to the truth if all she's going to do is throw out guesses, random ones at that. If he doesn't want her to assume, if he doesn't want to be in this position all day, then he needs to just tell her.

But, it's so damn hard.

He thought it'd be at least a little bit easier than this.

"Is it a family emergency?" she reaches out to touch him again but he steps away from her, "Do we need to go back to Wisconsin?" She tries to mask the look of hurt on her face from seeing him start to shut her out. Abby wants to be there for him but he's not making it easy.

"No Abs, you're not going to guess it."

"…so just tell me then!"

"I'm trying," he exclaims, turning away from her. He doesn't have the courage to look her in her eyes and watch the tears fall from her face the second he breaks her heart again; he really doesn't want to do that again, he doesn't want to see that haunted look in her eye, the quiver of her bottom lip or the color leave her face, "I'm trying to tell you but this is complicated. This is hard and I don't want to hurt you." He might not love her, but he does care about her. He isn't trying to intentionally hurt her but after keeping this secret for so long, he owes her his honesty. He doesn't want to break her heart, but he knows that's inevitable, he knows that no amount of preparation or forethought will stop it from cracking and tearing it to shreds.

"I need to know what's going on. My mind is running rampant right now."

He opens his mouth, prepared to say the words, but then he backs out again and suddenly shuts his mouth. She reaches for his hand, hoping that her touch will be soothing enough to help him but he steps away, refusing the olive branch she's trying to extend, "I don't deserve your comfort, Abs. I'm going to tell you, it's just…it's just hard to get the words out."

"Jay, I won't be upset."

"You will and that's okay, you have every right to be."

"I promise I won't," she says and he knows it's empty, it's hollow because with the way she acted after finding out about his one night stand, he knows this'll be worse, "I promise."

Jay bites his bottom lip and holds it pressed against his teeth for a few seconds before releasing it moments later. His eyes are closed, his shoulders are tense and she wants to try and reach out to comfort him again, to lay her palm against the center of his back but she knows that he'll pull away, he always pulls away when he gets like this. He hates to be comforted especially when he feels like he doesn't deserve it.

"Do you," he starts and her breath hitches in her throat because she doesn't know what to expect from this conversation, "do you remember the one night stand I had during our break?" He knows the answer to the dumb question he just asked but he needs to provide background before jumping into the deep end.

"I don't think I'll ever forget about it." She grows suspicious of the direction this conversation is going. Of all the topics she expected, this wasn't one of them.

"I ran into her again."

Abby takes a small step back, "You ran into your one-night stand again?" Her head tilts to the side and her barefoot starts to tap against the floor.

"Yes," slowly and cautiously he turns around, his eyes cast downwards to stare at her feet; he couldn't find it in him to look up, "I ran into her at work."

"…and? So what?" Her arms cross over her chest but he doesn't know because he's still looking at her feet, "Why was she there? What did she want? Did you sleep with her again?"

This makes him look up, "No, I didn't sleep with her again. I wouldn't do that to you a second time. She uh, she was there for work but that's not important."

"That is important. Are you going to be seeing a lot of her?"

"Yeah," he admits and his throat is starting to dry up, it's the nerves, "but not for the reason you're probably thinking."

She's growing impatient, she's getting uneasy, "Jay, what is going on? You're really starting to freak me out. What's the bad news? Just tell me. You ran into the whore you slept with and if you're not planning to leave me for her or sleep with her again then I don't understand what the bad news can be. I don't understand what can be worse than what I've already heard."

He feels his heart start to race in his body. It's now or never and it's definitely too late to turn back now. She's expecting an answer and based on the look on her face, he knows that she won't let this go until she gets one, "Abs," he reaches behind his ear to scratch; it's a nervous tic because nothing was itching, "I-"

"Jay, just spit it out. What happened? What's the bad news?"

"She's pregnant."